Rent to own homes concord

Hello guys. I finally got rifaximin for hydrogen SIBO, I did not start using it yet. I am a bit afraid because I have a lot of things to take care od in the next couple of days, and I've read a lot of comments here on reddit that people got lots of diarrhea from rifaximin. And I got the advice from a reddit user that loperamide is not a great solution during treatment. I have problems with diarrhea as is, but I am affraid rifaximin will make it worse and I am sure you all who suffer from this, know what it is like to be affraid to even leave your home sometimes, because of diarrhea. I've been dealing with this for 2.5 years now, and I am afraid the 3 weeks of treatment might be the worst.
Is it possible to go through rifaximin treatment without a lot of diarrhea? And if you do get it, when does it usually happen? Is it more common after meals or does it just occur at random times? What is your experience? And how did you deal with it?
Thank you.

Question of the Day: To those who are working from home, has flexible time or unemployed, how do you spice up your routine? How do you keep yourself sane from your everyday usual routine? Care to share some of what you do or tips?

Trans: gaslit and stepped on until they are forced to claw their own way out of hell

Please help! Tonight I came home to my dendrobates tinctorius deceased. I built my viv back in February and it was all great, everything stabilized and I had frogs in March, unfortunately plants slowly began to die one by one, at first I brushed it off and the frogs were very active, slowly and surely plants died until I finally ordered some new stuff last night, I didn’t think it had gotten that bad yet but I guess not. I just need help understanding what went wrong so that I dont make the same mistake next time.

I currently own an 8bitwired pro 2 controller that I have been using for sfv I do have some gripes it the dpad is serviceable and does what it needs to do but I am looking to replace it do to the caps on the triggers breaking off. I'd prefer not to have triggers in general because it makes it difficult to do stuff like v-trigger for example
I would like to just have a 4 button layout as I grew up on playstation controllers and prefer analogs at the bottom.
I've looked in to razer raion, hori fighting commander octa, hori fighting commander switch.
I was originally going to go for the razer because of the microswitch dpad but it is a ps4 controller and I suppose it wont be a problem since I'll be play most of my fighting games on steam which will have built in drivers for playstation controllers but it seems like such a waste to get a playstation controller for $100 that can only play on steam and I dont own a ps4
The hori octa has so many mixed reviews that even though its has a PC version im hesistant to try it out the main gripe being that the dpad is "horrible" as many people have stated if someone has it and thinks it has a serviceable dpad I would love to hear it because this would be my go to if not for the reviews
People love the hori fighting commander and the only one being sold right now is the switch version which once again steam will have native support being its only 35 dollars seems like the best deal as far as I can tell because a lot of people put it above the raion being that isnt native PC i feel this is the best currently
I dont like the 8bit m30 because the button size looks so very different and I wouldn't mind a ps4 controller but it is 60 dollars for a non native controller with triggers that I dont want when I'm playing fighting games but if its that much head and shoulders above the competition I dont mind. I think the vitrix blg pro looks good but 180 is more than I'm willing to spend on a controller currently.
If anyone has any controller native PC or xbox because xbox controllers will work on PC without any additionaly hoops please help me out!
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TL;DR
Looking to replace my 8bitwired pro 2 my biggest concerns are a good dpad, Id rather not have triggers meaning I want a button for l2 and r2 and if its going to be expensive having native pc support would be extremely nice

I'm visiting New York and I'll be staying for about a month. I want to have a car as I'll have my family with me, but the prices are too high. $1500 to rent a camry for 30 days?
Is there a cheaper way to get a car for a month?

Does anyone have personal faves for lightweight sunscreens that aren’t incredibly sticky?? I’m super weird about textures and have my own personal favorites, but just wanted to see if someone has better options!😊

The bang was just walking around with wagog and firewood shooting random stuff for shit and giggles until a portal appeared.
Another Lord evil and wagog walked out of the portal and the bang was surprised except Lord evil, the wagogs looked identical while the Lord evil which came out of the portal was a bit taller and had the number one on his shirt.
Lord evil approached his other self.
Lord evil:hello me.
AU Lord evil:hello faker.
Lord evil:so what does bring the original Lord evil here.
The bang was surprised by that revelation.
OG Lord evil:well you see Lord evil me and some other variations of me decided to make a league.
DBmlore Lord evil (the one I have been using this whole time):what do you mean by that.
OG Lord evil:I mostly would just skip over most versions of me but you are different from them, and because your different from the other carbon copies of me I want you to join my council of Lords evil, so what do you say.
DBmlore Lord evil:and how am I different from the others.
OG Lord evil:well first of all you have a team while I have only my henchman wagog, second of all most versions of me don't use shrinking technology, your shorter than me which is a bit weird because every Lord evil is a alternate version of me from another universe, you also seem to be a bit too aggressive compared to the others most of us are aggressive but not on that level, also it's kinda going to be like the illuminati from marvel but everyone is Lord evil from different dimensions. So what do you say.
DBmlore Lord evil:yea I join you.
OG Lord evil:good decision, here take this.
the OG Lord hands over a number to the DBmlore one.
DBmlore Lord evil:what the hell am I supposed to do with a number if we both are going to be in different universes.
OG Lord evil:don't worry about that I have technology for that.
????:could I possibly join your little council.
Both Lord evil's look towards the source of that voice and it's revealed to be archie red.
Archie:hello there, I would like to join your little council so we can destroy everything together.
OG Lord evil:first of all your not Lord evil so you can't join, second of all its not even the goal of the council besides who the fuck are you.
Archie:my name is Archie red also known as the red cowboy.
OG Lord evil:who normal names their child Archie and what the hell is that lastname couldn't your family get a little bit more creative, also knights are much cooler than cowboys.
DBmlore Lord evil:yea cowboys were only active during a short period while knights were peak of humanity.
Archie:it's funny how you consider one of the worst periods in human history as the peak, atleast we didn't die to a plague caused by the mongols.
Lord(s) evil(s) start to argue with Archie red while the bang and OG wagog watch.
DBmlore wagog:so how different are you from me, how many things you ate.
OG wagog:well I don't eat much things I prefer to just cover myself in the blood of my enemies, so I'm guessing you eat a lot.
DBmlore wagog:yea I was made in a lab to represent the deadly sin of gluttony.
OG wagog:I was just made in a lab without any purpose.
DBmlore wagog:okay, did you also fight a ginger.
OG wagog:no but I did fight some monkey with a staff, and I lost.
DBmlore wagog:ha you lost to a monkey.
OG wagog:it wasn't a normal monkey it was sun wukong.
DBmlore wagog:who? I have never heard of him, meh must be some random.
OG wagog:we will see when you fight him, anyways want to hit me with your strongest lighting strike.
Dbmlore wagog:hell yeah I want.
Wagog hits his alternate counterpart with his strongest lighting strike and his alternate universe self is unfazed.
OG wagog:I can absorb electricity and lighting and it makes me stronger.
Dbmlore wagog:well I can eat magic and it also boost me.
OG wagog:want to continue hitting me with your lighting strikes.
Dbmlore wagog:Yes.
Wagog starts to hit his alternate self with lighting repeatedly as Salazar and firewood watch from afar.
Salazar:this is really getting weird, we should go.
Firewood:okay, can we buy ice cream on the way home.
Salazar:sure why not.
???? :allow me to join you.
Salazar and firewood look around and to their surprise it was Joe Biden (I have no idea how to end this tale).
Salazar:holy hell Joe Biden the president of the United States of America is that really you.
Firewood:oh my god it's the gaming guy from YouTube.
Joe Biden:yes it's me I'm Joe Biden, my Biden senses went off when I heard someone mention ice cream so I used my speed to get there.
Salazar:okay Mr President I will pay for anything.
Joe Biden:do now worry about that with my authority I can get almost any ice cream I want, I will get chocolate chip ice cream for everyone.
Salazar and firewood went with Joe Biden to buy ice cream while the others continued to do their stuff for hours before they all went home.
Author's note:
I have no idea how to end this hence why Joe Biden appeared

Question of the Day: To those who are working from home, has flexible time or unemployed, how do you spice up your routine? How do you keep yourself sane from your everyday usual routine? Care to share some of what you do or tips?

A few months ago I dropped everything I had (my job, my dogs, my family) to move abroad and married my husband. We've been together for about 7 years before and met when I was studying overseas.
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My husband is an only child & had never lived on his own. Before we got married, I made it very clear to him that I do not wish to live with the in-laws. I feel that as a young family, we need to figure things out and have our space. He agreed.
Little did I know, he's currently paying for the house his parents live in and it's a little tight to move out. I wished I could help, but I haven't had any luck finding a new job in a new country.
His parents are okay, I just found my MIL frustrating because she criticized the way I do things around the house. I have no space to put my stuff away, and they all ended up behind the door. She complained that I was messy. She doesn't like to cook (again, because it's messy) nor likes it when I cook. We eat out all the time and it's messing up my metabolism. She 'mocked' me for asking my husband to wash the dishes (we agreed on splitting chores) because apparently "I was there to wash dishes for him".
There's also almost no privacy, my MIL follows us out almost all the time, or barged into his workroom when we're having a conversation, only to "mock" me or cut our (private) conversation.
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I only have one friend here who's moving abroad in two months for a job. I am currently unemployed & I have no car to get out of the house when it's too much, and the house is a bit far out so it's as difficult to access public transport. I miss my home, I really wanted to go back but I don't want to give my in-laws the wrong impression.
I tried telling my husband about my frustration, but either he shuts down completely or said the same thing about being tight financially & can't afford to move out.
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Does anyone ever felt this way? How do you deal with living with your in-laws, or even convince your SO to move out?
TL;DR I (27f) dropped everything I had in my home country to move abroad and be with my husband (28m). We are currently living with his parents and I'm losing my mind. I'm so frustrated and so lonely. Just wanted to ask for any advise or words of encourgament I guess...

Question for anyone. I am over 3months past my anniversary date. I called Amex asking them where my FNC is? The operator then opened up a claim to figure out what the issue is(were a week past that). My question is, can Amex simply refuse to honor their free night certificate despite all requirements being met? Is there some rule that they could deny my FNC because my annual fee is waived due to being military? Is there a formal process of filing a complaint against Amex for not honoring their own benefits & possibly discriminating against active service members?

So about a month ago, I took a job as a personal care attendant supervisor for old and disabled people. I’ve done this kind of work before, so I knew going in that part of being a supervisor would include “On Call”which would basically be responding to emergencies after hours. During the interview I asked how the on-call work, the person who interviewed me, the owner, insisted that on-call rotates, which I agreed with. No biggie.
Turns out there are other problems with the place: the company basically it’s a shit show, people calling in left and right, people clocking in and leaving, no actual schedule, condescending mean boss who’s not only mean, but incompetent, she’s the changing the rules left and right, then denying they ever were the way the straw that broke the camels back for me is on-call.
I’ve worked this kind of job before and with round the clock care and clients that can’t be left alone, a manager needs to be on-call 24/7, which is fine, but my previous company rotated it.
During office hours, you dealt with your own clients emergencies. After hours the person on call does. Sure if that person had a case they didn’t know much about, you could help, but it was by phone. And that was supposed to be more of a courtesy, not a requirement. Didn’t matter who’s case it was. If a staff no call no showed and you couldn’t find coverage last minute, the on call person covered the shift.
But not here. While I was told in the interview it rotates. I learn now, the only thing that rotates is the actual phone. The company is “too big” for anyone person to handle emegencies. So if someone gets a call and it’s not their clients emergency, the correct case manager is called and helps handle it. Okay, fine. Here’s the thing, if someone actually has to report in person to cover a shift. It’s not the person on call but whoever the case belongs too. So even if I’m not on all. If the Saturday night overnight staff doesn’t show up, the person who the case belongs to has to go. And if they refuse. The person on shift who leaves still gets in trouble but we could catch a whole neglect charge because those clients aren’t supposed to be left alone.
I think that’s dogshit. Because that means at any moment I can get a call, have to drop what I’m doing and cover a shift NO MATTER WHAT!
When I brought this up to my manager she said “well find e coverage and you won’t have to go. And “yeah but we barely have 24 hour clients”
Oh yeah? Well I’ve been here a month and already had to work a 12 hour shift, it wasn’t on the spot and it happened to be during my first on-call rotation. Long story short, a time off request fell through the cracks.
But anway, I want to fucking quit. Being on call is no fun, but I can handle 1 out of every 4 weeks but not 24/7. It doesn’t matter if it happens once a year. It COULD happen at any point. Which makes me feel like I’m never truly off. Especially with the turn over rate at this place. These workers make $9-$12 an hour. They dgaf, they the place is short staffed and unorganized. So they know if they do no call no show, if they know a handful of clients, turn their paperwork in and do a good job, nothing will happen other than maybe some rudeness from one of us.
This is no way to fucking live. I can’t leave town to go see my family/friends (which I do once or twice a month, I moved to this city a year or two ago so all my people live about an hour a half away) no vacations, no drinking, no anything that would inhibit me from our hour window of being able to report to whatever clients house. Hell sleeping can be stressful because I could a call at 3 AM from an overnight staff deciding to leave for whatever reason. You couldn’t tack a couple of 0’s on my salary for me to agree to that. Sure is shit not cool with making 55k a year doing that.
Is this that unreasonable though? Some say, that’s a pretty intense reaction because someone MIGHT call out one night and you’d have to go. But to me, that’s just fucking huge abs I want the fuck away from this place. If the cost of living wasn’t so high and I know I could get another job making at least $25 an hour, I’d put my notice in tomorrow. But unfortunately that’s not an option for me.

I have been working from home for last 3.5 years, and I think my mental health is deteriorating every day, i am less motivated, becoming an expert at procrastination, wanting to change my life but feel stuck and trapped, anger issues, drinking issues.
Am I the only one? Does anyone else living through this? I want to change my job but dont think anyone else would pay me this much.
If someone can feel me please reachout would like to know how to come out of this.

Hello everyone,
My mom is 52 and wants to return to the workforce ideally in an assembly line-type of job, but is struggling, mainly due to uncertainty of making a resume
To summarize, she is originally from Kazakhstan but is now a U.S. citizen and speaks Russian, Kazakh & English fluently.
She has a Master's degree in Computer Engineering from a university in Kazakhstan, and worked as an engineer from 1994-2002. However, since moving to America in 2003, she has been a stay-at-home mom. 5 years ago she started selling her own pottery works online and at local craft shows to make some extra money. She had an assembly line job in high school, but I feel like that is too long ago to mention and also lacks proof
I don't know how to help her format her resume. How should she deal with the fact that the industry she wants to work in is vastly different from her past careers? Any advice on how to present the jobs? Also, how should she present her gap in employment to look the most favorable?
Any help would be SO MUCH appreciated, as I am also very unsure about the nature of job hunting in the United States and trying to do my best LOL

My apologies for not posting this in Spanish, I’m not that fluent in it.
I know there is some justified animosity for citizens of the US coming to Mexico, working remotely, and living life on easy mode with the lower cost of life. I may be a part of the problem, and I’m gauging the extent of my trespass.
Bit of background:
My parents are from poor villages in Michoacán and lived horrendously impoverished lives. They immigrated to the US illegally, had 4 kids , and eventually became US citizens. Needless to say, we were poor as a family, and are only marginally better off now.
To make a long story short, I joined the Army, got my bachelors, working on my masters in a tech field. I’m interested in immigrating to Mexico City while working remote to have a better life.
My parents raised us speaking in Spanish and we would respond in English. As such, my understanding of Spanish is OK, but my ability to speak it needs a lot of improvement. So in terms of an outsider moving to your country and doesn’t even speak the language, I think I’m guilty.
The twist:
1st genners like me are eligible for Mexican citizenship, and I’ve already hired lawyers to complete this process for me. In the eyes of the law, I will be a full Mexican citizen.
I’m aware that I don’t know what it’s like to be a Mexican living in México. I will never know that struggle, and I’m under no illusion that our shared ethnicity is not equivalent to shared nationality.
I want to improve my quality of life, own property, and help my parents not work until they die by moving them over one day.
The Verdict: Tengo nopal en frente? You tell me. Am I the same as the other colonizers for moving to CDMX while working remote?

Over the summer term (4months, 1st year university going to 2nd, Mechanical Engineering) I have/am building a small window cleaning company projected around ~5 employees and 20k projected revenue with around 50ish contacts by end of summer.
Asked my Dad (Sr Bank Manager) on advice on how to fit this into my resume/linkedin to better land a high quality internship 3rd (or even 2nd) year. His point was that employers will see my experience in owning that small business as disloyalty to the current company/career path and that window cleaning does not have much hard-skill relation to mechanical engineering suggesting that I am not fully commited to mechanical engineering (negative in employers eye) for the time-frame of co-op to fresh grad (and to include that business owning experience when I reach 5 YOE looking for team lead roles)
Alot of the co-op descriptions have listed vague "leadership" and "teamwork" traits as being desirable in student canidates.
Im looking to apply for mechanical engineering co-ops in large industry leadenamebrand companies. Aside from project management intern roles, Is my father right or which angle should I write my business experience with on Linkedin and Resume (perhaps only mention it exclusively in a cover letter, if anyone even bothers to read it)

So good news in real world Washington as the House voted to pass the bill that would suspend the debt ceiling. The bill is now headed to the Senate where it is expected to pass quickly and make it to the President’s desk before the June 5 Treasury deadline.
Still, it was a close battle and it reminded me a lot of Haffley’s showdown with the Bartlett administration over the budget in Season 5. Did anyone else draw this same comparison and what do we think this situation would look like if there had been a similar fight between Bartlett and Haffley over their own debt ceiling?

hink) who prefers to wear feminine clothing, and I personally feel that it's nothing to be ashamed of and it's one of the things I enjoy, but lately I just haven't really enjoyed it as much as I want to after a few comments from a friend of mine. It all started last month when another friend brought up the fact that I owned skirts and wore them, and then another friend of mine seemed just not disgusted by it, like he didn't react to it with any strong emotions; he just seemed to very heavily dislike the idea. I at first thought that he was doing this for a bit, you know, "What you wear in skirts, wtf man?" but I soon realized that he just felt it was the same as me, maybe talking about a fetish or something, and so I stopped talking about it. A few weeks later, I was recovering from a recent depressive episode and was bringing up how I would like to do a photo shoot while wearing feminine clothing outside and how I thought it would be fun, and he responded with "You could have said anything else, but you just didn't." In his defense, he did not know about my spiraling because I tend to keep it to myself, but it was a huge blow to me and I just didn't mention it at all. Later last week we were playing some stellaris, and due to my lack of Internet (due to renovations) I had to be at his place, and one of my friends (the same one that brought it up originally) told him he was lucky I was not in feminine clothing jokingly (it started because I was using owo as a password for the server), and I jokingly said that I could go home and pick some up, and he was very much against that. Now I know he is entitled to his own feelings and opinions, but I just kind of feel it harder for me to be myself and explore my gender and shit, especially with my feeling that there might be a chance that I could be trans (not because I wear feminine clothing; there is more to it than I want to go into here), but yeah. Am I overeating and seeing stuff that isn't there?

My last day is approaching soon. My boss asked me to extend my notice period by a week or two weeks since they don't have the replacement trained completely.
I've already signed a contract with the new company to start soon. My partner thinks I don't owe my current company shit and it's their own fault.
Would it be prudent to ask the new company to move my starting date? I don't want to stay honestly but I keep feeling like I owe my employer that much. Also, I don't want to burn my bridges completely.
Both companies are small startups. No proper HR in place or anything like that so I don't think getting the contract amended would be an issue. I just want to know whether I'd be sabotaging my chances with the new company if I ask them to move the date.

If one more person tells her that she is a great mommy I am going to puke. Poor Connie is neglected more the twins. They aren't potty trained, they are speech delayed, you name it. Yes, you are always home with your kids, but you won't allow people to keep them because they will report you to cps! She said Brandon and his dad don't get along. I bet you that his whole family hates her. But, Brandons family could have a relationship with their grandbabies. They are non existent in the girls lives. Maybe because of Alora, maybe not, but those 3 kids need more people advocating for them. Could you imagine having Alora as your daughter in law or sister in law? Gah! I am not the bigger person, I would straight up throw hands. I would go get the girls and refuse to give them back until they get these girls up to par. A new house they can actually move around in. Get them potty trained, get an occupational therapist in for the speech. Put poor Connie on a kid friendly diet of some sort. I think she eats her emotions and that's so sad. But she is going to be obese like their mom if they don't get her under control now. I think Connie is the cutest one. I go in the lives and always say Where is Connie? where is Connie? Etc ..I never get an answer. I am a foster mother of 15 years. I have had all types of children. I have a sibling group now, 7, 12 and 14. The moms new husband killed their mom, their aunt, and Aunts boyfriend. Kids were at school. He stole a car and had a shoot out with cops. They shot him, he recovered and is going to trial soon. So, my point is. These children have no behaviors. They are on anxiety meds now. They are jumpy, but are respectful and are sweet to all. Now. I have had children that came from the background like Aloras kids. Neglect, filth, possibly abused, no doc appointments if sick, just general neglect. They are the hardest kids to raise! They are used to that type of life, so they don't understand structure and how s family dynamic is. We sit at tables to eat. Yes you will shower. No you can't go outside to poop! We have toilet in the house. No you can't sleep ok the floor or couch. You have a nice warm bed waiting for you with a night light. That's what her kids will be if they were taken you would see just how neglected they really are 😭😭

I’m in California and was violently assaulted by a client in November 2022, which caused a physical neck and back injury and severe PTSD. The assault was witnessed by multiple people, including my direct supervisor.
My initial claim was quickly accepted (though it took a full month of me advocating for a psych eval - I am a therapist and diagnose PTSD regularly, so I was very aware of what my trauma response symptoms were following the assault and knew I needed immediate treatment to improve my recovery chances.) I was on modified duty for several months following the assault but eventually my agency forced me to go on a leave of absence as they no longer wished to accommodate my work restrictions.
My TTD payments began a week later and I have been receiving them since March 2023.
Due to the poor psych treatment I was receiving (through Concentra - a 25 minute appointment every 8 weeks that was supposed to be adequate to treat crippling PTSD) I hired an attorney. When talking to the attorney, he asked me about secondary injuries related to the PTSD - I have had increased headaches due to jaw clenching, my IBD (diagnosed in 2019, long before the assault) has been flaring like crazy due to the impact of stress on my digestion, and I am having major issues with sleep due to nightmares chronic insomnia directly related to the assault. I also have developed serious back and neck pain related to sleeping on my couch for 6 months. I haven’t been able to sleep in my bed as I can only sleep when I can see both entrances to my apartment - it’s part of the hypervigilance of PTSD.
I have been coping with these additional issues on my own because I didn’t know I was supposed to or allowed to bring them up to the psych doctor (though my primary care doctor is aware at least of the couch sleeping, as is the psych I was assigned).
My attorney submitted a claim for these secondary injuries shortly after I hired him a couple weeks ago.
Today I received a letter from the insurance adjuster stating that my current TTD payments will be delayed until these additional claims can be verified with a deposition.
They already accepted the initial claim and have been paying me for it. Why do these secondary claims justify delaying my current payments? I live alone and am dependent on these payments to pay my bills.
I’m reaching out to my lawyer in the morning but would appreciate any insight you might be able to offer.

Hey everyone!
I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this but I wanted some advice on a situation with a friend.
So background context:
I (18F) am entering university this September, and am feeling pretty conflicted about my relationship with my best friend (18F) and I don't know how to handle it. Initially, I assumed she would be going to another university, so we could just drift apart and I could maintain a casual relationship with her. However, it appears to be that we'll be going to the same university, for the same program. This program only has about 200 students, so likely our classes will be the same, and so will our social circle. Currently, we're in a program with 60 students for high school and taking all the same courses and classes. Many of our clubs and ecs also overlap. So I basically am with her all day, everyday at the moment.
The issue: Before this friend, I used to be super social and had a lot of friends. Previously, I would hang out with a bunch of different groups, and if I ever felt like the conversation was boring or making me uncomfortable I would walk off from the conversation and wander to another group (essentially I was a floater). Typically, groups wouldn't be bothered by me walking off. Within the past few years, I have become more introverted. Thus, I'm more comfortable taking time away to be alone. However, while I now know being around people drains me and makes me feel tired, I do still enjoy it quite a lot. While I have become more introverted over the past few years. However, this friend is a lot more clingy. At the start of our friendship, when I would try to float off, she would trail me essentially, not letting me leave. Since she didn't really know most of the other friends on the same level, it made it difficult for me to go hang out with these other friends on my own (during the pandemic, so the only social interactions are for a half hour at lunch or the end of the day). I remember vividly once, I tried to walk off, and she latched onto the hook thing on my backpack so she wouldn't lose me in the crowd. I started to slowly feel trapped from this point forward. Even if I wanted to wander off just to be alone and go study, it became really difficult because she stuck so close to me. If I wanted to go to a club meeting, or anything, I more or less had to inform her. It feels like getting permission most of the time, and even then she tends to tag along. I understand that her intentions aren't bad, but I really just want to be left alone. I'm quite accustomed to my floating, and it gave me a sense of control.
Additionally, I had a massive fallout with my previous friend-group. It was a while back in 2017, however, it's taken me a long time to recover from that. Floating allowed me to maintain relationships without rushing into anything when I hadn't healed from my previous friend-group. I feel like her clinging on…I ended up in a friendship that I wasn't emotionally ready for, nor healed enough to handle.
Eventually, because she didn't want to hang out with other people - she's quite antisocial in nature - I would feel pressured to hang out with only her. Our high school cohort is about 60 students, so eventually people started to associate the two of us as a pair and would make remarks if I didn't hang out with her which furthered my isolation. Even when we do have moments with other groups, if she feels bored, or that they're wasting her time, I can almost feel the upsetness radiating off of her. I don't mind that they're wasting time and doing things slowly, it's a fun experience. Or at least it used to be…now all I feel is the wave of upsetness which keeps me from enjoying the whole thing. I feel like I have to leave because she wants to leave and that's the only way to appease her.
Additionally, she's very pessimistic/ cynical and egoistic. She often looks down on others and believes she is the best at everything. While I agree that she is very competent and capable, the way she expresses this makes me feel uncomfortable. She expresses it quite directly with me, however, I think other people can tell she feels that way based on the way she acts as well. As a result, people I used to be super close with have grown distant from me because it's clear she looks down on them. (Once again, I'm sure that other factors such as not talking to them as much as mentioned above contributes too, but her influence is on a level I can't control. This makes me spiral because I feel like I have no control over everything and I can't hold onto anything). I feel like I can't call her out because she'd refuse to accept it and I'd have to persuade her why she's wrong, rather than just having her accept it. I strugle to remember exact incidents unless I document it like this, and often just have the general idea of what's wrong.
Also comments like "You're being mean, or you've hurt their feelings" are often met with "So what? I don't care", the issue is I care. I don't like hurting people, and would rather try to fix things if I've made mistakes. I also don't like what that says about her. One day - such as the day I bring this up - if our friendship is over, will that be her response too? She won't try to be a good friend or good person, but will kinda go fuck all of it and hurt me without an ounce of remorse. I try to tell myself that different people have different perspectives, and I am not always right. However, no matter how hard I try, I just…I can't understand this at all, and it infuriates me.
Contrarily to her pessimism - as my mother is quite a pessimistic person - I have spent years working on maintaining my optimism, and trying really hard to be a good person. Obviously, she is not to blame for my mother's behavior. However, between the two of them, and because I'm around her all the time, I feel like I'm becoming more similar to her in this sense, and I hate myself for it. Of course, she's allowed to be cynical. I'm not saying being optimistic is always the right thing. There are many pitfalls, such as being naive, and getting hurt. Thus, I understand that being optimistic to the extent that I like to be, isn't for everyone. However, I hate how it's affecting me, and that it's around me all the time. I do appreciate our friendship, but I think this is one of our core differences that makes us incompatible
While I'm not soft-spoken, and will stand up for what I believe in, I try to avoid unnecessary conflict, and prefer to take a people-friendly approach. My friend is much more aggressive and often "rocks the boat" in group projects and friendships. This leaves me in a situation where I feel like I have to pick up the pieces to make amends because my own friendships are at risk. Additionally, even if I do agree with her point, I find it more difficult to solve problems (especially project wise) in the typical manner that I would. I can be more willing to find a compromise and handle it with less of a mess. It also makes me very, very anxious, and I hate it so much. We talked about it once and she said she knows it makes me anxious too, which makes it worse because she's still not willing to change, similar to the point about hurting others feelings. Another ex-bestfriend (18M) previously mentioned that it's technically not my responsibility, but I feel like people view her actions and feelings about things as similar to my own, which screws over my relationships.
Furthermore, she burned the bridge between her and the previously mentioned other best friend (18M), and tried to blame it on her not liking how he treated her. This also upset me, because I didn't ask for that. I also felt like because she had so much input on why my friendship with him was lacking, my pre-existing insecurities amplified. I realized wayy too late as to how unfair I had been. We had pre-existing expectations in our friendship for a number of years, and I suddenly went that's not enough. Our friendship was different and didn't tick every box, but that doesn't mean it was wrong? We both were happy, and that's what mattered. I realized at this point that I couldn't express that to her. Getting her to back off was difficult, and I started to feel scared of her to some extent. I was scared to talk to her (which surprised him, as it was atypical of me to be like this in any situation). Looking back, this was another clear red flag. Just the idea that I felt the need to shut myself down and not express myself is worrisome. (This male friend and I no longer speak for a number of reasons).
She's also known for crossing over boundaries, which caused one of my core friend groups to stop talking to her last year (and as a result of this and my ex-best friend (M18) being in this grp, I've also grown severely distant). While I can't blame the distance completely on her, I would have done my best to maintain one specific friend (F18) in the group if it hadn't been for other conflict she had with this friend. This event also caused me to realize how differently we often approach issues. She was quick to push the blame off herself. Typically, I tend to pull as much of the blame on myself as possible (also not healthy, I know M18 told me so), or if I do feel defensive. I try to apologize in the moment, sincerely. And I tend to reflect back often. I know that within the next few months, the heat of feeling accused will die down, and I'll be able to truly feel remorse from my actions and learn from them.
However, this crossing over of normal boundaries is also applicable to me. Often, we have to do what she wants if she's decided she wants to do something, regardless of what I want. While this is never directly stated, I always feel anxious to go against her and express that I'd like something else. Typically, I'm not like that with other people. The only way for me to disagree and say I'd like to do something else is to get on her level of pushy / aggressive, which I also find to be mean. I don't want to act like that. I also find it quite suffocating to express what I want because she's so pushy about what she wants.
This is further exacerbated by her parents. Her father in particular is very similarly pushy and has no regard for my boundaries. Last year when we went on a trip with both families to the Aquarium, they both made decisions about what we would be doing without me. My mom's quite sick and one of the activities (a visit to the beach) would cause her symptoms to appear. I tend to do most of the planning in our house and often have to be careful to take into account my family members' conditions in this sense. However, this impromptu decision to visit the beach got me in quite a bit of trouble with my parents, as they felt I wasn't being considerate of them. This made me feel really frustrated and trapped between everything. Additionally, my friend knows of my mom's condition. While I don't expect her to take that into account when making the decision, she should have informed me or had her dad inform my parents, and allowed for a conjoint decision. I also just didn't want to go to the beach - I was really tired at this point - but obviously (brown kid) I can't say that in front of her parents and argue.
Similar things happen for other decisions such as when we go out for other activities as well. Such as when we first became friends, often she and our other friend would want to go on walks outside (whereas I would much rather do anything else). I remember early on expressing that I didn't want to but they could go. Likely because my boundaries were ignored then and overstepped, I don't feel safe expressing that I don't want to do what she wants. And I know she won't take no for an answer through those experiences. So naturally, instead of going back and forth in an argument so I can not do what I don't like, I just am left to silently resign.
Additionally, we're both pre-med students, which creates a lot of competition. I do my best to find many extracurricular opportunities and scholarship opportunities (especially since I'm a first-generation student and my parents are unable to support me in ways that are not financial support due to various reasons). About a year after we first became friends - we've been friends for 3 years, since grade 10 - she and another girl who we were close with at the time, reached out to form a club behind my back. I know this probably sounds very foolish, but up till this point, I had shared the majority of extracurricular activities I had researched online. Additionally, I had founded a club a few months prior with both girls (we were all co-presidents), since they expressed interest after I had founded another club with another friend group. They had no intention to tell me that they were starting this new initiative. I had reached out to the organization to inquiry about stating a chapter for the three of us together and found out about it. It really bothered me and made me feel like I was being taken advantage of. When I expressed this at first, both girls shut down and got defensive. Neither was willing to admit they were wrong, and just tried to fight me. I am their friend? I was rightfully upset, shouldn't you at least apologize and show some remorse?
It should be noted that some months later, I expressed just how upset I was to the best that I could to both girls and we talked about it and came to an understanding. While the issue was resolved, I still think it's important context.
Now once again, this competition is further exacerbated by her dad once again. This year, I had compiled a database of scholarships. During a conversation, her dad had mentioned that we needed to be on top of things this year, such as scholarships. It had rubbed me the wrong way, so I had stood up for myself and mentioned we had a database of scholarships as a way to prove I was on top of things (I get told by my parents that I should work harder a lot, and it makes me upset because I'm really working my ass off). However, this prompted him at first to push my friend to show him this database and scholarship information. And as a result she became really pushy with me. Initially, I ignored her hoping it would go away. After all, I had saved her imo by telling him she was prepared which was a lie. She could have compiled something in the meantime to make up for it instead of bothering me about it so many times. She made me feel like I had to give it to her, that she was entitled to it. About a month in from this, he called me while I was at home, and spoke to me in...I don't even know how to describe it, but it was a pretty manipulative tone to get me to hand it over. I ended up handing over a couple of simpler ones I had (because I had spent hours researching those scholarships, and the information is also available to her on the internet, it just wasn't fair).
Plus, after the prior issue with the club, I assumed there wouldn't be anything like this. Exchanging homework was alright because it was quite evenly balanced, and often it was balanced our quite quickly due to the nature of school. However, this wasn't something she could pay me back for, and left me feeling used again. I know I was quite nice back then and helped people out a lot, but I hate being taken advantage of and treated like that. I also feel like it's just a shitty show of the other person's character.
I know that in this case, she knows her dad is in the wrong and tried to stand up for me at the start. I actually would probably just avoid him in a normal situation and not make a big deal of this.
However, I feel quite unhappy now, and as a commenter said, looking forwards 10 years I don't think the friendship in this state will be good for me. While I have thought of talking to her, as you can see above, either I have mentioned some of these things in some capacity and been dismissed, or the issue is who she is as a person. I sincerely believe that I have no right to dictate who she is as a person. But these core things disrupt my life and make things really difficult for me, so I'm not sure if I should keep putting up with them. I keep rationalizing to myself with "no one's perfect", "she's not completely at fault, I am top" and " I've also probably made mistakes and hurt her, I shouldn't make a fuss". However, as the commenter said if I'm unhappy then that's that. Forcing myself to continue feeling suffocated and unhappy because I feel guilty is just foolish.
Why am I still friends with her?
Well, while I am very isolated with no friends to hang out with, this connection feels more real? A lot of my old connections, I would wander around those groups, and no one would notice if I left. Sometimes, it made me feel really lonely like no one cared for me. They all felt like surface-level friendships. This often made it super easy to walk away when things got toxic (which I can't do right now), however, I often felt depressed and unfilled then. Whereas my friendship with her feels more genuine and deeper.
Additionally, we are quite similar in terms of SES and goals. It's quite easy to discuss familial issues with her when I need support, and from a financial standpoint, I don't feel pressured to spend with her either. Sometimes this can be stressful since she's more stingy than me, so I feel guilty for spending too (and therefore, going out with other friends and spending). We have also argued before on finances, and i sometimes can't understand why she's making such a big deal about things. I feel held back from spending as I please. However, unlike many other people; I never feel bad about saving. Using coupons, or points, or carefully checking multiple prices. We do that stuff together, so I don't feel bad doing it.
Our sisters have also really hit off, and it's a nice dynamic between the four of us and I don't know how they'll be affected or our families will react in general.
Being in a similar field means she understands not having the time to hang out (especially while we did IB). This expectation go hang-out more from my middle-school friends stressed me out a lot.
What I think is the best solution:
I'd love to remain friends and just have a crap ton of distance between us. The type of friendship where you see each other only on holidays (like once every 4 months?). That way we can quickly catch-up, and can be there for each other if needed, but I can go ahead and live my own life. Plus, I can find myself again and be the person I like.
I guess part of my worry with this is also clubs. We have many similar interests, and I want to join schools clubs without feeling tied down or running back into her. Often when I'm in environments with her around, I feel like I have to let her lead and I can't just be me and do me. I have to back off and step down or else she gets pushy. I tend to thrive more when I'm on my own without her whether that's working with a group or just leading in general. Even working with a group, while I've definitely gotten frustrated with them, we sort things out quite well because I'm handling situations with them my way. I want that back in every club in my life. But even now, pre-uni starting we've somehow managed to join the same pre-med club. And I feel like either we'll keep joining the same clubs or I have to back off and stop doing what I want to do cuz she's doing them to be able to unclip my wings and be free.
However, with us going to the same universities (in a city 2.5 hours from where we live now), I don't know how to get around all this. I also don't know how to tell her most of this without hurting her feelings. And even if I did, as I mentioned prior, the core of the issue is who she is as a person and how she carries herself. Just because I like being optimistic and nice doesn't mean I can force her to be that way. She's allowed to have her defense mechanisms, and we've discussed before how she believes her way of living is better than mine for her. (Her's being the pessimistic, and as she calls it "realistic" way, whereas mine is a lot more optimistic, sometimes naive, but imo it's simpler?). And no one has any right to say what is the right way to live for everyone? So that feels wrong...
I just want a casual relationship. I don't want to make an enemy out of her as I enter university because I have even less energy for that then the bs I'm dealing with rn. I just want us to be like friends, not best friends. And keep a lot of distance when we first go in. I feel like a huge part of the issue here is we passed the point in the friendship cycle where your supposed to drift off. Usually having that time away I feel like allows for a natural drift back in as you accidentally cross paths again. And I sorta want to just drift back now and naturally drift back to being friends later when / if it works out.
I guess the question is how do I explain all of this to her and reach a resolution without making an enemy out of her