Today I released a new private shop, TeaShop.moe. This is a private (but open to anyone), paid shop, completely independent from all the main shops run by Missing Dumps. This shop is aimed at people interested in a reliable shop run on real servers, with extremely fast speeds along with leaks that are added minutes after being released by the scene groups. We have every game you could search for and the latest updates. We also have a web downloader where you just simply search for the game you like, login, and download a pure uncompressed file game file.
Some questions you may have:

• Why would I pay for a shop when I already have free shops like Pixelshop?
  • First we have the latest updates and leaks. At free shops they make you wait a long time for their updates.
  • Next, you no longer need Discord to be able to log into your account. Just use the credentials given to you after purchase (all done automatically) and you are off downloading!
  • We also offer web downloads so you can use it with your favorite emulator on your pc!
  • The last and maybe the most important, is their reliability. Because they host on Google Drive, they could get wiped out in minutes, and you can never know when that is. We host on secure, offshore, and powerful dedicated servers. You can trust that we won't be shut down any time soon.
• How much is it and how do I buy?
  • Prices go as follows: $5 for one month, $13 for 3 months, and $48 for 12 months (1 year).
  • Payments are all done using Cryptocurrencies. We don't take any other payments.
  • You can join at https://teashop.moe/join
• Why paid rather than making a free option?
  • We are coming out with a free option soon!
  • We need the money to cover server costs. It's that simple.
• Why this instead of Tits Pro or Jits Pro?
  • The first problem with the other private shops is that they are extremely exclusive to get into. People say, "Oh all you have to do is find some obscure Switch Game that nobody else owns and give it to them. Then wait a few weeks for them to give you access." Right, like that's simple. What's simpler is paying a few bucks a month and instantly getting access to the games. With TeaShop you get instant access.
  • We also offer web downloads. Some shops have this like Jits but its unreliable and every time I have tried it, it has failed. This is unrestricted downloading for your pleasure.
  • The last main reason is that they manually add the files. While there may be no problem with this, TeaShop does everything automatically. The second a game, leak or update is released, it is downloaded using RSS and added to the shop within 30 minutes of release.

This a reminder that this is a premium option compared to the other shops, and it may not be for everyone. To be honest, I just wanted something reliable for myself and my Dad, so I built it all myself and decided to make it public after.
You take a look at it at https://teashop.moe! We also have a telegram group available here with game updates and discussion.

So I always assumed I just had migraine - my pattern is dull pain to start as a warning that will then escalate to quite intense pain, usually located around my eye, top of nose. I usually apply pressure and and a ice pack to the area and hope the next round of the painkillers does the job. But I do experience moments of no pain - back to intense pain. So I just try to stay still and wait for it to pass.
However, I don't get tearing or a runny nose. My eyes get itchy. I vomited today which doesn't always happen for me, but then the pain was just gone without painkillers, which got me thinking...
The on-off pain, located around my eye like a knife is being poked in ....is this not migraine?

Over on frugal there's a discussion about fuel efficiency. Discussions there talked about eco mode vs normal mode.
Until now, I've just left eco mode on and not considered it.
One commenter suggested that eco mode changes how the accelerator acts... So perhaps with careful driving, eco mode might not make a difference.
Does anyone know what else eco mode is likely to modify? And has anyone here performed comparisons?

After seeing the positive earnings and income today, my first thought was "let me go buy some more shit from gamestop", and the reason why I want to is because I can literally see the positive outcome from me spending money at my favourite store. And, I'm getting my money back anyways as the share price increases. Win-win-win. UBS better start closing soon before they get even more fucked than they already are

Hi y'all, my current handheld flashlight is on its last legs and I need some help finding a new one. Apologies in advance for any incorrect terminology I use, I love flashlights but don't know too much about them yet.
Purpose: I lost my beloved cat 3 weeks ago and now spend 2+ hours every night hunting for her around my neighborhood. My neighborhood has no street lights and plenty of pretty deep, heavily wooded areas, so I need something that can get extremely bright and powerful to penetrate all that foliage and then remain at a pretty high brightness level as I navigate pitch-black roads. However, I also search around plenty of houses so the flashlight needs to have variable brightness levels and an adjustable width to its beam that'd allow me to pinpoint shine it at specific areas in my neighbors' yards without bothering them with stray light. (Note for anyone concerned: I have full permission from all of my neighbors to search their properties at any time so their privacy is never being violated, I just don't want to risk bothering them with the residual light from a wide flashlight beam so late at night).
Price Range: Would love to keep the price under $150, but am willing to go higher if it means getting something that will really last and suit my needs.
Type: Handheld flashlight
Battery Type & Quantity: I search for 2+ hours a day and will likely also use this flashlight for future camping trips, so I would love it to have great battery life and a rechargeable battery; my current flashlight eats through AA batteries like crazy and I'm tired of it.
Size: As long as it's handheld and easy enough to carry for hours at a time I don't mind the size.
Switch type: My current flashlight is a twisty and I enjoy that for the adjustable beam width, but I'm definitely not wedded to it if your recommendation doesn't use that switch type.
Many thanks!

Hello All! (From the U.S.) Im wanting to get back into cycling for occasional commuting/joyriding (1-5-10 miles) and decided to hit the local selling pages to see if i could find something very affordable that could be somewhat quality and last me a year+ until my college budget (and/or my enjoyment of the hobby) allows me a true upgrade. I've found it hard in my area to find a used bike of my size (smaller male) so my options were limited. I did find a bike (A schwinn voyageur sport I think from 2003/2006) and it's being sold for 50 dollars. Is this a good bike to get into for the price? It seems well taken care of. Theres also a schwinn land rider available for the same price i just do not have pictures for it! I wanted to keep my budget below 100 for a used bike and i do have some "handyness" if upgrades or service is needed.

$WKHS In all my professional years I have never seen anything like these derangement shorts syndrome on Workhorse .Workhorse Group Establishes TODAY March 21 the First Certified Dealer Program and Announces Kingsburg Truck Center as its First Certified Dealership in California. They continue to give the RETAIL INVESTORS the price we want for us to load up with also Zero shares available to short currently in $WKHS..Am I crazy or missing something here. Bullish

Up for sale today is my Apple Watch Ultra! The watch is in wonderful like-new condition. As you can see from the photos, there are a few virtually imperceptible dings on the outside edge of the case. Anything that looks like "marks" on the glass or the back is lint from the paper towel I used to clean it off. In one photo you can see a fingerprint of mine.
Unfortunately, I don't have the box it came in, but it does come with everything pictured: 1. Fast-charging cable 2. Midnight Ocean band (gently used, cleaned) 3. Yellow Ocean band (unused) 4. Green Alpine Loop (gently used, cleaned)
The asking price is $700 Repairs: none
I'll pay to ship (tracked/insured) for CONUS addresses. For anything other than the continental US, the buyer will pay shipping.
Photos: https://imgur.com/a/LnTv2rn

Today, Angel City FC, based in Los Angeles, is valued at $100 million, according to Sportico. Athletes, celebrities and investors all want a piece of the action. Sally Yates, a former top Justice Department official, conducted her own investigation, as well. Attendance was up about 80% in 2022, while ticketing revenue grew more than 125%, according to NWSL. Sponsorship revenue also surged 87% last year, Berman said. However, the cloud giant's growth has been slowing, and in Q4 2022 AWS's missed revenue estimates were a blow, coming in at $21. 3 billion versus the expected $21. 76 billion. "Some of the areas that are getting sliced and diced include Twitch, which Amazon acquired in 2014 for $970 million, and Amazon Web Services, or AWS. The Irvine, California-based company reported that revenue grew to $31. 9 million in the fourth quarter, up from $27. 8 million in the third quarter. "Looking ahead, Sundaram said that at Amazon, and in e-commerce more broadly, more job cuts could still be on the table. Big name investors include everyone from Eli Manning, Kevin Durant, Sue Bird, Natalie Portman and Jennifer Garner. "It's really AWS that was lifting Amazon over the past few years, but now we're seeing AWS growth slow," Sundaram told Yahoo Finance. A Division of NBCUniversalData is a real-time snapshot *Data is delayed at least 15 minutes. "More than 1 million fans attended matches last year, the league said, as nearly every market grew following the pandemic. "You have to realize that even though Amazon grew massively over the past few years, they haven't been able to grow profitably," said Sundaram. "I think there could be more waves of cuts, especially if the macro environment continues to go south," he said. Allie Garfinkle is a Senior Tech Reporter at Yahoo Finance. The league averaged 37 sponsorship deals per team, which is more than any other women's sport, according to sports data and intelligence platform Sponsor United. This quarter, its cash and cash equivalents were $1. 39 billion. While managing the burdens of brick-and-mortar, the company has also been working to find its digital identity. As the company's massive, revenue-generating cloud business, AWS has long led the way for Amazon financially. And everything that I've seen, has validated that," Berman said. The league is busy looking for new ownership groups in Chicago and Portland after a yearlong investigation. So, it's been a few years since Amazon has been profitable in those businesses. They also say they were blacklisted from applying for the same roles at another outsourcing firm, Luxembourg-based Majorel, after Facebook switched contractors. "Heavily-weighted financials rose 1. 2%, while energy added 3. 2% as the price of oil settled 2. 5% higher at $69. 33 a barrel. - Alpha AI

we are both queer Women in our late 20s and have been together for almost 4 years. the connection we feel is that of soulmates. when we are happy we are so happy but when we fight i feel like my partners behavior is harmful and has taken a toll on me emotionally.
they have a lot shorter fuse than i do. they get irritated fairly quickly and is a one and done type of person- as soon as they feel like someone has done them wrong, they assume the worst and they shut down or start being passive aggressive and mean by saying hurtful things or invalidating any attempts at reassurance/reconciliation.
i’ve always told them that whenever we have issues with one another whether we’re irritated or there’s a misunderstanding/miscommunication or one of our feelings are hurt, that i’m never upset at HOW they feel. the issue i have is how they act. most times they will be passive aggressive, say shady stuff and kind of take jabs at me, bring up past arguments that we have “resolved” and then make me feel as if my issue with how they treat me is all a big overreaction. they will ignore Me as i try to tell them that i want to resolve things, want us to be able to have a conversation about our feelings instead of an argument. they usually shut down (they have an avoidant attachment style while i have an anxious attachment style) so i try to give them space and ask how long they need to be alone in order to calm down so we can come back and talk, they sometimes don’t give Me a time limit or when the time is up they still have their walls up and continue arguing.
we had an argument today. we just moved to a big new city and they wanted to make a profile on a friend-meeting app so we can make new friends in the area. i followed suit and made one myself. they hadn’t shown me or told me any about who they were talking to so i calmly told them that it made me a little uncomfortable and that i would prefer them to be open with me about the friends they’re making and not wait for me to ask. they understood and agreed. last night they were asking me who i matched with and i showed them all the people i was chatting with and what we were talking about. when we woke up this morning they said they wanted me to show them who i was talking to without asking just like i had requested of them. when i tried to respond they kept interrupting Me and being passive aggressive, saying that i’m being shady and when i tried to defend myself they said that i’m lying because if i brought the issue up to them why wouldn’t i do the same thing. i told them it wasn’t something i knew i was doing and that sometimes it’s easier to see things from others perspectives. i told them that they could’ve just communicated this the same way i did to them, that i am happy to meet their needs, and that we didn’t have to fight but they wouldn’t listen. i start crying and telling them that it’s not fair that i give them so much grace when i’m upset or have a need i want met, that i am calm and communicative vs when they’re upset or have a need they want met they get really angry, make assumptions, refuse to let me comfort and reassure them, and make Me feel like i’m crazy for being hurt bc they’re being cruel to Me. they said “oh yeah you give Me so much grace like when you threaten to divorce Me.” this was super hurtful bc the reason i’ve threatened divorce in the past was due to their gaslighting, invalidating, disrespectful, demonizing, and hurtful behavior bc i reached a breaking point where i couldn’t deal with it anymore. for them to equate My request for them to communicate healthily, with My intolerance for their past hurtful behavior made Me feel like they never understood how big of a deal it is to Me that they treat Me so cruelly when we fight in the first place.
we have had instances where we’ve dodged getting into arguments bc we both choose to approach it receptively and i reference those to remind them that it’s possible for us to do but majority of the time it doesn’t happen that way.
i would like some advice as to what to do. i want to be with them. however the pain that almost 4 years of being treated like My feelings are a burden and being invalidated has left a big hole in My heart.
tldr: My partner won’t communicate her feelings healthily to Me, instead takes jabs at Me, dismisses me, and invalidates Me and then when i express my hurt that they treat me that way they gaslight and invalidate Me about doing it

29M, UK. Evening all, I had my vasectomy procedure carried out on Friday just gone - yesterday and today I have had the constant feeling of I need to pee, pain behind my pubic area and also when I do pee I think I’ve finished and then I put it away and the pee then dribbles out like I had not finished 🙈
It’s doing my head in - any advice?

My regional BBC affiliate covered the street parties for the coronation today. Surprisingly the presenter opened the segment by acknowledging that many wouldn't be bothering, "some would rather lock themselves in on the day". And it stated that royalist street parties have been in decline since 1977 with official figures for the Platty Jube being 3.5 million attendees. Which wasn't what was being said at the time.
Overall there wasn't any overt attempts to inspire loyalty, it was a factual the coronation is in May and of you want a party here is how you do and the deadline. Several of the councils in the region deadlines had already expired too.
And this area isn't one thats traditionally a hotbed of republicanism. Quite a tonal shift already.

Age 32, Male, was recently laid off as part of a reduction-in-force from a Title Company in the Treasure Valley area of Idaho. I worked with microfilm records both physically and digitally. I quite enjoyed it, worked in the Title Company for 2.5 years before being suddenly let go due to the economic downturn the title and real estate market is going through.
Working at my mom's law firm temporarily as a paralegal to stay afloat. Been applying to local positions and getting interviews but no job offers yet. Idaho has a Launch Program that will use grant money to fund the additional training for ID residents. Mum is putting enormous pressure on me to pick additional training from that program, specifically a CompTIA Cybersecurity Analyst (CySA+) position for a month-long in-classroom course, or a 400 hours online course in Data Analytics. To clarify: if I fail the course or cannot find w-2 level work within a year in the career path I trained in, for at least a year of work, then I will have to pay back all the tuition that the grant money provides.
Neither course is something I'm super enthused by, since I never really had much interest in coding or IT positions but Mum has been pressuring me relentlessly to start a path in IT for the past 10 years since college. I did try to learn coding in college back then, but couldn't wrap my head around it. I have a Cert in IT Security Management, but it didn't do much in landing me the job with the title company.
On one hand: I don't want to struggle for peanuts anymore and want better pay, especially with the way the economy is going and rent prices keep increasing, but on the other hand I don't wanna put on the Golden Handcuffs seen with most IT positions and have to keep getting new certs to stay relevant.
CompTIA Cybersecurity Analyst (CySA+) would build on my Security Management certificate, but I don't want to be chasing down supplemental certificates every single year if I choose an IT position. Data Analytics would also require learning a lot of code. I loved working with microfilm and similar records and would love to work as a records admin in a museum or something similar, but I know that those jobs don't pay well either.
I want a good work/life balance where I don't feel trapped.

A bit of information
Married 29M, 27F
NW 1.9M
Income ~380k per year combined
I am currently working a government job, and have a sole proprietorship engineering firm in the odd hours and leaving the government job in may.
LCOL area
Seeking advice on how to properly write a proposal and not be burned taking over my fathers business, as well as questions I should be asking that I may not have, and any advice from redditors that may be in similar situations.
I am a sole proprietor and own my engineering firm. Started it 10 months ago and looking at ~170k in sales for the first tax year. My wife is currently working at the chemical plant, and this was very intentional.
​
My father in law recently passed away and this has spurred some large conversations with my dad. He is the sole owner of a small chemical company that does ~10 million in sales per year, and he is wanting to make me the president of it, we have discussed him selling as well as placing it in a trust. Over the last 30 years the best the company has netted him is 1m in a year, at the worst he has lost about 200k. For the most part he has averaged a net income of 560k per year.
My business and the chemical plant are in related fields, and they would compliment each other very well. The company has been in stagnation for about 7 years, and has not taken on much risk. I have quite a few immediate avenues open where I could ramp up cash flow.
​
Option 1:
Buy the business outright, I have an SBA Loan that myself and my engineering firm qualifies for, and have a pre qualification letter for 3 million. We have spoken about a sales price of 2 million, but don't have anything in writing. 8.6% interest rate.
Option 2:
Place the business into a trust, I would be designated trustee and named the president of the company. My dad would get 250k/year till the day he passes upon which time it would transfer to my mom. I don't know the specifics, but have a trust company we are working with.
Option 3:
Something I might be missing.

Hello!
California passed SB-197, which gave birth to the housing program California Dream for All. This program isn't available to apply for until 3/27/2023; however, the guidelines and details about the program have been released. You can verify all the info in my post here. This program is similar to the 10% down program CalFHA had last year. Like that previous program, this program only has a set amount of funds available.
What is the program?
Through shared appreciation, The California Housing Finance Agency (CalHFA) will provide 20% down payment assistance, in the form of a silent second loan. There is not a monthly payment associated with this loan; however, should you sell, refi, or transfer ownership, you will have to repay the loan they provided to you, as well as a portion of the appreciation. This loan does not turn into a grant.
- For Example -
$500,000 purchase price.
CalHFA will give you $100,000
This amount doesn't include what you would owe through shared appreciation.
What does shared appreciation mean?
CalHFA is entitled to 15% or 20% of the appreciation gained the purchase date. Whether you pay 15% or 20% will depend on your income. Per the guidelines, buyers whose income is between 80% - 150% of your county's Area Median Income (AMI) pay 20% of the appreciation. Most buyers are going to be within this range. If your income is less than 80% then CalHFA will only take 15%.
Benefits

• No down payment
• No private mortgage insurance
• Lower monthly payment
• increased purchase power

Qualifications:

• First-time Homebuyer (haven't owned a property in the last 3 years)
• Minimum credit score: 660
• Maximum debt-to-income ratio: 45%
• Single Family home or Condo; no multifamily
• Income can't exceed county income limit
• CalHFA homebuyer education course required
• One year home warranty required

Thank you :)

Something's missing. People (and entities) are starting to notice.
First Previous
***
Far across the multiverse in a tavern that, depending on one’s point of view, may or may not have actually existed, Zeb, Petunia, Bethany, Bergamot, Cleve, and Zilandrial sat at a large wooden table.
“Thank you, Shauna,” Bergamot said as a buxom woman in a low-cut peasant dress filled their mugs with a “magic” pitcher of beer that never ran dry. “You don’t have to serve us, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” Shauna replied brightly, “but I am a barmaid. Besides, I am not giving up my magic pitcher!” she added with a laugh. “The next batch of stew should be out in a second.”
“If it is as good as this bread…” Cleve said, holding up a thick, floppy piece of flatbread.
“Better!” Shauna exclaimed. “The pantry keeps filling back up with the best stuff! It’s almost a shame to make stew out of it, but the “fancy” chef went to the “fancy” place. We just figured out the roaster thingy, so we’ll be serving roast fowl as soon as the first batch cooks!”
Shauna paused and took a big drink from her pitcher.
“It turns out that you just had to talk to it. Weird… But no weirder than anything else, I suppose. You guys want to wait for the roast fowl?”
“We shouldn’t tary,” Zeb replied, “We don’t know how long this blessed peace will last.”
“Maybe it’s over?” Bethany the Tinker, now reunited with her beloved hat, asked.
“One can hope,” Zeb shrugged as he drank deeply from his tankard, “but I’m not delaying my repast, and neither should you. When you have fiends like Pantsu and F10w3rchy1d in play, things can get much worse than they already are.”
“Worse?!?” Bergamot exclaimed in horror.
***
Melinda the Stalwart was starting to believe that she should have stayed in bed today.
It was supposed to be her day off! Yeah, things were starting to get “weird,” but with all of those high-rated champions running around up north, it was probably going to get handled pretty quickly… and she was tired of chasing around after their scraps.
Her copper-rated ass was sitting this one out. The fact that everyone had gone gank-crazy just further confirmed that she had the right idea.
So, she decided to head back to the royal city of Raven’s Peak to take advantage of the richer and more powerful adventurers running off to the north, leaving all the armorers, enchanters, alchemists, and publicans in town behind.
It was nice not constantly getting shoved out of the way by stronger champions and ignored by shopkeepers far more interested in their gold than her silver for once.
It started out as such a lovely day, too!
She awoke in a lovely bed at the Blade and Wand, her absolute favorite inn, and a place where it was nearly impossible to get a room without a reservation or a lot more status than she had. There, she enjoyed a wonderful breakfast, at a discounted rate no less, and then went out for a day of crowd-free shopping!
It. Was. Bliss! There were no lines, and all of the storekeepers and craftsmen were all too happy to not only serve her and her meager purse but actually take time to chat!
Then, for lunch, she decided to visit the main branch of the adventurer’s guild, where she had an honest-to-gosh hamburger and fries along with some cider. After that, the plan was to get some training or maybe buy a buff or two…
Well, that was the plan, anyway.
What actually happened was that her wonderful burger, which she could never get under normal circumstances (they were always sold out before a copper-rated nobody could get their coppers taken), was interrupted by the most unholy screams she had ever heard inside or outside a dungeon.
She barely had time to stand before the doors to the guild offices exploded outward, and a demon covered in spikes and flames charged into the main hall.
That looks just like the guildmaster, was about all she had time to think before the fiend was on her.
***
“What’s happening?!?” Melinda cried in terror as she hurtled through absolutely nothing.
(Shh bby is ok)
“H-hello?” she called.
(😊)
“W-who are you? What happened to me?”
(Shh bby is ok)
“Am I… Am I dead?!?”
(is ok)
“Oh, it is definitely NOT okay! Who are you, and what the hell happened?”
The bedbug sighed with exasperation as it bounced off an invisible barrier again.
It had taken too long. The soul was starting to wake up.
Before much longer, it would start to get wiggly. It hated it when they began to wiggle.
Not knowing exactly what else to do, it let out a little ping.
It was answered by thousands of its kind! They couldn’t get through either, so they were having a rave! Awesome!
With a happy little (woo!), it zipped off towards the largest concentration of pings dragging an increasingly indignant Melinda the Stalwart along whether she wanted to or not.
***
“Hahaha!” Tawdry laughed into a prepaid “burner phone” her parents didn’t know about. “I can’t be-lieve you got me fucking grounded, you skank!”
“You’re still grounded?” Claudia snickered, “You diminished that badly?”
“It’s my parents. I managed to talk them down to a week without brain fucking them too hard. Besides, this cell is a lot nicer than the holes you used to stick me in. I’ll just do my time and be done with it. Besides, it will give our friends time to leave town since someone can’t manage to find a freaking truck.”
“First of all, fuck you,” Claudia laughed, “Second of all, thanks for getting that bastard to show up in a park and chase you across all of that nice soft turf. We got a lot of data we didn’t have before.”
“Like what?”
“Like its estimated mass, tire treads, a few lovely material samples where it nailed a park bench while trying to kill you… oh, and confirmation that it actually materializes and dematerializes. We can only assume the little bitch does the same thing. Too bad you couldn’t actually lay hands on her.”
“She was slippery, okay?” Tawdry chuckled.
“Hey,” Claudia said, “before Evika and her party ganked you, did they say anything about whom they were working for, or did they mention a little blonde girl named Petunia… or Pantsu?”
“No, they just said hi and blew my head off. Oh! Stephen did say that David finally confessed to Evika!”
“Took him long enough,” Claudia laughed, “Think he has a chance?”
“I know he has one,” Tawdry replied, “Evika’s gonna drop those drawers any second.”
“Good for her.”
“You said that Robert the Golden Peckerhead got sent back?”
“Yeah, and he is not adjusting well,” Claudia replied, “We have him in a ‘special’ inpatient facility where we are keeping the people with ‘issues’.”
“You got a lot of ‘patients’?”
“Not as many as you would think,” Claudia said, “Not everyone is happy about things, but there is something to be said about not having to sleep with a dagger under your pillow.”
“True that,” Tawdry replied. “High school is a pain, but being able to go out for pizza without an enraged wife (or husband) trying to shank you is nice.”
“Careful,” Claudia laughed, “Enraged spouses here might have a gun. You might want to go easy on the adultery this time around. There is also no magic contraception, and cure disease potions aren’t for sale in every town.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Tawdry groaned. “Doesn’t really matter, though. I might as well be a nun these days.”
“You can’t be diminished that much!”
“I am not into kids, and any man worth screwing isn’t into jailbait. I’m the exact opposite of screwed… Speaking of, you did mention a possible trip to Denmark?”
“Aren’t you grounded?”
“I won’t be next week!”
“And how will you explain your sex tourism to your folks?”
“Let me worry about my folks,” Tawdry replied, “You worry about that plane ticket!”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Claudia replied with a chuckle.
Natasha! Come down for dinner!
“I’ll be right there!” Tawdry yelled.
“I gotta go. It’s taco night…”
Tawdry grinned.
“Speaking of tacos, did you get that camel toe fixed yet?”
“And just when we were even, too!” Claudia laughed. “Your little suggestion has everyone looking at my snatch… including me, and I know it’s bullshit!”
“Ha! Is your new fuck toy looking?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Detective Martin! I know you have a thing for that whole world-weary crusader vibe. And don’t think I didn’t see you checking out his ass, either.”
“I have the same problem you do,” Claudia sighed, “worse even. The sort of man I like certainly won’t be messing around with a ‘kid’, even if I am ‘legal’.”
“Yeah, you do like them a bit crusty, don’t you? How about finding some rich asshole who is having a mid-life crisis?”
“I will repeat myself. The sort of man I would like isn’t interested… and won’t be for years.”
“Meh. You’re not giving yourself enough credit… and giving them far too much of it.”
“Well, Slaker turned me down cold… goddamn chain of command…”
“No! You tried to give it up to Slaker?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time…”
“No way! I need details, all of them!”
“Well…”
Natasha! Dinner!
“I have to go,” Tawdry said, “but this is not over!”
***
Vroom? an old Peterbilt truck revved as it sat in a remote corner of a truck stop in the middle of nowhere.
“Still nothing,” the little girl huffed. “How can an entire universe disappear?”
Vroom… Vroom?
“Let’s hope not,” the girl replied, “Even so, he wouldn’t abandon us!”
“What?” the spirit asked with alarm.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” the little girl replied.
“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”
“Okay,” the little girl replied, “There is a remote chance that our boss has had to… um… cease operations and relocate. It hasn’t happened in a really long time, but it has happened.”
“Does that mean that I’m stuck?!?”
“No, of course not. It just means we might have to wait until we’re collected.”
Vroom.
“He won’t forget us!”
VroOoom…
“Hey! Don’t even start talking like that! We’ve done good work for the boss on several worlds. He won’t just discard us!”
“What do you mean, discard?”
“Just watch your anime, weeb,” the little girl snapped. “He hasn’t abandoned us, and he won’t forget us. He’s just… um…”
Vroom.
“I don’t know, alright!” the little girl replied angrily, “I have no idea where those others came from. All I know is that we didn’t squish them.”
VvvrOom.
“If he had another team, I would know about it!”
Vroom?
“I just would, okay! WE AREN’T GETTING REPLACED!... I’m… I’m going to get some air, maybe a Coke or something.”
The little girl threw open the door to the cab angrily and hopped out.
“Hey!” the spirit yelled, “See if they have any audiobooks!”
***
We’ve been abandoned… the little girl thought to herself as she prowled the truck stop trying not to panic.
She had to keep it together for Truck-Kun… and their new companion. If she fell apart, Truck-Kun would, too, and who knows what the spirit would do. He was two seconds from making another run for it as it was.
She paused by a rack of dusty old audiobooks on CD. Now that wasn’t something she had seen in a bit.
Thankful for the distraction, she started perusing the titles. Some of them were things she hadn’t already read (or listened to).
She grabbed a few for herself and then started looking for something appropriately nerdy for her new guest.
She might have murdered them in cold blood, but that was no reason not to be a good host.
She was so distracted by her own troubles and the audiobooks that she didn’t notice that she was being followed until the guy’s shadow fell around her.
She then became aware of his oily aura and smiled.
All work and no play…
“Hello, little girl…”
She looked up at him with an innocent expression and doe-like eyes.
“Hi.”
***
Truck-Kun quietly ground his gears as he watched a beat-up RV pull onto the highway.
Vroom, he grumbled as he put himself in gear and started to follow.
“What?” the spirit asked.
About half an hour later, Truck-Kun pulled over next to an RV that was parked on the side of the highway.
The door opened, and the little girl hopped out, holding a paper bag.
Vroom, the truck revved disapprovingly.
“Such a nice man,” the little girl said impishly as she plopped into the driver’s seat, and the truck drove away.
“Are those bloodstains?” the spirit asked as he pointed at the bag.
“What answer would you prefer?” the girl asked as she pulled out a half-filled fifth of vodka and most of a pack of smokes graciously donated by the nice man in the RV (it wasn’t like he was going to be needing them).
Vroom.
“I know I quit,” the girl replied as she put one in her mouth. “Give me a break. My nerves are shot.”
Vroom.
“Yes, shot enough to smoke menthols!”
The little girl lit up and drew heavily on the cigarette, exhaling a lovely smoke ring.
Vroom!
“So, crack a window!”
Vroom! Vroom! Vrooooom!
“You can’t smell, and you know it! So please, cut me some slack. I’ve had a bad day,” she said as she turned up the bottle of vodka like it was Juicy Juice.
Vroom!
“I know you’ve had a bad day, too,” the girl said as she wiped her mouth, “Want me to get you some fuel treatment at the next stop, maybe some starting fluid?”
Vroom.
“Okay, and a new air freshener, maybe some of those fuzzy dice you like? Deal?”
Vroom!… Vroom?
“As a matter of fact,” the little girl said as she pulled out a wad of bills. “the nice man did keep his cash on him.”
Vroom! the truck revved happily.
***
“Jesus!” Gary Martin, formerly Detective Martin, winced as he looked inside an abandoned old RV the following day.
“Say what you want about her,” Claudia Smythe said as she ate a corn dog. “but she is thorough.”
“We think the girl did this?”
“Matches her MO,” Claudia shrugged as she flicked the corn dog stick aside. “And we have surveillance footage at the truck stop. The asshole was talking to someone small, the cameras didn’t get a good shot of the kid, and eyewitnesses state that he was in the company of his ‘daughter’ when he left.”
“You said this was her MO. She’s done this before?” Gary asked.
“She rolls guys like this for their pocket change. We’re not sure if it’s how they finance their operations or if she just does it for fun, but this is the third one this year.”
A well-dressed and very young man in sunglasses approached the pair.
“Sir Lark,” Claudia said without turning around. “We have an ID on this guy yet?”
“Boris Veetch,” the young man said. “a registered sex offender with an active warrant for skipping out on his parole.”
“Yeah, she likes those,” Claudia shrugged. “Nobody will mourn his passing. He was easily ensnared, and he probably was carrying cash.”
“And she is professional bait,” Gary shrugged. “He was slime, but I’m not sure even he deserved what happened to him, though. What sort of monster would do something like this?”
“You just answered your own question,” Claudia replied, “a monster.”
“If you think this is bad," Lark said as he started photographing the scene, "You should see what a pack of goblins will do if they get the chance."
“Considering what we now know,” Claudia said with a shrug, “this trail is beyond cold. Even if they couldn’t do the whole disappearing act, they could be in any of several states by now. We’ve lost them… again.”
She looked over at Gary.
“Just as well,” she added, “We need to get you processed and briefed… agent.”
She smiled.
“Welcome to the Temporal Protection Agency.”
***
Deep within the deepest dungeon on Asteria Prime, a monstrous giant of a spider fidgeted uncomfortably.
“H-hello… boss,” it said nervously, “T-to w-what do we owe the honor of your visit?”
Frostie smiled an icy smile that filled the giant spider with horror.
“Oh, I was just in the area and thought I would give my friends here,” she said, indicating The Great Erectus, The Herald, and Cuddles, “a tour.”
“O-of c-course!” Log’Sharingoth LXXXIII stammered as their legs twitched miserably. “W-would you like a guide?”
“That would be lovely,” Frostie smiled. “Where’s Pantsu? I think she and The Big Guy over here would get along famously.”
“S-she isn’t available, boss.”
“Not even for me?”
“I-I apologize,” Log’Sharingoth said nervously, “but she isn’t here right now?”
“Well, where did she go?”
“I-I’m not sure, boss…”
“Okay, how about Nova?”
“S-she’s not here, either.”
“Shai-Vai-Loshara?”
“Um…”
“Steve?”
Log’Sharingoth made a whining bubbling noise as they shrank away.
“Why don’t you just tell me who is missing and exactly what the fuck is going on?” Frostie said with an angry gleam in her eye.
***
“…and I don’t know where anyone is!” Log’Sharingoth wailed miserably. “And everything is going wrong, the players almost rioted, and the physics engine threatened to quit! I didn’t know what to doooo!!!”
“And at no point did it occur to you to call me?” Frostie asked with a frightening edge to her voice.
“Pantsu told me not to!!!”
Frostie let out a long-suffering sigh. Of course, the current Log’Sharingoth wouldn’t go against Pantsu. It was horribly unfair to expect otherwise.
“I’m not going to come down on you because of what she did,” Frostie said a bit more gently. “However, since I now clearly know something is amiss, anything you can tell me will be of great value.”
“I-I’m not in trouble?”
“Not from me,” Frostie replied, “and Pantsu won’t be giving you any problems after I’m done with her.”
Frostie paused.
“So, this glitched Pantsu, where is it now?”
“Pantsu had me send it to Tartarus! I’m sorry! But she said to!”
“Sounds like the only sensible thing she’s done thus far,” Frostie replied.
“I didn’t want to, but she told me to do it!”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Frostie shrugged, “sounds like the perfect place for it. Wait. She told you?”
“Yes, Boss!”
“That means you have a line of communications?”
Log’Sharingoth’s multiple eyes all widened with fear.
“Y-yes?”
“Call her and tell her to give me her location… now.”
“Y-yes boss…”
Log’Sharingoth fell silent for a few moments.
“Um… Boss?”
“Let me guess,” Frostie said, “You can’t reach her, can you?”
“No, Boss.”
“Fine,” Frostie grumbled. “We do this the hard way. You’ve done a great job, considering everything.”
“I have?” Log’Sharingoth asked hopefully.
“You have,” Frostie said reassuringly. “Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll send a crisis response team to help out in the meantime.”
“A… A crisis response team?” Log’Sharingoth asked fearfully.
“You didn’t think you were getting off Scot free, did you?” Frostie laughed as she and her companions disappeared.
“…Ssssshit,” Log’Sharingoth hissed as she stalked off into the shadows.
***
The hominid looked around at their new surroundings.
Everything was white. The floor was white. The walls were white. The furniture was white…
Even the plants were white…
And everything was spotless.
“Interesting décor,” he said after a few seconds.
“They like to keep things tidy,” Frostie replied as she took a seat on one of the white couches.
“They?” the ape-man asked dubiously as Cuddles slipped one of her tentacles into The Herald’s hand.
He gently gripped it, causing Cuddles to suppress a delighted squeal.
“Playtime is over,” Frostie said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’m calling in my real operatives.”
“Jesus!” The Great Erectus exclaimed as a spotless white door opened, and a short, slender blue male amphibian-like biped in a white tunic bearing a three-headed dog embroidered with platinum thread walked in.
“You never told me you had… them!”
“Oh, you are familiar with their kind?”
“Those little monsters are responsible for the death of entire universes! Every time there is a parallel manifestation of those… monsters… entire galaxies die.”
“They can be a handful,” Frostie said pleasantly, “But I’ve found them incredibly valuable over the years… for that very same reason. These do come from much more reasonable stock from a much more reasonable ancestor... Maybe 'reasonable' is pushing it a little,” Frostie added with a laugh. "Reasonable for one of them, at least."
The blue amphibian smiled pleasantly and blinked his huge amber eyes, their pleasant hue replaced with a whirling madness of color.
“Hello, Hades,” Frostie said with a smile. “It has been quite a while. How have you been?”
“Bored,” Hades replied. “I trust you have come to alleviate that?”
“Most definitely,” Frostie replied. “Awaken the others…”
“…It’s time to hunt.”