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2012.06.25 02:24 Gravity Falls
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2023.03.21 22:44 cbb88christian Negotiations Underway 3
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Approximated Earth Date: 3. May. 2235
A dull pain began to gather in Teresh's neck. Now that his shock was waning, he was beginning to feel the searing heat of the cut. His eyes glanced around at the oddly mundane things around him. Nothing seemed, well, alien. This room resembled many clinics and hospitals that he had visited throughout his life, though at a larger scale of course. These aliens seemed to have a fairly square approach to their furniture. The cabinets of medical supplies and the cots were evidence of that. Valaxi architecture favored more triangular geometry. Though not perfect triangles at times to preserve space, their beds and cots were wider near the head and skinnier near the feet. Their practical storage was still primarily square to be easily stacked, but many domestic shelves, cabinets, etc. were actually triangular in shape. Perhaps it wasn't the most efficient, but it was the artistry of it that was always apparent. He wondered if these aliens had art. If Tom had ever created a living mural or an infinite world.
There was a loud thunk as the door opened, Tom tentatively stepping inside. His voice resonated through the dull translator, "I have arranged a meeting, but we're going to have to hide you. If anyone sees you they'll probably panic. I don't want there to be any possibility that you'll be hurt."
"H-Hurt!" Teresh squawked, "Your people kill strangers on sight?!"
Tom sighed, the translator echoing a dull vibration. He continued, "No, we don't kill strangers on sight. If people see you and panic because they think that you'll hurt or kill them, then they may try to fight back first."
"Why would they do that? I'm not a danger to anyone... but myself it seems," he replied, his voice low.
"Humans..." Tom began, then stumbling, "that's us by the way. Our species."
"Hue-man, human," Teresh sounded out the word.
"Yes. Humans have something called a 'fight or flight' response. Under great stress, like seeing something that frightens us, we can either freeze up, run, hide, or become aggressive and defensive. There are plenty of other ways people act that fall into those camps, but that's roughly how it works," Tom explained. He made sure to have distance between them as he explained the aggressive part.
Both natural aggression and fear responses? Teresh had never heard anything like it.
Most species were either majorly one or the other, with exceptions of course. His own, the kooli, were actually aggressive when threatened. They could puff up their chest and crown, displaying an array of dazzling colors that could frighten many assailants. Their sharp talons usable as a last resort to rip and tear into their attackers. On the other claw, some like himself did prefer to run and hide. Though, Teresh always considered that a weakness of his. Not being honorable and brave like so many other kooli. It wasn't natural like with humans.
"Do you think I'm frightening?" He asked.
Tom immediately shook his head, "No! No, not at all."
"But other humans might be?" Teresh asked.
Tom explained, "There's a chance Teresh, that's all I'm saying. I don't want to take a chance with a diplomat like yourself. As you said, you need to speak to our leaders, and I'd like to facilitate that."
The kooli thought for a moment, his feathers unknowingly shifting to purples and violets. Then returning to his usual emerald green, "I-I understand, but how will you hide me? Please don't tell me you're going to toss me in a box."
"Okay, we really need to work on your perceptions of us. We're not callous," he replied, eliciting a strange look from Teresh.
"Callous?" Teresh questioned. Not familiar with the term.
The human paused for a moment, then rattled off, "It means... cruel, rude, brutish,"
That remains to be seen, he kept to himself. Though, he had to admit that Tom had shown him genuine compassion and hospitality since his arrival. He just hoped that the rest of his race was similar.
"How do you mean to hide me then?" Teresh asked, looking up at his own reflection in the black void.
"So, I've been thinking it over and I think I have a good solution. I need you to let me explain something that may be surprising to you, understand?" Tom responded.
Though he could feel his heart beating faster in his chest, he gave the human a nod.
Tom pointed to himself, "This is not what we, humans, look like naturally."
I surmised as much, Teresh noted sarcastically. He knew what a space suit was and would have donned his own if the atmosphere wasn't safe in the ship's hanger.
"This suit keeps me safe in the vacuum of space, including this," he made a closed fist with his hand and tapped the black mirror a few times. "You can't see my real face from the outside. I'd like to have you don one of these suits, so you don't stand out."
So, it is a helmet of some kind. For intimidation, it certainly is effective. I can't imagine seeing that on the battlefield, he noted.
Their own gear was nowhere near as terrifying. The kooli used a high-tech mask that vacuum fit to their head shape. It even accounted for the varying size of their crowns. This was the usual for most species using SSS (Smart Skin Suits), but it seems the humans haven't developed their own version of it. However, it seemed that this was working to their benefit. Perhaps this plan wasn't as farfetched as he initially thought. The thought of him dressed head to toe in orange and with the mirror helm would have made him laugh if he wasn't so nervous.
"I see, you mean to disguise me as one of your own," Teresh replied, receiving a nod of affirmation. "Could I pass as a human with my... size?"
"Yes, we humans actually come in many varying heights. There are plenty of humans that are actually shorter than yourself, albeit rare," Tom answered, getting another strange look from the kooli.
"Really? Are you humans highly varying in shape too, or just height?" He asked curiously.
"Eh... somewhat. Some can be a little bigger around the stomach area, but we all share the same shape for the most part," the human answered.
"I would love to sit down and discuss biology with you or your professionals, but that will have to wait till later. For now, I'm at your disposal," Teresh explained, then tacking on, "and please don't dispose of me."
"Wouldn't dream of it. Let's find you a proper suit first," Tom said, turning to face the door.
"Wait!" He called out, causing Tom to stop and flinch. The black mirror settled on him, knowing that there were however many eyes behind it. Gulping, he continued, "Would you let me see your face? Your real face?"
Tom paused, his stance still and tense. He had no idea what thoughts were stirring behind that glass, seeing only his own expression. The human's hand gripped the frame of the door a little tighter. Then he gave his answer.
"In time, but not now. I'd rather not expose you to any possible diseases, but..." Tom faltered, "I promise I will if all goes well. Deal?"
"If you're asking me to accept your terms, then yes," Teresh agreed, his feathers flashing a bright yellow.
"Good. I'll be back soon, just need to make sure my crew aren't experiencing their own fight or flight response," Tom concluded. He shut the door behind him, and left Teresh in silence.
-------------
Date: May 3, 2235
Tom stepped past the threshold and immediately leaned on his side. His mind spiraled, his breath tight in his chest. There was too much going on. The lights were too bright, the dull humming of electricity and the pipes pounding in his ears. His blood rushed through his veins, and every muscle twitched with energy. His anxiety like a swirling maelstrom in his chest. Everything was too much.
Come on, remember to breathe. Inhale. 1... 2... 3... 4... Exhale. 2... 3... 4... and Inhale. 2... 3... 4... Tom repeated in his mind. Forcing his body to follow the rhythm as his chest raised and lowered.
A simple salvage mission had turned into so, so much more. He had no idea what he was doing. There was a god damn alien in his med bay. He talked to them, and they talked to him. They shared a conversation about humanity and now he was trying to sneak them into a UNEM base. What the hell is happening with my life? It was supposed to get easier after service, but it's been nothing but more and more difficult. Why did it have to be me?
Dread began to fill his being as he made the long trek from the med bay to the cargo bay, to the administrative branch, and up to the bridge. He knew the others could watch him through the cams, and he could only imagine their expressions throughout the ordeal. Each step another clang against the metal floor below. Passing room after vacant room. He considered it an annoyance to only have the three of them working for the day, but now he held it as one of the greatest blessings. Clang, clang, clang. The sound of his boot impacting the stairs echoed through the air as he climbed to the top step. A hiss escaped the air as he removed his helmet and placed it under his left arm. With a heavy hand, he opened the door and stepped into the bridge. Both Maxim and Ally were crowded around the monitors, helmets off, expressions gaunt.
He looked at them, and they looked at him. The tension in the air kept them in an eternal moment. Up until Tom finally decided to cut through the silence.
"Their name is Teresh. They're friendly as far as I can tell," he explained, neither of them saying a word. Tom paused, and continued, "I phoned Mikael, going to try and figure this mess out together. I'm taking them to Jefferson base."
That seemed to snap them out of their stupor. Maxim speaking first, announcing, "Captain, you can't be serious."
Maxim may not don the uniform the uniform, but he was always a soldier. Young, strong, and ready for anything. He remembered Maxim coming to him fresh off his 18th birthday, ready to save the world. Tom could still see the innocence in those blue eyes, though tarnished with time. A number of pale scars and tattoos now adorning his obsidian arms. His voice was like a rough-cut gem. Strong, chiseled features, though he'd never tell him that. With jet black hair, he retained the buzz cut from service, and the same carefree attitude that Tom used to grapple with. However, given the situation, he knew it was the time for professionalism.
At the sound of his old title, there was a surprisingly flash of anger that swirled inside Tom.
"I'm not a captain anymore!" Tom growled. Then quickly dropping the snarl, continuing, "and I'm deadly serious. We need to get them to Earth gov and do it quickly. This is the most important thing that's ever happened in human history, and it's been dropped on our plate."
"Ca- Sir, we have an honest to God alien in our med bay. How do you expect us to get through clearance?" Ally asked, concern in her eyes.
Ally was always too kind for her own good. Their line of work didn't deserve someone like her. She came to their unit fresh out of college and worked as their intel operative. Outside of his lead, she was the one who pulled their asses out of fires. A tad shorter than both he and Maxim, but she was hiding the strength of a seasoned gymnast in that deceptive frame. She may not be able to go toe to toe with either of them, but she as hell could toss them around like ragdolls with their own body weight. Ally had hazel green eyes, lighter skin, dirty blond hair, and usually wore it in a ponytail.
"Already thought of it. I'm going to put them in an EVO suit and escort them ourselves. Give them a box, act like we're there delivering cargo," Tom explained, drawing stares from both of them.
"That's your plan?" Maxim asked with disbelief.
"Yes, damn it! I've had all of fifteen minutes to think of it, so I'd say it's pretty damn good. Look, you both know how the bulls are. Walk and talk like you belong, no one says a word," he replied, a tad exasperated.
"And if they scan the ship? Y'know, like the routine surface scan that's definitely going to pick up an unknown craft in our hanger bay," Ally said, a hint of an edge in her voice.
Tom allowed himself a smile, "Already thought of that. If they ask, it's top-secret clearance. They want info on it, they can go to Mikael."
"You're seriously going to throw the commander into the brush like that?" Maxim asked, hiding a chuckle in his voice.
"You better believe it. He owes us far more than that," Tom concluded, placing both hands on the helm.
He looked out of the viewport. Neptune was still in sight, with colorful marbles of various size in the distance. Dipping his hand down, he turned the navigator to the moon and set it to autopilot.
The nav computer's voice filled the ship, "Destination set: Earth's Moon. Estimated travel time: Fifty-five minutes, and twenty-three seconds."
With a small shunt, the ship shifted and began to turn. Its engines roared to life as it began to coast towards the moon. They could've used FTL but making a jump like that would've drawn much more attention to them. Better to play it safe and slow. See if they could dodge some of the air control towers while they're at it.
With a few extra button presses, he put the countdown timer up on the screen. They now had a little under an hour to formulate their plan and strategize for any obstacles. In some ways, it was sickeningly nostalgic. The three of them were tasked with an impossible mission once again. However, this time, it would be for peace and not for war. Failure was not an option.
Just like old times, Tom thought to himself. Just like old times...
submitted by cbb88christian to HFY [link] [comments]
Approximated Earth Date: 3. May. 2235
A dull pain began to gather in Teresh's neck. Now that his shock was waning, he was beginning to feel the searing heat of the cut. His eyes glanced around at the oddly mundane things around him. Nothing seemed, well, alien. This room resembled many clinics and hospitals that he had visited throughout his life, though at a larger scale of course. These aliens seemed to have a fairly square approach to their furniture. The cabinets of medical supplies and the cots were evidence of that. Valaxi architecture favored more triangular geometry. Though not perfect triangles at times to preserve space, their beds and cots were wider near the head and skinnier near the feet. Their practical storage was still primarily square to be easily stacked, but many domestic shelves, cabinets, etc. were actually triangular in shape. Perhaps it wasn't the most efficient, but it was the artistry of it that was always apparent. He wondered if these aliens had art. If Tom had ever created a living mural or an infinite world.
There was a loud thunk as the door opened, Tom tentatively stepping inside. His voice resonated through the dull translator, "I have arranged a meeting, but we're going to have to hide you. If anyone sees you they'll probably panic. I don't want there to be any possibility that you'll be hurt."
"H-Hurt!" Teresh squawked, "Your people kill strangers on sight?!"
Tom sighed, the translator echoing a dull vibration. He continued, "No, we don't kill strangers on sight. If people see you and panic because they think that you'll hurt or kill them, then they may try to fight back first."
"Why would they do that? I'm not a danger to anyone... but myself it seems," he replied, his voice low.
"Humans..." Tom began, then stumbling, "that's us by the way. Our species."
"Hue-man, human," Teresh sounded out the word.
"Yes. Humans have something called a 'fight or flight' response. Under great stress, like seeing something that frightens us, we can either freeze up, run, hide, or become aggressive and defensive. There are plenty of other ways people act that fall into those camps, but that's roughly how it works," Tom explained. He made sure to have distance between them as he explained the aggressive part.
Both natural aggression and fear responses? Teresh had never heard anything like it.
Most species were either majorly one or the other, with exceptions of course. His own, the kooli, were actually aggressive when threatened. They could puff up their chest and crown, displaying an array of dazzling colors that could frighten many assailants. Their sharp talons usable as a last resort to rip and tear into their attackers. On the other claw, some like himself did prefer to run and hide. Though, Teresh always considered that a weakness of his. Not being honorable and brave like so many other kooli. It wasn't natural like with humans.
"Do you think I'm frightening?" He asked.
Tom immediately shook his head, "No! No, not at all."
"But other humans might be?" Teresh asked.
Tom explained, "There's a chance Teresh, that's all I'm saying. I don't want to take a chance with a diplomat like yourself. As you said, you need to speak to our leaders, and I'd like to facilitate that."
The kooli thought for a moment, his feathers unknowingly shifting to purples and violets. Then returning to his usual emerald green, "I-I understand, but how will you hide me? Please don't tell me you're going to toss me in a box."
"Okay, we really need to work on your perceptions of us. We're not callous," he replied, eliciting a strange look from Teresh.
"Callous?" Teresh questioned. Not familiar with the term.
The human paused for a moment, then rattled off, "It means... cruel, rude, brutish,"
That remains to be seen, he kept to himself. Though, he had to admit that Tom had shown him genuine compassion and hospitality since his arrival. He just hoped that the rest of his race was similar.
"How do you mean to hide me then?" Teresh asked, looking up at his own reflection in the black void.
"So, I've been thinking it over and I think I have a good solution. I need you to let me explain something that may be surprising to you, understand?" Tom responded.
Though he could feel his heart beating faster in his chest, he gave the human a nod.
Tom pointed to himself, "This is not what we, humans, look like naturally."
I surmised as much, Teresh noted sarcastically. He knew what a space suit was and would have donned his own if the atmosphere wasn't safe in the ship's hanger.
"This suit keeps me safe in the vacuum of space, including this," he made a closed fist with his hand and tapped the black mirror a few times. "You can't see my real face from the outside. I'd like to have you don one of these suits, so you don't stand out."
So, it is a helmet of some kind. For intimidation, it certainly is effective. I can't imagine seeing that on the battlefield, he noted.
Their own gear was nowhere near as terrifying. The kooli used a high-tech mask that vacuum fit to their head shape. It even accounted for the varying size of their crowns. This was the usual for most species using SSS (Smart Skin Suits), but it seems the humans haven't developed their own version of it. However, it seemed that this was working to their benefit. Perhaps this plan wasn't as farfetched as he initially thought. The thought of him dressed head to toe in orange and with the mirror helm would have made him laugh if he wasn't so nervous.
"I see, you mean to disguise me as one of your own," Teresh replied, receiving a nod of affirmation. "Could I pass as a human with my... size?"
"Yes, we humans actually come in many varying heights. There are plenty of humans that are actually shorter than yourself, albeit rare," Tom answered, getting another strange look from the kooli.
"Really? Are you humans highly varying in shape too, or just height?" He asked curiously.
"Eh... somewhat. Some can be a little bigger around the stomach area, but we all share the same shape for the most part," the human answered.
"I would love to sit down and discuss biology with you or your professionals, but that will have to wait till later. For now, I'm at your disposal," Teresh explained, then tacking on, "and please don't dispose of me."
"Wouldn't dream of it. Let's find you a proper suit first," Tom said, turning to face the door.
"Wait!" He called out, causing Tom to stop and flinch. The black mirror settled on him, knowing that there were however many eyes behind it. Gulping, he continued, "Would you let me see your face? Your real face?"
Tom paused, his stance still and tense. He had no idea what thoughts were stirring behind that glass, seeing only his own expression. The human's hand gripped the frame of the door a little tighter. Then he gave his answer.
"In time, but not now. I'd rather not expose you to any possible diseases, but..." Tom faltered, "I promise I will if all goes well. Deal?"
"If you're asking me to accept your terms, then yes," Teresh agreed, his feathers flashing a bright yellow.
"Good. I'll be back soon, just need to make sure my crew aren't experiencing their own fight or flight response," Tom concluded. He shut the door behind him, and left Teresh in silence.
-------------
Date: May 3, 2235
Tom stepped past the threshold and immediately leaned on his side. His mind spiraled, his breath tight in his chest. There was too much going on. The lights were too bright, the dull humming of electricity and the pipes pounding in his ears. His blood rushed through his veins, and every muscle twitched with energy. His anxiety like a swirling maelstrom in his chest. Everything was too much.
Come on, remember to breathe. Inhale. 1... 2... 3... 4... Exhale. 2... 3... 4... and Inhale. 2... 3... 4... Tom repeated in his mind. Forcing his body to follow the rhythm as his chest raised and lowered.
A simple salvage mission had turned into so, so much more. He had no idea what he was doing. There was a god damn alien in his med bay. He talked to them, and they talked to him. They shared a conversation about humanity and now he was trying to sneak them into a UNEM base. What the hell is happening with my life? It was supposed to get easier after service, but it's been nothing but more and more difficult. Why did it have to be me?
Dread began to fill his being as he made the long trek from the med bay to the cargo bay, to the administrative branch, and up to the bridge. He knew the others could watch him through the cams, and he could only imagine their expressions throughout the ordeal. Each step another clang against the metal floor below. Passing room after vacant room. He considered it an annoyance to only have the three of them working for the day, but now he held it as one of the greatest blessings. Clang, clang, clang. The sound of his boot impacting the stairs echoed through the air as he climbed to the top step. A hiss escaped the air as he removed his helmet and placed it under his left arm. With a heavy hand, he opened the door and stepped into the bridge. Both Maxim and Ally were crowded around the monitors, helmets off, expressions gaunt.
He looked at them, and they looked at him. The tension in the air kept them in an eternal moment. Up until Tom finally decided to cut through the silence.
"Their name is Teresh. They're friendly as far as I can tell," he explained, neither of them saying a word. Tom paused, and continued, "I phoned Mikael, going to try and figure this mess out together. I'm taking them to Jefferson base."
That seemed to snap them out of their stupor. Maxim speaking first, announcing, "Captain, you can't be serious."
Maxim may not don the uniform the uniform, but he was always a soldier. Young, strong, and ready for anything. He remembered Maxim coming to him fresh off his 18th birthday, ready to save the world. Tom could still see the innocence in those blue eyes, though tarnished with time. A number of pale scars and tattoos now adorning his obsidian arms. His voice was like a rough-cut gem. Strong, chiseled features, though he'd never tell him that. With jet black hair, he retained the buzz cut from service, and the same carefree attitude that Tom used to grapple with. However, given the situation, he knew it was the time for professionalism.
At the sound of his old title, there was a surprisingly flash of anger that swirled inside Tom.
"I'm not a captain anymore!" Tom growled. Then quickly dropping the snarl, continuing, "and I'm deadly serious. We need to get them to Earth gov and do it quickly. This is the most important thing that's ever happened in human history, and it's been dropped on our plate."
"Ca- Sir, we have an honest to God alien in our med bay. How do you expect us to get through clearance?" Ally asked, concern in her eyes.
Ally was always too kind for her own good. Their line of work didn't deserve someone like her. She came to their unit fresh out of college and worked as their intel operative. Outside of his lead, she was the one who pulled their asses out of fires. A tad shorter than both he and Maxim, but she was hiding the strength of a seasoned gymnast in that deceptive frame. She may not be able to go toe to toe with either of them, but she as hell could toss them around like ragdolls with their own body weight. Ally had hazel green eyes, lighter skin, dirty blond hair, and usually wore it in a ponytail.
"Already thought of it. I'm going to put them in an EVO suit and escort them ourselves. Give them a box, act like we're there delivering cargo," Tom explained, drawing stares from both of them.
"That's your plan?" Maxim asked with disbelief.
"Yes, damn it! I've had all of fifteen minutes to think of it, so I'd say it's pretty damn good. Look, you both know how the bulls are. Walk and talk like you belong, no one says a word," he replied, a tad exasperated.
"And if they scan the ship? Y'know, like the routine surface scan that's definitely going to pick up an unknown craft in our hanger bay," Ally said, a hint of an edge in her voice.
Tom allowed himself a smile, "Already thought of that. If they ask, it's top-secret clearance. They want info on it, they can go to Mikael."
"You're seriously going to throw the commander into the brush like that?" Maxim asked, hiding a chuckle in his voice.
"You better believe it. He owes us far more than that," Tom concluded, placing both hands on the helm.
He looked out of the viewport. Neptune was still in sight, with colorful marbles of various size in the distance. Dipping his hand down, he turned the navigator to the moon and set it to autopilot.
The nav computer's voice filled the ship, "Destination set: Earth's Moon. Estimated travel time: Fifty-five minutes, and twenty-three seconds."
With a small shunt, the ship shifted and began to turn. Its engines roared to life as it began to coast towards the moon. They could've used FTL but making a jump like that would've drawn much more attention to them. Better to play it safe and slow. See if they could dodge some of the air control towers while they're at it.
With a few extra button presses, he put the countdown timer up on the screen. They now had a little under an hour to formulate their plan and strategize for any obstacles. In some ways, it was sickeningly nostalgic. The three of them were tasked with an impossible mission once again. However, this time, it would be for peace and not for war. Failure was not an option.
Just like old times, Tom thought to himself. Just like old times...
2023.03.21 22:43 123snowflake2022 Steroid topical oil safe for Seborrheic Dermatitis after hair transplant?
I am 5 months post hair transplant and developed Seborrheic Dermatitis probably because of the use of minoxidil. Went to dermatologist and he suggested me to use ketaconazole dermasmooth oil for topical use on the affected area. One of the side effects if this lotion is hair loss. I am concerned it could cause more hair fall as i am already behind where i should be in month 5. Anyone who has used this kind of steroid topical lotion to get rid of Seborrheic Dermatitis mind sharing their reviews please? Thanks for helping!
submitted by 123snowflake2022 to HairTransplants [link] [comments]
2023.03.21 22:41 basalganglia_ My (27F) boyfriend (27M) is more affectionate with his friends than with me
My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) met in our hometown through mutual friend groups almost 3 years ago. We casually dated for a little before falling out of touch. But then we ended up moving to the same area across the country (not planned!), which is when we reconnected and have been dating on and off for the past 1.5 years. I recently moved in with him due to my lease ending, but we signed for another year at his place. I really thought moving in together would give me more confidence that he is 100% ready to commit.
However, I have ONLY just started to meet his friend group. While I do know his hometown friends and have been on holiday vacations with his family, I have yet to spend much time with this new friend group he has had for over a year. He spends almost every weekend with them, plus a day or two during the week. They go on trips almost every month. I understand wanting separate lives, as I love having my own thing. I’m super appreciative that he will hang out and travel with my friends and I, but I feel so disconnected to his life outside of our relationship and my friend group.
The kicker is that the other day one of my friends was at the same bar as he and his friends. She said he was so affectionate with his friends… lot of hugs, arms around shoulders, etc. She said he even tucked hair behind one of his girl friend’s ears. My friend did say it was mostly the boys in the group and only one girl he was super affectionate with. And when he shows me group pictures of them, he is so close and cuddly with his friends… and this makes me a little uneasy but he even got so close to that girl in a group picture that he literally had his arm around her neck pulling her closer to him while standing behind her. I know it’s just a picture, but seeing how affectionate he is even just with his guy friends stings because he is so anti-PDA with me. It doesn’t even look like we’re a couple in public. I have brought this up before and he just has said it makes him uncomfortable being PDA with a girlfriend.
I don’t know how to go about this. I didn’t see it with my own eyes so I’ve been struggling with how to approach it. But I’ve been on edge about LIVING with him and still not being around his friends, especially given how often he is with them. I’m hoping that he is warming up to the idea since we did recently go on a double-date with one of the couples from this friend group. But even in front of ONLY them, he couldn’t so much as hold my hand. And they are a very loving and affectionate couple which only made it worse.
What is the best way to approach this with my boyfriend? Do I bring up what my friend saw?
tl;dr my boyfriend doesn’t mind PDA with his friends but does with me
submitted by basalganglia_ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
However, I have ONLY just started to meet his friend group. While I do know his hometown friends and have been on holiday vacations with his family, I have yet to spend much time with this new friend group he has had for over a year. He spends almost every weekend with them, plus a day or two during the week. They go on trips almost every month. I understand wanting separate lives, as I love having my own thing. I’m super appreciative that he will hang out and travel with my friends and I, but I feel so disconnected to his life outside of our relationship and my friend group.
The kicker is that the other day one of my friends was at the same bar as he and his friends. She said he was so affectionate with his friends… lot of hugs, arms around shoulders, etc. She said he even tucked hair behind one of his girl friend’s ears. My friend did say it was mostly the boys in the group and only one girl he was super affectionate with. And when he shows me group pictures of them, he is so close and cuddly with his friends… and this makes me a little uneasy but he even got so close to that girl in a group picture that he literally had his arm around her neck pulling her closer to him while standing behind her. I know it’s just a picture, but seeing how affectionate he is even just with his guy friends stings because he is so anti-PDA with me. It doesn’t even look like we’re a couple in public. I have brought this up before and he just has said it makes him uncomfortable being PDA with a girlfriend.
I don’t know how to go about this. I didn’t see it with my own eyes so I’ve been struggling with how to approach it. But I’ve been on edge about LIVING with him and still not being around his friends, especially given how often he is with them. I’m hoping that he is warming up to the idea since we did recently go on a double-date with one of the couples from this friend group. But even in front of ONLY them, he couldn’t so much as hold my hand. And they are a very loving and affectionate couple which only made it worse.
What is the best way to approach this with my boyfriend? Do I bring up what my friend saw?
tl;dr my boyfriend doesn’t mind PDA with his friends but does with me
2023.03.21 22:35 NopeTunechi IT 341 and MBUS 300 in Summer
I’m thinking of taking both of these courses online in the summer as it’s the only way for me to graduate on time. Any recommendations as to how I can pass these courses. Both will start simultaneously but one ends sooner than the other. I just want some tips on how to pass these courses. How can I get a head start on the course topics so I’m not falling behind too easily?
submitted by NopeTunechi to gmu [link] [comments]
2023.03.21 22:34 JustForFun321_ Withdrawing my 401k today, In desperate need of advice or a strategy to get back on track.
My problem:
My checking account is in the negative after recent auto bill pay transactions for two days.I've already explored every option possible but after losing my job and my car taking a Sh*t, I have to take the last resource I have which is my 401k. I'm a single father with 3 kids and yes life happens, we prepare but things can severely change within a year. A year ago my credit score was 722 and I had about 20% debt utilization.
Today my score (average score) is 628 with a debt utilization of 67%. Didn't help when Wells Fargo cut my personal line of credit and their credit card by $1,400 total. No charge-offs ever, collections ever, late payments ever in my 12 year credit history as a home owner (3 months behind) and trying to salvage my credit because my only way out (in my opinion) is to start a business and get back on track with business credit and working as an entrepreneur.
I had to use credit cards to fill in the blanks but now the engine in my car needs to be replaced (Timing Chain) and I desperately need transportation. I need to figure it out fast!
My immediate priority:
To find a way to withdraw the most I can of my $20K in my Vanguard 401k by finding a way to avoid as much of the 20% withholding and/or penalties associated. Should I transfeconvert to a Roth or Solo 401k then width drawl? Should I apply for a personal loan given my personal credit changes? Yes I've been doing my due diligence and everyone's situation is different but since my job laid me off last year, i need to get the most money I can ASAP.My Strategy:
To get as much money as I can from my 401K and open up a business banking and checking. Place $5-10K on a prepaid secured card and the same on a pledge loan. Immediately set up both for automatic payments and pay off about 90% each. Building my business credit portfolio and using some money to put down on a vehicle. I don't have the best credit score but 0% down would be perfect with a credit union and i would refinance later. This would at least give me the opportunity to do ride share with UbeLyft anytime although this would be my first time. I forgot to mention that I'm taking classes and would finish with my undergrad in the fall and I would get some student loan money in the fall (potentially). Beyond rideshare for income i would be pouring my time into various opportunities as an entrepreneur since jobs don't hire without experience or certifications in software development and/or cyber security.
It has been very stressful so that is literally the best realistic plan I can come up with given my constraints.
Feel free to make any suggestions, I don't know what options are out there but I believe this post will provide a few things that I.m unaware of. Thanks in advance! Respectfully.
2023.03.21 22:34 Elm__22 Symptom exploration: 2 questions: 1) headaches. 2) connecting to alters in daydreams.
Hello,
(Currently in the process of getting a diagnosis - initial assessment score between OSDD & DID)
I have a couple of experiences I was wondering if anyone else could relate to. - not seeking peer-diagnosis, just comfort of similar experiences so feel less alone/confused.
1) I know of the headaches that are involved with switching (especially hard switches and/or long switches). But I was wondering if anyone else found that when trying to stay grounded to concentrate (for me especially when reading for uni work, or concentrating in class) and avoid dissociating/maladaptive daydreaming you can get headaches then too? (I know it’s not particularly due to eyesight as have only a weak prescription and the headaches can persist even if wearing the glasses - screens can make it worse but I feel like they heighten it rather than start it).
I haven’t tried consciously trying to take note of if it’s maybe subtle switches trying to take place that I’m accidentally resisting (just thought of this theory) cause of trying to concentrate or if it’s purely related to resisting not floating into a dissociative “floaty” headspace where we don’t switch necessarily just go overall dissociated. - grounding techniques often don’t help and brain continues to resist it.
2) has anyone else also had the symptom of finding it easier to communicate/connect to alters via daydreams? I know I maladaptive daydream but sometimes it can suddenly feel different and like the daydream storyline is harder to connect to/the world around goes fuzzy and I can just focus on the “people” there. I realised that the characters then subtly shift more into my alters/sometimes it’s like the alter is hiding behind a character. I’m guessing it’s because it’s easier for my brain to handle this than straight up alter communication which can happen but can feel overwhelming/scary/trigger denial.
I mainly ask this because today I was daydreaming about trying to let the alters through to take over the body or at least speak to someone external (I’m host I think - because I’m new to this it still freaks me out/makes me self conscious). I find daydreaming through situations first (I’ve always done this) helps calm my anxiety for when I actually have to face the scenario. As I let my main little close in the daydream (I can tell they actually get close too because of the shift in the brain/energy) my mind was suddenly flooded with happy childhood memories I hadn’t thought of in years. And it was like these were the most predominant memories in the brain and reaching others was more difficult/would take more effort. I’ve always been nervous through the denial that we don’t have different memories, but I think this might be a sign we do. I suddenly realised that daydreams might be the easiest way for my brain to process having alters, so was wandering if anyone had experienced anything similar? And whether the lines between alters/daydreams can get murky too, because potentially the alters are subtly hiding in the daydreams? I guess it could also be connected to already being in a dissociative state so it makes it easier for the alters to come forward.
Any thoughts welcome :)
submitted by Elm__22 to DID [link] [comments]
(Currently in the process of getting a diagnosis - initial assessment score between OSDD & DID)
I have a couple of experiences I was wondering if anyone else could relate to. - not seeking peer-diagnosis, just comfort of similar experiences so feel less alone/confused.
1) I know of the headaches that are involved with switching (especially hard switches and/or long switches). But I was wondering if anyone else found that when trying to stay grounded to concentrate (for me especially when reading for uni work, or concentrating in class) and avoid dissociating/maladaptive daydreaming you can get headaches then too? (I know it’s not particularly due to eyesight as have only a weak prescription and the headaches can persist even if wearing the glasses - screens can make it worse but I feel like they heighten it rather than start it).
I haven’t tried consciously trying to take note of if it’s maybe subtle switches trying to take place that I’m accidentally resisting (just thought of this theory) cause of trying to concentrate or if it’s purely related to resisting not floating into a dissociative “floaty” headspace where we don’t switch necessarily just go overall dissociated. - grounding techniques often don’t help and brain continues to resist it.
2) has anyone else also had the symptom of finding it easier to communicate/connect to alters via daydreams? I know I maladaptive daydream but sometimes it can suddenly feel different and like the daydream storyline is harder to connect to/the world around goes fuzzy and I can just focus on the “people” there. I realised that the characters then subtly shift more into my alters/sometimes it’s like the alter is hiding behind a character. I’m guessing it’s because it’s easier for my brain to handle this than straight up alter communication which can happen but can feel overwhelming/scary/trigger denial.
I mainly ask this because today I was daydreaming about trying to let the alters through to take over the body or at least speak to someone external (I’m host I think - because I’m new to this it still freaks me out/makes me self conscious). I find daydreaming through situations first (I’ve always done this) helps calm my anxiety for when I actually have to face the scenario. As I let my main little close in the daydream (I can tell they actually get close too because of the shift in the brain/energy) my mind was suddenly flooded with happy childhood memories I hadn’t thought of in years. And it was like these were the most predominant memories in the brain and reaching others was more difficult/would take more effort. I’ve always been nervous through the denial that we don’t have different memories, but I think this might be a sign we do. I suddenly realised that daydreams might be the easiest way for my brain to process having alters, so was wandering if anyone had experienced anything similar? And whether the lines between alters/daydreams can get murky too, because potentially the alters are subtly hiding in the daydreams? I guess it could also be connected to already being in a dissociative state so it makes it easier for the alters to come forward.
Any thoughts welcome :)
2023.03.21 22:33 dinodoobiesaurus What next for me?
TLDR, my unconscious has become conscious, therapy failed but I'm kicking trauma butt generationally, yet I'm still so broken. Is there a version of talk therapy that would help me and my daughter?
I (M40+) have CPTSD, 2months premie, no touch for 8 weeks in an incubator, sick brother who passed away from 2-6. Violent childhood “you should have died instead of ” beatings, homeless teen 30+ PTSDs, no education past 16. Turned my life around at 21, successful adult working just below C-Level in large MMCs, lived in a couple of different countries, still don’t own a house but who can these days if you live in a major city.
Therapy of 5 years went wrong for me 1 1/2 years ago. We had a rupture and she told me she felt a deep love for me, she thought our inner childs connected, Im one of her favourite client, always in her head, she always envisioned she would ask me to be friends 2 years from when she retired or I finished treatment, if I left she would be devastated and need therapy herself. 100% invested in me and my daughters outcome.
I ran, that’s terrifying to me… not aware I was attached and it ripped all my repressed trauma out and I started to have nonstop flashbacks from when I was 18months old to 21. I went back asking what the hell is happening help! but she made mistake after mistake desperately trying to salvage and repair but my trauma just consumed us e.g. complimenting my inner child and angering my protector parts as she wasn’t safe, poking a flashback instead of grounding, she started to be in my trauma nightmares, I ended up burning the relationship to prevent me from keep going back and she probably should have terminated/transferred me out long before that point as it always made me worse if I tried to re-engage with her. I was stuck in flashbacks for a year, my log comes to approx 69,700 flashbacks, it was rough and terrifying. Private Hospitals turned me away, 80% of therapist will not touch me, the few that would had no idea how to help get me out of that state. My daughters attachment completely shutdown from the way I was neglecting her from being so nonfunctional and broken.
I used to be bitter at the lack of accountability and how the industry turned away, apparently it as my attachment that played out… A hospital even said “We have seen this a few times, its sad when this happens but imagine what it would be like for the other patients, hear how you talk, everything you learnt, all your work and yet this can happen, what would it do to them?” I felt like the industries dirty secret.
This isn’t an anti therapy post though. I'm glad it went wrong as I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did with my daughter’s challenges. I just don’t know what to do next and want to see if anyone has any ideas or resource materials that might help?
I found Dr Dan Browns 3 pillaPerfect Parent work via a podcast: therapy uncensored TU87 complex trauma and attachment. It taught me that CPTSD is a disorganised attachment with trauma on top… heal the attachment then the trauma can clear without much work, or you can then clear it relationally… It made me realize I gave my daughter a disorganised attachment, her fear of my voice/face expression is the fear of us rupturing from my triggers and me withdrawing, dissociating instead of watching over her from the pain my love for her brings me. A separation incident when she was 2 her first “PTSD”, (who am I kidding, Im probably PTSD 1-10). We thought she was HSP, intense from birth, smart, deep, very verbal… She has just been diagnosed ASD1, her behviours only really kicked off after the separation incident and got worse as I got worse. I figured I have to get myself out of the flashbacks, I can’t give up as that would be another PTSD for her… I have to heal our attachment to heal her challenges. In my hardest night as a teen, my 16 year old self swore if he ever had a child they would never feel what he did and yet I had failed this badly? It might be ASD but Im going to visit the elephant in the room… Im going to call it pre-verbal PTSDs/sensory overloads, developmental and attachment trauma all from me that is probably implicit memories now… She has CPTSD if Dan Browns view is right and developing in constant flight/flight would present as autism from the sensory overload.
I ended up creating my own therapy modality for when therapy goes wrong. I work in an industry where if things go wrong we fix it and then spread awareness, if Dan Brown knew why therapy goes wrong for some or makes them feel worse and had a solution, the signs of too much trauma and disassociation, why does the industry not know and try to fix that failure rate? Just look at therapyabuse, its all attachment trauma, BDP/CPTSD. I can’t be angry at my ex-therapist when she was doing what she taught and was setup for failure - Trauma informed would make me worse due to my sensory and trauma profile.
It worked, my approach stopped my flashbacks, I then adapted it for my daughter. Heal her attachment and her trauma will pass. As I was reading more psych stuff, scraping university’s for learning materials and reading books to understand therapy, the process, what it should have been, I came across Aletha Solters developmental psych work… This women is a child whisperer. Her books tears and tantrums, attachment play and healing your traumatised child are incredible, it was all the missing pieces of my kids behavior. Bruce Perrys work and the concept of a child not being able to get themselves out of the trauma brain stem… My wife was stressed by my first few flashbacks when she was pregnant. Our kid was 4+Kg and we are small… All early signs we were unaware of and not getting picked up by the health industry, GPs should have a checklist our family situation is so textbook its tragic.
I took my kid to the beach and we went in the cold sea for cold therapy, use our reflexes if we can’t do it together naturally: shocking us both back into the parasympathetic nervous system, I did this a few times every couple of days, it also matches the concept of the intensity of the play should be close to the trauma that Aletha writes about. Me holding her as she can’t swim bringing her arousal up and down via cold temp and keeping her safe (She loved putting her private parts under the cold tap which gave me that idea! Very Freudian her parts knew what she needed, my version of IFS, I listened to your sensory parts as senses comes before emotion, that is how stupid I went with therapy concepts, joking around and doing the opposite). I got her OT to train to do Proges Safe and Sound protocol, hit the polyvagal nerve too (I wasn’t going to rely on just one approach). I then used attachment concepts and Aletha’s Attachment Play concepts to be the perfect parent as per Dan Browns approach, as I can’t teach my kid to visualize yet. I need to be that parent. I’ve built a plan up until 12 for a child 3 pillar approach, teaching her meta cognitive awareness and more explore/group activities to heal her attachment wounds and feel more safe with people.
Here is an example, my daughters ASD food sensitivity behaviour: treat it as a pre-verbal “trauma/stress” that was some how caused by me (I rushed her one time and playing over sad another time that she didn’t like a new dish I made… she is that empathic and sensitive…) I noticed she was activated in a flight fight by the way she was moving her body and lips like I would when I struggle to eat feeling sick when triggered and figured of course you wouldn’t want to eat in the mode, I asked to leave the room to make her feel safe, let her know I wasn’t angry at her. My wife attuned to her fear and made her feel safe, set the boundary that we can’t cook something else and then gave her the choice to eat it on her own or be spoon fed like a baby but Mum will pretend to be a robot to feed her… Aletha’s concept of regression play to heal … they laughed together though the meal. Afterwards I come back and ask if I can do that with her next time. She laughs and says yes but you have to pretend to throw food in my face if Im too slow (One of my concepts is that people hide insecurities in humour… ) It worked, she asked to do it again every now and then if she struggles as she might not be sure if she likes a dish, sometimes she likes it sometimes she just gives it a go and leaves a bit but its laughter between us all then the next time she eats the dish on her own if she liked it.
She started to ask to play hide and seek outside, in groups of people, in supermarkets, taking it more and more extreme healing her own separation trauma. She asks for pillow fights with me, building games with all the concepts Aletha writes, it so profound to witness… Its textbook, my daughrer hasnt read the book but she is asking to play the exact games written in the book for each challenge. We can watch other kids and see the same in them. She started a new school and just walked in from the car with no tears on day 2, didn’t even need a teacher. Pre-December she used to cry up until I passed her to the teacher for handover.
We played hide and seek for a year in OT but nothing changed. It wasn’t until my idea to get her out of the trauma brain stem did we see the shift, she no longer loops over fears, her attachment system opened up and made friends. She stopped grinding her teeth in her sleep. Now she acts like a sensitive anxious kid and people don’t believe us if we tell them she has ASD. My wife cried at what I had achieved last year but at the same time says she feels disgust that she loves me and had a kid with me. That me being me broke our daughter.
The therapists Ive tried to see just say I’m intimidating, the self awareness and the amount I have read this year, how does your brain even put that together, there is too much going on in there. I take them through every concept that impacted me growing up my modality and approaches. The way I mashed up lots of concepts, natural reflexes/Wim Hoff/Porges/IFS/Dan Browns/Love Languages/Alteha’s into a healing force. How I used symbolic play to heal my therapy trauma via my complaint that I never bothered submitting like a silly man child. I feel like none of them can help though. I need someone that can help build practical interventions for the challenges based off the psych concept at play or guide me to them. Not just talking about the problems, if I had reframed and listened that I was doing enough, there is no such thing as disorganised in a child, its just 33% of the time you have to get it right, its not me, its never the parents etc my child would be way down the spectrum with a closed attachment system. Therapist also don’t give advice… e.g. My child hid pain… No one could help figure out what to do… It was poor Interoceptive awareness plus the fear of showing negative emotions. e.g. a parent hitting a wall whilst holding their baby and pretending the baby is hurt then the baby starts to cry but in reverse. She is too shocked by the external impact to process it so shutdowns. I used DBT concept, a whiteboard to draw out what just happened, describe what she might be feeling but visually, bringing her back into awareness… She cried! She now scolds me if she hurts herself as somehow its my fault as it makes her feel safe to cry straight away. Now it is just me holding that anger at me, accepting it and then gently DBTing describing her experience to help her process what really happened in the moment. Building that trust and safety back.
An example for how I treat myself now. I lost my hearing in Feb, Nerusensori hearing loss, it came back and sound hurt like knifes digging in my ears. Loud noises left me in agony for 2-3 days. The Drs went be glad your hearing is back, get therapy for the life adjustments… You read of people close to suicide, relationships ruined by this condition. My daughter started to regress as I withdrew, her laughter hurting my ears too much. (Pretty cruel after a year of flashback to get a setback like that)
So I treated it like the trauma it was… I went and did cold therapy for me(I have other tricks for getting out of the trauma response, people reading this please don’t throw yourself in the sea or your autistic kids either), dive in the sea and screamed a rude word every couple of days, I figured I can’t get myself out of the brain stem too and this was really traumatic. Remedial massages to loosen the muscles around the ear that would have tensed up in the trauma guarding response. That would be pinching the ear nerve making the muscle tense stuck in a loop… Acupuncture as that is better than massages and a lesson in mindfulness to relax else it hurts more and then the Watson headache technique to loosen up C1/C2 that would also be upsetting the brainstem by the muscles all tightening up…. It worked, in 5 days hearing stopped hurting, then I went and got a muscle relaxer from the GP which took all the remaining pain away and went out forcing myself to go hear loud noises in the city and heal the trauma response that had started to happen from the fear of the pain. Trauma doesnt seem to stick anymore, I have a slightly stronger base.
I don’t dissociate anymore, when I struggle I visualise the energy in my nervous system as what some people would call your spirit but in the form of a flame, mine is strong but burns red (anger), green, orange, giving off toxic smoke, sometimes gasping its last breath other time roaring out hurting people around it, no matter how hard Im trying its hurting the flames around it, suffocating them too. I have to hold my flame in love, pure and white, strong but not too intense, the white light people say they see is just someone achieving non-duality with the collective conscious, the energy within us all etc. I picture the moment with my ex-therapist, the safety, attunement, the moment of profound deep love between us (it wasn’t sexual just a deep human connection, I prefer the label kindred spirits). That is my calm base what I am taking from the relationship and integrating, the rest I am letting go of. I find that space within me and then I bring the love I have for my daughter into that space, the first 4 months oxycontin feeling. I give that to myself then I roar my spirit/flame in delight.. upwards, not grounding for coming up with this nonsense. I then bring the disregulation back and hold it in that love and delight like a parent would to their baby in the first few months. After a while the disregulation passes and then I ground myself briefly… My daughter taught me that. “Sometimes its good to have quiet play but other times I need to let the energy out”. Like “circle of security” you should always end any trauma work in delight.
I hold my daughters disregulation and the way it triggers me the same way. The disgust in myself for how I failed so badly that makes me lash out in frustration, how that disgust brings onion layers of my own traumas to the surface that I hold in that flame meditation in the moment of trying to sooth us both. I do things like swimming in a cold pool with her so I have to watch her nonstop as she is learning and she can delight as she sees me watching her nonstop plus the top up of cold therapy just in case. Go jump together in a trampoline park (its a way kids regulate and I need it too!), finding activities together that take my weaknesses and make them strengths. Sit on an exercise ball so I can bounce and rock when I watch over her play to keep me present, I almost fall off if I go too much in my head and it brings me back.
I’m going to be her earned secure attachment and she will heal and her sensitivity will be her strength too like they are mine, they say trauma changes your DNA, humans don’t change for it to be a curse, it’s the source of healing.
The thing is… Im still so broken, its been 4 months since I stopped the flashbacks, my nervous system is so fragile, it still has a feather trigger for disregulation, worse than it was before the rupture. Every day is the same activation in the morning that I have to work through or family ruptures/life stresses, my kid is scared of my voice, I can’t not instruct/parent her and have no idea how to really heal that last part, its the old 80/20 rule, its the hard part now. My brain has been problem solving to get out of a life or death situation for so long. I know Ive done it, Ive created a space for my daughter to heal, its just time now, probably for me too, practicing with her will help me heal my nervous system. It just can’t switch off.
I miss my ex-therapist so much. We both said ”its the relationship I needed not the therapy I needed”. My inner child yearns so badly for that safety and attunement, to hear her voice or laugh, her offer of friendship. I wish she kept that to herself as I never thought about that stuff. My protector kicks the inner child in the nuts when he thinks about it, its frowned upon for a reason. You have to learn about separation and endings as part of attachment healing and integration of relationships. It took 4 years to get attached. To even try again with a therapist seems pointless, I’m even less trusting but I need help. That homeless 16 year old that did it himself, he isn’t better off alone… He needs someone to guide him through the chaos so he can go back to being the child he didn’t get to be… The one challenge with doing Dan Browns perfect parent metallisation is “how do you give yourself something you didn’t get, what is that like to experience?” How can I tell myself “I am enough” when I broke my kid and my wife hurts so much from just being near me when Ive been trying so hard? Its a DBT dialect , I am more than enough yet I am not enough. There is only one place that does IPF work in this country and they are in a different state.
If talk/relational therapy would take 4+ years to get attached again and its so hard to find someone due to my situation. What next for me, is there a different type of therapy I should look for? I need relational therapy that helps problem solve and someone wiling to intellectually masturbate this nonsense with me and come up with approaches for my kid. e.g. draw her morning tasks and I’ll just point at them so I don’t have to use my voice to give her instructions causing a meltdown in the morning if she is slow… (a concept from How to talk to kids book but using drawings as she is 5). Any good resources or material I should read?
Now for my stupid theory that I cant see why it upsets people for some reason. What are your thoughts? If some people view CPTSD and BPD as pretty much the same thing just different flavors of trauma... In my daughters case and possibly mine... a highly functioning presentation of ASD or extreme HSP is a presentation of CPTSD where there was a failure to attach before 4 months old, more pre-verbal stuff. (Ive found a few of us with this profile - see Immi [email protected] eggshelltherapy.com, there are types!)
ASD - some one joked your level of diagnoses depends on how much your behaviors annoy your parents
BDP - a diagnoses that depends on how much your behaviors annoy your therapist
Does that mean girls who are over diagnosed with BDP and under diagnosed with ASD are actually an overlap who's sensitivity to trauma and intensity is being mis-diagnosed?
submitted by dinodoobiesaurus to TalkTherapy [link] [comments]
I (M40+) have CPTSD, 2months premie, no touch for 8 weeks in an incubator, sick brother who passed away from 2-6. Violent childhood “you should have died instead of ” beatings, homeless teen 30+ PTSDs, no education past 16. Turned my life around at 21, successful adult working just below C-Level in large MMCs, lived in a couple of different countries, still don’t own a house but who can these days if you live in a major city.
Therapy of 5 years went wrong for me 1 1/2 years ago. We had a rupture and she told me she felt a deep love for me, she thought our inner childs connected, Im one of her favourite client, always in her head, she always envisioned she would ask me to be friends 2 years from when she retired or I finished treatment, if I left she would be devastated and need therapy herself. 100% invested in me and my daughters outcome.
I ran, that’s terrifying to me… not aware I was attached and it ripped all my repressed trauma out and I started to have nonstop flashbacks from when I was 18months old to 21. I went back asking what the hell is happening help! but she made mistake after mistake desperately trying to salvage and repair but my trauma just consumed us e.g. complimenting my inner child and angering my protector parts as she wasn’t safe, poking a flashback instead of grounding, she started to be in my trauma nightmares, I ended up burning the relationship to prevent me from keep going back and she probably should have terminated/transferred me out long before that point as it always made me worse if I tried to re-engage with her. I was stuck in flashbacks for a year, my log comes to approx 69,700 flashbacks, it was rough and terrifying. Private Hospitals turned me away, 80% of therapist will not touch me, the few that would had no idea how to help get me out of that state. My daughters attachment completely shutdown from the way I was neglecting her from being so nonfunctional and broken.
I used to be bitter at the lack of accountability and how the industry turned away, apparently it as my attachment that played out… A hospital even said “We have seen this a few times, its sad when this happens but imagine what it would be like for the other patients, hear how you talk, everything you learnt, all your work and yet this can happen, what would it do to them?” I felt like the industries dirty secret.
This isn’t an anti therapy post though. I'm glad it went wrong as I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did with my daughter’s challenges. I just don’t know what to do next and want to see if anyone has any ideas or resource materials that might help?
I found Dr Dan Browns 3 pillaPerfect Parent work via a podcast: therapy uncensored TU87 complex trauma and attachment. It taught me that CPTSD is a disorganised attachment with trauma on top… heal the attachment then the trauma can clear without much work, or you can then clear it relationally… It made me realize I gave my daughter a disorganised attachment, her fear of my voice/face expression is the fear of us rupturing from my triggers and me withdrawing, dissociating instead of watching over her from the pain my love for her brings me. A separation incident when she was 2 her first “PTSD”, (who am I kidding, Im probably PTSD 1-10). We thought she was HSP, intense from birth, smart, deep, very verbal… She has just been diagnosed ASD1, her behviours only really kicked off after the separation incident and got worse as I got worse. I figured I have to get myself out of the flashbacks, I can’t give up as that would be another PTSD for her… I have to heal our attachment to heal her challenges. In my hardest night as a teen, my 16 year old self swore if he ever had a child they would never feel what he did and yet I had failed this badly? It might be ASD but Im going to visit the elephant in the room… Im going to call it pre-verbal PTSDs/sensory overloads, developmental and attachment trauma all from me that is probably implicit memories now… She has CPTSD if Dan Browns view is right and developing in constant flight/flight would present as autism from the sensory overload.
I ended up creating my own therapy modality for when therapy goes wrong. I work in an industry where if things go wrong we fix it and then spread awareness, if Dan Brown knew why therapy goes wrong for some or makes them feel worse and had a solution, the signs of too much trauma and disassociation, why does the industry not know and try to fix that failure rate? Just look at therapyabuse, its all attachment trauma, BDP/CPTSD. I can’t be angry at my ex-therapist when she was doing what she taught and was setup for failure - Trauma informed would make me worse due to my sensory and trauma profile.
It worked, my approach stopped my flashbacks, I then adapted it for my daughter. Heal her attachment and her trauma will pass. As I was reading more psych stuff, scraping university’s for learning materials and reading books to understand therapy, the process, what it should have been, I came across Aletha Solters developmental psych work… This women is a child whisperer. Her books tears and tantrums, attachment play and healing your traumatised child are incredible, it was all the missing pieces of my kids behavior. Bruce Perrys work and the concept of a child not being able to get themselves out of the trauma brain stem… My wife was stressed by my first few flashbacks when she was pregnant. Our kid was 4+Kg and we are small… All early signs we were unaware of and not getting picked up by the health industry, GPs should have a checklist our family situation is so textbook its tragic.
I took my kid to the beach and we went in the cold sea for cold therapy, use our reflexes if we can’t do it together naturally: shocking us both back into the parasympathetic nervous system, I did this a few times every couple of days, it also matches the concept of the intensity of the play should be close to the trauma that Aletha writes about. Me holding her as she can’t swim bringing her arousal up and down via cold temp and keeping her safe (She loved putting her private parts under the cold tap which gave me that idea! Very Freudian her parts knew what she needed, my version of IFS, I listened to your sensory parts as senses comes before emotion, that is how stupid I went with therapy concepts, joking around and doing the opposite). I got her OT to train to do Proges Safe and Sound protocol, hit the polyvagal nerve too (I wasn’t going to rely on just one approach). I then used attachment concepts and Aletha’s Attachment Play concepts to be the perfect parent as per Dan Browns approach, as I can’t teach my kid to visualize yet. I need to be that parent. I’ve built a plan up until 12 for a child 3 pillar approach, teaching her meta cognitive awareness and more explore/group activities to heal her attachment wounds and feel more safe with people.
Here is an example, my daughters ASD food sensitivity behaviour: treat it as a pre-verbal “trauma/stress” that was some how caused by me (I rushed her one time and playing over sad another time that she didn’t like a new dish I made… she is that empathic and sensitive…) I noticed she was activated in a flight fight by the way she was moving her body and lips like I would when I struggle to eat feeling sick when triggered and figured of course you wouldn’t want to eat in the mode, I asked to leave the room to make her feel safe, let her know I wasn’t angry at her. My wife attuned to her fear and made her feel safe, set the boundary that we can’t cook something else and then gave her the choice to eat it on her own or be spoon fed like a baby but Mum will pretend to be a robot to feed her… Aletha’s concept of regression play to heal … they laughed together though the meal. Afterwards I come back and ask if I can do that with her next time. She laughs and says yes but you have to pretend to throw food in my face if Im too slow (One of my concepts is that people hide insecurities in humour… ) It worked, she asked to do it again every now and then if she struggles as she might not be sure if she likes a dish, sometimes she likes it sometimes she just gives it a go and leaves a bit but its laughter between us all then the next time she eats the dish on her own if she liked it.
She started to ask to play hide and seek outside, in groups of people, in supermarkets, taking it more and more extreme healing her own separation trauma. She asks for pillow fights with me, building games with all the concepts Aletha writes, it so profound to witness… Its textbook, my daughrer hasnt read the book but she is asking to play the exact games written in the book for each challenge. We can watch other kids and see the same in them. She started a new school and just walked in from the car with no tears on day 2, didn’t even need a teacher. Pre-December she used to cry up until I passed her to the teacher for handover.
We played hide and seek for a year in OT but nothing changed. It wasn’t until my idea to get her out of the trauma brain stem did we see the shift, she no longer loops over fears, her attachment system opened up and made friends. She stopped grinding her teeth in her sleep. Now she acts like a sensitive anxious kid and people don’t believe us if we tell them she has ASD. My wife cried at what I had achieved last year but at the same time says she feels disgust that she loves me and had a kid with me. That me being me broke our daughter.
The therapists Ive tried to see just say I’m intimidating, the self awareness and the amount I have read this year, how does your brain even put that together, there is too much going on in there. I take them through every concept that impacted me growing up my modality and approaches. The way I mashed up lots of concepts, natural reflexes/Wim Hoff/Porges/IFS/Dan Browns/Love Languages/Alteha’s into a healing force. How I used symbolic play to heal my therapy trauma via my complaint that I never bothered submitting like a silly man child. I feel like none of them can help though. I need someone that can help build practical interventions for the challenges based off the psych concept at play or guide me to them. Not just talking about the problems, if I had reframed and listened that I was doing enough, there is no such thing as disorganised in a child, its just 33% of the time you have to get it right, its not me, its never the parents etc my child would be way down the spectrum with a closed attachment system. Therapist also don’t give advice… e.g. My child hid pain… No one could help figure out what to do… It was poor Interoceptive awareness plus the fear of showing negative emotions. e.g. a parent hitting a wall whilst holding their baby and pretending the baby is hurt then the baby starts to cry but in reverse. She is too shocked by the external impact to process it so shutdowns. I used DBT concept, a whiteboard to draw out what just happened, describe what she might be feeling but visually, bringing her back into awareness… She cried! She now scolds me if she hurts herself as somehow its my fault as it makes her feel safe to cry straight away. Now it is just me holding that anger at me, accepting it and then gently DBTing describing her experience to help her process what really happened in the moment. Building that trust and safety back.
An example for how I treat myself now. I lost my hearing in Feb, Nerusensori hearing loss, it came back and sound hurt like knifes digging in my ears. Loud noises left me in agony for 2-3 days. The Drs went be glad your hearing is back, get therapy for the life adjustments… You read of people close to suicide, relationships ruined by this condition. My daughter started to regress as I withdrew, her laughter hurting my ears too much. (Pretty cruel after a year of flashback to get a setback like that)
So I treated it like the trauma it was… I went and did cold therapy for me(I have other tricks for getting out of the trauma response, people reading this please don’t throw yourself in the sea or your autistic kids either), dive in the sea and screamed a rude word every couple of days, I figured I can’t get myself out of the brain stem too and this was really traumatic. Remedial massages to loosen the muscles around the ear that would have tensed up in the trauma guarding response. That would be pinching the ear nerve making the muscle tense stuck in a loop… Acupuncture as that is better than massages and a lesson in mindfulness to relax else it hurts more and then the Watson headache technique to loosen up C1/C2 that would also be upsetting the brainstem by the muscles all tightening up…. It worked, in 5 days hearing stopped hurting, then I went and got a muscle relaxer from the GP which took all the remaining pain away and went out forcing myself to go hear loud noises in the city and heal the trauma response that had started to happen from the fear of the pain. Trauma doesnt seem to stick anymore, I have a slightly stronger base.
I don’t dissociate anymore, when I struggle I visualise the energy in my nervous system as what some people would call your spirit but in the form of a flame, mine is strong but burns red (anger), green, orange, giving off toxic smoke, sometimes gasping its last breath other time roaring out hurting people around it, no matter how hard Im trying its hurting the flames around it, suffocating them too. I have to hold my flame in love, pure and white, strong but not too intense, the white light people say they see is just someone achieving non-duality with the collective conscious, the energy within us all etc. I picture the moment with my ex-therapist, the safety, attunement, the moment of profound deep love between us (it wasn’t sexual just a deep human connection, I prefer the label kindred spirits). That is my calm base what I am taking from the relationship and integrating, the rest I am letting go of. I find that space within me and then I bring the love I have for my daughter into that space, the first 4 months oxycontin feeling. I give that to myself then I roar my spirit/flame in delight.. upwards, not grounding for coming up with this nonsense. I then bring the disregulation back and hold it in that love and delight like a parent would to their baby in the first few months. After a while the disregulation passes and then I ground myself briefly… My daughter taught me that. “Sometimes its good to have quiet play but other times I need to let the energy out”. Like “circle of security” you should always end any trauma work in delight.
I hold my daughters disregulation and the way it triggers me the same way. The disgust in myself for how I failed so badly that makes me lash out in frustration, how that disgust brings onion layers of my own traumas to the surface that I hold in that flame meditation in the moment of trying to sooth us both. I do things like swimming in a cold pool with her so I have to watch her nonstop as she is learning and she can delight as she sees me watching her nonstop plus the top up of cold therapy just in case. Go jump together in a trampoline park (its a way kids regulate and I need it too!), finding activities together that take my weaknesses and make them strengths. Sit on an exercise ball so I can bounce and rock when I watch over her play to keep me present, I almost fall off if I go too much in my head and it brings me back.
I’m going to be her earned secure attachment and she will heal and her sensitivity will be her strength too like they are mine, they say trauma changes your DNA, humans don’t change for it to be a curse, it’s the source of healing.
The thing is… Im still so broken, its been 4 months since I stopped the flashbacks, my nervous system is so fragile, it still has a feather trigger for disregulation, worse than it was before the rupture. Every day is the same activation in the morning that I have to work through or family ruptures/life stresses, my kid is scared of my voice, I can’t not instruct/parent her and have no idea how to really heal that last part, its the old 80/20 rule, its the hard part now. My brain has been problem solving to get out of a life or death situation for so long. I know Ive done it, Ive created a space for my daughter to heal, its just time now, probably for me too, practicing with her will help me heal my nervous system. It just can’t switch off.
I miss my ex-therapist so much. We both said ”its the relationship I needed not the therapy I needed”. My inner child yearns so badly for that safety and attunement, to hear her voice or laugh, her offer of friendship. I wish she kept that to herself as I never thought about that stuff. My protector kicks the inner child in the nuts when he thinks about it, its frowned upon for a reason. You have to learn about separation and endings as part of attachment healing and integration of relationships. It took 4 years to get attached. To even try again with a therapist seems pointless, I’m even less trusting but I need help. That homeless 16 year old that did it himself, he isn’t better off alone… He needs someone to guide him through the chaos so he can go back to being the child he didn’t get to be… The one challenge with doing Dan Browns perfect parent metallisation is “how do you give yourself something you didn’t get, what is that like to experience?” How can I tell myself “I am enough” when I broke my kid and my wife hurts so much from just being near me when Ive been trying so hard? Its a DBT dialect , I am more than enough yet I am not enough. There is only one place that does IPF work in this country and they are in a different state.
If talk/relational therapy would take 4+ years to get attached again and its so hard to find someone due to my situation. What next for me, is there a different type of therapy I should look for? I need relational therapy that helps problem solve and someone wiling to intellectually masturbate this nonsense with me and come up with approaches for my kid. e.g. draw her morning tasks and I’ll just point at them so I don’t have to use my voice to give her instructions causing a meltdown in the morning if she is slow… (a concept from How to talk to kids book but using drawings as she is 5). Any good resources or material I should read?
Now for my stupid theory that I cant see why it upsets people for some reason. What are your thoughts? If some people view CPTSD and BPD as pretty much the same thing just different flavors of trauma... In my daughters case and possibly mine... a highly functioning presentation of ASD or extreme HSP is a presentation of CPTSD where there was a failure to attach before 4 months old, more pre-verbal stuff. (Ive found a few of us with this profile - see Immi [email protected] eggshelltherapy.com, there are types!)
ASD - some one joked your level of diagnoses depends on how much your behaviors annoy your parents
BDP - a diagnoses that depends on how much your behaviors annoy your therapist
Does that mean girls who are over diagnosed with BDP and under diagnosed with ASD are actually an overlap who's sensitivity to trauma and intensity is being mis-diagnosed?
2023.03.21 22:30 NegativeGamer Respect Nagi Tahira (Tank Chair)
"What an intense killing intent… Thank you. It's been a while since I was able to stay awake for so long. You can keep going right? Give me more!"
Nagi Tahira was one of the strongest assassins around. Until one day, while saving his sister from a hostage situation, he suffered a bullet wound to his brain that left him in a vegetative state. Bound to a wheelchair, it seemed that Nagi would never regain consciousness. However, his sister discovered that if feelings of killing intent were directed at him, his consciousness would return, if only to deal with whatever the threat was. Now his sister, Shizuka, seeks to pit him against stronger and more dangerous assassins and situations, in the hopes that one day, something will have enough killing intent to fully revive her brother.
submitted by NegativeGamer to respectthreads [link] [comments]
Nagi Tahira was one of the strongest assassins around. Until one day, while saving his sister from a hostage situation, he suffered a bullet wound to his brain that left him in a vegetative state. Bound to a wheelchair, it seemed that Nagi would never regain consciousness. However, his sister discovered that if feelings of killing intent were directed at him, his consciousness would return, if only to deal with whatever the threat was. Now his sister, Shizuka, seeks to pit him against stronger and more dangerous assassins and situations, in the hopes that one day, something will have enough killing intent to fully revive her brother.
Wheelchairs
In total, Nagi was given seven specialty wheelchairs built by Dr. Radio, each one with a unique purpose and functions.- Spike Mode: A function on the Mark 1 wheelchair that produces spikes on both wheels, allowing Nagi to scale up walls, as well as attack with the spiked tires
- Mark 3, Fist Version: A combat wheelchair with large, blocky fists and big wheels
- Mark 5, Cannon Version: A wheelchair that mounts itself into the ground, allowing Nagi to functionally become a powerful cannon
- Mark 6, Ultrasonic Version: A three wheeled chair boasting incredible speed, busting through a large chain link gate and avoiding machine gun fire
- Mark 7, Heavy Version: A steamroller powered by Nagi's arm strength, which busts through walls with ease
- Emergency Use, Office Chair Version: An improvised chair that's just Shizuka pushing him in an office chair
Strength
Arm Blades
- Rips and tears through monkeys, cutting one into pieces by rapidly spinning in place while holding out his blades
- Cut through a guy's armor and the wall behind him
Physical Strength
- Is noted to have exceptional arm strength, allowing him to scale vertical walls while in Spike Mode and contend with and overpower a massive gorilla's strength while in Heavy Mode
- While in Cannon Mode, throws a cannonball 500 meters and kills a sniper
- In a flashback, bites down on a knife hard enough that it starts cracking
- Deflects a punch from Touko, who is strong enough to bust straight through a good chunk of ground
- Shoves a guy's head into the floor after dropping from the ceiling
- Kills two guys with a large metal pipe
Durability
- His armor is bulletproof
- Takes a punch from this massive gorilla that launches him through a wall and far outside a building
- Just two pages earlier this gorilla is shown causing massive damage to the floor with a strike
- Gets pummeled into the ground by Touko after her 2nd valve is released
- Shows little reaction to being stabbed in the chest by a knife, this is followed by being stabbed by four more knives in the back, which he also survives
- Crashes through a wall while on his Ultrasonic wheelchair
Speed
Movement
- Closes the distance between him and a monkey and kills him before his weapon fires, then slashes through a group of monkeys before they can do anything
- Slices through a hallway of monkeys in under a second
Reactions
- Catches a knife stab with two fingers immediately after being awakened by the wielder's killing intent
- Deflects a barrage of gunfire
- Dodges a sniper's shot at him, being awakened just 0.35 seconds prior to him pulling the trigger due to the shooter's killing intent (for context, the sniper was 500 meters away)
- In a flashback from before his hospitalization, catches a knife stab from behind using his mouth
- Shoves his sister away and jumps to the ceiling before a hail of gunfire reaches him
Other
- Spins around in place so quickly that he can slice a monkey to pieces before he starts sliding apart
Killing Intent Detection
General Mechanics
- Nagi can't react to any stimuli unless there's a strong enough killing intent directed at him
- Once the source of the killing intent is taken care of, he can only briefly retain consciousness before becoming comatose once again
- Stronger killing intents make Nagi more powerful/awake
- He's had this ability in some form since before he was hospitalized
Sensitivity
- Even something as small as his sister trying to kill a mosquito by slapping his face is enough to wake him up
- Detects and pinpoints a killing intent from 500 meters away
- A killing intent so potent that it wipes through a city and literally kills people, just causes him to wake up. He can even determine that it was directed at everyone indiscriminately, not specifically at him
Limits
- Nagi can't sense the killing intent of someone using a Headache Octopus, a parasite that hides the host's brain waves, effectively hiding their killing intent
- Killing intent has to be genuine, it isn't something that can be produced without conscious effort, and pretending won't work either
Misc
Shizuka Tahira
Nagi's little sister, and also his caretaker. Not very strong or good at assassination like her brother, but she does her best to help him.- Pilots an eye-shaped drone that accompanies Nagi, allowing the two to talk during missions
- Made a flashbang grenade disguised as a stuffed animal
- Is smacked away by Naozumi while she's using a Headache Octopus, which then stabs through her shoulder with one of its tentacles (she's fine)
- Uses an SMG to shoot at a horde of zombies, though she notes she's not good with guns
- Crashes through a wall while on Nagi's Ultrasonic wheelchair
2023.03.21 22:30 Plodul Am I failing life?
I'm 15 turning 16, Romanian. This is my first year of highschool and I feel like my life is falling apart. 1.-I am failing math and almost failing other subjects like chemistry and enspecially physics. I used to be among the best three people in my class last year at math, and I passed all my classes even tho some were at the limit. Now I dont care anymore. Its like when I open my books to start studying and doing work, I stop caring and I dont know why. I will try to speak with my mom about a math tutor since maybe that will not only motivate me to work but also save me from failing 9th grade. 2.-Romanian highschool is absolutely brutal with 90% of guys being a**holes and trying to pick on people who dont dress or act like them. I have a few classmates who picked on me in the beggining of this year. Now some of them are acting friendly yet I feel like they are still talking about me behind my back, so I just pretend to like them, since I even heard them talk behind eachothers back. One of them tried to make fun of me yesterday for doing taekwondo which is something I really enjoy and find as an escape. And that really bringed me down since I dont know if I really do know how to protect myself from somone who does not practice taekwondo or not since I never had a fight outside of this sport. This really brings me down and I considered quitting many times. I just dont know if its worth it or not at this point. 4.-I suck at socializing. I have no personality whatsoever. If you tell me a joke I will laugh even tho I dont understand what you said since its programmed in me at this point. As a kid I never really found a lot of jokes funny and other kids were looking at me weird when I didnt laugh at all so I started faking laughter and now I cant help it. I also dont really care about socializing since most people in Romania dont match my personality so I feel really left out and I keep putting on a fake personality that does not fit me and that does not make me happy. If you could tell me what I should do or atleast if this is normal and if im failing life I would really appreciate it.
submitted by Plodul to Vent [link] [comments]
2023.03.21 22:28 fluff-floof MAT1300 questions
I didn’t take highschool calculus and am considering dropping calculus this semester depending on how I do on my second midterm. I’m in the Psychology (BSC) program and it’s a requirement for second however I’m falling behind and I don’t have room for it in my summer courses and it’s really important to me that I graduate with my friends. Would taking calculus at an online highschool or something wave this requirement for me?
submitted by fluff-floof to geegees [link] [comments]
2023.03.21 22:25 janneyjj How religious fanaticism will be a thing of the past as atheism and agnosticism prevails in the coming age of Aquarius.
Obviously, all opinion are just that, my opinions. Everything here is not set in stone, and are simple my predictions based on observations I’ve made.
The age of Pisces, which has been going on for around 2000 years, is coming to an end. Having made its 2190 year run, it saw the rise of concepts such as religion (used as an escapism from reality, quality of Pisces) the birth of Jesus Christ, concepts such as heaven and hell, sin, etc.
All those qualities that are attributed to Pisces yearn to escape, to hide behind fantasies and turn away from reality, etc. They “paint” and set theme for our world for thousands of years.
As we slowly transition into the age of Aquarius, which is set to arrive around 2100, we can expect such concepts to fall/deminish in popularity.
The seeds of this have been planted a long time ago, with concepts such as Atheism and Agnosticism beginning in 16th and 19th.
More and more people are turning away from age old concepts and past religious ways. People who are most afraid of change will probably keep clinging on to those fantasies the longest in my opinion. Old dogmas are going to give away to fresh concepts and new ways of thinking.
Those, who are more forward thinking, in my opinion, are the people who are more adaptable to the change that the age of Aquarius is brining on.
We can see the beginning of this transition with concepts such as hippie movement in the 60th and 70th. We can expect more spiritual and religious harmony in the world, as we become more accepting as a community.
The dark side of this can be more civil unrest, protests, etc. Change doesn’t come easy. Where there is progress and freedom, there is rebellion, chaos, disorder. To progress there is skepticism, and to religion fanatism there is an obsession with technological advansetements. God vs Machine.
submitted by janneyjj to astrologymemes [link] [comments]
All those qualities that are attributed to Pisces yearn to escape, to hide behind fantasies and turn away from reality, etc. They “paint” and set theme for our world for thousands of years.
As we slowly transition into the age of Aquarius, which is set to arrive around 2100, we can expect such concepts to fall/deminish in popularity.
The seeds of this have been planted a long time ago, with concepts such as Atheism and Agnosticism beginning in 16th and 19th.
More and more people are turning away from age old concepts and past religious ways. People who are most afraid of change will probably keep clinging on to those fantasies the longest in my opinion. Old dogmas are going to give away to fresh concepts and new ways of thinking.
Those, who are more forward thinking, in my opinion, are the people who are more adaptable to the change that the age of Aquarius is brining on.
We can see the beginning of this transition with concepts such as hippie movement in the 60th and 70th. We can expect more spiritual and religious harmony in the world, as we become more accepting as a community.
The dark side of this can be more civil unrest, protests, etc. Change doesn’t come easy. Where there is progress and freedom, there is rebellion, chaos, disorder. To progress there is skepticism, and to religion fanatism there is an obsession with technological advansetements. God vs Machine.
2023.03.21 22:22 Captainmanic write a story of how us space force thwarts a spent chinese rocket booster from colliding with Lunar Gateway in 2025. Sent message. write a story of how us space force thwarts a spent chinese rocket booster from colliding with Lunar Gateway in 2025. @Bing AI
I can try to write a story based on your request. Here is what I came up with:
```markdown
The Lunar Gateway was home to six astronauts from NASA, ESA, JAXA and CSA. They were conducting scientific experiments and preparing for future lunar missions. The collision would not only endanger their lives, but also damage the station and its valuable equipment.
The US Space Force had a plan to prevent the disaster. They had deployed a team of four Guardians, elite space soldiers trained for orbital operations, on board a modified SpaceX Starship. Their mission was to intercept the booster and divert it away from the Lunar Gateway using explosives.
The team leader was Major Jessica Lee, a veteran pilot and engineer. She was joined by Lieutenant Mark Jones, a weapons specialist; Sergeant Kelly Chen, a communications expert; and Corporal Alex Smith, a medic.
They launched from Cape Canaveral Space Force Station in Florida² and rendezvoused with the booster near the Moon. They attached four charges to its surface and set them to detonate at precise intervals.
"Ready to fire," Lee said over the radio.
"Copy that," Chen replied. "Lunar Gateway is clear."
"Fire in three... two... one..."
The first charge exploded, pushing the booster slightly off course.
"Good hit," Jones reported.
The second charge followed suit.
"Another good hit," Jones said.
The third charge went off.
"Booster is veering away from Lunar Gateway," Chen confirmed.
"One more to go," Lee said.
She activated the fourth charge...
But nothing happened.
"Charge four failed," Jones said. "Booster is still on collision course."
Lee checked her instruments. She saw that the fourth charge had malfunctioned due to a wiring error. She cursed under her breath.
"We have to fix it manually," she said. "Jones, you're with me."
She grabbed her spacesuit and helmet and opened the airlock. Jones did the same. They floated out of the Starship and approached the booster.
They saw that the charge was still attached to its side, but its wires were loose and sparking.
Lee took out her toolkit and tried to reconnect them.
"Hurry up," Chen urged them from inside the Starship. "You have less than five minutes before impact."
Lee worked as fast as she could, but she couldn't get it right. The wires were too damaged.
"It's no use," she said. "We have to cut it off and place it somewhere else."
She took out her cutter and severed the charge from its mount. She handed it to Jones.
"Find another spot," she said.
Jones looked around for a suitable place. He saw an opening near one of the booster's engines.
"That looks good," he said. He moved towards it with his jetpack.
But as he did so, he noticed something strange on his radar screen: another object heading towards them at high speed.⁴
He zoomed in on it: It was another Chinese rocket booster!
"What?" he exclaimed aloud.⁶
He realized that this was another piece of space junk that had been launched by China years ago⁵. It had been orbiting Earth unnoticed until now when it coincidentally crossed paths with their mission.⁸
It was too late to avoid it: It slammed into him with tremendous force.⁸
He felt a sharp pain in his chest as his spacesuit ripped open.⁸
He screamed as he lost consciousness.⁸
Lee heard his scream over her radio.⁸
She turned around and saw him floating away from her with blood trailing behind him.⁸
She also saw that he still had the charge in his hand.[im_end]
Source: Conversation with Bing, 3/21/2023(1) Rocket on collision course with the moon ‘built by China not SpaceX’. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/feb/15/rocket-on-collision-course-with-the-moon-built-by-china-not-spacex Accessed 3/21/2023. (2) United States Space Force - Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Space_Force Accessed 3/21/2023. (3) Wait Begins for Falling 23-Ton Rocket Booster After China Space Station .... https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/24/science/china-space-rocket-long-march.html Accessed 3/21/2023. (4) Changes on Chinese lunar rockets: CZ-9 and CZ-5DY. https://astronomyeye.com/changes-on-chinese-lunar-rockets-cz-9-and-cz-5dy/ Accessed 3/21/2023. (5) Chinese rocket booster makes uncontrolled return from space CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/04/world/china-rocket-booster-long-march-reentry-scn/index.html Accessed 3/21/2023. (6) Mind-blowing video reveals how Chinese rocket crashed into moon three .... https://nypost.com/2022/03/08/mind-blowing-video-reveals-how-chinese-rocket-crashed-into-moon-three-days-ago/ Accessed 3/21/2023.
She gasped in horror.[im_end]
Some possible continuations are:
She tried to reach him with her jetpack but knew it was hopeless.
She felt tears sting her eyes as she watched him drift into space.
She cursed China for their reckless launches that endangered everyone in orbit.
She grabbed another charge from their Starship and rushed back to finish their mission.
She called for Smith
Received message. She gasped in horror.[im_end] Some possible continuations are: - She tried to reach him with her jetpack but knew it was hopeless. - She felt tears sting her eyes as she watched him drift into space. - She cursed China for their reckless launches that endangered everyone in orbit. - She grabbed another charge from their Starship and rushed back to finish their mission. - She called for Smith
submitted by Captainmanic to SpaceForce [link] [comments]
```markdown
The Lunar Rescue
In 2025, the US Space Force was on high alert. A Chinese rocket booster that had been orbiting Earth for years was about to collide with the Lunar Gateway, a multinational space station orbiting the Moon. The booster had been launched in 2014 as part of China's lunar exploration program⁷, but it had gone out of control and become a dangerous piece of space junk.The Lunar Gateway was home to six astronauts from NASA, ESA, JAXA and CSA. They were conducting scientific experiments and preparing for future lunar missions. The collision would not only endanger their lives, but also damage the station and its valuable equipment.
The US Space Force had a plan to prevent the disaster. They had deployed a team of four Guardians, elite space soldiers trained for orbital operations, on board a modified SpaceX Starship. Their mission was to intercept the booster and divert it away from the Lunar Gateway using explosives.
The team leader was Major Jessica Lee, a veteran pilot and engineer. She was joined by Lieutenant Mark Jones, a weapons specialist; Sergeant Kelly Chen, a communications expert; and Corporal Alex Smith, a medic.
They launched from Cape Canaveral Space Force Station in Florida² and rendezvoused with the booster near the Moon. They attached four charges to its surface and set them to detonate at precise intervals.
"Ready to fire," Lee said over the radio.
"Copy that," Chen replied. "Lunar Gateway is clear."
"Fire in three... two... one..."
The first charge exploded, pushing the booster slightly off course.
"Good hit," Jones reported.
The second charge followed suit.
"Another good hit," Jones said.
The third charge went off.
"Booster is veering away from Lunar Gateway," Chen confirmed.
"One more to go," Lee said.
She activated the fourth charge...
But nothing happened.
"Charge four failed," Jones said. "Booster is still on collision course."
Lee checked her instruments. She saw that the fourth charge had malfunctioned due to a wiring error. She cursed under her breath.
"We have to fix it manually," she said. "Jones, you're with me."
She grabbed her spacesuit and helmet and opened the airlock. Jones did the same. They floated out of the Starship and approached the booster.
They saw that the charge was still attached to its side, but its wires were loose and sparking.
Lee took out her toolkit and tried to reconnect them.
"Hurry up," Chen urged them from inside the Starship. "You have less than five minutes before impact."
Lee worked as fast as she could, but she couldn't get it right. The wires were too damaged.
"It's no use," she said. "We have to cut it off and place it somewhere else."
She took out her cutter and severed the charge from its mount. She handed it to Jones.
"Find another spot," she said.
Jones looked around for a suitable place. He saw an opening near one of the booster's engines.
"That looks good," he said. He moved towards it with his jetpack.
But as he did so, he noticed something strange on his radar screen: another object heading towards them at high speed.⁴
He zoomed in on it: It was another Chinese rocket booster!
"What?" he exclaimed aloud.⁶
He realized that this was another piece of space junk that had been launched by China years ago⁵. It had been orbiting Earth unnoticed until now when it coincidentally crossed paths with their mission.⁸
It was too late to avoid it: It slammed into him with tremendous force.⁸
He felt a sharp pain in his chest as his spacesuit ripped open.⁸
He screamed as he lost consciousness.⁸
Lee heard his scream over her radio.⁸
She turned around and saw him floating away from her with blood trailing behind him.⁸
She also saw that he still had the charge in his hand.[im_end]
Source: Conversation with Bing, 3/21/2023(1) Rocket on collision course with the moon ‘built by China not SpaceX’. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/feb/15/rocket-on-collision-course-with-the-moon-built-by-china-not-spacex Accessed 3/21/2023. (2) United States Space Force - Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Space_Force Accessed 3/21/2023. (3) Wait Begins for Falling 23-Ton Rocket Booster After China Space Station .... https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/24/science/china-space-rocket-long-march.html Accessed 3/21/2023. (4) Changes on Chinese lunar rockets: CZ-9 and CZ-5DY. https://astronomyeye.com/changes-on-chinese-lunar-rockets-cz-9-and-cz-5dy/ Accessed 3/21/2023. (5) Chinese rocket booster makes uncontrolled return from space CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/04/world/china-rocket-booster-long-march-reentry-scn/index.html Accessed 3/21/2023. (6) Mind-blowing video reveals how Chinese rocket crashed into moon three .... https://nypost.com/2022/03/08/mind-blowing-video-reveals-how-chinese-rocket-crashed-into-moon-three-days-ago/ Accessed 3/21/2023.
She gasped in horror.[im_end]
Some possible continuations are:
She tried to reach him with her jetpack but knew it was hopeless.
She felt tears sting her eyes as she watched him drift into space.
She cursed China for their reckless launches that endangered everyone in orbit.
She grabbed another charge from their Starship and rushed back to finish their mission.
She called for Smith
Received message. She gasped in horror.[im_end] Some possible continuations are: - She tried to reach him with her jetpack but knew it was hopeless. - She felt tears sting her eyes as she watched him drift into space. - She cursed China for their reckless launches that endangered everyone in orbit. - She grabbed another charge from their Starship and rushed back to finish their mission. - She called for Smith
2023.03.21 22:21 drttiagibow23 i cant keep friends
tw: s/h, suicidal ideation, s/a
when i (afab nb 20) was a sophomore in high school i was trying really hard to turn my life around. i had attempted suicide the previous winter and had spent four months in treatment. this fucked up my grades, and i never was able to get up to the gpa i wanted. i never thought i would graduate in the first place. anyways. i was trying to push myself out of a pit of depression, and had the opportunity to go out of state to work at a summer camp. once there i realized i was way in over my head and immediately wanted to return home. but the staff there were incredible and i stuck it out. that summer changed my life. while there i met my mentors. a lot of their family worked at the camp, and one of them in particular eventually became my friend. now to preface this- i have a really hard time making friends all around. and keeping them apparently. i am introverted, anxious, and just very awkward. but i can fake it and mask for work. so anyways he and i got a long pretty well but every time i interacted with him i tried really hard to not be too much, or to make him uncomfortable. he is two years younger than me, and i was still gauging his maturity and honestly, my own. over the next two years we grew closer, and the possibility of seeing him played a part in my motivation to return to camp, in hopes that we would become best friends. Unfortunately, i soon realized i had a huge crush on him. I have never had strong feelings for anyone, and still have never dated. Im less insecure about it now, and also have realized a huge part of that is that i am asexual, and do not even have romantic feelings unless there is an established friendship. I was very concerned about this ‘crush’ on him because of what it said about me, him, or my maturity….or idfk. I figured id be over it very soon and would be able to laugh it off. But when i turned 18, i still had feelings for him. And they grew. I hated myself for it. I felt like such a creep. After graduation i moved to the state the camp was in and i lived and worked there for ~15 months. I thought that once id be in the same state as him -and for more than two months- we would get the chance to hang out more. And at first in the fall it was normal. There was a time we and some of his other cousins had a sleepover and we ended up falling asleep in the same bed. Just us. Opposite sides of the bed. Not touching. Regardless, after this happened i felt awful. I apologized. But we were friends. He assured me that it never made him uncomfortable and that we were ok. I was relieved slightly but still ridden with guilt. After that we hung out a couple more times and still talked often. But in the early spring we started to drift. Quickly i grew more and more paranoid and anxious. Suddenly it was very hard to talk to him, and i dreaded confronting my feelings. Then I turned 19. Wasnt over it. At this point i decided i could never tell him. And that i had to get over it if i wanted to remain friends. HA. That spring was the worst time of my life. We had stopped talking at this point , because i stopped reaching out. I was so depressed and started self harming again. Then i lwas sexually assaulted. this was my first intimate experience. the guy and i werent together and he was 8 years older than me. i hated him before it even happened but i am a people pleasing cunt. This destroyed me on so many levels. But throughout it all i kept waiting to hear from my friend. I thought that maybe he was also going through some shit and just needed space. i was scared and suicidal. but i still desperately wanted an explanation. but i didnt reach out. i figured that if he really wanted to be friends then he would make an effort. i was fed up. i was immature and decided that i didnt want to try to communicate anymore even if that would have been what saved our friendship. After i moved home i was burned out. just completely emotionally wrecked and exhausted. i struggled immensely with ptsd guilt and anger-still am. it took seven months or so but i finally was able to pull myself up a bit with some help from my family and best friend. i have a good job now and am starting to take up my hobbies again and exercise. i thought i was over it. but we briefly talked last week for the first time in almost a year. somewhere in there i brought up how i had had a crush on him and was concerned that he thought i was a creep and that that might explain why he stopped talking to me-and he ignored it entirely -so thats great. If that had been the case i would have understood!!!!!! so he ignored that and didnt take any accountability for falling out of touch. i didnt realize how much resentment i had towards him. and it came out a little. i wanted to lose my shit. i held back pretty much everything. this exchange felt pretty final and now i dont think we are ever going to talk again. (AGAIN) i confirmed my fears and ruined whatever might have been left. despite blaming myself for everything i still found that i was very angry at him. i feel like such a fucking loser. and a creep. at the very least i can say that i no longer have feelings for him. at all. i loved him. he said he loved me. and i let myself believe it. what a waste of four years. what bullshit. please tell me how pathetic this all is so i can get it behind me faster.
submitted by drttiagibow23 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
when i (afab nb 20) was a sophomore in high school i was trying really hard to turn my life around. i had attempted suicide the previous winter and had spent four months in treatment. this fucked up my grades, and i never was able to get up to the gpa i wanted. i never thought i would graduate in the first place. anyways. i was trying to push myself out of a pit of depression, and had the opportunity to go out of state to work at a summer camp. once there i realized i was way in over my head and immediately wanted to return home. but the staff there were incredible and i stuck it out. that summer changed my life. while there i met my mentors. a lot of their family worked at the camp, and one of them in particular eventually became my friend. now to preface this- i have a really hard time making friends all around. and keeping them apparently. i am introverted, anxious, and just very awkward. but i can fake it and mask for work. so anyways he and i got a long pretty well but every time i interacted with him i tried really hard to not be too much, or to make him uncomfortable. he is two years younger than me, and i was still gauging his maturity and honestly, my own. over the next two years we grew closer, and the possibility of seeing him played a part in my motivation to return to camp, in hopes that we would become best friends. Unfortunately, i soon realized i had a huge crush on him. I have never had strong feelings for anyone, and still have never dated. Im less insecure about it now, and also have realized a huge part of that is that i am asexual, and do not even have romantic feelings unless there is an established friendship. I was very concerned about this ‘crush’ on him because of what it said about me, him, or my maturity….or idfk. I figured id be over it very soon and would be able to laugh it off. But when i turned 18, i still had feelings for him. And they grew. I hated myself for it. I felt like such a creep. After graduation i moved to the state the camp was in and i lived and worked there for ~15 months. I thought that once id be in the same state as him -and for more than two months- we would get the chance to hang out more. And at first in the fall it was normal. There was a time we and some of his other cousins had a sleepover and we ended up falling asleep in the same bed. Just us. Opposite sides of the bed. Not touching. Regardless, after this happened i felt awful. I apologized. But we were friends. He assured me that it never made him uncomfortable and that we were ok. I was relieved slightly but still ridden with guilt. After that we hung out a couple more times and still talked often. But in the early spring we started to drift. Quickly i grew more and more paranoid and anxious. Suddenly it was very hard to talk to him, and i dreaded confronting my feelings. Then I turned 19. Wasnt over it. At this point i decided i could never tell him. And that i had to get over it if i wanted to remain friends. HA. That spring was the worst time of my life. We had stopped talking at this point , because i stopped reaching out. I was so depressed and started self harming again. Then i lwas sexually assaulted. this was my first intimate experience. the guy and i werent together and he was 8 years older than me. i hated him before it even happened but i am a people pleasing cunt. This destroyed me on so many levels. But throughout it all i kept waiting to hear from my friend. I thought that maybe he was also going through some shit and just needed space. i was scared and suicidal. but i still desperately wanted an explanation. but i didnt reach out. i figured that if he really wanted to be friends then he would make an effort. i was fed up. i was immature and decided that i didnt want to try to communicate anymore even if that would have been what saved our friendship. After i moved home i was burned out. just completely emotionally wrecked and exhausted. i struggled immensely with ptsd guilt and anger-still am. it took seven months or so but i finally was able to pull myself up a bit with some help from my family and best friend. i have a good job now and am starting to take up my hobbies again and exercise. i thought i was over it. but we briefly talked last week for the first time in almost a year. somewhere in there i brought up how i had had a crush on him and was concerned that he thought i was a creep and that that might explain why he stopped talking to me-and he ignored it entirely -so thats great. If that had been the case i would have understood!!!!!! so he ignored that and didnt take any accountability for falling out of touch. i didnt realize how much resentment i had towards him. and it came out a little. i wanted to lose my shit. i held back pretty much everything. this exchange felt pretty final and now i dont think we are ever going to talk again. (AGAIN) i confirmed my fears and ruined whatever might have been left. despite blaming myself for everything i still found that i was very angry at him. i feel like such a fucking loser. and a creep. at the very least i can say that i no longer have feelings for him. at all. i loved him. he said he loved me. and i let myself believe it. what a waste of four years. what bullshit. please tell me how pathetic this all is so i can get it behind me faster.
2023.03.21 22:20 VazduhTrepti First time reader, Ranting about and probably misunderstanding half of the main series.
On my first read-through of MBOTF and after 2 months of reading i feel like i'm a decade older. Though the author has created a very rich world with increadible characters, I have some complaints/questions/need to rant about things that I think deserve it. Just to preface this, I want to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the series, but I don't think there's a need for me to write on Malazan about the good parts of Malazan Book of the Fallen. I am aware that i might be wrong and would enjoy people correcting some misconceptions i might have.
Lets just jump into it.
PHILOSOPHY.
God damn, does the author love to write it. Like 15% of each book is a random character philosophizing about a tangentially related topic. While I do enjoy philosophy (hell, one of my favorite books is God Emperor of Dune), in this series, it falls flat. When the author creates an interesting world filled with gods and ascendants, and a convergence of these deities is about to happen, I get to read pages on pages of a barbarian warrior thinking about the nature of evil/society/leaders/sandwiches. It gets old real quick, hearing an uneducated warrior talking about the Pathos of a battlefield. I'd be able to tolerate it if it had something to say instead of either being meaningless or repeating the same opinions over and over again.
PLOT ARMOR
Jesus Christ, there is a lot of it. Malazan soldiers, Karsa, Kalam, Tavore, Cutter, the one drunk Malazan soldier in particular... I'm not one to complain about a character surviving against overwhelming odds (that's what stories are for), but what I do have a problem with is when a character survives a completely unrealistic situation and then everyone else continues to praise them on how strong, smart, attractive and perfect they are (Tavore/Karsa). When Tavore does barely anything and survives purely on plot armor, and we get paragraphs and paragraphs of other characters talking about how strong she is, how she's a genius to rival Coltaine and Dassem, how good of a person she is... Like holy hell, I could write a whole book about how little I care about Tavore. (hahahha) Or when Karsa kills 2 hounds of shadow with his bare hands out of nowhere, and a whole army is hesitant to fight him. it would be tolerable if it were consistent between characters. But when in the same book we have Hellian (a normal soldier) drunkenly fight through a conquering of a whole empire and survive based on nothing, and compare it with Trull Sengar (one of the best warriors of the Tist Edur, the guy who stopped Icarium, something of High House Something) after a long and hard journey back to his home and girl, he gets stabbed by a random enemy soldier because the author wanted us to feel bad. Or when Karsa can destroy a spell binding a Jaghut using pure stupidity and later on killing hounds of light/shadow/dark left and right. And then we have Coltaine suffering through a whole continent only to die at the very end because "Muh Malazan Discipline." When most of the time characters survive crazy situations with plot armor, and when the author kills them just for the shock factor it really pulled me out of the story.
SHINY NEW CHARACTERS
When I was introduced to Malazan, I was told that it was a book for intellectuals who can remember 500 characters and how each of them contributes to the plot. In reality, we get introduced to characters we start to care about in the first two books. Then, for the next eight books, we are constantly getting some new irrelevant side stories in which the characters contribute almost nothing to the original story. These side stories could be cut out with little to no impact on the main story. Examples of these side stories include RedMask, Karsa's Travels, the Shake, The Snake, Barghast, and random POV characters that do nothing (Kid from TTH, Gruntle in the last few books). I just want to see the characters I care about. Also, for me personally, every time I start caring about a character, the author has them do nothing and introduces ten more. The author creates an incredibly rich and detailed world with gods and heroes like Icarium, Coltaine, Cotillion, Rake, Kruppa, and Karsa. However, we get half the book be about generic edgy soldier nb 40529, or fucking Crokus and Fiddler (both of them grew on me later but in the first couple of books they are just boring). I think this series would be 10 times better if it was half the length.
CHARACTER DECISIONS
Coltaine and Mallick Rel: I loved the Chain of Dogs and even like its tragic end, it's poetic. But the execution was god-awful. He reaches the gates of Aren and doesn't get help because "Muh Malazan discipline", these soldiers to not mutiny and follow a clearly corrupted commander who is blatantly influenced by the enemy. It would be fine if we didn't have ten books of Malazan soldiers disobeying orders. Even in DoD, when Bryce Beddict thinks about how Malazan soldiers are so rebellious and stubborn and are willing to go against their commanders. Don't even get me started on Mallick Rel, who, through a little writing trick called "just because," is able to infiltrate the Claw behind the scenes and lie to everyone that the Wickans and Coltaine were the bad guys all along, even though there are 30k civilians who would beg to differ. Just reverse plot armor.
The fate of Hetan and Onos T'oolan: This is probably one of the worst parts of the story. In the penultimate book, which is supposed to finish the story, half of it is spent on the Barghast who are politicking around in their clans. And we have the two former main characters (Skeleton T'oolan best character in the series) get completely lobotomized and die/get hobbled for no reason. What the hell happened to T'oolan? "My people want to go to war. I don't want to lead them to war. I'm going to kill myself and hope they don't go to war without me. Also, really hope they don't go to war without me, and I really hope they don't do anything to my wife and children." Then we have Hettan, a strong and competent warrior who forgets to do anything to save her and her children's lives because the author wanted to write the hobbling scene to shock the readers. To top it all off, instead of reflecting on what happened, all of them just die and contribute nothing. And I'm left wondering why the hell did I read all of this.
Now here's a quick list to save me from writing a whole novel:
And then the other half of the storylines that actually contribute to the plot and have interesting characters he saves for spin off novels.
Like a baby, I'm all tired out by my crying. Don't have the energy to rant anymore( though i'm sure i could think of something, and there are probably 20 complaints i forgot about). Before i end i just want to say that i actually really liked this story and some of the moments/ storylines /characters were increadible god damn does it have a lot of flaws.
submitted by VazduhTrepti to Malazan [link] [comments]
Lets just jump into it.
PHILOSOPHY.
God damn, does the author love to write it. Like 15% of each book is a random character philosophizing about a tangentially related topic. While I do enjoy philosophy (hell, one of my favorite books is God Emperor of Dune), in this series, it falls flat. When the author creates an interesting world filled with gods and ascendants, and a convergence of these deities is about to happen, I get to read pages on pages of a barbarian warrior thinking about the nature of evil/society/leaders/sandwiches. It gets old real quick, hearing an uneducated warrior talking about the Pathos of a battlefield. I'd be able to tolerate it if it had something to say instead of either being meaningless or repeating the same opinions over and over again.
PLOT ARMOR
Jesus Christ, there is a lot of it. Malazan soldiers, Karsa, Kalam, Tavore, Cutter, the one drunk Malazan soldier in particular... I'm not one to complain about a character surviving against overwhelming odds (that's what stories are for), but what I do have a problem with is when a character survives a completely unrealistic situation and then everyone else continues to praise them on how strong, smart, attractive and perfect they are (Tavore/Karsa). When Tavore does barely anything and survives purely on plot armor, and we get paragraphs and paragraphs of other characters talking about how strong she is, how she's a genius to rival Coltaine and Dassem, how good of a person she is... Like holy hell, I could write a whole book about how little I care about Tavore. (hahahha) Or when Karsa kills 2 hounds of shadow with his bare hands out of nowhere, and a whole army is hesitant to fight him. it would be tolerable if it were consistent between characters. But when in the same book we have Hellian (a normal soldier) drunkenly fight through a conquering of a whole empire and survive based on nothing, and compare it with Trull Sengar (one of the best warriors of the Tist Edur, the guy who stopped Icarium, something of High House Something) after a long and hard journey back to his home and girl, he gets stabbed by a random enemy soldier because the author wanted us to feel bad. Or when Karsa can destroy a spell binding a Jaghut using pure stupidity and later on killing hounds of light/shadow/dark left and right. And then we have Coltaine suffering through a whole continent only to die at the very end because "Muh Malazan Discipline." When most of the time characters survive crazy situations with plot armor, and when the author kills them just for the shock factor it really pulled me out of the story.
SHINY NEW CHARACTERS
When I was introduced to Malazan, I was told that it was a book for intellectuals who can remember 500 characters and how each of them contributes to the plot. In reality, we get introduced to characters we start to care about in the first two books. Then, for the next eight books, we are constantly getting some new irrelevant side stories in which the characters contribute almost nothing to the original story. These side stories could be cut out with little to no impact on the main story. Examples of these side stories include RedMask, Karsa's Travels, the Shake, The Snake, Barghast, and random POV characters that do nothing (Kid from TTH, Gruntle in the last few books). I just want to see the characters I care about. Also, for me personally, every time I start caring about a character, the author has them do nothing and introduces ten more. The author creates an incredibly rich and detailed world with gods and heroes like Icarium, Coltaine, Cotillion, Rake, Kruppa, and Karsa. However, we get half the book be about generic edgy soldier nb 40529, or fucking Crokus and Fiddler (both of them grew on me later but in the first couple of books they are just boring). I think this series would be 10 times better if it was half the length.
CHARACTER DECISIONS
Coltaine and Mallick Rel: I loved the Chain of Dogs and even like its tragic end, it's poetic. But the execution was god-awful. He reaches the gates of Aren and doesn't get help because "Muh Malazan discipline", these soldiers to not mutiny and follow a clearly corrupted commander who is blatantly influenced by the enemy. It would be fine if we didn't have ten books of Malazan soldiers disobeying orders. Even in DoD, when Bryce Beddict thinks about how Malazan soldiers are so rebellious and stubborn and are willing to go against their commanders. Don't even get me started on Mallick Rel, who, through a little writing trick called "just because," is able to infiltrate the Claw behind the scenes and lie to everyone that the Wickans and Coltaine were the bad guys all along, even though there are 30k civilians who would beg to differ. Just reverse plot armor.
The fate of Hetan and Onos T'oolan: This is probably one of the worst parts of the story. In the penultimate book, which is supposed to finish the story, half of it is spent on the Barghast who are politicking around in their clans. And we have the two former main characters (Skeleton T'oolan best character in the series) get completely lobotomized and die/get hobbled for no reason. What the hell happened to T'oolan? "My people want to go to war. I don't want to lead them to war. I'm going to kill myself and hope they don't go to war without me. Also, really hope they don't go to war without me, and I really hope they don't do anything to my wife and children." Then we have Hettan, a strong and competent warrior who forgets to do anything to save her and her children's lives because the author wanted to write the hobbling scene to shock the readers. To top it all off, instead of reflecting on what happened, all of them just die and contribute nothing. And I'm left wondering why the hell did I read all of this.
Now here's a quick list to save me from writing a whole novel:
- Why was Karsa able to knock Icarium out for no reason?
- The Pannion Domin seems like a metaphor for society that a teenager listening to "Polly" by Nirvana would think of.
- Heboric is almost interesting for three books, only to do almost nothing.
- The ending of House of Chains was an ass-pull and extremely unsatisfying.
- Why does Mallick Rel become Emperor? No one stops him? Not a single person from Aren starts to talk about what happened?
- Why is the conversation between Shadowthrone and Draconus cut?
- Toc dying three times seems silly.
- Whats the point of a master of the deck of dragons? Like we get introduced to a pretty materialistic world in which godhood is bestowed upon powerful individuals only because of their power, yet we get a guy being gifted by god to become the master of the deck.
- Why is Bottle having wet dreams?
- Udinaas is somehow extremely smart and witty, but at the same time, completely tedious to read through for 60k words.
- Why did the author have to make Kettle get raped?
- Why is Duiker resurrected?
- Bridgeburners assemble! (showing up to save the day while being dead)
- Kallor is an insufferable jerk who killed millions, but Rake and Caladan Brood just hang out with him.
- How strong are the Hounds of Shadow/Light? They are treated as unstoppable monsters in the first few books, and then we get Karsa farming them for XP in TTH.
- Tavore decides to commit suicide by desert and gets bailed out by plot armor.
- The shake storyline is completely unnecessary and i couldnt care less.
- Tattersail and Genoas Paran affair was very forced and unexpected, and later on Paran pretends she was the love his life after spending one night together.
- Janath Anar getting tortured and raped was completely unecessary to describe, especially when her memory is wiped and it does nothing later on.
- Seran Pedacs child just not doing anything?
And then the other half of the storylines that actually contribute to the plot and have interesting characters he saves for spin off novels.
Like a baby, I'm all tired out by my crying. Don't have the energy to rant anymore( though i'm sure i could think of something, and there are probably 20 complaints i forgot about). Before i end i just want to say that i actually really liked this story and some of the moments/ storylines /characters were increadible god damn does it have a lot of flaws.
2023.03.21 22:16 Stax45 Why are the Manitoba Student Aid people so snappy and rude all the time?
Everytime I have had to phone or go see the Manitoba student aid people they always talk so rudely to you. And it's not just me, it was towards everyone else too who was in line with me.
They barely want to listen to what you have to say. I get the vibe that they all hate their jobs and just want to go home. I know most people are like this in most jobs, but they don't even try to hide it.
Seriously, out of all other companies/agenices that I have had to phone, Manitoba student aid is literally the worst to deal with.
Is there any reason behind this?
Eh, I guess it is the government afterall. I work for a government agency in the summers and god forbid you are missing some pay and have to phone the pay center. Literally no one knows what is going on. I had to wait 2 years to receive some of my missing pay. Absolutely unacceptable!
submitted by Stax45 to umanitoba [link] [comments]
They barely want to listen to what you have to say. I get the vibe that they all hate their jobs and just want to go home. I know most people are like this in most jobs, but they don't even try to hide it.
Seriously, out of all other companies/agenices that I have had to phone, Manitoba student aid is literally the worst to deal with.
Is there any reason behind this?
Eh, I guess it is the government afterall. I work for a government agency in the summers and god forbid you are missing some pay and have to phone the pay center. Literally no one knows what is going on. I had to wait 2 years to receive some of my missing pay. Absolutely unacceptable!
2023.03.21 22:15 cruisingNW The Foundations of Humanity 9 (The Next Step) - an NoP fanfic
The Foundations of Humanity 9 (The Next Step) - an NoP fanfic
Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish! Thank you u/Inkanyamba for the inspiration for Professor Tarva, relevant post and comment linked with character name
First -- Previous -- Next
Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil-Human Partnership Program Participant
Date [standardized human time]: August 25th, 2136. Midday
"Ahem"
My eyes snapped open as I flung myself against the opposite wall. Somehow, that stars-cursed, silent human opened the door without either of us knowing. Paralyzed with fear, I could hear Maeve stutter through an explanation, "W-We, uh- I-It’s not-"
"Please come in." The man did not yell, but his voice rumbled through my snout and down the hall. With myself frozen in place, Maeve reached out to take my paw and guide me inside. "Have a seat, please." The man gestured to two seats in front of a wide desk.
The desk was a shared workspace; the human took his seat on the left, while a male Venlil remained seated on the right. "I'm Barry, and this is Borven," Borven flicked a welcome, "we are the liaisons for the exposure program. Do you know why we have called you here?"
Maeve spoke up while I was busy hyperventilating, "I can assume, sirs, but I would like to hear it from you, if you please," Maeve had assumed a… posture that I haven't seen from her before. She sat tall, while also making herself smaller; her eyes wide with unbreaking contact to the man at the desk. She must have been terrified.
Borven spoke up this time, "We noticed that you were one of the first pairs to leave the mess hall after news of the attack, before the incident involving ensign Baudelaire. We are wondering if you have any additional information you would like to share?"
Maeve and I sat in silence for a moment, both of us expecting a very different conversation. Finding my voice, I answered, "N-No sir. Maeve made the call to leave after the notice. I asked later, and she told me that such terrible news may cause a fight, so she brought us to safety."
"Is that right, Maeve?" Barry asked, letting his voice amplify his presence.
Maeve nodded nervously, then added, "We stopped in the hallway, and we saw a patrol going to the Mess, that's all we know."
"Do you have anyone to corroborate your account?" Barry enquired.
"No, sir. Valek and I tend to keep to ourselves, but I can give you the times we left and entered our room, and that would match with camera records." Maeve's posture relaxed. It seems this was a routine investigation of the commotion we heard as we left.
"I would appreciate that, Maeve," Barry spoke while Borven typed at their station, "you should be receiving a report template to your pad in a moment, please fill that out and submit it as soon as you can, including the times you mentioned. Besides that, you are excused; we apologize for taking your time."
"Thank you, sirs." Maeve got up to move, but I saw an opportunity,
"Maeve." I whispered, motioning for her to sit back down. Nervously, she followed, and I motioned for her to continue. "Valek and I would…" She looked to me for encouragement, so I tried a human smile, which she returned in kind, "We would like to continue the program."
The two men waited, Barry glancing between us, one eyebrow raised. Borven flicked his tail expectantly.
"Indefinitely." I added.
Barry tried to hide a smirk, but Borven was more surprised, "We could hardly keep you from continuing contact. What are you asking?"
Getting Maeve's attention, I held out my paw for hers, and she reciprocated. "I would like to host Maeve at my home on Venlil Prime, if she would join me."
Barry broke into a wide grin, behind which a mischievous cackle creaked through his teeth.
"Sun-scorched sonuva…" Borven mumbled and handed a pawful of colored steel rounds to Barry, which I later learned were poker chips.
"Don't worry Borven, you'll win one eventually." Barry jibed while adding the chips to a drawer, audibly clinking against his previous winnings. "Look, no one needs to talk about why you two want to move in together, it's none of our business. But there has been talk of a 3rd step: Integration." I perked up at that! So it is possible! "I'm going to give you the contact to the Lead Empathy Scientist on the station. They will have access to your test results and get the ball rolling." Barry finished, before handing a note to Maeve.
Borven interjected, "Valek? Are you sure you want to do this? Best case scenario, your request is approved, and now Maeve lives among strangers who fear her, on a world that exhausts her, unable to eat something her body demands. This is not an easy road! And that's totally ignoring the fact that we don't know what Maeve is capable of! You could be in real danger!"
That wasn't fair, they didn't know her! My ears back, I was about to tell them off, but Maeve squeezed my paw. She would speak for herself, "Strangers are friends yet to be made. As to the gravity, you're right there will be an adjustment period, but humans are exceptionally adaptable. As for food, I have greatly enjoyed Venlil cuisine while on the station, but if there are any nutrients I'm missing, humans have developed supplements for everything we need; technically a human could live on pills alone. I think this is worth trying, and I would be thrilled if I were the first, or the last; just as long as it happens."
My mane and scruff swelled with pride at her words; my ears swiveled to Borven, "I know exactly what Maeve is capable of. Yes, I'm sure."
Borven's body language was a combination of disappointment with a healthy dose of 'not my herd to lead' before he motioned that we were excused.
Once we were back in the corridor, we could finally breathe easy; catching each other's eye, we started giggling at the fear that brought us here, but I was glad to talk to someone about us staying together. Walking down the hall, I apologized for springing the idea of hosting on her, but Maeve was glad of my invitation, and was herself struggling to ask if I would welcome her. We both bloomed in our own way, thinking about life on the farm.
“While we are up here we should check on the lead scientist; the position is admin so it should be on this floor, too.” Maeve checked her pad and found the contact information.
Hello, my name is Maeve, Barry gave me your contact. I was wondering if we could talk about what he called the next step, Integration?
We decided to wander while we waited for a response, Maeve busying herself with the incident report. This section of the station was decidedly not of Venlil make. Hard lines and right angles made full use of every centimeter. Tough cloth ran the length of the corridor, only emphasizing the oppressive silence. Every few meters was another door, many but not all accompanied by placards. And the far distance curved to one side, hinting at the circular structure of the station. After several minutes, Maeve’s pad pinged a response.
Hello, Maeve! Barry told me about you two. We are looking for volunteers for a test program, so this is great news. I see you have already completed the Empathy test, with very good results. I would like to talk in more detail. Can you meet me in Suite 4182?
On our way.
At this point we had just passed 4082, so we were on the other half of the ring. Having finished her report, Maeve caught my eye, “I’ll race you there!” and she took off in a sprint. Finding my grip on the carpet, I bounded forward, quickly overtaking her, while we giggled at the game. I had passed 4118 before my legs started burning, and I heard pounding steps behind me. Maeve was quickly gaining on me, and I tried to push for more, but my well had run dry. My heart pounding and breath heavy, I slowed to a stop, and Maeve came to a slow trot beside me. A glowing smile from cheek to cheek.
"You look barely winded! How far can a human run??"
"Me personally? I've done a few 5k's, and had fun; that's, uh, 5 kilometers. But some humans specialize, and can run for hundreds, even low thousands of klicks, over several days."
"What!?" I exclaimed between labored breaths, "Why!?"
"That's actually a fun one! I'll tell you another time. C'mon, we can catch our breath before getting there."
With our slower pace, it took several more minutes before reaching the Lead Scientist's office, but we had thankfully caught our breath by then. Stepping inside, we were greeted by a diminutive bright white Venlil, the tip of her ears only reaching my chest, and equally small in all other respects. Her yellow eyes, bright as a sunbeam, shined through the dimly lit room.
"Hello!" She called excitedly, "I'm Professor Tarva ; no relation. You must be Valek," I flipped my ears in acknowledgement, "and Maeve!" Who returned a timid hello, "oh don't be scared! I know I'm a little more energetic than the average Venlil. Please forgive the lighting, I'm none too fond of brightness. So! What's this about Integration?"
Her office was smaller than Barry and Borven’s, but her size made it proportional, though the abundance of rolling stepstools and cushions was a notable difference. She offered us the only two chairs in front of her human-sized desk, which she nimbly climbed and occupied a cushion atop it.
Having spent no small amount of our recovery walk agonizing over how to best present our case, I spoke first. "We feel that our friendship sets a golden example for Human and Venlil relations, and I would like to host Maeve in my home on Venlil Prime."
Ears back, tail tuft wagging, Tarva didn't like that. "Ooo, a human in civilian lodging on VP? And you're from…" she shifted some papers to her side, "the Grove? Buncha farmers out there, they won't like it. Why do you think this is worth risking an incident?"
I spoke up quickly. I've had this conversation before, it was just like haggling our starberries; though I've never had to haggle for freedoms before. "Whatever risk exists, I believe it is less than the value gained by early scientific information of a Human and Venlil living together."
I had barely finished my sentence before Tarva had another flaw in my argument ready, "We already have Human and Venlil cohabitating on bases and in the Gubernatorial Complex. Why shouldn't we put you there?"
"You have humans living apart from Venlil. They don't see our culture, eat our food, talk to our people. Letting Maeve live in a real home in a real town will show us how Humans can integrate into Venlil society."
"And why would we need to integrate? Humans are weapons of war against the Arxur, nothing more, nothing less. Why would we need them on VP, especially once we win?"
I had never seen a Venlil like this before. She couldn't have predator disease, she doesn't have that… off feeling. But every moment of this -- this -- interrogation has been an attack!
But I refused to back down, this will work. "It's no secret that the Exposure program has been a glowing success. I personally know a dozen Venlil on Bleat that have every wish to continue contact. Humans will integrate with Venlil, which means we need to be prepared. Maeve and I can be the litmus test."
Tarva was clearly enjoying this, so she went for the throat, "Then why should we choose You? If the Program is such a success, we would be swimming in requests just like yours! Why should we choose You over the hypothetical Them?"
My breath caught in my throat. It hadn't occurred to me there would be so much demand for this, but she had a point. Based on what I've seen on Bleat and in the Forums, more than half of the Venlil that participated want to keep contact, and I'm sure we couldn't be the only ones to stay friends or more.
"Because," Maeve spoke up from beside me, barely a whimper, "you've already decided who your early subjects are. And Valek and I are on the short list."
Tarva squealed with undisguised glee, her tail thrashing behind her, "There she is! You've got a sharp one, Valek! How did you know?"
Maeve took a deep breath before answering, "Barry and Borven already knew about… us; they made a wager based on what we said. It sounded like they were betting who invited who, and Valek was the one who asked to host me. I'm betting you have a long list of Venlil wanting to serve with human soldiers, and a shorter list of Venlil going to earth. But those Venlil were invited by their Human partner. If there is a list of a Venlil inviting a Human to Venlil Prime, I think we are the only name." By now Maeve was leaning on the armrest of her chair, this exchange clearly exhausted her.
"The only name invited to a rural town. We actually have a healthy pawful that would live in the larger cities, with larger off-world populations, but you're the only ones in such a small town. There will be conditions, of course, and the locals will not be kind. Are you sure you wanna do this?"
I looked at Maeve. She was so tired, but she still looked at me with all the love her eyes could carry, and I could feel myself blooming under the weight of it. We nodded together, then answered "Yes." as one.
"Fantastic!" Tarva declared with the same unbridled enthusiasm she has held for this entire meeting. "You're on the next resupply back to VP. Shouldn't be more than a couple sleeps. Hope you enjoyed the station, cuz you're going home!"
‐‐‐
On our return back to the room, Maeve fell forward onto the bottom bunk with an exhausted sigh, all of her energy sucked out by the surprise interrogation. Believing she needed comfort, I sat next to her on the bed and, remembering she mentioned back pain being common among humans, brushed my paw between her shoulders. My remembrance was rewarded by a contented hum I could feel reverberating through her ribcage.
Maeve rolled over beneath my hand, taking it in hers. She held my paw close to herself, pressing the pads and moving the fingers. I winced when she encouraged a claw from its sheath, at which she quickly loosened her grip. After seeing I did not pull away, she pulled my paw to her face and pressed her lips against the offending claw. The predatory action caused my ears to flutter, whether from fear or not I couldn't tell.
She played with my hand idly, before asking, "How do Venlil… show affection?"
After thinking for a moment, I answered, "Our tails do most of the talking, but where no words exist, they tend to find each other. We also enjoy grooming each other," taking her hand in my paw, I ran the tip of my tongue over the top of her hand, "And many times nuzzling," placing that same hand to my snout, and continued, "is seen as very intimate."
Her free hand brought my other paw up to her face, and she rested her cheek against it. She gently brushed my snout, before following my jaw and drifting down my neck, winding her fingers through my wool, then stroking the skin hot with passion beneath. "Humans," she croaked, as if not ready to speak. Clearing her throat, she began again, "Humans like to use parts of our bodies that are sensitive, like our hands, but also our lips, and…" She took my paw in hers and I felt a soft wetness on my center pad, sending another shiver through me, "We tend to bathe ourselves in the sensation of our lover; touch, sight, scent, and even taste. And… I'm worried that most of it will be frightening to you."
I moved to lie with her, supporting myself on my elbow. Taking her hand in my paw, I spoke gently, "Maeve… you constantly surprise me, in the most wonderful ways, and I am always excited to be surprised by you. But I won't fear you. You've taught me that what we are, is what we choose; not what we feel. And even if I feel the need to run, I will choose to come back to you. Every time."
Maeve reached out to me, and I to her, and we entangled ourselves in each other. I could feel my bloom deepening as she pressed her lips to my velvet, and I could see her color rising as my paw traced her side.
"And what do your senses tell you, Maeve?"
Licking her lips, she whispered, "I can see you're enjoying this as much as I am. I can feel your softness, and warmth. I can hear your heart along with mine. I can smell your excitement, as thick as stew. And taste…" she inhaled sharply, pressing her forehead against my crown, as her hands moved to my waist, "I'm excited to find out."
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submitted by cruisingNW to HFY [link] [comments]
Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish! Thank you u/Inkanyamba for the inspiration for Professor Tarva, relevant post and comment linked with character name
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Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil-Human Partnership Program Participant
Date [standardized human time]: August 25th, 2136. Midday
"Ahem"
My eyes snapped open as I flung myself against the opposite wall. Somehow, that stars-cursed, silent human opened the door without either of us knowing. Paralyzed with fear, I could hear Maeve stutter through an explanation, "W-We, uh- I-It’s not-"
"Please come in." The man did not yell, but his voice rumbled through my snout and down the hall. With myself frozen in place, Maeve reached out to take my paw and guide me inside. "Have a seat, please." The man gestured to two seats in front of a wide desk.
The desk was a shared workspace; the human took his seat on the left, while a male Venlil remained seated on the right. "I'm Barry, and this is Borven," Borven flicked a welcome, "we are the liaisons for the exposure program. Do you know why we have called you here?"
Maeve spoke up while I was busy hyperventilating, "I can assume, sirs, but I would like to hear it from you, if you please," Maeve had assumed a… posture that I haven't seen from her before. She sat tall, while also making herself smaller; her eyes wide with unbreaking contact to the man at the desk. She must have been terrified.
Borven spoke up this time, "We noticed that you were one of the first pairs to leave the mess hall after news of the attack, before the incident involving ensign Baudelaire. We are wondering if you have any additional information you would like to share?"
Maeve and I sat in silence for a moment, both of us expecting a very different conversation. Finding my voice, I answered, "N-No sir. Maeve made the call to leave after the notice. I asked later, and she told me that such terrible news may cause a fight, so she brought us to safety."
"Is that right, Maeve?" Barry asked, letting his voice amplify his presence.
Maeve nodded nervously, then added, "We stopped in the hallway, and we saw a patrol going to the Mess, that's all we know."
"Do you have anyone to corroborate your account?" Barry enquired.
"No, sir. Valek and I tend to keep to ourselves, but I can give you the times we left and entered our room, and that would match with camera records." Maeve's posture relaxed. It seems this was a routine investigation of the commotion we heard as we left.
"I would appreciate that, Maeve," Barry spoke while Borven typed at their station, "you should be receiving a report template to your pad in a moment, please fill that out and submit it as soon as you can, including the times you mentioned. Besides that, you are excused; we apologize for taking your time."
"Thank you, sirs." Maeve got up to move, but I saw an opportunity,
"Maeve." I whispered, motioning for her to sit back down. Nervously, she followed, and I motioned for her to continue. "Valek and I would…" She looked to me for encouragement, so I tried a human smile, which she returned in kind, "We would like to continue the program."
The two men waited, Barry glancing between us, one eyebrow raised. Borven flicked his tail expectantly.
"Indefinitely." I added.
Barry tried to hide a smirk, but Borven was more surprised, "We could hardly keep you from continuing contact. What are you asking?"
Getting Maeve's attention, I held out my paw for hers, and she reciprocated. "I would like to host Maeve at my home on Venlil Prime, if she would join me."
Barry broke into a wide grin, behind which a mischievous cackle creaked through his teeth.
"Sun-scorched sonuva…" Borven mumbled and handed a pawful of colored steel rounds to Barry, which I later learned were poker chips.
"Don't worry Borven, you'll win one eventually." Barry jibed while adding the chips to a drawer, audibly clinking against his previous winnings. "Look, no one needs to talk about why you two want to move in together, it's none of our business. But there has been talk of a 3rd step: Integration." I perked up at that! So it is possible! "I'm going to give you the contact to the Lead Empathy Scientist on the station. They will have access to your test results and get the ball rolling." Barry finished, before handing a note to Maeve.
Borven interjected, "Valek? Are you sure you want to do this? Best case scenario, your request is approved, and now Maeve lives among strangers who fear her, on a world that exhausts her, unable to eat something her body demands. This is not an easy road! And that's totally ignoring the fact that we don't know what Maeve is capable of! You could be in real danger!"
That wasn't fair, they didn't know her! My ears back, I was about to tell them off, but Maeve squeezed my paw. She would speak for herself, "Strangers are friends yet to be made. As to the gravity, you're right there will be an adjustment period, but humans are exceptionally adaptable. As for food, I have greatly enjoyed Venlil cuisine while on the station, but if there are any nutrients I'm missing, humans have developed supplements for everything we need; technically a human could live on pills alone. I think this is worth trying, and I would be thrilled if I were the first, or the last; just as long as it happens."
My mane and scruff swelled with pride at her words; my ears swiveled to Borven, "I know exactly what Maeve is capable of. Yes, I'm sure."
Borven's body language was a combination of disappointment with a healthy dose of 'not my herd to lead' before he motioned that we were excused.
Once we were back in the corridor, we could finally breathe easy; catching each other's eye, we started giggling at the fear that brought us here, but I was glad to talk to someone about us staying together. Walking down the hall, I apologized for springing the idea of hosting on her, but Maeve was glad of my invitation, and was herself struggling to ask if I would welcome her. We both bloomed in our own way, thinking about life on the farm.
“While we are up here we should check on the lead scientist; the position is admin so it should be on this floor, too.” Maeve checked her pad and found the contact information.
Hello, my name is Maeve, Barry gave me your contact. I was wondering if we could talk about what he called the next step, Integration?
We decided to wander while we waited for a response, Maeve busying herself with the incident report. This section of the station was decidedly not of Venlil make. Hard lines and right angles made full use of every centimeter. Tough cloth ran the length of the corridor, only emphasizing the oppressive silence. Every few meters was another door, many but not all accompanied by placards. And the far distance curved to one side, hinting at the circular structure of the station. After several minutes, Maeve’s pad pinged a response.
Hello, Maeve! Barry told me about you two. We are looking for volunteers for a test program, so this is great news. I see you have already completed the Empathy test, with very good results. I would like to talk in more detail. Can you meet me in Suite 4182?
On our way.
At this point we had just passed 4082, so we were on the other half of the ring. Having finished her report, Maeve caught my eye, “I’ll race you there!” and she took off in a sprint. Finding my grip on the carpet, I bounded forward, quickly overtaking her, while we giggled at the game. I had passed 4118 before my legs started burning, and I heard pounding steps behind me. Maeve was quickly gaining on me, and I tried to push for more, but my well had run dry. My heart pounding and breath heavy, I slowed to a stop, and Maeve came to a slow trot beside me. A glowing smile from cheek to cheek.
"You look barely winded! How far can a human run??"
"Me personally? I've done a few 5k's, and had fun; that's, uh, 5 kilometers. But some humans specialize, and can run for hundreds, even low thousands of klicks, over several days."
"What!?" I exclaimed between labored breaths, "Why!?"
"That's actually a fun one! I'll tell you another time. C'mon, we can catch our breath before getting there."
With our slower pace, it took several more minutes before reaching the Lead Scientist's office, but we had thankfully caught our breath by then. Stepping inside, we were greeted by a diminutive bright white Venlil, the tip of her ears only reaching my chest, and equally small in all other respects. Her yellow eyes, bright as a sunbeam, shined through the dimly lit room.
"Hello!" She called excitedly, "I'm Professor Tarva ; no relation. You must be Valek," I flipped my ears in acknowledgement, "and Maeve!" Who returned a timid hello, "oh don't be scared! I know I'm a little more energetic than the average Venlil. Please forgive the lighting, I'm none too fond of brightness. So! What's this about Integration?"
Her office was smaller than Barry and Borven’s, but her size made it proportional, though the abundance of rolling stepstools and cushions was a notable difference. She offered us the only two chairs in front of her human-sized desk, which she nimbly climbed and occupied a cushion atop it.
Having spent no small amount of our recovery walk agonizing over how to best present our case, I spoke first. "We feel that our friendship sets a golden example for Human and Venlil relations, and I would like to host Maeve in my home on Venlil Prime."
Ears back, tail tuft wagging, Tarva didn't like that. "Ooo, a human in civilian lodging on VP? And you're from…" she shifted some papers to her side, "the Grove? Buncha farmers out there, they won't like it. Why do you think this is worth risking an incident?"
I spoke up quickly. I've had this conversation before, it was just like haggling our starberries; though I've never had to haggle for freedoms before. "Whatever risk exists, I believe it is less than the value gained by early scientific information of a Human and Venlil living together."
I had barely finished my sentence before Tarva had another flaw in my argument ready, "We already have Human and Venlil cohabitating on bases and in the Gubernatorial Complex. Why shouldn't we put you there?"
"You have humans living apart from Venlil. They don't see our culture, eat our food, talk to our people. Letting Maeve live in a real home in a real town will show us how Humans can integrate into Venlil society."
"And why would we need to integrate? Humans are weapons of war against the Arxur, nothing more, nothing less. Why would we need them on VP, especially once we win?"
I had never seen a Venlil like this before. She couldn't have predator disease, she doesn't have that… off feeling. But every moment of this -- this -- interrogation has been an attack!
But I refused to back down, this will work. "It's no secret that the Exposure program has been a glowing success. I personally know a dozen Venlil on Bleat that have every wish to continue contact. Humans will integrate with Venlil, which means we need to be prepared. Maeve and I can be the litmus test."
Tarva was clearly enjoying this, so she went for the throat, "Then why should we choose You? If the Program is such a success, we would be swimming in requests just like yours! Why should we choose You over the hypothetical Them?"
My breath caught in my throat. It hadn't occurred to me there would be so much demand for this, but she had a point. Based on what I've seen on Bleat and in the Forums, more than half of the Venlil that participated want to keep contact, and I'm sure we couldn't be the only ones to stay friends or more.
"Because," Maeve spoke up from beside me, barely a whimper, "you've already decided who your early subjects are. And Valek and I are on the short list."
Tarva squealed with undisguised glee, her tail thrashing behind her, "There she is! You've got a sharp one, Valek! How did you know?"
Maeve took a deep breath before answering, "Barry and Borven already knew about… us; they made a wager based on what we said. It sounded like they were betting who invited who, and Valek was the one who asked to host me. I'm betting you have a long list of Venlil wanting to serve with human soldiers, and a shorter list of Venlil going to earth. But those Venlil were invited by their Human partner. If there is a list of a Venlil inviting a Human to Venlil Prime, I think we are the only name." By now Maeve was leaning on the armrest of her chair, this exchange clearly exhausted her.
"The only name invited to a rural town. We actually have a healthy pawful that would live in the larger cities, with larger off-world populations, but you're the only ones in such a small town. There will be conditions, of course, and the locals will not be kind. Are you sure you wanna do this?"
I looked at Maeve. She was so tired, but she still looked at me with all the love her eyes could carry, and I could feel myself blooming under the weight of it. We nodded together, then answered "Yes." as one.
"Fantastic!" Tarva declared with the same unbridled enthusiasm she has held for this entire meeting. "You're on the next resupply back to VP. Shouldn't be more than a couple sleeps. Hope you enjoyed the station, cuz you're going home!"
‐‐‐
On our return back to the room, Maeve fell forward onto the bottom bunk with an exhausted sigh, all of her energy sucked out by the surprise interrogation. Believing she needed comfort, I sat next to her on the bed and, remembering she mentioned back pain being common among humans, brushed my paw between her shoulders. My remembrance was rewarded by a contented hum I could feel reverberating through her ribcage.
Maeve rolled over beneath my hand, taking it in hers. She held my paw close to herself, pressing the pads and moving the fingers. I winced when she encouraged a claw from its sheath, at which she quickly loosened her grip. After seeing I did not pull away, she pulled my paw to her face and pressed her lips against the offending claw. The predatory action caused my ears to flutter, whether from fear or not I couldn't tell.
She played with my hand idly, before asking, "How do Venlil… show affection?"
After thinking for a moment, I answered, "Our tails do most of the talking, but where no words exist, they tend to find each other. We also enjoy grooming each other," taking her hand in my paw, I ran the tip of my tongue over the top of her hand, "And many times nuzzling," placing that same hand to my snout, and continued, "is seen as very intimate."
Her free hand brought my other paw up to her face, and she rested her cheek against it. She gently brushed my snout, before following my jaw and drifting down my neck, winding her fingers through my wool, then stroking the skin hot with passion beneath. "Humans," she croaked, as if not ready to speak. Clearing her throat, she began again, "Humans like to use parts of our bodies that are sensitive, like our hands, but also our lips, and…" She took my paw in hers and I felt a soft wetness on my center pad, sending another shiver through me, "We tend to bathe ourselves in the sensation of our lover; touch, sight, scent, and even taste. And… I'm worried that most of it will be frightening to you."
I moved to lie with her, supporting myself on my elbow. Taking her hand in my paw, I spoke gently, "Maeve… you constantly surprise me, in the most wonderful ways, and I am always excited to be surprised by you. But I won't fear you. You've taught me that what we are, is what we choose; not what we feel. And even if I feel the need to run, I will choose to come back to you. Every time."
Maeve reached out to me, and I to her, and we entangled ourselves in each other. I could feel my bloom deepening as she pressed her lips to my velvet, and I could see her color rising as my paw traced her side.
"And what do your senses tell you, Maeve?"
Licking her lips, she whispered, "I can see you're enjoying this as much as I am. I can feel your softness, and warmth. I can hear your heart along with mine. I can smell your excitement, as thick as stew. And taste…" she inhaled sharply, pressing her forehead against my crown, as her hands moved to my waist, "I'm excited to find out."
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2023.03.21 22:09 FNwastaken [help] detect and hide objects with raycast
![[help] detect and hide objects with raycast](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/rh9v8MYGWp_OR3iPzGynD-c6iPiJDQfa360vCaFIKos.jpg "[help] detect and hide objects with raycast") | submitted by FNwastaken to godot [link] [comments] Here is how I have my raycast setup on the player. what I'm trying to achieve: when the blue player goes behind this wall, the top half would be detected by the racast and then hidden. Once the player has left that area, the wall would become visible again. #hide objects between camera if $objectRaycast.is_colliding(): print("1") else: print("0") I setup a simple 1 and 0 to check when my raycast is detecting and object. However, I'm struggling to hide the object that the raycast is hitting.Here is the hierarchy for my wall that needs to be hidden. Its an imported FBX, and a child of a spatial node. the section that needs to be hidden is \"Box003\". |
2023.03.21 22:09 StunningGain Subject 118
My name is Henry Jacobs, and I once worked for the government. The things I saw, the things I did... I don't even know where to begin. Years have passed since I left that wretched place, but the haunting memories still plague me.
I was under the impression that I was a low-level technician at a top-secret facility, clandestinely situated deep within the Appalachian Mountains. We were never informed about the facility's purpose, but we were given strict instructions and explicitly forbidden from asking questions.
The first incident that made me doubt my role was when I accidentally discovered a concealed room behind a deceptive wall. Inside, I was met with rows upon rows of glass tanks, filled with a nauseating green liquid. Suspended in those tanks were the most grotesque creatures I had ever laid eyes upon, their bodies disfigured and twisted, with limbs contorted at unnatural angles.
I was petrified by what I saw, but I couldn't muster the courage to confide in anyone. The fear of losing my job and potentially being silenced by those in power consumed me. So I remained silent and continued to work, day after monotonous day.
It wasn't until the facility went into an unexpected lockdown that I genuinely comprehended the gravity of my discovery. We were trapped inside, unable to communicate with the outside world. The once sterile halls were now filled with the anguished screams of my colleagues, as the nightmarish creatures escaped their glass prisons and hunted us down one by one.
Through some twist of fate, I was among the fortunate ones. I found an escape route, crawling through the suffocating air ducts as I tried to block out the sounds of death and destruction that relentlessly pursued me. When I finally emerged into the cold, unforgiving night, I knew that I couldn't remain silent any longer. I had to unveil the truth and reveal to the world the horrors that the government was concealing.
With that conviction, I went on the run, determined to share my harrowing tale. I gave interviews, penned articles, and recounted my story to anyone who would lend an ear. The government, unsurprisingly, denied everything, and I was soon labeled a lunatic and a traitor. I lost everything I held dear - my job, my reputation, and even my family.
Then, one day, the nightmares ceased. The memories of the facility and the abominations within began to fade, as if they were being meticulously erased from my mind. It was as if a veil had been lifted, and I could suddenly perceive the world for what it truly was.
I was left with nothing but the bitter knowledge that I had been manipulated, a pawn in a game I couldn't even fathom. The more my reality unraveled, the more I realized I wasn't in my home, I never had a home or a family. Stark-white walls encircled me. It dawned on me that I may have never actually worked for the government. The memories, the facility, the horrors...
I am a victim, I am a subject...
submitted by StunningGain to u/StunningGain [link] [comments]
I was under the impression that I was a low-level technician at a top-secret facility, clandestinely situated deep within the Appalachian Mountains. We were never informed about the facility's purpose, but we were given strict instructions and explicitly forbidden from asking questions.
The first incident that made me doubt my role was when I accidentally discovered a concealed room behind a deceptive wall. Inside, I was met with rows upon rows of glass tanks, filled with a nauseating green liquid. Suspended in those tanks were the most grotesque creatures I had ever laid eyes upon, their bodies disfigured and twisted, with limbs contorted at unnatural angles.
I was petrified by what I saw, but I couldn't muster the courage to confide in anyone. The fear of losing my job and potentially being silenced by those in power consumed me. So I remained silent and continued to work, day after monotonous day.
It wasn't until the facility went into an unexpected lockdown that I genuinely comprehended the gravity of my discovery. We were trapped inside, unable to communicate with the outside world. The once sterile halls were now filled with the anguished screams of my colleagues, as the nightmarish creatures escaped their glass prisons and hunted us down one by one.
Through some twist of fate, I was among the fortunate ones. I found an escape route, crawling through the suffocating air ducts as I tried to block out the sounds of death and destruction that relentlessly pursued me. When I finally emerged into the cold, unforgiving night, I knew that I couldn't remain silent any longer. I had to unveil the truth and reveal to the world the horrors that the government was concealing.
With that conviction, I went on the run, determined to share my harrowing tale. I gave interviews, penned articles, and recounted my story to anyone who would lend an ear. The government, unsurprisingly, denied everything, and I was soon labeled a lunatic and a traitor. I lost everything I held dear - my job, my reputation, and even my family.
Then, one day, the nightmares ceased. The memories of the facility and the abominations within began to fade, as if they were being meticulously erased from my mind. It was as if a veil had been lifted, and I could suddenly perceive the world for what it truly was.
I was left with nothing but the bitter knowledge that I had been manipulated, a pawn in a game I couldn't even fathom. The more my reality unraveled, the more I realized I wasn't in my home, I never had a home or a family. Stark-white walls encircled me. It dawned on me that I may have never actually worked for the government. The memories, the facility, the horrors...
I am a victim, I am a subject...
2023.03.21 22:07 Glad-Canary8889 AITA for "abandoning" my girlfriend during an argument with my parents and letting her leave without me?
My (26m) parents both are involved in the political world. A lot of their friends work in that field and their own jobs are what I would call politically adjacent. I was brought up to follow a similar path until around 14 when I told my parents that I had no interest in that world at all. They, surprisingly, accepted this. I play nice at the parties my mom asks me to attend for her and make my rounds talking about the economy and policy changes, then I leave that side of my life behind.
All of this is to say, we don't typically talk politics when I go home for simple visits. My parents are free to talk about it in front of me, but they know I don't usually contribute anything. When my girlfriend and I drove up for a weekend stay with them, I didn't foresee any issues. This was her second time meeting them and our first time staying with them for any extended period of time other than talking over dinner. Prior to introducing them, I warned my girlfriend that the conversation might go in that direction and that she wasn't required to jump in to say something if she didn't want to. My warnings weren't necessary because nothing happened that time.
Last Saturday, however, our second night at my parent's home, things took a turn. It was my parents, myself and my girlfriend, and long time family friends of ours there, including one of my best friends. I was out of the room getting a drink when I heard raised voices and my friend joined me in the kitchen to tell me that my girlfriend had gone off the rails.
For context, I would describe my parents are socially liberal and fiscally conservative. I came out as bisexual years ago and never had any pushback. Their worst offense is being ignorant, but they actively work to educate themselves and eagerly donate to minority centric charities. I don't engage with them politically just because it doesn't interest me, not because I'm offended by what they say, so this all came out of left field. My friend said he hadn't caught the comment that started everything, and I didn't want to go in and involve myself.
My girlfriend joined us in the kitchen around 10 minutes later and told me I had ruined her night by "abandoning her by hiding out in the kitchen with a snob" and not backing her up. I told her she was being rude, and that I had no interest in arguing politics, especially if it didn't have to do with a social issue, and that her fights were not mine. When I asked her what had started it all, she ignored me. She ended up getting an Uber home the next morning while I stayed for the day.
AITA?
Edit: The comment that set her off is unknown to me, but I know the topic was surrounding raising taxes based on income level.
submitted by Glad-Canary8889 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
All of this is to say, we don't typically talk politics when I go home for simple visits. My parents are free to talk about it in front of me, but they know I don't usually contribute anything. When my girlfriend and I drove up for a weekend stay with them, I didn't foresee any issues. This was her second time meeting them and our first time staying with them for any extended period of time other than talking over dinner. Prior to introducing them, I warned my girlfriend that the conversation might go in that direction and that she wasn't required to jump in to say something if she didn't want to. My warnings weren't necessary because nothing happened that time.
Last Saturday, however, our second night at my parent's home, things took a turn. It was my parents, myself and my girlfriend, and long time family friends of ours there, including one of my best friends. I was out of the room getting a drink when I heard raised voices and my friend joined me in the kitchen to tell me that my girlfriend had gone off the rails.
For context, I would describe my parents are socially liberal and fiscally conservative. I came out as bisexual years ago and never had any pushback. Their worst offense is being ignorant, but they actively work to educate themselves and eagerly donate to minority centric charities. I don't engage with them politically just because it doesn't interest me, not because I'm offended by what they say, so this all came out of left field. My friend said he hadn't caught the comment that started everything, and I didn't want to go in and involve myself.
My girlfriend joined us in the kitchen around 10 minutes later and told me I had ruined her night by "abandoning her by hiding out in the kitchen with a snob" and not backing her up. I told her she was being rude, and that I had no interest in arguing politics, especially if it didn't have to do with a social issue, and that her fights were not mine. When I asked her what had started it all, she ignored me. She ended up getting an Uber home the next morning while I stayed for the day.
AITA?
Edit: The comment that set her off is unknown to me, but I know the topic was surrounding raising taxes based on income level.
2023.03.21 22:04 JeromeFault Kings are the most slept-on team in the league, and they’re going to the SCF this year.
The trade deadline solidified what fans already knew: the Eastern Conference’s post season is going to be an absolute bloodbath. With teams like New Jersey, Toronto, and New York being on the receiving end of this year’s blockbuster trades, coupled with Boston’s dominant season and Tampa’s reigning dynasty, it makes sense that all of the attention from fans & media would point Eastward.
And yet, a team from the West must make a Stanley Cup Final appearance.
Edmonton and Vegas are the most talked about teams, for good reason; there’s no need to harp on McDavid’s dominant season, or the Golden Knights’ desperate attempts for a second finals appearance in what seems to be a perpetual “twilight phase” of their competitive window, but in my opinion, these teams will fall short.
I attended two Kings games last week: the SO loss against Nashville, and the decisive, 5 goal win over the Islanders. It was after the latter that I turned to my friend and said, “Call me crazy, but the Kings are going to the Stanley Cup.” The next day, I checked to see if the numbers supported the eye-test.
Quietly sitting in the top 10 of the league, currently oscillating between 6th and 7th overall among all teams, no team in the West has been better than the Kings since January 1st, 2023, sitting at 4th overall in that time period behind Boston, NYR, and New Jersey. Also, since the beginning of the season, no team in the Pacific has a better inter-divisionary record than the Kings, who are 11-4-3. They’re 2-0-0 against Edmonton and 2-1-0 against Vegas, mind you, the favored teams to emerge from the conference.
Also noteworthy that their PP is 6th in the league, which pairs conveniently with the 238 penalties they’ve drawn this year - good enough for 5th most in the league. And when you watch them play, you can see why; LA is a pesky team. Tight-checking. Full-tilt effort at all ends of the ice. Chemistry. Speed. Grit. Eerily similar to the identity of the LA teams that won the cup a decade ago, only with a touch more of offensive prowess.
But most importantly, even though the Kings have their dose of star power, it’s their effort and execution as a team that makes them so formidable, and that’s the kind of thing you only begin to truly understand when you watch them play together.
Finally, before you disregard this as homerism, I’m actually a Sharks fan (sorry, twist!). I’ve lived in LA for 13 years though, so the Crypto Arena is where I go to watch the sport - and after over a decade of going to Kings games, this year, I can safely say they look better than any year since they went all the way. Just thought I’d drop in and let you know that, even as a Sharks fan, you’ve got one hell of a team, and they deserve some recognition from the rest of the league.
(Here’s hoping this doesn’t age poorly).
submitted by JeromeFault to losangeleskings [link] [comments]
And yet, a team from the West must make a Stanley Cup Final appearance.
Edmonton and Vegas are the most talked about teams, for good reason; there’s no need to harp on McDavid’s dominant season, or the Golden Knights’ desperate attempts for a second finals appearance in what seems to be a perpetual “twilight phase” of their competitive window, but in my opinion, these teams will fall short.
I attended two Kings games last week: the SO loss against Nashville, and the decisive, 5 goal win over the Islanders. It was after the latter that I turned to my friend and said, “Call me crazy, but the Kings are going to the Stanley Cup.” The next day, I checked to see if the numbers supported the eye-test.
Quietly sitting in the top 10 of the league, currently oscillating between 6th and 7th overall among all teams, no team in the West has been better than the Kings since January 1st, 2023, sitting at 4th overall in that time period behind Boston, NYR, and New Jersey. Also, since the beginning of the season, no team in the Pacific has a better inter-divisionary record than the Kings, who are 11-4-3. They’re 2-0-0 against Edmonton and 2-1-0 against Vegas, mind you, the favored teams to emerge from the conference.
Also noteworthy that their PP is 6th in the league, which pairs conveniently with the 238 penalties they’ve drawn this year - good enough for 5th most in the league. And when you watch them play, you can see why; LA is a pesky team. Tight-checking. Full-tilt effort at all ends of the ice. Chemistry. Speed. Grit. Eerily similar to the identity of the LA teams that won the cup a decade ago, only with a touch more of offensive prowess.
But most importantly, even though the Kings have their dose of star power, it’s their effort and execution as a team that makes them so formidable, and that’s the kind of thing you only begin to truly understand when you watch them play together.
Finally, before you disregard this as homerism, I’m actually a Sharks fan (sorry, twist!). I’ve lived in LA for 13 years though, so the Crypto Arena is where I go to watch the sport - and after over a decade of going to Kings games, this year, I can safely say they look better than any year since they went all the way. Just thought I’d drop in and let you know that, even as a Sharks fan, you’ve got one hell of a team, and they deserve some recognition from the rest of the league.
(Here’s hoping this doesn’t age poorly).
2023.03.21 22:02 myspacequeen FMLA for mental health
Has anyone here taken FMLA for mental health reasons? I really feel like my heart is telling me that’s what would be best for me, because for the past month+ I’ve cried in front of my students almost every day. I can’t even explain why. I had a panic attack in front of my students on Thursday and that’s the third time I’ve had a panic attack at work. But I’m worried that going on leave will just make things worse and more stressful when I return if I do take off… they’ll be behind in instruction, who knows about how grades will be determined, and I know the kids will be out of control because even when I’m gone for just one day they fall apart. So I guess my question is for those who have taken FMLA for mental health reasons… did it make coming back more stressful? I know I should put myself first but I can’t stop going back and forth on this decision.
submitted by myspacequeen to Teachers [link] [comments]
2023.03.21 22:02 MediumTitle JNmom in hospital
Long time lurker, No permission to use anywhere on the internet other than here. Apologies for spelling etc, I'm frustrated and annoyed.
So you might pick up from a couple of my comments my mother wasn't the exact beacon of moderately good motherhood. I actually went NC with her 8-10 years ago when she split from her then partner. They had been a massive alcoholic with periods of dry for 16 years at that point, plus stealing her partners medications and possibly trying every recreational out there. Also possibly sleeping round at least 2 towns (I've had creeps thinking I'm her asking if Id come for a "good night" creeped me the f out). She also accused me of cheating on my now ex by hiding and sleeping with her partner when he ran away as he couldn't deal with her behaviour anymore.
Enmeshed with my eldest son (I was young and I wish this sub was around back then), she actively encouraged my youngest to get bullied by using her own nick name for them Infront of kids.
Put bluntly, the physiological and psychological damage she has done running rampant over feelings, wishes, boundaries "because I'm Nanna" has taken its toll on both myself and my youngest (21 NB AFAB). We moved 180 miles north 6 years ago to get away from it. I even paid to have my youngest's deed poll to remove some of the emotional pressure.
2 weeks ago my maternal family..... kind of imploded. My mother is one of 6, and my Nan is now in her 90's. 2 weeks ago nan had a fall, ended up in hospital. Then ended up living with my next eldest cousin L as no one was able to care for her. My moms sister J died from a combo of big C's (Cancer and Covid). One of my uncles has suddenly decided after 2 weeks to rear his head, not to "help" but try get hands on my aunts estate. Mums ended up in hospital, but with numeral problems probably bought on by her long term abuses (apparently she's been clean for 6 years, but I've heard that soooo many times I just don't know)
I'm 180 miles away, no disabled and unable to walk, and Mum has apparently got dementia comming on. Bit of a pain as she controls my dead aunts estate but I digress. All this crap going on you can guess the flying monkeys have been rearing their heads. I should patch it up with her apparently. Same people called me a horrible daughter for going NC. My brother even thought it was a good idea to try guilt trip me to come down for the funeral and see my Nan (I've face timed her, L and her Mum are JY)
Im left with the possibility in order to get my Aunt and Uncles organised for the shitstorm about to hit I may have to reconnect with my mother again. Im not sure I want to. Im sure the dementia will be a excuse for me to be forced to forgive her for all the crap shes done. I just dont know. Kinda looking for advice on how to go forward at this point because I know I will have the support of my current partner regardless of my decision.
One thing is clear though, I wont be going down there physically as its totally impractical.
submitted by MediumTitle to JNMIL [link] [comments]
So you might pick up from a couple of my comments my mother wasn't the exact beacon of moderately good motherhood. I actually went NC with her 8-10 years ago when she split from her then partner. They had been a massive alcoholic with periods of dry for 16 years at that point, plus stealing her partners medications and possibly trying every recreational out there. Also possibly sleeping round at least 2 towns (I've had creeps thinking I'm her asking if Id come for a "good night" creeped me the f out). She also accused me of cheating on my now ex by hiding and sleeping with her partner when he ran away as he couldn't deal with her behaviour anymore.
Enmeshed with my eldest son (I was young and I wish this sub was around back then), she actively encouraged my youngest to get bullied by using her own nick name for them Infront of kids.
Put bluntly, the physiological and psychological damage she has done running rampant over feelings, wishes, boundaries "because I'm Nanna" has taken its toll on both myself and my youngest (21 NB AFAB). We moved 180 miles north 6 years ago to get away from it. I even paid to have my youngest's deed poll to remove some of the emotional pressure.
2 weeks ago my maternal family..... kind of imploded. My mother is one of 6, and my Nan is now in her 90's. 2 weeks ago nan had a fall, ended up in hospital. Then ended up living with my next eldest cousin L as no one was able to care for her. My moms sister J died from a combo of big C's (Cancer and Covid). One of my uncles has suddenly decided after 2 weeks to rear his head, not to "help" but try get hands on my aunts estate. Mums ended up in hospital, but with numeral problems probably bought on by her long term abuses (apparently she's been clean for 6 years, but I've heard that soooo many times I just don't know)
I'm 180 miles away, no disabled and unable to walk, and Mum has apparently got dementia comming on. Bit of a pain as she controls my dead aunts estate but I digress. All this crap going on you can guess the flying monkeys have been rearing their heads. I should patch it up with her apparently. Same people called me a horrible daughter for going NC. My brother even thought it was a good idea to try guilt trip me to come down for the funeral and see my Nan (I've face timed her, L and her Mum are JY)
Im left with the possibility in order to get my Aunt and Uncles organised for the shitstorm about to hit I may have to reconnect with my mother again. Im not sure I want to. Im sure the dementia will be a excuse for me to be forced to forgive her for all the crap shes done. I just dont know. Kinda looking for advice on how to go forward at this point because I know I will have the support of my current partner regardless of my decision.
One thing is clear though, I wont be going down there physically as its totally impractical.