Hey everyone,
I'm a 25-year-old guy who recently got married to my 22-year-old wife after enduring a long-distance relationship for two years. Our relationship was going great, and we both decided to take the leap and tie the knot. However, things haven't been easy since then, especially with my wife's lack of understanding.
When we made the decision to get married, her parents weren't accepting of me. Nevertheless, my wife was determined to marry me, and I felt the same way. Unfortunately, her father disowned her and gave us an ultimatum to get married by December last year or else he would forcefully marry her off to someone else.
This sudden pressure disrupted our plans of establishing ourselves and building stable lives before marriage. Last September, my life took a turn for the worse when my father abandoned us, sold our house, and my mother, siblings, and I were forced to return to our home country and live with my maternal family. We lost everything within a week, and the pressure has been crushing me ever since. I had to put my studies on hold, and my father never taught us any practical skills for earning a living. He always sheltered us and assured us that we wouldn't have to work at all.
Considering the imminent deadline and the circumstances, I shared the entire situation with my future wife. Her response was simply, "As long as we get married, I'll manage. Just get me out of this house." It would have been easy for me to walk away and move on, but I took responsibility and brought her to my home as my wife. However, it hasn't been easy.
My wife is extremely argumentative, and I find myself giving in to avoid the stress, knowing that I'm homeless, unemployed, and responsible for my mother, two siblings, and her. I managed to find an online copywriting job, thanks to my wife's connection, but the income is barely enough to make ends meet. She believes I should spend some of the money on myself and her, while I argue that I have five mouths to feed and should prioritize their needs. Unfortunately, this disagreement often turns into an argument until she gets her way.
Her university semester is ending soon, and I find myself responsible for paying her fees for the month, as she spent the money her dad gave her for that purpose. I feel obligated to cover her expenses since she left her family to marry me, and she never fails to remind me of that fact. However, in the past week, she hasn't been managing her time well. Whenever I suggest doing something together, she complains that it's always about watching a movie or finds an excuse to be busy with other things. Yet, I've noticed that she spends a significant amount of time browsing TikToks or watching her own movies late at night.
Feeling frustrated, I expressed my concerns last night, telling her that if she doesn't make time for our relationship, I won't be available when she is. I've invested a lot into this relationship, and her lack of concern has left me feeling depressed and immobilized. Since then, she hasn't spoken to me and seems content talking to her friends over the phone, laughing and going about her own business, while I sit on the couch, consumed by sadness. It feels like she doesn't care at all.
I'm sharing this here to vent my feelings and seek advice. Has anyone else experienced a rushed marriage after a challenging long-distance relationship? How did you cope with the pressure and differences in understanding? Any suggestions on how to communicate effectively and find a balance between our needs and responsibilities would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for listening.

So i met this girl like 8 or 9 months ago shortly after I decided I was gonna kill myself if I wasn't well on my way to living my dreams by a certain date.. I put a reminder in my calendar and everything, and suddenly my mindset changed, and instead of continuing my spiral through bags and bags of drugs and seasons of star trek i've seen a million times, I started looking for people to make music with, and I found her. We instantly became really close.. she came over just to meet and jam, and ended up staying until 3:30 in the morning, and then she slept over the next time she came and we cuddled and I felt happy in my special place and she was giving me signals, but I didn't wanna mess up the sister vibe because I really really needed her in my life and :/ sexy relationships tend to blow out, but sisters are forever, right? so we kinda just stayed friends since then..
well..
so.. we have a million things in common, and we were besties for a long time.. but she's all poly and sexy and stuff, and i'm more shy and just cuddle i guess cuz i'm scared, or.. idk.. we met another really cool girl at a halloween party and then she introduced me to another two girls at new years eve party, and we've all been friends this whole year.. a few weeks ago the five of us moved into this big house together, and lots of sexy stuff and kinky stuff and sexy kinky stuff happens in this gay ass house, but i'm not really a part of it.. i walk by and girls stop playing and get flustered and giggle..
a few mornings ago, i was in her room.. we stayed up all night and watched the sun rise and then smoked DMT together.. the world dissolved into glowing diamond latticework and buzzing vibrating sensations and dreams of other places.. people i used to know.. me and her, all happy and stuff.. and then things began to come back into focus, and.. as I regained awareness of my body, i realized i was wrapped in her arms, and she said she loved me.. and that's not out of the ordinary, she tells me that every day, but this time I started sobbing.. she said she would always be there for me, and i said i would do anything for her, and she held me tighter, and I cried some more.. it felt perfect. she's perfect, and i'm perfect, and we're perfect together, and i don't ever wanna not be in her arms, and i kinda started seeing us in a different way? i knew I was special to her.. somehow, hitting that dmt and losing track of everything for a minute.. when I realized where I was again, I could see it more clearly, or from a different perspective or something, and suddenly I was confused about why i had never kissed her before.. and so I did.. she was reeeaally happy about it. and we kissed for a while and i kept crying, and then we went downstairs because i had to go do like a 14 hour day finishing up the move (last day of lease at previous house) and she kissed me again, and then when i got back i was too tired, and.. then today I saw her a few times, and we kissed a few times, and.. i also walked in on her with our other roommate, and they were giggling and doing sexy stuff and.. i've been so nervous.. It's kinda like.. so i guess while i was sleeping, she had a really hard time emotionally, and i wasn't there and i felt like i let her down.. or like..
i feel like nothing happened, or i don't know what happened? and it's sad cuz i thought the biggest best thing ever happened, but maybe it didn't? or..
maybe it's cuz i had to run off and save the security deposit and then didn't see her.. but idk.. when i finally found myself back in her room a few hours ago, she was all tired and nauseous from various drugs and.. we hung out and we were awkward and we kissed a few times and did some other stuff, and lots of i love yous ilyilyily but..
i guess what's bothering me is that the happiness, that crazy happiness after i kissed her that first time and she said she wanted to do that since she met me (i knew that.. was obvious)
.. i haven't seen that since.. it's like i started a flame and then had to go do stuff, and it went out while i was gone :( and .. we cuddled a bit, but she was tired and then she felt nauseous... she actually threw up and apologized and i was like nooo don't you dare be sorry i love youuu and i changed her sheets and cleaned up and stuff while she took a shower and then she asked me to come cuddle when she got back, so i did, but she was kinda somewhere else.. and so I let her sleep.. and
i've been so nervous around her.. I don't know how to be all kissy and titty licking and stuff or what else to do.. do I go down on her? i just want us to be happy to have each other, and i want to be special to her, and :(
I wanna see her smile like when i kissed her after DMT again.. but idk how. i don't even know how to behave
TLDR: we've been friends for most of a year, and she was always into me but i was too scared and prudey to do nothing, but we were always super special to each other and relate deeply, and then we smoked DMT wednesday morning and i realized i wanted to be even more super special to her and i also wanted to kiss her so i did that and she was insanely happy, but then i had to go and didn't see her for a day and when i got back i didn't know how to behave around her or what to do and she didn't seem insanely happy anymore and i'm kinda scared and sad what do i do internet wizards pls halp ty

原始佛教「五蘊」其實是指「一切外在與內在的虛假訊息的接收方式」Original Buddhism’s “Five Aggregates” actually refer to “the ways of receiving all external and internal false information”

​
對佛教有少許認識的朋友相信對摩訶般若波羅密多心經 the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita並不陌生，在心經中的第一句：
Friends who have some knowledge of Buddhism are likely familiar with the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita. In the first sentence of the Heart Sutra, it says:

觀自在菩薩，行深般若波羅密多時，照見五蘊皆空，渡一切苦厄。 摩訶般若波羅密多心經 the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita

這句話用原始佛教的概念的解析是：
The original meaning from a primitive buddhism perspective:
覺知和平等心的禪修可使人超脫並到達彼岸。並當在般若智慧深入到某一個階段時，可以達到色、受、想、行、識皆停止運作的狀態，並可以超脫於所有痛苦和煩惱。
Meditation on mindfulness and equanimity can lead people to transcendence and reach the other shore. When prajna wisdom reaches a certain stage, it can achieve a state where the functions of form, sensation, perception, mental formations, and consciousness all cease, and one can transcend all suffering and afflictions.
在這裡的「五蘊」其實是照應著心經這句：
The “five aggregates” within actually correspond to the sentence in the Heart Sutra which says:

依般若波羅密多故，心無罣礙。 摩訶般若波羅密多心經 the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita

這句說話原意是指「通過修行般若智慧的方法，心再沒有任何阻礙。」
The original meaning of this sentence is “Through the practice of the method of Prajna wisdom, the mind no longer has any obstacles.”
所以我們的「心」會因為「五蘊」而被阻礙。其實「五蘊」原意是指「我們受困於身體制造給我們自己的空相訊息」。
So our “mind” is obstructed by the “five aggregates.” In fact, the original meaning of the “five aggregates” refers to our being trapped in the empty appearances that the body creates for us.
以下有一些日常生活作為例子去說明「五蘊」如何影響我們，如何令我們「心」有所礙，顯意識失去控制。
Here are some examples from daily life to explain how the “five aggregates” affect us, how they hinder our “mind”, and how they cause our consciousness to lose control:

色蘊（Form）－眼、耳、鼻、舌、身的訊息供應Pāli रूप (rūpa)－ Sensory information from the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and body

我們從人體所提供給我們的感觀無時無刻都會在外界吸收大量訊息，例如「視覺」、「聽覺」、「味覺」、「嗅覺」與「觸覺」。這些訊息也會作為一種內在的刺激而引起潛意識對顯意識產生「依附」。人體一切的感官接收的訊息其實是外界對人體的刺激，我們並不知道其本質但又因為「色蘊」對外界產生執著。
We absorb a large amount of information from the external world through the senses provided by the human body, such as “sight”, “hearing”, “taste”, “smell”, and “touch”. These pieces of information can also serve as internal stimuli, causing the subconscious to become ‘attached’ to the consciousness. All sensory information received by the human body is actually external stimuli, and we do not know their nature, but due to the “form aggregate”, we develop an attachment to the external world.
「相由心生」其實出自佛教用語，所謂的「相」是指所有一切你認為客觀存在的事物，都是由「心」所生，和一個人的外在沒有任何關係。我們人體有很多感官可以令我們透過視覺、聽覺、觸覺、味覺、嗅覺等去感知一種事物不同的面向，在原始佛教中認為，一切經由我們在意識下的感官所感知到的一切事物，其實只是我們創造出給自己的刺激。例如我們感知到一朵花的顏色其實是經由光線折射到我們的視網膜反映出來，客觀並不存在所謂的顏色。而聲音只是經由空氣的震動傳到我們的耳朵內的聽覺感知元件，客觀並不存在所謂的聲音。味覺與嗅覺只是我們人體的感知機制讓我們聞和吃到不同的味道，客觀並不存在所謂的味道。以上種種人體感知功能如果換作另一種動物，更可能有另一種因為不同物種之間感知功能的差異導致對客觀事物有不同的體會。
“Appearance arises from the mind” actually comes from Buddhist terminology. The so-called “Xiang(Appearance)” refers to all things you consider to exist objectively, which are all born from the “mind” and have nothing to do with a person’s external appearance. Our human body has many senses that allow us to perceive different aspects of a thing through vision, hearing, touch, taste, smell, etc. In primitive Buddhism, it is believed that everything perceived by our senses under consciousness is actually only a stimulation we create for ourselves. For example, the color we perceive from a flower is actually reflected by the light refracted onto our retina. There is no objective existence of color. Sound is only perceived through the auditory sensing component in our ears by the vibration of air, and there is no objective existence of sound. Taste and smell are just our sensory mechanisms that allow us to smell and taste different flavors, and there is no objective existence of taste. All of these human sensory functions, if applied to another animal, may lead to different perceptions of objective things due to differences in sensory functions between different species.
例子一：一名陌生男士在路上遇見一名陌生女士。
Example 1: A stranger meets a woman on the street.
例子二：艾倫在家裡看見蟑螂
Example 2: Alan sees a cockroach at home.

受蘊（feeling)－個人內在感受Pāli वेदना (vedanā)－ Personal internal sensations

從「色蘊」得到外在訊息後會產生內在感受。例如覺得有「好感」、產生情慾、覺得恐懼、嘔心討厭等等。
After receiving external information through the “form aggregate”, we generate internal sensations. For example, we may feel “attraction”, experience desire, and feel fear, or disgust.
例子一：陌生男士因為透過視覺或者嗅覺等等感官刺激產生對陌生女士的「莫名好感」。
Example 1: The stranger develops an inexplicable “liking” for the woman due to sensory stimulation such as visual or olfactory cues.
例子二：艾倫因為因為透過視覺或者觸覺等等感官刺激對蟑螂的恐懼、嘔心討厭等等感覺。 Example 2: Alan experiences fear, disgust, and other negative emotions toward cockroaches due to sensory stimulation such as visual or tactile cues.

想蘊（perceptions）－想像，慨念Pāli सञ्ञा (saññā)－ Imagination and concepts

因在「受蘊」引起的內在刺激下引起進一步的想像，不能自拔。
Due to the internal stimuli caused by the “feeling aggregate”, the individual’s imagination is further aroused, and they become unable to extricate themselves from their thoughts.
例子一：陌生男士開始對該陌生女士產生幻想，例如性幻想、幻想與陌生女士有進一步的接觸、幻想和期待下一次的邂逅。
Example 1: The stranger begins to have fantasies about the woman, such as sexual fantasies, fantasies of further contact with her, and fantasies of the next encounter.
例子二：艾倫開始幻想蟑螂會爬上他的身體，或者在晚上睡覺時進入他的口和耳。
Example 2: Alan begins to imagine that cockroaches will crawl on their body or enter their mouth and ears while they sleep at night.

行蘊（Activity)－意識引起的外在行為Pāli सङ्खार (saṅkhāra)－ external behavior caused by consciousness

受到「受蘊」和「想蘊」的影響，身體開始被潛意識操控引起肉體一系列的行為。
Influenced by the “feeling aggregate” and the ‘perception aggregate”, the body begins to be controlled by the subconscious, leading to a series of physical behaviors.
例子一：開始接近陌生女士並提出希望與其交換聯絡方法。更甚會對該女人作出性騷擾，甚至強姦。
Example 1: The stranger begins to approach the woman and proposes to exchange contact information. In more extreme cases, they may sexually harass or even rape the woman.
例子二：艾倫如果感受到恐懼、嘔心討厭等情緒，會馬上逃離現場，更甚或會暈到。如果是感受到嘔心討厭或會不斷蟑螂作出攻擊性行為。
Example 2: If Alan feels fear, disgust, or other negative emotions, they may immediately flee from the scene or even faint. If they feel disgusted, they may exhibit defensive or aggressive behavior towards the cockroach.

識蘊－潛意識對我們的影響，例如本能、過去的經歷以及因生活經驗形成的性格等等Pāli विञ्ञाण (viññāṇa)－ The influence of the subconscious on us, such as instincts, past experiences, and the formation of our personality based on life experiences.

並不是所有外在和內在訊息都能引起潛意識依附，潛意識依附的條件與我們的本能、過去的經歷以及所形成的性格等等有關。潛意識包含著大量訊息，在日常生活中潛意識會在我們不知情的情況下紀錄各種外在和內在訊息。我們無時無刻都會受到潛意識的影響，觸發起潛意識的某種感覺記憶和動物性本能就會引起潛意識對顯意識的「依附」，但當中的因果關係非常隱閉、複雜並不可思議，我們很難在沒有對自己意識的觀察下知道自己念頭和情緒慾望的起因。當「依附」開始時潛意識會產生大量念頭，顯意識不知不覺被這些念頭所影響，當顯意識投入到念頭當中就會進一步產生慾望和情緒。
Not all external and internal information can trigger subconscious attachment. The conditions for subconscious attachment are related to our instincts, past experiences, and the formation of our personality. The subconscious contains a large amount of information, and in daily life, the subconscious records various external and internal information without our knowledge. We are constantly influenced by the subconscious, and when a certain feeling memory or animal instinct is triggered, it will cause the subconscious to become ‘attached’ to the consciousness. However, the causal relationship between them is very hidden, complex, and unimaginable, and it is difficult for us to know the cause of our thoughts and emotional desires without observing our own consciousness. When attachment begins, the subconscious produces a large number of thoughts, and the consciousness is unconsciously influenced by these thoughts. When the consciousness is immersed in these thoughts, it will further generate desires and emotions.
例子一：一個人的美醜本無一個客觀標準，都是主觀感受。但陌生男士可能因其過去的經歷或者在小時候對母親的依戀，自行發展和定義出對「美」的主觀標準，所以才會對陌生女士產生情緒和慾望。
Example 1: Beauty and ugliness have no objective standards and are all subjective feelings. However, the stranger may have developed and defined his own subjective standards for ‘beauty’ based on his past experiences or attachment to his mother in childhood, which is why he has emotions and desires towards the woman.
例子二：艾倫可能童年對蟑螂的外觀或體型的厭惡反應太強烈，或基於某種與蟑螂有關的原因所產生的恐懼，所以才會如此恐懼蟑螂。
Example 2: Alan may have had a strong aversion to the appearance or size of cockroaches in childhood, or developed a fear based on some association with cockroaches, leading to their fear of cockroaches now.

最後 Finally

很多人非常沉迷神秘主義，將心經最後的咒語視為修行至寶。但其實心經的第一句就已經總結了原始佛教修行的核心。就是透過內觀冥想修行般若智慧可以「覺有情，渡眾生」，在心裡認知和明白我們所受到的任何外在與內在的對顯意識的剌激都是虛假，並在內觀冥想中理解和體會這些現象是虛假後，可以解脫於一切痛苦。
Many people are deeply addicted to mysticism and view the mantra at the end of the Heart Sutra as a treasure for spiritual practice. However, the first sentence of the Heart Sutra has already summarized the core of original Buddhist practice. Through introspective meditation, Prajna wisdom can be attained, which enables us to “perceive the existence of all sentient beings and liberate them from suffering.” By recognizing and understanding in our hearts that any external or internal stimuli we receive, which affect our consciousness, are all false, and by comprehending these phenomena as false in introspective meditation, we can be liberated from all suffering.

原始佛教「五蘊」其實是指「一切外在與內在的虛假訊息的接收方式」Original Buddhism’s “Five Aggregates” actually refer to “the ways of receiving all external and internal false information”

​
對佛教有少許認識的朋友相信對摩訶般若波羅密多心經 the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita並不陌生，在心經中的第一句：
Friends who have some knowledge of Buddhism are likely familiar with the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita. In the first sentence of the Heart Sutra, it says:

觀自在菩薩，行深般若波羅密多時，照見五蘊皆空，渡一切苦厄。 摩訶般若波羅密多心經 the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita

這句話用原始佛教的概念的解析是：
The original meaning from a primitive buddhism perspective:
覺知和平等心的禪修可使人超脫並到達彼岸。並當在般若智慧深入到某一個階段時，可以達到色、受、想、行、識皆停止運作的狀態，並可以超脫於所有痛苦和煩惱。
Meditation on mindfulness and equanimity can lead people to transcendence and reach the other shore. When prajna wisdom reaches a certain stage, it can achieve a state where the functions of form, sensation, perception, mental formations, and consciousness all cease, and one can transcend all suffering and afflictions.
在這裡的「五蘊」其實是照應著心經這句：
The “five aggregates” within actually correspond to the sentence in the Heart Sutra which says:

依般若波羅密多故，心無罣礙。 摩訶般若波羅密多心經 the Heart Sutra of Prajnaparamita

這句說話原意是指「通過修行般若智慧的方法，心再沒有任何阻礙。」
The original meaning of this sentence is “Through the practice of the method of Prajna wisdom, the mind no longer has any obstacles.”
所以我們的「心」會因為「五蘊」而被阻礙。其實「五蘊」原意是指「我們受困於身體制造給我們自己的空相訊息」。
So our “mind” is obstructed by the “five aggregates.” In fact, the original meaning of the “five aggregates” refers to our being trapped in the empty appearances that the body creates for us.
以下有一些日常生活作為例子去說明「五蘊」如何影響我們，如何令我們「心」有所礙，顯意識失去控制。
Here are some examples from daily life to explain how the “five aggregates” affect us, how they hinder our “mind”, and how they cause our consciousness to lose control:

色蘊（Form）－眼、耳、鼻、舌、身的訊息供應Pāli रूप (rūpa)－ Sensory information from the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and body

我們從人體所提供給我們的感觀無時無刻都會在外界吸收大量訊息，例如「視覺」、「聽覺」、「味覺」、「嗅覺」與「觸覺」。這些訊息也會作為一種內在的刺激而引起潛意識對顯意識產生「依附」。人體一切的感官接收的訊息其實是外界對人體的刺激，我們並不知道其本質但又因為「色蘊」對外界產生執著。
We absorb a large amount of information from the external world through the senses provided by the human body, such as “sight”, “hearing”, “taste”, “smell”, and “touch”. These pieces of information can also serve as internal stimuli, causing the subconscious to become ‘attached’ to the consciousness. All sensory information received by the human body is actually external stimuli, and we do not know their nature, but due to the “form aggregate”, we develop an attachment to the external world.
「相由心生」其實出自佛教用語，所謂的「相」是指所有一切你認為客觀存在的事物，都是由「心」所生，和一個人的外在沒有任何關係。我們人體有很多感官可以令我們透過視覺、聽覺、觸覺、味覺、嗅覺等去感知一種事物不同的面向，在原始佛教中認為，一切經由我們在意識下的感官所感知到的一切事物，其實只是我們創造出給自己的刺激。例如我們感知到一朵花的顏色其實是經由光線折射到我們的視網膜反映出來，客觀並不存在所謂的顏色。而聲音只是經由空氣的震動傳到我們的耳朵內的聽覺感知元件，客觀並不存在所謂的聲音。味覺與嗅覺只是我們人體的感知機制讓我們聞和吃到不同的味道，客觀並不存在所謂的味道。以上種種人體感知功能如果換作另一種動物，更可能有另一種因為不同物種之間感知功能的差異導致對客觀事物有不同的體會。
“Appearance arises from the mind” actually comes from Buddhist terminology. The so-called “Xiang(Appearance)” refers to all things you consider to exist objectively, which are all born from the “mind” and have nothing to do with a person’s external appearance. Our human body has many senses that allow us to perceive different aspects of a thing through vision, hearing, touch, taste, smell, etc. In primitive Buddhism, it is believed that everything perceived by our senses under consciousness is actually only a stimulation we create for ourselves. For example, the color we perceive from a flower is actually reflected by the light refracted onto our retina. There is no objective existence of color. Sound is only perceived through the auditory sensing component in our ears by the vibration of air, and there is no objective existence of sound. Taste and smell are just our sensory mechanisms that allow us to smell and taste different flavors, and there is no objective existence of taste. All of these human sensory functions, if applied to another animal, may lead to different perceptions of objective things due to differences in sensory functions between different species.
例子一：一名陌生男士在路上遇見一名陌生女士。
Example 1: A stranger meets a woman on the street.
例子二：艾倫在家裡看見蟑螂
Example 2: Alan sees a cockroach at home.

受蘊（feeling)－個人內在感受Pāli वेदना (vedanā)－ Personal internal sensations

從「色蘊」得到外在訊息後會產生內在感受。例如覺得有「好感」、產生情慾、覺得恐懼、嘔心討厭等等。
After receiving external information through the “form aggregate”, we generate internal sensations. For example, we may feel “attraction”, experience desire, and feel fear, or disgust.
例子一：陌生男士因為透過視覺或者嗅覺等等感官刺激產生對陌生女士的「莫名好感」。
Example 1: The stranger develops an inexplicable “liking” for the woman due to sensory stimulation such as visual or olfactory cues.
例子二：艾倫因為因為透過視覺或者觸覺等等感官刺激對蟑螂的恐懼、嘔心討厭等等感覺。 Example 2: Alan experiences fear, disgust, and other negative emotions toward cockroaches due to sensory stimulation such as visual or tactile cues.

想蘊（perceptions）－想像，慨念Pāli सञ्ञा (saññā)－ Imagination and concepts

因在「受蘊」引起的內在刺激下引起進一步的想像，不能自拔。
Due to the internal stimuli caused by the “feeling aggregate”, the individual’s imagination is further aroused, and they become unable to extricate themselves from their thoughts.
例子一：陌生男士開始對該陌生女士產生幻想，例如性幻想、幻想與陌生女士有進一步的接觸、幻想和期待下一次的邂逅。
Example 1: The stranger begins to have fantasies about the woman, such as sexual fantasies, fantasies of further contact with her, and fantasies of the next encounter.
例子二：艾倫開始幻想蟑螂會爬上他的身體，或者在晚上睡覺時進入他的口和耳。
Example 2: Alan begins to imagine that cockroaches will crawl on their body or enter their mouth and ears while they sleep at night.

行蘊（Activity)－意識引起的外在行為Pāli सङ्खार (saṅkhāra)－ external behavior caused by consciousness

受到「受蘊」和「想蘊」的影響，身體開始被潛意識操控引起肉體一系列的行為。
Influenced by the “feeling aggregate” and the ‘perception aggregate”, the body begins to be controlled by the subconscious, leading to a series of physical behaviors.
例子一：開始接近陌生女士並提出希望與其交換聯絡方法。更甚會對該女人作出性騷擾，甚至強姦。
Example 1: The stranger begins to approach the woman and proposes to exchange contact information. In more extreme cases, they may sexually harass or even rape the woman.
例子二：艾倫如果感受到恐懼、嘔心討厭等情緒，會馬上逃離現場，更甚或會暈到。如果是感受到嘔心討厭或會不斷蟑螂作出攻擊性行為。
Example 2: If Alan feels fear, disgust, or other negative emotions, they may immediately flee from the scene or even faint. If they feel disgusted, they may exhibit defensive or aggressive behavior towards the cockroach.

識蘊－潛意識對我們的影響，例如本能、過去的經歷以及因生活經驗形成的性格等等Pāli विञ्ञाण (viññāṇa)－ The influence of the subconscious on us, such as instincts, past experiences, and the formation of our personality based on life experiences.

並不是所有外在和內在訊息都能引起潛意識依附，潛意識依附的條件與我們的本能、過去的經歷以及所形成的性格等等有關。潛意識包含著大量訊息，在日常生活中潛意識會在我們不知情的情況下紀錄各種外在和內在訊息。我們無時無刻都會受到潛意識的影響，觸發起潛意識的某種感覺記憶和動物性本能就會引起潛意識對顯意識的「依附」，但當中的因果關係非常隱閉、複雜並不可思議，我們很難在沒有對自己意識的觀察下知道自己念頭和情緒慾望的起因。當「依附」開始時潛意識會產生大量念頭，顯意識不知不覺被這些念頭所影響，當顯意識投入到念頭當中就會進一步產生慾望和情緒。
Not all external and internal information can trigger subconscious attachment. The conditions for subconscious attachment are related to our instincts, past experiences, and the formation of our personality. The subconscious contains a large amount of information, and in daily life, the subconscious records various external and internal information without our knowledge. We are constantly influenced by the subconscious, and when a certain feeling memory or animal instinct is triggered, it will cause the subconscious to become ‘attached’ to the consciousness. However, the causal relationship between them is very hidden, complex, and unimaginable, and it is difficult for us to know the cause of our thoughts and emotional desires without observing our own consciousness. When attachment begins, the subconscious produces a large number of thoughts, and the consciousness is unconsciously influenced by these thoughts. When the consciousness is immersed in these thoughts, it will further generate desires and emotions.
例子一：一個人的美醜本無一個客觀標準，都是主觀感受。但陌生男士可能因其過去的經歷或者在小時候對母親的依戀，自行發展和定義出對「美」的主觀標準，所以才會對陌生女士產生情緒和慾望。
Example 1: Beauty and ugliness have no objective standards and are all subjective feelings. However, the stranger may have developed and defined his own subjective standards for ‘beauty’ based on his past experiences or attachment to his mother in childhood, which is why he has emotions and desires towards the woman.
例子二：艾倫可能童年對蟑螂的外觀或體型的厭惡反應太強烈，或基於某種與蟑螂有關的原因所產生的恐懼，所以才會如此恐懼蟑螂。
Example 2: Alan may have had a strong aversion to the appearance or size of cockroaches in childhood, or developed a fear based on some association with cockroaches, leading to their fear of cockroaches now.

最後 Finally

很多人非常沉迷神秘主義，將心經最後的咒語視為修行至寶。但其實心經的第一句就已經總結了原始佛教修行的核心。就是透過內觀冥想修行般若智慧可以「覺有情，渡眾生」，在心裡認知和明白我們所受到的任何外在與內在的對顯意識的剌激都是虛假，並在內觀冥想中理解和體會這些現象是虛假後，可以解脫於一切痛苦。
Many people are deeply addicted to mysticism and view the mantra at the end of the Heart Sutra as a treasure for spiritual practice. However, the first sentence of the Heart Sutra has already summarized the core of original Buddhist practice. Through introspective meditation, Prajna wisdom can be attained, which enables us to “perceive the existence of all sentient beings and liberate them from suffering.” By recognizing and understanding in our hearts that any external or internal stimuli we receive, which affect our consciousness, are all false, and by comprehending these phenomena as false in introspective meditation, we can be liberated from all suffering.

Part 1
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Never trust someone who can easily get themselves out of danger to protect you from it.
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August 14, 2052, freshwater sources have been depleted in the Middle East. Scientists are working to find a solution amidst rising acid levels in the ocean.
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"What are you looking at?"
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Carlo stared up from his phone. Jerell was rummaging through the pantry for something to fix and settled on some instant pancake mix.
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“Just some more news. Shit’s bad across the globe.”
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“Yeah, there’s no getting away from it unless you’re like Glen Dalton.”
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Carlo sneered.
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“That greedy piece of shit. You know, the other day I read that he and some other rich fucks were designing something so that they could escape the climate crisis.”
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“Who said that?”
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Jerell put their iron skillet on the stove and turned on the heat.
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“A most likely now former employee of his, but his pr team must be monitoring things twenty-four-seven. The post was taken down within minutes. Luckily, I thought to get a screengrab of it.”
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“So what are they coming up with then? Underground bunkers?”
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“Could be, the poster said they were eavesdropping on some meetings.”
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Jerell put some mix in a bowl along with cold water and stirred as Carlo went on.
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“I’ll never understand the mentality. How can they think spending the rest of their lives cooped up won’t make them insane?”
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“Ego?”
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“Yeah, probably. I’ve also heard that Chipotle has been closing down stores in what they refer to as nonprofitable areas.”
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“So in other words, high crime?”
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Carlo chuckled. Jerell put some batter on the skillet.
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“Our location might not be far off. Maybe we should start job hunting.”
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“Where? If they’re shutting down that means other businesses will be too.”
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“Well, that’s another bridge to cross then. Maybe all of us should see about getting transferred.”
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They had their pancakes drizzled in syrup with some cups of black coffee. When they were through eating, they brushed their teeth and then went out to the bus stop. During the ride, which was packed they had to listen to people ramble on about gas prices.
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“The whole world’s gone to shit and that’s still all people seem to care about,” Carlo thought with an eye roll.
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He exchanged a glance with Jerell who judging by his expression was thinking something similar. Not much had changed in the past two years other than their workload. On the plus side, they’d been making some traction with their music. It was slow, but progress nonetheless. The same could be said about Mona’s writing as well as Irene’s art.
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When they reached the store, they found Mona sleeping at the back desk with her head over some papers.
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“Did she spend all night here?” Jerell asked.
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“Looks like it.”
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Carlo lightly shook her shoulder. She gasped and sat up.
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“Oh fuck,” she groaned, “what time is it?”
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“A few hours until we open,” Carlo informed her.
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She rubbed her temples, then opened a desk drawer, containing a Five Hour Energy. She cracked it open and downed it.
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“What were you working on?” Jerell asked.
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“Some paperwork Fred was supposed to do.”
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“He coming in?”
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“No, he’s on vacation, again.”
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They had their work cut out for them. Irene arrived as they were about to open. The day went as usual, being busy yet monotonous. Something rare then occurred. The store slowed down. In fact, there were no customers.
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“Okay, does anyone else feel freaked out right now?” Carlo asked.
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“It is weird,” Mona agreed, “but we should just be thankful for it. By the way, I was wanting to talk to you all about something.”
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When she had their attention, she went on.
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“I was wondering if any of you wanted to collab?”
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Jereall answered.
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“I mean, we’d love to. How exactly would this work, though? I mean, me and Carlo are on music, Irene has her art, and you have your stories.”
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“Well, I was thinking maybe I could give you guys a story to write some lyrics about, and then Irene can make some background art.”
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Irene spoke up.
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“I’d be up for it, but where would we find the time to put this all together?”
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“I say we brainstorm now, then we can each work on our own parts and eventually put it all together.”
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They agreed and the impromptu session began. The genre they decided on was a mix of dark fantasy and horror. They knew that they needed to get it done whatever they were making before their enthusiasm wore out. Mona would be the first to work on it, making her story. After that, she’d present it to the others so that art and a song could be made of it.
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Elsewhere, trouble was brewing. Glen Dalton was not having a good day. During the past two years, he’d been having trouble quelling his workers. Sure, bribing politicians was easy enough, and so was convincing the general population of his greatness. However, getting people who were working under him to see the same view was more challenging.
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Why was it so hard for them to fall in line? He’d provided jobs for them which was more than most people got these days. Not to mention, he always made sure they had long hours so they could afford to pay their expenses. Nobody was grateful. His parents worked hard to establish their empire and when it fell to him he was smart enough to hire people to help him manage.
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What followed was supposed to be him enjoying his life. Instead, there was hardly anywhere he could go without encountering the parasites, be it his ingrate employees or the shoe kissers. At least he wouldn’t need to worry about dealing with them for too much longer, according to his hired researchers. In public, their opinion was the actions of his businesses and the climate crisis were in no way related. In private, they were constantly messaging him that the planet would in all likelihood not be fit for human life maybe even sooner than they were able to predict.
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This had been the case for a while. Therefore, he hired engineers to work on a means of him escaping the coming disaster. It was something he intended to keep under wraps if not for one of his ex-employees. Although his social media monitors took it down almost immediately, many saw it, and the damage was done. It wasn’t his fans turning on him that he was worried about.
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He knew that no matter what he did he would always have their loyalty. Rather, the more pressing concern was that the information would cause his opposers to throw caution to the wind and try to take him out along with his associates. Despite this, he was confident his people would finish things before everything reached a boiling point. For the first time that day, he allowed himself to smile. In his experience, patience paid off.
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In the coming months, things would get far worse than anyone could’ve foreseen. While a lot of this could be attributed to the Dalton factories releasing gases into the air, it wasn’t something people needed to concern themselves with. No, they were more worried about who wanted to marry who or how someone chose to present themselves. Obviously, these things were far more important than the habitability of the Earth. People tended to have this ability to ignore an issue even as it stared them in the face.
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However, some were fully aware of what was to come and no matter how hard they tried to get others to see it, they just wouldn’t. Others knew this was fruitless and so instead chose to prioritize their quality of life over quantity, what little they had to work with. The group that was especially good at this were artists. The reason being they possessed the unique ability to turn pain into drive. Such was the case for Mona and the others.
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The project was slow to come together. When it did, it turned out better than they imagined. Mona’s story was set in another world full of gods and monsters. Someone tried to rebel against them and failed. Their punishment was an endless loop. They were sent to the deepest darkest part of the world.
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Climbing out of it was possible. Unfortunately, every time they reached the top a monster controlled by the gods knocked them back down. Carlo and Jerell wrote lyrics detailing the rebel's pain, not only physical as the skin peeled to the bone with each climb but also mental of coming so close to freedom only to have it snatched away. Lastly, Irene painted the rebel on their back, haven fallen yet again and reaching a scabbed and bloodied arm toward the light. When it was all put together, they uploaded it where they could.
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The reception for it was better than they expected. While there were some who did not care for it, others praised the creativity of the music and art. Mona saw more comments on her story from people who read it because of the song. It was the first and last major thing any of them would accomplish. They were okay with that.
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Within the next year, things truly fell apart between natural disasters and scarcity. As mentioned, Glen Dalton had a means of escape and now was the time to use it. He was riding in his private jet. Every so often, he would glance out the window, seeing the fires of retaliation both figuratively and literally speaking. It took a while, but even his most loyal fans turned on him in the final moments, not that it mattered.
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On remote islands, he and others had something worked on, ships to be exact, paid for generously with government funding. Of course, that meant he’d have to rub elbows more often with people he didn’t care for. That was a small price to pay, though. When he arrived, others were also there. It wouldn’t be long before the launch would commence.
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Elsewhere, it wouldn’t be long before the rest of humanity would have to spend their final days. Most chose to do this with family and friends. Others, elected to have solitude. Mona and the others chose to spend their time left with each other and their families. They decided if they were going to go out anyway it may as well be on a happy note and so they gathered what little they possessed and threw a celebration.
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The air was heavy with fumes as the rockets launched. Mona and the others were at Irene’s home, sitting together. Whatever differences divided people finally didn’t seem to matter.
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“I don’t think it’ll be much longer,” Mona wheezed.
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The end was a frightening thing and drugs helped. Among them was a bong which she took another hit from. She passed it to Carlo who lit it.
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“People really enjoyed what we did,” Jerell smiled.
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“Yeah, I just wish we could’ve done it sooner,” Irene replied.
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“Better late than never,” Carlo said after blowing a cloud of smoke. “Still, it would’ve been nice if we had time to make something else. Can someone hand me the chips?”
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With them were also snacks. The goal was to finish as much as they could.
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“It’s a shame,” Carlo continued. “There’s a lot of places I wish I could’ve gone.”
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“Jamaica?” Jerell suggested.
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“That’s one. What about you?”
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“I always wanted to see Japan.”
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“Rome for me,” Irene interjected. “What about you, Mona?”
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“The ocean.”
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They were losing strength. In an effect similar to hypothermia, their minds were elsewhere. They passed away only hours later along with their families. Each one of them smiled as their imaginations made them experience their hearts’ desires. They were able to go happily. It would not be long until no living life would remain on the planet.
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Glen Dalton and the other elites were in stasis as their ships were drifting through space. Before going into their slumbers, the ships connected to each other to form a moving city. It was powered through several means, mainly solar. Failing that, kinetic energy would also work for a while. The plan was to travel to an Earth-like planet and establish a new society. In order to manage everything, several AIs were created.
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As tends to happen, however, things rarely go according to plan.
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Author's Note: Finally, I'm able to get this next part out. I won't lie. This was a bit of a struggle to write, but the next part which hopefully should be the finale is where things will really pick up. Anyway, I'd you enjoyed this post, you can check out my links. The first shows where to support me. The second shows my list of stories and the last shows the articles I have written.

Sometimes a band gets so big that they somehow outshine themselves. They reach a point in their career where it does not matter if they release a new album or not; fans just want to see them tour. No one gave a damn that Led Zeppelin had not released a new album since the 1970’s; everyone just wanted to see them play again at the O2 Arena in 2007. When The Who played the Super Bowl halftime show in 2010 they had only released one new album in 28 years, and no one cared. And no one cares that Guns & Roses aren’t making new music. They still packed arenas to see how much cake Axl had packed into himself.
We’re going to take a dive into a blues power trio from down south who have zero need to release any new music, since their recording career stretches back over five decades. They had amazing and groundbreaking success in the ‘70s, the ‘80s, and the ‘90s before hitting the max level. Instead of playing to win, they now play for fun. Their sexually charged lyrics and videos inspired generations of teens to both dress better and worry about their fly. And you can bet that their fuzzy, bluesy tight sound had a huge impact on our very own desert dwellers.
It’s time for us to take a walk with That Little Ol’ Band from Texas. This week’s featured artist is the legendary ZZ TOP
About Them
The Power Trio is a tested and true format for a rock band. Lots of examples come to mind: Cream. Rush. The Police. Biffy Clyro. King Buffalo. Them Crooked Vultures. (Wait a sec. Just three members? Clearly, not everything is bigger in Texas.)
There is a member joke there somewhere, but I just can’t get it to come. Hmm. Perhaps it will come if you play with it a bit.
Hey! Stop that. Get your mind out of the gutter.
ZZ Top’s original and founding member was William Frederick Gibbons. Born in Houston in 1949, the front man was originally a drummer but, after studying with Tito Puente in New York City, picked up the guitar at age 13. His dad was a musician in show business, which allowed Billy to get an insider’s view of the industry. By the late ‘60s, he had been in and founded a number of bands and had even befriended the late great James Marshall Hendrix. One of his first bands, a psychedelic/art house band called The Moving Sidewalks, toured with the Jimi Hendrix Experience. This meant that Gibbons was actually mentored by Snagglepuss himself. They also toured with The Doors, where Gibbons saw the legendary self-destructive band somehow manage to rise above conflict and make music every night. The Moving Sidewalks generated a following all of its own with a couple of hit songs, and things seemed to be headed in the right direction.
Things were going absolutely great until bassist Don Summers and keyboard player Tom Moore were drafted into the army to fight in Vietnam. Don't you just love the ‘60s?
Gibbons and drummer Dan Mitchell added a new keyboard player, Lanier Greg, and tried to make another run at it. But the chemistry was all wrong. Gibbons rechristened the band as ZZ Top (an homage to BB King), and declared that he wanted more of a straight up rock approach than the art-house kaleidoscopic sound.
Gibbons, Mitchell, and Greg (isn’t it weird when last names are also first names too?) recorded the single Salt Lick in 1969. This generated a bunch of interest and a recording contract. Decisions over the direction of the band ensued and it quickly became clear that Mitchell and Greg did not agree with Gibbons’ hard rock approach. That ended up being a poor life decision for them, but a great one for a couple of other guys.
Clearly, Gibbons needed a new rhythm section.
Fortunately, he found a package deal.
Dusty Hill and Frank Beard - also both born in 1949 - had been playing together on the Dallas-Houston-Fort Worth circuit in a number of bands, including The Warlocks, The Cellar Dwellers, and a fake cover band called The Zombies. Both the Duster and the (then ironically) beardless Beard also heard the siren call of rock and roll. Hill was classically trained and was an accomplished cello player before moving to his signature bass. Frank ‘Rube’ Beard appears to have been born with drumsticks in his hands (which I imagine might have been uncomfortable for his mom).
Beard joined the band first, along with bassist Billy Ethridge, who had played with Stevie Ray Vaughn. Ethridge balked at signing a contract and so joined Mitchell and Greg on the list of ZZ Top’s former members. Their lineup was set. Hill and Beard anchored the band in a rock-solid, tight, bluesy fashion. Gibbons meshed perfectly with this duo, and his Hendrix-inspired guitar work was on another level. Hill provided backing vocals, and Gibbons’ low throaty growl was an impressive counterpoint to his soaring fretwork. The talent was all there; now they just needed to record some music.
But success was not instantaneous, not by a long shot.
Their first album - appropriately called ZZ Top’s First Album - gives insight into who the band were to become. In this 1971 release, you can hear their raw sound. The record peaked at 201 on the charts, and had only one single - (Somebody Else Been) Shaking Your Tree. It did give them material to go out and tour. The boys gelled on that tour and went back into the studio with renewed energy, and emerged with 1972’s Rio Grande Mud. The disc was a step forward in refining their sound. The album almost cracked the top 100, and the only single - Francine - went all the way to number 69.
Nice.
But the band knew that their third album, Tres Hombres, was something special. It is the epitome of Southern Rock: bluesy, fast paced, sexy, and irreverent, it is just over half an hour of pure magic. And while the album went gold and peaked at number 8 on the charts and is worth your time, it was one particular single that rocketed them to stardom. You know it and you love it, and a-how-how-how-how: La Grange. It is still in heavy rotation on classic rock stations today. And why not? The song is an absolute banger of boogie woogie blues, written about a visit to a whorehouse. What’s not to love?
La Grange propelled them to popularity. Tours sold out. Venues got bigger and bigger. 1975’s follow up album, Fandango!, was half live album (with some covers) and half new material - like an EP with bonus tracks. They covered the Elvis Presley classic Jailhouse Rock, Willie Dixon’s Mellow Down Easy, and John Lee Hooker’s Long Distance Boogie. The boys had rock and blues chops, and had 5 years of touring experience. These were bold statements that cemented their musicality as well as honoring their roots. But side two of the disc had another track that you’ve come to love. You ain’t asking for much: You’re just lookin’ for some Tush. Tush was the perfect sexually charged follow up to ensure that they were not one-hit wonders. It was written in a ten-minute spasm of creativity at a sound check, and has gone on to be one of their most popular songs.
While Tush topped the charts, ZZ Top went back into the studio to record their full length follow up, 1976’s Tejas. The name of the album means ‘friends’ in the Indigenous Caddo language, and was the basis for the name of the state. You know what that means? It means that the name of the state is ‘Friends’. Just like the ‘90s sitcom. Don’t mess with Friends. Anyways, this was an album of experimentation for the band, and unlike its predecessor it came out half baked at best. Billy Gibbons has called it a transition album. What actually happened is the band transitioned into a hiatus from touring and recording, taking some significant time off. They had recorded five albums in six years and spent virtually all their time on the road. The latest effort was just not up to their standards and was a step back. It also completed their recording contract.
What was the solution to this burn out?
Facial hair of course.
The boys took a few years off before landing another recording contract, this time with Warner. Over those months, both Gibbons and Hill grew what would become their signature long ‘Texas Goatee’ beards. Frank Beard did not grow a beard (though he did finally succumb to peer pressure from his bandmates in 2013, and his is much more neatly trimmed). So while they were resting/relaxing/getting their groove back/aligning their chakras or whatever, they also started to reinvent their signature sound as the world moved towards a decade of legendary excess.
The first step on this reinvention journey was 1979’s Degüello. The title literally means ‘decapitation’ but idiomatically refers to a fight to the death. Clearly, the band decided to tackle their transition head on. The album was not as successful as Tres Hombres or Fandango!, but it was not the flop that Tejas was. It did spawn a couple of singles - I Thank You (which was a cover) and the signature hit Cheap Sunglasses. Both are staples at ZZ Top concerts to this day. Degüello was quickly followed up in 1981 by the album El Loco. This was really the first time ZZ Top incorporated a synthesizer into their sound. As you know, the synth was THE new wave sound of the 1980s. Gods help us, keytars were once popular. But Gibbons, Hill, and Beard did not abandon their edge. The single Pearl Necklace was an immensely popular innuendo laced tune from this album. And no, I will not explain what a pearl necklace is to you.
Ask your mom.
Over the course of their first seven albums, ZZ Top had steadily grown in popularity and become a truly extraordinary live band. More than a decade of touring together meant that they had not just cut their teeth. They had found the Tooth Fairy, beaten her senseless, and added fangs to their jaws. They were ready to tackle whatever came their way.
Their huge breakthrough coincided with the birth of music videos and MTV. 1983’s Eliminator was an absolute monster of an album. ZZ Top were everywhere. They completely embraced the Music Video as a medium and became pioneers in this new genre. They branded their band with a 1933 fire-engine red Ford Coupe, which was on the cover of the album. They even had a signature hand gesture that they used as the car went by. The car belonged to Billy Gibbons and embodied his hot rod obsessions. It was featured in the videos for Gimme All Your Lovin’, Sharp Dressed Man, and Legs. Other singles from the album included Got me Under Pressure and TV Dinners. Eliminator is still the band’s most successful album. They were at the absolute height of their popularity with a massive audience. No doubt the 10-year-old Joshua Michael Homme watched those videos on a small screen in the California desert, little knowing that he would one day collaborate with Gibbons.
Seeking to capitalize on the popularity, the band went back into the studio and released Afterburner in 1985. It featured the signature hot rod on the cover and spawned two more singles - Sleeping Bag and Velcro Fly. Afterburner was not an innovative album by any stretch of the imagination. It simply built on the success of Eliminator and replicated the sound. If you blended the two albums together it would be very difficult for a novice fan to guess which song came from which disc. But hell, when you release the most popular album of your career and are earning millions of dollars for that sound, it is not time to mess with success. Or with Texas. Or with Friends (though Ross was a pain in the ass, IMHO).
That desire to not screw up a good thing was also evident in their next release, the retrospective re-release Six Pack. This was a great way to earn some bucks with a simple repackaging of existing tracks - I’m looking at you, K-Tel… - and introducing them to another generation of fans. This was not a bad thing at all - you gotta get that green whenever you can, because fame can be fleeting.
ZZ Top closed out the decade by going Back to the Future. Literally. They appeared in the third installment of the Michael J. Fox trilogy as the olde-timey house band (complete with rotating guitars) in the saloon scene. The single and signature song from the movie, Doubleback, appeared on their 1990 release Recycler. The album spawned two more singles: My Head’s in Mississippi and Concrete and Steel. Recycler was not as successful as its predecessors, but it did effectively max level the band. In the 1970’s they were a scuffling bar band that hit it big. In the 1980’s they were one of the most popular bands of the MTV generation. And in the 1990’s they achieved superstardom. They had hit the level where it truly no longer mattered if they ever released new material again. They could simply tour on their back catalogue alone and sell out stadiums.
It is clear that the band realized this as well. In the thirty years since Recycler came out, they have released five albums of new material: Antenna in 1994, Rhythmeen in 1996, XXX in 1999, Mescalero in 2003 and the critically acclaimed and Rick Rubin produced La Futura in 2012. This was equivalent to their output in their first six years.
In contrast, they have released no less than eight greatest hits albums, cover albums and live albums in the same time span. Greatest Hits came out in 1992. One Foot in the Blues was released in 1994. The massive compilation Chrome, Smoke & BBQ came out in 2003, and is a fantastic place to start if you are a new fan. Rancho Texicano was released in 2004, Live from Texas came out in 2008, and Double Down Live hit shelves in 2009. Live at Montreaux came out in 2013 and Tonite at Midnight: Live Greatest Hits from Around the World was released in 2016.
As recently as 2019, there were rumors that a new album was in the works for our Septuagenarian heroes. Lord knows the boys from Texas have nothing left to prove to anyone.
It was then that tragedy struck. Dusty Hill had to leave the band during a tour in 2021. The reason given was a hip injury. His guitar tech, Elwood Francis, filled in. Shockingly, Hill died at home at the age of 72 just five days after leaving the tour.
Fans were shocked and mourned the stalwart bassist. Per his wishes - and it seems he knew something wasn’t quite right - ZZ Top did not break up. Francis replaced Hill on bass, and the band soldiered on. In 2022, they released Raw, a soundtrack for a 2019 documentary about them. This was Hill’s final release.
You can still catch them on tour. They are going to be out there this summer, touring with Lynyrd Skynyrd, for something they are calling ‘The Sharp Dressed Simple Man’ Tour.
Go buy some tickets. Don’t miss your chance to see a truly iconic band before they are gone.
Links to QOTSA
The Reverend Billy F. Gibbons was a big part of the Lullabies to Paralyze album by our Desert Dwellers. He played guitar and provided backing vocals on Burn the Witch. He was co-lead vocalist and lead guitar on the QotSA cover of Precious and Grace, which he originally released as a ZZ Top tune on the Tres Hombres album. He also provided the guitar stylings for Like a Drug.
But the connections don't stop there. Billy sang the lead vocal track on the recent Desert Sessions tune Move Together, and he played guitar on Noses in Roses, Forever.
What may be most important to QotSA fans is that Gibbons was the first person, almost two years ago, who hinted that Queens were working on a new album.
And now we know he was right. Never doubt a Reverend.
Their Music
Salt Lick
(Somebody Else Been) Shaking your Tree
Francine
La Grange -- Live on Howard Stern
Jailhouse Rock
Tush -- a fan made video. It is not subtle.
Cheap Sunglasses
Pearl Necklace -- Live
Gimme All Your Lovin’
Sharp Dressed Man
Legs -- the ultimate makeover video
Got Me Under Pressure -- Live at Montreaux
Sleeping Bag -- Let’s go out to Egypt and check out some heads...
Velcro Fly -- also somehow in Egypt
My Head’s In Mississippi
Concrete and Steel -- vintage video
Doubleback
I Gotsta Get Paid -- from La Futura
Show Them Some Love
/zztop
Previous Posts
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I(18f) asked my cousin (22m) to get me and friend something. Last night me and my friend asked my cousin if he could get something for us as we weren’t old enough to purchase it our self. If you understand…you understand. We sent him forty-five(45) to get two things of what we wanted because we knew that each of them would cost at least 21 dollars and we sent him extra for the cost. I always keep in mind to keep money on me for the gas being spent to do things like this because gas is not cheap nowadays and he is aware of this. He came back with two seven (7) dollar versions of what we asked for and tried to lie and say he only had 8 dollars left. When i tried to get him to go to a different store to use a little bit of the money to get one more thing he refused. Understandable because it was late but he did still lie about the price.
After i got every thing in my friends house and we started enjoying ourselves i started to get upset because i do not like my money being played with. I cannot stand the idea of someone lying and stealing from me because i would never do that to someone i am close to and the idea of that shit makes me sick. So i confronted him on text.
“These bottles only 7 dollars or something right?”
“Yea”
“So where is the rest of the money”
And he called me immediately and started explaining himself. He tried to explain that he didn’t think it would be a big problem because he was going out of his way to go and get said product. To me that wasn’t the case. I’m very much aware of the time he spent to go get what i asked for and I’m not upset with him taking a portion for himself. I’m upset that he would not have explain everything and would have continued to lie to my face about what happened at the store than to explain what happened and be truthful. I understand that me being upset about what happened might be a bit much because my other cousin explained that he did drive 15 minutes to get to where we were to give us what we asked for but like i said i understand that and I’m only upset with how he handled it. Am i the asshole?
Edit: yes i understand it’s illegal but can you answer the question? Just take the age out of it if it bothers you so much that I’m underage. Am i the asshole for being upset for being robbed even tho the person got a version of the product i wanted?

Chapter 88 - From All I Believed
​
Morning, Two days before Shel
Captain Setar suppressed a smile as she watched the Ops door close. “Well, that was interesting…Ce’lani is a little cranky.” The last vestiges of sleep clung to her as she settled down into the command chair. She felt worn out, but it was the cusp of dawn, and Pod Seven had only just turned over control. “Report on station?”
“The perimeter’s secure,” Jelki replied crisply, pulling up the map of the campus on the main screen. “Pod One is on station and reports twelve by twelve. Sgt Ma’reis is already complaining about janitor duty.”
“Ah, first pod problems.” Setar shook her head, rubbing her eyes and blowing gently on her mug of tea. “What about the objective?”
“The objective’s secure,” Re’lan piped up, already sounding chipper. The woman could have been priestess of Jrafell. Her unwavering cheeriness would have been a character fault if she weren’t so devoted. As it was, it was a damned penance for everyone else at this time of day.
Jelke finished running the obligatory shift change checks and stretched. Things wouldn't get interesting until breakfast, but watching the perimeter was a given. It didn't keep the curiosity out of her voice, as she cocked her head and glanced over. “What was interesting with Captain Ton’is, Ma’am?”
“Mm! Well… it appears she’s expecting a call from Professor Warrick today,” Setar drawled out, taking a moment to savor their reaction. “She felt a need to remind me she’s devoted to Hele, and that if Be’ona or I let her sleep through the call, she’s going to ‘fuck us up the ass with a lasrifle and pull the trigger’.”
Re’lan was probably blushing like a cadet, but Jelke shook her head ruefully. “I expect there's a ‘but’ in there somewhere, Captain?”
“Well, yeah, she said that’s where the rifle would go…” Setar sniggered before taking a long sip from her tea, and slid a bit lower in the command couch. Her eyes wandered to the traffic on the board. “She also made it clear what’ll happen if anybody listens in.”
Thoughtful silence descended. Setar almost counted to twelve before-
“We’re going to anyway, right Captain?” Jelke asked nonchalantly. “You know, for security’s sake?”
“Sergeant, that would be a base infringement of Captain Ton’is’ privacy, which is in fucking short supply for everyone in this bunker.” She rubbed her chin thoughtfully, watching the steam rise from her mug. “Deeps right we are.”
_ _ _
Lady Wicama regarded her guest with interest as their autocab plied its way about the outskirts of Prelitauri. While she’d been free and cheerfully able to accommodate Khelira’s request, Monsignor Santino Barcio, or Friar Barcio, as he preferred, was not at all what she’d been expecting. She supposed it was a matter of exposure…
The Palace had never quite been the same since Princess Yn’dara’s wedding. Yn’dara was one of those odd Royals who, though well-regarded, was seldom in the public eye. A perennial favorite of the Empress, indulging her unexplained absences passed as a matter of course for the Court. Widely known to be estranged from her mother, Princess Arduina, no one enquired either deeply or often, so when she suddenly resurfaced, her return would have equally passed without comment… if not for the wedding.
Yn’dara had shocked the entire Nobility.
While it was common for any woman to marry into an established family and become a kho, the wedding should have been singular for a Princess. Princesses didn’t marry into families, Princesses formed them. And while Yn’dara technically had done so, she’d taken on four unmarried women at the same time as her husband, who was a Human! Favorite or no, the wags in the court were agog that the Empress accepted Adam so readily! The Empress, however, had been adamant; Yn’dara and her family had her blessings, and were to be left alone.
However, time had proven to be on Yn’dara’s side as well as the Empress.
After a wedding seen across the galaxy, Yn’dara’s family settled into a life of public duty. They spent long trips away from Shil, and while quietly dismissed as ‘pleasure excursions’, her trips often showed the throne to the outer provinces. Although her public engagements were few, she’d become a vocal advocate of the Empress’ reforms against graft and corruption, and, gradually, the jealous mutters about scandalous excess and Human debauchery faded away. Her marriage remained an unusual footnote, but time had demonstrated the value of Yn’dara and her wives to the throne.
Then there was Prince Adam.
Rumor held the Prince had made a favorable impression on the Empress years before, at an event hosted by Yn’dara’s mother. While details had never been forthcoming, a more significant story about Adam wafted briefly through the ranks of the Golden Glaives.
Both stories had been effectively silenced, but Wicama knew who to talk to, and being Khelira’s guardian carried a certain clout all its own. Though that influence waxed and waned over the years, raising Khelira required being aware of events that could shape her future, and she’d proven herself to be discreet. Over time, doors had opened and words had flowed.
Time had been on Prince Adam’s side, as well.
As the years passed, she’d had an exposure to Prince Adam that few of the court and none of the public enjoyed. She’d been wary at first, but he’d been a good friend and mentor to Princess Khelandri before she joined the Marines, and however infrequent his presence, he always displayed a keen mind, a loving heart, and a steadfast duty to his wives. Privately, he absolutely doted on young Khelira and possessed a loyalty to the Empress that you could bend battlesteel around. The two got along famously - after all, he was a veteran.
Not Navy, mind you, but you couldn’t have everything.
And so, as Humanity began making forays upon the galactic stage, her first impression of the species had been favorable. She’d witnessed Adam mature into his role with the court, and while the issue of children remained unspoken, that faded as well. At the time, Yn’dara had been sixth in the line of succession. A year after the wedding, Kamaud’re became an adult, followed a year later by Khelandri, and the matter became largely moot.
As for a second impression on Humans, Khelira had provided enthusiastic reports about Thomas Warrick. While the Princess thrived at the Academy, Warrick seemed to be something special.
The absence of a father in her life had been a void that no woman could properly fill, but she’d done her best. Although she’d entertained a few qualms, as the months passed by, Warrick remained a positive influence. Khelira’s messages were infrequent by necessity, but she’d written about her distress over Warrick’s family and clearly been moved. Prince Adam carried his own scars, but what veteran didn’t? He hid them carefully around Khelli, and if Warrick had chosen not to, he’d provided a useful sense of perspective, instead. It was time for Khelira to grow up, and that meant facing the grist of differing opinions and ugly realities. That was what education was actually for, and Warrick seemed to be doing admirably well as a grindstone.
All of that was before the library incident, which settled her opinion once and for all. While erratic, irreverent, and capable of violence, Humans clearly could be a positive influence when channeled in the right direction. Yn’dara had shown what a good Shil’vati woman was capable of with Prince Adam, and Lady Pel’avon was following suit.
And at least the wags at the Palace wouldn’t speak of Yn’dara’s state wedding again. As a subject for spectacle, Miv’eire Pel’avon’s had put it to shame.
Still, it was good to see Warrick married. While Professor Ha’meres scandalous exploits had faded from the public eye, older wo… more mature women didn’t forget such things. The man had been a daring adventurer - and an inveterate gadabout - and an unmarried man around that many young women was too tempting for some girls. A wife or two… preferably more… resolved such idle fancies. If the Pel’avon ceremony had been somewhat… questionable in taste, compared to Adam’s, it remained legally binding. Warrick was willing to settle down, and by all reports his wife had a proper sense of decorum.
Human men seemed to be a trial from the Goddess, but hopefully she and her kho-wife could sort him with time, love, and kindness.
While exposure to only two Humans was not what she’d call a comprehensive sample, in both cases her impressions had been quite positive. And so, when Khelli asked her to escort a Human Priest about the city, she’d been entirely willing.
Thus far, it had been an enjoyable morning. While there had been occasional missteps, their conversation had been delightful as they traveled from property to property. Even so, she hadn’t expected to meet such a kindred spirit.
Admittedly she’d stammered a bit when he mentioned eating the flesh and drinking the blood of his redeemer. On the other hand, she compared it to the first time she’d bled into the ocean, mingling salt in her blood with the seas. He’d turned shockingly pale, so she changed the subject. It was a purely symbolic act to Drepna - just a cut on the thumb, for goddess sake...
She’d taken extra care afterwards. Barcio could be clearly a sensitive male, but diplomacy was part of her work. Even calling her role ‘work’ was deceptive. She’d raised Khelira in every way an Empress could not.
It was easy for other women to appreciate the prestige of her position, but few understood the depth of it - or the satisfaction.
During her career in the Navy, her flotilla had provided direct support for the Empress, and they’d come to work closely over three tours. After Khelira’s birth years later, the invitation came from the Royal Household to act as her guardian, and she’d never looked back. Competition had been fierce for the prestigious position, but applying had been the best move of her life.
Empress Kamilesh loved all her children and had spent as much time with each of them as she could, but her work was all-consuming, and after her husband’s act of… Well, the Empress had been there, but she’d born her pain privately. She had lost herself in her work for many years before recovering a semblance of her former self, and her absence had taken a toll on her children. Kamaud’re had taken it the worst. Khelandri had bounced back, while everyone doted on Lu’ral. Barely more than an infant, Khelira had been far too young to remember. Wicama had been there through all of it.
It was a good life, and the princess was a delightful girl. For Wicama, the absence of a man in her life was something she’d felt now and then, but she invested her life in Khelira. The Empress treated her as a member of the family in all but name… and in a very real sense, the child you raised was your child.
Looking back, some women might insinuate she’d given up her personal life to raise another woman’s daughter. They couldn’t have been more wrong.
She had her calling - just as Friar Barcio had his.
Yes, he was a priest, and his religious strictures were very unusual. A male priest in any of the Shil’vati faiths would never be placed under such restraints, and for a man to go unmarried was noteworthy…
But she understood having a calling. Oh yes, she understood that as few others could.
After discussing his needs, they’d set out to examine three properties around Prelitauri. The Friar’s individual requirements were deceptively difficult when taken as a whole. A complex coupling a generous auditorium, ample administrative space, and he clearly needed substantial grounds to properly convey a sense of aura. Such accommodations were seldom on the market, and since he expected his colleagues to arrive in weeks, his need was immediate.
Thankfully, urban renewal moved in waves. The tides of such fashions meant Prelitauri was once again an up-and-coming area. While difficult to find, three older structures had the potential to be suitable, and so it was that she’d enjoyed learning about her guest as they explored the tiny district.
The Monsignor spoke four other Earth languages fluently. He tended to break into his native tongue and hadn’t mastered contractions yet, but his Vatikre was passable and he listened carefully, seldom needing to ask about a word. After limiting her contractions when she spoke, their conversation flowed easily.
Barcio had shown little enthusiasm for the first two properties, but their conversation regarding other matters never waned. She expanded on her devotion to Drepna, Shil and the roles of each goddess while asking careful questions of his faith. His own inquiries proved thoughtful, and he was as avid in politely asking after her beliefs as explaining his faith.
After their second hour together, she’d taken the liberty of calling Prelate Hi’meta Merlamiss. As a priestess of Drepna’s second circle, Merlamiss had proven a valuable contact over the years. Well connected, she enjoyed a good relationship with many other prelates of the Divine Halls; she also got on well with Xinfess, the Rakiri’s Speaker of the Dark Mother on Shil. A meeting with Barcio would readily open doors for his group that might otherwise prove difficult to attain, and while Barcio’s accent strained now and then, it was clear the Monsignor and the Prelate shared a questionably low sense of humor.
Given a chance, they’d probably get on famously.
Certainly, that would be a blessing. Their hunt for a suitable facility had not gone nearly so well, and while Barcio had been conciliatory toward the first two facilities, she could tell he wasn’t taken with either. The last property wasn’t high in her expectations, so she found herself casting her head to the side when it swept into view and he clasped his hands in excitement.
”*È bella!* This is beautiful,” he exclaimed. “It reminds me a bit of my childhood home in Sacile!”
She looked out at the complex with its low gabled roofs, as their cab wound up from the entrance. Beside the drive, a small river meandered through the campus past the main buildings. She tapped the console to slow their ride and considered the place in a new light. “I’m… well, a bit surprised to be honest, Friar.”
“Please! We have been traveling for hours now, and I am not holding a service.” The Friar spared her a warm smile, before gazing back at the premises. “I would take it as a great kindness if you would call me Santino.”
“Very well - on the condition you call me Wicama.” It had been some time since anyone called her by anything but title or rank, and the informality was pleasant. Still, as their autocab closed on the end of the lane, she let such thoughts go and considered the location properly.
The buildings were low, sensible cubes, but that was largely an end to it. The architect had made some unusual choices in Helkam motifs that strained understanding. A long colonnade bordered the river, and that seemed nice enough, but the buildings! Forgoing purple was one thing, but they were beige! With unusual elements and the repressively bland color scheme, it was small wonder the clerk handling the property confessed that the space had lain vacant. Its original owners went into foreclosure. The exotic design had proven unable to attract interest, laying dormant ever since.
Barcio… Santino… seemed delighted, however, and she pulled up the specifications on her omni-pad. “This site has two smaller auditoriums besides the main one, while the central building has four floors. One is underground, but all the floors face an interior atrium.”
As the cab gently halted in the car park, she climbed out to hold the door but Santino had already scrambled out and was examining the gardens with evident interest. Tall stands of parago trees were losing the last of their fronds for the year, but she had to admit the grounds were substantial. Yesterday’s storm had left the morning air cold and crisp, lending the gardens an appealing aspect. Untended since the last owners, much could be done with them.
She had given up trying to escort the Friar anywhere after their first two stops, and now they fell into an easy pace side by side as they strolled toward the main building. She turned back to the property itself. “So, this reminds you of your home?”
It wasn’t exactly Helkam architecture - domes weren’t covering every possible surface - but the builder had clearly been nodding in that direction. A promenade wound to the entry, supporting white chevrons that arced into the sky. The bright morning sky shone through clever cutouts, making the unusual design at least look light, rather than oppressive and unappealing. With a decent renovation, the facility had possibilities, and the price was comparatively low.
“*Si!* Oh, not so much like home, but there is the sense of it. I was born near the sea, and this feels… similar.” He gave her a depreciating smile before rolling his eyes. “It may not please everyone who is coming, but ‘everyone’ is not here, so I am allowed some indulgence! Better to have something waiting than nothing at all. I confess, some of my colleagues thought we’d only manage when the bridge to Messina is finished.”
“You should not have been sent ahead alone! Surely your colleagues were not that worried about a poor reception,” she tutted. Priest or no, there were decencies about a man traveling alone to be observed. “You shouldn't need a bridge to find a place for your mission. I don’t know where Messina is, but I’m certain Prelate Marlemis wouldn’t stand for it!”
“Tch! Excuse my poor efforts! The older I get, the more I remember things like yesterday. Unfortunately, the yesterdays I remember so well were thirty years ago!” Barcio smiled wryly up at her as they walked. “The ‘bridge to Messina’ used to be a saying… People dreamed of building a bridge to Sicily, and it became something that never happened. My English friends would instead say ‘when hell freezes over’. *Un'espressione volgare*, but very much to the point.”
“Ah… I’m sure we can manage something, and this could be made presentable. Maybe change the beige to a pale violet?” she offered helpfully as she made it to the door first, holding it open. “The aura inside isn’t so bad.”
“You’ve said that several times, but I do not know what you mean?” He paused in looking around the entry, which had an open foyer exposing the two floors above and led out to the atrium beyond. “What is ‘aura’? I do not think I know the word as you mean it.”
“Aura is… Hmm…” Wicama paused thoughtfully and gestured at the atrium. The interior was in better shape than the grounds, and the architect had done something clever. Not yet noon, a bevel along the top edge filled the space with sunlight. “Have you ever walked along a beach and wanted to save a shell? When you are there, that is aura… When you take the shell home and think of the beach, that is aura, but… less focused. Diminished. You sense the beach because of the shell, but you are not at the beach. Places can have aura, but it is more than character. If you move through a place and find yourself experiencing it? That is aura.”
“Mhm! *lodevole!*“I like this idea very much. It would be right at home in the Vatican. Not everyone understands a space can move the spirit, or lend power to a message.” He nodded thoughtfully as he cast his eye about the open space. “With the right advice, perhaps we can lead others to these halls.”
“Perhaps. If you tour the Palace, I hope you’ll allow me to show you about? A lot of the real gems are hidden from the public.” She watched as he wandered toward the double-helixed stairways bordering the room. Those were definitely Helkam; walking up one side without meeting someone coming down the other was an interesting experience… once. After that, they could be an absolute nuisance. Spotting the elevators, she called him back. “The nice thing is this place is inexpensive! That will pad out your funds for a good remodel.”
Wicama quietly thanked the Goddesses that the builder’s had the good sense to install normal Shil’vati-style elevators. The sides were open, granting a wide view out over the atrium. The grounds were terraced to create a small park; that could make the underground space bearable, and the plans made them seem spacious enough. Not to everyone’s taste, but pretty. “I feel bad for asking, but can you afford the building? If the price of the first two bothered you, we can find others.”
“I would not hear of it! Thank you for your concern, but we are economical with our funds, and were sent with a generous sum. This is an important venture to everyone involved,” Barcio clasped a hand over his chest, as he shook his head. “I can not thank you enough for your help! You have surely spared me weeks, and I might not have found something half so suitable. As it is, the grounds are enough to gain me converts. Father Roscio and Pastor Weber will surely plant a vineyard before the inside is half done!”
“It’s not a problem. I have plenty of time,” she replied, dismissing the matter as inconsequential. “I work at the Palace, but with the Court away and my daughter at school, I’m a bit at loose ends just now. At the very least, I insist on helping you through the paperwork. I wouldn’t put it past some realty clerks to try and overcharge you… Someone from outside Shil, that is. I’ll ensure they stick to the listing.”
“To someone not from Shil… or someone who is not Shil’vati, perhaps?” His head canted slightly to one side, but he smiled as he said it. “*Certamente!* I would not dream of preventing you, though Rabbi Kleinbaum will be bitterly disappointed she has nothing to moan about.”
“I hope you won't take this badly, as I’ve only met one Human.” Wicama gave him a smile. She was long past girlish uncertainty, and the Navy had taught her a generous measure of professional poise to go with her skills as a markswoman. “You aren’t what I expected.”
“You know the professore, then?” He sucked in a breath and pursed his lips. “I am still deciding what sort of man he is.”
“No, actually, I know another Human but I’ve not… I have not… met Professor Warrick.”
“So. You mean that I am not *un barbaro*? I am here to make sure that we are seen as something more than savage warriors, *capisci*?” He studied her expectantly. “While the Imperium is doing good work on Earth, some still live in want. The Imperium provides enough for all to survive, but not all live in plenty. We need to present ourselves well.”
”That seems like a very secular outlook.” She offered, as they rode up to the third floor. Barcio asked for an explanation of the word, and by the time they’d made their way through the first offices he had the idea.
“My church has not always troubled itself with such things, but our holy father is greatly concerned with such inequalities. He takes it upon himself to address such matters with the Governess, when their time allows.”
“Your church has a good relationship with her?”
“È straordinario! The Governess adores our food, and while she was adamant about taking quarters in the Vatican, she has taken pains not to disturb us.” He shrugged dismissively. “*Cosa sai fare?* It seemed a small price, and we have endured far worse.”
“I used to hear terrible stories about red zones on Earth, though the Humans I’ve met don't seem the sort. It is good that your… pulp?” She tried the word and was rewarded with kind laughter and a gentle correction. “It is good that your pope concerns himself with the full welfare of the people and works with your governess. Our prelates share the same concerns.”
“I thought the Empress was the head of your church? Now, I find you have many…” he groped for a word, frowning, and gave up. “*Questo accento è una prova di fede!* ‘Denominations’ is not the right word, but she is the one revered, yes?”
“Of course! The Empress has to show all of our virtues and none of our faults, but that’s part of her role. To favor any divinity over the others could cause divisions. She has her personal preferences, of course, but never lets them be known.” Wicama explained carefully. “It would be in poor taste.”
“And poor politics, I think?” Santino gave her a long look. At his height it was difficult, but he managed. “This makes sense to me now, that the Imperium leaves matters of faith alone. *Una benedizione inaspettata.*”
Despite the serious topic, his fervent reply brought a smile back to her lips. “It seems your pope considers politics as well as economics.”
“People will always defend economic theories which assume that growth will inevitably succeed in bringing about greater justice. This has never been confirmed by the facts, and expresses a crude trust in the goodness of those wielding economic power and the sacralized workings of the prevailing economic system.” He said, stopping to clasp a hand over his cross. “Meanwhile, the excluded are still waiting.”
“That doesn't sound like scripture.” She offered cautiously, as they made their way into a wider suite of offices on the second floor.
“*Esattamente* The words of Pope Francis, a good and blessed man who appointed me to my position. His successor, his holiness John Paul the Third, is much of the same mind.” Santino said quietly. “Our savior washed the feet of others and urged all to do the same. The hardest step is to be involved. To work together for change, as well as to pray. That is why I am here.
“*I pigri di cuore trovano sempre una scusa* Some Humans, they are yet angry with the Imperium. Now they have enough, they are bitter not to have plenty. For some there is never enough - the true poverty lies within their hearts,” Santino said a bit testily. “Our faith teaches us to find salvation in eternal life, but others? *Pigrizia!* They see it as an excuse from taking agency in themselves. Jesus washed the feet of others - he did not lay down and wait for someone to wash his!”
Wicama turned the unfamiliar metaphor over in her mind but decided she had the sense of it. “Sham teaches us that helping our families and one another is the same as helping ourselves. ‘The rising tide bares us all from the reefs’.” It was a matter of faith… but that was why it was faith in the first place. On the whole, it seemed like a mature perspective that explained the changes she’d seen in Prince Adam over the years. “You’re here to meet with others, but this seems as much about knowing yourselves.”
“*Sì, non è una brutta cosa avere umiltà davanti a Dio.* Human beings, while we are capable of the worst, we are also capable of choosing the good. Of rising up to make a new start. We are entering the galaxy.” He gestured out the window at the world beyond. “If not now… when?”
_ _ _ “So, when are you going to explain this masterpiece you four have been cooking up?” Marin asked. Sammi and Sam were barely awake but the twins had already arrived, bright-eyed and enthusiastic, and Marin cursed the resilience of youth. The room was acceptably warm, but Ayen had complained about the cold and used the excuse to slip back into bed. She was considering her options for joining him.
Somewhere, somehow, Sammi had found their rabbit pajamas again. “Sam, explain it to her? You do it better.” Sammi yawned, but Marin suspected it was an act. Once something got their attention, sleep was usually an afterthought.
“What, now?” Sam had barely stumbled into the room and blinked. Bleary-eyed and barely awake, he looked like he’d been ambushed, which was exactly the case.
“Pllllllleeeease…?” They sat back pulling the ears, giving their best Roger Rabbit impression. Luminous green eyes peered out at Sam, imploringly.
“Alright… I need coffee, but fine.” Sam trudged over to the kitchenette and poked listlessly at the instant coffee. It was getting perilously low, but Marin was sure he’d brought more on the ship. Eventually Sam gestured at the K’herbhal sisters with his mug. “So the girls want to create an artificial topological soliton. It's like a black hole, except where it isn't… It's sort of a kink in space-time.”
“Made you say kink!” Sammi grinned impishly and the girls blushed. Marin shook her head but paid attention. It felt far too early after another late night, but once everyone was up you had to hang on for whatever came next.
“So, what's that got to do with this… hole you want to use for power?” Marin raised her voice just enough to drag the conversation back on track.
“It’s more like a side effect. If it cuts the right angle, it goes into a realm of space-time we can tap for power. Think of it as an obverse of an energy drain, so it's like a white hole.”
“Let me guess.” Marin shook her head and grinned, holding up a hand to forestall the inevitable. “Except where it isn’t?”
“Ummm… pretty much.” Sam grumbled, blowing at his coffee. Marin glanced back at the twins. With Sam busy, the twins had gravitated to either side of Sammi. There was room left on the couch, and she wandered over to settle in beside one of them.
The Sams had been complaining for years about a lack of ‘focal power’ for their mass compression technologies, and while a rubber duck inside a diamond was impressive, they’d wanted to do something more - a lot more. She suspected if the twins were providing the means, then they already had something about to surface from the depths of their imaginations. Over the years she’d learned to pick a bit, rather than take their answers at straight value. “And if things don’t cut at the right angle? You remember how long it took to get rid of the Navy, when you started talking about making black holes?”
“It's not our fault they didn’t understand,” Sammi said defensively, crossing their arms and pouting at her before the rabbit ears fell over their face.
“Who didn’t understand what?” Akeimei yawned at the door. She cast a wink her way before wrapping her arms around Sam and gave him a quick hug. “What did I miss?”
“Umm… a parallel universe, if the math is right,” Sam mumbled from the depths of his coffee cup.
“What? Like identical versions of us?” Marin watched Akimei’s nose wrinkled at the smell before she slipped away from Sam. Slipped down beside her, they rubbed shoulders a moment. “Tell me, is there one where I get more sleep?”
“More or less identical… though it's not like you need to go into a parallel universe for that sort of thing. There’s already a ‘you’ out there somewhere right now, to say nothing of past and future ‘you’.” Sam scratched his cheek idly for a moment “It's just the math. The universe is so vast that there are exact physical cosmic twins of us out there somewhere, not to mention even more almost-twins.”
“Sam’s right!” Sammi perked up excitedly, bouncing on the sofa. “Then there are quantum cosmic twins - which gets weird because particles exist in multiple states and you’d sort of overlap… but the easiest one is probably just another us elsewhere in the universe right now! That's sort of the point where things are since the universe is bigger than you can imagine!”
“So exactly the same… or almost.” One of the twins giggled. “Just like us!”
“Pretty much,” Sam nodded, slowly emerging from the depths of his coffee. “Another you out there on another Shil, or another me on a whole Earth, even - just a little bit different.”
“What? Like an Earth that never met the Imperium?” Marin canted her head, tossing out the obvious. It was hard to remember her life before, and she didn’t want to contemplate the alternative.
“Oh, I don't like that idea.” One of the twins stuck out her lip. “We want to come to Earth!”
“Yeah,” her sister nodded, though she suddenly looked glum. “I don’t know if Professor Warrick would mind though. He’d be with his wife and daughter, there.”
“Oh…” her sister's face crumpled. “I didn’t think of it that way.”
“Well, don’t…” Sammi hugged them both a moment, though they held the first twin a bit tighter. “The point is, somewhere he’s with them right now!”
“Wow, I guess so.” she brightened. “Just imagine! A whole Earth that never met the Shil’vati!”
“I wouldn’t worry, sis.” her twin nodded. “I think Professor Warrick is pretty happy right now.”
_ _ _
“I am not happy about this!” Tom glared at his omni-pad before tossing it down in frustration.
Miv looked up at her husband.
“It’s an honor!” She tucked her chin in and gave him a long, considered look, “What is it that’s bothering you - really? It wasn't Monsignor Barcio. Are you certain this isn't the same sort of thing?”
“Yes, I’m sure!” he growled, looking away like a guilty child. “Alright, maybe… but this uniform is the silliest thing I’ve ever seen. I’ll look like a mushroom, and the hat only makes it worse!" Tom grimaced at the omni-pad accusingly, "They won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, so now I’m on the rolls as a Warden Captain - whatever that is - and this ceremony is ridiculous!”
“The ceremony is traditional. Very symbolic... Besides, they don't make wardens out of anyone below the rank of captain - I looked it up. You were one before, so it's appropriate to make you one instead of a Warden Major or Warden Colonel.” She smiled at him serenely. “Surely, it can’t be the worst thing you’ve ever done.”
He turned to wag a finger her way. “I’ll take that bet!”
“Worse than our wedding reception…?” She crooned, teasing him. “Or maybe pre-term night? I swear by the Goddess no one will pinch your ass, except for Lea and I.”
“Fine… “ Her smile grew wider as he grumbled, but he was calming down already and there wasn't heat in it. Still, he stubbornly clung on to the point a while longer. "It’s in my top five.”
“I’m sure you’ll survive, husband. Now then, I have meetings all afternoon, so why don't you finish reviewing the menu? You’ll feel better when all this is over and you can go back to cooking, chess, or starting that eeeyiy club… You might even give Ce’lani a call or message her?” She gathered her coat and smiled demurely, though it harbored nothing innocent. “If I’m not here you’ll have perfect privacy… Just don't promise anything you wouldn't promise to me.”
“It’s iai-do…” Tom groused, but he was already picking up his omni-pad.
She blew him a kiss and made her way toward the commons. Tom would probably stew a while, but he’d make the call.
There would be time to meet with Ce’lani on the common, before she had to come home for dinner.
_ _ _
Tom looked over the banquet menu as if it might reach out and bite him. The words stared up at him with perfect innocence.
Appetizer: Fruit and Cheese Platter - Slices of various cheeses and fruits on a platter providing a delicate mix of sweet, tangy and creamy to invigorate the dining experience. Serve with a selection of sweet and semi-sweet wines.
Soup: Choice of Tomato or French Onion Soup - Served with a piece of baguette and cheese.
Salad: Strawberry Salad with Poppy Seed Dressing -- an assortment of greens and fruit with a balsamic grain dressing to cleanse the palate.
Entree: Cornish Pasty - This herb-infused meat and pastry dish provides a counterpoint to the tangy taste of the salad and soup. Served with a creamy buttered mashed potato (a vegetable, humanely prepared!) with chives (also a vegetable). Served with a selection of wines or ales.
Dessert: Chef’s Sorbet Surprise - A sweet treat complemented by a palate cleanser, ending the meal on a piquant note.
His last call with Bherdin had been a trial and a half. Omni-pads were the definition of ‘high fidelity’, and hearing the little Shil’vati hyperventilate for ten minutes over the plan was pointless. At least Melondi had easier going with Vedeem on her side... one way or another this was happening.
As a final consolation, he relented on wearing matching suits. Bherdin frequently bemoaned Tom’s 'lamentable' fashion sense, and he perked up at that, promising to get him some appropriate formalwear for the occasion.
Privately, he suspected his Shil’vati friend was looking for a convenient alibi if a riot started.
In fairness, it probably wasn't a bad idea.
“Too late to use it myself…” he muttered. It wasn’t quite noon, and Miv was probably right. Instead of Chess Club or starting Iai-do practice or just cooking out at Human Food, he was stuck here at home. Miv’s place was bigger, but most of his stuff was still in boxes; it left him listless and climbing the walls. If this worked, at least things could get back to normal.
…Mostly normal…
He flipped back to the picture of the Warden uniform on his omni-pad. It was bad enough, but the hat made the whole thing look like a blue toadstool in silver filigree.
He swiped the picture away like an act of revenge, but didn’t toss the pad back on the table.
…Miv was right... and I promised to call Ce’lani…
Tom centered himself, pulling up the number. The universe was always in motion and a good Taoist accepted their part in what came. That was the lesson of ‘the Vinegar Tasters’, and it held true… The painting showed three men standing around a vat of vinegar. Each has dipped his finger into the vinegar and tasted it. The expression on each man's face showed his individual reaction.
The painting was an allegory for Confucius, Buddha, and Lao-tse. Confucius wore a sour look on his face. He believed life was out of harmony with the universe. As the second figure in the painting, Buddha had a bitter expression. Like the vinegar, life was painful and filled with attachments and desires that led to suffering. The last man, Lao-tse, was smiling at the taste. To him, harmony existed naturally and could be found by anyone at any time in any experience.
He thought about his buddy Dave. The old Marine would probably shake his head and tell him to ‘embrace the suck.’ It pretty much boiled down to the same thing.
Not that he was against calling. Miv and Lea had practically taken turns urging him on and giving their views on why it was a good idea. They hadn't harped about it, but he knew which way the wind was blowing. And Ce’lani’s message had been short, sweet in the literal sense, and the sound file she’d offered up had been…
…Pretty nice, really…
If he still said no, or decided he didn't like where this was going, they’d back his choice, of course. He didn't have a doubt in his mind… But with everything else in his life turned upside down, calling Ce’lani seemed like a calm in the eye of a storm.
…It's just a phone call. Leave the chaos at the gate…
He settled down on the couch to check his messages before giving her a call. It was nearly lunch…

His dad read in a magazine that the greenest lawns need to be watered first thing and so the sprinklers were programmed to come on very early. Carl woke to their patter and to the smell of wet grass and May blossom. Looking down, a slice of dawn light crossed the middle of the bed (right over his tummy) and he watched as strands of dust drifted through it, their spiralling, jerky motions briefly visible before they vanished into the airy space of the room on either side. At some point, he drifted back to sleep.
In the houses around him, forty or so others lay in their beds, dreaming dreams which, if you could have seen them, would have blended into a heady mix of hope and fear that hovered just above the various Groves, Avenues and Closes that made up the neighbourhood. This cloud was as real, somehow, as the birdsong flitting between the trees and the mist creeping back down the streets to the sea. Within it, promises of new lives and new lovers blended with unseen foes and inexorable catastrophes. Some confronted deeply hidden parts of themselves, manifest as dead relatives, impossible landscapes, bizarre tasks and strange entities with shifting identities. Others dreamt about nothing at all, and contributed only black streaks to the otherwise iridescent, billowing cloud.
For his part, Carl dreamt he was five years younger, learning to ride his bike. His mum was running behind him holding on to the back of the seat, giving him time to find his balance while his legs built up enough momentum to keep him upright. Then he was doing it – he was riding and it was exhilarating: a blur of light and colour and rushing air. And then, all of a sudden, he wasn’t. He was awake.
“Morning, dingus,” came a voice with a hint of amusement. Carl blinked his eyes open and stared at the boy outside the window. His hair seemed to possess a life of its own, swirling and dancing in the breeze. The boy smiled with his eyes but not his mouth and nodded toward a corner of the room. Carl followed the nod and saw a cricket ball sitting against the skirting board. “Lucky your window was open. Pass it back?” Carl looked again at the boy, still half asleep. The boy began to roll his hands with mock impatience: “You deaf or something?”
Cautiously – without a word – Carl pushed off the duvet, swung his legs over the side of the bed and dropped his feet to the carpet. He went to the corner, picked up the ball and walked it back to the window. He held it out and saw the black squiggles curving around its surface. “Who signed it?”, Carl asked. The boy didn’t answer. Instead, he grabbed the ball and ran across the lawn, disappearing into the hedges at the bottom of the garden. Carl stayed at the window for a few moments. As he stood, cool, salty air flowed past him into the room. The sprinklers pattered away.
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The houses of stood in a row like colourful blocks. Mrs Friedman moved past them slowly, eyeing each in turn. The older she got, the more her taut face struggled to conceal the many jealousies, slights and conflicts that had amassed behind it. And so, more and more often, some of the bile overflowed back into the world, escaping her thin lips as a pointed whisper or, sometimes, even a direct attack – which is what happened next.
“Have you eyes?” Her frail voice floated down the drive, weakening with every inch. It was almost imperceptible by the time it reached Mr Fuller’s ears. It was, however, just enough to make him turn around and investigate. Seeing her, he smiled and began walking toward her, wiping his palm on a rag and setting up to shake hands.
“Hi there and good morning”, he said, “I’m Paul Fuller – new to the neighbourhood and it’s very nice to meet you.”
She stared at his outstretched hand and remained perfectly still, her white-knuckled fingers wrapped around the Zimmer frame. The man’s pleasantness confounded her – as had his claim that he was new to the area (that the house had been for sale was news to her). But, after a moment’s stasis, she managed to brush all this away and gesture weakly toward the drive. She asked again, “have you eyes?”
“Excuse me, madam?”, Paul replied.
“Your weeds”, she said, raising her eyebrows to indicate the displeasure she felt at having to repeat herself.
Paul scratched the back of his head and looked at the little green shoots that were just starting to peep through the cracks in the paving stones.
“I’m almost waist deep in them.”
“Oh. We’ve just moved in.” Paul said defensively. “In fact, we’re actually still moving in”. He pointed to the delivery van parked on the drive. “But, well – I’ll get the weeds cleaned up just as soon as I can, madam.”
“Good”, she said, resuming her slow shuffle down the street. Inside a cluster of bushes, two bright eyes were fixed upon her; a little fist gripped a weighty ball.
-----------------------------------
Mrs Alleman’s hands burned pink in the washing up bowl. She’d read somewhere that, for every additional degree she could tolerate, another species of germ was eliminated. Since then, increasing the temperature had become something of a challenge. She enjoyed the sharp tingle she felt as she pushed it up a little more each day, and she believed she was approaching what was possible for a human hand to endure. Her vindication came on the rare occasions when her husband or a friend got splashed dropping in a bowl or plate, or when they tried to fish out a piece of cutlery or a utensil, and jumped back in utter shock. “The hotter it is, the cleaner it is”, she’d sing, voicing the mantra that so often cycled in her mind.
Through the steam and the droplets running down the glass, she could just about see her husband talking to the new neighbour – or rather, the neighbour talking to him. Even from across the road, her husband’s discomfort was apparent, revealing itself in his demure, slouching gait and the way he kept glancing back at the house as though worried it would vanish and leave him stranded on this earnest stranger’s lawn. Left to his own devices, she knew, it would have taken him weeks or months to introduce himself – and, even then, it would only have happened thanks to some chance encounter at the grocery store or in the park, or in some other communal space, and only if the other party initiated it.
His awkwardness endeared her. It always had. Though, seeing her husband’s vacant face staring over this stranger’s shoulder, she experienced something else – something that was getting a little more familiar these days: a smidge of annoyance, perhaps. She pushed it away, reminding herself of all the things he did for her and for their family. Sighing, she pulled her hands from the blistering water and dried them off.
“Hi there”, she shouted as she crossed the road, waving with one hand and using the other to shield her eyes from the morning sun. “Welcome to Sunningdale. We’re so glad to see someone finally move in to this beautiful house. Mr and Mrs Cartwright only put in on the market on account of her mother’s – his mother in-law’s – health, bless her, which took a real turn last year. Cancer! I know. I mean, absolutely the last thing she needed. Her husband, Mrs Cartwright’s father – Mr Cartwright’s father-in-law – died last Christmas, sadly. Yes, on Christmas day itself, which they say is a very common day to die. I’m not sure why. Something to do with being surrounded with family? Maybe. Who knows? Anyway, the only reason they moved is to be closer to her in what will most probably be her final year. They were completed devastated to lose the house, of course – their home for over twenty years. But they needed to downsize, anyway. Two birds and all that. I actually remember seeing him carry her over the threshold. And haven’t they kept it lovely? I suppose that’s one of the reasons you bought it – gosh, yes, they really did keep it lovely, didn’t they? And is there a Mrs…”
“Fuller”, Paul answered, “And no, sadly not. There used to be. But she died – three years ago. Not on Christmas day. But also of cancer. Absolutely the last thing we needed.”
Mrs Alleman’s face dropped. “Oh, gosh – I’m so sorry. How cack-handed of me.”
With a smile, Paul revealed he was type of man who could joke about his partner’s death, which was a relief to the Alleman’s in the moment, but which would cause some disquiet to both of them as they lay siltenly in their beds that night.
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LESSON 153. In my defenselessness my safety lies.
You who feel threatened by this changing world, its twists of fortune and its bitter jests, its brief relationships and all the “gifts” it merely lends to take away again; attend this lesson well. The world provides no safety. It is rooted in attack, and all its “gifts” of seeming safety are illusory deceptions. It attacks, and then attacks again. No peace of mind is possible where danger threatens thus. The world gives rise but to defensiveness. For threat brings anger, anger makes attack seem reasonable, honestly provoked, and righteous in the name of self-defense. Yet is defensiveness a double threat. For it attests to weakness, and sets up a system of defense that cannot work. Now are the weak still further undermined, for there is treachery without and still a greater treachery within. The mind is now confused, and knows not where to turn to find escape from its imaginings.
It is as if a circle held it fast, wherein another circle bound it and another one in that, until escape no longer can be hoped for nor obtained. Attack, defense; defense, attack, become the circles of the hours and the days that bind the mind in heavy bands of steel with iron overlaid, returning but to start again. There seems to be no break nor ending in the ever-tightening grip of the imprisonment upon the mind.
Defenses are the costliest of all the prices which the ego would exact. In them lies madness in a form so grim that hope of sanity seems but to be an idle dream, beyond the possible. The sense of threat the world encourages is so much deeper, and so far beyond the frenzy and intensity of which you can conceive, that you have no idea of all the devastation it has wrought.
You are its slave. You know not what you do, in fear of it. You do not understand how much you have been made to sacrifice, who feel its iron grip upon your heart. You do not realize what you have done to sabotage the holy peace of God by your defensiveness. For you behold the Son of God as but a victim to attack by fantasies, by dreams, and by illusions he has made; yet helpless in their presence, needful only of defense by still more fantasies, and dreams by which illusions of his safety comfort him.
Defenselessness is strength. It testifies to recognition of the Christ in you. Perhaps you will recall the text maintains that choice is always made between Christ’s strength and your own weakness, seen apart from Him. Defenselessness can never be attacked, because it recognizes strength so great attack is folly, or a silly game a tired child might play, when he becomes too sleepy to remember what he wants.
Defensiveness is weakness. It proclaims you have denied the Christ and come to fear His Father’s anger. What can save you now from your delusion of an angry god, whose fearful image you believe you see at work in all the evils of the world? What but illusions could defend you now, when it is but illusions that you fight?
We will not play such childish games today. For our true purpose is to save the world, and we would not exchange for foolishness the endless joy our function offers us. We would not let our happiness slip by because a fragment of a senseless dream happened to cross our minds, and we mistook the figures in it for the Son of God; its tiny instant for eternity.
We look past dreams today, and recognize that we need no defense because we are created unassailable, without all thought or wish or dream in which attack has any meaning. Now we cannot fear, for we have left all fearful thoughts behind. And in defenselessness we stand secure, serenely certain of our safety now, sure of salvation; sure we will fulfill our chosen purpose, as our ministry extends its holy blessing through the world.
Be still a moment, and in silence think how holy is your purpose, how secure you rest, untouchable within its light. God’s ministers have chosen that the truth be with them. Who is holier than they? Who could be surer that his happiness is fully guaranteed? And who could be more mightily protected? What defense could possibly be needed by the ones who are among the chosen ones of God, by His election and their own as well?
It is the function of God’s ministers to help their brothers choose as they have done. God has elected all, but few have come to realize His Will is but their own. And while you fail to teach what you have learned, salvation waits and darkness holds the world in grim imprisonment. Nor will you learn that light has come to you, and your escape has been accomplished. For you will not see the light, until you offer it to all your brothers. As they take it from your hands, so will you recognize it as your own.
Salvation can be thought of as a game that happy children play. It was designed by One Who loves His children, and Who would replace their fearful toys with joyous games, which teach them that the game of fear is gone. His game instructs in happiness because there is no loser. Everyone who plays must win, and in his winning is the gain to everyone ensured. The game of fear is gladly laid aside, when children come to see the benefits salvation brings.
You who have played that you are lost to hope, abandoned by your Father, left alone in terror in a fearful world made mad by sin and guilt; be happy now. That game is over. Now a quiet time has come, in which we put away the toys of guilt, and lock our quaint and childish thoughts of sin forever from the pure and holy minds of Heaven’s children and the Son of God.
We pause but for a moment more, to play our final, happy game upon this earth. And then we go to take our rightful place where truth abides and games are meaningless. So is the story ended. Let this day bring the last chapter closer to the world, that everyone may learn the tale he reads of terrifying destiny, defeat of all his hopes, his pitiful defense against a vengeance he can not escape, is but his own deluded fantasy. God’s ministers have come to waken him from the dark dreams this story has evoked in his confused, bewildered memory of this distorted tale. God’s Son can smile at last, on learning that it is not true.
Today we practice in a form we will maintain for quite a while. We will begin each day by giving our attention to the daily thought as long as possible. Five minutes now becomes the least we give to preparation for a day in which salvation is the only goal we have. Ten would be better; fifteen better still. And as distraction ceases to arise to turn us from our purpose, we will find that half an hour is too short a time to spend with God. Nor will we willingly give less at night, in gratitude and joy.
Each hour adds to our increasing peace, as we remember to be faithful to the Will we share with God. At times, perhaps, a minute, even less, will be the most that we can offer as the hour strikes. Sometimes we will forget. At other times the business of the world will close on us, and we will be unable to withdraw a little while, and turn our thoughts to God.
Yet when we can, we will observe our trust as ministers of God, in hourly remembrance of our mission and His Love. And we will quietly sit by and wait on Him and listen to His Voice, and learn what He would have us do the hour that is yet to come; while thanking Him for all the gifts He gave us in the one gone by.
In time, with practice, you will never cease to think of Him, and hear His loving Voice guiding your footsteps into quiet ways, where you will walk in true defenselessness. For you will know that Heaven goes with you. Nor would you keep your mind away from Him a moment, even though your time is spent in offering salvation to the world. Think you He will not make this possible, for you who chose to carry out His plan for the salvation of the world and yours?
Today our theme is our defenselessness. We clothe ourselves in it, as we prepare to meet the day. We rise up strong in Christ, and let our weakness disappear, as we remember that His strength abides in us. We will remind ourselves that He remains beside us through the day, and never leaves our weakness unsupported by His strength. We call upon His strength each time we feel the threat of our defenses undermine our certainty of purpose. We will pause a moment, as He tells us, “I am here.”
Your practicing will now begin to take the earnestness of love, to help you keep your mind from wandering from its intent. Be not afraid nor timid. There can be no doubt that you will reach your final goal. The ministers of God can never fail, because the love and strength and peace that shine from them to all their brothers come from Him. These are His gifts to you. Defenselessness is all you need to give Him in return. You lay aside but what was never real, to look on Christ and see His sinlessness.

My best friend (30, F) has been seeing this walking red flag of a human being (M, 30?) for going on 5 years now. We have had several drunken meltdowns about this person and she is suffering. I hate to see her like this and I'm at a complete loss for what to do or how best to support her.
They met on Bumble and hit it off right away. I should note: my best friend, lets call her Sookie, had recently come back from New Zealand after living there for a number of years and leaving a heartache behind there. THis was the first time she'd ever tried dating in a super serious way and tried the apps to get her going. The bf, lets call him Jim, was the first person she forged a really strong connection with and they did start seeing each other. I WISH I'd asked her to save some pictures on his Bumble profile, for future relevance, but i didn't ...
Jim lives an hour and a half away from Sookie and when they met, it seemed to be always on his availability and he would never stay the night (and to this day has only stayed over with her twice). Once, he went on an overnight stay with her to London, which took a lot of encouraging and delicate negotiation from Sookie's part, and he was apparently so miserable on day two from "being away from his family" that they had to get an early train home. The second time happened relatively recently and he stayed over at her new house. Jim had to bail on Sookie on New Years Eve 2019 for a planned little get-together Sookie had arranged, and it's only then (5 months into their relationship) that she discovered he had a son. SOmething came up with the son, lets call him Jack, and that meant he couldn't meet her for NYE. At the time Jack was 6.
Jim and Jack's mum didn't apparently end well. He has alluded to some abuse going on from the Mum to Jack and also has insinuated that she is mentally ill and unstable. Jack lives with Jim and he "can't remember the last time Jack's mum saw him. I don't deal with that stuff". As the child of divorced parents, I know that in the UK its very difficult for the Dad to get complete parental responsibility and for Mum to have almost no contact seems to me to be a bit strange. Also, his comment of "I don't deal with that stuff" is a bit odd. I mean.... you don't deal with the dates/times of when your son, who lives with you, sees his mother? Seems very strange.
Sookie also found out, two years into the relationship, that Jim and Jack's mother aren't actually divorced and are still, in fact, legally married. He claims he can't "afford" to start divorce proceedings. However, Jim claims he has a fairly well-paid job.
The times bewteen when Sookie and Jim can meet seem to get longer and longer, and she has to resort to meeting in car parks for a few hours or sometimes going months without seeing him. They do message regularly and call often, but Sookie tells me she can count the number of times they have Face-Timed on one hand. COVID in the middle of the relationship did not help, and after London, Sookie thought they might be turning a corner with the "staying over" issue. But alas, no.
One of the hugest red-flags, in my opinion, is SOOKIE DOES NOT KNOW WHERE THIS MAN LIVES. He refuses to tell her his address as he says "it makes him feel unsafe". He apparently lives with his parents as after the separation from Jack's mum, he needed a place to stay, and I thought maybe it was an embarrassment issue or a politeness thing of not wanting to give out his parent's address. But after five years of seeing someone, surely you've ascertained whether there a nutcase or not... Jim also seems to taunt her with this information, sending her pictures of his front door and his Tiktok account (which I found when trying to go Detective on this bloke) clearly shows the interior and gardens of this house to the whole world. I have reccomended driving to his town and forcing a confrontation with him over this issue, but Sookie thinks that this would cause him to shut down.
In desperation, Sookie once asked Jack "where do you live?" and he responded "in my house!" Sookie then asked him "where do you sleep?" and Jack said "in my bed!". When Sookie asked him "where does Daddy sleep?", Jack said "In mummy and daddy's bed." THIS IS IMPORTANT, REMEMBeR THIS FOR LATER.
His mental health seems very poor. Sookie tells me he is constantly complaining of high-stress from his job, his son, his living conditions and he tends to spiral into negative thoughts. When he is in a 'bad place' then he can be very hard to talk to. Jack is not great in school and often has explosive moments that Jim finds difficult to deal with. Sookie thinks she is helping Jim with this stress by encouraging him to take time off work and look after himself. She is deeply worried that, if she were to leave him, he would spiral out of control and have a massive breakdown.
On social media, this man is a classic Catfish. His FB has no cover photo, half a cropped and low-res picture, one friend (who is Sookie) and no followers. I have sent a request to him (as I met him when we went to London) but he did not accept. Instagram is a similar issue: no posts (all aparently 'archived'), no picture and a few more followers which all seem to be other girls. Sookie doesn't know the names of any of his friends and all of his family also seem to be MIA on social media too. I have tried searching for the name Sookie has given me on LinkedIn, I tried googling his phone number, and I even looked in the damned yellow pages for him or the suppposed names of his family. All have turned up blank. I'm beginning to doubt if the name he's given her is genuine at all.
They did break up for 7 months or so, but they remained talking when Sookie went back on the apps. I don't envy her, as the men she met during this time were utter sleaze-balls, time-wasters and dickheads. I secretly hoped she'd meet someone amazing and then she'd see just how awful Jim had been. But after the bad run of Britain's finest fuckers, she got back together with him about 2 months ago. Sookie did tell me that she had demands in place for if and when she got back together with Jim, telling her where he lived for one, but it seems that she didn't enforce this when they rekindled the relationship.
In my opinion, I think this guy is still living with Jack's mother and my friend Sookie is 'the other woman'. Or he is hiding a massive secret from her in some way. The comment from Jack about "mummy and daddy's bed" might be a leftover memory of when they were together, or it was a child being honest! And since Sookie hasn't seen Jack for over two years now, I wonder if it's because Jim couldn't pass off Jack giving the game away as 'children saying silly things'.
Sookie is miserable. She hoped that this time around things would be different, but he's back to minimal visits and bailing on her at the last minute. He puts in little to no effort and is continuing to be a massive dissappointment. She is lonely most nights with only Jim's messages to keep her company. In my opinion, it isn't a relationship. He comes round when he can get away from whatever's going on at his house, fucks her, and leaves. Jim has asked her to 'wait for him' until he can get his shit together, and he seems to be of the opinion that in a year and a half he, Jack and Sookie will all be living with her in her new house as a happy family! Ambitious, given the fact that the last time they saw each other was in April...
I really don't know what to do for Sookie or how best to help her. I am being honest with her, but I clearly see that she adores the guy and what woman out there hasn't overlooked a red flag for someone they love? But Jim doesn't just have one red flag, he is a living, walking one!
Women of Reddit, help me out. I hate that this guy is making her miserable.
​
TL;DR! I think my Best Friend's "boyfriend" is a massive Catfish and is using her as the other woman. Help

Please post your simple success stories in the comments.
Old Weekly Success Stories Threads
Below is the FAQs for anyone looking to learn more about Neville and this sub.
Are you new to Neville Goddard or still struggling with some of the basics for manifesting? Then start here. Read this post in full and if you still have questions feel free to post them in the comments.
This entire post and the links included should be read before you begin.
It is recommended you read Neville's books and a great lecture series to start with is the five lessons. There is a wealth of information in his works.
Feeling is the Secret
At Your Command
Awakened Imagination and the Search
Freedom for All
Out of this World
Prayer, the art of believing
Seedtime and Harvest
The Law and the Promise
The Power of Awareness
Your Faith is your Fortune
Lesson 1
Lesson 2
Lesson 3
Lesson 4
Lesson 5
Lessons Q and A
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You can read more here and here.
What this sub is for:

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Frequently Asked Questions
Can I manifest XYZ? Is anything possible?
Yes, anything is possible.
Neville's lecture All things are Possible
How do I manifest XYZ?
All manifestations use the same technique(s). To get good simply takes practice and imagination.
Imagining Creates
Here are great posts to review:
Complete list of techniques
How to perfectly use the law
Neville's technique for manifesting
How often should I visit my scene? How many times should I loop the scene?
There is no hard and fast rule, you want your short scene to feel natural - you are what you are conscious of being.
Reminder that there is no hard and fast rule
What is SATS?
State Akin to Sleep (SATS) refers to the deep state of consciousness during meditation or just before falling asleep. In SATS, the body is relaxed, but control over the mind is retained. It is used to create vivid visualizations in imagination for the purposes of manifesting.
After you have decided on the action which implies that your desire has been realized, then sit in your nice comfortable chair or lie flat on your back, close your eyes for the simple reason it helps to induce this state that borders on sleep. The minute you feel this lovely drowsy state, or the feeling of gathered togetherness, wherein you feel- I could move if I wanted to, but I do not want to, I could open my eyes if I wanted to, but I do not want to. When you get that feeling you can be quite sure that you are in the perfect state to pray successfully.
What is an SP?
Specific person, usually a crush. There is a group specifically for SP related content, nevillegoddardsp
How to manifest your SP
Assuming a feeling to get your SP
What is the Lullaby Method?
In SATS, instead of visualizing, repeat an affirmation to oneself again and again, building the feeling of it being true.
What is Revision?
Revision is revising in imagination events that have happened in the past as a way of mitigating their effects in the future.
The Pruning Shears of Revision
What is Door Slamming/You are in Barbados/Living in the End/State of the Wish Fulfilled?
Closing your mind to any other possibility besides your outcome. Assuming your desire is true and not questioning it.
Do we have free will?
Free will is your will to chose whatever state you desire. Every state exists. You read more here
What is a state?
A state is an assumption. Your concept of self.
Many Mansions
Perfect Image
Occupy a State
What does it mean to capture the feeling?
How would you feel if you had your desire now? That’s the feeling.
Helpful post on the feeling
Can I manifest multiple things at once?
Yes. Please see question #5 in Lessons Q&A for more information.

A lot of recent news again, so here's a link to a megathread!
For all the new folks seeing one of our posts for the first time:
Hello, this is Dylan from this project, dedicated to creating real-life robots of the animatronics of the Five Nights At Freddy’s franchise.
Here, we post our short little monthly update in regards to the progress of our robot(s). Enjoy!

ROBOT!

May 3 – Knee motor has been made to work after days of tuning, reassembling and remounting to the leg. Next step was to figure out if the piston in the knee, if it can be made to work with the design or should be left out instead. The reason why it took days to make the knee motor work is that it being connected to the 90 degree gearbox likely introduced some sort of odd resistance to it when it was mounted a little off, so once it was remounted to the knee, it seemed to work perfectly fine after.
May 24 - A full leg, being prepared for testing, more thorough tests will be necessary later on, as the bench the knee is currently located on, is not suitable to clamp down parts to proper test the lifting off of the limb sections, as it would just buckle.
May 30 - MyActuator's predesigned actuators have arrived, here are some comparison pictures to our own 3D printed ones. These will be used for the knee and ankle/toe joint.
That’s all for this monthly roundup. If you like what you see in these posts, or what you see from us in general, tell your friends and donate Here if you can. Every little penny helps the robot. Hope to see you all at the end of the month!