About two years ago I started a relationship with (what was at the time) the girl of my dreams, we had been good friends for three years and it was love at first sight for me. This relationship had some struggles, she got sick and i tried to be there as best as i could for her. I feel like i’ve failed in this part and we split up just shy of a year into our relationship. Now, almost a year to the day since our breakup, i still think everyday about her and what happened.
Since the sickness was quite serious it has left me with some emotional damage as well and i wish i could have just done more for her.
I recently found out she started a new relationship and though i am happy for her that she found someone else after this tough time, i can’t help but feel extremely sad and think “this should have been me”. It looks like he makes her happy and i think she deserves every bit of it. I just wanted that to be me and i can’t help beat myself up over the fact that i didn’t do enough.
Maybe i did all i could and i was just not the right person, idk. I am just very sore about it atm and i needed to get this of my chest.
I just wanted her to be happy and i think i only made things worse

This is going to be long so I apologize in advance. And it’s typed from my phone so sorry. This is not an attempt to work things out or make excuses for my behavior. I want you to understand me and what I feel and why I react how I do.
I was in a abusive relationship with my husband for close to 10 years. I know you know that but I don’t think you fully realize what I went threw. He spent 3 years in prison for what he did to me. He was not only abusive he was an alcoholic and a narcissist.
In the beginning I thought I met prince fucking charming. I felt so lucky to have found someone so perfect and so loving. Mind you I was on 24 I didn’t know villains existed in real life yet. Once he knew I was head over heels and we were married I met the man behind the mask. My whole world got flipped upside down. I had never been spoke to or treated so bad my entire life. And every time I would be done with him the prince would come back out and I’d fall for it. I wanted nothing more then for my marriage to last and the man I married to come back. He knew this and preyed on me for years. Do you know what it feels like to find out the person you loved and sacrificed so much for never cared about you? He only saw dollar signs and a home when he looked at me. He tore me down hit me cheated on me used me and lied every step of the way. I didn’t know what was real or what was fake I have to be on defense mode 24/7. Mind with the person I was absolutely in love with and married too. The mind games he would play were enough for me to try killing myself. He would steal my car, turn off electricity to house, mess with my tires, steal my phone, and have women’s belongings in my house. It was a constant battle for years. Even the police couldn’t help me the best advice I got from a cop was you got yourself into this mess your gonna have to get yourself out of it.
I lost my confidence my credit my tooth my pride my husband and almost my life.
I didn’t date anyone seriously or try to for 5 years or until you. I didn’t know what having feelings for you was going to do to me bc I hadn’t even tried since my ex. It felt good to feel love and to love but along with that comes vulnerability. And it scared the shit out of me. I tried to set boundaries and tell you what I could and couldn’t handle. I knew I didn’t want the same thing to happen again so I was constantly looking for signs, over thinking everything, and over examining everything. Your situation at the time didn’t help and neither did our past.
I want you to know none of this was your fault and there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome. I wasn’t ready for all the love you had to give and I didn’t know bc I hadn’t tried before. I apologize for any pain I caused you but know it wasn’t intentional I had not alternate motive. I only knew I don’t want to be hurt again. And I hurt the person closest to me in the process. I hope this helps your healing process and helps you understand why I was so cautious. It wasn’t to tear you down it was to take care of my heart which had been broken down to nothing in the past. I don’t blame you for quitting.
I need therapy and a lover who can understand my past and love me thru it. It’s going to take a very patient caring loving forgiving and strong man. But I don’t plan on trying that again for years. And I truly am sorry if I had known the damage was so bad I never would of attempted a relationship with you.
Love M🐝🌻

There’s a professor at the college I go to, who honestly looks cool as fuck— he’s really tall, like 6’6 at least, and has really long dreads.
I watched house of the dragon recently, and in it there’s another black man, Corlys Velaryan, who’s super tall and long dreads. The professor’s dreads aren’t white like Corlys’s, but since they’re both black men who are super tall and have long dreads, those things reminded me of the professor when I saw Corlys on screen.
I was talking to my friend taking a class with that professor, and I mentioned the similarity. My friend agreed. This girl has overheard our conversation and jumped in, saying that my saying two black men looked identical because of their race was racist.
I pointed out I wasn’t saying they were identical— their faces obviously look different, the similarly is the hairstyle and the height, leading me to say one reminds me of the other. Nothing more. And I don’t think that’s racist.
She asked me how I’d feel if somebody said another asian guy reminded them of me because they had the same hairstyle and height. I said I would be completely fine with that, because if somebody had similar features to me, of course they’d remind people that knew me of me.
She just shook her head, called us racist AHs, and walked off. I don’t think it’s as serious as she’s claiming— all I said was that my professor shared distinctive physical traits with a guy in a TV show, and that’s all.

My grandparents began dating at 13 and 15, and immigrated together to raise their family. My grandpa was an incredibly intelligent and caring person. He went to night school after work to get a better job to support his family. My grandma loved children, and was outspoken, always keeping everyone in check. They raised 3 children, with their one daughter being my mother.
My mom was closest to them. She raised me in their town with my father. My grandparents had always shown me so much love in my childhood, taking care of me on weekends and after school. We would have drawing competitions and play all day, it is where I experienced my most authentic and treasured childhood.
For as long as I can remember, my house was full of conflict between my mother and father, and when I got older, myself too. I genuinely felt unloved by them. I was screamed at, intimidated, things were thrown at me. I would lock myself in my room and hear my father standing outside jiggling the doorknob, threatening me. I was terrified of him. My mother did not help me as much as I wished she did. I was often left alone with him when fighting broke out, trying my best to save my dogs from my father as well (because he would hit them, too). As an older teenager, I ran away whenever I wanted. I had no real authority over me. My parents tried , but my respect for them was far gone. I was leaving school every day, taking spontaneous trips to towns hours away, and fighting with teachers daily.
One day, after my mom began threatening to give away my pets because I didn’t pay a phone bill, I said I was going to spend the night at my grandparents house. They were still close with us and came over for dinner once a week, but I rarely spent time alone with them anymore. My mother told me there was no point in going to my grandparents house because she had told them “how I was”. I will never, ever forget this. Around this time I remember my grandparents saying things to me like “we are still your grandparents, you don’t need to be embarrassed of us, you should talk with us more”. Thinking back, I wish I could tell them I wasn’t embarrassed of them at all, I loved (and still love) them more than any other family member, I just didn’t know how to be close with family anymore.
My grandparents died last year within a few months of eachother. When my grandpa died, I hadn’t called him in two months. I regret it every day, and I wish they lived long enough for me to explain my childhood and why I acted the way I did. I have an ok, but very distant, relationship with my parents now. Maybe one day I will tell them how I feel about this.
I mourn my grandparents deeply, but also the little girl who never got to live without fear.

https://www.youtube.com/live/xG_LLoVKet4?feature=share
Time stamp 1:19:00 girl leaves over debate about rape culture Waka seems concerned about her
Time stamp 1:26:00 Waka leaves
3:06:00 rape culture debate comes back up and 4 girls leave over the topic.
Last night was wild. Seemed like Waka was concerned about the first girl who left cause he said he could tell she been thru some shit in her life. When the girls were leaving Myron said “yea get the fuck out of here”. The shit was insensitive and cringe to watch. Please check out the time stamps I posted bros.
There was also a debate about what’s worse a man or woman with high body count. Waka won’t really feeling that topic either.

So I (20M) went to a Christian retreat for a week and had a wonderful time. I met the girl (19F) of my dreams. She's perfect in every way, not only beautiful but with a vibrant personality that has great chemistry with me. We share the same fundamental Christian values and goals in our lives as well. I've met a lot of women, but have never been so in love. What is even more amazing is that she is attracted to me as well. I could write a whole essay on all the hints we dropped on each other that shows our mutual attraction, but I will omit it for the sake of brevity. All I need to say is that we spent almost all of our free time together on the trip and got to know each other quite well, talking for hours on end late into multiple nights. Just to be clearly transparent, there was no physical touching of any sort besides leaning against each other while watching movies/relaxing and also square dancing for about two hours for a dancing event at the retreat. We also fell asleep next to each other on the couch as we stayed up too late. This was almost most definitely seen by other people, but I didn't think too much of it. On the retreat, we also can write cards to each other. Most people write 20-second cards to each other and don't think too much of it. I decided to take approximately 2-3 hours in the night making a very special card for her that had about the best art I could manage and was as intricate as I could make it. I also poured out my heart into it and was as real as I could be. I told her not to read it until after the trip. When she eventually read it, she thought it was the sweetest and most eloquent thing ever. I could not be happier at how well she took it. She also wrote me a card of similar quality that was very kind and sweet.
​
Now, for the problem:
On the trip, when we talked about who we were dating, I said I was currently single and she said she was "talking" to someone (take that as you will). Over time, I eventually learned that essentially, a little over 2 months ago, she broke up with her high school long-distance relationship ex. After breaking up with her long-distance ex, she met this other guy (20M), who we'll call Mr. X. So she and Mr. X have been "talking"/hanging out (with romantic intent) for approximately 2 months. She said that she is disappointed in how Mr. X is not willing to commit to their relationship fully and is taking it too slowly. Apparently, she also dislikes how he does not make much time for her (has only hanged out with her once in the last month). Because I did not think this relationship was that serious, I did not think it to be a big deal if I continued hanging out with her, especially if she was reciprocating interest (tho please tell me if I'm wrong!). Also, it is worth noting that Mr. X was not present on this week-long retreat.
Anyways, after getting back from the retreat, this special girl and I continued to hang out for a day. She invited me to go to her church with her and I agreed. It was quite enjoyable. She also invited me to her Bible study, which I accepted as well. It is worth noting that Mr. X does not go with her to either of these, though he is Christian as well as both of us. However, it was around this time that someone from the retreat notified Mr. X of how extensively the girl and I were hanging out. He obviously did not take this very well and was quite hurt. He posted on his story that he "doesn't believe in love anymore". The girl then told me that she was quite anxious about the whole thing and would meet up with Mr. X later in the week to talk everything out. She said she did not want to hang out with me until then and thought I shouldn't go to her Bible study this week after all, which is quite understandable. She then apologized.
​
After receiving this message, I have no clue what to do and am quite anxious about the whole situation. She is so perfect and never in my life, out of all the women I've hanged out with, have I met someone so perfect. I'm not sure how to respond to her right now. All I can think of is letting her have her space and time to make her own decision, but I can't help but feel powerless and possibly at risk of losing someone I care about so deeply. If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you

Something's missing. People (and entities) are starting to notice.
First Previous
***
Far across the multiverse in a tavern that, depending on one’s point of view, may or may not have actually existed, Zeb, Petunia, Bethany, Bergamot, Cleve, and Zilandrial sat at a large wooden table.
“Thank you, Shauna,” Bergamot said as a buxom woman in a low-cut peasant dress filled their mugs with a “magic” pitcher of beer that never ran dry. “You don’t have to serve us, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” Shauna replied brightly, “but I am a barmaid. Besides, I am not giving up my magic pitcher!” she added with a laugh. “The next batch of stew should be out in a second.”
“If it is as good as this bread…” Cleve said, holding up a thick, floppy piece of flatbread.
“Better!” Shauna exclaimed. “The pantry keeps filling back up with the best stuff! It’s almost a shame to make stew out of it, but the “fancy” chef went to the “fancy” place. We just figured out the roaster thingy, so we’ll be serving roast fowl as soon as the first batch cooks!”
Shauna paused and took a big drink from her pitcher.
“It turns out that you just had to talk to it. Weird… But no weirder than anything else, I suppose. You guys want to wait for the roast fowl?”
“We shouldn’t tary,” Zeb replied, “We don’t know how long this blessed peace will last.”
“Maybe it’s over?” Bethany the Tinker, now reunited with her beloved hat, asked.
“One can hope,” Zeb shrugged as he drank deeply from his tankard, “but I’m not delaying my repast, and neither should you. When you have fiends like Pantsu and F10w3rchy1d in play, things can get much worse than they already are.”
“Worse?!?” Bergamot exclaimed in horror.
***
Melinda the Stalwart was starting to believe that she should have stayed in bed today.
It was supposed to be her day off! Yeah, things were starting to get “weird,” but with all of those high-rated champions running around up north, it was probably going to get handled pretty quickly… and she was tired of chasing around after their scraps.
Her copper-rated ass was sitting this one out. The fact that everyone had gone gank-crazy just further confirmed that she had the right idea.
So, she decided to head back to the royal city of Raven’s Peak to take advantage of the richer and more powerful adventurers running off to the north, leaving all the armorers, enchanters, alchemists, and publicans in town behind.
It was nice not constantly getting shoved out of the way by stronger champions and ignored by shopkeepers far more interested in their gold than her silver for once.
It started out as such a lovely day, too!
She awoke in a lovely bed at the Blade and Wand, her absolute favorite inn, and a place where it was nearly impossible to get a room without a reservation or a lot more status than she had. There, she enjoyed a wonderful breakfast, at a discounted rate no less, and then went out for a day of crowd-free shopping!
It. Was. Bliss! There were no lines, and all of the storekeepers and craftsmen were all too happy to not only serve her and her meager purse but actually take time to chat!
Then, for lunch, she decided to visit the main branch of the adventurer’s guild, where she had an honest-to-gosh hamburger and fries along with some cider. After that, the plan was to get some training or maybe buy a buff or two…
Well, that was the plan, anyway.
What actually happened was that her wonderful burger, which she could never get under normal circumstances (they were always sold out before a copper-rated nobody could get their coppers taken), was interrupted by the most unholy screams she had ever heard inside or outside a dungeon.
She barely had time to stand before the doors to the guild offices exploded outward, and a demon covered in spikes and flames charged into the main hall.
That looks just like the guildmaster, was about all she had time to think before the fiend was on her.
***
“What’s happening?!?” Melinda cried in terror as she hurtled through absolutely nothing.
(Shh bby is ok)
“H-hello?” she called.
(😊)
“W-who are you? What happened to me?”
(Shh bby is ok)
“Am I… Am I dead?!?”
(is ok)
“Oh, it is definitely NOT okay! Who are you, and what the hell happened?”
The bedbug sighed with exasperation as it bounced off an invisible barrier again.
It had taken too long. The soul was starting to wake up.
Before much longer, it would start to get wiggly. It hated it when they began to wiggle.
Not knowing exactly what else to do, it let out a little ping.
It was answered by thousands of its kind! They couldn’t get through either, so they were having a rave! Awesome!
With a happy little (woo!), it zipped off towards the largest concentration of pings dragging an increasingly indignant Melinda the Stalwart along whether she wanted to or not.
***
“Hahaha!” Tawdry laughed into a prepaid “burner phone” her parents didn’t know about. “I can’t be-lieve you got me fucking grounded, you skank!”
“You’re still grounded?” Claudia snickered, “You diminished that badly?”
“It’s my parents. I managed to talk them down to a week without brain fucking them too hard. Besides, this cell is a lot nicer than the holes you used to stick me in. I’ll just do my time and be done with it. Besides, it will give our friends time to leave town since someone can’t manage to find a freaking truck.”
“First of all, fuck you,” Claudia laughed, “Second of all, thanks for getting that bastard to show up in a park and chase you across all of that nice soft turf. We got a lot of data we didn’t have before.”
“Like what?”
“Like its estimated mass, tire treads, a few lovely material samples where it nailed a park bench while trying to kill you… oh, and confirmation that it actually materializes and dematerializes. We can only assume the little bitch does the same thing. Too bad you couldn’t actually lay hands on her.”
“She was slippery, okay?” Tawdry chuckled.
“Hey,” Claudia said, “before Evika and her party ganked you, did they say anything about whom they were working for, or did they mention a little blonde girl named Petunia… or Pantsu?”
“No, they just said hi and blew my head off. Oh! Stephen did say that David finally confessed to Evika!”
“Took him long enough,” Claudia laughed, “Think he has a chance?”
“I know he has one,” Tawdry replied, “Evika’s gonna drop those drawers any second.”
“Good for her.”
“You said that Robert the Golden Peckerhead got sent back?”
“Yeah, and he is not adjusting well,” Claudia replied, “We have him in a ‘special’ inpatient facility where we are keeping the people with ‘issues’.”
“You got a lot of ‘patients’?”
“Not as many as you would think,” Claudia said, “Not everyone is happy about things, but there is something to be said about not having to sleep with a dagger under your pillow.”
“True that,” Tawdry replied. “High school is a pain, but being able to go out for pizza without an enraged wife (or husband) trying to shank you is nice.”
“Careful,” Claudia laughed, “Enraged spouses here might have a gun. You might want to go easy on the adultery this time around. There is also no magic contraception, and cure disease potions aren’t for sale in every town.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Tawdry groaned. “Doesn’t really matter, though. I might as well be a nun these days.”
“You can’t be diminished that much!”
“I am not into kids, and any man worth screwing isn’t into jailbait. I’m the exact opposite of screwed… Speaking of, you did mention a possible trip to Denmark?”
“Aren’t you grounded?”
“I won’t be next week!”
“And how will you explain your sex tourism to your folks?”
“Let me worry about my folks,” Tawdry replied, “You worry about that plane ticket!”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Claudia replied with a chuckle.
Natasha! Come down for dinner!
“I’ll be right there!” Tawdry yelled.
“I gotta go. It’s taco night…”
Tawdry grinned.
“Speaking of tacos, did you get that camel toe fixed yet?”
“And just when we were even, too!” Claudia laughed. “Your little suggestion has everyone looking at my snatch… including me, and I know it’s bullshit!”
“Ha! Is your new fuck toy looking?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Detective Martin! I know you have a thing for that whole world-weary crusader vibe. And don’t think I didn’t see you checking out his ass, either.”
“I have the same problem you do,” Claudia sighed, “worse even. The sort of man I like certainly won’t be messing around with a ‘kid’, even if I am ‘legal’.”
“Yeah, you do like them a bit crusty, don’t you? How about finding some rich asshole who is having a mid-life crisis?”
“I will repeat myself. The sort of man I would like isn’t interested… and won’t be for years.”
“Meh. You’re not giving yourself enough credit… and giving them far too much of it.”
“Well, Slaker turned me down cold… goddamn chain of command…”
“No! You tried to give it up to Slaker?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time…”
“No way! I need details, all of them!”
“Well…”
Natasha! Dinner!
“I have to go,” Tawdry said, “but this is not over!”
***
Vroom? an old Peterbilt truck revved as it sat in a remote corner of a truck stop in the middle of nowhere.
“Still nothing,” the little girl huffed. “How can an entire universe disappear?”
Vroom… Vroom?
“Let’s hope not,” the girl replied, “Even so, he wouldn’t abandon us!”
“What?” the spirit asked with alarm.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” the little girl replied.
“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”
“Okay,” the little girl replied, “There is a remote chance that our boss has had to… um… cease operations and relocate. It hasn’t happened in a really long time, but it has happened.”
“Does that mean that I’m stuck?!?”
“No, of course not. It just means we might have to wait until we’re collected.”
Vroom.
“He won’t forget us!”
VroOoom…
“Hey! Don’t even start talking like that! We’ve done good work for the boss on several worlds. He won’t just discard us!”
“What do you mean, discard?”
“Just watch your anime, weeb,” the little girl snapped. “He hasn’t abandoned us, and he won’t forget us. He’s just… um…”
Vroom.
“I don’t know, alright!” the little girl replied angrily, “I have no idea where those others came from. All I know is that we didn’t squish them.”
VvvrOom.
“If he had another team, I would know about it!”
Vroom?
“I just would, okay! WE AREN’T GETTING REPLACED!... I’m… I’m going to get some air, maybe a Coke or something.”
The little girl threw open the door to the cab angrily and hopped out.
“Hey!” the spirit yelled, “See if they have any audiobooks!”
***
We’ve been abandoned… the little girl thought to herself as she prowled the truck stop trying not to panic.
She had to keep it together for Truck-Kun… and their new companion. If she fell apart, Truck-Kun would, too, and who knows what the spirit would do. He was two seconds from making another run for it as it was.
She paused by a rack of dusty old audiobooks on CD. Now that wasn’t something she had seen in a bit.
Thankful for the distraction, she started perusing the titles. Some of them were things she hadn’t already read (or listened to).
She grabbed a few for herself and then started looking for something appropriately nerdy for her new guest.
She might have murdered them in cold blood, but that was no reason not to be a good host.
She was so distracted by her own troubles and the audiobooks that she didn’t notice that she was being followed until the guy’s shadow fell around her.
She then became aware of his oily aura and smiled.
All work and no play…
“Hello, little girl…”
She looked up at him with an innocent expression and doe-like eyes.
“Hi.”
***
Truck-Kun quietly ground his gears as he watched a beat-up RV pull onto the highway.
Vroom, he grumbled as he put himself in gear and started to follow.
“What?” the spirit asked.
About half an hour later, Truck-Kun pulled over next to an RV that was parked on the side of the highway.
The door opened, and the little girl hopped out, holding a paper bag.
Vroom, the truck revved disapprovingly.
“Such a nice man,” the little girl said impishly as she plopped into the driver’s seat, and the truck drove away.
“Are those bloodstains?” the spirit asked as he pointed at the bag.
“What answer would you prefer?” the girl asked as she pulled out a half-filled fifth of vodka and most of a pack of smokes graciously donated by the nice man in the RV (it wasn’t like he was going to be needing them).
Vroom.
“I know I quit,” the girl replied as she put one in her mouth. “Give me a break. My nerves are shot.”
Vroom.
“Yes, shot enough to smoke menthols!”
The little girl lit up and drew heavily on the cigarette, exhaling a lovely smoke ring.
Vroom!
“So, crack a window!”
Vroom! Vroom! Vrooooom!
“You can’t smell, and you know it! So please, cut me some slack. I’ve had a bad day,” she said as she turned up the bottle of vodka like it was Juicy Juice.
Vroom!
“I know you’ve had a bad day, too,” the girl said as she wiped her mouth, “Want me to get you some fuel treatment at the next stop, maybe some starting fluid?”
Vroom.
“Okay, and a new air freshener, maybe some of those fuzzy dice you like? Deal?”
Vroom!… Vroom?
“As a matter of fact,” the little girl said as she pulled out a wad of bills. “the nice man did keep his cash on him.”
Vroom! the truck revved happily.
***
“Jesus!” Gary Martin, formerly Detective Martin, winced as he looked inside an abandoned old RV the following day.
“Say what you want about her,” Claudia Smythe said as she ate a corn dog. “but she is thorough.”
“We think the girl did this?”
“Matches her MO,” Claudia shrugged as she flicked the corn dog stick aside. “And we have surveillance footage at the truck stop. The asshole was talking to someone small, the cameras didn’t get a good shot of the kid, and eyewitnesses state that he was in the company of his ‘daughter’ when he left.”
“You said this was her MO. She’s done this before?” Gary asked.
“She rolls guys like this for their pocket change. We’re not sure if it’s how they finance their operations or if she just does it for fun, but this is the third one this year.”
A well-dressed and very young man in sunglasses approached the pair.
“Sir Lark,” Claudia said without turning around. “We have an ID on this guy yet?”
“Boris Veetch,” the young man said. “a registered sex offender with an active warrant for skipping out on his parole.”
“Yeah, she likes those,” Claudia shrugged. “Nobody will mourn his passing. He was easily ensnared, and he probably was carrying cash.”
“And she is professional bait,” Gary shrugged. “He was slime, but I’m not sure even he deserved what happened to him, though. What sort of monster would do something like this?”
“You just answered your own question,” Claudia replied, “a monster.”
“If you think this is bad," Lark said as he started photographing the scene, "You should see what a pack of goblins will do if they get the chance."
“Considering what we now know,” Claudia said with a shrug, “this trail is beyond cold. Even if they couldn’t do the whole disappearing act, they could be in any of several states by now. We’ve lost them… again.”
She looked over at Gary.
“Just as well,” she added, “We need to get you processed and briefed… agent.”
She smiled.
“Welcome to the Temporal Protection Agency.”
***
Deep within the deepest dungeon on Asteria Prime, a monstrous giant of a spider fidgeted uncomfortably.
“H-hello… boss,” it said nervously, “T-to w-what do we owe the honor of your visit?”
Frostie smiled an icy smile that filled the giant spider with horror.
“Oh, I was just in the area and thought I would give my friends here,” she said, indicating The Great Erectus, The Herald, and Cuddles, “a tour.”
“O-of c-course!” Log’Sharingoth LXXXIII stammered as their legs twitched miserably. “W-would you like a guide?”
“That would be lovely,” Frostie smiled. “Where’s Pantsu? I think she and The Big Guy over here would get along famously.”
“S-she isn’t available, boss.”
“Not even for me?”
“I-I apologize,” Log’Sharingoth said nervously, “but she isn’t here right now?”
“Well, where did she go?”
“I-I’m not sure, boss…”
“Okay, how about Nova?”
“S-she’s not here, either.”
“Shai-Vai-Loshara?”
“Um…”
“Steve?”
Log’Sharingoth made a whining bubbling noise as they shrank away.
“Why don’t you just tell me who is missing and exactly what the fuck is going on?” Frostie said with an angry gleam in her eye.
***
“…and I don’t know where anyone is!” Log’Sharingoth wailed miserably. “And everything is going wrong, the players almost rioted, and the physics engine threatened to quit! I didn’t know what to doooo!!!”
“And at no point did it occur to you to call me?” Frostie asked with a frightening edge to her voice.
“Pantsu told me not to!!!”
Frostie let out a long-suffering sigh. Of course, the current Log’Sharingoth wouldn’t go against Pantsu. It was horribly unfair to expect otherwise.
“I’m not going to come down on you because of what she did,” Frostie said a bit more gently. “However, since I now clearly know something is amiss, anything you can tell me will be of great value.”
“I-I’m not in trouble?”
“Not from me,” Frostie replied, “and Pantsu won’t be giving you any problems after I’m done with her.”
Frostie paused.
“So, this glitched Pantsu, where is it now?”
“Pantsu had me send it to Tartarus! I’m sorry! But she said to!”
“Sounds like the only sensible thing she’s done thus far,” Frostie replied.
“I didn’t want to, but she told me to do it!”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Frostie shrugged, “sounds like the perfect place for it. Wait. She told you?”
“Yes, Boss!”
“That means you have a line of communications?”
Log’Sharingoth’s multiple eyes all widened with fear.
“Y-yes?”
“Call her and tell her to give me her location… now.”
“Y-yes boss…”
Log’Sharingoth fell silent for a few moments.
“Um… Boss?”
“Let me guess,” Frostie said, “You can’t reach her, can you?”
“No, Boss.”
“Fine,” Frostie grumbled. “We do this the hard way. You’ve done a great job, considering everything.”
“I have?” Log’Sharingoth asked hopefully.
“You have,” Frostie said reassuringly. “Keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll send a crisis response team to help out in the meantime.”
“A… A crisis response team?” Log’Sharingoth asked fearfully.
“You didn’t think you were getting off Scot free, did you?” Frostie laughed as she and her companions disappeared.
“…Ssssshit,” Log’Sharingoth hissed as she stalked off into the shadows.
***
The hominid looked around at their new surroundings.
Everything was white. The floor was white. The walls were white. The furniture was white…
Even the plants were white…
And everything was spotless.
“Interesting décor,” he said after a few seconds.
“They like to keep things tidy,” Frostie replied as she took a seat on one of the white couches.
“They?” the ape-man asked dubiously as Cuddles slipped one of her tentacles into The Herald’s hand.
He gently gripped it, causing Cuddles to suppress a delighted squeal.
“Playtime is over,” Frostie said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’m calling in my real operatives.”
“Jesus!” The Great Erectus exclaimed as a spotless white door opened, and a short, slender blue male amphibian-like biped in a white tunic bearing a three-headed dog embroidered with platinum thread walked in.
“You never told me you had… them!”
“Oh, you are familiar with their kind?”
“Those little monsters are responsible for the death of entire universes! Every time there is a parallel manifestation of those… monsters… entire galaxies die.”
“They can be a handful,” Frostie said pleasantly, “But I’ve found them incredibly valuable over the years… for that very same reason. These do come from much more reasonable stock from a much more reasonable ancestor... Maybe 'reasonable' is pushing it a little,” Frostie added with a laugh. "Reasonable for one of them, at least."
The blue amphibian smiled pleasantly and blinked his huge amber eyes, their pleasant hue replaced with a whirling madness of color.
“Hello, Hades,” Frostie said with a smile. “It has been quite a while. How have you been?”
“Bored,” Hades replied. “I trust you have come to alleviate that?”
“Most definitely,” Frostie replied. “Awaken the others…”
“…It’s time to hunt.”

Okh so the thing is this boy shifted his whole job to be in fwb kindaa situation with me.. I was totally happy too.. But he looks very different like very different I know all the looks don't matter crap but for me it's like he broked my trust in some way.. Still i decided to let it happen.. Meet and stuff out of guilt Obvio... But he is way older then me like 7 years and so he is bossy and he scares me when he says me something and i ignore, he goes like "repeat what i just said" in a way that creeps me out and also that "do not ever look away when i am talking" makes me feel like a 9 year old all over again, and the way he teaches me around like i am 21 for God's sake i know how and what to talk.. Idk.. I did make out with him in guilt...
Yes i know i could have said no.. But he kept repeating i came for you and stuff and started doing things i tried to stop but he blamed me and in that guilt.. With tears in my eyes i had to do kisses and stuff... Fuckkkk!!!
Now i don't know how to cut this man off.. Only and only because of guilt i am so confused.. Am i being the bad person here for not being interested in a person who claims he shifted for me..
... Also fyi he has some major anger issues i could see in his eyes on our first meet itself.. Everytime he scolded me like a 10 year old girl i ignored him and kept eating.. He got his head nerves dancing... Fucked up

I get jealous of the girls that my boyfriend has been with all the time. I am a virgin, and we haven’t had sex yet. I’m worried I won’t be able to perform like they do, that I’m not pretty or sexy enough for him. I worry that he wont view me as special because he’s already been with other girls. I’ve improved significantly with my jealousy, but I just want to completely eradicate it. What do I do?

I understand my 51 year old dad is grieving from my mom's death however finding out that he's looking for someone who isn't "old and barren" to start over with is really what childfree people are looking to avoid. My dad has a 6 year old son who is my full brother, all my siblings came from my parents marriage of 29 years 11 months. I am 29 and my sister is 30.my 24 year old sister just got pregnant and all I hear is how my decision is great but what is really the best is starting a family. My dad wants an additional 5 kids so my brother grows up in a big family. I think he's just looking for a 20 year old to bang. He said any age no matter how young is fine as long as she's a young catholic girl (he goes to mass daily now) and is willing to have 5 kids.
I can't help but feel like he's pushing away his older kids. Why breed at 51? Especially going online and taking about how these "barren old ladies" keep on trying to talk to you when they're in their 41 or 42. He wants someone younger than his kids who are "limited".
I mean why do I get to hear about how bad it is to be child free yet banging someone 30 years younger than you to start over is seen as fine as long as you don't get her knocked up before marriage. It's fucked up, right?

Me and my boyfriend live together and have been dating for around a year and a half. The first 3 months of our relationship i found so many pictures of naked women on his phone while looking for a picture of us on his photo gallery. I confronted him he apologized deleted everything and i forgave him cause he said he’ll never do anything like that again. He’s had a problem with porn and onlyfans throughout our whole relationship and i don’t mind him watching porn but onlyfans and searching up women and looking at their twitter really hurts my feelings. I’ve had to ask him constantly to stop and he says he promises he will but i’ll look through his phone every once in awhile and then there’s always something on there. I told him 2 months if he were to do something like this one more time it’s over, i said this because when i was on his laptop doing my homework i found a page that was 5 pages long of links to OF and he said he promised that it was old and he won’t do anything like this because he knows how much it effects and hurts me.2 Days ago i went through his phone because i was just curious and really didn’t think i would find anything and his private browser was full of OF pages and some twitter girls. I was beyond hurt and confronted him and all he did was lie to my face so i packed my stuff to leave his house but he begged me to stay and me being weak i did. Now i’m at work thinking about everything and don’t know what to do because i want to stay with him but he’s repeatedly lied and broken my trust.

Ee story meeku pilla story la anipinchachu, comments lo nannu eskokandi.
Story ki vasthe..... naaku frnds chaala thakkuva and vallalo close ga matladedhi muggurithone. Aa muggurilo okadu US vellipoyadu. Recent ga vaaditho kuda maatladadam kashtam avthondhi. Inka migilindhi idharu, A(M) and B(F). Mugguram chaala close frnds. Undedhi diff cities aina roju maatladukuntam, trips ki velthuntam ala edho jarigipothundhi.
Asalu story ki vasthe, A and B are schoolmates and nenu A ki college mate. A had a crush on B. But B said that she doesn't want to be in a relatiion, so no chepindhi. A kuda sare annadu. But they still remained frnds after this. A nenu frnds avvadam valla B naaku parichayam ayyindhi. Idhi ayyi almost 1 year avthundhi. Ala andharam close ayyam, antha baane undhi. Ippudu B ki guilt vallano or inkemannano, she set her cousin C(F) up with A. A kuda thanatho maatladevaadu. Ee kramam lo C recently told A that she likes him. A ki kuda C ante ishtame. Antha bagundhi. Kaani prblm entante, C doesn't know that A had a crush on B and that they're close frnds. Ee vishayam A wants to tell C before they are getting into any sort of relationship. As part of this, he wants to stop talking to B because he feels like he is 'cheating' on C. He also wants me to stop talking with her. Mundhu cheppinattu, neno pedha introvert ni. naaku unnadhe idharu frnds, vallalo okadochi inkollatho maatladodhu ante naaku ento ga undhi. Naa worst nightmares, that I'll end up alone, nijam avthunattu anipisthondhi. I don't want to lose any of them.
Maree exaggerate chesi chepthunna anukokandi. Genuine ga alane anipisthundhi. Pilla story anukokunda konchem em cheyalo cheppandi bondhas🫡

So my exwbpd wasn't a huge social media user (that I know of) and I don't use social media at all. One weird thing I noticed though was that he had multiple accounts on every platform. I'm talking 3 Facebook accounts, 4 Instagram accounts, etc. And about a dozen different emails. Most were under his name or his gamer tag. He'd admitted to "accidentally" catfishing someone as a teenager, so I don't know if that plays any part in it.
All the accounts were inactive, to my knowledge, but it seemed weird to me. I remember asking him once and he just said he lost the passwords. This is untrue, at least regarding his multiple email accounts. I always had access to his phone, but I never checked anything throughout our relationship. (I was dumb and trusted him). To my knowledge he never cheated, but he also claimed to hate cheaters with a passion, which I'm starting to think may have been a bit of projection.
I cannot tell if this is a red flag or what in the world it could mean, if anything. Also doesn't help that in our year and a half together I only met one of his friends and never even knew a single name out of any of his exes. His entire past and life outside of our relationship is a complete mystery to me.

We had issues and had broken up for about a month but decided we wanted to work things out. I went all in, gave it all I had and got her back. Planned my spring break trip to go and stay in a place close to her as it was too late for me to join her group. I did this so I could spend my birthday with her. Got down there met up hung out on the beach all seemed great. Later that night we planned to go out together with friends but my group decided not to bc of the price for below 21 she decided to stay with her friends (couldn’t blame her). We decided to go back to our hotel and hangout. I wasn’t hearing much from her and i was frustrated she was obviously very intoxicated. I got mad and let her know i was upset then went to bed. Next day she made me think that everything was my fault and we might break up because i was angry the night before. We discussed it i apologized then at the very end after we resolved her issues she says “there is something you might break up with me over”. She let me know that the night before she had been talking to some guys and one of them bought her a drink and then they talked some. he asked her for her snapchat and she gave him her instagram. i was in her bio at the time and later that night she decided to remove my name from it. she tried to to say it was unrelated to her giving that guy her instagram. I trusted her and decided that we should wait until the end of the week to make any decisions but i had one condition that she not go to any bars without me. this was the the day before my birthday. i was very upset and let her know that she was gonna have to prove to me again that i could trust her. Very bad idea shouldve dumped her on the spot. The next day(my birthday)i decide to call her i wanted to talk things over but she lets me know that i’m not worth the trouble that it would take for us to fix the problems she’s now caused and that if she was truly happy with me she wouldn’t have done what she did. Things got heated i said things i shouldn’t have said but don’t think i went too far. Tried to make the most of the trip obvioulsy it wasn’t what i wanted but i powered through and distracted myself as best i could and now i’m back in the fallout of what happened. not sure what to do at this point or why i’m posting this but hopefully i can find some benefit from this. sorry for the long read. Note: i understand it debatable to say she cheated however i believe there was more to the story than she admitted. I also have not spoken to her since that day.

A friend of mine asked me out. Not “just” a friend though…he’s one of my closest friends. I’ve always liked him as a friend but lately, it’s grown into more of a “I like him THAT way” kind of thing. So of course, I was excited when he asked me out! Annnnd then I started thinking. This isn’t a date with someone I haven’t known that long. This is someone I’ve known for as long as I can remember. We’re both 23 and this is a little embarrassing for me to say…but I’ve only ever been on one date before and it didn’t work out (the guy didn’t treat me very well).
I don’t even know the kind of advice I should be asking for, so honestly I’ll take what I can get. My first thought was “yeah, be myself!”. But what that is, is a shy girl who’s a bit of a nerd, who also overthinks a lot, and gets uncomfortable around a lot of people! He knows that already…which is why he picked a smaller place that isn’t big enough to get to the level of crowded that makes me uncomfortable (and is also actually one of my favorite places). So that’s why I’m here! I just need some help because I really want this to go well and work out

hahaha so nagsubmit ako nang portfolio sa isang studio for fun and surprisingly gusto pa nilang makita yung ibang work ko. the thing is, kapag natanggap ka, need mong magrelocate dun kung saan sila based + may training.
im really tempted to submit pa, although hindi naman rin talaga ako sure if matatangap ako pero WHAT IF???
"Magsubmit ka nalang OP tapos decide nalang when the result arrives" nasa prleims palang kami ng second sem TTOTT plus im worried na kapag pipiliin ko yun, if ever sa future magdecide ako na gusto ko bumalik sa college para makakuha ng degree, hindi enough yung funds ko kasi likely na ikacut off ako sa mga relatives ni mama since sila nagpumilit na ipa-aral ako starting sa pandemic ahahahah (hindi kasi namin afford ni mama since single mom po siya and she needs the money for herself since she's getting old na).
and if matanggap nga ako, then ano??? sasabihan ko si employer na "ah sorry tatapusin ko muna pag aaral ko", ayoko silang pinapamukhang tanga TTOTT HINDI KO KASI ENIXPECT NA HINDI AKO MAREREJECT (oh baka hindi talaga sila nangrereject, motivational speech lang yun to work on our portfolio or idk basta they told me na magshow pa ng ibang works kasi may potential TTOTT) gusto rin yung work kasi gusto ko yung art
my partner (he s very supportive na i take this job since alam niya gaano ako kapassionate sa art) offered to help fund my schooling if ever pero aaaaaa hindi niya responsibilidad yonn. sana conventionally matalino nalang ako like yung marunong sa math at science, hirap maging artist na nasa pilipinas minsan eh hahaahah
anyhoo need ko yung degree as a last resort kasi. Yes, I'm aware you don't need degrees to succeed but I argue that broadens your opportunities. but arghh im faced with an opportunity id like to take but knowing my circumstances :((
ngl im slowly dreading my course kasi ang weak ng foundations ko for it since 1st year college ko was during pandemic so 2 years ako naka full online. im sadly one of those students na nahihirapan talaga sa online setup :(( i really wanna finish it pero idk if i can keep up with the stress its giving me (its a 5 year course; im in 3rd year na). im stressed na with a lot of things, and its physically taking a toll on me ahhaha 2 really bad headaches in less than a week?? okay pa ba tayo girl may deadline kapa ngayong friday TOT
anyhoo yun lang. gusto ko lang magrant. salamat sa pakikinig kaibigan

​
https://www.buzzsprout.com/371360/8844528
Transcript: https://www.johannadraconis.com/episode-81-100

Intro [0:00]

Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we do things a little bit different. With this being the 100th episode, I thought it would be a good time to redo the introduction, as quite a bit has changed since then.
We will go chronically from my earliest years to the most recent perspective. I will summarize a lot to keep the size manageable and try to avoid being graphic or anything the like. This should help not to overwhelm people.
I have more information in episode 1 and there will be more on the website or in doubt just ask me. That being said - lets get started.
​

Early years [0:47]

We start… with me being a baby. Even that early the abuse started, not that I have any memories of that, but there are family videos with strong indication of what is happening off screen, but not off sound. The body remembers and it causes a unique trauma.
I suffered through every version of trauma at least once, except being penetrated - before I even entered primary school around age 6. This also includes the torture. I also lived in constant fear of dying through the whole time. Non stop. 24/7.
I had a main abuser, no not my parents, but also a wide array of lesser abusers in my family. I was able to identify some now on the narcissism spectrum - which is rather hard given the subject matter.
So one can say I have an extensive knowledge about trauma - to put it mildly. Despite being the perfect little girl they told me to be, so the bad things wouldn’t happen. And did I try to be that good girl. But it was set out to fail from the start.
​

It gets worse [2:12]

And it only gotten worse from there - as in starting around age 6. Besides the daily beating - the other behaviors became more and more escalating. All while the daily beating just got worse and will end up causing nerve damage in my arms.
Which was a trade in for my brain, that I desperately tried to protect and succeeded to do so. But as bad as the beating were, they were on a schedule. The surprise attacks during the day were worse and more dangerous.
While in the evening it was just to let out all the anger - during the day he exploded and had no limits how far things could go. This was when he went the farthest and was the most unhinged. Where he liked to experiment. Where my suffering was the focus.
Around age 12 it started getting more towards psychological torment. Despite that, one of the consequences was that my body started to deteriorate slowly, but steadily. Something I still feel the consequences of to this day… and likely will stronger in the future.
At age 16+ it came to a showdown which ended with the whole ordeal ending… the physical side mostly at least. But my mental state nonetheless kept getting worse - slowly, but inevitably.
​

Breakout and the time after [3:48]

Until it completely broke out during my psychology study. It is truly never a good sign to see your symptoms on the screen during class… I remember just thinking “Fuck me”. I also knew I had to move fast and get help ASAP.
Despite my attempts to get help as soon as possible - no one accepted me. I was an old case. Hopeless. The chances of treatment were low and no spots available or none at least for an old case.
I ended shortly in a spot with an unfinished psychology student, but had to give that up, when my state worsened and I had to move back with my mother. There I got no help. Which meant I was doomed to die.
It gotten worse and worse. I was in a state of intense pain, it felt like my body was torn apart, but slowly and without me dying. I slept… when I could… in short patches. Hours of sleep became more and more a rarity.
Even if I slept I had horrific nightmares and kept waking up. I couldn’t eat. When I was able to eat I just stuffed my face to not starve. I couldn’t focus - I could barely do anything at all. This was PTSD in end stage for me. Agony - without any chance of distraction.
​

The End of the line [5:24]

Which lead inevitably to the end of the line for me. My body told me, that I was a few months at best away from dying. Whatever I was doing needed to change. That was the point, where I decided I couldn’t make things worse - as if I am an optimist.
But there was literally no other choice besides lying down to die and that was never my way. So - not an option. I had no hope of healing, I just tried to apply my knowledge to reduce my suffering and make my remaining time less painful.
I was actually shocked how easy and successful I was - despite it taking weeks to do so. I had no help, the support of my surrounding could be boiled down to “Are you healed yet?”, despite knowing C-PTSD was incurable. At least to our knowledge back then.
Suffering less and getting more time sounded like a pretty good deal to me, so I tried again. And kept going and going and going… until after years I had bitten enough down and had conquered my first C-PTSD. I was healed, but not cured.
Which meant now I had the choice, do I return back to normal life or continue what I started? And… after that absolute agonizing experience I decided I want to NEVER EVER deal with this nightmare again.
So I went underground to deal with it once and for all. In the end with great success. Better than anything I had dared to dream for.
​

Survivors guilt and this podcast [7:17]

Now that I was fully cured I tried to get to the club meeting of C-PTSD cured people, and as I had taken so long with all those wrong paths I had chosen and with no help - I lost track of many of my fellow sufferer on the way. I thought I was dead last.
The club house was empty. And it dawned on me what happened to those I lost track along the way. I knew the state of others. That was the moment I developed survivor’s guilt and got my PTSD symptoms back. Which slowly started to escalate again.
I will stick to my comparison of a burning building. You get out, completely blinded still by the smoke that made seeing inside almost impossible. Only to discover you are the only one who made it out of the building - while you can still hear the screams.
Or sometimes only the body that is left from their attempt. What do you do in such a situation? Going back in isn’t going to do any good. So you try to shout instructions. Which is how the idea of this podcast was born.
The plan was to give the instructions on how I left the building and help so others to leave the building.
​

Changing the theme and therapy [8:48]

While preparing and doing the podcast I began to cure myself from more and more C-PTSD s and PTSD s, that I had to change my position on either you have it or you don’t - and started making a list. I also kept learning about PTSD and everything around it.
During the podcast I realized, that I hadn’t gotten any help not only because I was an autist and it was harder, but also because how horribly bad the situation was for everyone. How lacking resources and information and available treatment was.
Which made me change my podcast to cover more and me starting to offer therapy. But then - once again - tragedy hit at the second half of last year and I was confronted with a horrendous situation that would last for months and cause a cluster trauma.
This lead me to cancel and stall my plans. But the worst was that at the end of the last year - I had to deal with 3 cluster traumas at the same time. That was a lot - even for me. While my success wasn’t in question - that did block and slow down me quite a bit.
Which lead to a noticeable chaos and change in podcast - which I am sorry for, but it was outside of my control. The aftermath of it sadly still causes for stumbling in my everyday now and then. Nothing serious, but enough to cause trouble occasionally.

The silver lining [10:46]

I want to end this episode on a silver lining after all this rather dark content. I gained intense and deep knowledge of trauma and how it is structured and works. This knowledge I believe can be used to help so many people who have little hope right now.
My trouble with putting that knowledge into words that people understand is sadly the biggest slowdown and something I can’t just change, because the reason is my autism. Which also makes it possible for me to visualize PTSD.
And this helped me to be able to say, that I can cure a base C-PTSD within a few months. It of course depends on how strong the patient is going and if life doesn’t sabotage. Which it realistically does most of the time. That is just how it is.
This is what makes me hopeful - that my experiences will help eradicate or at least constrain this illness as much as possible. And rid humanity of this bane as much as possible.
​

Outro [11:56]

That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it insightful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/therapy/ and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.

Are there any red flags here, or am I overthinking/being insecure?
So, my boyfriend and I are both in our early 20s and have been together for just over a year. We have each other on Snapchat which I just use to talk to him and only him because I think Snapchat is a dumb way to keep in touch with people, especially at our age (imo) :p
Anyway, a few weeks ago I found out that he had an ex on his sc. And not only was she on there, but I know they were keeping in touch recently since they had the best friend charm. They also had saved pictures of them in the chat from when they were together. Mind you he has never even mentioned this ex to me before. I talked to him about this and I said I wanted him to delete her which he agreed to do. He also unfollowed her on ig but left her as a follower (idk why). However, I also noticed some other girls on his sc that I’ve never heard of, and one that he had recently saved pictures with of them hanging out and stuff from their sc memories. My issues with this is he had never mentioned having ANY female friends, so I was kind of surprised to see pictures of him with another girl who he looked very well aquatinted with. Pictures intentionally brought up and saved.
So basically, I’m just a bit weirded out knowing that he kept those kinds of things from me. Like he’s just been secretly talking to other girls who I never even knew about. And I’m not saying he can’t, but as his girlfriend you’d think I’d at least know who he has relations with right?
With that in mind, my current issue is this: he has started posting on his Snapchat story A LOT lately. Like just things at work or pics of his car, but for basically the whole year we have been together he has never posted to his story until now. And it freaks me out because he would always tell me he only talks to me and his best friend on Snapchat… so I’m just confused as to who he would be posting those stories for, considering he will still send them directly to me as well as posting them, and could easily just also send them to his best friend.
Am I looking into this too much?

For the second time I have taken my 3 year old shih tzu to the groomer and it didn't go very well. We have a 3 year old shih tzu (Arya) and a 2 year old bichon/shih tzu (ollie). Ollie was adopted and has done great with grooming. We got Arya from a breeder as a puppy and she has always had an extreme fear of the vet, being groomed, etc. She has been treated exceptionally well all her life but will even duck her head when we go to pet her. When taking Ollie to his groomer, I spoke to the owner about how I would love to take Arya but she was very fearful so we have always scissor cut her ourselves. She recommended starting to take her in for a bath and nail trim and work up from there. We took her in November but our children (1 and 2 year old) have been plagued by illnesses and We've been overwhelmed this winter. Today I took her back to the groomer with Ollie (he goes every 8 weeks), and the groomer came out and said she had to have a talk with me. She said that Arya was very afraid during the bath and so scared she couldn't even clip half of her nails. She let me know that she saw it had been five months since Arya had been in and if I couldn't commit to taking her every four weeks or less for a bath and nail trim she would refuse her from the salon and we would need to take her to the vet for sedation and grooming. Number one we wouldn't do that because we can scissor cut her ourselves and we don't want unnecessary sedation. I did ask her if Arya was aggressive and she said there was no aggression just shaking and being scared but no nips or aggression. She said that it was our fault for not bringing her before 3 years old and she was willing to try to change her bad disposition at the groomer if we were willing to commit to her the groomer but if not she was too bad. Supposedly this girl is the best they have with anxious dogs but she seemed very rude and short.
I feel like her attitude was offensive. She didn't act like that at all the first time and said she did well with Arya back in November (but the owner was standing beside her at the time). I tried over 40 groomers in our area before finding them. No one else was accepting new dogs after the pandemic. This is a brand new boutique so they had openings when we started taking ollie. Our PetSmart does not have a good reputation.
Are there any groomers who have experience with nervous scared small dogs. Is there any advice? Is this what you would say to me as well? New to the grooming experience but I felt as if it was such an attitude and fait accompli to take her every four weeks. I had already talked to the owner about bringing her on the 8 week schedule same time as our other dog. We really don't have the money for $100 bath and nail trim every four weeks, but I don't want to give up on our dog getting groomed professionally. Any advice?

I can’t remember the lyrics, the title, or the band to save the life for me. All I remember is it is a very depressing song with guy and girl singers who go back and forth. They’re talking about a date I think, and the guy sees the girl and she’s slightly larger than she said she was on the phone. He then leaves and then never answers her calls or replies. I want to say it has a title or lyrics that are like “No reply” or “No answer” or something, but obviously I haven’t found it on Spotify yet. The genre is like 2010s indie.
This is my first post here. Please help if you can!

I remained the RA of my dorm for the rest of my undergrad career. Then, after I graduated, there were some problems lining up a job. Apparently Stewart Newman's father was a biochemist, and little Stewart was destined to fend off extradimensional invaders (and yes, I know there is one reader who is now furiously typing up a letter explaining that the Chchshiuuni are NOT from another dimension, but I've read the Wikipedia article three times and I don't understand the distinction. You're reading my memoir, not my scientific explanation of extranormal invaders). His father, biochemist Victor Newman, was killed when the laboratory he worked at was hit by a meteorite, which, according to the investigative report, passed through 6 cylinders of various compressed gasses, ricocheted off a 7th, broke through a water line, shattered 9 containers of various other chemicals, then cracked the isolation unit on some kind of algae they were breeding for research on biofuels. This happened at 4:41 AM. Apparently this created something of a perfect storm as the chemicals reacted with the water and a very specific molecule produced by the algae acted as a catalyst which worked together to form pentanitroethyltoluenic acid, which is, according to the laws of chemistry, a chemical which desperately does not want to exist. For those not versed in chemistry, this stuff makes TNT look like HBO. That was supposed to say "H2O" but the I actually like it better this way. Anyway, the molecule was being synthesized in the laboratory for over four hours, until Victor arrived at a little before 9:00. His foot crossed the threshold and the laboratory detonated.
Prior to this event the company that ran the lab had just spent a bundle on a new security system with off site recording. This was the only evidence that could be used to put together the events, as according to the official report it "was as if God pressed the delete key".
So now that that story is floating around on Google there weren't a lot of labs that wanted to hire me. So I said fuck it. My ride is being paid for, let's go for a master's degree. Not like I had anything better to do. So I stayed in my dorm, working on my masters, and continued to be the RA.
A lot of the other RAs had horror stories about their dorms. About the nightmares they put up with. For me, for the most part, it was a breeze. If you want to become an RA and have an easy time with it, I have a few simple steps to insure you have it good.
Step 1: inherit the position from someone who's widely respected (thank you Helga)
Step 2: that person who is highly respected should make it known that you're carrying on their torch. (Thank you Helga)
Step 3: have really great women in your dorm. (Thank you Mr Pols)
Step 4: do your very best to fill the size 19 clogs that have been left for you to fill (wait, are clogs German? Oh who cares, I just said the Chchshiuuni were from another dimension)
That's not to say it was easy. I just didn't get the horror stories that others got. I never had to deal with Shane the Showerless or the Roach Incident. What I did have, however, were a lot of young women to look out for. And a lot of young women who came to me with their problems.
By the 2nd week I'd learned everyone's names, knew their majors, had a general idea about their schedules, home lives, and study habits. I knew who was a hard worker, who could keep a secret, who could hotwire a car, who could safely and reliably distill liquor and extract THC (It was me for those last 2 things. Hooray for biochemistry!) Not that I admit to having done any of those things, at least until the statute of limitations has passed. I also knew who needed help in their classes, who was too naive to go to a party alone, and who I could send them with to be sure they had a good time and made it home safe and sound.
In my third week as RA I called Helga because I missed her (I LOVE YOU HELGA) and we talked for like four hours and I gave her the rundown on everyone there and my assessments of such. Helga is many things, but a braggart is not one of them. It came as a surprise when Helga gloated for a full ten minutes about how she was right in her assessment of me. And yes, I guess it was pretty clever of me to "throw together five Amy's and a Rachel for frat party safety patrol." Rachel and Amy 3 were eye candy to serve as a diversion, Amy 2 and Amy 5 were recon to search for overly intoxicated girls, and Amy 1 and Amy 4 could either extract said girls like a SEAL team or steal booze like a… uh… SEAL team, as the situation dictated. By the end of the year they all had radios they used to stay in communication. I don't know where they got them, but they said they didn't buy them and were really evasive when asked about their origins.
Having taken over for Helga, I also grew something of a reputation. I kept her open door policy, any time, any problem, come talk to Shannon. You didn't need to be in my dorm. You didn't even need to be a woman. Hell, you didn't even need to be a student at our school. If you had a problem, I was available.
No one has problems at 2:00 on a sleepy afternoon when you've got a lot of energy and not enough to do. So this policy did make things a fair bit harder for me. Don't get me wrong, I've never regretted my policy, but problems did happen at almost comically inconvenient times.
For example, when I was having a really, really bad period and throwing up every six seconds, Amy (which Amy? I'll never tell. Just kidding, it was Amy 4) came to me because she'd just found out her childhood dog had died. What did I do? Chug half a bottle of pepto and force down half a pint of butter pecan while I comforted her. I kept it down, too, until she was back in her room asleep. Butter pecan is not nearly as good coming back up.
Another time, little innocent Hannah got invited to a party the day of her last midterm, and really wanted to go. I had 4 mid terms left, and AMY team 6 was out or commission studying along with all my other go tos. So I went with her.
I don't think I'll ever forget that night. Hannah, sweet little innocent Hannah. Gorgeous, doe eyed Hannah. Naive, sheltered, quiet Hannah. Hannah is stunningly beautiful, and anyone who has met Hannah will know she has a very sharp wit and a way with words if you can get her to talk at all. What I didn't know is that she had a tongue sharp enough to kill a man at five paces. Hannah got rip roaring drunk (she did five shots in the 30 seconds it took me to pee) and then proceeded to massacre the entire fraternity.
Gary Fogelbaum was a senior, and a total dude bro. He was alright in a crisis and I do appreciate what he did when Pepper broke her leg, but at this point his respect for women left a bit to be desired. He could talk shit with the best of them, and he could take it better than he could dish it out. Five words. Five fucking words, and she left Gary Fogelbaum crying. He earned it. To be clear, she hadn't met Gary before. He sauntered up to her and hit on her, right in front of me. After her second no, he grabbed her hand and put it on his stomach and said "how can you say no to those abs."
Before I could knock his teeth out, Hannah, kind, caring, compassionate, saintly, Hannah disemboweled him. Right there in front of everybody. "Abs won't make daddy proud."
After that it was like something out of a Tarantino movie as I tried to steer her towards the door. Guys got in her way to try to avenge Gary and were verbally slaughtered without mercy. Heads were rolling, viscera was flying, blood was gushing. Nearly to the front door, someone grabbed her wrist.
Hannah spun with a gaze that could vaporize lead and her eyes landed on a short, skinny guy with glasses, who said "you almost forgot your purse" before handing it to her. She snatched her purse, shoved him against a wall and kissed him so hard I think his soul briefly left his body. And then we left. He's engaged to Hannah now, and I've got to say I'm a little jealous.