How to make balloon mosaic templates

Hey everyone,
I was wondering how you think those two performances are engineered ? Do you think it's just some kind of stereo microphones on top of the camera?
Ex1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mXd6URFqd8
Ex2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5RSQaF0I2o
I'm having trouble to believe thats it as i doesn't seem like the sound follows the cameras mouvement if that makes sense?
How are the guitar and vocals always so clean and clear ?
Thank you for anyone that has some idea of how this engineering was done !

Please give me advice 27F making a decision about my relationship with 37M I grew up in a very conservative and strict home and got married through an arrangement at age 23. I had only known my husband for 5 months before the wedding and got pregnant and had a baby 9 months after. It’s been nearly 4 years of marriage but I’m unhappy I used to blame my in-laws for our differences because they have a big negative influence on him and after a couple months of marriage they grew to dislike me because I didn’t want to be the obedient daughter in law and live with them anymore. We have lived alone for about 2 years however things haven’t been that much better. Our issues consist of him wanting to spend more time with his family than with our daughter and I. My husband also doesn’t give me much of his time, attention or make any effort to plan things unless i suggest them. I feel as if I’m just the classic housewife but nothing more I’ve communicated my wants and needs multiple times and he tells me he will try to change and I’ve seen changes but it never lasts. He changes for a period of time then goes back to how he was, we constantly argue and we are generally not happy with each other even on special occasions such as birthdays. I’m currently at my family’s home and I’ve said I’m tired of being disappointed every time by him and want a divorce. However to be completely honest I’m scared, I know that I’m not happy with him but I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to regret it. No one is perfect and I wouldn’t know what deal breakers are as I’ve only been in a relationship with him. I was considering of living together for my daughters sake ( because even if she sees him in the day when I put her to sleep at night and it’s just her and I, she cries for him and it breaks my heart). Im so confused because his a good person provides for our family and a good dad however not a good husband because I feel he doesn’t love me or care for me even though he says that’s not true. I have another concern he doesn’t know how to express him self or communicate his feelings when I question him about it he’s not sure why. I thought about the possibility of him actually have difficulties with understanding emotions (I don’t know if this is important but he has a family member that has low level of autism) because when we argue he says it’s not an argument and in general he doesn’t communicate much and doesn’t know how to start a conversation it will take maybe 20 minutes or I have to start it. He’s socially awkward and doesn’t know how to deal with certain situations and even says hurtful things then says I didn’t mean them or I don’t know why I said that after I explain why I’m hurt. I’ve suggested marriage counselling before however he wasn’t too keen on going. He told me that he will change and won’t make me feel neglected and hurt again but he’s told me that so many times before that I just don’t believe him. What do people do in these situations? Any advice would be appreciated Thank you.

Hey, we are a small family business so we don't exactly have an accounting department to consult. We have an accountant that consults for taxes but that's about it.
​
We recently let an employee go because they were costing us more than they were making us. we gave him his final paycheck but it was a relatively small amount since he didn't finish out the pay period. He ended up giving it back to us because he didn't want it? How am I supposed to account for that? just void it and call it square? Hang on to it? Submit it to the state for unclaimed property? I have no clue and don't want to find us in a situation where he tries to say "they refused to give me my paycheck" even though we did and he refused it.

Yayy
So I've ben at the siege grind since my last post here and I've made some actual progress. It isn't much, but progress is progress. Instead of dying in 2 secondsi can actually fend for myself now! I still die....alot. but i've had some clutch moments here and there.
I also got some people for free, loke lion and Ela. I mever use Ela but lion is my go to attacker. And i bought maestro.
I'm not without questions however, so thats what this is about.
-So how good is Maestro's evil eye? It seems remarkably bad, slow opening up, extremely low damage output, stationary, easy to see, easy to avoid. Frankly the eye seems like its extremely bad and dare i say almost useless. Almost. But i could be wrong so i ask for ya'lls take on the matter. -how good is the games balance? It seems pretty bad -how to fight a clash? That shield is indestructible and makes it impossible to escape without being gunmed down. Its annoying as shit. -I'd like general tips on the game, tips that might help me in the future i you've got any. Like whats a rotation? What does something like "kegs" mean?
That wil be all

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For starters one thing I am almost 100% sure on is Fabio does not win the season. Fabio and Benry were already shown in the edit to be the 2 main boot candidates, something they would be at Final 7 skipped 2 by the twin boots, as well. Fabio either has to win 6 immunities in a row to make the end, or he has to win 5 in a row if Benry is booted over him like at the actual Final 7. Not happening IMO. And that is the main reason I go along with the consensus of him being one of the worst winners, and not the arguments of him being clueless, needing 3 immunities at the end, all which good defenses have already been done for by others.
It might be a Naonka, Sash, Purple Kelly Final 3, which I have no idea who would win. A lot of people talk up Naonka and Kelly as jury threats, but it seems revionist history by a lot of people since they feel bad they got bad edits since they quit. Sash was already a 0 vote finalist and seemed like a goat, although some of that was the stupid car deal he made in desperation after his 2 closest allies both had quit. Chase, Holly, Jane were a trio loosely aligned with this other trio, so no idea how that plays out. I could easily see those 3 overriding Sash and taking him out, and either those being the Final 3 or some combination of the 5 of those 3, Kelly, Naonka.
Then Dan is a free agent, as he was in real life. He has a better chance of being used usefully by someone than he was in the actual time line though.

I'm flying later this year from Paris to Tel Aviv and had enough Skymiles to reserve a t ticket on Air France for 50k miles + $130 via the Delta web site.
However I just found out that the identical flights require only 30k miles if booked through Air France. I have a Flying Blue account on AF but with zero miles.
Some searching indicated that it was supposedly possible to reserve a flight on a Skyteam partner such as AF using the partner's award redemption level, but I haven't found out how to actually do it.
Is this something that used to be possible but was recently taken away? Or is it still possible and if so how do you actually do it?
I'm still within the 24 hour cancellation period so I could cancel the Delta reservation and then make a reservation with AF, if this is doable.

Lately I’ve been wondering about Jesse, my best friend.
’m not so sure he is my best friend anymore – although technically we still are. But I don’t feel like I know him any more.
We’re at our old hangout, the park. It’s dark and deserted now. Jesse’s dark slim form seems to blur in with the darkness, as he lounges against the fence watching me. I can feel his eyes burning into me.
I try to grasp how had it come to this? Just a few short months ago we had been inseparable, doing stuff together, hanging out, sharing jokes and escapades and whatnot. And music. Rock music to be exact. Listening to our fave bands, messing around on cheap guitars, trying to lure in anyone who had access to a drumkit, making up songs and dreaming of making it big. Not that we were fanatical about it or anything, it was just fun.
But that changed when we met Tony Ridge one night at a local gig. Tony’s a roadie and he knows all the local bands but even more than that, he’s totally immersed in the whole history of rock, I mean, the most obscure corners of rock history –unheard-of bands, unsuspected genres, and all. As I say, that one night he got talking to us about all that stuff and it proved fatal. That is to say, his enthusiasm for woefully-neglected rock music geniuses rubbed off on me – and not on Jesse. Not one bit on Jesse. He didn’t take much part in the conversation and I thought at the time he was just too busy listening, but maybe I should’ve taken the trouble to actually notice his expression.
The first intimation I had that our friendship was no longer perfect was when we were leaving the gig. ‘Dude, was that fucking boring or what,’ Jesse remarked.
‘What was fucking boring?’
‘That Tony guy! Who gives a fuck about all that shit?’
I stopped to stare at him, and he looked back over his shoulder at me. ‘What?’ he demanded.
Well, like I said, that night proved fatal for me. I started researching all manner of obscure bands as much as I could, rhapsodizing about all these sadly-neglected musical geniuses down the ages and disdaining any band who’d had even a whiff of commercial success as irredeemable sellouts. Looking back I can see that I was over-the-top about it but I thought that my best friend might’ve been a little more accommodating. The way I saw it I was just trying to do him a good turn, get him to look outside the mainstream, expand his musical horizons and all.
‘Shut up Mike’, he would say as soon as I got going on my favourite subject, and soon started adding some more choice epithets as well.
‘I’m just trying to educate you dude,’ I would reply – rather unwisely, I can see that now.
‘I don’t want to be fucking educated.’
I should have left it at that, but the trouble was I was pretty much a zealot at that time and Jesse was my obvious and only target, as I really didn’t have any other friends who were into rock. Soon he started avoiding me.
I got plenty of unsolicited advice from other people on the subject of our friendship, the gist of which was, ‘Wind your neck in or you’re gonna drive him away altogether.’ Even my mom, who I thought hadn’t cared over-much for Jesse anyway chipped in on the subject. Some also pointed out that friendships can run their natural course. But for some reason I couldn’t let it go. I don’t know what demon had gotten into me. Well partly it was Tony’s fault. I still talked to him at gigs – I had taken to going on my own – and he advised me that Jesse might come round in time.
Next thing was Tony turned up missing. No-one seemed to know what might have become of him. Incidentally this was after one night at a gig when Jesse had been seen hanging around as well, though he didn’t want to be seen with me. That was just a few days ago.
Tony’s still missing.
​
So it finally has come to this. A meeting at the park, one of our favorite haunts in the old days. I’d asked him to come and meet me here to try for a reconciliation. Also, my fervour had worn off and I really missed the old days of us messing around and not taking anything seriously, not even music. I should’ve known better – about trying to reconcile I mean. Like my former religious zeal, it’s obvious from the outset that Jesse is having none of it.
‘I’m done man,’ he says. ‘You pretty much literally bored me to death. Do you think I’d want to risk that happening again, with whatever stupid fucking crazy shit you decide to take up next?’
‘That’s harsh,’ I say. ‘It was only music. Don’t take it to extremes.’
‘You just wouldn’t leave me alone.’ He seems fixated on that idea.
‘It’s all over, seriously,’ I plead. ‘I’m sorry man.’
‘Yea, so’m I. And I bet Tony was pretty sorry too -‘
‘Tony? Tony Ridge?’
‘Yea. He started it all.’
That turns me cold. ‘Shit man, what the fuck have you done –‘
He smiles. ‘Nothing to what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna do you a good turn.’
No doubt I should’ve been high-tailing it out of there at that point but I remain watching him, in a way hypnotised, and certainly curious to know just what he means.
‘You remember what you said? You were just trying to do me a good turn.’
‘So?’ My voice is almost shaking but I still go on standing there.
‘So I’m just gonna return the favour. You remember what else you said?’
I couldn’t.
‘All those stupid obscure bands and their stupid fucking obscure songs. You said once that you wanted a playlist of them at your funeral and not the usual obvious mainstream crap that most people go for. In fact, you said that was what you wished for more than anything else.’
My mouth drops open.
He smiles again. ‘I’ll make sure you get your wish.’
Surely he’s just joking? But then I see the knife in his hand. Too late. A dull feeling like a gut-punch, then the sensation of something warm and sticky. Blood, no doubt.
He’s already gone.
I’m wishing something else devoutly right now – that I hadn’t helped to turn my best friend into a psychopath.

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 53%. (I'm a bot)

ANKARA, May 30 - Turkey called on NATO hopeful Sweden on Tuesday to prosecute those responsible for projecting the flag of an outlawed group onto the parliament building in Stockholm, on the day of Turkish elections that extended President Tayyip Erdogan's rule.
The warning could raise the stakes ahead of a mid-July NATO summit at which some alliance members are urging Turkey to back Sweden's membership bid, after a year of delays over concerns that Stockholm must do more to take on militant groups.
The incident took place after Erdogan won a mandate in runoff elections to carry on his muscular foreign policy in which Turkey objected to both Sweden's and Finland's bids to join NATO last year in the face of Russia's invasion of Ukraine.
Altun said he hoped Sweden would properly enforce a new anti-terror law taking effect on 1 June, and prevent PKK members from demonstrating at a protest against Sweden's NATO membership called by the solidarity committee for June 4.
Ahmet Berat Conkar, former chair of parliament's Foreign Affairs Committee and head of Turkey's delegation at the NATO Parliamentary Assembly, said that Turkey expects more engagement from Sweden on how their terrorism laws are being implemented.
"These factors will be important in our parliament's decision on Swedish membership. But on a positive note, as you see in Finland's case, Turkey is open to NATO enlargement and we will apply the same standard to Sweden as well," he said in an interview.

Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: Sweden^#1 NATO^#2 Turkey^#3 building^#4 projected^#5
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Hello everyone, this is a secondary account, for obvious reasons.
I (35HLM) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (35LLF) for over 8 years. Apart from the first period of the relationship, we have never had sex very much, on average 1 or 2 times a week, sometimes more, but it has always been satisfying and intense between us, it has never been a problem.
We have been living together for about 5 years but since 2020, coinciding with the pandemic, our sex life has almost completely stopped. I can count at most 4/5 times we have had sex in 3 years, the last time in August 2022.
The thing that confuses me is that I know I am the cause of my own DB, and I don't understand how I can get out of this situation. Let me explain, premising again that I know perfectly well that I am the one to blame in this situation.
With the pandemic we both started working 100% from home, stopped exercising, going out and keeping fit, and we both gained quite more than a bit of weight. Realising this situation, we visited a nutritionist to regain our normal shape.
She is a very petite girl who has always had a slim figure, with a few curves, but in general has never been fat. I have always played sports from a young age, and have always been fit.
The point of the matter is that in a few months, also thanks to sport, I got back into shape, losing about 15kg (becoming even more fit than I was before the pandemic).
She, on the other hand, should have lost 10kg, but after starting a healthy diet and after the first results (she had already lost almost 5kg!) she abandoned the diet, and indeed she gained a few more kilos than she had before starting the diet.
Honestly, my problem is that I can no longer look at her with the same eyes as before, I can't be sexually attracted to her. I can't help drawing comparisons with the girl I met and saw in the photos some time ago.
She in my opinion notices this and suffer this situation too, but because of her way of being she never takes the initiative so she doesn't initiate something sexual and I in the last few months since I can't get the urge I literally avoid her from that point of view and I feel bad and guilty about it.
The point is that we are good together, we don't have any other issue, we love each other and I suffer for this situation because I feel I am hurting her and not loving her as I should. It's gotten to the point where I almost don't masturbate anymore, I don't even have that urge. From HLM I am becoming LLM.
To get out of this situation for a few months now I have been trying to invite her, gently and without obsessing, to get involved and do sport, and to eat better. I have invited her to come and work out with me, to go out together to move around, but nothing. And one thing that also makes me kinda angry: she complains all the time about being overweight, about the clothes that no longer fit her, but she does nothing.
She does nothing to change the situation. She does nothing to take charge of her life and get back to her old self.
I am stuck in this situation, and I blame myself for this.

Anyone know how much a difference in % cadence would make going from 175mm to 165mm?
I heard a lot of info about how smaller cranks were great for hip impingement and stuff and while that's good honestly I am half tempted to get some smaller arms just to take the piss at this point. I tend to run 175mms and on the occasion I do go on a group ride they seem bemused when we decide to go anywhere into tempo and my cadence starts hitting triple digits. Especially hills.
I am wondering how many points faster you would expect to spin at the same effort with such a change in arm length. I am probably going to get a new bike after my tax returns in 1-2 months time since my current one is steel and gravel and generally I think I have reached the bikes limit since It's like ultra fucking slammed to the max and will probably get a new crankset since I want 52-36 cranks and a crank based PM on that bike as well so the change in arm lengths would be free anyway, so long as I can find em in stock.
Also would there be any downside to running smaller cranks at all? If the natural tendency is to spin faster with the same effort, much in the same way cleats do It would just increase your top speed? Only downside I can see is a reduced power stroke length.

I have been with this man for a year and I talked to him about wanting a future and living together, he agreed and we see each other every week to even at work. This week he ended up going to a cousins graduation dinner and I took vacation to spend time with my family, he got back late and I didn’t get to talk to him but I understood. I was told and he told me his mom asked if I was coming and I wanted to go, however he told me their was not enough room in his moms car and they were all riding together. I was like okay even though my boyfriend has a car and I was willing to spend the night with him to go but I understand. I was like okay I’ll go to the wedding reception your going to and he didn’t say anything that week, now he’s saying I’m not going.
I say why I have a modest outfit and especially since it’s a really Christian event since that side of the family is religious (his mom and sister aren’t) . He ended up giving me a bunch of excuses under the sun to then murmuring something’s I couldn’t make out. I pry him more about the graduation and he tells me more and what he told me just made me even more worried. I figure out the graduation was also his grandma’s birthday and I feel fucking horrible because the woman lost a husband this year and said she’s looking forward to meeting me. Now I look like a irresponsible disrespectful flakey 21 year old in their eyes, I made sure to build a good relationship with his mom and his sister. He says they ask if I’m coming and shoos them off saying I’m working answering for me when he’s not letting me go. I asked since we have nothing to do Wednesday we should go to his grandmas since she asked to meet me, he said no he saw her already.
I feel like he’s hiding something fishy or he’s just ashamed of me, before we got together he told my friend he didn’t want to date me because of my age he felt weird about it. I felt gutted and if that’s the case in the situation I can’t believe how wishy washy he is, I want a future with this man. After everything I been through relationship wise I feel so confident in are relationship. But I know he has cousins who are older and have kids and he was the baby of the family and his younger cousin is 4 years younger then me. He was worried about people’s perception before so I don’t know how his extended family would react to me since he never let me met them. I don’t know if he’s never messed around with people who know his family because he doesn’t like talking about people he hooked up with. I’m crying because I want to be apart of this man’s life and I’m trying I feel like he’s just pushing me away, I feel like I have to pull teeth sometimes to just talk about his emotions. I think I might have to give us a break if it is about the age because I don’t deserve this, especially when the argument is out the window when we get intimate or affectionate.

We've had a few dustups in the 8 months we've been together, and one of them was last night. The things that are consistent between the ones that go really sideways.

• she will go into this very slow-roll monologue mode and if i interrupt it she gets upset or don't pick up on the fact that she's got a destination with her conversation.
  
• she becomes cold, quiet and very prickly in demeanor if there's any indication of a disagreement
  
• She will do and/or say things that she honestly seems to not remember doing five minutes later. This makes a lot of things hard to take seriously because it just seems like she's not operating on the same plane of reality.
  
• She doesn't really listen to what I'm saying, it's more like she's reading from a script of 'what bad guys do' and projecting that on me.
  

I'm no angel and have learned that these things are triggering an anger response in me and I tend to start to bully the conversation when I feel like we're in the realm of nonsense. I'm certainly not looking for anyone to take sides, I just need help understanding how some of our conversations get so completely sideways so quickly. It just occurred to me that this could be what's happening and would explain quite a bit. I clearly need to find a more compassionate way to adapt to her conversational style and while I wouldn't suggest this to her it might give me a model to work with.

I am trying to navigate my way around this dilemma of deciding how to organise my notes. Pointers below will explain my situation (M22):

1. I have done a pre-medical bachelors degree about (2 years ago)
2. This year I was shortlisted to sit for an entrance exam for a post-grad med school (4 years)
3. I did not use my notes from my bachelors to study for it, rather used a basic medical textbook and did review question on each system (year 1 to 2/3 knowledge)
4. I passed and received an offer letter to start in about a month.

Therefore, as of now I don't have a set collection of notes (apart from what I made during my bachelors - that too wasnt made well) . My uncle who has been a clinical lecturer, has advised me to do some basic revision on each system and revise basic examinations for them (OSPEs). Which I agree with and want to get started on quickly.
Now I have a few questions:

1. Should I make generic years 1 to 3 notes just to have a solid foundation for when i start the actual content? (because there is an expectation that as post-grad student we have some basic knowledge and I kind of doubt that about myself)
2. If I do so, how should I organise the notes - use generic online material and organise them by each system or is there some other way? The uni I am going to utilise a PBL approach, so I am doubting the "system based" notes.
3. Am I just overthinking this stuff and just wait for the uni to start? lol

tldr: going to postgrad med school, want to know how to make notes as I dont have any notes from my bachelors. Looking for organisation tips and experiences.

Hi all...
I was just diagnosed with PCOS this past month. The experience getting diagnosed was terrible and lacked empathy on so many levels. But I've always known my hormones were not normal so it didn't come as a huge shock.
My doctor started me on progesterone treatment. The kind where you cycle and only take it 10 days a month. I have felt absolutely terrible the past 10 days and I don't know how I'm going to take this. I can't exercise, all I want to do is lie in bed, I can't focus on work, I have an extreme headache and cramping, can't stop crying and being irritable. And then I have a painful ovulation period when it does happen ane feel terrible during that time too. So that leaves me with maybe a week a month where I actually feel normal? So I'm supposed to go through life feeling like crap because of hormones every single day?
I am not overweight. I exercise religiously and almost always have. I eat extremely healthy. I just feel hopeless. If there were obvious changes I could make, I would. But it feels like this is it. This will be my life and I just have to deal with it.

I’ve seen some of you mention you have done Karate throughout your pregnancies. I had been wanting to start karate for so long and had finally started two weeks ago after finding out I was unexpectedly (but happily) pregnant at 41 years old. My five year old is also training and has been for over a year. I’m about 8 weeks now and the nausea is really hitting me. I ended up skipping my last class as I was extremely uncomfortable but prior to that I was pushing through. For those who continued through pregnancy: did you push through or did you take a little time off for that first trimester “morning sickness”? Prior to this pregnancy I did have a miscarriage and I know my age and weight can be considered a risk. I’m stubborn and want to keep going but I’m also not sure if I should or just give it a couple of weeks and rest for now. Unfortunately I can’t get into a doctor for another month at least to discuss it. My sensei is aware. He was one of the first we told just for safety sake and he’s very careful with me making sure I feel ok and making sure during training that I don’t get hit in the belly, etc. He does work at a hospital so I also feel pretty safe. Anyway, the whole point is I don’t want to give up but I also want to know how to handle this part. I have two living children and I know this is temporary. I will say it’s the worst “Morning sickness” I’ve had but I imagine my age is probably part of it. So.. Do I wait a little bit through this part or do I try and suck it up?

In the lead up to the election I saw a lot of complaining about how Alberta is now a "two party" government. But let me assure you it's better than the one party government we used to have.
2015 was the first competitive election we had since 1971. And between 1971 to 2015, the conservatives only dipped below 61 seats twice. That's 11 elections where no other party even had a chance.
Yesterday, the NDP won 15 more seats than last election. With, 44%, or 11% more of the vote. They even won 4% more of the vote than when they took government in 2015. They won more than double the vote the liberals and the ndp got in 2012 combined at 20%. The ndp and Notley have been successful in swaying a lot of voters.
Winning a majority this election was always a long shot. They didn't get that, but they still made significant gains. And they only lost winning the majority by a few thousand votes in Calgary and other competitive ridings.
If Smith makes it 4 years to the next election, there will be 4 years worth of changing demographics from old set in their ways conservative voters to new young left leaning voters. The old adage of voters getting more conservative as they grow up no longer seems to apply especially to millennials and gen z who vote further left with almost every election in North America, even as they age. And if Smith does half of what she's said she wants to, that will be the best advertising for a more stable government and the ndp there can be.
If you want change in 2027, start working to get out the vote. Show everyone how close this election was. Show them what the ANDP are actually campaigning for rather than the talking points from the other side of woke kill the oil. Keep track of the damage the UCP do over the coming years. Work to encourage the new voters who will be old enough to vote in the next 4 years and the young voters who didn't vote this year. As the biggest requirement and hurdle to exploiting young voters is getting the turnout.
This two party system we find ourselves in is far better than the absolute one party of the last 4 decades. And for the last ten years there's been a steady flow of voters to the center and the NDP and away from the UCP. If we keep that momentum up there's a good chance for 2027.

Copy-Pasting what I wrote on an int'l subreddit a while ago, didn't knew that we had a subreddit.
I live in a country [India] where the only real upwards mobility, or hell just not starving is a pretty big achievement in and of itself is only possible by having good grades. It is extremely uncommon to kick your children out here, not because of love but because of the "standing" of a family in the society, to leave your house is to be disrespectful to your parents for not being their slaves for the rest of your life.
My parents ("arranged" marriage) shout all the time, and even when they shout/fight for just a single hour a day, I am unable to focus on my studies for the entirety of the day and because of it I am on the verge of failing my college as I can't afford to live in a dormitory. Jobs for people in India after Grade 12 are virtually non-existent and incredibly low paying to the point that you would be lucky if you could manage to sleep on the footpath, if you could get one that is and also somehow all of them require 2 years of experience. The rates of NEET men and women are incredibly high here, they only survive because people live in joint families. One benefit of living with my parents is that I often convince my mother secretly to get me medicines for my asthma. And she keeps on insisting on frauds like Homeopathy and Ayurveda; because of those two I am here in the first place.
The only way I *might* get a job is after having a degree but then again I don't go to a good college and my course is not particularly prestigious. I am not allowed to stay in the college after 5 PM as I don't live in a dormitory. But I just can't study and that terrifies me, hell, my parents just might kick me out if I am unable to pass.
And in India, there is no such thing as social security, NEETbux, Safety Nets, Therapy (which is exclusively for the Upper Middle Class and Rich People), Community Housing, Jobs sponsored by the government, nothing of sorts. I would literally have to live in a slum, and I don't think I would ever be able to work without my asthma medicines.
I dream everyday of a good brother like friend (maybe I am trying to find a loving and caring father in someone else) who can help me by allowing me to stay in his house for a while, show me how the world works, and help me become an independent man.
Or maybe a girlfriend who can keep me as a Househusband of sorts, but that's a luxury for very small minority of men. Oh and don't get me wrong, I don't blame women at all, I understand that I have nothing to offer them in personality, looks, money, stability, etc. I haven't proven myself to be a man enough. I am a loser in their eyes, and I agree with women, I wouldn't choose myself either. But the truth is, I need help, every sort of help from emotional to financial to physical. I have never been loved by anyone and since my parents never let me leave my house, I was never able to make deeper friendships.
With that being said, I do need some sort of help, and if the current trend continues, I will never be able to study, I will have to endure this forever or I'll be homeless. I have a real fear of dying at this point.
It just makes me really sad, that my parents were so abusive and my father even resorted to physically assault me several times when I was a kid, I still haven't recovered from that. Not to mention that majority of Indians don't give a shit when it comes to mental health. And I find it tough to let my views out on this sub as people here are generally from the first world and oftentimes I am unable to explain to the first worlders how much life truly sucks in the third world.
God, I daydream all day long, even when I am doing other tasks about someone saving me. Maybe some sort of god, alien, a brother, a girl, whomever. And yet no help is coming. But the though of being save comforts me so much, I am never quite able to fully realise how truly delusional I am. But yeah, the only that can save me now is external help, either from the government or from stranger but then again I am not the responsibility for another adult.
It's just so tiring to live in a family where parents are shouting all the time, it's like I am constantly stressed and hyper-vigilant waiting for the next explosion to go off. Not to mention that I am stressed literally all the time, and end up weeping like a weak man I am every two days.
Apologies for crappy English, and thank you for reading if you made it this far.

It makes everything seem pointless and dull. It feels like nothing I do matters. But at the same time, it is more intellectually satisfying than believing in God, for me, personally. I have nothing against religious people at all, nor do I claim that my path is more valid than theirs, but being an atheist is very sad and lonely.
I did believe in god, because of my upbringing (not super religious), but gradually lost faith due to personal setbacks, as well as growing up, and discovering how much evil and unfairness there is in the world. Religious strife and warfare was not a factor in my turning atheist, my reasons were more intellectual and philosophical. Not only did I find no proof of God, but the religious explanations for proof of God in the face of so much evil/unfairness fudged the definition of God to that point that God may not exist at all.
Anyway, this is primarily for other atheists. How do you find joy and meaning in life?