Osrs mahogany tree farming

Need Help, Composting Mulch into Black Gold

2023.06.02 14:07 Level_Yoghurt8754 Need Help, Composting Mulch into Black Gold

Last year I tried my hand at composting shredded wood using a rolly type compost bin. Basically I filled it with mulch (partially composted) from my local recycling center and added all my food scraps and coffee grounds, turning with each addition, took about a year. But ended up with about 20 gallons of black gold, which I am using on my most valuable garden veggies. I'd love to have more of this awesome compost but it's very labor intensive, so I purchased a tractor!
In years past my vegetable garden and landscaping covered about 3000sq'. With the help of the tractor I've expanded that area to 8000sq'. 5000sq' of which is fruits and veggies. I'm trying to grow enough produce to feed my family of 4 adults. So it's a rather large operation. I plan to use partially broken down shredded wood from my local tree trimmers for mulch and weed suppression on the garden and the landscaping. I've done this for years and it works great, supplying nutrients to the soil while keeping it covered.
My question is how can I turn some of these tree trimmings into the black gold compost that my plants love, on a large scale? I need enough for my 5000sq' garden but more would be even better. Last year I used the tractor to push a 10cubic yard pile of the mulch around to aerate, and watered it occasionally, but it went cold quickly and didn't really continue decomposition. I ended up using it as mulch.
So I need advice. I have several crazy ideas to break this stuff down but I have no experience. Maybe pump effluent from my septic system for free nitrogen? There is a hog farm a few miles away so maybe they would let me remove some of their manure for free. I thought about Urea Prills as they're 47-0--0 on the NPK scale. I pay for mowers on my 2 acres so grass clippings aren't an option either. Or maybe it isn't a lack of nitrogen that made my pile go cold? Maybe it needed more moisture? Shouldn't 10 cubic yards be plenty of size to stay hot in summer?
I'm sorry that this post is all over the place with questions. I'm just brainstorming. Any help, resources, or information would be greatly appreciated. My gardens required $500 in fertilizer this year so the sooner I can get my composting operation going the better.
submitted by Level_Yoghurt8754 to composting [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 13:27 Tigerballs07 The Forestry root random event would be amazing on its own. Just give the roots you get from farming of said tree instead

Having an alternative way to getting yew roots on an iron man would be wonderful.
submitted by Tigerballs07 to 2007scape [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 13:02 sann540 (1/2) May 2023

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submitted by sann540 to dailyainews [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 12:48 RangerxCA Need help with getting items from a vault

So I made a tree farm and made all the wood, sapling and stick go into a vault and now I want to get them out individually, I tried to get them out using funnels and a gearshift and wanted just the logs to come out but the saplings and sicks come out too. How can I manga to get them out individually?
submitted by RangerxCA to CreateMod [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 11:50 Erwinblackthorn Drawn Together: A Postmodernist Martyr Pt1

Part 2
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Recently, I have been hit by a writing bug for a story I’m working on, where the entire thing will be a combination of Warehouse 13 and Kingdom Hearts. I want the story to be a critique of both how postmodernism functions and how it destroys contemporary culture by trying to subvert that which works and that which people enjoy. In order for me to write this story, I am required to study both postmodernism and satire of postmodernism, which has strangely led me to a little cartoon from the middle of the 2000s known as Drawn Together.
It ran for 3 seasons, had a direct-to-DVD movie, and vanished from the face of the Earth after that. Nobody dares to mention it and yet there are tons of youtube clips of it that are filled with praise in the comments. People love the show, yet nobody can mention its name without social backlash from the woke left. Why is that? Well, let’s get into what the show even is to begin with.
Like every chick who dresses as Harley Quinn for Halloween, it has some severe issues that are treated as normal.
Postmodernism was already popular by the time we hit the 2000s, and by this time we have had postmodernist media for about 40 years. An entire generation worth of rejecting modernism. With this, we gained a lot of different media styles and new genres. The internet was growing into something capable of creating flash cartoons, movies like Fredy Got Fingered popularized shock comedy and neo dada, we started to have shock jocks take over the airwaves with uncensored satellite radio, and soap operas for the ladies were being replaced with reality TV.
Postmodernism allows for a blending of media and real life to create a hyper reality where we can’t see where media begins and reality ends. Media is part of our lives, all day every day, in this highly connected and social media focused postmodernist era. Even now, we wake up to our pop music alarm clock that holds notifications to our social media and the only way to escape media is to leave society and never read anything. That’s impossible for most of us, so we’re stuck in this hyper reality where we’re always watching others and we ourselves are always being watched. We’re at a point in history where people can become popular by just filming themselves making a goofy sound, vomiting, or taking off their clothes.
Usually it’s all three.
This should concern everyone, yet we tend to embrace the absurd reality that is postmodernism and reality tv. Despite common belief, reality TV began with Candid Camera, a show from 1948 where people would be filmed while being at the butt end of a prank. This kind of filming was a look into how real people provide real reactions to things when they aren’t expecting certain situations, which is actually in relation to the neorealism film movement that was inspired by the poetic realism french film movement. We enjoy seeing pranks being done because we get to see a real person provide real emotion and it’s no different than seeing a fight break out in real life, or seeing a car crash. It’s that train wreck mentality that keeps us glued to the scene as shit gets real.
Or was it the shit that glues us to the train as our real mentality gets wrecked?
It’s the same reason we love to see game shows and court shows and Jerry Springer. Add in some sexual exploitation like busty Ukranians and you have Naked Funny, which is a show people search for without caring about any words being said, since it’s a show with zero dialogue but plenty of mouth watering mammaries. Have the exploitation be where people are horrifically injured or do something sensational, and you have Jackass. Have a bunch of people pretend to be outraged and engage in scripted events while living in a single house, and you have The Real World.
That’s right: it’s a show with fake situations and it’s called The Real World.
This type of “reality” TV caused a massive issue in media because it allowed incredibly fake situations to pass as real, and there was no way to counter it because people were convinced it’s real. Just like professional wrestling, just like any show featuring a magician and a paid audience, just like any porno, there is a mix of real things and fake things that create this ambiguous state of hyper reality. Yes, a person can actually be hit by a chair or a sledgehammer, but there’s no way someone is going to be trying to win a match by holding their hand over the head of the sledgehammer and lightly tapping the other guy with it. Obviously, they don’t want to hit their co-worker, unless they’re in a porn shoot with a white woman. That’s when it’s fair game.
Postmodernism is a term that postmodernists try to avoid defining, because of the main doctrine of postmodernism: there is no such thing as a truth that can be verified by human experience. This means that anything being stated must be an opinion and thus everything being stated is completely disconnected from one another. A postmodernist is unable to make a clear and definitive statement that is true, because it goes against their doctrine. Everything must be vague and open-ended. Everyone has an equally valid interpretation. With that kind of mentality, art can be anything we want to call art. Rules are there to be broken, especially if they are rules of a broadcasting network. The R rating, the X rating, the unrated, these are products of postmodernism, due to the intention to break rules.
Subjectivity, blurring of genres, juxtaposition, playfulness, skepticism of a grand narrative, intertextuality, irony, pastiche, appropriation; all of these things are what makes postmodernism appealing to the masses. There is no desire to make something good, so the goal is to do something else, like be blindly entertaining or blindly propagandist. There is so much art before postmodernism and so much established through modernism, like science, that the goal of the postmodernist is to deconstruct all of that and make it feel like none of it matters.
Despite all of the deconstructionism and subversion that comes with postmodernism, media still has to appeal to an audience, and an audience reacts well to archetypes. We don’t know who to cheer for if we don’t know who is the heel and who is the good guy. There can’t be drama if there isn’t some red haired succubus or pampered shrew to throw a wrench in the circle of hotties. And at the same time, we can’t have all of them being that type of person, or else there’s nobody to root for. In the most ironic way possible, postmodernism is required to appeal to archetypes even more than modernism, due to the demand for audience retention and interaction.
Every reality show had to have at least one of every archetype, but remember: it’s totally real, everyone. It just so happened that there’s only one sneaky bitch and there’s only one cool guy and there’s only one innocent girl and there’s only one slacker. It was by random, totally not on purpose, and you’re crazy if you think producers are controlling the environment of these shows in any way. Same goes for dating shows like Next. It’s obvious that these people with their one liners and bad acting are being honest with all of us.
If you didn’t get it by now: I’m being sarcastic, these shows are faker than lady boy tits and the apologies from Bud Light for advertising with such fake tits. And yet, people can’t stop watching these pointless shows. Even I enjoy it, because of how dumb it is. A big part of my life after school was relaxing late at night with MTV and watching stupid reality tv shows. Even respectable ones like Cops were dumb because the entire show was about police officers finding people breaking the law. The entertainment comes from people ruining their day or their entire life with one dumb act after another.
You’re probably wondering: What does any of this have to do with Drawn Together?
Well, imagine all of these reality shows mixed into a cartoon and then each cartoon archetype is from a different type of cartoon. That’s Drawn Together, and the show gets more insane from that point on. The eras of cartoons are represented by the cast members who are to live in one house, as a satire of things like The Real World and as parody of cartoon archetypes. You have Princess Clara(a parody of the Disney Princess), Foxxy(a parody of 70s mystery solving cartoons like Scooby-doo), Xandir(a parody of 80s Nintendo and action cartoons), Wooldoor(a parody of 90s style Nickelodeon shows like Spongebob), Ling-Ling (a parody of anime like Pokemon), Spanky(a parody of internet cartoons from the early 2000s), Toot(a parody of 1930s black and white cartoons like Betty Boop and Popeye), and Captain Hero (a parody of 90s superhero cartoons like Batman Animated Series and Animated Superman).
These character types are all based on their known stereotypes when it comes to appearance, with their appearances never really mixing since these are all different types of cartoons from different styles. You never see a Pikachu with a Batman, or a human unmasker talk to a video game character, or a human princess from a fairy tale talk to a farting pig from the internet. These things never happen in their environment because these things don’t mix. Then the show puts all of these unrelatable characters into a single house to provide random challenges in the same way reality tv does in order to juxtapose the genres.
The art styles also are juxtaposed. Captain hero is drawn with a square jaw, while Toot is drawn incredibly circular and with a giant head. Woldor has giant white eyes while Foxxy only has pupils. Xandir and Claira are drawn rather similar, but even they have their differences with colors and the thickness of the outline. To the untrained eye, these are easy to miss, but to the artist, these are great homages to the very style something is drawn in. An important part to note is that these are all based on other things and are meant to represent them as symbols. There’s no reason for any of this, yet the show does it anyway.
This is what postmodernism is all about: doing things for the sake of doing it. Juxtaposition is a big part of postmodernism. Blending genres and mixing them around is a big part of postmodernism. Subverting tropes to claim originality is a big part of postmodernism. Non-sequitur is a big part of postmodernism. This entire show is one of the most postmodernist things you can find out there and I love everything about it.
You might be thinking “Is Erwin sick? He talks day and night about how postmodernism sucks and then says he loves Drawn Together. Is this an imposter?!”No, it’s me. I’m simply able to understand the purpose of the show, and I love the meta attempt in all of it: the show is a postmodernist attack on… postmodernism. Everything in the show is designed to be a massive middle finger to how postmodernism functions, by being the dysfunctional postmodernist mess it is. From how meaningless the challenges are, to how characters can never die all the way, to how 4th wall jokes stop the show, to how there is a mundane message tacked on at the very end. Everything in this show is a jab at postmodernism, but at the cost of the show’s own integrity.
In the story I’m working on, I would be required to present postmodernism in it so that I can critique it. But, if my entire story revolves around only that, then I would be presenting postmodernism the entire time, which means I can’t separate the thing that I’m attacking from my work, just how a story about the evils of racism would have to feature a racist. Postmodernists attacking postmodernists is the same as a racist saying “racism is fine, but only in the way I do it.”
But is all postmodernism really the same? The show is hated now, after all, right?
Yes, it’s hated now, because it(ironically) went against the grand narrative that postmodernists currently hold, but it was part of the narrative that was held during the early 2000s. Barely 20 years ago, less than half of a generation, millennials were being raised by exploitation. I know that the postmodernists hate it when I use this word to describe nearly all of postmodernism, but by definition, it’s exploitation. You can blame the 80s for this, because once home media became popular, we had movies that went straight to VHS and then later DVDs that were able to push the envelope.
That’s what postmodernism started as: a way to push the envelope.
South Park and Simpsons didn’t do things that were part of the status quo. They went against it to then become the status quo right after. In fact, there’s an amazing joke from the show Bevis and Butthead(another example of postmodernism) that captures this phenomena perfectly, where the two go to a radio show because they were the only caller, and then they influence the radio show by saying stuff sucks and stuff is stupid.
Their own stupidity and negativity was seen as a sort of punk culture by the viewers and so they demanded the radio host, who was angry at them, to do the same. And so, the next day, the radio host does exactly what he threw Bevis and Butthead out for doing. This complete hypocrisy that somehow there are rules, but they can be broken if the money is there, is something Drawn Together also tackled.
The entire first season was all about having pointless challenges with a character called Jew Producer, who was a parody of both Richie Rich and Donald Trump. How did they connect these 3? Easy: Donald Trump had a show called The Apprentice, Richie Rich was a cartoon, and a Jewish producer is a Hollywood cliche that's entirely true. A lot of Jewish people produce Hollywood stuff and TV shows. I don’t know why this is a controversial statement or why the left always gets insulted by that fact, but they constantly freak out the second someone mentions that someone like Harvey Winstein exists.
While I’m talking about controversies, Adam Carolla, the voice of Spanky, was blacklisted by Hollywood because he decided to do the cardinal sin of… demanding free speech in a country with free speech as a constitutional right. I know, how dare he! It shouldn’t surprise us that the former hippies who ran Hollywood on the backbone of free speech and demanded freedom of expression are now against… freedom of speech and freedom of expression. Meanwhile, Tara Strong, a proud jewish woman, voices a character like Princess Clara, with Princess Clara being a racist, homophobic, anti-semite who is also in a sexual relationship with her father.
So, let’s recap: a jewish woman is able to do the voice for such a terrible thing, yet an Italian male comedian is not able to ask for the acceptance to joke about such topics.
Why is this even a thing?Well, at first it really puzzled me, but like when we saw the left defending drag queen acts in front of children, it finally clicked. The problem in Hollywood isn’t that something terrible is said or written or put in a show. A white princess saying terrible things is normal to them, because that’s how they view white people. Their fear is that something might make a non-white person look bad. Something might make the LGBT look bad. There might be an “uncomfortable truth” revealed in a chain of unregulated jokes.
One of the most profitable postmodernist comedians around, Dave Chappelle, was canceled over making trans jokes, despite being a good friend of a trans person who killed themselves after… trans advocates hated the trans person due to being friends with Dave Chappelle. The woke are disgusting people, to put it bluntly. Zero people were harmed by Dave’s comedy, yet the woke harassing people has a death toll that’d make Pol Pot take notes on their efficiency.
So the difference between Tara and Adam is that Adam wants to make jokes about anything, while Tara is just doing her job and reading the script. The free thinker is the threat, while the obedient follower is not. That’s why Tara still gets jobs and Adam is off doing a podcast and somehow still making millions. I’m sure he’s wiping his tears with gold bullion over the thought of no longer being able to do voices for farting animated pigs.
But what exactly makes Drawn Together hated?
To be honest, I didn’t even know someone could hate the show until I was around 20 or so. Some online people I chatted with told me how offended they were by the show and I never understood what offended even meant until that era. I watched the show throughout my teen years without a care in the world. To me, it was another adult animated show that tried to do anything offensive and it was funny all around. Some of the subject matter, contains but is not limited to:
All of these things are put in the show to offend us, because the show intends on making people go “ew”. If the constant vomit, blood, shit, piss, burps, farts, cum, sweat, and queefs aren’t a dead give away of them trying to gross the audience out, I don’t know what is. The point of the show is to do exactly what the 90s and early 2000s is all about: doing stuff that is gross so you laugh at how gross it is. Nickelodeon was notorious for this intention of grossing people out, to the point where they would throw green slime around just for fun. As fun as it looks to be drenched in green slime like a Leprechaun bukkake, the goal is to make the audience say “ew… cool!” because that is a male oriented reaction.
And this is where we find the split in postmodernism. When postmodernism began as a means of subverting modernism and regulations, it quickly became a cesspool of creative INABILITY thanks to the woke taking over. We went from freedom of expression to being required to advocate, which is a detriment to comedy. Recently, we had a controversy over a show called Big Mouth, which was hated by the right for being considered pedophilic and indoctrination, because the characters were teenagers dealing with puberty monsters and were depicted as being sexualized.
This is one of the many areas the right is losing the battle on, because so many of them are trying to be Platoist or Mohism, meaning they want some kind of hyper utilitarian and aesthetic free environment due to a hatred of art. Plato believed that art was an “imitation”, that it was a “copy of a copy of a form”. It was a corruption and perversion of reality, thus he saw art as evil. Mo-Zi, a Chinese philosopher who shared a lot of his views, also saw art as a pointless distraction because it’s not the responsibility of the government. These kinds of “right wingers” are accidentally falling for philosophies that pave the way for socialism, so it’s hard to take their positions on art seriously when they can’t see how brainwashed their approach is.
I’m going to go with the Jews on this one and say that art is very important, and so is freedom to make art.
Big mouth is not a show that I will say is one of my favorites, but it’s nothing as how the right wanted to depict it as. Obviously these are just people who wanted the next Cuties outrage and they had a swing n’ a miss. The left, on the other hand, is able to say something like Drawn Together is offensive to them and so it must be canceled. And lo, we have the tumblr people unable to reblog about it, we have reddit radio silent about it, we have twitter people afraid to meme with it, but then it’s still prospering in places like youtube.
People want to watch it, but nobody is brave enough to talk about it in fear of being canceled.
The show is a Martyr in two ways:
  1. It is a postmodernist work attacking postmodernism
  2. It is a dead form of comedy due to both the left and the right trying to cancel things like it
I already went over the second point by talking about Big Mouth, but I will quickly reiterate: the right and the left want to cancel things that are offensive, but for different reasons. Something like Drawn Together would be hated by something like Daily Wire, and yet I am a conservative who loves the show. I understand that the show is making fun of stuff, I understand it’s gross out humor and pointless nonsense. I love that it’s aware of what it is, to the point where they had an episode where Spanky goes to see their #1 critic and it’s a Jewish, conservative, pro-life, born-again, overweight, Asian, homophobic, lesbian broad who cuts herself.
He then straight up tells her that she’s not their audience, so her opinion doesn’t matter on whether or not the show is good. And he’s right, if you aren’t the audience for something, why should anyone listen to your opinion on the thing you instantly don’t like? It’s like if I had an opinion about which sports team is better. I am 100% uninformed about anything sports related, and the only sport I ever willingly watched was professional wrestling. That’s a sport, right?
Either way, the show is aware that it’s offensive. It’s proud to be offensive. Each character has their own way of offending, both when it comes to a group and when it comes to art itself. This is when postmodernism kicks in and subversion is used to create a surreal environment suited for satire and parody.
As a quick reminder: Satire is when a subject is critiqued and parody is when a subject is used for a joke. An example of this would be where satire is when Scream uses movie tropes to figure out a murder and parody is when the alien from Signs pees with his finger in Scary Movie.
Princess Clara is the Disney princess. Usually a Disney princess seeks a prince to live happily ever after, and she is pure of heart. They subvert this by attaching a bit of reality to the word “princess” and have her in a sexual relationship with her father because princesses would sometimes do that to keep royalty in the family. She’s also a racist and Christian, because royalty in Europe was Christian and it’s “old fashion” for a rich white girl to be racist. Although they keep her desire to sing, the lyrics are still going to hold her views about people, so the humor comes in how she delivers terrible things with a cheery tone. Her character is meant to make fun of traditionalist people, all while using the Disney princess as a face.
With the way wokeness is going, I don’t see a difference between Clara and the current Disney princess now.
Foxxy Love is the Hanna-Barbera style mystery character who is meant to solve crimes, most likely inspired by Valerie Brown from Josie and the Pussycats. She suberts the role by causing crimes and being a degenerate all over. She is a slut, she acts ghetto, she constantly has abortions, you know the deal. This juxtaposition comes from the fact that Valerie is meant to be a hippie musician, and black women on reality TV are depicted as ghetto thanks to shows like Flavor of Love. And for those who don’t know, hippie musicians are usually promiscuous and incredibly loose, with zero regard for decency or sticking to one sex partner because they are all about second wave feminism.
Again, ironically the woke have caused this subversion to be their intentional norm for a lot of black female characters, only they see it as virtuous instead of comical.
Wooldoor Sockbat is the Nickelodeon style hyperactive loony toon who is meant to be both stupid and gullible. There’s not much subversion here with personality, but it’s all with how far he’s willing to go with his zany humor, such as randomly threatening to suck someone’s dick and having giant tits out of nowhere, which he will then squish into the camera while crying. He’s meant to be loud and random, just like Spongebob or Stimpy. However, with the way Spongebob has become after their first movie, the only thing separating Wooldoor from something like Spongebob is direct word usage.
Plus, Ren and Stimpy had their adult party cartoon reboot made by the creator, so doing something gay and entirely disturbing is nothing new for that kind of character. I still can’t believe that it came out in 2003. In fact, I can’t believe Ren and Stimpy was on Nickelodeon with the stuff they put in there. But, that’s the appeal of Wooldoor, because he does the stuff people have been doing with characters like him for years. I would even say he’s not much of a satire since he’s so close to the content he’s meant to make fun of.
Xandir Wifflebottom is the 80s action cartoon parody, as well as early video game cartoons. During the 80s and 90s, we had a lot of Nintendo shows like Legend of Zelda, which took after plot scripts like Transformers, GI Joe, He-Man, and other product placement shows during that time. Only a few episodes of Drawn Together make fun of these simple action plots, but this connection between the merchandise advertising shows and video game cartoons is important, since they are the same thing, and it’s a product of postmodernism. Shows during the 80s and 90s that were simply there to sell something with the show, whether it was a game or a toy, were part of this media and real life blur. His gayness comes from how people viewed both He-Man and Link, since Link was a feminine looking elf and He-Man was a muscular dude who didn’t wear a shirt when he’s fighting.
This one is kind of interesting since it touches on the subject of queer coding. The left is so desperate to feel like the LGBT is represented, they will declare something is gay because it “feels gay”. This feeling is based on whoever is attracted to a fictional character, so if gay men are attracted to He-Man, or if they like his outfit, then that means he’s totally gay. Link is a character who has sadly been considered a “gay icon” by websites like Polygon, all because the designers made him rather gender neutral in later games in order for him to appeal to a female fanbase that was growing. And when they say gender neutral, they mean “he’s not muscular and he has a pretty face”, similar to practically any 00s alt rock band memeber.
Apparently, having that and then having gay people make gay fanfics about the character instantly means the character is gay. The show made fun of this queer coding nonsense by making Xandir a raging homosexual that is constantly killed like a Mortal Kombat character.
Captain Hero, my favorite character, is the comic book show hero that we all know and love. He’s meant to save the day from evil villains, but they subvert his role by having him be entirely useless and usually the cause of mass destruction. He has superpowers, but he’s so stupid and useless that he doesn’t use them most of the time, like when he is immune to bullets but he still grabs a random woman to use her as a “hero shield” when getting shot at. His character makes fun of how postmodernist super heroes try to depict the classic hero as a terrible monster or some kind of morally warped anti-hero. This is due to how Batman went from whacky detective to psychotic nut job during the transition from the 60s to the 80s, thanks to influences like Alan Moore’s Watchman and Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. His character is more like a Superman, which the Bizzaro Superman comics have covered that kind of thing to make way for a super powered idiot who has sex with corpses.
Why does he have sex with dead bodies? Well, because he’s “alien” to us, the point of the joke is that he’s so super powered that he can do whatever he wants, and uses his powers to have sex with something that can’t fight back. Kind of a “he can have any woman he wants, but he would rather have sex with a rotten corpse” kind of thing. Or maybe it’s making fun of how Superman cares about Lois Lane even though she might as well be a rotten corpse to him, because she’s a human and he’s an alien. Either way, it covers a big problem we started to get in the 90s where superheroes were quickly becoming hyper violent assholes who do anything disgusting for the sake of shock value.
Ling-Ling is basically a Pikachu, but here he will battle with anything and cause gory deaths upon his opponent. The joke is that kid shows featuring these little monsters, like Pokemon and Digimon, will have zero blood, and yet the attacks they do are strong enough to cause giant explosions. Thankfully, these go past the typical Dorkly joke and Ling-Ling will also have jokes centered around being Asian and have a made up language that sounds Japanese because he says “kitowa” a lot.
Just like Xandir, Ling-Ling is treated like a punching bag by the others in nearly every episode, and I think it has to do with the video game relation, since Pokemon began as a video game and the show was there as a way of advertising the product. Plus, during the 00s, there was little respect for something like anime, no matter how much someone knew about the golden age of 80s anime.
Spanky Ham is something I’m not really sure what influenced him, but it’s said it might be an early flash cartoon called Evil Piggies. However, there is a flash cartoon from 1997 made by John K, the creator of Ren and Stimpy, called The Goddamn George Liquor Program, that seems more in line with Spanky’s scat fetish. Early internet cartoons usually had people’s faces done in a South Park style, where the mouth moved by cutting the bottom half off and moving that up and down. When I went on Newgrounds during that time, all I would see were stick figures, parodies of existing cartoons, and something like Ctrl+Alt+Del where the characters were drawn as humans in that typical web comic style. He might have also been inspired by Happy Tree Friends, which first came out in 1999, so the idea of cute animals dying randomly, and the crude humor of The Goddamn George Liquor Program might have caused a farting pig to come into fruition.
The joke is that he’s a pig who likes to drink and have sex, as well as be disgusting, but then somehow he’s also like Ren where he has schemes to make money. I forget if there is a word for this kind of character, but he’s the Squidward type who always gets harmed by his own greed. There is also a lot of Fritz the Cat in his character, which was an animated movie based on an underground comic about a cat who would go on sexual escapades. This “cartoon animal doing adult stuff” has been a joke since the 60s, and even Howard the Duck had issues with what Nostalgia Critic calls “duck boobies”. Speaking of adult ducks, there is even a show called Duckman that was made by the same company that made Rugrats.
People treat Bojak Horseman as this hip new thing when it’s simply part of a long line of animated foul mouth farm animals wearing suits.
Finally, Toot Braunstein is the representative of silent cartoons. Betty Boop was seen as sexy for being curvy, and the joke is that Toot is just plain fat and old, with her body hair and repulsiveness, as well as her tits always sagging to her cankles. She is always harming herself because of a self-esteem issue, caused by her weight and age, which is joined by an alcoholic problem due to her being from the roaring 20s. The joke is that she’s that girl in every reality TV show that is completely disgusting to look at, but she’ll see herself as a hot chick despite hitting the wall so hard that illegals can pour through the cracks. Plus, people believe Betty Boop was based on Clara Bow, who was a flapper “it girl” who suffered from hard drug use, schizophrenia, and was constantly rejected for being too fat.
Toot is the only one in the list who’s not directly a product of postmodernism, but there was a particular charm to rubber hose animation(gained its name for how limbs acted like rubber hoses) that continued onward to create things like Ren and Stimpy, Loony Toons, Tom and Jerry, and even some movies that tried to revive properties of the 30s. The Popeye movie is a great example as to how studios in the postmodernist era tried to desperately mix live action with cartoons, and same goes with Who Framed Roger Rabbit with how it was a movie that mixed live action with rubber hose animation.
Part 2
submitted by Erwinblackthorn to TDLH [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 10:45 Pristine_Plankton_27 My Experience with OSRS and Autism

Hey all, hope you’re all doing well. Recently, I’ve been able to introduce my autistic cousin to Old School RuneScape. We’re both very similar in age (in our mid-20s), and I have always connected with him a bit more than my other family members. He is very smart and capable, but deeply struggles with social interaction. We live states away and he constantly asks me if there are any games for us to play together. So, I showed him Old School RuneScape and he instantly wanted to start playing.
For the past month or so, we’ve been spending a few hours per week playing together on fresh accounts. We decided that we’re only playing on these accounts when we’re on together, and we’re doing the same tasks. Killing cows, chopping trees, and completing quests, we’re doing it all together. He tends to get very fixated on things, so this rule helps him keep a healthy balance between gaming and working towards his Associate’s Degree.
A lot of our time doing more relaxed grinds has given us the opportunity to have great conversations. As I said, we’ve always connected well, but he does struggle keeping conversation. However, there’s something about having a menial task in the background that gets rid of that filter. He’s told me a lot about his goals, aspirations, and struggles (much of which none of our family members have ever heard about). Being able to connect with him this way is a massive step.
Our time in OSRS has also helped him learn to set smaller, more attainable goals in order to work towards something bigger. We eventually want to grind towards some early to mid-level PVM. This means grinding appropriate skills, finding ways to earn GP, and learning new skills. It’s been great to see my cousin grow these planning skills over only the past month.
It’s really amazing what a game like OSRS can do, and I thought it would be nice to share my experience with all of you. If you have any friends/family on the autism spectrum, I would highly recommend introducing them to the game!
Thanks for taking the time to read.
TLDR: My cousin has autism and OSRS has been an amazing way for him to open up socially and learn to set himself up for success.
submitted by Pristine_Plankton_27 to 2007scape [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 10:18 BitcoinElection Can I Promote a Niche Specific Market here?

Hello Redditors... Can I promote a Niche Specific Market here? I offer a SubReddit for Selling/Buying OSRS RS3 Accounts, Services or Gold.
I have only 1 Subscriber and I would like to see the community grow. This is the community if interested: https://www.reddit.com/RuneScapeFarmMarket/
submitted by BitcoinElection to GamingMarket [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 08:20 CosmicPug1214 Prosecute??!! I’ll reserve a pup from this one!!

Thought the fam might enjoy this story. My father-in-law is a retired physician who is in his mid-70s but somewhat frail after a series of strokes and a few falls. He and my mother in law live in a small country town that has more farms and olive trees than humans. He has about 50 acres of farmland and drives his little 50cc Peugeot motorbike around to check on his trees every night at 9pm before going to bed. My brother in law owns our Mal’s sibling, Zee, and often visits and Zee loves to go out at night with my father in law, running alongside the bike and watching over him.
Welp, some dumb ass drunk kid in his late teens thought it would be funny to hide behind a bush and jump out in front of the bike to scare my father in law last night, knocking him off his bike and onto the ground.
End of story? Kid is in the hospital with 50+ stitches from his leg to his mid-torso. He’ll be fine but Zee came outta nowhere in a split second, took him down and wouldn’t release until the cops and my brother in law came and got him to let the kid go (who had shit himself by now too 😂). Mind you, Zee has not been trained in protection, this was all natural.
Kids mom comes to the hospital screaming at the cop that she wants to prosecute and have the dog euthanized for tearing up her son. Cop says, “Prosecute? Are you crazy, ma’am, I’m reserving a pup from this one!”
Never mess with a Mal 🤣
submitted by CosmicPug1214 to BelgianMalinois [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 07:13 cannons_for_days COME ON RIDE THE TRAIN — a 30 Minute Review

TL;DR — Should I Pull?

New Players

Hoooooooo buddy.
Lots to unpack, here.
Firstly, if you do not have UDX Silver, GLEX Silver, Shuzer, or Liam, pull the Romancing Festival reprint for Liam or GLEX Silver. 33k jewels for Liam/Silver with Thyme, Shuzer, Rag Robin, Christmas Empress, and other good styles in the mix is hands down the best deal on offer.
For most new players I'm going to recommend Matriarch's banner. Matriarch and Roc are a very solid support core, and Matriarch gets way better with a couple of inherits that are avaialble in the offbanner pool, which you can select one style from with the ticket you got from logging in today.
If, however, you have Thyme and Overdrive Emelia and you don't have the Matriarch style with Paean of Peace, then I recommend pulling on the Lynn Woods banner for Liz. Liz's Aqua Bash+ can be a functional replacement for Paean of Peace which doesn't require chasing a character who isn't on Rate Up, and the rest of her kit is enabled by Emelia and Thyme is a big way. Polka has similar synergy with them and also brings a damn useful heal to the table, and whilst Jo isn't the same kind of "stupid powerful alongside her enablers" good, she's still a very good style that can deal a lot of damage and avoid nearly as much. Jo is also pretty danged good for a new player to pick up, with a medium Morale Down she can sustain on enemies to help reduce incoming damage by a good chunk. Overall, very solid banner, just not as "ready to go out of box" as the other one.
Depending on what else we see this month, it's possible that going back to the other banner once we see what else is going to be offered may be the best move for newbies. Matriarch + Roc + Thyme + Liz + [ShuzeLiam/Silver] would be a ridiculously good core team for someone with less than 6 months play time. 🤩 But I won't go so far as to say that until we get a better sense of what's on deck. For now, focus on Matriarch if you don't have the big Overdrive enablers; focus on Liz if you do.

Veterans

OK. So on the one hand, we have a banner with a Liz style that solos Remembrance battles. And on the other hand we have a banner with a Matriarch style. Now you may thi- you're already pulling Matriarch. OK, then.
Kidding aside, I know a bunch of people reading this really are about to pull the first banner here simply because it has Matriarch and for no other reason, regardless of whether she's any good or not. And... actually, that's not a bad plan, here. Matriarch is definitely a solid support style, whether you have the Paean of Peace inherit for her or not. Roc is way better if you have certain inherits, but even if you only have her Tower S style, her offbanner A style, and her Platinum pool SS style, she's still a pretty good style with a few good options.
Liz and Polka are also pretty danged good, though. Liz in particular has amazing synergy with Thyme and Overdrive Emelia in content with direct hits to counter. She dispenses WIL buffs to the team and counters with a defense boost for the team on any turn where she can Overdrive... which can actually be most turns if you have Emelia backing her up. Polka can counter with an attack that grants the party an attack boost, so if you bring the both of them, you can actually get a lot of buffs going on overdrive turns against enemies that throw direct AoE attacks.
All of which is a lot of words to say that I can definitely recommend a pull on Matriarch's banner, and if you are eyeing Liz and Polka's banner and have the jewels to spare, I can also recommend some pulls there, but if you need to choose between them, I would definitely recommend Mama's first.

Planes Balloons, Trains, and Automobeels — Romancing Festival Limited Banner

Matriarch

Unit Summary

Indefatigable support unit.

Unit Analysis

Paean of Tranquility is 3 BP for a tiny heal to the party plus a medium defense boost. It's a defense boost, not a Guard Up, so it stacks with any other kind of defense increases you have. It's a single-turn defense boost, but it's 25% on top of a party-wide heal, so it's totally worth spamming if you don't have other, better things for Matriarch to do.
Saga Balloon Sanctuary is a [Fast] B-rank sun AoE for 8 BP. Its damage is not amazing, but it grants a large Attack Boost to the whole party for 3 turns. Since it's an Attack Boost, not a Morale Up, it stacks, so she can actually wind up increasing party damage output by quite a bit with her +2 BP/turn fueling an 8 BP cost skill.
Her third attack is an SSSS attack for 10 BP, which is kind of ridiculous for a character who can spam that every-other-turn. The problem is that Matriarch is such a strong support character that you're arguably not "winning" that exchange by spending her BP on damage instead of support stuff, especially if you also have a high-octane damage dealer like Silver or Liam dwarfing Matriarch's damage.
For a support character she's also tanky... as long as she's able to resist every hit she takes. Every resisted attack she takes 40% less damage from and has a 37% chance to avoid it in the first place. Every non-resisted attack... she takes full damage. So against enemies that only deal one or two types of damage, she's quite resilient. Against enemies that will fling 5+ damage types at you, you might find yourself taking more damage than you expected.

Inherits

Paean of Peace. Just... just Paean of Peace. DEX/WIL/LOV/CHA buff for the whole party. 5 BP a pop. This Mama can spam it forever with no BP support. The WIL keeps your day from being ruined by status effects, the DEX helps Liam's damage, and the LOV/CHA buffs help party healers do their job better. Sure, it occupies all of her time, but it's doing a loooot of work, so it's worth it.
Available from the [Leading the People] style, now in the offbanner pool and available to be collected from the 3rd Anniversary Romancing Festival Exclusive SS Style Exchange with the ticket you received upon login. If you're pulling for this Matriarch style, I strongly recommend you use that ticket to pick up [Leading the People] as well for this inherit.

Rocbouquet

Unit Summary

Reasonable support character who becomes a great support character with inherits.

Unit Analysis

Tons of BP recovery potential. When she hits with an attack that hits a weakness, she gets +1 BP. When she hits with a Shadow attack, she gains +2 BP. So if she hits with a Shadow attack that lands a weakness, get gets 3 BP back.
The attack you're probably be going to do that with is -checks notes- Lightning of Darkness.
That can't be... really, Akatsuki? Really?
Sorry. So, yeah, Lightning of Darkness is 8 BP for S-rank Shadow/Lightning damage. That's expensive for an S-rank attack (although it's at the high end of S-rank, so you can think of it as a weak SS attack), but it hits two weaknesses, it debuffs all of the enemy's stats, and it inflicts an Attack Down on the enemy. So it's expensive because it's trying to cram a lot of stuff into one attack. The debuff is not going to be terribly useful because so many bosses will Defy Weakness at the first hint of stat debuffs, but on the rare occasion where that's not the case it can definitely be useful to debuff a bunch of stats at once. The attack down is small and only for 1 turn, so it's not amazing, but it's also noteworthy that it's not a Morale Down, so it will stack with Morale Down users.
Goby Spark is another overcosted attack, this time an AoE. Spark will clear all INT buffs on the targets in addition to debuffing their INT. That's actually a pretty big deal because it means she is really good at shutting down enemies that like to buff their INT, and enemies that love to buff their INT are some of the most problematic bosses. There's an inherit that's going to be better for this purpose in a lot of boss battles, but we're not quite to inherits, yet.
Like Matriarch, she's tanky against attacks that she resists. (She actually has the same ability - reduce resisted attacks and high chance to evade them.) Unlike Matriarch, she can stack more tankiness on top of that if you're flinging Lightning damage at the enemy, topping out at 40% mitigation if you hit with a lightning attack every single turn, healing herself with each of those as well. Oh, and if she's hitting a weakness, she'll tack a second tiny self-heal on as well. So if you're spamming Lightning of Darkness (-sigh-) and hitting a weakness with every attack, not only do you get the Attack Down effect and maybe some stat debuffs, but you're also ramping up to 64% mitigation (and 50% damage boosts) and double self-healing herself every turn.
And if you can spare the bonus BP, the bonus damage, and the bonus mitigation, she also has one of the most unique heals in the game. It's a 0 BP spell so it's BP positive on the turns she uses it despite forfeiting both of her BP ability procs that turn, but what's notable about it is that it grants the target a small Defense Up. Small Defense Up is only 5%, but it sticks for the rest of the battle, meaning Roc can dump her LP into Liam while he's dumping his LP to give him an extra 20% damage mitigation. And then she'll proceed to spam an Attack Down/stat debuff attack. Not bad, Roc. Not bad.

Inherits

-deep breath- OK, cannons. You can do this.
This is Rocbouquet's 9th style. Most of those styles have at least one relevant inherit. Many of them have multiple spells worth looking at.
So let's start with GLEX Roc, currently in the offbanner pool. Psycho Boom is a shadow attack that debuffs the enemy's INT and WIL which chases with Euthanize, which is another shadow attack that debuffs INT. It's a lot of INT debuffing in a single turn, and if it happens to hit a weakness, it refunds 6 of its 12 BP cost. The majority of bosses in modern content will definitely Defy Weakness the next turn, but if you happen to find a boss that doesn't Defy, it ruins INT-based attacks.
After that we have Blooming Fireworks, which amplifies into an A-rank shadow/heat AoE for 10 BP which refunds BP to the party. It's random whether it refunds 1 BP or 2, so it's technically an unreliable BP battery, but since it always grants at least 1, it's still functionally a pretty good BP support spell. Roc gaining +2 BP guaranteed when she casts it (shadow damage) and maybe getting another +1 if it hits a weakness makes her one of the best BP battery units in the game.
Finally from GLEX Roc (yes, all three of the spells on that style are worth considering for inherits) you have Lightning Crash. Lightning Crash isn't really anything special — it's just a 0 BP Shadow/Lightning spell that can stun its target. But it's worth inheriting because it lets Roc sustain her Lightning attack buffs while she's spamming her main S2 attack down/debuff attack.
Jumping around to other styles we have Marine Ball from her previous limited style, which is a 5 BP AoE Morale Down attack. It's pure cold damage so it doesn't trigger either of her damage type bonuses, but it's a 3-turn Morale Down that she can potentially stack with her S2's Attack Down if you need more damage debuffing from her.
Dark Pulse from her previous Prefecture style is a 3 BP shadow/lightning AoE attack. Its damage is not considered good for that BP cost anymore, but she can spam it forever and be BP positive like with Lightning Crash but hitting an AoE instead of just a single target, in the event that you need that.
Enraged Squid from that style also happens to be the highest potential damage spell she has. It's 12 BP and it hits randomly between 3 and 5 times, so it's not a reliable nuke, but if you want to use her for damage, that's the spell to go with.
Soul Freeze from her A style (in the offbanner pool; you almost certainly have it if you've pulled on more than 3 limited banners in the last 6 months) amplifies into an A-rank shadow AoE for 9 BP, which is a pretty good cost for the damage it deals. On farms, she can use this on both turns 1 and 2 as long as she hits a weakness with it on turn 1, which winds up being a really good amount of AoE over two turns. It also has a chance to paralyze, although if you want paralyze and you don't need the AoE, Shadow Chains from that style would be better, with both a much cheaper cost (2 BP) and a higher innate chance to paralyze.
Also from A Roc (yeah, another style where all three spells matter) you have Drain Life. Drain Life amplifies into a 4 BP B-rank shadow attack that comes attached with a Small self-heal. The self-heal sizing in this game is not helpfully categorized, and Small self-heal tends to equate to about 900-1200 heals, depending on formation and buffs, making it a spammable attack that is very good at keeping her HP topped up.
Moving on to her SaGa the Stage style, we have Tri-Flower, a C-rank shadow AoE for 6 BP. Tri Flower's damage is utterly unimpressive, but it also buffs the party's WIL, and this style can cast it a whooooole lot with its +2 BP on shadow hit, which is a very compelling option to have for a unit that can dispense Defense Ups.
Her Platinum SS style has Water of Life, which is not going to compare favorably to Graceful Cup in most situations, but it can remove stat debuffs, and in some situations that may be more important than the Defense Up.
Also from the Platinum style is Energy Storm. Energy Storm amps into an 8 BP B-rank shadow AoE. Soul Freeze+ is better damage for only slightly more BP, so on 2-round AoE farms, you would want to use Soul Freeze. On 3-round farms, however, Roc can use Energy Storm on all three rounds as long as she hits a weakness on turn 1 and turn 2. B-rank damage is not always going to clear a round on its own, but being able to cast it back-to-back-to-back is still damn handy.
OK! Final style! We're almost there, cannons!
Last but not least is her S style from the very first Tower event the game released. Lightning from that style amplifies into a 0 BP lightning attack, similar to Lightning Crash from GLEX Roc. Triggering just the lightning portion of her Goby Hook Switch ability is obviously worse than trigger both portions, but it's better than triggering none of them which is what her staff bonk would do. If you don't have Lightning Crash, consider Lightning+ as a filler spell for those turns where she needs to recharge BP - it sustains the DEF boost and it gives her a little more bonus heals.
But Lightning+ isn't the spell we really care about, here. The spell we really care about here is Dark Wash. Dark Wash amplifies into a 10 BP SSS-rank shadow attack, which is already a compelling option over the abysmally-named Lightning of Darkness. But above-and-beyond that, Dark Wash+ removes all stat buffs on its target — not just their INT buffs like Goby Spark does. Getting that buff break function out of a cheaper spell and for all stats is a pretty big deal, and since this is from a tower style, every player has access to it. She has a highly awkward BP rotation using it, so it's not accurate to say she can use it every-other-turn or every-three-turns, but she can use it frequently enough that she can keep even bosses that have pretty aggressive stat buffing in check fairly well.

Macha

Unit Summary

Overdrive damage enabler made far better with an inherit from her last style.

Unit Analysis

Macha with no inherits is kinda meh, honestly. She can theoretically get a lot of BP going between her innate +1 BP/turn and her S1's 25% chance to grant her +4 BP on cast. And she has a ~40% chance to chase every attack with Crimson Flare+, which is a pretty hefty chase attack backed up by her 65% damage boosts. But where she falls down is what she can spend that BP on.
Flame Bash and Saga Magical Train are both AoE attacks. Neither one is especially impressive damage-wise, but they both have decent rider effects. Flame Bash will buff Macha's INT (before attacking, so she gets the buff before damage is dealt) and Magical Train inflicts Sundered on the the targets for 2 turns. Sundered makes the enemy take more damage with each attack they take that turn, meaning if you have Liam and Silver on-deck, they wind up taking a ton of damage just from the chase attacks.
Macha benefits strongly from getting more Overdrive turns, both because inflicting Sundered first thing in the turn helps maximize the damage you get out of it and also because she chases Overdrive attacks with Crimson Sunflare, getting a free trigger on the Sundered effect.
Unfortunately, Macha's only innate defenses and a good chunk of her damage modifiers come from an automatic Morale Up and Guard Up she gets every turn, which do not stack with other Morale Up or Guard Ups. That gives her poor synergy with styles like Music Fest Goddess who grant the party Guard Ups, or Riki who grants the party Morale Ups, or Summer Fatima who does both. And since Macha is only helping to deal more damage, that failure to stack with other Morale Ups/Guard Ups does actually hinder her compared to other characters like Urpina who have innate defenses that do stack with Guard Ups and can dish out a decent amount of damage on their own whilst also helping to squeeze more damage out of their teammates.

Inherits

Divine Tree from her Lunar New Year style helps solve the issue above where the only thing Macha does is damage. Divine Tree is two hits of C-rank blunt/pierce damage which recovers the party's HP on each hit. Divine Tree is actually a decent attack in its own right, and with Macha's +BP tools you can use it frequently enough that it becomes the most heals-per-turn any character can muster without specific kinds of cooperation from the enemy. Of course, you don't wind up using it every turn, which can sometimes be a drawback (you may need the heal on a turn when her BP isn't ready), but on average it winds up being a very, very good healing tool.

Beef... it's what's defeating the enemies — Romancing Festival Limited Banner

Polka Lynn Wood

Unit Summary

Polka is a tank who can get in some counter hits, heal up his teammates, and dispense big hits that come attached to big attack boosts for the party.

Unit Analysis

First is Hearty Steak. Polka sizzles up a decent heal for a teammate and the charbroiled flavor continues to grant them an end-of-turn tiny heal for the next 5 turns. Whenever Polka uses it, he also grants himself that same 5 turns of end-of-turn heal. So it winds up being a good amount of healing for the LP, actually.
Second is Rising Kuroge Wagyu. Polka throws a whole-ass cow at the enemy for SSS-rank heat damage and the... smell...? grants the party a very large attack boost for the rest of the turn. Thankfully, it has [Fast] priority, so it's going to be rare for the attack boost to go to waste. Polka's damage is decent enough on his own, I suppose, but the attack boost for the party is still going to be the meat of the skill, here.
Third is his ability Skills of a Chef. Skills of a Chef is a solid damage mitigation ability plus Flame Ward (polka takes no heat damage and counters all direct attacks with a little heat attack) plus Overdrive chaser. What's the Overdrive chaser? It's Rising Kuroge Wagyu!
-presses hand to ear- I'm sorry, I've been informed that it's not an Overdrive chaser, it's an Overdrive counter. So on Overdrive turns, every time Polka gets hit, he drops a big heat attack on the enemy and he boosts the party's damage some more. If you have characters using big Delay attacks or you just expect Polka to get hit a lot that turn, that attack boost adds up for serious damage.
The longer the fight goes on the tougher Polka gets, so after 5 turns he's pretty tanky (nearly 60% mitigation) and has both reliable self-heal-on-hit and on-demand heal/turn. So he can take those direct attacks like a champ.

Inherits

Still Blade Phoenix is the big one, giving Polka a 9 BP SSS slash/heat delay attack that drops a decent-sized heal on the party. This Polka is slightly tankier than Robin Polka (the style that has that skill), has better BP rotation, and has slightly better self-heal potential, but winds up dealing less damage if the enemy is dishing out lots of direct attacks. (No stacking buff-on-hit and a weaker counterattack.) Your call, there.
If party-wide heals aren't your concern, there's also Back Detonation, an 8 BP SS heat attack that has a medium(!) self-heal. Medium self-heal is substantial enough that it can actually overheal with enough CHA buffs in play. And at the lower BP cost than Still Blade, Polka can use it more often, just straight face-tanking for the team.

Liz Lynn Wood

Unit Summary

Combination WIL buffer and counter defense booster. It's... yeah, it's weird, just read further.

Unit Analysis

OK, so Liz parallels Polka significantly. Where Polka has decent damage and slowly stacks up defense, Liz starts with solid defenses and slowly stacks up damage. Where Polka counters with an attack boost on overdrive turns, Liz counters with a defense boost. Where Polka has heals for the party and self-heals, Liz has WIL buffs for the party and self-heals. Where Polka ignores heat damage, Liz ignores cold damage.
The main difference between the two is that Polka is going to want to save his BP for the big attack + attack boost, where Liz is more likely to want to spam Aqua Bash+, the WIL buff. Aqua Bash is actually a decent attack (B-rank column cold damage for 4 BP) and has the highest Overdrive gain of any skill in the game (restores 25% of the gauge on hit), making her very good at cycling her Overdrive meter back to full. When she overdrive counters with Karatsu Water Wall, she grants a huge defense boost to the party, meaning in situations where you can focus a lot of direct attacks onto Liz, she can wind up absolutely flooring the damage the party takes on her Overdrive turns. And with support from Emelia and Thyme, you can make sure those overdrive turns happen pretty dang frequently.
Honestly, the spammable WIL buff on its own is a pretty sweet deal, but in battles where direct attacks are flying every which way? Yeah, Liz will put in work.

Inherits

Droplet from her last all-mage style is a spot heal that grants the target Guard Up. Great for helping someone survive a turn when Liz doesn't have Overdrive built up yet.
Twin Arrows from her A style (story reward from Polka's story) amplifies into an attack that grants her two tiny self-heals on hit for 3 BP. Great for helping top Liz's health back up between Overdrive turns.

Jo

Unit Summary

Supportish unit who gets to be super tanky for 10 total turns per battle.

Unit Analysis

When Jo's Overdrive gauge isn't full, she has 55% damage mitigation and 20% damage modifiers. When it is full, she has 30% damage mitigation and 45% damage modifiers.
On her overdrive turns, you will want to use Glacial Ray, a 10 BP SSS cold/sun attack with delay. Glacial Ray can only be used 5 times per battle (it's an arbitrary limit; think of it as costing 1 LP but you get to keep the LP for KO purposes), but it causes Jo to ignore all damage for 2 turns. With 55% damage mitigation on turns outside of that window, I don't think I need to explain how good that makes Jo at not getting KO'd.
OK, so she's tough to KO. That's great. What else she do? Well..... not a ton, actually. Glacial Ray is by far her best attack, the other two being E-rank damage and a B-Rank AoE. Fresh Squid (the E-rank attack) includes a self-heal, which is great, but again, it's not bringing much damage to the table. And Ice & Fire Giant Squid, the AoE, is fine damage-wise, and it even includes a Medium Morale Down for 2 turns to help keep damage input low for the rest of the team, but it's 8 BP, so you won't be spamming it.
Now, in fairness, Jo does get +2 BP/turn, so it's not at all difficult to rotate Hot/Cold Squid or to be ready with 10 BP for Glacial Ray on overdrive turns. But if you don't need the AoE component of the Morale Down, she also offers less damage than Aisha does with Earth Thrust, which also maintains a Morale Down.
Now "extremely sturdy + maintains Morale Down" is still a very good deal, don't get me wrong. There's definitely going to be battles where Jo is going to be better to bring than Aisha. But it's also not breaking new ground.

Inherits

Lots, but I'm going to focus on two.
Sunshower from her S style (a GLEX style that was awarded during an event I no longer recall; probably going to be avaialble as a drop at some point this month) is a 4 BP cold/sun AoE attack that grants the party a tiny heal. This is actually BP-positive on this style, since she gets +2 BP/turn automatically, allowing Jo to spam that heal until it's time to drop Glacial Ray. Or if you need the Morale Down more, you can have Sunshower in your back pocket to spend a little excess BP on to help keep the party topped up while you're rotating Hot/Cold Squid.
The other is Sparkling Ice from Robingal. Sparkling Ice deals SSS cold/sun damage, chases with SSS heat/sun damage, and then paralyzes Jo for 3 turns. This is not the highest-damage Jo to utilize this spell, but she is the only Jo style that can use it every-other-turn should you have someone who can cleanse the paralyze.
submitted by cannons_for_days to SaGa_ReuniverSe [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 06:46 omegacluster Album Anniversary List 2023-06-02

Today's anniversaries are:
1937
2009
2010
2012
2015
2016
2017
2018
2019
2020
2021
2022
submitted by omegacluster to ctebcm [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 06:45 TaknMdwN01 Tanky bosser build

He all,
I was a bit hyped about one of the 10 div challenge builds (siege spark inq) It’s a build from 3.20 and since I had around 15 div I gave it a shot. I’d like to focus more on bosses and it looked perfect since it’s also so tanky, and clear is ok as well.
However, it was at the point I was starting maps where I realized how much the talent tree changed each league, and the build is like impossible on the same budget now.
So yeah really burned out atm, and no I’m not interested in Diablo 4 somehow.
Anyway, I guess the league is over for me now.
The question is, has there been a specific build or class that performs good on a reasonable budget every league that is tanky, boss killer and has ok clear?
I could be a bit more prepared for next league then :)
I know it’s never certain that builds will be still strong next leagues, but perhaps there is a build that works well with small changes each league.
It doesn’t need to be 10 div, but 100 to 150 is also ok, as long as it’s not mirrors, I should have no problem to farm that up.
submitted by TaknMdwN01 to PathOfExileBuilds [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 06:17 dekomaro6 Is a beacon worth putting in the lost cities?

I wanted to make farming those mutated trees a little easier, so does it work and would it be effective?
submitted by dekomaro6 to RLCraft [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 04:47 Akor123 Buying a tractor

Hello. I am looking to buy a tractor but know nothing about them. My uncle and cousins own a farm but I never worked on it unfortunately and am pretty lost.
I am looking to clear brush and small trees, move dirt, brush hog and rototill for planting plots for deer hunting and gardens. I have a budget of 10-15k. My cousin said I should look for a 50-75hp tractor with 4WD. He said John Deere and kubota have always been reliable to them and to look for under 4000 hours. Anyone have suggestions of where to start, or what names I should be looking for? Also is it best to go to an online auction, Craigslist/FB marketplace, or just drive around the country and look for some? Thank you in advance.
submitted by Akor123 to tractors [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 04:45 Gameran Dexter Flux Presents: Sound-Off! - Part One

Previously unannounced press conference, May 31, 2023.

Cameras are rolling as the owner of Mann Corporation, Shay D. Mann, hair in a perfectly put-together part, adorned in a navy suit and white tie, steps forward to a podium, in front of a WiR backdrop, microphone in hand.
Mann: My name is Shay Duncan Mann. And I am the new owner and proprietor of Wrestling is Reddit. I can assure you that your beloved Allen Paisner will be returning in the future, however, he could not make tonight's show due to some…
Mann smirks.
Mann: Legal complications. But fear not, I’ll be taking his place in the booth tonight.
The crowd erupts with applause and cheers, eager to witness the rebirth of their beloved wrestling promotion, even without Paisner for the evening.
Mann: Tonight, we embark on an exhilarating journey, as WiR takes a bold leap forward. I stand before you not just as the owner, but as a “fan”—a fan who understands the passion and dedication that this community shares for the world of wrestling.
Mann tries to hide a grimace as he proclaims his “fandom”. The crowd anticipates Mann’s next move
Mann: For too long, WiR has been dormant, unable to proceed, some of the talent trapped in Europe with no way home. But this, is no more! Today, we resurrect the spirit of WiR, bringing it back to life with a bang! And what better way to open things up by “Sounding Off"! Presented by the one and only, Dexter Flux
The crowd gives an actual cheer with genuine enthusiasm at the mention of Flux, their sort of god-king.
Mann: "Sound Off" isn't just a name; it's a rallying cry! It's a call for all of you, the WiR faithful, to voice your opinions, to express your passion, and to join us in this incredible journey. This event will be a celebration of everything that makes WiR special—the wrestling, the community, and the shared experiences that bring us all together.
The press conference crowd, whose papering becomes increasingly obvious the more Mann talks, is enthusiastic, as they eagerly hang onto Shay D. Mann's every word, perhaps a little too eagerly.
Mann: Tonight, in this very ring, our talented roster will ignite your imagination, deliver jaw-dropping performances, and create moments that will be etched in your memories forever. Sound Off! will leave you on the edge of your seats, craving for more.
The crowd roars with the excitement of a hair dryer pop.
Mann: But this is not just a show; it's a community. Together, we'll embrace the highs and lows, the victories and defeats. We'll share our opinions, engage in spirited debates, and build something truly remarkable. WiR is your platform—your voice will be heard!
The crowd erupts once again, their cheers echoing through the arena, showcasing their dedication to WiR, or getting paid to be there
Mann: So, my friends, get ready to immerse yourselves in the magic of WiR once again. Open your hearts, open your minds, and let the exhilaration of "Sound Off" wash over you! Tonight, we begin a new era—one that will redefine the landscape of this sport. Welcome back to WiR, my friends. Because Wrestling… is Revived.
With a sly smile, Shay D. Mann raises his microphone high, signaling the start of the show, as things fade to a video of Dexter Flux. His face is slightly out of frame as the camera points to his chest and chin.
Crowd: YEEEEAAAHHHHHH WE LOVE FLUX! WE LOVE FLUX!
Flux: Hey, it’s me, Dexter Flux. Welcome, uh, welcome you know, back to wrestl- Ugh, sorry, something was like, in my throat. Wrestling is Reddit. Welcome back to Wrestling is Reddit. This is House Party.

Knott's Berry Farm, June 1st, 2023.

With that rousing introduction, we now cut back to the day of, with a drone shot of the ring set up at Knott’s Berry Farm, fans on makeshift stands in the berry field, a parking lot and farmhouse off in the far distance, before [off brand royalty free music] begins to play!
Crowd: YEEEAAHHHH
Through the makeshift curtain, Tony “The Milkman” Stevens appears, wearing a pair of off-blue tights with cow white print, a single blue elbow pad on the left side, with a pair of gloved hands- in which, he holds a pristine white umbrella. The Milkman points his umbrella right down the lens of the camera…
Milkman: Good to be back, fellas, and good to see you, Mr. Cameraman! Been a while.
Mann: And here comes the Milkman, and a huge ovation from this crowd! But no Horde jacket with him!
Woodbridge: Or any jacket. But we’re in Anaheim, its hot out
Mann You’re right. But he did prepare for rain.
The Milkman hands off his umbrella to a fan at ringside, before sliding under the bottom rope, and ascending the left hard camera turnbuckle, firing up the crowd, before doing a backflip off the top rope, and into the ring!
Crowd: YEEAAAAHHHHHH
The Camera cuts back to the entranceway, as the music changes, to Skillet
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOO
Jericho Styles appears on the ramp, adorned in an Allen Iverson Nuggets Jersey. He blows off a fan’s high five attempt, before sliding into the ring and taking a position opposite of Stevens.
Babaganoush: WiR fans… welcome to Anaheim California, the beautiful Knotts Berry Farm! Welcome! To Sound Off! Presented by Dexter Flux.
Crowd: W-I-R! W-I-R! W-I-R! W-I-R!
Banaganoush: Our opening contest is scheduled for one fall to a finish. Introducing first, to my right… wrestling out San Jose California, weighing in at 217 pounds, Jericho… Styles!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO
Babaganoush: And his opponent, to my left. Weighing in at 208 pounds…
Crowd begins to rise
Babaganoush: Wrestling out of… Brooklyn, New York! Tony… “The Milkmaaannnnnnn” Stevens!
Crowd erupts into indiscriminate cheers
DING DING DING
The Milkman and Styles circle each other as the bell rings, before Styles takes the initiative with a lock up attempt, which he quickly transitions to a rear waist lock. Milkman thinks on his feet, and grabs the arm of Styles lifting it above his head, and turning to break the lock, before using it to get behind Jericho, who uses his size advantage to overpower Stevens and apply a hammerlock, using the position to turn Stevens around, and take him down to the mat with an arm drag, maintaining control of the arm, which he quickly leverages into a pinfall…
ONE
Milkman gets his free shoulder up!
Crowd: Yay!
Woodbridge: JZ leveraging some technical skill here in the opening moments of this one, but can’t keep the Milkman down!
Mann: Only one count for Styles
Styles refuses to relinquish his grip on the arm, and as Stevens gets up, pushes him back into the corner before he can balance himself. Styles whips Stevens across the ring to the other corner, before charging in and being met with Milkman’s knee! Stevens capitalizes on his newly made opening by delivering a sharp kick to the chest of Styles, before whipping him against the ropes. Styles charges back, and tries to use his momentum to catch Stevens with a hip toss, but can only get Stevens a few inches of height off the ground before the Milkman lands on his feet, lifts and Styles up for an atomic drop, which forces him to let go of Stevens. With his arm now free, The Milkman plants himself, and delivers a [devastating lariat]. With what self-preservation he has left, Styles rolls to the outside, and onto the grass.
Woodbridge: And The Milkman just leveled Styles with that lariat!
Mann: Not something we’re quite used to seeing from Stevens, some hard strikes early in this one that really seemed to throw Styles off his game.
Styles pulls himself up by the barricade, to the direct ire of front-row fans who continue to heckle him. Back in the ring, Stevens throws himself off the far-end ropes, charges in for a dive… before Styles ducks down to avoid being hit. Stevens doesn’t change speed, and instead, throws himself between the ropes for a 6-1-9 that hits nothing but air, launching himself back into the ring, and landing on his feet. After this feat of dexterity, and with Styles on the ground outside, The Milkman takes a bow for his efforts.
Crowd: YEEEAAHHH!!
Four dues in front of the hard cam: WE LOVE MILK! WE LOVE MILK!
At a count of eight, Styles, returns to the ring, and the two wrestlers square off again. Styles gets the better of the two on the lockup, delivering a stomp to Stevens’ foot, before kneeling him in the stomach. Styles lifts Stevens up for a suplex, but Stevens shifts his weight and lands on his feet behind him! The Milkman attempts a German suplex, but Styles throws a firm elbow to the jaw and repositions behind Stevens for a German attempt of his own. Stevens gives Styles a receipt with a firm, calcium-hardened elbow of his own, before bounding over to the ropes, and attempting a lionsault to a standing Styles! Styles catches him, but Stevens slips free, pushes Styles into the corner, and he takes a chest-first bump. Stevens harnesses his agility once more to get into poison-rana position on the shoulders of Styles, but Styles uses one arm to flip Milkman off balance and send him tumbling to the ground. Quickly, Stevens attempts to transition to a sunset flip but has to abandon ship as Styles tries to poke him in the eyes, jamming his finger into the canvas as a result. Stevens uses the moment to leap up to Bret’s rope, turn around, and deliver a dropkick to Styles! Stevens then rolls to the apron, and pumps up the crowd with a wave of his hand…
Crowd: YEEEAAAHHH WOOO!!
Guy already 4 cheap beers in: I hate this Styles guy!
…and delivers another springboard dropkick, this one from the top rope! Stevens flexes for the crowd, before rolling into a cover…
ONE
TWO
Styles gets a shoulder up!
Mann: Does The Milkman seem a bit different to you, Woodbridge?
Woodbridge: Milkman definitely wants to show off early, he looks like he hasn’t lost a step!
Mann: Maybe even gained one, and it almost feels like he’s being a bit disrespectful of his opponent, don’t you think?
Woodbridge: And what are you insinuating?
Mann: Well, maybe performing in front of a WiR crowd again has him a little more amped than usual! Trying a lot of those high-risk maneuvers early- we’re only a few minutes into this one, folks!
After the Kickout, Stevens signals to the cheering crowd, runs off the ropes, and attempts a wheelbarrow bulldog, but as he pushes himself up, Styles swivels his hips, and Stevens face plants into the mat.
Mann: And Stevens’ showing off cost him there!
Styles knees Stevens in the stomach, before putting his head between the legs, and sets up for the Styles Clash! He can’t lock in Milkman’s arms, and Stevens uses them to push off the mat to sit up above Jericho! Stevens tries throwing a punch at Jericho’s head, but he pivots his plan, and adjusts to deliver a powerbomb! As he releases, Stevens adjusts his body and manages to mitigate some of the damage by landing awkwardly on the back foot, stumbling back into the ropes.
Mann: If Styles hit that, it could have spelled an early end for Stevens!
Stevens pulls himself back to his feet using the ropes and charges back in with a clothesline attempt, but Styles sees it coming, grabs the arm and uses it to shift the momentum, and lifts Stevens for a tilt-a-whirl Backbreaker!
Crowd: BOOOOOO
Mann: And Styles seems to be in control here.
Woodbridge: Stevens took some early momentum, but Styles has had a counter for everything Stevens has thrown at him.
Styles pulls Stevens up to his feet by the hair, before casually flipping one of Stevens’ arms over his shoulder for a uranage position before holding his arms out to the crowd!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO
Styles smirks at the boos incoming, and throws Stevens with a t-bone suplex. Once Stevens is planted, Styles stomps the stomach to force him to sit up, before stretching the arms behind for a surfboard stretch!
Styles: I’m a technical wrestler now, assholes!
Mann: Styles slowing things down here, grounding the Milkman
Woodbridge: Not a bad strategy, we saw how The Milkman was in control with a faster pace!
One guy holding up a sign with Goku: WE-LOVE-GOKU! WE-LOVE-GOKU!
Everyone else in the crowd is deafeningly silent
Styles: AND WHAT WOULD GOKU DO HERE, STUPID IDIOT?
Styles breaks his hold and approaches the hard camera ropes to yell at the fan more
Styles: Dragon Ball is overrated trash!
Styles kicks Stevens back to the mat
Styles That one was for you, fucking weeb!
As Stevens once again rises to his feet, Styles punches him and he falls back to the mat, just for Styles to pick him back up, and line up against the ropes, for an irish whip. As Stevens returns to sender, Styles throws him straight up in the air… and football punts him in the chest on the way down!
Styles: Hey weeb guy! This one’s for you too! I saw a Japanese dude do it once!
Styles lifts Stevens up, sets him up with the arms behind the back… and delivers a slow, sloppy [tiger driver], before placing a single foot on the chest, and flexing
ONE
TWO
Kickout!
Crowd: YEEEAAAHHHH
Woodbridge: Well, he didn’t quite get all of it.
Styles takes time to put Stevens in a Camel Clutch.
Mann: And it seems Styles didn’t want to get left out of showing off!
Woodbridge: Well, he certainly nailed Milkman with that kick, but the Tiger Driver left a lot to be desired.
Mann: Styles seems to have control of this match when it’s slowed down, wearing Stevens with this technical wrestling prowess.
Woodbridge, reaching under the desk for a paper bag: Everyone wants to be a hero in front of the first crowd in two years
Styles releases Stevens from the hold by battering him in the back of the head with a forearm, picking him up by the scruff, and bouncing him off the ropes for an Irish whip and hitting him with the kitchen sink! But Stevens wastes no motion, and grabs the leg, turning Styles over for a rollup!
ONE
TWO
THR-
Kickout!
Crowd: BOOOOOO
Woodbridge: He almost got him with that rollup! From out of nowhere!
The Milkman tries to capitalize, but Styles returns the favor with a boot to the stomach.
Styles: I’ll show you to make a damn fool out of me!
Styles hoists Stevens up for a vertical suplex, before taking two steps and chucking him across the top rope! The Milkman bounces off the top rope, makes a deflating noise as the air is forced out of his lungs, and flops down to the floor outside!
Mann: Styles with some kind of inverted lawn-dart maneuver! Woodbridge, do you know what that’s called?
Woodbridge: Nope.
Crowd: BOOOOOO
Styles: Come on, milk boy, you have anything else for me?
Stevens crawls back into the ring, holding onto his ribs, before Styles once again kicks him in the stomach, and applies a chin lock in the ring.
Mann: Styles has found his target! If Stevens can’t breathe, he can’t fight!
Woodbridge: The young Styles showing some veteran instinct here, Mann, if Stevens has the wind knocked out of him, he can’t perform those high-flying moves he was nailing Styles with earlier!
Styles turns to the side, and locks Milkman in a body scissors, using his legs to apply pressure to the ribcage. Stevens tries to use his free legs to push both men closer to the ropes, but can only move them a few feet. Stevens smacks the mat with his free hand, and a guy in the crowd does it to the barricade. Stevens smacks the mat again, and a few more fans join in.
Crowd Smacking the barricade
Stevens pushes towards the ropes again, making more progress. Styles sees this, and releases the hold, grabbing Stevens by the hair with one hand, tights in the other, and pulling him up to his feet.
Styles: You want the ropes so bad, here, have them!
Styles runs over to the ropes with the Milkman, and hurls him between the middle and top rope, dumping him to the outside where he lands with a noticeable thud. Styles follows him to the outside, taking his time to savor the boos of the crowd, before delivering a knee to a rising Milkman, and lifting him for a vertical suplex on the grass! Styles rolls into the ring… and back out again to break the count. Despite the present beating, Stevens once again pulls himself to his feet.
Crowd: YEAAAH
And Styles knees him in the ribs.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO
Styles rolls Stevens back into the ring before taking a moment to confront the drunk fan who jeered him earlier. After his verbal exchange, Styles delivers a scoop slam to Stevens to keep him down, and the pressure on the body, before sliding into a cover.
ONE
TWO
Kickout!
Mann: Forcing Stevens to exert more energy there on the kick out, after continuing his assault on the ribs. A very solid strategy by Styles in this one.
Styles picks The Milkman up once more and prepares another vertical suplex, but the Milkman slips free! Stevens lands behind Styles, hooks his arms, and goes for a crucifix pin!
ONE
TWO
THRE-
Styles barely escapes! The Milkman wastes no motion as Styles rises back to his feet, bouncing off the hard camera ropes, and forcing Styles to drop back to the mat to avoid a strike. Stevens bounces off the opposite end, and Styles barely avoids him once more, this time with a slide-step that sees him almost lose his balance. Styles tries to save his momentum by charging at Stevens as he bounces off the ropes a third time, but Stevens pulls down the top rope, sending Styles to the apron! Stevens kicks Styles in the knee, before going through the middle rope to meet Styles on the apron. Styles tries to sweep out the leg of the Milkman, knocking himself down to one knee on the attempt, but Stevens jumps over it, and catches Styles with a Calcium Kiss Superkick that sends Styles to the grass below!
Crowd: YEAAAHH
With his foe grounded, Stevens looks to the crowd, positions himself in the middle of the ring, and before Styles can discover where he is, Stevens takes flight, springboarding off the middle rope with an Asai Milksault! On the landing, Stevens’ left knee awkwardly hits the uneven yard, and he visibly grimaces before falling backward.
Mann: And both men are down after that! Stevens with a ferocious comeback attempt, but he may have hurt himself!
Woodbridge: Someone hasn’t been taking care of their lawn.
Stevens hears the air exit the crowd, and pulls himself up, giving them a reassuring thumbs up, before using the leg he landed on to kick Styles in the back of his knee, before throwing him back into the ring. Stevens puts one leg into the ring through the middle rope, before looking into the crowd- and deciding to ascend the turnbuckles instead! The Milkman leaps, and delivers a diving hurricanrana! As Styles tries to roll to the ropes, Stevens uses their good leg to stomp on his chest, before pulling him back to the middle of the ring, and hitting a Standing Milksault! Stevens maintains the cover!
ONE
TWO
THR-
Styles gets a shoulder up!
Woodbridge: And Stevens throwing everything into this assault on Styles, but it still wasn’t enough to put him down!
Crowd: Let’s Go Milk-man! Let’s Go Milk-man!
Stevens picks Styles up, and lifts him onto his shoulders…
Woodbridge: He’s going for the Milky Way!
…But the injured knee can’t hold up the weight, and both men crash to the mat.
Entrance Music begins to play as a small, skinny wrestler in a leather jacket waltzes towards the two downed competitors
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mann: And that’s Raven Van Loupe! Van Loupe is here at Sound Off!
Woodbridge: These two formed an alliance last time we saw them! But will it hold after the time off?
Van Loupe enters the ring, despite the protests of WiR official Tai Ni Wong, and glances at the pair as both try to pull themselves up, Stevens using the ropes, Styles on his own. Van Loupe looks back and forth… before kicking Stevens in the injured knee!
DING DING DING
Babaganoush: And here is your winner…
Van Loupe helps Styles to his feet, and the pair begin to lay the boots on Stevens.
Babaganoush: By disqualification as a result of interference, and striking a WiR official…
Styles takes the knee of the downed Milkman, and lifts it above his head, before thrashing it against the canvas.
Babaganoush: At a time of…
Van Loupe has Styles lift Stevens by the hair once more, before she runs to the ropes, jumps off the second rope, and Styles pushes The Milkman into the cutter.
Babaganoush: Ten minutes and twenty-three seconds…
Styles and Van Loupe stand over Stevens, and Styles prepares to deliver the finishing blow as he signals to the crowd that he is looking for the Styles Clash!
Banaganoush: Tony “The Milkmannnnnn” Stevens!!!!!!
Van Loupe: Are you done?
Van Loupe gives Styles a thumbs up, but as he goes to finish off Stevens, a mighty howl plays over the speakers as a short, scruffy man runs to the ring.
Woodbridge: That’s The Werewolf!
Mann Johnny, A Werewolf, is here! And he’s rushing to the ring!
Styles lets Stevens flop back down to the mat, holding his knee, and turns to face the incoming Werewolf as he slides under the ropes and into the ring. Styles steps before Vna Loupe to intercept, but the fresh Werewolf knocks him off his feet with The Pounce. The Werewolf comes face to face with Van Loupe in the center of the ring!
Crowd: AWOOOOOO
Mann: Pandemonium has broken out in the first match of Sound Off! And the fans are loving it!
Crowd: WE LOVE WERE-WOLF! clap clap clap clap clap WE LOVE WERE-WOLF!
Woodbridge: The Pack Wolf and the Werewolf facing off in the center of the ring!
Mann: And these two have unfinished business! The Lifeblood exists because they took issue with being left behind for signings like Werewolf!
Johnny feints left, before throwing a right jab! The Werewolf unleashes Pack Tactics on Van Loupe! As he stops throwing punches, and signals for another pounce, Styles kips up, and levels the werewolf with a lariat!
Crowd: BOOOOO
Van Loupe and Styles begin to wear down the Werewolf, delivering blow after blow to Johnny as the boos rain from the crowd. Van Loupe delivers a stomp to the knee of The Milkman to keep him down before they and Jericho set up to finish off styles…
When an Italian Flag appears on the video screen, and an absolute guido of an Italian-American, hair dripping with greaseslowly walks out from behind the curtain, wearing a Shohei Ohtani jersey!
…A Shohei Ohtani… New York Mets jersey.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mann: That’s The Apex! Arturo Stiglione! Stiglione is in the yard!
Stiglione slowly scopes out the scene on his way to the ring, seeing the downed Milkman on the left of the ring, the downed werewolf on the right, and the standing Lifeblood members in the middle. He slowly ascends the stairs and stands across from Van Loupe and Styles.
Wodbridge: And The Apex, not a fan of Johnny, a very terse relationship between these two.
Apex: Hell ova job ya done hea’
Van Loupe: If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stand aside, and maybe we won’t hurt you.
Apex: Dont’cha mind me, just monitoring the situation.
Styles pulls Van Loupe aside, and the two have an impromptu conference, before nodding along, and continuing their attack on Werewolf.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
With The Lifeblood’s backs turned Styles looks down at his fist. He looks down at the blue and orange he’s adorned in, and loosens up his arm. He points to the back of Styles, who senses the crowd rising, and turns around… to be met with a spinning backfist!!
Crowd: YEEEAAAHHHH
Mann: Styles has made his choice! And he chooses to stand against The Lifeblood!
Van Loupe hears his body hit the canvas, and turns around, to be met with the sight of a downed Styles! The Apex takes off his Mets jersey… to reveal an Angels jersey! The Werewolf is back on his feet, and he and the Apex come face to face! Van Loupe rises back up at the wrong time, as the two share a nod, and deliver a double clothesline! Seeing the situation turn against him, Styles slinks to the outside, and grabs a chair from under the ring, before sneaking back in behind the Werewolf and Apex, who have turned to the hard camera. Styles raises the chair to strike…
...And gets blasted by a Calcium Kiss from The Milkman!
Crowd: WOOOOOO
The three faces are all back on their feet in the middle of the ring, standing tall! As the three begin to celebrate…
“It’s a Psychobilly Freakout!
Mann: That’s the music of Mason Saunders! But where is he?
Saunders’ music plays, but the entranceway remains empty.
Woodbridge: He’s behind us, Mann! He just jumped the barricade!
Mann: But he’s outnumbered, Woodbridge, both his allies are down!
Undeterred by the numbers disadvantage, Saunders slides behind the faces, and as they recognize the trap, Saunders is already in the ring! The Werewolf approaches first and throws a jab that almost seems to bounce off the chin of Saunders. Saunders simply stares, and when the Werewolf tries a second one, Saunders swipes it aside with a tree trunk arm, before launching into action and dropping the Werewolf with a right hook, which catches the Werewolf cleanly on the jaw, who slumps backward onto the canvas. The Milkman tries to charge to his aid, but Saunders delivers a pump kick to put him back on the canvas. The Apex tries to make a move while Saunders’ back is turned facing Stevens, but he fails to do any damage and is swiftly thrown aside. Saunders drops the Milkman again, before turning around to face Apex… who turns around, and flees the ring as fast as possible!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Mann: And Stiglione, getting out of dodge as soon as he can!
Woodbridge: And turning tail and running, Stiglione is out of here!
As Stiglione flees up the entranceway, the rest of the Lifeblood begins to pick themselves up. Saunders puts the Werewolf pack down on the canvas with a scoop powerslam, and boots him out of the ring. The Lifeblood stand united, and face the hard camera, Stiglione and Werewolf removed, and the Milkman down on the opposite end of the ring. JZ ascends to the second rope of the left turnbuckle, Van Loupe to the right, and the three all pose for the hard camera!
Mann: And the Lifeblood, although not victorious in the match, is victorious here in the aftermath!
Woodbridge: But wait, The Milkman is trying to get back up!
Mann: Stevens of course, left for the picking, as other members of The Horde are all the way on the other side of the Farm preparing for their match later!
Stevens struggles to pull himself up to his feet, knee buckling under him. Saunders perks up, and stops his pose. Stevens staggers to his feet, and before he can get very far, Saunders turns, and with blinding speed nails Stevens with a disgusting lariat that nearly takes his head off!
Woodbridge: And the Milk has gone spoiled.
The Lifeblood circle the downed Milkman like vultures, and Van Loupe drops to one knee, and picks up the Milkman’s head by the hair! JZ gets down as well, and the two strike a pose, with Milkman’s body as the centerpiece!
Mann: A statement made, by the Lifeblood
Woodbridge: To me, Mann, it looks like the statement was made by Saunders, Van Loupe, and JZ just picked up the scraps!
Van Loupe, holding up Milkman to the Camera victoriously: Take a look, WiR, this is the future! We are the Lifeblood of this company, and don’t forget that!
The camera pans out to JZ and Van Loupe celebrating over Milkman’s body, while Saunders stares from behind, before fading out to a commercial break.
Javier: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, with a 20 minute time limit. Your referee for this contest is Mia So Hung. Introducing first, from Montreal, Canada, weighing in at 119 pounds...... GIGI♥ V!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
A significantly smaller but incredibly loud section of the crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Music begins to swell in the background, and the crowd continues their jeering (and occasional unbridled simping) until Gigi steps out, running her hands down her body to the lewd Ashnikko verse.
Mann: Gigi here, surrounded by her legion of fans, who are then surrounded by a legion of people who absolutely despise her. As it should be here in WiR.
Gigi saunters to the ring, taking vaguely suggestive selfies with her ravenous fans on the front row, and generally seeming uncaring about the forthcoming match.
Woodbridge: And given her successes recently, it’s gonna be easy to overlook a competitor like Li Xiao, which very easily could prove fatal.
Gigi steps into the ring, as Javier starts his announcing again.
Javier: And her opponent, from Hong Kong, weighing in at 105 pounds... LI XIAO!!!
A unfamiliar metal song blasts out from the speakers, and a rather familiar hyperactive martial artist bounces out from behind the curtain!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Xiao charges down the ramp with a head of steam, hyped and ready to fight.
Mann: Xiao has some of the most devastating offense in this company, and if she’s able to keep momentum, it could very well shatter Gigi’s plans of making a statement here!
Woodbridge: Yeah, sure, but Xiao’s a tag team specialist first and foremost. She comes in to deal damage and then gets out before she takes too much abuse.
Xiao hops into the ring, and the referee pats both competitors down, before gesturing for the bell.
DING DING DING
In an interesting turn of events, Gigi and Li Xiao start off with a collar-and-elbow tie up in the center of the ring. Gigi takes quick advantage of her height and weight advantage to gain leverage and force Li Xiao backwards into the ropes.
Mann: Gigi starting off with the basics here, knowing Li Xiao is nothing if not an incredibly explosive fighter.
Woodbridge: That’s right, Xiao wrestles like my grandpa used to make moonshine, god rest his soul!
Gigi sets herself, and when Xiao tries to push off the ropes and get Gigi off, Gigi directs the momentum into a modified biel, throwing Li Xiao across the ring! Gigi takes a moment to smirk and pose for the fans - a mistake, as Xiao rolls through the throw and hits the ropes on the opposite side of the ring!
Mann: Incredible strength from Gigi!
Gigi turns around into a sprinting palm strike from Xiao, staggering backwards into the ropes yet again, and Xiao follows up with a big kick to the gut! Gigi’s doubled over, and Xiao drops her with a DDT!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s fired up, and she’s quite possibly looking to end this match before it even gets started!
Xiao with the cover!
1!
2!
Gigi kicks out right at 2, and rolls up, obviously shocked and dazed. The crowd in attendance is split, with the wrestling fans excited to see Gigi on the ropes, and the Gigi fans absolutely in shambles. Xiao is up quickly, as Gigi staggers to her feet - Xiao hits the ropes, springboards, and catches Gigi with a beautiful headscissors!
Crowd: WOOOOOO!
Gigi rolls through, runs the ropes, and comes back with a head of steam! Xiao dodges a clothesline attempt, shoves Gigi to the other rope, and gets ready for the comeback - Gigi catches the ropes! Xiao charges in to press the advantage, and eats an officially branded Gigi♥ boot to the face! Xiao is absolutely rocked, staggering backwards, and this time Gigi takes the initiative and absolutely levels Xiao with a clothesline! Xiao spirals to the mat, and Gigi blows a kiss to the fans in attendance!
Gigi: I am your future champion, and this is the match I’m booked in?
Gigi catches Xiao with a boot to the back of the head! Xiao rolls over, and Gigi drops a knee onto her throat, before going for the cover!
1!
2!
Xiao muscles out of the pin, clutching her head!
Woodbridge: We got two high fliers here, these women make a livin’ out of dodging attacks. Anything that lands here is going to be devastating!
Mann: And right now, it looks like Xiao is barely conscious after those blows to the head!
Gigi gets up, and winks at her fans in attendance and watching live throughout the world.
Crowd: BOOOOOO!/YAAAAAAAAAAY!
Gigi saunters over to Xiao, and plays up the boot she’s about to give - SMALL PACKAGE! SMALL PACKAGE!
1!
2!
Gigi kicks out, and her mood instantly changes. Xiao is staggering to her feet, and takes a full on slap to the face!
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH!
Mann: What a slap from Gigi, obviously assisted by her official Gigi♥ gloves, sponsored by Fairtex!
Woodbridge: Gigi’s pissed now, and you could hear that slap all the way in Los Angeles!
Xiao clutches her face, and Gigi follows up with a huge kick to the gut! Xiao falls to one knee, and Gigi finishes the trifecta with a roundhouse to the head!
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!
Xiao collapses to the mat!
Mann: And Xiao’s down! What a kick!
Woodbridge: That kick nearly took her head off, Shay! I don’t know if she’s even conscious down there!
Gigi’s prepared, and is looking to finish this, climbing to the top rope! Xiao is flat on her back on the mat, and Gigi takes the leap, flipping forwards with a swanton! Xiao is still conscious, though, and rolls away in the nick of time, leaving Gigi high and dry!
Crowd: YAAAAAAY! KUNG PAO! KUNG PAO! KUNG PAO!
Mann: I... feel like that’s problematic, somehow.
Woodbridge: Nah, ‘sfine, don’t worry about it.
Xiao grabs for the ropes, pulling herself to her feet, but is obviously still dazed from the kick!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s hurt!
Mann: You see this a lot in Li Xiao singles matches - she’s got an incredible offense, but she’s fragile at best in-ring!
Gigi is holding her back, and glares at Xiao in frustration!
Gigi: You were supposed to stay down! it was going on Tiktok!
Gigi charges forward, ready to avenge her mistake, but takes a knee to the gut! Gigi staggers for a second, only to get a chop to the neck! She’s reeling! Xiao with a forearm! Xiao with a elbow strike!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHH!
Xiao takes a step backwards, and lets out a KIAI, before charging forward with a roundhouse - NO! SCHOOLBOY FROM GIGI!
1!
2!
Xiao kicks out at 2.6, rolls to her feet, and is immediately back on the offensive, catching Gigi with a kick to the gut!
Mann: Xiao was going for her trademark flurry of blows, and that roundhouse could very well have ended this match!
Woodbridge: Sure, but it doesn’t look like Gigi’s in a better spot right now anyway!
Xiao measures, as Gigi slowly gets back to her feet, and steps through the ropes, stalking her opponent! Gigi’s up, and Xiao leaps onto the ropes, going for a springboard - GIGI HOOKS HER LEG!
Crowd: BOOOOO!
Xiao loses her footing, and falls neck-first onto the ropes, before collapsing to the outside of the ring!
Mann: Gigi with a lightning-quick reversal!
Woodbridge: Xiao might be seriously hurt down there!
Gigi regains some of her confidence, and gives the crowd an innocent smile, completely ignoring the competitor she might have seriously injured. As the count reaches six, Gigi finally springs into action, rolling out of the ring, and grabbing Xiao by the hair!
Gigi: That’s what you get for ruining my moment!
Gigi pulls Xiao up to her feet, and throws her into the ring. Gigi rolls in as Xiao fights to one knee, then to her feet! Gigi smirks, and stands in front of Xiao, posing for the crowd -
WHAM!
Xiao with a JKD backfist!
Woodbridge: River City Knockout! That’s Biff’s move! What a moment to strike!
Gigi is staggered - falls to one knee - then gets back up, just in time to eat THE CRANE KICK
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Woodbridge: CRANE KICK! CRANE KICK!
Gigi is down! Xiao is staggering after landing the crane kick, and collapses to a knee herself! Xiao takes a moment to collect herself, then throws herself into the cover, hooking both legs!
1!
2!
3!
NO!
Mia hits the three count, and Xiao rolls off, sure she’s won the match, but Gigi’s right hand is on the ropes!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mia explains to Xiao, who is obviously frustrated, but nods. She takes a moment to kick Gigi’s wrist, knocking her hand off the ropes, before climbing to the top rope! Xiao steels herself - leaps - corkscrews through the air!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s Wing!
Gigi gets her knees up! Xiao lands back-first onto Gigi’s knees! Xiao bounces halfway across the ring, clutching her back and neck, and lands on her chest!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mann: And Gigi has just enough in the tank to get that counter in!
Gigi, with what seems like massive effort, rolls over, before crawling towards Xiao, who seems to be completely out of it. She crawls over Xiao, with a knowing smirk, before hooking her legs around Xiao’s head!
Mann: Gigi looking for the Paywall, this modified figure four choke!
Woodbridge: And half the audience is looking at something else right now.
Gigi torques Xiao’s already injured neck back, cutting off all airflow! Xiao struggles for a moment, but is trapped in the center of the ring! She crawls forward, but Gigi leans back, torquing her neck even further! Xiao swings back with an elbow, then another, but her arm is caught by Gigi’s free hand! After a moment of struggling, Xiao finally relents, and taps in the center of the ring!
DING DING DING!
Javier: And your winner, at a time of 7:53.... GIGI!
Gigi rolls out of the ring, obviously the worse for wear, clutching her neck after the crane kick to the skull!
Mann: And Gigi with a hard-fought win after these two threw everything at each other in a absolutely brutal short match!
Woodbridge: Xiao’s not a singles competitor on her own, but she showed just how brutal her brand of offense is when it needs to be - if Biff has the same resilience he used to have the tag division might need to be on notice!
submitted by Gameran to wrestlingisreddit [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 04:39 ineedabettertitle I'm a homicide detective. I am in way over my head.

I should start this by saying I'm not a detective anymore.
After the events at the warehouse, I was paged to visit my direct supervisor, Sgt. Langley. She was sitting behind a mahogany desk when I came in, gazing at some sort of file. She looked up at me. "What the hell was that, Jonathan?"
"We were underprepared, ma'am." I replied.
She glared at me from across the room. "We have a man missing, and a severe casualty! How underprepared were you? Did you not take any precautions at all?"
"With all due respect, you weren't there, ma'am." I said, upset. "Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw down there. How would you expect someone to perform at their peak, faced with . . . that."
She sighed and looked down at the file, eyes skimming over the words. "The brass is asking I let you go, for the moment."
"You can't seriously thi-" I began to say.
She held up a palm. "Look, the media is all over this. For everyone's sake, including you," she jabbed a finger at me, "it's best that you stay out of this for the time being."
I stared at her. She stared back, and raised an eyebrow. I considered my options, and begrudgingly decided to hand over my badge and gun. Langley smiled again. "Look. This will all blow over soon. Just take a rest for a while, hmm?"
I didn't respond.
I left her office. It was twelve, and I had nothing to do besides worry about all that was going on.. So I went home and slept. I was exhausted after the past few days, after all.
I awoke to my doorbell ringing. I was in that half-asleep state, so I covered my head with a pillow, hoping that whoever it was would go away. The doorbell rung again. I shifted position in my bed, and checked my watch. Four o'clock. I was more tired than I thought.
The doorbell rung again.
I slowly got up and made my way to the door, brushing the sleep from my eyes. The door opened to reveal a scruffy-haired, lanky teenage kid, who looked to be about eighteen. He nodded at me, while smiling politely.
"What do you want?" I said, not-so-politely.
"Uh, yeah. I'm meant to drive you to this place. I mean, that is if you want to go." He said.
I looked at him, trying to discern if he was serious or not. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
He shrugged. "I'm not really sure. Someone came up to me and offered five hundred bucks to ask you to come with me. But you don't have to come, either. I've been told to say the decision is up to you." A look of remembrance flashed across his face. "Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to give this to you as well."
He pulled a well-folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me. I opened it up, and read the words scrawled inside.
Heard you're out of work!
You should come join my zoo. We're always in need of more Zookeepers. :)
The boy peered at me from behind the paper. "So what is it then? Are you coming or not?"
I stared at him, blankly.
What do I say? How does whoever wrote this note know I lost my job anyways? It only just happened. This is obviously a trap anyways. The kid could even be on it. The last time I followed one of these notes, I lost a man, and almost got another killed. So what, then? Should I go or stay?
I looked back at the kid. "Yeah, I'm coming."
The kid drove with that careful rigidness that all first-year drivers seem to have. He drove for a while, slowly taking me out of town and into the rural back areas of my city. It took another thirty minutes of driving along long stretches of road the land becoming quieter and more desolate, before he pulled up onto a gravel pathway, which seemed to be the entrance of a much larger farm. I looked at the sign as he drove me in.
Winston's Family Orchard.
The gravel pathway diverted further up the track, and he took the right road. It ended up at what looked to be a farmhouse. There were lights on inside, and I heard the whir of machinery in the massive shed behind it. The kid stopped the car.
"This is your stop. Hope you have a great evening, sir." He cheerfully said, allowing me enough time to get out of the car before he drove back down the pathway.
I watched him until the headlights dipped below the horizon, before making my up the steps and onto the veranda. I could hear voices inside the house. Talking, laughing. It sounded like any house at dinnertime. Unsure of what to do, I knocked at the door.
The voices stopped.
I heard the soft pad of someone walking barefoot on hardwood towards me. The door opened. A man came out from behind it, he was of average height, cropped hair, and with three-day-stubble beginning to show. He stared at me with a faraway look in his eyes, before smiling, and gesturing for me to come in. "Glad you could make it! Dinner is just ready. Why don't you come join us?" His voice was deep and intoned, and familiar.
Very familiar.
"I . . . I know you." I said. More of an accusation than a fact. I thought back to the memories of the night I found my sister. The paramedic who passed me the note that started all of this. The paramedic who always seemed to be gazing of into the distance. No. No just gazing. Searching.
He tilted his head slightly. "Well, I'm happy to hear that! Makes acquaintances a bit more easier, then. Come on, you look hungry, let's eat!"
I didn't move. "I'm not going to fucking eat with you!" I yelled at him. "You killed my sister!"
He looked at me questioningly. "No. No. I didn't. I'm just a Keeper. You've got this all wrong. She-"
"I don't give a damn what you have to say!" I retorted.
"Hey, buddy. Let's calm down and talk this over a meal. I'm serious. Come and join us." And with that he walked back down the hallway. He turned left, into what I assumed was the dining room. I heard a couple of hushed voices, and scraping chairs. It seemed people were leaving.
I had two options. I could go in and find out what was going on. Or I could leave and forget about all of this. There was one problem, however. I would never be able to forget. The pain would never go away. The horrors of what I saw could not be forgotten.
I walked inside.
I entered the room I saw the paramedic go through. Inside there was a table, set like it was ready to feed a large family. There was a roast lamb in the middle, with a few cuts already sliced from it. Around it there was various side dishes and drinks. There was a man seated at the head of the table, directly opposite to where I was. It seemed everyone else had left.
The man spoke. His voice was rich and pronounced. "Isn't great that we can finally meet, Jonathan? I have so much that I would like to tell you."
". . . and who are you?" I asked.
He chuckled. "All in due time." He waved his hand at me. "Come. Sit. Eat. Anything you'd like. I do recommend the steamed asparagus, however. Bonnie really outdid herself there."
I remained standing.
He seemed unfazed, and continued to speak. "Now, I would like to remind you that you came here of your own accord, and you may leave whenever you feel like. We are not forcing you to stay here, but I so would enjoy your company." He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his stomach. "Now, before I start waffling on. Is there any questions you would like to ask? Any burning thing you would like to know?"
It didn't take me long to think of a question. "Why'd you do it? Why did you kill all these people?"
He paused for a moment, seemingly disappointed. "Straight to those questions, are we?" He sighed. "Look around at the world, what do you see? All I see is death. You, of all people should know that. People die all the time. Hundreds a second. Thousands a minute. So what does it matter that I take a few more lives? It's just a drop in the bucket of death."
He stood up. "And when people die, it's useless. Everything that they've ever done amounts to nothing in the void of eternity. But it's not just that. As a species, we are bringing ourselves closer to death every day. We cannot make the right choices. Ever. So, on behalf of all of us, I'm choosing."
I shook my head in disbelief. "Choosing what? You're just torturing people to the point of death! How is that supposed to solve anything?"
"Do you still not yet understand?" His voice rose. "I am saving us all! I am leading the charge in the evolution of our species! In due time, I will be revered all around the world, as the one person who saw what was right, and had the guts to do it!" He turned around to face me. "The first few deaths were unfortunate, yes. But they have helped the cause beyond anything you can dream of! I am so close to creating the perfect being. The savior of our species!" He looked at me, jabbing a finger in my direction. "And you will join me! Become a Keeper and embrace the new world!"
I was silent for a while. This guy is insane. I thought. Join him? Who the hell does he think he is? I'm leaving the first chance I get. But I had one more question I wanted to ask him.
"Why me? Out of all the people you could have chosen, why me?"
He smiled widely, and let out a low laugh. "All of these smarts, and yet you couldn't figure that out? I didn't choose you. Look at you, quivering in a corner. There are so many more suitable prospect then you." He said with a hint of disgust. "Now tell me, what makes you think I choose you?"
"I don't know! The notes. . .my sister. You just seemed to be interested in me." I said.
He chuckled again. "You really don't know, do you? Tell me, how often would your sister go for a walk at midnight?"
". . .I'm not sure. Never, I suppose."
"Then what was she doing that night?"
The question struck me as odd. I had never thought about what she was doing, only about how it happened. I could never figure it out. The only way it seemed possible for her to disappear, was if she had let it happen. But I ruled that one out early. She wouldn't just let herself get kidnapped, right?
Right?
The man arched an eyebrow at my silence. "You deserve the truth. Everyone does. Some people like to hide their secrets behind shadows and dark corners, praying they don't see the light of the day. I am not one of them. I strive to be open and honest in all that I do. I long for a world with no lies because there is nothing to lie about. Everyone is accepted. Everyone is valued. If you need proof, have I not told you my exact location twice now?"
"That's hardly fair. You shot at us the first time." I said.
"I did not shoot at you. You were just there. Look, I will explain to you everything. But first, I require something of you." He picked up a mug and started sipping at it. "Your loyalty. Tell me, Jonathan, will you join me?"
"You're out of your mind if you think I want any part of this." I said, resolutely.
A smile curled at the edge of his lips. "A pity." His eyes traveled down my body, seemingly gazing in everything. "Look at you, always slithering into situations you shouldn't have to be in. I think you'll make a fine snake."
I heard a shuffle behind me, and turned around just in time to see a metal bar being swung at my face. It connected with my forehead with a loud crack, sending me flying backwards onto the ground.
Pain.
That was the first thing I remember from when I woke up. Hot, searing pain, burning throughout my body and culminating in my forehead.
Pain.
A throbbing sensation that shook my body with every strangely-prominent beat of my heart, blurring my vision and deafening my eardrums.
Pain.
The metal floor was cold beneath me, drenched in my sweat. My arms were held down by some sort of shackle on each side, limiting my movement.
I was trapped.
With a killer.
I panicked. I thrashed my arms against the shackles, on the blind hope that I'd be able to free myself. The pain on my arm increased, and probably caused a bruise. I yelled out in pain, but discovered I was gagged with a piece of cloth.
"Struggling's just going to make it worse, you know." A voice said behind me. The man's voice from the dinner table. "Like I said before, you are free to leave whenever you wish. But since you won't give me your loyalty, I'll have to settle with something else." He walked around into my line of vision, holding what looked to be a saw. "I'll make this quick, but I have to warn you, I don't like using anesthetic. The body should feel pain. It's natural. How else would it learn to heal?"
He walked around to the other side of me, and turned on a camera that was held up on a tripod facing me. The lights blinked to signify that it was recording. He came back to me, and placed the teeth of the saw on my left arm, in the pit on the opposite side of the elbow. "Now, snakes don't have arms. So, I'll start with that."
I struggled against the binds again. Adrenaline coursed through my veins from the fear, with no way to use it. Panic was setting in, and the human body's core instinct is self-preservation. And I was doing the best I could to get away from this.
"Don't struggle, Jonathan. It just makes it take longer. It'll be over soon. I promise." He said, in a calm, steady voice.
And with that he pushed the saw downwards. My body screamed with pain, and my visioned blackened. I could feel blood seep out of the incision across the arm.
He continued to bring the saw downwards. Pushing it forwards and backwards, cutting through veins and arteries. I felt him hit bone. He continued to cut, I could feel the vibrations of my humerus being split in two.
I lost consciousness for the second time that evening.
When I came to my gag was gone. And my arm. The remaining stump was wrapped up in a torniquet and bandaged at the end. Everything still hurt, but much worse than before. Much, much worse. The man was still standing there, behind the camera. He seemed happy to see me awake.
"Had a good nap, then?" He walked over to where I was laying down, and held my remaining hand in his. "Everyone deserves a choice. Free will is what defines us. So I'm going to give you a choice. You could get up and leave right now, and work for me, or have your other other arm removed and your legs stitched together. It's completely up to you!"
Work for a madman. Or die to a madman. Self-preservation is stronger than dignity. "I. . .want to work for you." I said, struggling between breaths.
"Very good! Let's get you out of those binds shall we?" He plucked a key from his pocket and swiftly unlocked them, I tried to sit up, and promptly fell back down, my head spinning.
The man started to walk away. "Now, I'm going to begin your induction, you may feel free to leave or explore the house whenever you feel like. If you're hungry there's leftovers in the fridge. As I said, we're not trapping you here." He turned and smiled at me. "You're going to enjoy this, Jonathan. Toodles!"
He left the room, and went up a few stairs that I hadn't noticed before.. I took my time getting up, waiting until the earth stopped spinning under my feet. Walking felt strange without an arm, the weight was gone from there and I felt lopsided and unbalanced. I took in my surroundings. It was some sort of basement under the house, with different types of surgical equipment scattered around.
Besides that there was recording equipment scattered around and placed at various places. A few were still on, but most were turned off. There was a door to my left, and the staircase directly in front of me. There was a placard on the door with a single word on it.
Elephant.
I opened the door. It was dimly lit inside. The air smelled of musk and human waste. There was a small machine in the corner, lit up and whirring, with various cables hooked up to a large mound in the middle. The door slammed shut behind me.
The mound moved.
I took a step back out of fear. My focus shifted, and the horrible realization that I was looking at a person dawned on me. The person was extremely large, covered in layers of fat that rolled across their body. The person laboriously shuffled around to face me. The tubes from the machine connected into a mask that covered their mouth. The tubes continuously pumped a soft, gray liquid into the person's mouth.
I had only seen something like this once before, when looking for a murderer who was hiding in an abandoned mental hospital. A force-feeder.
On either side of the mask, the person had two large metal spikes coming out of each nostril, and back out the side of their head. Judging by the scars surrounding them, the spikes were drilled inside the cranium, until they eventually came out the other side, through the nose.
I shuddered at the thought.
The person slowly made their way forwards, shoving themselves against the floor. The person looked up at me, directly into my eyes. I saw the pleading in them. The humanity. Asking to be set free. And I saw something else, a flicker of recognition. Of understanding. I looked closer, past what I didn't want to see, past everything I didn't want to think about and I saw a friend.
I saw Thompson.
He was battered and beaten, and larger than he used to be. But it was still him. I rested on his shoulder and cried. Long and hard. This, more than anything broke me. Thompson didn't deserve this. No one does.
I glanced behind me, at the saw that cut off my arm. I stood up and grabbed it off the table, with my remaining hand. I brought it over to Thompson and held it over his face. His eyes grew misty, but he nodded, a slow and deliberate movement. He knew what it meant.
It was going to be hard to cut with only one available hand, so I opted for a large swing and used momentum to get the job done. A clean cut that severed his jugular and removed his life from his body.
I dropped the saw on the ground next to Thompson.
I made my way up the stairs and out of the front door. I had no shoes on, and the gravel road was tough under my feet. But I walked forwards. I was leaving, and nothing would stop me. The man had said so himself. And so I left.
But not forever.
I will be back.
For Thompson. For Alice.
I've got nothing left to lose and everything to gain.
x
submitted by ineedabettertitle to nosleep [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 03:21 DJSourNipples RW2 texture glitch after installing Skyland AIO

https://imgur.com/a/6uYNL3v
Some backgroud on my issue- Had this issue after installing the combination of Skyland (didnt choose RW2 option) and Northern Roads. Northern Roads had to be manually placed at the bottom for it to be working (mine wouldnt but this fixed it) according to the post on its mod page.
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16f Northern Roads - JK's Sinderion's Field Laboratory patch.esp 254 FE 170 Northern Roads - Grass Patch.esp Northern Roads - BDS Patch.esp 254 FE 171 Northern Roads - CC Saints and Seducers patch.esp
submitted by DJSourNipples to skyrimmods [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 02:31 LiquidTrounce Is there a way to encourage this hive to move out of the tree and into a manmade hive without moving the queen? Been contemplating starting apiculture on the farm for a while now and this hive has been on the property for years.

Is there a way to encourage this hive to move out of the tree and into a manmade hive without moving the queen? Been contemplating starting apiculture on the farm for a while now and this hive has been on the property for years. submitted by LiquidTrounce to bees [link] [comments]

2023.06.02 00:20 NotNiko15 [Demo] Modern Cosmic Horrors chapter 1

Modern Cosmic Horrors
Piotr Novack
Interstellar Terran Print, 2145
---
Chapter 1: Predator Dream
​
This story was made in collaboration with an arxur. Big thanks big guy.
​
Memory Transmission Subject: Vinro, Arxur Cattle Farmer
Date [Standardized Human Time]: May 2130
I have been having nightmares lately. It is an uncommon fact among Federation species that arxur can feel fear, and we want it to stay that way. We are not excused when having nightmares. We are expected to overcome them, however it’s much easier to run from it and wake up. It is in our best interest to be unnoticed and pretend to sleep. Waking up screaming is infantile and it’s greatly frowned upon.
These nightmares are unordinary. I’ve been dreaming the same nightmare for weeks. I am a preyed upon. Something unspoken is chasing me through the forest. The fear of being hunted is clawing on my mind, but not enough to wake up. I feel exhaustion in my dreams, but I always manage to pull through until the dreaming sleep phase ends, and I eventually wake up.
I work as a cattle farmer, I rear venlil cattle. Their meat is highly valued, especially scrag and shoulders, which are soft. Their legs are definitely stronger, but it’s nothing for our jaws, and there is more meat to harvest. I only feed them grass and leaves. If they ever wanted a fruit, they would have to work hard to earn it. They always fail though. I suppose the grass and leaves diet doesn’t give them enough energy to work efficiently, but my colleagues just marginalize it saying the prey is just too weak for our duties. I knew who was correct, they lack nutrients, but I wasn’t willing to provide it to them. I don’t care, and I can’t afford being ostracized.
As usual I had the same nightmare. I could have sworn they are worse with each day. It was suddenly interrupted as I was awoken in the dead of night by a noise coming from the pens. Keeping my nightmares in mind I can not say that I hold a grudge against the cattle for waking me up. I simply stood up and went to investigate the noise.
The night was rather cold and the stars were unobstructed by clouds and light pollution. The farm was surrounded by trees. When I entered the pen, I saw a prey laying on the ground, twitching in its dream. Its welfare was negligible, but a pitiful picture nonetheless. It mumbled audibly, without a doubt it was responsible for the sudden scream. I kicked it in the chest lightly with the intention of waking it up.
It suddenly opened its eyes and rested one of them on me. The sight of a hulking arxur was probably not as bad as its nightmare, because it stopped shuddering. Was it relieved to be still alive? I leaned over with dominance to emphasize my following command.
“Stop making noise.” I said with a bland but cold voice. I was good at imposing fear by being devoid of emotions, but even now, the prey did not freeze, but silently backed away a little. “Go back to sleep” I added, I paid no attention to its abnormal bravery.
“No! Please!” It bursted suddenly. “The nightmares will hunt me again!” The other cattle started waking up and a noise soon filled the air. It was the moment when I finally felt wrath. I kicked the culprit in its temple, knocking it out. The chatter soon went silent after that presentation.
Despite working at the cattle farm, I am not allowed to snack on the cattle. The amount of cattle must not change without being recorded. If the meat is harvested, we take records. If it’s punished by death, duly noted. If prey escapes, it must be found, dead or alive. If it dies from sickness, everyone must know. Snacking on cattle in the middle of the night is considered theft, even if I wanted to give an example to the remaining.
When I left the pen and was about to close it, I saw it twitching again. This time more erratic. It looked like a seizure. More noises started to fill the air. I sighed, picked up the prey and headed to the cold store. If it survives the seizure, the number of cattle won’t change. If not, at least the meat won’t start spoiling and it will be noted as natural death.
I opened the doors and a cool atmosphere started to escape the room. The red bulb lit up the room, there were chunks of meat hanging from the ceiling. I dropped the twitching prey on the ground and started observing it. It was slowly but surely crawling to the closest wall. Then it started climbing up, backed up against the wall until it stood up. It was then when I snapped out of the trance. The prey was supposed to be unconscious, yet it stood there, piercing me with its big, glassy eye. The red dot reflected in it. I decided to end this charade and took a step, when it launched towards the meat chunk and drowned its dull teeth in it. The venlil tried to tear a piece of meat, aiding with its tiny claws. When it finally managed to get a morsel, it gulped it entirely and faced me.
“Go back to sleep,” It said, in a fluent arxurian.
I recognized the venlil as a thread and bared my teeth in order to charge, but when it came to this, the venlil dived under my legs and ran straight to the pens. I hurried behind it and was met with a horrible sight. There were venlil killing each other, ripping their windpipes off. Some were shouting and crying. One of them came to me and started begging me for help and to release them from their disease. Predator disease, as they called it. On cue the predatory venlil pounced on the pleading prey and tore him apart. It was then, when I noticed the gate to pens was open and all venlil started to flee. The predators were focused on me this time, I could count at least ten. I thought I was dreaming. Was the unspoken oppressor the venlil all this time? Was the mare that hunted venlil changing them into predators? Will my mare turn me into a prey when I go to sleep? I was frozen. I did not care about the consequences of showing fear, I was overwhelmed by it. I started running deep into the forest. When I was exhausted from running, I collapsed by the tree and zoned out.
I woke up at dawn. I knew I was afraid in my dream, but I could not remember any details. My legs were hurting, like I’ve been walking all night. After resting and examining the surroundings I realized I was completely lost.
I was wandering through the forest, analyzing what happened last night. The venlil were dead, some of them. The rest probably fled. The carcasses will be harvested for meat that needs to be eaten quickly. Living cattle can be stored longer than harvested meat. If I return to the farm, not only will they take me for a lunatic, but I will be charged for wasting food and executed. By contrast, venlil who fled will be tracked and used for breeding to fill the shortage, no harm will be done to them for a long time. I will be hunted by my people.
And my dreams.
submitted by NotNiko15 to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 23:51 Ifeex June Events in Summerville!

Here is a list of events happening in Summerville for the month of June! Feel free to add additional events in the comments, and we'll add them to the main post for visibility.
​

Recurring Events:

Mondays:
6:30 - 8:30pm - Main Street Writes: Open Writers Group - Main Street Reads - FREE
7:00 - 9:00pm - Pub Trivia - Trolley Pub - FREE
Tuesdays:
5:30 - 6:30pm - Chess Club - Summerville Library - FREE
6:15pm - SpokeWorks MTB/Trail Ride - 10 miles - Sawmill Ridges - FREE
7pm - Music Trivia Night - Steel City Pizza - FREE
Wednesdays:
9:30 - 10:00am - Stories on the Square - Main Street Reads - FREE
10:30 - 11:00am - Baby & Me - Summerville Library - FREE
11:00 - 11:30 - StoryTots - Summerville Library - FREE
6:30 - 8:30pm - Music Bingo- Frothy Beard Off World - FREE
Fridays:
10:30 - 11:00am - Family Story Hour - Summerville Library - FREE
10:30 - 2:30pm - Problems Solved Friday Sewing Sessions - People, Places, & Quilts - $25
3:30 - 4:30pm - LEGO Club - Summerville Library - FREE
5:00 - 8:00om - Food Truck Friday - Carnes Crossroads
Saturdays:
8:00am - Coastal Cyclists CVS Road Ride - ~54 miles, 20-23mph - CVS @ Bacons Bridge - FREE
8:00-1:00pm - Summerville Farmer's Market - Downtown Summerville - FREE
8:00am - SpokeWorks Social Ride - 15 miles, 16-18 mph - SpokeWorks Bicycle Shop - FREE
8:00am - SpokeWorks Intermediate Ride - 25 miles, 16-21 mph - SpokeWorks Bicycle Shop - FREE
​
​

One Time Events:

Thursday, 6/1:
7:30pm - Flowertown Players presents: Curtains! - James Dean Theater - $30/adult, $25/student
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Friday, 6/2:
5:00 - 8:00pm - Sounds on the Square - Nexton Square - FREE
7:00pm - Standup Comedy with Dat Phan - Old Trolley Theater - $20
7:30pm - Flowertown Players presents: Curtains! - James Dean Theater - $30/adult, $25/student
9:00pm - Standup Comedy with Dat Phan - Old Trolley Theater - $20
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Saturday, 6/3:
9:30-1:00pm - Farmer's Market Slow Roll Bike Ride - Newington Plantation Pool - FREE
10:00-1:00pm - Hurricane Prep Expo - Ashley River Park - FREE
1:30-4:00pm - Interactive Movies: Encanto - Dorchester County Library - FREE
7:00pm - Standup Comedy with Dat Phan - Old Trolley Theater - $20
7:30pm - Flowertown Players presents: Curtains! - James Dean Theater - $30/adult, $25/student
9:00pm - Standup Comedy with Dat Phan - Old Trolley Theater - $20
​
Sunday, 6/4:
11:00-5:00pm - Knightsville General Store Vendor Event - Knightsville General Store - FREE
12:30-2:00pm - Lest We Forget Memorial Day Tribute - 105 Sumter Ave - $30
3:00pm - Flowertown Players presents: Curtains! - James Dean Theater - $30/adult, $25/student
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Monday, 6/5:
6:00-8:00pm - Women in Business Networking Group - Taco Boy - $20
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Tuesday, 6/6:
9:00-10:00am - SHE Leads Group - 126 E 2nd N Street - FREE
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Wednesday, 6/7:
11:00-12:00pm - A Revolutionary Soldier's Perspective - Faith Sellers Senior Center - FREE
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Friday, 6/9:
6:00-7:30pm - Farm Bingo with Goats - Flowertown Charm - $30/Adult, $15/Youth
7:30pm - Flowertown Youth presents: Little Women - James Dean Theater - $7
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Saturday, 6/10:
10:00-11:00am - Walk with a Doc - Gahagan Park - FREE
10:00-12:00pm - Special Care Nursery Reunion - Summerville Medical Center - FREE
10:00-12:00pm - Sketching on the Square - Hutchinson Square - FREE
10:00-4:00pm - In Our DNA: SC - Genetic Screening - Dorchester County Library - FREE
12:00-5:00pm - Blood Drive - Keller Williams Key - FREE
2:30pm - Flowertown Youth presents: Little Women - James Dean Theater - $7
7:30pm - Flowertown Youth presents: Little Women - James Dean Theater - $7
​
Sunday, 6/11:
2:30pm - Flowertown Youth presents: Little Women - James Dean Theater - $7
​
Monday, 6/12:
9:00am - Tree Protection Board Meeting - Council Chambers - FREE
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Tuesday, 6/13:
3:30-4:30pm - Little Lego Club - Dorchester County Library - FREE
5:00-7:00pm - Father's Day Craft Night - East Bay Deli - FREE
​
Wednesday, 6/14:
6:30-8:00pm - Tools for Caregiver's Telehealth - ZOOM - FREE
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Thursday, 6/15:
5:30-8:30pm - Third Thursday - Hutchinson Square - FREE
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Friday, 6/16:
7:00pm - Standup Comedy with Nick Hoff - Old Trolley Theater - $15
9:00pm - Standup Comedy with Nick Hoff - Old Trolley Theater - $15
​
Saturday, 6/17:
8:00am - The Longest Day 5k - 104 Greeting Hour Rd - $35
9:30-1:00pm - Farmer's Market Slow Roll Bike Ride - Newington Plantation Pool - FREE
1:30-2:30pm - Anime Club - Dorchester County Library - FREE
3:00-4:00pm - Teen Gamers - Dorchester County Library - FREE
​
Sunday, 6/18:
10:00-12:00pm - Dorchester Paws Adoption Event - Petco - FREE
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Monday, 6/19:
10:30-12:30pm - 3 Day Kid's Sewing Camp- People, Places & Quilts - $48
4:00pm - Planning Commission Meeting - Council Chambers - FREE
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Tuesday, 6/20:
5:30-9:00pm - World Refugee Day - Ashley River Park - FREE
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Wednesday, 6/21:
4:30 - 5:30 - Adulting for Teens - Dorchester County Library - FREE
6:30-8:00pm - Tools for Caregiver's Telehealth - ZOOM - FREE
​
Thursday, 6/22:
1:00-3:00pm - Genealogy Club - Dorchester County Library - FREE
5:30-7:00pm - Resume Writing Workshop - Dorchester County Library - FREE
​
Friday, 6/23:
7:00 - 10:00pm - Silent Disco Summer Tour- Hutchinson Square - $15/headset
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Saturday, 6/24:
10:00-4:00pm - 3rd Annual Lowcountry Peach Festival - Jedburg Junction - FREE
1:00-4:00pm - Craft Supply Swap - Dorchester County Library - FREE
3:00-5:00pm - Music in the Park - Brown Family Park - FREE
7:00pm - YMCA Comedy Night - Cane Bay YMCA - $20
7:00-10:00pm - Bad Manners at the Dinner Table - Flowertown Players - $20-30
​
Sunday, 6/25:
8:00-8:45 - TinyTykes Soccer Camp Week - Oakbrook Sports Complex - $120
9:00-11:00am - Highway Cleanup w/ SC Aquarium - Carolina Colors and Cuts - FREE
12:00-4:00pm - 3rd Annual Lowcountry Peach Festival - Jedburg Junction - FREE
2:00-4:00pm - Sunday Crafternoons - Dorchester County Library - FREE
​
Monday, 6/26:
4:00-5:30pm - Kid's Crafternoons: Origami - Dorchester County Library - FREE
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Tuesday, 6/27:
8:00-9:00am - Education and Workforce Division Meeting - Council Chambers - FREE
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Wednesday, 6/28:
6:30-8:00pm - Tools for Caregiver's Telehealth - ZOOM - FREE
​
Thursday, 6/29:
7:00-9:00pm - Clean Fun Comedy Show - Magical Memories Event Planning - $10-20
​
Friday, 6/30:
6:00pm - Summerville Dance Academy - Summerville PAC - FREE
submitted by Ifeex to summervillesc [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 23:03 jennay2k Is there mycelium or mold growing on my table?

Is there mycelium or mold growing on my table?
Oyster mushroom “farm” that I left out without cover. Just noticed this white “dust” on top of the box and on the table.
submitted by jennay2k to mycology [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 23:00 JackPembroke [SF] God Mode - A Litrpg Short Story

Inside the boundless expanse of Loria Online, Guspy the elven mage drained the last of his mana vaporizing a Vickerbite. It was his third hour of grinding this particular mob, and he was getting tired.
“What’s the drop rate on this thing again?” he asked Collins.
Collins cleaved another Vickerbite with his greataxe. “0.02% or something. Getting bored?”
Guspy was indeed getting bored. Despite their grotesque appearance (they looked like flying crocodile heads with mosquito feet), Vickerbites were pushovers.
“Yeah, I might only have a few minutes’ more patience for this.”
Collins slammed his axe into the ground, causing a shockwave that killed another three. “That’s ok, we’ve been playing for a while. It just kind of feels like wasted time if we quit now, though.”
“Are you getting close to leveling?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither.”
A Vickerbite burst when he swatted it with his staff. A loot bag dropped onto the rust colored dirt.
Probably another Vicker Tongue or leg or something, Guspy thought. He almost didn’t bother to check. But when he did, he found what he and Collins had been seeking for so long.
“I got it! The belt dropped!”
“Thank God, let’s get out of here,” Collins said, regrouping with the mage he protected.
Guspy read the item description for The Belt of Endurance.
The Belt of Endurance Slot: Belt Rarity: Very Rare Earth Resistance: %%0 Air Resistance: %%0 Fire Resistance: %%0 Water Resistance: %%0 Physical Resistance: %%0 Magic Resistance: %%0 Debuff Resistance: %%0
“What the hell?” Guspy said.
“What’s wrong? Is it the wrong belt?” Collins casually swatted two final Vickerbites.
“The stats are glitched or something. It’s supposed to be 5% resistance to everything, right?”
“The BoE? Yeah, 5% resist all. Is it not?”
“It shows ‘percent percent zero’.”
Collins shrugged. “Put it on, see what happens.”
Guspy equipped the belt and checked his character’s stats. “Ha, that’s so weird. All of my resistances show backslash, open parenthesis, ‘N’, close parenthesis.”
Collins used the Warrior’s Assessment ability on Guspy. “Huh. When I analyze you, I see hashtag ‘null’.”
“That’s either really good or really bad,” said Guspy.
Collins raised his sword and struck Guspy on the shoulder.
Collins attacks you for 0 damage
“There are safer ways to check!” Guspy said.
“It didn’t hurt you, weird. Mind if I use a little Fire Fan scroll on you?” Collins asked with a toothy grin.
“You have one? Aren’t you a little over leveled for that?” Fire Fan produced a tiny cone of flame that did very little damage.
“I’m a hoarder. So, can I?” Collins wiggled the scroll between his fingers.
Guspy agreed.
Collins casts Fire Fan for 0 fire damage
“Guspy, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think that belt makes you invincible,” said Collins.
Guspy began to bounce up and down in excitement. “Oh man, think of the possibilities! I can solo raid a guild hall. The Nighthawks deserve that kind of ass whupping,” he said, referring their rival guild in Loria. “Or I can loot an end-game dungeon! We’re not far from The Death Pit.”
Collins looked into Guspy’s eyes and gave him the smile a parent gives a child when they ask where rainbows end.
“Oh, you asshole!” said Guspy.
“I think you should turn it in,” said Collins.
“Why?! Why would I do that?! The Nighthawks have been bullying us for months now. With this, I could walk right in their guild hall, wipe them out, and tear the whole thing down. They wouldn’t be able to stop me! You can’t tell me they don’t deserve it.”
“Not saying they don’t,” said Collins.
Guspy pressed, “I can farm The Death Pit for Soulflayers. Everyone in our guild could have a Soulflayer, even the newbies. They’d finally be tough enough to join us on raids. You know how they’ve been dying to play with us in high level zones. Think how happy they would be!”
“Oh, they’d be awfully happy,” said Collins.
Guspy unleashed his coup de grace. “And! I can go to Fort Murder, stroll through it without a care in the world, kill the general, and not have to split the loot with anyone. That means I would get a Headsman’s Axe, which I would of course donate to my dear friend Collins. Wouldn’t you like a Headsman’s Axe?”
“I absolutely would,” said Collins.
“Ok, good. So, I’ll just—"
“Turn it in, Guspy,” said Collins.
Guspy stamped his feet in frustration. “Why though? You just said you were on board with the Nighthawks and the Soulflayer and the axe!”
“Oh, I am. The Nighthawks need to get taught. Having the newbies be tough enough to join us would be great. I’ve been dying for a Headsman for months now. But you’d be cheating. Momma didn’t raise no cheater, and daddy didn’t raise no troll,” said Collins.
“That’s so backward. You know the Nighthawks would do that to us if they got it,” said Guspy.
“Sure enough. But we can’t control what they do, and I can’t control what you do. I just want you to remember what I’ve said before: there’s a person on the other end of that character. A person just like you. I can only imagine how tilted you’d get if someone cheated to become invincible and killed you. Or farmed their whole guild ultra-rares and used them on you. I’m just asking you, as a friend, to turn it in. Please.”
Guilt. He’s put the guilt in me, thought Guspy. What an asshole.
“Fine, I’ll head to Pokate and turn it in,” said Guspy, pouting and kicking an errant stone.
“Thanks, Gusp. I promise I’ll help you find a legit one. I gotta go, though. Play later?”
“You know it,” said Guspy, and he watched Collin’s avatar dissipate.
Guspy walked back to Pokate City, the largest player hub in the area. The journey was a particularly hazardous one. Wild beast attacks, an assassin, a rockslide, even an errant fireball from an ongoing battle, all harmless in the face of his perfect resistance. He crossed into the city proper, whitewashed buildings that held little shops and extra dimensional guildhalls. Pokate Palace loomed over all of this like a resplendent sundial. The stained-glass windows shimmered in the sunlight.
Guspy approached a beggar in the street. The beggar’s body was gaunt. His dirty rags and matted beard spoke of hungry days and cruel nights. The beggars of Loria Online were portals to moderator attention. Speaking to a beggar cued a request. A moderator would eventually take control of the beggar and offer assistance.
Guspy knelt before the beggar.
“I’d like to speak with a moderator, please.”
“All in good time, my boy,” the beggar wheezed.
Guspy felt an itch in his legs. There was still time to run wild, to reap the rewards of his lottery ticket. He cursed Collins for guilting him and attempted to distract himself. Guspy admired the features on the beggar. His eyes traced cavernous wrinkled flesh. Saw the tiny movements of lice in the filthy thick beard. Saw the faintest deposits of salt in two long tracks leading down from the cloudy blue eyes.
The beggar had been crying. Why would they include such a heartbreaking detail? Why haven’t I ever noticed this before? Guspy thought.
The clouds in the beggar’s eyes parted, revealing a bright blue sky. “Thank you for waiting, this is Raymond. How can I help you?” A voice as crisp as autumn wind now spoke through the beggar.
“Uhh, hi. I’ve got a problem with an item I found?” Guspy spoke at the mouth of the beggar.
“Sure thing! Is it an item you have equipped right now?”
“Yeah, The Belt of Endurance. The values look wonky, and It makes me immune to every element. I’m immune to physical and magic damage now too.”
There was a long pause, the beggar’s eye fluttered. “You’re reporting that an item is broken in your favor?”
Guspy winced. “Umm, yes sir? It basically makes me immortal.”
Guspy waited patiently. The moderator was using his tools to see Guspy’s menu screens, something that was normally private.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” the beggar said. “It’s a null shunt error.”
“A null shunt error?”
“Yeah. Sometimes during a drop-roll, the system shunts over a clipped value that…sometimes it breaks.”
“Ah.”
“They’re a bitch to fix. Thankfully very rare. This one is particularly bad, and I’m at the end of my shift.” The mod let out a sigh that prophesized an exhausting tedious future.
“Well…thank you for your honesty! Usually when an item glitches in a player’s favor, they keep it a secret for as long as they can. Then they have a temper tantrum when we take it away. Alright, Guspy, I’m on morning shift tomorrow. I don’t want to deal with this right now. I’m giving you eight hours of god mode. Can I trust you not to make me regret it?”
Guspy was stunned. A mod was allowing immortality for eight hours? Trusting him? Why?
“You can trust me,” Guspy said.
“I hope so. I’ll fix this in the morning, don’t take the belt off or you’ll have negative infinite resistance and die from a sunburn.” The beggar’s eyes clouded back over.
Guspy threw a gold piece into the beggar’s bowl, a good luck ritual that even the highest level raiders did before a dangerous run.
He was in the clear. A mod had okayed him having god mode. Anything I do is the mod’s fault now! Guspy thought, but the thought gave him a queasy feeling the moment it passed through his mind. He was being trusted. He had promised to not make the mod regret it.
What was the mod’s name? Randy? He remembered Collins's words about there being real people on the other end of the game. He supposed that meant Randy too. He imagined telling someone to their face that his actions were their fault, like trust somehow absolved him of responsibility. He imagined someone else doing that to him. Or doing that to his little sister…
He spent a fair amount of gold on fast travel scrolls, valuable, single-use items that would transport the player anywhere in Loria. Guspy now stood on the craggy lip of Salamander’s Eye. The massive active volcano dominated the primordial jungle landscape. A vast column of ebony smoke rose from the lava pit, the birthplace of thunderclouds. Guspy spread his arms wide and fell into the heat, letting simulated gravity carry him downward to the roiling floor of liquid earth.
At the last moment he reflexively raised his hands to shield himself. Lava was instant death in Loria, doing an infinite amount of damage per second. Guspy was now sinking slowly in this most dangerous of elements unharmed. He raised his hand in a thumbs up as he sank beneath the surface.
Whorls of incandescent crimson, brown, and orange materialized and dispersed endlessly. It was like looking into the fickle furnace of creation, so eager to invent but too chaotic to design.
Guspy wondered if he’d fall forever. At last, his feet settled on something solid. He was the first player to set foot here. A unique accomplishment, one he could keep. He moved through the lava as though it was water. Must not have been a very important thing to program considering you die as soon as you touch it, he thought.
Guspy explored the floor of the volcano. It was perfectly smooth and without texture, an entire volcano held up on a pane of glass. But then he found something. A deformity in the bottom of the world. He explored it with his hand. It felt like a solid bubble sticking up out of the flat plane beneath him. It moved a little.
It’s a doorknob! Guspy realized. He turned it and felt it fall away beneath him. He sank further and dropped into a vast open room, the lava didn’t follow past the entry. Guspy cast a series of Light spells, banishing the darkness to the black obsidian of the walls and floor.
A giant floating sign that hung suspended in midair grabbed Guspy’s attention.
“IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HERE.”
“Shows what you know, sign,” Guspy said, and began to explore.
In the secret chamber Guspy found dozens of monster models from the surrounding area, frozen in the sterile T-position. He took the time inspect them in the minutest detail. He saw the way salamander skin glittered with the luster of countless ruby gemstones. He watched the dancing flames of fire elementals, and discovered their heat rose above the limitation of their hitbox. He looked deep into the eyes of a stone golem and saw that they were prisms. They split the blue glow of the golem’s magical core into a frigid winter sunset, whites and blues dancing and concealing a secret whisper of deep red.
I don’t think I ever really looked at the models before, he thought. Even now he couldn’t recall any specific details of any monster he had fought. They were all colored blurs in his mind, faceless values and blocks of information.
Despite his immortality, he still froze in fear when his spell illuminated a colossus of steel tucked away in a corner of the room. It was a broad suit of cold iron armor, bereft of adornment and pockmarked with the careless ministrations of a thousand hammers beating the metal into shape. In one clenched fist it carried a wicked looking cleaver, one that belonged in a giant’s butcher shop, used to crack the toughest dragon bones and partition the choicest bits.
Guspy had never seen or heard of this creature in his life.
You must not have made it into the final game. At least not yet, thought Guspy. Despite its beastly ugliness, Guspy felt a pang of remorse. Someone worked to design every aspect of this monstrosity to evoke the feelings of fear and disgust, and they had been very successful. But it had gone unused and unseen since the game’s inception.
I remember the Christmas ornament I made in middle school. A Christmas light made to look like a reindeer, googly eyes and fuzzy brown pipe cleaners for antlers. I was so proud. But when Christmas came, they didn’t want to put it on the tree. They thought it looked too silly.
Guspy left a gold coin at its feet, alms for unsung effort.
He was preparing to depart when he noticed an unadorned chest had appeared beneath the presumptive sign. Guspy was certain it hadn’t been there before. He approached, circling the chest, before reaching out and lightly tapping it. He may invulnerable, but this was a developer’s world. Who knows what treachery could hide here? He lifted the lid, tilting his head and peeking at its contents with one eye shut. Inside was a billiard sized ball of translucent glass. Guspy recognized a Title Sphere. These rare items would grant a moniker to the character’s name. It was a single use item worth tens of thousands of gold. Too curious to resist learning what it would bestow, he shattered the sphere in his palm. Red dust flowed between his fingers like Martian sand. His name had changed from Guspy to Guspy the Wanderer.
Guspy used his next scroll and teleported to the shipwreck of the Soothsayers Doom. A brig suspended above the ocean on a monstrous coral bed, the ship itself was a mid-level dungeon. Players could fight their way from deck to deck, battling undead crewmen that fired grapeshot salvos into crowded rooms, shredding players into bloody clouds. The Captain was the boss of the dungeon, and part of his loot was a map that would send players on a quest line that eventually led players to the halls of the merfolk king, an extremely high-level dungeon at the bottom of the ocean.
Being immortal, Guspy took what players called the ‘express route’, swimming directly downward from the open sea. It was suicide. Besides suffocation, players had to contend with titanic carcharodons, giant squid, invisible water elementals, and elite merfolk guard. These creatures had mastery of the terrain, and few players were accustomed to attacks that could come from any direction.
Beneath him, the phosphorescent glow of the Coral Castle overpowered the distant sun for dominion of the depths. Guspy slipped into a castle window, ignoring the tridents of the pursuing Knights of Pearl. The Castle was a dungeon that needed to be completed quickly, lest the player’s water breathing magic wear off. That made it the perfect sight-seeing location for someone who didn’t need to breathe. Guspy examined the meticulously decorated royal bedrooms. The books in Loria were filled with open source stories from the real world. Players spent hours in this fantasy world engrossed in the prose of Tom Sawyer and Paradise Lost. But yellowed letters fell from between the pages like autumn leaves.
Never whole without you, my beloved Jennifer,
B.C.
Guspy didn’t know the merfolk princess even had a name. Neither had he any idea who B.C was, or if these pages were part of some fetch quest he had never come across.
Deeper in the palace he found the throne room of the merfolk king. The king was gigantic, of course, all raid bosses were. The king was also an enemy that demanded constant focus and attention to defeat. He cycled seamlessly through attack patterns, buffs, and stage activations. Missing the tell-tale signs would leave you a step behind the dance and doomed to failure.
Guspy now had a unique opportunity. He ignored the king completely. The throne room was heaped with chests of gold and artifacts plundered from sunken ships. But they were only decorative, ersatz décor designed to regale the room with the trappings of wealth and luxury. Being worthless, players ignored them. Guspy took the time to closely inspect the mountains of coins and bejeweled quillions that rose from the coin piles. Ignoring the world-shaking bolts of lightning, magical rays, and great sweeps of the merfolk king’s trident, he crouched to the level of a single coin.
There, in the face of the coin, were three smiling children. The normal relief of Empress Aubrianna, a mythical figure in Origin’s history, was replaced with a picture of a family. The normal Latin phrase, “A solis ortu usque ad occasum”, had been replaced with, “Jason, Melody, Brock”. He moved from one coin to the next. Families, pets, and selfies looked back at him. Some had names written, others messages, “Thx Mel, my rock <3” “Joe & Cara 4 eva” “We did it!”
Guspy wondered if any player had ever seen these. Maybe, but he hadn’t, and that made it special to him. He wondered what he would put on his own coin. Me, Collins, and Becca at the beach, he thought. A picture that had been his desktop background for years. The only evidence of a perfect day.
Having taken his fill of the throne room, Guspy pulled out another scroll and teleported away.
Hogglerock dungeon was an aberration. Most dungeons tried to evoke a sense of awe or fear, but Hogglerock was just gross. Its entrance was at the center of a mud-smothered swamp. Poisonous insects and carnivorous slugs roamed the wastes searching for carrion to strip or making their own if none could be found.
To descend into the putrid depths of Hogglerock, you entered the mouth of a great saurian beast. It was long since dead, its flesh in a perpetual state of decay. Down its mucus-caked throat, you entered a dungeon that had been created from the offal that remained of its digestive system. Noxious acid pools, monstrous parasites, and bloated scavengers challenged players that came to plunder the carcass.
Guspy had to stop and think before entering the sixth stomach of the beast. He had no idea if his plan would work, or even made sense. Guspy removed all his armor and weapons, save for the Belt of Endurance. He entered the dungeon’s final room, aggroing a great bipedal minotaur and its bovine kin. Guspy sat and crossed his legs. He closed his eyes and focused on slowing his breath and his heart. Aggro in Loria was based on a series of factors: proximity, source of damage or debuff, equipment levels, class, movement, and supposedly even biometric data the VR rig was able to obtain.
The monsters were instantly aggroed when the rubbery sphincter of the sixth stomach was touched, converging on their only target. Guspy’s lack of equipment, aggression, and stillness would reduce his aggro over time. He waited and he watched. In time the monsters lost interest, ceasing their attacks and wandering back to their starting positions. Guspy continued to watch. For a time, they only bobbed in place, replaying idle animations and howling blistering war cries. But, in time, Guspy saw a strange behavior begin. One smaller minotaur creature pulled out a hunk of meat, clutching it by the pure white protruding bone. It chomped a piece and munched in contentment, eyes closed in blissful indulgence. The giant boss minotaur began to sniff the air, and a game of keep away began. The smaller minotaurs tossed the meat between themselves as the boss zeroed in on the source of the smell.
Who is this for? wondered Guspy. Who was meant to see this? And how? Why hide it? How many monsters of Loria Online had these little secrets? Tiny moments of humor buried in terabytes of code, only visible in a state of extreme passivity. Once the capering script had completed, the bovines returned to their normal places and continued to cycle basic idle motions.
It’s for me. Since I’m the one watching it, that means it’s for me, thought Guspy.
Guspy pulled out his final scroll, completing the spell just before he was beset again.
Guspy the Wanderer appeared back in Pokate City. His new title drew lingering looks from other players who searched their memories. Guspy’s time was running low, and fatigue massaged his mind and eyes. There was more he could search for. He could run down the hours until the mod logged back on and set things to rights. But he didn’t want the last moments of such an enlightening day to be a race against the clock. It would spoil the sense of calm and contemplation he had cultivated. Instead he sat down next to a beggar and composed a message to Collins.
“I won’t be joining you today, Collins, but I’ve got so much to tell you about when I do.”
He had seen beyond the veil. He witnessed tiny miracles of creation hidden from mortal sight. Sparks of love that flickered once more when observed. For a precious few hours, he was blessed with a peace that allowed him to fall in love with the game all over again, to appreciate its creation like a benevolent god.
Collins and Guspy returned to the red rock canyon. Guspy admired the visible strata of the walls. Simulated eons left perfect layers of color stacked like the pages of a book. Little details, so insignificant yet so engrossing. He appreciated the work that went into this game. The efforts of artists always caught his notice.
submitted by JackPembroke to shortstories [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 22:43 Bank_Upset This tree farm is five years in the making

This tree farm is five years in the making submitted by Bank_Upset to ClashOfClans [link] [comments]