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LifeMed Alaska LLC	Ground EMT (All Levels) $3500 Retention Bonus	Eagle River
LifeMed Alaska LLC	Emergency Medical Technician (EMT)	Fairbanks
LifeMed Alaska LLC	Ground EMT (All Levels) $3500 Retention Bonus	Fort Wainwright
Quality Correctional Care	Emergency Medical Technician (EMT)	Greenfield
Quality Correctional Care	Emergency Medical Technician (EMT)	Knightstown
Santa Fe Recovery Center	Emergency Medical Technician (EMT)	Gallup
Campbell County Health	EMT Paramedic	Newcastle
Campbell County Health	EMT EMT A PARAMEDIC Newcastle, WY	Newcastle
Campbell County Health	Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) - Paramedic	Newcastle
Campbell County Health	EMT EMT A PARAMEDIC Newcastle, WY	Upton
Dignified Hope Care Inc.	CaregiveCare Specialist EMT, CNA, or MA	San Luis Obispo

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in . Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Here is the most important information, and related articles, from this article.
Published on 2023-05-30 at 06:58, this article is written by nectar gan and wayne chang and published by cnn. (7 minutes)
Save 7 minutes of reading with this summary:

Thousands of ethnic minority Muslims surrounded a mosque in southwestern China over the weekend in a last-ditch effort to prevent what they said was an attempt by authorities to remove its dome and minarets, as a crackdown on religious freedoms widens. In recent years, authorities have removed overtly Islamic architecture – destroying domes and tearing down minarets – from more than a thousand Hui mosques across the country, Hui activists say, with the Najiaying mosque being one of the last holdouts. The source, who declined to be named over fears for personal safety, said thousands of Hui residents – including men and women, elderly and children – had gathered around the mosque on Saturday, under the close watch of more than 1,000 police officers deployed nearby. The architectural overhaul of mosques has come with allegations of shrinking religious freedoms for the Hui, a 11 million-strong ethnic minority that live in scattered pockets throughout China from the northwest to the coastal cities in the east, including an officially designated “autonomous region,” Ningxia. Hui activists and rights groups claim authorities have stepped up efforts in recent years to restrict religious practices of Hui Muslims across China, including the shuttering of Islamic schools, Arabic classes and barring children from learning and practicing Islam. The implementation of the “sinicization” campaign has “had the effect of expunging communities of their connections to Hui culture, religion, and each other so thoroughly that some leaders view the erasure of a meaningful Hui identity within another generation as being a likely possibility,” according to a report submitted to a UN treaty body in January by the Chinese Human Rights Defenders and the Hope Umbrella International Foundation. Under a raft of restrictions imposed by the government, many Hui are now afraid to go to the mosque, which has long been a center of religious and social life for their communities, Ma said. What we worry about is after that, (the authorities) will ban our children from going to (religious) classes, bar minors from entering mosques and forbid us from studying the Quran,” they said, referring to the alleged restrictions that have been imposed on Hui communities across China.

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Welcome to the hidden gems of Kingdom Valley Rawalpindi, a city that boasts stunning landscapes, rich history and diverse culture. This Pakistani city has something for everyone – from adventurous activities to mouth-watering cuisines and great shopping experiences. In this blog post, we will take you on a journey through the many types of Rawalpindi, what to do in this fantastic city, where to eat like a local and even some accommodation options. So buckle up and get ready for an unforgettable trip!

Overview of Kingdom Valley Rawalpindi

Kingdom Valley Rawalpindi is a city located in the Punjab province of Pakistan. It is known for its natural beauty, stunning landscapes and rich cultural heritage. The region has been inhabited for thousands of years by different civilizations including the Mughals, Sikhs and British.
Rawalpindi is also home to many historical landmarks such as the ancient Rohtas Fort, which was built in the 16th century by Sher Shah Suri. Additionally, you can visit other popular tourist sites such as Ayub National Park and Shakarparian Hills.
The city serves as an important military headquarters due to its proximity to Islamabad, the capital of Pakistan. However, this does not take away from its charm or appeal to visitors seeking a unique travel experience.
With an array of activities ranging from hiking through picturesque trails to sampling local delicacies at bustling food markets – Kingdom Valley Rawalpindi caters to all types of travelers looking for adventure or relaxation alike.

The Different Types of Rawalpindi

Rawalpindi is a city with diverse landscapes and cultures. It offers an array of experiences that cater to different preferences. There are several types of Rawalpindi, each with its unique charm.
One type of Rawalpindi is the historical side, which showcases the rich Mughal architecture in places like Raja Bazaar and Saddar. The streets are lined with old buildings, giving visitors a glimpse into the past.
Another type is the foodie side of Rawalpindi, where you can find everything from traditional Pakistani cuisine to international dishes. Food streets such as Murree Road are famous for their mouth-watering delicacies.
For those who love shopping, there's also a shopper's paradise in Sadar and Raja Bazaar, where you can find anything from clothes to jewelry at affordable prices.
The adventurous type will enjoy exploring Ayub National Park situated on Jhelum Road offering scenic views amidst wildlife or hiking up the Margalla Hills located on Islamabad-Murree road for breathtaking sunsets over lush green valleys.
There’s also an intellectual side to this bustling city with universities such as Fatima Jinnah Women University providing opportunities for higher education while cultural centers offer exhibitions showcasing local arts and crafts.
These different sides make Rawalpindi an exciting destination worth exploring for any traveler interested in discovering Pakistan's hidden gems.

What to do in Rawalpindi

Rawalpindi is a city that offers plenty of things to do for both locals and tourists. If you're looking for some excitement, head over to the Ayub National Park where you can enjoy hiking, picnicking or simply relaxing in nature. The park has lush greenery and scenic views that are sure to take your breath away.
If you're interested in history and culture, Rawalpindi has several historical landmarks worth visiting. One such place is the Pakistan Army Museum which showcases the country's military history through various exhibits like weapons, uniforms and medals.
For those who love shopping, there are many markets around Rawalpindi that offer diverse products at affordable prices. The Raja Bazaar is one such market where you can find everything from fabrics to jewelry and electronics.
If you want to experience something different, visit the Shah Faisal Mosque which is one of the largest mosques in Pakistan with stunning architecture. You can also participate in religious activities or attend lectures on Islamic teachings here.
Rawalpindi has something for everyone regardless of their interests or preferences. So be sure to make time during your trip to explore all this vibrant city has to offer!

Where to Eat in Rawalpindi

Rawalpindi is a foodie's paradise, with a variety of options to choose from. One of the must-visit places in Rawalpindi for food lovers is Food Street. It offers an array of delicious traditional Pakistani dishes such as Nihari, Haleem and Seekh Kebab.
Another popular spot among locals and tourists alike is Savour Foods which serves mouth-watering biryani and barbeque items. For those who crave fast food, Johnny & Jugnu has got you covered with their famous burgers and fries.
If you're looking for fine dining experience in Rawalpindi, then Monal Restaurant should be on top of your list. Located at the scenic Pir Sohawa hill station, it offers breathtaking views alongside scrumptious continental cuisine.
For dessert lovers, Khattak Sweet House is not to be missed! Their delectable mithai (sweets) are made fresh every day using traditional recipes passed down through generations.
There are plenty of options available in Rawalpindi to satisfy your taste buds no matter what your preference may be!

All Chapters First Chapter of Alien-Nation Previous Chapter
Chapter summary: Vaughn liberates a bunch of people. Elias can't sleep and makes some decisions and receives a weird offer.
Chapter Art- Vaughn's Mask, a World War One Tanker Splatter Mask

Alien-Nation Chapter 169: Jailbreak

A Leslie's Pool Supplies retail outlet made for a strange rally point for any group of people, even moreso now that the whole strip mall along what had been Concord Pike had long since closed. The stainless letters spelled the forgotten name of the shopping center, still proudly adorned the top of the diagram of blank signs ensured at least the brick obelisk was a conveniently obvious marker for the men to find and make preparations for assaulting the jail.
'Morningstar' squadron had swelled their cell's numbers to well over twenty by absorbing the miscellaneous fragments of other cells, whose skills were more generalized. The name carried over to the newly formed Strike Force by virtue of being both the largest and the lynchpin of the operation's success.
This was the largest force of the three organized groups they'd split into, each aiming to try and hit the larger jails along Route 202, the other two branches making a target list of their own. Vendetta had given them an extra half hour to at least get themselves close to in-position, but with only one shortwave had no way of knowing if they would coordinate their strike. He was a known element to everyone even if only by name. At least Elias's words stayed true; All seemed very familiar and well-practiced with their carried weaponry. More importantly, none contested his assigned leadership or questioned his orders.
Vaughn cradled the RPG he'd been given, eyeing the well-lit building just over the carefully landscaped hill. The last had been over a half hour ago. The box-mart across the old highway was the temporary headquarters of the repositioned Troop One, after the suburbs near Camp Death had been cleared, likely soon to be repositioned again. But the size of the old box-mart seemed to indicate several things, that it was largely indefensible, could contain a fair few prisoners, and by its proximity to Camp Death, could be useful to strike regardless.
The flow of traffic was unusually heavy for being well before the crack of dawn. Perhaps people were trying their luck getting up old 202 to try and reach the border that way, after having no luck along other closed border checkpoints. There was a feeling of self-consciousness in carrying heavy weapons out in the open along a suburban highway most had driven along during peacetime, the juxtaposition of old familiar environment and newly familiar activity showing just how much their lives had changed. Moreso as cars rolled along it like it was a Friday night of olde, the two lives- old and new, bumping shoulders for a moment.
"You ready?" He asked, snapping them back to the present.
Mutters of assent was good enough. Haltingly, everyone in the mishmashed strike team moved toward the precinct's bright lights, taking advantage of the long shadows and occasional noise of the passing cars.
It was an unassuming building, the repurposed garrison made out of some retail outlet built back in the turbulent seventies, all brick and little else but tiny glass doors, with not even windows for the occupants to know the impending violence had been approaching. What era will this be known as? Early Imperial? Resistance? Revolutionary? Wondered the teen, as he leveled it at the lobby. Good? Bad? Hell, I'm just the man with the gun.
Everyone levelled their weapons as once, and Vaughn held a hand high. "We're here to liberate the prison, not blow it sky high," he chuckled. It was hardly armored or reinforced- or at least, so it seemed to him. And if it was, then the Data Center had shown the virtue of striking the same spot with concentrated fire beat showering it with dispersed impacts.
At least the glass door looked normal enough. "Bump and grind, forward. Forward!" He hissed. "Aim at that- there- the front door." Easy enough for the homemade launcher to hit, and these were arguably of the lowest utility if things went sideways. Elias had taught him asset management well- it was a waste to throw your best equipment at a stationary target. While the design was tried-and-tested, Vaughn still took a few steps away.
The improvised launcher let out a metallic clunk, and with a surprisingly subdued noise and recoil the projectile was sent tumbling freely, end over end, the cap blown clean off the improvised launcher. A second later, the giant projectile more than made up for it as the round smashed through the glass door, taking the automatic door slightly off the rails and bowing slightly inward- before then blowing both them and a hail of glass fragments outward as the detonation went off inside the main lobby.
Someone in a security forces uniform staggered out.
"Infantrymen, Fire!" Vaughn roared to the infantrymen, most of Morningstar dutifully restraining themselves as a hail of bullets sprayed into the storefront and even stitched up the exterior brickwork. Clearly, some insurgents were better trained than others judging by the tracer rounds and slowly tapering off rounds.
"Advance and reload! Morningstar, spread out and cover!"
The smoke and dust was subdued, at least for now, and left them with a surprisingly clear view into the front entrance. Red streaks were painted up on the wall, black and grey of smoke-dusted debris mixed in like a spin-art collage.
The lobby's contents were an absolute shambles- everything set on a ledge had been knocked about, including the ledges and desks themselves. The security forces inside responded by charging out the main doors to follow just a second later.
A hail of gunfire met them, most of the armored troopers flinching reflexively, their armor plates overlapping and protecting their wearer. A few reflexively tried returning fire despite the harsh stings of rounds tugging on the mix of fabric, bulletproof weave, and shattering off the neosteel plate they wore. The gunfire never let up on those unfortunate few who had charged out from their cover, the complete lack of coordination, dissimilar reloading times from infantry with unequal amounts of time spent with their weapons. Effective equipment and enthusiasm was undercut by poor training, surprise, and total lack of a plan to counter being outnumbered. Morningstar, on the other hand, had the numbers, the angle, and the element of surprise.
One by one the Security Forces lay flat. Either they were dead, had the fight knocked out of them, or were trying to present as minimal target as they could while they lined up their own rifles to return fire. It was hard to say for certain what the intent was, but the outcome was little different. Round after round continued pouring into them from dozens of unevenly sized magazines, an RPG or two sending the bodies of any who tried opening fire tumbling, their limbs likely held on by the durable material underneath. When they landed, their bodies folded like misshapen laundry, pressed into unnatural shapes with the wearer still inside.
The whole front engagement was over in less than a minute. A pale, non-gauntleted hand waved frantically from behind a shattered brick front, red streaking down the fingers.
"Hold!" Vaughn shouted. "Identify!" The hand continued waving, and Vaughn shoved an unwitting volunteer forward to pull the man out from behind, to reveal a man in a stained tee shirt with a dazed expression and blood dripping from a series of scratches on his cheeks, cut in like a cat's claws had raked over them.
"Civilian!" Vaughn bellowed over his ringing ears. "Any others inside?"
The man shook his head and mouthed 'no,' his voice seemingly too hoarse- perhaps from having spent an untold amount of time screaming.
The man was wrong- there were, or at least 'had been' more security forces inside. A sudden blast and the tinkering of shrapnel caused Vaughn to duck, then charge forward, his improvised explosive launcher discarded, swinging his shotgun around from his back to rest in his hands. A Technical had tried to leave via a service bay exit, apparently not even managing to round the corner before an RPG wielded by a Morningstar veteran had upended the uparmored pickup as it pulled out.
A survivor crawled from the wreckage, and Vaughn sprinted forward, pressing the barrel against the shivering man's temple as he raised his empty hands. The wet splatter kicked high, and Vendetta checked for any other survivors, the smoking tip of his shotgun wafting grey in the fluorescent tubes of the old retail outlet.
The technicals were indeed tough, he noted, but the round seemed to have flown into a wheel well, bypassing the plating. No one else inside seemed to be moving- yet still, he made certain. There'd be no theatrics of announcing himself to an enemy who played dead by standing in the open and giving orders, letting them try and exact some measure of revenge, or gasping out some warning to the shil'vati. No, a strike was to be calculated, and that calculation was to be total.
Two minutes later and a clear picture of the aftermath had emerged. Over five hundred prisoners rescued from the cells, cramped together like sardines, hastily erected concrete laid in a grid backstopping a prefab prison. PVC pipes ran from room to room for toilets no less roughshod in their construction, set straight into the dirty linoleum. Quite a few of the prisoners were deafened somewhat. The skeleton crew of Security Forces personnel hadn't stood a chance- supposedly, most were out, working from some kind of list, or perhaps had finished their shift after a long day of throwing people into prison.
Vaughn gestured with the shotgun. "There's your exit, people. If you're still undecided about the Shil'vati, then this was your wake-up call. If you're still undecided about us, then I'm not sure what to tell you. We just risked our lives to save yours. You want to pay it back? You can either pay it forward by helping us with the next prison, or you can help the Emperor of Mankind. Blankets, food, water, soldiers, guns, ammo, whatever you've got that you think might help. He hasn't said it, but I reckon you all owe him, if you've got a decent bone in your body, you'll at least bring him something, offer to try and help. If you want, you can listen in on the radio for instructions, and if you haven't got a shortwave, I'll separate off a few from our strike squad who can fill you in and get you there, if you feel like chipping in on the war effort."
Vaughn lowered the shotgun, taking a shell off his bandoleer and loading it in to replace the one he'd fired.
"That went well," Parker remarked. "And not a bad speech. Short, to the point, and all that. Honestly, I wish I'd brought a whole crew. One for the close-up on that impact. But, uh, that execution..."
"Completely necessary," Vaughn snapped, irritatedly. "That guy was fatally wounded. Putting him out of his misery was an act of mercy. And you'll remember to narrate that, if you got that on film."
"Of course." Parker didn't deny where he'd been aiming the camera- saving Vaughn at least the headache of reviewing the footage, and then having to kill Parker, if it turned out he'd been lying.
"I'm starting to think of these jail cells as something more like a pinata full of prizes. Namely, insurgents and good PR," he muttered. Truth be told, he'd wanted more of a fight. Vaughn pulled the radio from his pocket, and sent out the broadcast. "Done here. 202 North has been cleared. About four fifty good to go in some sense of the word, though where's anyone's guess. Tried sending them your way, don't know if they'll take it. Another fifty will need medical treatment. No casualties on our end. Surprise was total. We've got pictures. No enemies taken prisoner."
Vendetta stared around the lobby, an idea slowly dawning on him.
"Hey! Hey hey hey! Snag armor off any of the ones that you can. Grab any goods that are stocked up, and arm up anyone who says they're headed to Camp Death with the weapons the guys had here. Come on, we can't stay too long here. You-" he pointed at a man who had held down the trigger on his rifle, spraying the building at full auto. "-You're fucking useless at fighting. Gather up the ones who are able and willing to fight, get them packed into a civilian-style police cruiser, and drive them on over to Camp Death. Everyone, help him load up. Get everything you can out of the Evidence lockers into the trunks- they can fit a lot, trust me, I'd know. Camp Death's going to need goodies. Come on, move, people, move!"
Morningstar Squadron had re-mustered on Vendetta.
"Alright, now what?" They almost seemed eager for more.
A smile crept across Vendetta's face, invisible to all as he pointed at the row of vehicle keys.
"I think it's time we hit 141 and a couple more," he muttered, pulling it off the hook. "Now...wheelman, shotgun, or turret?"

"Accidentally Cut Content"

[Author's Note: Hey Everyone. I made a really dumb mistake and included part of the next chapter in the previous one's end in my rush to get it out the door. So the first couple paragraphs will be a repeat, but this IS a new chapter. I even updated those first four or five paragraphs slightly.]
I couldn't sleep well on the cot that night. Though I noticed hours ticked by, every moment seemed to be spent tossing and turning. I even tried resting with the mask off, held in my hands, but the risk to my identity being discovered if anyone barged in caused me enough stress to worsen the situation. Eventually, I gave up, kicked the covers off and donned the mask again, making my rounds around the camp, trying to calm myself down by taking a midnight stroll. Instead, I felt eyes countless following me, and I had to force myself to stand tall for them. For the thousandth time, I thought of this as my Valley Forge.
As I patrolled, I could hear whispered prayers, muttered plans of action, and mercifully, snores. At least some were getting some sleep. I could see orange lights reflecting off the clouds from where I knew Wilmington lay. It seemed Vaughn was keeping busy, if indeed it was his handiwork.
A few shipment inspections and a routine update from a sentry later, and I felt caught up to speed. I noticed Radio from the corner of my eye, seemingly also unable to sleep.
I almost jumped a foot in the air when I felt the tap on my shoulder, only to find G-Man's mask staring into mine. How strange that such a haunting visage was a comfort to me.
"Hey. Can't sleep?" He sounded surprisingly serene. Or maybe it was just tired resignation. His hands seemed stuck in a familiar claw-like shape after holding the soldering iron for so long, and my fingers ached in sympathy. My mask's filters took much of the scent of smoke I could smell from the distant fires, but I was sure that if I wasn't wearing my mask that G-Man would smell faintly of molten silver solder. I'd wondered how we'd repaired and updated so many railguns so quickly. Now I knew what he'd put himself through.
"I can't," I confessed. "G-Man, I'm sorry what happened with your father. Hell of a birthday." I hadn't even had a chance to give him the present I'd bought him- a couple new filters, and vintage craftsman toolkit, 'from before they sold out,' as Verns had phrased it. The memory of his voice already felt distant, somehow.
"Wasn't your fault. Even if Town Hall wasn't your big idea to get them to retaliate, you know? Then they'd still have done something. But, uh, thanks for saying that. And thanks for trying to get dad out. I'll remember that." George said quietly, then the conversation ended when he turned away and went to the edge of the embankment. Just like that.
I could never quite get a read on him, but I wanted to respect his distance. Whatever he was feeling, he seemed to want to feel it alone, and to keep his own counsel on the matter.
I continued course toward Radio.
"Any word from Miskatonic?" I asked hopefully.
Radio offered a noncommittal shrug, then dropped it in a hurry, raising one hand to massage his chest. "They say 'this is your war,' but did ship us a small container."
"I saw."
I hadn't exactly expected them to line up alongside us in the trenches in their white coats, but I'd hoped they'd have had some kind of wonder drug or noxious gas we might deploy. Something toxic to the Shil'vati but not us. The best they'd given us so far were experimental bullets and toxic-tipped arrows and knives, the former of which supposedly could potentially the armor, if fired with enough force and impacted with a good angle. If true, then I supposed they might be moderately useful in an ambush, and they had helpfully included a pair of compound bows. I had conducted a pretty decent survey of the defense, but I hadn't thought to ask if any were experienced archers. I also couldn't imagine taking someone off a railgun, large caliber rifle, or even an old cannon to hand them a bow and arrow without feeling like I was somehow offering them an insult without equipping it myself, and there was better I could think to do with the remaining minutes before the Shil'vati would inevitably come looking than to practice.
They'd fallen out of favor for a reason, and it wasn't that the earliest guns outperformed bows.
They had also supplied a small cache of rifles that were more likely to pulverize than penetrate unless the armor had been compromised already. These were still appreciated, but hardly the game changer I wanted in return for all we'd sent them.
Then Radio leaned in, voice kept conspiratorially low. "They did, however, mention an exfiltration for you."
Sam had been right, I wouldn't get back anything close to the value of what I'd sent out. At least, not unless I was willing to abandon everything and everyone, to cut and run for my life. Such a decision would be the inglorious end of the revolution, spelling doom for everyone in it, and all of humanity's culture. I'd forever be remembered as a coward, if I was so lucky to be remembered at all.
"Well, I'm not going."
"Okay, but here's a real head-scratcher. Did you show them where Camp Death is? I've been careful not to broadcast our coordinates, and my little helpers haven't been talking with Miskatonic. And the person on the shortwave mentioned that the border would free up tomorrow morning, then mentioned the interstate right up against the back of our base as a meeting point. They said Last Exit Before Pennsylvania. That's right there." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "And I didn't mention broadcasting without a cat's paw or relay. I mean there's a chance they triangulated, but throwing together a plan that fast? Nah, man, they knew."
I searched my memory. "I'm certain that I didn't mention it to them...did Hex? She did that internship. No, wait, she got picked up and dropped off at Warehouse Base. Unless she mentioned something on the drive past? She said they were somewhere North." Now that Radio had mentioned it, I was left with a bit of a puzzle. How did they know? How much did they know about us?
"They had to have known somehow. And if they didn't know before and just figured our location out, then I bet you it's not long before the Shil'vati figure it out themselves and come sniffing," Radio resignedly threw a hand up. "Should we update the signal? Start directing people straight here?"
We had numbers, yes, but we could still do to take more in, especially if the fighting dragged on or casualties mounted higher than I projected. "How long until they're sure we're here?"
Radio yawned under his mask, the animated glass-plated mask he wore misinterpreting it with an ASCII shocked ":O" face. "We've been broadcasting all night, so, who knows?"
"Well, if it was just a signal they picked up on any random given day, how long would it typically take for the Shil'vati to muster a response?"
"Depends on the day." At my silent stare, he objected further. "They sometimes respond pretty fast to that sort of thing, but these aren't normal times, E. They used to come to check out wherever I broadcast from within an hour or two or two, but remember, they've kind of got their hands full right now thanks to Vendetta's jailbreaks. Plus, there's so many more signals." He checked the screen of his shortwave and chuckled, then lightly massaged his chest again. "I'm sure we've already gone way past."
"Alright. If we see anyone snooping around us, add our location to the broadcast. That way, anyone in the resistance or is sympathetic but isn't sure where Camp Death is can find their way here. In the meantime, though, I still think we're best not leaking it. At least with the sentries having set in the final claymores and outer defenses, we should be well-situated to ward off anything they throw at us."
"Maybe. Maybe not," George said from behind me, and I froze.
"Why not?"
He'd helped build this place. He'd know any weaknesses as well as his father.
"They might have cloaking tech, or some other means of infiltration," his voice was a dry rasp.
I shuddered thinking about it. "That's a good point," I muttered. "Assassination and recovery might be up their alley...except, I think they're terrified of what losing me might mean for their hostages."
"I'll be honest. I don't think she cares at this point," G-Man countered. I couldn't fault his gloomy disposition. I could just hope that he didn't want something bad to happen to us, to balance out that something bad had happened to him, from some weird sense of fairness.
"Yeah?"
"Think about it for a second. What happens if you die? Then what does that let her do if that happens?"
It was with a startle I realized he had a good point. Azraea had committed to a shocking all-in, something that would shake the political landscape and memories of countless denizens of the state. Months of carefully planned schemes involving carefully planned defensive patrols meant to reinforce one another, frustrate, and hinder our operations had culminated in us adapting, learning. We thought we had her beaten, especially when we destroyed her monitoring, data collection, and reporting asset in Something Else Square. Then she'd pulled something like this out of a hat, catching us totally flat-footed, rounding up who-knew how many of us before we could muster. What other assumptions had I made that were incorrect? Would she hold fire, if she knew where I was if it meant sparing the hostages? Or were they now just an 'acceptable, if regrettable' loss? When your opponent becomes unpredictable, issues arise, especially when you're counting on them to do certain things.
If it was, then I'd just done her work for her, and all of us would be dead the moment she figured out where we were, and at least the end would come faster than I knew it had arrived.
I realized I was staring up into the orange-lit cloudy night sky. I could voice none of this, not without undermining morale and potentially sparking a panic.
"If she was going to start bombarding the state, she'd have started already by now," I chuckled. "The borders are sealed, right? Why wait? Why bother trying to build some sense of dread? She's not a vampire who feeds on fear. I choose to not be afraid of what she may do. I instead intend to plan around it, to the extent that we can. Besides, if I die, what would the twins do to the hostages?"
George made a disappointed growl, his sore hands turning from awkward claws into shaking fists. "That may be the point. If the Twins do anything to the hostages in retaliation for your death, then maybe as long as she didn't pull the trigger, she thinks she'll be absolved of whatever damage their deaths mean to them."
I wasn't sure she thought that way. Heck, after months, the woman was still an absolute enigma to me. Governess Bal'shir, I understood- the flurry of speeches and photo-ops and handshakes at civic meetings with 'literally-who's-that' of 'what-community' had been carte blanche for us to grow. Ministriva was a lying snake, and once we pieced that together, I ripped her apart. But Azraea? What drove the Fleet Admiral to come down here? Duty. There wasn't any sort of hard policy she followed that I could tell, not that I knew Shil'vati military doctrine well, being an outsider such as I was. Perhaps it was the greater liberty afforded her of being both Governess and General that made it seem like her plans shifted and changed in ways that made it hard for me to keep up. Or maybe she was just at such a rank and in such a position of power to where she could make her judgment calls. If so, that begged the question: What was 'the line' for her? I had a feeling I'd somehow crossed it already. Probably Radio's tape of me fucking the Empress, if I was to be honest. Most unfair to be judged for something that hadn't been my decision, though I doubted an apology from either of us would amount to much.
I looked over to my Lieutenants. They'd helped carry me this far. I'd be foolish to ignore them now. What could I do to at least mitigate the risk that he was right, and there was someone looking to kill me, right here and now?
"Alright, fine, you've convinced me. Instruct the sentries to get the next dozen people who we intake to help patrol the inner perimeter, and to keep a watch for...well, I mean, a stealthy seven foot tall purple alien with giant tits?"
"Something invisible," George supplied.
"Alright, for anything shifting in the tall grasses that they can't immediately see- I can't really ask them to keep an eye out for something they can't see, can I?" I was suddenly too tired to think properly.
"I'll explain it," G-Man offered.
"And I'll get the sentries ready to take over the radio, explaining how it works, then I'll try heading to bed, too," Radio offered, and I realized that a yawn sounded very strange through a voice modulator- his ASCII helmet seemed to fritz out again for a second.
"I should change my sleeping quarters, too," I muttered. "They'll almost certainly check the command cabin for me, if they manage to enter. I'll pick a tunnel- uh...somewhere."
"Might be smart. Could be they'll try and take out the explosives shed, too. Make it look like an accident on our part, get rid of any hostages, and then get a free pass to exact vengeance on the state. Got anywhere in mind?"
I thought to myself. Where might be a good resting area? There were many tunnels that led to bunkers, firing outposts, and even to stowage areas. Any one of them might do in theory, but I knew of one that overlooked one of the two streams that ran along the side of Camp Death. I didn't want to situate myself either too low to where I was on the very front of the lines- why make an assassin's job even easier by putting myself on the perimeter, after all? But the creek should make a pleasant bit of white noise- and also get me away from the center shed. "Probably facing North, along Perkins run. G-Man, you look absolutely dead on your feet. Get some rest if you can, you've certainly done enough and gone through enough for today."
"There's...still things to do."
"There always will be. If the others are finished doing their repairs, lock the shed," I muttered. "I know the hostages are in there, so post a sentry or two there, too, to watch over the entrance. You're right that she may try some kind of underhanded tactic." It wouldn't do much if they decided to set charges against the side or something, and the subsequent explosion would be, in a word, 'cataclysmic'. "This was supposed to be a relaxing walk to help me rest..." I scratched at my chin under the mask, feeling the beginnings of the few scratchy hairs that had grown since I'd last shaved, and feeling the cool fresh air without the filter as the wind kicked up.
"Sorry," G-Man offered sheepishly. "I'll go tell 'em."
While he ambled off, I followed Radio back to his pile of equipment.
"Before we split then, one last thing."
"Yeah?" Radio asked.
"Have we recovered Verns?" I asked Radio. "Any word?"
"No, not that I've heard," Radio confessed. "Vendetta's been mostly quiet, I think to hide his heading from anyone who might be listening, but I know that he's struck at least three jails and counting. Some of the ones he's freed are trickling up to us here on foot, and it seems he and Morningstar are acting like a human wrecking ball. The troops are calling it Operation Smash-and-Grab."
"Smash-and-grab," I laughed, thinking of the pun. "I like it. Do we have a more recent headcount?"
"Sam said we've got enough to last about three days of continuous, round-the-clock fighting with the hundreds of people we have here. If we get a resupply run- well, I suppose it would depend upon how big a hole gets blasted in the encirclement. Or, well, something to that effect. Look, man, I'm 'Radio', not 'Telephone,' and I don't have the head for this logistics shit that you two do. You want to talk to Sam, you get the man on the radio yourself, or ask one of the Sentries I'm sticking here to manage the comms. Point being, you try and get hold of him. I'm done for the night."
I could have said something witty back, but it felt counterproductive, and would only delay the sleep I was now well overdue for.
"I've got an idea for an update. The ones Vendetta's letting loose? They can gather supplies and wait for the signal to reinforce, or to agitate, or can organize people into a more focused group, one that can punch through whatever blockade they try and form up. It'll also force the Shil'vati to not concentrate forces on our back door-" I pointed back at the interstate. "Even if they clear them out, the opportunity for us to encircle and destroy and then break out is too high for them to really try to do a mass deployment along our back." Sam was, I knew, something of a career criminal. Able to rub elbows with the worst elements of humanity. He was a facilitator, I knew, not really a leader. "Can you tell him-"
Radio was already fiddling with the dial. "Already on it," he muttered. "Lotta profit in looting, should be easy for him to steer people with that, or something. Get some sleep, E."
I went up to a sentry, requisitioned a sleeping bag someone had helpfully brought, went into a trench and told him where I'd be if I was needed. I waved to Radio, and crawled into the gunnery tunnel, almost stepping on another four people already laying in it. I loosened my laces, clutched my sheathed knife, and fell into a fitful sleep.
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You heard it folks, after making a PSU and motherboard upgrade, my working seagate ST500DM002 hard drive seemingly stopped working as all my other drives did not. It does not power on at all or make any sort of noise, it's just quiet. I tried using satas and even a usb adapter and nothing works. I'm gonna assume it's possibly fried and was wondering, how in the hell could I get my data from it. I'm down in NC and was wondering if someone could find a good recovery center so I may retrieve my stolen goo- I mean my data back. I was watching some videos and apparently, if you don't hear anything, it's a PCB board issue which seems to be a really fixable issue but can someone tell me, what the hell happened to my HDD? all I did was go from a non-modular psu to a modular one and next thing you know, it just stops working?

Hello everyone, I've been granted €1000 in funding to invest in a camera for my workplace, which is a youth center. The camera I'm looking for should meet certain requirements:
​

1. It should feature interchangeable lenses.
2. The lens system should be reasonably priced.
3. The camera should be user-friendly, especially for beginners and kids.
4. It should be reasonably rugged.
5. It should have features like an external mic connection.

The ideal camera would provide a solid foundation for both photography and video. At present, it seems like the Fuji X-S10 could be a solid contender. However, when bundled with a good lens, it exceeds my initial €1000 budget. I do have a bit of wiggle room, and I think I could potentially secure an additional €500 if I can convincingly demonstrate the need for a higher budget to my supervisor.
Another model I've been considering is the Canon R10.
To be completely transparent, I personally use an X-T20 and admit to being a little biased towards it. I haven't made any videos since my university days when I was using DV tapes.
I would truly appreciate any advice or recommendations. Thank you in advance!
EDIT: I've just discovered that Canon has a Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) program, which might be a good avenue to get more value for our money. Unfortunately, it appears that Fuji does not have a similar program. If anyone has experience with these CSR programs or knows of other brands that offer something similar, I'd appreciate your insights.

Introduction: Mexico City has been a recent interest of mine ever since the YouTube algorithm started recommending me videos on this mega city. Like most Americans, I was ignorant and incorrectly under the assumption that Mexico City was sketchy and had nothing to offer for travelers other than poverty tourism. However, after watching YouTube videos and reading more about this city, I quickly learned that Mexico City, and Mexico in general, has a very rich culture and history. It also is the biggest city in the Western Hemisphere. I was locked in this point to explore this city so close to home.Booking this trip was very random, I originally booked a vacation to go to EDC Vegas with friends (insanely fun time btw) but I wanted to extend my PTO for the rest of the week after because I was already taking a day off to rest and had the Friday off for MDW.
After exploring other options in the US like possibly other areas in the south west like Utah or Arizona I quickly realized how expensive this would be. Vegas has great prices on flights so I wanted to take advantage of that and go somewhere international, due to my recent interest with Mexico City and how it isn’t too expensive, it just made sense. I booked the flight and hotel instantly so I wouldn’t think too much about it.
I invited some other friends at first and received some maybes, ultimately I knew that this would end up being a solo trip. I have some experience with solo trips, my first one was Hiroshima while I was studying abroad in Tokyo, that trip gave me my first powerful global experience that has ultimately became my goal when i travel now. I also did Denver last summer to see a red rocks show ( stayed in a hostel which ended up being the same price as a decent hotel in CDMX 🤣). I didn’t have much of a structured plan for this trip except to see the historic district and maybe teohiucan if it wasn’t too difficult to get there.
Logistics: I stayed in a Roma Norte hotel from Tuesday Night - Sunday Morning.
Interests: architecture, food, electronic music, nature, history
Day 1: Arrival
I arrived into CDMX around 1045pm via Volaris. The Volaris experience sucks, honestly worse than Spirit lol. For about an hour we were sitting on the runway not moving without AC in the Vegas heat. Apparently this is due to them not having runway rights? Not sure about this but that’s what some googling told me.
For some reason I exchanged usd for pesos at the cash exchange counters instead of using an atm to take out pesos. Not sure why I did because I have travelled internationally and know that ATMs are usually the best options. Whatever, I just took the L there. I called an Uber to my hotel after rejecting many taxi drivers.
I arrived to my hotel hungry and looked for open places to eat that were close to the hotel. I did not want to walk too far as I heard that night time gets sketchy. I ended up finding a taco place right across the street from my hotel so I went there. The place was called Taquería LOS HUARACHINES (ROMA). Ordering was a bit tough due to the language barrier but I got 2 Al pastor tacos, a plate of carne asada with about 5 tortilla, and a Coca Cola. This was an amazing meal and exactly what I wanted. The Al pastor was incredibly juicy and probably were the best tacos I had in my life at this point. I’m currently based in Texas so I’ve had real tacos before but these were just something else. I walked back to my hotel and quickly went to bed.
Day 2: Roma Norte & La Condesa
I had no official plans for this day. I was still tired from EDC Vegas so I woke up pretty late and didn’t get out of the hotel until around 1130-12. Once I did get out, I originally just planned to walk around neighborhood and see what piqued my interest. I started with a coffee. I got an iced coffee as it was hot out, I don’t think iced coffee is a thing anywhere else besides the US so this was also a little harder to order due to language barrier. Luckily someone spoke English at the counter and helped me order.
I began to walk north, I stopped at plaza rio de janiero to smoke a cigarette (I’m not a regular smoker except on vacation and when I go to raves lol). Very cool spot. My first impression of the Roma Norte neighborhood was that it was a nicer, greener, cleaner version of nyc with a European flair.
Next, I ended up at I believe Zona Rosa? It was a pedestrian only area with a lot of shops and restaurants. I stopped in a few shops maybe looking to buy sunglasses or a shirt but ultimately did not. I continued my walk.
I saw there was some sort of park near me called Bosque de Chapultec. I decided that would be my next destination to walk to. I passed the el Angel de la indepencia which was very impressive. I finally got to the park and was wowed by how nice it was. I didn’t know it was such a big destination until I got there and saw there a bunch of museos and vendors set up. I bought a pair of sunglasses as it was bright out and walked around a bit to take it in. Finally, I decided to check out a museum. I chose Museo de Arte Moderno as I wanted to see some art. I much prefer modern art over traditional art too. I really liked this museum and connected with a lot more paintings that I thought I would. About of 1/4 of the way through I realized can use Google translate to read the descriptions for some of the paintings. I wish I took down the artists who created some of these paintings but I think I can find the artists again if I really wanted to.
I went outside to the sculpture garden and this was a little underwhelming tbh. I was also getting hangry so I went through it quick. I decided to get lunch at Los Pancheros as it was nearby and the Google reviews seemed good. I ordered Plato rachero & caldo xochitl. HUGE portions and incredibly good. I really liked the soup though, it was some sort of chicken and rice soup. It took a little bit for the check to come but it finally did and I paid and left.
I ate way too much and I had to lay down somewhere so I went back to the park and found a nice place to lay where other people were. It was some sort of fountain that I can’t find on Google maps but even though it wasn’t exactly “grand” it was very chill and everyone there just seemed relaxed lol. I laid there for about 20-30 mins until I was ready to go again. I saw on Google maps that there was a castle in the park!? I really wanted to see that. I decided to walk in that direction and also passed Lago de Chapultec. Wow that was beautiful, I wish I took my rest time there lol.
I finally got to the castle entrance but they weren’t letting people in anymore as it was too late, damn. I should’ve paid more attention to the times, I didn’t realize all the museums closed at 5. I decided to finish up my park experience and Uber to the historic center just to check it out. However Ubers were very hard to get at this time as it was rush hour and traffic was insane outside the park. I had multiple people cancel on me, I also canceled on someone after seeing how long it would take to pick me up and drop me off to the historic center. I eventually decided just to walk back. It was about an hour walk back so I had to tough it out.
Not much happened on this walk, just continued to take in the city. Stopped at glorieta de Los insugentes to take a break and smoke a cigarette. I felt a little sketched out here due to all the people constantly moving. I was a bit worried about being pick pocketed but I think it was just the tiredness making me anxious. I got out of there relatively quick and made it back to my hotel to rest before dinner.
At this point I decided I wanted to go to teohiucan the next day. I explored my options for getting there and eventually just decided on Uber because I don’t really like being in a group when going to tourist sites as I’m a bit “quirky” and like to take weird routes and repeat some areas a few times I also keep an inconsistent pace so that made the group experience out of the question. I could’ve taken the bus but did not want to deal with the stress that public transit can be in a foreign country lol. For dinner, I made a reservation at the sushi place Makoto as I wanted something other than Mexican food. Fabulous place, I ordered a glass of wine, sushi sampler, and the fatty tuna nigiri.
Day 2: Teohiucan
I woke up somewhat early for this day. I ordered an Uber and was off. It was really interesting to see Mexico City outside the nicer neighborhoods. I think this is what most Americans imagine when they hear Mexico City. It looked like the COD MW2 map Favela. I wondered what life was like in this area of Mexico City. I even saw a ski lift in use to bring people up the mountain to their house maybe?
I got dropped off at Teohiucan and entered in. I skipped breakfast because I assumed they would have something there. I was half right, they had some convenient stores. I just bought a pack of crackers and a electrolit and hoped that would get me through the whole time I was there lol.I walked around all the pyramids, I was hoping to climb them but I saw they were closed for climbing, honestly a good thing, I imagine they were getting a lot of wear and tear from that. I feel like these pyramids are underrated in terms of world wonders. They’re pretty big and the city itself was apparently one of the biggest cities in the world at the time.
My favorite part about this visit was this path that you can take that allowed you to walk on the outside of the main path. It was super peaceful and you got to see the pyramids at different angles with no people around. In terms of my favorite structure, I liked the citadel a lot due to the intricate designs on it. Some random things I liked there were the jardin and the things the vendors were selling that made the animal noises 😂 I thought it was hilarious how everyone was basically spamming it in chat. I should’ve bought one looking back
I was a little anxious about getting an Uber back but I got one relatively quick and got back to my hotel. When I got back I was very hungry and I found this place near my hotel with a deal that gave 5 al pastor tacos and a cervesa for $100 pesos. Amazing deal but then I saw the al pastor looked like it was dry and has been out for awhile. Unfortunately i felt too awkward to leave after sitting, a mistake that I learned from later if you keep reading. However the tacos were still decent. I was still pretty hungry and found a street vendor selling hamburgers, I ordered con queso and it was insanely good. I ate it in a park and then got some churros from Churrería El Moro which were also good.Again I was way too full and had to lie down. I went back to my hotel and took a nap.
When I woke up I was still full but I started experiencing the first signs of montezumas revenge. However it didn’t seem that bad and I wanted to go out for a rooftop drink. I went to Supra Roma. Great vibe. I had to stand by the bar the whole time due to not having reservations but the views were fantastic and the dj was decent too. She was playing house music. I definitely want to bring my friends here if they ever want to come to cdmx. I had 1 cocktail and 2 beers there. Was thinking about talking to people there but mostly everyone was speaking Spanish so I decided not to.
I left and was gonna call it an early night but heard some more house music being played across the street at departmento. I decided why not and paid the cover to check it out. It was ok. Dj was decent but the vibe seemed kind of “basic” other than the music. Nothing too unique about this place, just a terrace playing music with young people hanging out. I had 2 drinks and left and got a torta. I made it back to my hotel around 12am and this when things started to go south unfortunately. Montezumas revenge came back and this time even stronger than earlier. The alcohol definitely did not help. It quickly kept getting worse in terms of cramping and the ability to not go to the bathroom for more than 20 mins. I think it was the Al pastor tacos from earlier today. I did not get much sleep this night and was basically in survival mode lol luckily I had some water bottles to stay hydrated but I knew I would have to venture out to get more eventually. I basically spent the whole night on the toilet or curled up in pain.
Day 3: Recovery
I was hoping I’d feel feel better in the morning and I was somewhat correct. After 12 hours I could walk again although it was definitely difficult. I managed to make it to a farmacia where the pharmacist recommended me treda. I got that and more water + electrolit. It was around 1pm so I sat outside and drank my electrolit to see if I strong enough to do some sort of activity. After about 20 mins of sitting outside I decided I definitely could not and decided to just take the L for today so I could be full strength for tomorrow. I took my treda and was able to get some rest. When I woke up I was still feeling montezumas revenge a little bit but I knew I had to eat something. I ended up using Uber eats to get consomé de pollo from this place called Toks. It seemed like a safe option as it looked like a chain and I assumed chains usually have somewhat good hygiene standards. It ended up being way better than expected and I managed to put down most of it.
After eating, I took a walk to get more electrolit. I was still a little weak so I just went back to the hotel and went to bed. I was a bit bummed I lost a day but anytime you’re in a 3rd world country you should budget a day for stomach issues.
Day 4: Castillo De Chapultepec & Historic Center
I woke up feeling a lot better. It was actually crazy as 24 hours ago I couldn’t even walk straight. I took my treda and headed out. I was debating on if I should go back Chapultepec park to see the castle or if it would take too much time as I was planning to go to the historic center today. I decided to see the castle as I was thinking about it too much to skip it.
I took an Uber there this time and paid the admission. It was definitely worth it. The castle was so beautiful and there was so much history inside. I learned a lot about Mexican history and was able to take in some nice views of the city. My favorite part were the murals inside and the jardin. After, I walked to 7/11 to get more electrolit. I also got pringles as I was hungry but my stomach was still a little rough. From there I ubered to the historic center.
When I got to the historic center I was instantly overstimulated lol. It was a Saturday afternoon so it must’ve been the most popular day. It was a lot bigger than expected too. I didn’t really know where to start so I just started walking. My first stop was actually the adidas store as I needed to get my bearings and am a fan of adidas lol unfortunately there wasn’t much in there though that seemed exclusive. I know in Tokyo they’ll have exclusive stuff but didn’t see anything like that in Mexico City, bit disappointed but otherwise it provided a place for me to take a breath. I got out and started walking towards zocalo plaza.
Zocalo Plaza was just epic. The big Mexican flag with the cathedral behind it had so much swag for lack of a better term lmao it showed off the immense pride that Mexico has for itself. I really liked this area a lot.
I continued walking and ended up at these streets with vendors. This was even more overstimulating than the other areas. So much noise and people. I stopped in a store and got a can coke and kept on trucking along.
I decided to go to palacio de bella artes. I really liked palacio de bella artes as well. The architecture and colors were stunning. The Torre Latinoamericana building was also interesting. I decided to check out the museum inside palacio de Bella artes. At first i thought it was a bit underwhelming. I was not too big of a fan of the murals and it seemed like some areas were closed. I then came across the Dioses y Maquinas exhibit by Santiago Sierra Soler. This exhibit was an “immersive cinema installation” that told the story of the aztecs getting colonized by Spaniards. It was very powerful and really made me understand some of the politics of Mexico. Also globalism in general and how colonization impacted the world. It gave me that powerful global experience that I mentioned before. I think everyone who visits cdmx should experience this exhibit to really wrap your head around the politics of the country and how it became what it is today. When I walked out I began to see the two sides of Mexico, the native side and european side and how they interact with each other.
That exhibit made me want to learn about the Aztecs more so I ended up going to museo del templo mayor. This place was also impressive with countless exhibits about the Aztecs. It’s insane to me how there was an ancient city right under us. By the time I was done there I was getting hungry so ironically I got McDonald’s as my stomach needed something familiar. I got it to go and ate it near the palacio de bella artes. I wanted to go the sears rooftop after but couldn’t find the entrance so I just walked around the surrounding neighborhood. This part reminded me a lot of Manhattan.
I walked through the Barrio Chino and thought it was hilarious tbh. I did not see any Asian people and there wasn’t much Asian culture other than the lanterns i guess lol the restaurants also did not look too good. Cool experience nonetheless.
I ended my walk at a plaza San juan to call an Uber as it was about to start raining. I found the torre de telefons de Telmex structure also super interesting. I made it home and rested before dinner.
For dinner I went to this Argentinan steak house called Gardela. A bit risky after my stomach issues but I wanted to get a nice dinner on my last night. I got a dry aged New York strip and it did not disappoint. I ordered it medium rare but it was a bit more rare than expected. I ate it anyway and was wowed. One of the best steaks I’ve ever had. Amazing service too, can’t recommend this place enough if you want a good steak.
When I got back to my hotel I was having an internal debate if I should go out. I had an early flight and was already pretty tired and full. I decided to go out anyway as it was Saturday night and didn’t get to do anything the day before. I ended up at this techno club called yuyu. Pretty intimate spot. The techno was very good and creative. The crowd was also fun, I had a few shallow conversations with people but nothing deep. Mostly my fault though as I wasn’t making much conversation. I just drank beer, smoked cigarettes, and listened to good electronic music which is a solid night for me. I headed home around 2 and went to bed for my flight.
Closing remarks:I really enjoyed my time in Mexico City. Im not sure what my expectations were for the city but they were definitely exceeded. Definitely an underrated city as there is so much culture and history but I never here much people talk about it in the states. I will definitely be back as I feel like there’s still so much to discover and it was pretty cheap to get there and get lodging.
Not gonna lie though, I was bit nervous going solo here but once I got there most of the anxiety went away. In terms of safety, just be where you’re supposed to be (tourist areas & safe neighborhoods), keep your possessions zipped up, and don’t walk at night. I felt more sketched out in most US cities

Introduction: Mexico City has been a recent interest of mine ever since the YouTube algorithm started recommending me videos on this mega city. Like most Americans, I was ignorant and incorrectly under the assumption that Mexico City was sketchy and had nothing to offer for travelers other than poverty tourism. However, after watching YouTube videos and reading more about this city, I quickly learned that Mexico City, and Mexico in general, has a very rich culture and history. It also is the biggest city in the Western Hemisphere. I was locked in this point to explore this city so close to home.Booking this trip was very random, I originally booked a vacation to go to EDC Vegas with friends (insanely fun time btw) but I wanted to extend my PTO for the rest of the week after because I was already taking a day off to rest and had the Friday off for MDW. After exploring other options in the US like possibly other areas in the south west like Utah or Arizona I quickly realized how expensive this would be. Vegas has great prices on flights so I wanted to take advantage of that and go somewhere international, due to my recent interest with Mexico City and how it isn’t too expensive, it just made sense. I booked the flight and hotel instantly so I wouldn’t think too much about it.
I invited some other friends at first and received some maybes, ultimately I knew that this would end up being a solo trip. I have some experience with solo trips, my first one was Hiroshima while I was studying abroad in Tokyo, that trip gave me my first powerful global experience that has ultimately became my goal when i travel now. I also did Denver last summer to see a red rocks show ( stayed in a hostel which ended up being the same price as a decent hotel in CDMX 🤣). I didn’t have much of a structured plan for this trip except to see the historic district and maybe teohiucan if it wasn’t too difficult to get there.
Logistics: I stayed in a Roma Norte hotel from Tuesday Night - Sunday Morning.
Interests: architecture, food, electronic music, nature, history
Day 1: Arrival
I arrived into CDMX around 1045pm via Volaris. The Volaris experience sucks, honestly worse than Spirit lol. For about an hour we were sitting on the runway not moving without AC in the Vegas heat. Apparently this is due to them not having runway rights? Not sure about this but that’s what some googling told me.
For some reason I exchanged usd for pesos at the cash exchange counters instead of using an atm to take out pesos. Not sure why I did because I have travelled internationally and know that ATMs are usually the best options. Whatever, I just took the L there. I called an Uber to my hotel after rejecting many taxi drivers.
I arrived to my hotel hungry and looked for open places to eat that were close to the hotel. I did not want to walk too far as I heard that night time gets sketchy. I ended up finding a taco place right across the street from my hotel so I went there. The place was called Taquería LOS HUARACHINES (ROMA). Ordering was a bit tough due to the language barrier but I got 2 Al pastor tacos, a plate of carne asada with about 5 tortilla, and a Coca Cola. This was an amazing meal and exactly what I wanted. The Al pastor was incredibly juicy and probably were the best tacos I had in my life at this point. I’m currently based in Texas so I’ve had real tacos before but these were just something else. I walked back to my hotel and quickly went to bed.
Day 2: Roma Norte & La Condesa
I had no official plans for this day. I was still tired from EDC Vegas so I woke up pretty late and didn’t get out of the hotel until around 1130-12. Once I did get out, I originally just planned to walk around neighborhood and see what piqued my interest. I started with a coffee. I got an iced coffee as it was hot out, I don’t think iced coffee is a thing anywhere else besides the US so this was also a little harder to order due to language barrier. Luckily someone spoke English at the counter and helped me order.
I began to walk north, I stopped at plaza rio de janiero to smoke a cigarette (I’m not a regular smoker except on vacation and when I go to raves lol). Very cool spot. My first impression of the Roma Norte neighborhood was that it was a nicer, greener, cleaner version of nyc with a European flair.
Next, I ended up at I believe Zona Rosa? It was a pedestrian only area with a lot of shops and restaurants. I stopped in a few shops maybe looking to buy sunglasses or a shirt but ultimately did not. I continued my walk.
I saw there was some sort of park near me called Bosque de Chapultec. I decided that would be my next destination to walk to. I passed the el Angel de la indepencia which was very impressive. I finally got to the park and was wowed by how nice it was. I didn’t know it was such a big destination until I got there and saw there a bunch of museos and vendors set up. I bought a pair of sunglasses as it was bright out and walked around a bit to take it in. Finally, I decided to check out a museum. I chose Museo de Arte Moderno as I wanted to see some art. I much prefer modern art over traditional art too. I really liked this museum and connected with a lot more paintings that I thought I would. About of 1/4 of the way through I realized can use Google translate to read the descriptions for some of the paintings. I wish I took down the artists who created some of these paintings but I think I can find the artists again if I really wanted to. I went outside to the sculpture garden and this was a little underwhelming tbh. I was also getting hangry so I went through it quick.
I decided to get lunch at Los Pancheros as it was nearby and the Google reviews seemed good. I ordered Plato rachero & caldo xochitl. HUGE portions and incredibly good. I really liked the soup though, it was some sort of chicken and rice soup. It took a little bit for the check to come but it finally did and I paid and left.
I ate way too much and I had to lay down somewhere so I went back to the park and found a nice place to lay where other people were. It was some sort of fountain that I can’t find on Google maps but even though it wasn’t exactly “grand” it was very chill and everyone there just seemed relaxed lol. I laid there for about 20-30 mins until I was ready to go again. I saw on Google maps that there was a castle in the park!? I really wanted to see that. I decided to walk in that direction and also passed Lago de Chapultec. Wow that was beautiful, I wish I took my rest time there lol.
I finally got to the castle entrance but they weren’t letting people in anymore as it was too late, damn. I should’ve paid more attention to the times, I didn’t realize all the museums closed at 5. I decided to finish up my park experience and Uber to the historic center just to check it out. However Ubers were very hard to get at this time as it was rush hour and traffic was insane outside the park. I had multiple people cancel on me, I also canceled on someone after seeing how long it would take to pick me up and drop me off to the historic center. I eventually decided just to walk back. It was about an hour walk back so I had to tough it out.
Not much happened on this walk, just continued to take in the city. Stopped at glorieta de Los insugentes to take a break and smoke a cigarette. I felt a little sketched out here due to all the people constantly moving. I was a bit worried about being pick pocketed but I think it was just the tiredness making me anxious. I got out of there relatively quick and made it back to my hotel to rest before dinner.
At this point I decided I wanted to go to teohiucan the next day. I explored my options for getting there and eventually just decided on Uber because I don’t really like being in a group when going to tourist sites as I’m a bit “quirky” and like to take weird routes and repeat some areas a few times I also keep an inconsistent pace so that made the group experience out of the question. I could’ve taken the bus but did not want to deal with the stress that public transit can be in a foreign country lol. For dinner, I made a reservation at the sushi place Makoto as I wanted something other than Mexican food. Fabulous place, I ordered a glass of wine, sushi sampler, and the fatty tuna nigiri.
Day 2: Teohiucan
I woke up somewhat early for this day. I ordered an Uber and was off. It was really interesting to see Mexico City outside the nicer neighborhoods. I think this is what most Americans imagine when they hear Mexico City. It looked like the COD MW2 map Favela. I wondered what life was like in this area of Mexico City. I even saw a ski lift in use to bring people up the mountain to their house maybe?
I got dropped off at Teohiucan and entered in. I skipped breakfast because I assumed they would have something there. I was half right, they had some convenient stores. I just bought a pack of crackers and a electrolit and hoped that would get me through the whole time I was there lol.I walked around all the pyramids, I was hoping to climb them but I saw they were closed for climbing, honestly a good thing, I imagine they were getting a lot of wear and tear from that. I feel like these pyramids are underrated in terms of world wonders. They’re pretty big and the city itself was apparently one of the biggest cities in the world at the time.
My favorite part about this visit was this path that you can take that allowed you to walk on the outside of the main path. It was super peaceful and you got to see the pyramids at different angles with no people around. In terms of my favorite structure, I liked the citadel a lot due to the intricate designs on it. Some random things I liked there were the jardin and the things the vendors were selling that made the animal noises 😂 I thought it was hilarious how everyone was basically spamming it in chat. I should’ve bought one looking back
I was a little anxious about getting an Uber back but I got one relatively quick and got back to my hotel. When I got back I was very hungry and I found this place near my hotel with a deal that gave 5 al pastor tacos and a cervesa for $100 pesos. Amazing deal but then I saw the al pastor looked like it was dry and has been out for awhile. Unfortunately i felt too awkward to leave after sitting, a mistake that I learned from later if you keep reading. However the tacos were still decent. I was still pretty hungry and found a street vendor selling hamburgers, I ordered con queso and it was insanely good. I ate it in a park and then got some churros from Churrería El Moro which were also good.
Again I was way too full and had to lie down. I went back to my hotel and took a nap. When I woke up I was still full but I started experiencing the first signs of montezumas revenge. However it didn’t seem that bad and I wanted to go out for a rooftop drink.
I went to Supra Roma. Great vibe. I had to stand by the bar the whole time due to not having reservations but the views were fantastic and the dj was decent too. She was playing house music. I definitely want to bring my friends here if they ever want to come to cdmx. I had 1 cocktail and 2 beers there. Was thinking about talking to people there but mostly everyone was speaking Spanish so I decided not to.
I left and was gonna call it an early night but heard some more house music being played across the street at departmento. I decided why not and paid the cover to check it out. It was ok. Dj was decent but the vibe seemed kind of “basic” other than the music. Nothing too unique about this place, just a terrace playing music with young people hanging out. I had 2 drinks and left and got a torta.
I made it back to my hotel around 12am and this when things started to go south unfortunately. Montezumas revenge came back and this time even stronger than earlier. The alcohol definitely did not help. It quickly kept getting worse in terms of cramping and the ability to not go to the bathroom for more than 20 mins. I think it was the Al pastor tacos from earlier today. I did not get much sleep this night and was basically in survival mode lol luckily I had some water bottles to stay hydrated but I knew I would have to venture out to get more eventually. I basically spent the whole night on the toilet or curled up in pain.
Day 3: Recovery
I was hoping I’d feel feel better in the morning and I was somewhat correct. After 12 hours I could walk again although it was definitely difficult. I managed to make it to a farmacia where the pharmacist recommended me treda. I got that and more water + electrolit. It was around 1pm so I sat outside and drank my electrolit to see if I strong enough to do some sort of activity. After about 20 mins of sitting outside I decided I definitely could not and decided to just take the L for today so I could be full strength for tomorrow. I took my treda and was able to get some rest. When I woke up I was still feeling montezumas revenge a little bit but I knew I had to eat something. I ended up using Uber eats to get consomé de pollo from this place called Toks. It seemed like a safe option as it looked like a chain and I assumed chains usually have somewhat good hygiene standards. It ended up being way better than expected and I managed to put down most of it.
After eating, I took a walk to get more electrolit. I was still a little weak so I just went back to the hotel and went to bed. I was a bit bummed I lost a day but anytime you’re in a 3rd world country you should budget a day for stomach issues.
Day 4: Castillo De Chapultepec & Historic Center
I woke up feeling a lot better. It was actually crazy as 24 hours ago I couldn’t even walk straight. I took my treda and headed out. I was debating on if I should go back Chapultepec park to see the castle or if it would take too much time as I was planning to go to the historic center today. I decided to see the castle as I was thinking about it too much to skip it.
I took an Uber there this time and paid the admission. It was definitely worth it. The castle was so beautiful and there was so much history inside. I learned a lot about Mexican history and was able to take in some nice views of the city. My favorite part were the murals inside and the jardin. After, I walked to 7/11 to get more electrolit. I also got pringles as I was hungry but my stomach was still a little rough. From there I ubered to the historic center.
When I got to the historic center I was instantly overstimulated lol. It was a Saturday afternoon so it must’ve been the most popular day. It was a lot bigger than expected too. I didn’t really know where to start so I just started walking. My first stop was actually the adidas store as I needed to get my bearings and am a fan of adidas lol unfortunately there wasn’t much in there though that seemed exclusive. I know in Tokyo they’ll have exclusive stuff but didn’t see anything like that in Mexico City, bit disappointed but otherwise it provided a place for me to take a breath. I got out and started walking towards zocalo plaza.
Zocalo Plaza was just epic. The big Mexican flag with the cathedral behind it had so much swag for lack of a better term lmao it showed off the immense pride that Mexico has for itself. I really liked this area a lot.
I continued walking and ended up at these streets with vendors. This was even more overstimulating than the other areas. So much noise and people. I stopped in a store and got a can coke and kept on trucking along.
I decided to go to palacio de bella artes. I really liked palacio de bella artes as well. The architecture and colors were stunning. The Torre Latinoamericana building was also interesting. I decided to check out the museum inside palacio de Bella artes. At first i thought it was a bit underwhelming. I was not too big of a fan of the murals and it seemed like some areas were closed. I then came across the Dioses y Maquinas exhibit by Santiago Sierra Soler. This exhibit was an “immersive cinema installation” that told the story of the aztecs getting colonized by Spaniards. It was very powerful and really made me understand some of the politics of Mexico. Also globalism in general and how colonization impacted the world. It gave me that powerful global experience that I mentioned before. I think everyone who visits cdmx should experience this exhibit to really wrap your head around the politics of the country and how it became what it is today. When I walked out I began to see the two sides of Mexico, the native side and european side and how they interact with each other.
That exhibit made me want to learn about the Aztecs more so I ended up going to museo del templo mayor. This place was also impressive with countless exhibits about the Aztecs. It’s insane to me how there was an ancient city right under us. By the time I was done there I was getting hungry so ironically I got McDonald’s as my stomach needed something familiar. I got it to go and ate it near the palacio de bella artes. I wanted to go the sears rooftop after but couldn’t find the entrance so I just walked around the surrounding neighborhood. This part reminded me a lot of Manhattan.
I walked through the Barrio Chino and thought it was hilarious tbh. I did not see any Asian people and there wasn’t much Asian culture other than the lanterns i guess lol the restaurants also did not look too good. Cool experience nonetheless. I ended my walk at a plaza San juan to call an Uber as it was about to start raining. I found the torre de telefons de Telmex structure also super interesting. I made it home and rested before dinner.
For dinner I went to this Argentinan steak house called Gardela. A bit risky after my stomach issues but I wanted to get a nice dinner on my last night. I got a dry aged New York strip and it did not disappoint. I ordered it medium rare but it was a bit more rare than expected. I ate it anyway and was wowed. One of the best steaks I’ve ever had. Amazing service too, can’t recommend this place enough if you want a good steak.
When I got back to my hotel I was having an internal debate if I should go out. I had an early flight and was already pretty tired and full. I decided to go out anyway as it was Saturday night and didn’t get to do anything the day before. I ended up at this techno club called yuyu. Pretty intimate spot. The techno was very good and creative. The crowd was also fun, I had a few shallow conversations with people but nothing deep. Mostly my fault though as I wasn’t making much conversation. I just drank beer, smoked cigarettes, and listened to good electronic music which is a solid night for me. I headed home around 2 and went to bed for my flight.
Closing remarks:
I really enjoyed my time in Mexico City. Im not sure what my expectations were for the city but they were definitely exceeded. Definitely an underrated city as there is so much culture and history but I never here much people talk about it in the states. I will definitely be back as I feel like there’s still so much to discover and it was pretty cheap to get there and get lodging. Not gonna lie though, I was bit nervous going solo here but once I got there most of the anxiety went away. In terms of safety, just be where you’re supposed to be (tourist areas & safe neighborhoods), keep your possessions zipped up, and don’t walk at night. I felt more sketched out in most US cities

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It’s Memorial Day 2023 and at my job sitting in my office as the store manager of a retail box chain. The couple deployments in the big green uniform during the mid 2000’s cross my mind only once or twice and I cant decide how I feel about that. With the old big 40th birthday not but but a couple years around the corner, the southern beach town where i live and spent most of my childhood hasn't quite woken up yet. But here i am feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time. I feel surreal. That or I’m in shock.
I confronted my narc over her lack of commitment last weekend, after another game of midnight twister. Twister never was a issue with us, probably some of the best games ever played. Yall get it.
We have been in this long slow death spiral for over a year now but this feels like the end. I demanded to know why I was good enough to fuck but not good enough to be in a relationship. She spouted off about some lie she made up that i told. Then last Thursday, she again ask me to come over. I stand my ground and say no, that if I’m not good enough to tell your ex fiancé that i exist then I’m not having sex with you. Friday I look on Facebook and she hadn’t blocked me again but here’s she’s posting a picture of her packed truck headed where? You guess it……the northern state where “ex-fiancé” lives. You gotta be shitting me what’s wrong with this lady ? How long had that been planned and she left without saying a word. By now I’ve gotten to be an expert detective among other things. She's from a northern state The fiancé had lived with her down here a few years before moving back. Evidently She always went to enormous lengths to keep me away from the rest of her life. Now the whole house of cards is falling down. I basically call her a liar that there is nothing on between them. She went up there to help a relative move a few weeks back didn’t answer a single call or text all weekend. Completely ignored me. He was there with them the whole time. I asked why did the engagement end years back? Her answer left me utterly astonished. “I just didn’t love him like i I should have.” What the fuck does that mean? Whys he still around? Tell me all the whole truth. That was Friday and communication ended immediately and haven’t heard from her since. She hadn’t blocked me yet but will not respond. .Just silence as I slowly realized that every single thing she told me was all a lie. All the crazy accusations out of now where, all the lies she’s told her family about me were all in fact things she’d done to others or was doing to me. I learned early on in this what "projection" meant and the first time I told her I think she was doing it , she counter punched like she been holding a UNO reverse card up her sleeve. As the full weight of who this person actually was hit me, everything spiraled for me into the worst feeling of betrayal and despair I’d ever felt. This woman that i loved more than I’ve ever loved the one who promised me so many bullshit promises. The one who claimed to my friend and would never leave , had finally evolved into something i didn’t recognize. Something that was evil and dangerous. Boy i was so naive.
Let me tell you how this all began. We were both employed at the same outlet mall. I am in my mid late 30’s , she’s a bit older than me. Early mid 50’s. Blonde. Not a lot but enough tattoos and piercings to make you look twice. She was no super model but her body always had kinda driven me crazy.Right curves in all th right places. But the age difference could raise a eye nethertheless, I had always kinda had a crush on this lady but never really made a move. Just couldn’t draw up a play. Life went by and I eventually found my self living in what looking back was my PARADISE. My parents divorced in my early teens and my little brother and sister and I kinda never gained a sense of direction for many years. I found mine on a bus to to Fort Benning. If I was going to be in the Army, I couldn't tall the future grandkids i had that i changed the oil on humvees. It was Infantry for me and with 2 years of hugging my mom bye I found my self in Nuristan Province, Afghanistan. It was every thing you imagined it could be and more and i still sometimes kind of think to myself you went through some shit over there in the valley that 98% of people would never even dream of doing. And made it out relativity unscathed . Couple busted lips and a good old TBI to take with you but soldier on. My career really started trending upward after the first tour ended and I began dating a girl from near my hometown. Not too long after that we get married on the courhouse steps out of fear the next phone call could be a mission. 5 months later my convoy is just stepping outside the wire when the Red Cross Message comes in. Car Crash. Your wife. Her brother. Drunk driver crossed center line. Hit them head one while they were stopped at rural stop sign. No survivors. That's the first time my soul detached from my body.

The army at the time was big on taking these resiliency classes and preaching resiliency and over the years it kinda became my mantra. Life went on and seemed like I had made something out of myself I became engaged to beautiful woman who had been through thick and thin with me the past few years. She was what we call "good people " down here. She absolutely adored me and was totally out of my league. Grew up in the Florida Keys, ACC Division 1 Athlete, she made life look easy. We had a 2 story house at the end of the cul de sac. We had a large group of friends. She was the Coach of the church dance squad, I willed that softball team to 2 consecutive "playoff" appearances. Life was good.
Then about 5 or 6 months before our wedding date her first, my second chance, and that's when this our story here really kicks off. By the way huge southern wedding. It was amazing even though i was becoming stressed about all the constant planning, I had finally been promoted to management and was becoming burnt out. This lady,who would become my narc, these blonde hair woman with a free spirit who I'd known for some years ,one day she just, she just looked different. I can't describe it but there was something drawing me in that I felt powerless to stop. I remember the first time we locked eyes, we just held the stare for what seemed like forever until we were both out of breath and then looked at each like "WTF was that" I felt like electricity flowing through my body. A few weeks go by and we starting to find ways to be closer to each other until one day our hands actually grazed and it felt like every nerve in my body exploded. Life as I knew it at least, effectively ended that day. She had her hooks in. Didn't take me long find my self sneaking out the house in the middle of the night into her bedroom. The passion, the intensity was so great that I thought there's no way that cant be real. It was the most intense thing I'd ever experienced. I was totally wrapped before too long. As the wedding date loomed and my fiance became more and more suspicious, the narc would start planting these fantasies of how we could be together. Oh yea she was totally aware I was taken. We could buy a camper go out west raise goats. Runaway together...it sounded good. We spent our days fantasizing about running away together and staring into each others eyes. In the back of my head I already felt like this was my person. What do I do? Looking back those were that last days of innocence. I had no idea what was to become. My narc had all but flat out said if you want me you know what you have to do. The wedding comes and it the best day of my life. I do a pretty good job of not thinking about the narc. We actually go a whole week without seeing each or speaking. I almost thought to myself , " Well you' ve done a really shitty thing but your married to a really good woman so lets move on as best we can.
I lasted 3 weeks.
My narc tells me that as long as I am living under a roof with my wife, she will have nothing to do with me. Next thing you know I'm standing in our kitchen with my bags in my hands and the stupidest look on my face. I still cant explain why but the draw to this narc woman had me powerless. My poor wife lets me go she still doesnt know for sure whats going on and I tell her I just need some time I'm staying with a friend. I shack up with the narc and for the next week things are good. all things considered. This is around the time where I start to blow through red flags like I'm in a stolen Ferrari on Miami Blvd. The narc has family coming down from up north, a baby shower for one of the narcs daughters. The fact that narc is a grandma never bothered me. this is the first time hear abut the ex. Hes not the father of her daughters but he "raised them" and they consider him pops. I was very shocked and didnt have a clue what to say when I was told I needed to find a place to stay for the next 2 weeks, not enough room for everyone. I landed on a friends couch utterly confused and when i heard her daughters and her screaming because my employee name tag had been found in narcs bed, somebody might see it , I should have run far and fast then. I eventually made my way home, walked in the door and broke down in tears confessing it all to my wife. She told me we can work through this we will go to counseling whatever it takes. The one thing that was non negotioable was i was to leave my job immeditaly. I felt helpless- I wanted my wife I was already missing my old life by then. But I was making more money than I'd ever imagined I would and I come up from square 1 seven years ago, how could I tell the man who hired me the GM who would become mentocoach figure to me? I just couldn't. Narc catches wind I'm back home and one morning I'm out in the middle of this mall and she comes beelining towards me and right into front of EVERYONE delivers a left jab, right hook combo that would have made Teddy Atlas proud. I didn't flinch or wince I simply dropped my head in shame, saying I deserved that while she runs off making this strange guttural crying/screaming noise. What was I supposed to do I had no where else to go? Knowing what I know now, I was witnessing r my first narc rage. Things eventually calm down over the next 3 weeks but my wife had grown tired of waiting. I was around this narc everyday. been She moved back to Florida, giving me a month to find a place to live. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since AND that's not my choice. I think about her almost everyday and honestly I'll never forgive myself for breaking her heart the way I did. She was innocent and never deserved this.
I cannot understate how woefully unprepared for this I was. I was extremely naive, I had no clue what narcissism meant, I thought it meant you liked to look at yourself in a mirror.I never realized the dangling of the carrot or the manipulation and the complete total inability to admit wrong or have any form of accountably all were tied together , at least until much later .Now my narc starts saying we can only be together if I have my own place. Next thing you know I've found one and moved in. Man these carrots are actually quite tasty. Now begins a looong 4 5 months where she would accuse me of cheating or lying or some reason for us to not be officially a couple. But she would keep a trove of men she flirted with on social media , go out with with i don't think she slept around but definitely wasn't right.The double standard from hell. Life became a constant cycle of hot cold hot cold to the point where at any given time I had zero idea of whether so considered us to be together at that time or single. One of her go to plays was to dare me to walk away, but by then my entire network of family and friends had really zero desire to have anything to do with me because they had all been at this very expensive wedding not even a few months ago. I found a place to rent further inland , a little place out in the country. She had isolated me now, I just didn't know it, and honestly by this point I was becoming more desperate and desperate to make us work. I've sacrificed everything because i truly truely believed in her and us. I would have done anything she asked and i many times I did. Midway into last fall, I started noticing things that I dunno made me notice things. Something wasn't right.

1. She never once not one time ever said those 3 words. I love you I said them every time we got off the phone. To this day I've never heard her say it
   
2. Every holiday, every single one she would find a reason where I wasnt allowed to come over and be with her and her family. LIttle did I know the smear campaign was starting to fire on all cylinders.
   
3. The accusations of lying and or doing something I wasn't supposed to were becoming more frequent yet even when I would prove to her I was telling the truth, she never once has has said I'm sorry , I was wrong.
   

Red flags are more like advisories right?
Things progressed to the point where I start going to counseling/therapy because she has me so convinced I'm bad person. She accuses me of not going to appointments even when I Facetime her sitting beside the doctor. It amazes me to this day that no one could see her true colors. She is so good its downright dangerous.
I spent Christmas this year completely alone. She had her family and the usual flock of buzzards, hang arounds. By now I was getting the stretches of silent treatment. I was at my lowest of lows, Isolated, alone, lonely .......going down a dark road real fast. Same pattern of discard bring you back discard. I didn't even know who i was anymore by this point i was losing weight. I could hear the people whispering. She was killing me from the inside.
One thing finally happened that I'll never forget as long as I live. Her birthday had come aroud and since my narc conviently found a reasson as to why I couldn't come I begged for her to take the presents I had gottten with her. She put them in her car and drove away. I didnt think about it again until a week /later, I walking out the back door at work and here she is, at the dumpsters throwing the still wrapped birthday presents. I ask her what the hell? you didnt give them to her? What the hell ? WTF?? The answer I got as she looked me dead in the eyes sent a cold chill down my spine.
"I didn't give her the presents because I figured you would try to take em back just to hurt her." Stunned I muttered with what I am now sure was a face full of shock and disgust..."Honey she is 5 years old." I truly shocked me that a human would think of such a horrible scenario.
​
I didnt speak to my narc for a couple days after that. Another week, another brand new hot shot therapist looking for save the world. I have never been comfortable with the idea of therapy, I have too much man macho I guess. Its just always kinda been taboo. Nevertheless I finshed jabbering and she immediatly reaches in her desk and passed me a little pamplet. "Read this" she says. I look down -"What is a narcissist and are you in a relationship with one? By the time i finshed reading it, I was straight ugly crying on her floor. It felt like a MAC truck hit me square in the sternum. I was devestated. Literllaly every single bullet point I could point at and say yes. Its like hamy narc had this pamplet memorized and was running it like a well oiled machine. It finally was all making sense. Maybe Im not a horrible person after all?
I began to distance myself from her at this point and she went the tried and true method of total discard which inevidebly turned into full blown lovebombing which would lead to a steamy night together which she would then sabatoge. Rinse, wash repeat. The first trip back home she took I never could get a answer as to why i was ignored all weekend, she made me ignore her how dare you ask forget it happened. Same ol bs. Whch brings us back to today where this story began. I finally concluded that this is how every relanship my narc has ever had has been like this. Alll family turmoil ....it all made even more sense. Her lies have become near constant and I realized the first thing she ever said to me was a lie. Not only do I think I'm begginning understand what she is and what I became to her, I think she could be one of most dangerous kinds of these individuals the world has ever seen. She is still somewhat popular, nobody around her would ever have a clue. But I can see through it now. And she will never change because I have finally accepted the fact that she psychsilly cannot change. Her brain cant evem acklowdge things like being wrong. It breaks my heart that i feel so in love with someone who is incabple of love and thats when I realized I have to walk away.
This ended up being way more than I expected but once i started typing it just kept flowing out. I guess her spidey sense must have gone off because within the last hour she has began sending me messages on social media. Not her phone no but social media.
I replied simply are you going to ignore the elephant sitting over there?
​
​
She replies "What are you talking about?"
-
She cannot change.
​
I think I will struggle with this past year and a half for the rest of my life. This was something I was totally unprepared for. I think I can see light glimmering on the horizon and I feel grateful to understand what actually happened and I could have very easily given up, succumbed in, but I survived it.
It is what people like us do. We pick up the pieces, dust the dirt off and keep going.
Yesterday was yesterday
Tomorrow is a brand new sun.
​
Also one last thing.....if your ever feeling down or sorry for yourself give u/StickFigure a listen. I don't think I'd be here if weren't for his music. He literally saved me life.
​
​
Ramble over good night

*🔪 Credits for Chapter 20 Maintenance ⚔️ *

• War Hero Fen Review: <@767775211977179166>
• Chapter 20 Farmable Review: <@588011807646416907>
• Summoners Road "Guide": <@210587485237936129>

_ _
Rayas, were you worried about my well-being? Oh, I was … training.
War Hero Fen
Earth, Human

**STATS** HP - 7843 +1414 ATK - 3289 +648 DEF - 3162 +600 _ _
SKILL 12s CT - 2300% Earth DMG (PHY). Increase own Arts by 50. 300 BREAK ～～～ Artgen on skill, tremendously useful for self-sustainability. 50 unconditional arts is huge, and helps War Hero Fen cycle his various arts easily when paired with a Primary Artsgen unit such as Hart, Emperor, or Juno.
ARTS 26000% Earth DMG (PHY). For 20s, increase Allies' accuracy and Equipment CT REC by 40%. 1300 BREAK ～～～ It cannot be stated how useful EQCT buffs are, enabling full uptime on certain defense equips and helping artgen equips reset faster. Furthermore, it is also accompanied by a 40% accuracy buff, which is somewhat useful as several bosses have evasion.
TRUE ARTS 60000% Earth DMG (PHY). Increase own Super Critical Rate by 20% during this Super Arts. For 20s, increase Allies' Arts by 4/s and Critical Rate by 100%. 1800 BREAK This unit's Arts Gen is Type A and will not stack with other Type A Arts Gen. ～～～ Teamwide crit along with unconditional artgen that stacks with most other units, something that is fairly rare so far, allowing players to slot in DPS units that previously lacked Crit Rate. And a decent TA multiplier as well. 20% super critical rate is a nice added touch, it cannot be too relied upon because of its aleatory nature but it helps buff War Hero Fen’s TA damage output.
SUPER ARTS 160000% Earth DMG (PHY). Increase own Super Critical Rate by 40% and Critical Rate by 100% during this Super True Arts. For 40s, increase own ATK by 100%. 2600 BREAK ～～～ Ridiculously high DPS coupled with a 40% supercritical rate and a long-lasting ATK buff. Outdamages virtually anything else in the game unless the boss has critical resistance, in which case it still deals appreciable damage simply due to how high the multiplier is.

*Super Crits deal 3x damage compared to Crit’s 1.25x. _ _

ABILITIES

- When self is Leader, at the start of a Quest, increase Allies' DMG RES by 30% for 45s. Does not stack with Abilities of the same name. ～～～ 30% free DMG RES that is available from the start of the quest with no other effort needed that having War Hero Fen as leader. Most quests will not last the 45s duration with him on board, and for those that do, it gives ample time to set up proper defenses. Note that if cresting other units with him on the team, he will not be able to be leader.
At the start of a Quest, increase Allies' Arts by 50. Does not stack with Abilities of the same name. ～～～ Helps kickstart team arts, whether in a sustain or nuke scenario. Note that this passive does not stack with Dark Fen’s, but does stack with Forte/Draken/NY Milim’s.
Increase Allies' DMG to Enemies with 50% or less HP by 30%. Does not stack with Abilities of the same name. ～～～ Helps everyone finish off enemies faster, especially at low hp when they tend to be most dangerous. _ _

MATERIALS

x1 Fragment of Wilkes x2 Fragment of Flogassa x220 Smogdragon Soulgems _ _

SLOTS

Newer players are considered to be those who joined during Chapter 20 release and onwards.

6☆ <:lbphys:650796348194422823>

Newer Players
Relic “Radeus” ["Glowing Dragon" (Fosradius) Giant Boss Farmable] True “IZANAGI” [Sakura Mira True Weapon] Natsu’s Scarf [Fairy Tail Collab Farmable]
Optimal
True “Ouen” [Airi True Weapon] Debuffing Equipment such as Rishleys Sunset Bikini, True “Dark Bringer”, or True “Shooting Star” Aikuro’s Dotonbori Robo [Kill La Kill Collab Equip Banner] Rem’s Morningstar [Re-Zero Collab Farmable] Izumi no Kami Kanesada [Golden Kamuy Collab Equip Banner]
～～～ Airi’s True Weapon enables ridiculous bursts of damage while offering a passive 20% Phy DMG buff, and consequently is great for both nuking and sustain. Otherwise, using an artgen equip to bring War Hero Fen to 300 arts faster also works. Note that there are few 6-star physical equips that are worth at the moment so there is no rush to unlock the 6-star slot.

5☆ <:lbsupp:650797466354057228>

Newer Players
True “Euthanasia” [WarHero Fen True Weapon] Magisteel-Toe Boots [Phantom Snipers pt.1 (Hart) Side Story Farmable] Lesser Demonheart [Valzandeth Giant Boss Farmable]
Optimal
True “Euthanasia” [WarHero Fen True Weapon] Any strong teamwide artgen equip (e.g. Melty’s Dress, Fight Club Goku Uniform, Aqua Heartia, Milim’s Clothes, Mikey’s Jimbei, etc.) True “EX Gate” [Leone True Weapon]
Geshpenst Type-0 [Ragsherum Event Farmable] Astral Robe “Axis” [Knights of Blood pt.7 (Leone) Side Story Farmable]
～～～ Fill this slot with the best artgen equip at your disposal, or Geshpenst Type-0/Axis for nuking.

4☆ <:lbsupp:650797466354057228>

Newer Players
Divine Green Staff “Keion” [General Equipment Banner] Blood Crest ”Arc Ignite” [Knights of Blood pt.1 (Berwick) Side Story Farmable]
Optimal
Fen’s Aloha Shorts” [Summer Seasonal Equip Banner] Blood Crest ”Arc Ignite” [Knights of Blood pt.1 (Berwick) Side Story Farmable] Groitz Groovy Shorts [Summer 2022 Equipment Banners]
Holy Necklace “Dignified Silence” [Palamicia Mines Farmable]
～～～ Bring artgen, preferably teamwide. Dignified Silence can work for nukes.

4☆ <:lbdef:650797237286338589>

Optimal
Boss-dependent
～～～ It is not recommended for new players to LB7 War Hero Fen. For veterans who opt to do so, bring a defense equip in accordance to the boss’ element or damage type. _ _
True Weapon - True “Euthanasia”
5☆ <:lbsupp:650797466354057228>

SKILL 30s CT - Increase Allies' Arts by 25. For 15s, increase Human Allies' DMG by 40%. ～～～ Decent instant artgen with a good arts/s rate coupled with a DMG buff for humans. It is a nice option as a permanently available teamwide artgen equip, but ultimately it is replaceable by any other teamwide artgen equip.
ABILITIES When equipped by War Hero Fen, increase own Skill CT REC and Arts DMG by 20%. ～～～ Mild damage buff passive, along with a skill CT buff which will help a bit with artgen from skill.

Increase DMG to Human enemies by 10%. ～～～ A small DMG buff against Human enemies. _ _

Overall Impressions

Arguably the best unit in the game alongside Emperor Isliid, War Hero Fen does virtually everything except healing. While his arts/s output is not as high as some other units, he has a rare artsgen type (type A) that enables him to stack arts with most units, and he will outright have every unit start with 50 arts. He offers accuracy, EQCT and crit buffs, some teamwide DMG RES when leader, and he can also deal ridiculously high damage on top. War Hero Fen is thus an extremely versatile and self-sufficient unit who can fit well on virtually any team. Being able to use three different arts also makes him a much less linear unit than some of the older awakened units who too often spam the same arts over and over again. War Hero Fen breaks this trend, and proper arts cycling will prove invaluable to extract his full potential. Note that while the defense slot is a nice addition, the scarcity of Expert Limit Break Stones makes it so that other future units may be preferable to limit break beyond the standard LB5.
_ _
Main Story Chapter 20 Farmable Equipment Reviews

Einweiser

*4☆ <:lbdef:650797237286338589> *
HP - 0 ATK - 0 DEF - 120
30s CT - For 10s, Increase allies' DMG RES by 20%. If the user is Earth; Additionally, for 10s, increase all allies' Poison RES by 100%. - HP Recovery Amount 5% Up ～～～ Great defense equip with the same amount of DMG Res as Siegel, with slightly better uptime and cooldown. The conditional poison Res is also a nice addition though not as commonly needed. Worse than Siegel on taunt tanks for physical DMG dealing bosses due to Siegel's passive though.
Farm 1-2 to MLB at least.
Majestic Advent - Should You Pull?

Units

Yes, everybody should do the guaranteed multi.

Equips

There are a quite a few strong equipment on this banner, with War Hero Fen and Sanstone's TWs being two amazing option. While not quite as good, Groitz's physical equip and the two other Fens TWs are also decent equips to pick up. Do your guaranteed if you have a surplus of crystals

Whales

If you need to look here, then you're not a whale.

Alchemy Stones

War Hero Fen is debatably the best unit in the game, this is the best place to dump the alch that you've been saving for months now. It is advised to use your alch before going for pity as alch is more expendable than crystals. If you don't pull War Hero Fen from the guaranteed multi/want to possibly save your pity for the future, throw your alch.

Current business. - One of the best addiction treatment centers in CA. Best in the Silicon Valley (we have several decent competitors in Marin County and then the rest of the competiton is in Malibu)
Small. High End. 6 bed residential/inpatient + 30 seat outpatient. ~30 fte employees/contractors. 6m/y rev.
INITIAL PROBLEM: Vast majority (95%) of people calling us we can not service at our current pricepoint/location and we refer out. Even rather decent insurance policies. Insurance wise - Out of Network. We primariy can only accept PPO policies from people working for Big Tech.
SOLUTION: Open quite a bit larger, cheaper to run per bed, facility while providing great clincal care. ~30-40 bed. This been on my plate for a while. So in preparation I secured decent in-network contracts to fill the beds once it opens. This would at worst 3x revenue.
COMPETITION: Larger facilities, even in the immediate area in the exist. I humbly believe that we can run circles around them as far as good clinical services and still make money. I have spoken to several owners. My idea of quality that people in recovery deserve is a level or two higher.
Paths to getting a 30 bed going
1) Buy an apartment building and convert it. ~4-6 m if in San Jose area. - Hard to get SBA loan (they dont like RE) to do this as a conversion requires conditional use permit. Plus I would prefer it to be "nicer" than your run of the mill apt with 11-15 units, even nicely converted.
2) Buy a motel/hotel and convert it. SBA allows around 5m, but one of the hotels that I like is around 7m. Another around 9m.
Last I spoke with SBA lender they were more interested in me finding an already running "larger addiction treatment center" to take over. But for me the "treatment center" part is nearly irrelevant. Most sell without RE.
What are some creative ways to look for this financing that is larger in size than SBA 504?
Thank you

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy

EMDR Therapy

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy method. EMDR treats mental health conditions that happen because of memories from traumatic events in your past. It’s best known for its role in treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but its use is expanding to include treatment of many other conditions.

• ​
• Appointments & Locations
• Request an Appointment
  
• Procedure Details
  
• Risks / Benefits
  
• Recovery and Outlook
  
• When to Call the Doctor
  

Overview

What is EMDR therapy?

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a mental health treatment technique. This method involves moving your eyes a specific way while you process traumatic memories. EMDR’s goal is to help you heal from trauma or other distressing life experiences. Compared to other therapy methods, EMDR is relatively new. The first clinical trial investigating EMDR was in 1989. Dozens of clinical trials since EMDR’s development show this technique is effective and can help a person faster than many other methods.

Who needs to have EMDR therapy?

EMDR can help people with a wide range of mental health conditions. Adolescents, teenagers and adults of all ages can benefit from this treatment. Some healthcare providers also specialize in EMDR for children.

Why is this treatment used?

EMDR therapy doesn’t require talking in detail about a distressing issue. EMDR instead focuses on changing the emotions, thoughts or behaviors that result from a distressing experience (trauma). This allows your brain to resume a natural healing process. While many people use the words “mind” and “brain” when referring to the same thing, they’re actually different. Your brain is an organ of your body. Your mind is the collection of thoughts, memories, beliefs and experiences that make you who you are.
The way your mind works relies on the structure of your brain. That structure involves networks of communicating brain cells across many different areas. That’s especially the case with sections that involve your memories and senses. That networking makes it faster and easier for those areas to work together. That’s why your senses — sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feels — can bring back strong memories.

Adaptive Information Processing

EMDR relies on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model, a theory about how your brain stores memories. This theory, developed by Francine Shapiro, PhD, who also developed EMDR, recognizes that your brain stores normal and traumatic memories differently.
During normal events, your brain stores memories smoothly. It also networks them, so they connect to other things you remember. During disturbing or upsetting events, that networking doesn’t happen correctly. The brain can go “offline” and there’s a disconnect between what you experience (feel, hear, see) and what your brain stores in memory through language.
Often, your brain stores trauma memories in a way that doesn’t allow for healthy healing. Trauma is like a wound that your brain hasn’t been allowed to heal. Because it didn’t have the chance to heal, your brain didn’t receive the message that the danger is over.
Newer experiences can link up to earlier trauma experiences and reinforce a negative experience over and over again. That disrupts the links between your senses and memories. It also acts as an injury to your mind. And just like your body is sensitive to pain from an injury, your mind has a higher sensitivity to things you saw, heard, smelled or felt during a trauma-related event.
This happens not only with events you can remember, but also with suppressed memories. Much like how you learn not to touch a hot stove because it burns your hand, your mind tries to suppress memories to avoid accessing them because they’re painful or upsetting. However, the suppression isn’t perfect, meaning the “injury” can still cause negative symptoms, emotions and behaviors.

Triggers

Sights, sounds and smells with a connection or similarity to a trauma event will “trigger” those improperly stored memories. Unlike other memories, these can cause overwhelming feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or panic.
An example of this is a post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, flashback, where improper storage and networking causes your mind to access those memories in a way that’s uncontrolled, distorted and overpowering. That’s why people with a history of flashbacks describe feeling as if they were reliving a disturbing event. The past becomes the present.

Reprocessing and repair

When you undergo EMDR, you access memories of a trauma event in very specific ways. Combined with eye movements and guided instructions, accessing those memories helps you reprocess what you remember from the negative event.
That reprocessing helps “repair” the mental injury from that memory. Remembering what happened to you will no longer feel like reliving it, and the related feelings will be much more manageable.

What conditions and problems does EMDR treat?

The most widespread use of EMDR is for treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Mental healthcare providers also use it in the treatment of the following conditions:
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• Anxiety disorders: Generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, phobias and social anxiety/phobia.
• Depression disorders: Major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder and illness-related depression.
• Dissociative disorders: Dissociative identity disorder or amnesia and depersonalization or derealization disorder.
• Eating disorders: Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder.
• Gender dysphoria (feeling as though your gender is different from the one assigned to you at birth).
• Obsessive-compulsive disorders: Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), body dysmorphic disorder and hoarding disorder.
• Personality disorders: Borderline personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder.
• Trauma disorders: Acute stress disorder, PTSD and adjustment disorder.

How common is EMDR therapy?

EMDR therapy is very common around the world. In the United States, the Department of Veterans Affairs and Department of Defense list EMDR as a “best practice” in treating veterans experiencing PTSD. Research on EMDR includes dozens of clinical trials, research studies and academic papers. It has official approval from the World Health Organization (WHO) and government organizations and agencies in the United Kingdom, Australia and Germany, among others.

Is EMDR controversial?

There’s some controversy surrounding why EMDR works. The creator of EMDR, Dr. Francine Shapiro, later developed a working theory about how your brain stores memories after accidentally discovering the eye movement technique she later used to create this therapy technique.
However, that controversy doesn’t extend to whether or not EMDR does work. Dozens of controlled trials and research studies have analyzed EMDR and shown that it’s effective.
​

Procedure Details

What does EMDR therapy involve?

EMDR therapy consists of eight phases. These phases occur over multiple sessions, with one session sometimes using parts of several phases. An example of this would be how phases 1 and 2 typically happen only in early sessions, while phases 3 through 8 are part of multiple sessions later.
For a single disturbing event or memory, it usually takes between three and six sessions. More complex or longer-term traumas may take eight to 12 sessions (or sometimes more). Sessions usually last between an hour and 90 minutes. The eight phases are:
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1. Patient history and information gathering. This part of the process involves your healthcare provider gathering information about you and your past. This helps them determine if EMDR is likely to help you. It also includes asking about upsetting or disturbing events and memories that you want your therapy to focus on, as well as your goals for this therapy.
2. Preparation and education. During this phase, your healthcare provider will talk to you about what will happen during EMDR sessions and what you can expect. They’ll also talk to you about things to focus on to help you feel more stable and safe during sessions. They’ll provide you with tools to help you manage your emotions.
3. Assessment. This part of the process is where your healthcare provider helps you identify themes and specific memories that you may want to work on during reprocessing. They’ll help you identify both negative beliefs about how the trauma has made you feel, as well as positive beliefs that you would like to believe about yourself going forward.
4. Desensitization and reprocessing. During this phase, your healthcare provider activates your memory by helping you identify one or more specific negative images, thoughts, feelings and body sensations. Throughout the reprocessing, they’ll help you notice how you feel and any new thoughts or insight you have about what you’re experiencing.
5. Installation. During this phase, your healthcare provider will have you focus on the positive belief you want to build in as you process a memory. This positive belief can be what you said in phase 3 or something new you think of during phase 4.
6. Body scan. Your healthcare provider will have you focus on how you feel in your body, especially any of the symptoms you feel when you think about or experience the negative memory. This phase helps identify your progress through EMDR therapy overall. As you go through sessions, your symptoms should decrease until you don’t have any (or as close to none as possible). Once your symptoms are gone, your reprocessing is complete.
7. Closure and stabilization. This phase forms a bridge between later sessions. During this phase, your healthcare provider will talk to you about what you should expect between sessions. They’ll also talk to you about how to stabilize yourself, especially if you have negative thoughts or feelings during the time between sessions. They won’t end a session until you feel calmer and safe. They might also ask you to write down any new thoughts you have about the disturbing event(s), so you can bring them up at your next session.
8. Reevaluation and continuing care. The final phase of EMDR therapy involves your healthcare provider going over your progress and how you’re doing now. This can help determine if you need additional sessions or how to adjust your goals and expectations for your therapy. They’ll also help you explore what you might experience in the future — how you would like to handle things at that time, knowing what you know now, about yourself and your past trauma.

Sense activation during phase 4

In the early years of EMDR, stimulating a single sense on both sides of your body usually involved your vision. Healthcare providers would hold up a hand with two fingers extended and have you follow the tip of their finger from side to side with your eyes only.
Newer methods for EMDR can involve your vision, such as with specialized light devices. These have a moving light that you follow with your eyes in place of your healthcare provider’s hand. Other devices might use sound, where speakers on either side of your body play tones. Healthcare providers might also use your sense of touch (if you’re comfortable with this), tapping on your hands, arms or thighs to activate your sense of touch on both sides of your body, or holding a device that pulses in your hands.
​

Risks / Benefits

What are the advantages and disadvantages of EMDR?

EMDR has several advantages.
​

• It works. Dozens of studies have found that EMDR is effective.
• It tends to work faster than other forms of therapy. People receiving EMDR typically start seeing results much sooner than with other forms of therapy.
• It involves less homework. Other forms of therapy typically involve journaling or other types of homework outside of your sessions. EMDR usually involves only writing down any thoughts or ideas you want to bring up at your next session (if and when those thoughts happen).
• It’s usually less stressful. EMDR focuses on processing and moving past your trauma. Other methods involve having you describe and even relive negative events.

Disadvantages

EMDR does have some drawbacks compared to other forms of therapy.
​

• It only works with conditions related to traumatic experiences. If you have a mental health condition because of an inherited condition, an injury or other physical effect on your brain, EMDR is unlikely to help.
• Why it works is still theoretical. EMDR was an accidental discovery. Experts still can't fully explain why it works, despite the evidence that it works.
• It’s a new method. EMDR’s creation happened in 1989, while other forms of therapy have been in use for much longer. More research is necessary before experts know if EMDR is a long-term solution or if people need additional therapy years or decades later.

What are the risks or complications of this procedure?

EMDR has very low risks. The most common negative effects are negative thoughts or feelings between sessions. Your healthcare provider can help you understand what to expect with these and how you can react to them.
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https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22641-emdr-therapy
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9500 Euclid Avenue, Cleveland, Ohio 44195

The following is on Pete Walker's website:
I am often saddened when I hear adult children parrot the "conventional wisdom" that it is bad to feel sorry for yourself. This so-called wisdom shames people out of normal, healthy, self-pity. Everyone needs to occasionally feel sorry for themselves. Tears for the self are some of the most potently healing experiences of recovery. Self-pity, in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact, is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling sorry for the self.
Self-pity in balanced moderation is the miraculously releasing gift of "self-sorrowing". Self-sorrowing is one of the most beautiful and restorative of emotional experiences. There is nothing in the world more centering than a good unabashed cry about one's troubles. Nothing dissolves the awful abandonment pain of the inner child like a good cry for the self. This is especially true when the adult child imagines himself back in the past tenderly comforting his crying inner child.
Self-pity is only dysfunctional when it is excessive. This is sometimes seen in people who spend extreme amounts of time feeling sorry for themselves. Although long periods of self-pity can be healthy in some phases of recovery, it is possible to get stuck in and addicted to self-pity. This is sometimes the case with the long term recoveree who does nothing effective to recover the losses of her childhood. She may become so disempoweringly lost in self-pity that she never acts to change abusive or neglectful situations. This kind of excessive self-pity usually looks so dysfunctional that it may even alienate others from healthy and moderate self-pity in an all-or-none kind of way. Self-pity, however, is not a black and white issue. We do not need to throw out the baby of self-compassion with the bathwater of excessive self-pity.
Crying for the self is especially therapeutic when old pain resurfaces from unresolved childhood traumas. The average dysfunctional family leaves its survivors with lifelong tendencies to flashback on some occasions into shame, fear and emptiness. Unashamed crying can often resolve and work through the pain of such experiences.
It is a sad statement about our culture that we have no positive term for the healthy side of self-pity. We are praised as compassionate when we feel sorry for others, but there is no corresponding term for feeling sorry for ourselves! Little wonder we are so codependent. Society's taboo against self-pity offers us no choice but to limit our compassion to caring only about the pain of others.
We need to resist those who toxically shame us for being on the "pity pot" whenever we express normal sadness about our painful life experiences. This is true whether they are past or present. Our recovery can only be aided by the rejection of this pervasive social indoctrination against self-pity. We must refuse to accept the nonsense that it is good to feel sorry for others, but not for ourselves. We must strive to reclaim for ourselves the potent healing tool of sometimes feeling sorry (sorrow) for ourselves.
Unfortunately, the right and need to feel sorrow for ourselves can be very difficult to recover. Most of us have been thoroughly brainwashed against self-compassion by our parents and the wider society. Many of us also had this shaming of self-compassion reinforced by the religion that we were raised in. Consequently, many survivors have come to believe that self-pity is some awful sin, rather than the precious gift that it is. Some adult children may be helped to reclaim their self-compassion by remembering that even Jesus felt sorry for himself. He modeled the positive side of self-pity when he wept in the Garden and on the Cross.
Unless the survivor of the dysfunctional family feels unashamed sorrow for the child she was, she will never really understand the magnitude of what she lost. Crying for the inner child and her losses from poor parenting often spontaneously awakens a heart-felt desire to compassionately re-mother her.
Tears of self-compassion can also motivate our efforts to give our inner children the unconditional love that they so eminently deserve. . . that was so unfairly withheld from them. Tears for the child can also spontaneously awaken a desire to champion and re-father our inner children - to protest unfair treatment and to protect them from abuse.
Compassionate crying for the self can also create deep, bodily-based feelings of peace and relaxation. Balanced self-sorrowing often fosters a miraculous rebirth of the heart from the death of the obsessing mind.
Healthy self-pity increases an individual's experience of being heart-centered. As such, it often nurtures an inner softening that attracts real experiences of human love. As much as I can welcome myself in my sadness, that much can I thoroughly welcome and receive another.
Most of us must fight very hard to recover the right to self-sorrow. This hard-won right will hopefully never be given up or outgrown. We must always have a special place in our hearts for feeling sorry for ourselves.
________
Now. Oh boy. There's a lot here.
This is all coming at me so hard and fast right now, especially as I claw my way out of collapse and am becoming more self-aware. I'm going to need some help on this one.
I know self-pity and self-compassion are ostensibly very different. But, are they? And if so, how? (I know some of the differences already, but I would like to hear your thoughts).
Can one show himself self-compassion by allowing himself a certain allotment of self-pity to grieve over his circumstances? Especially if they are completely overwhelming, such as in a case of collapse that gives rise to self-awareness?
But what if the collapse is caused explicitly by the acknowledgement of one's own misdeeds, betrayals, abuses--the acknowledgement that he has acted very self-pityingly in the past, but he was NOT the victim here?
But at the same time, coming to a reality-shattering realization like this-- well you guys know what it's like, at least those of you that somehow survived. There HAS to be room for self-sorrow.
How does one balance self-compassion and responsibility? Where might self pity fall in here? Can the poison also be the medicine?

Welcome to HamptonRoadsVAHousing! Our subreddit gets a lot of questions about relocating to the area, so be sure to search the subreddit to see if your specific questions have already been answered.
Here's a quick list of the top tips and most frequently repeated advice about moving to the Norfolk/Virginia Beach area:
Live on the same side of the water as you work. Our many bridges, tunnels and bridge-tunnels frequently experience heavy traffic volume and become chokepoints even on days without incidents or accidents. Commuting from the Southside (Norfolk/Virginia Beach) to the Peninsula (Hampton, Newport News, Williamsburg) and vice versa is not recommended. Additionally, many water crossings are now or will eventually be tolled. Get an EZ-Pass to pay the lowest rate.
This area floods. Look at FEMA flood maps for the area you want to move to and be aware of possibly needing flood insurance. Similarly, our area occasionally experiences hurricanes. Know your Evacuation Zone and learn more about Hurricane Preparations. Hampton Roads has a lot to offer. Obviously there is the beach. But there is also a surprisingly good and growing food & craft beer scene. A great many museums and activities. And an easy drive to the mountains and other major cities. Career wise the medical center is growing year over year, and is only expected to continue expanding into a major hub for the region. Norfolk offers a slightly more urban feel, with lots of great food joints and cultural amenities, all while being walking and bike friendly. Virginia Beach is more suburban in feel, and has a large amount of great neighborhoods at a decent price not too far from the beach. Chesapeake is even more suburban, but more affordable. Suffolk is growing, but still by all rights could be considered mostly rural. (credit to u/Here4thebeer3232)
Check crime reports. Crime can happen anywhere but some areas see more reported incidents than others. Great areas can be adjacent to bad neighborhoods, sometimes separated only by a road or a few blocks. When buying or renting a residence, try to visit the area at different times of day and strike up conversations with locals to get a feel for the location. Use Norfolk's Crime Mapping tool to view crime reports and statistics.
Norfolk Neighborhoods of Note
Chelsea/West Ghent: Small former industrial area that is now home to 2 top tier Breweries and is a central part of the Elizabeth River Bike Trail. Has a growing culinary scene. Limited residential options.
Colonial Place: Upscale residential neighborhood with waterside access. Flooding is a concern in this area, but neighborhoods are family friendly and homes are gorgeous.
Downtown: the urban center of our region. Growing residential population to match established barestaurant, entertainment and financial scenes.
East Beach: Newly constructed high end beach condos right on the Chesapeake Bay. Has abundant docking for boats, fishing holes, and beach access. A more quiet and older community.
Fort Norfolk: Growing area adjacent to EVMS and Sentara Medical Center. The unofficial midtown of Norfolk, that is slowly becoming a part of the city skyline. Floods often.
Freemason: straight-laced & upscale enclave adjacent to downtown and built around cobblestone streets.
Ghent: trendy, historic and filled to the brim with character, culture and delicious cuisine. The neighborhood’s main thoroughfare, Colley Avenue, and adjacent 21st and 22nd streets are lined with eclectic eateries, unique shops, art galleries and antique stores.
Larchmont: High end homes in a family friendly neighborhood. Adjacent to ODU, but without the noise, Larchmont is home to incredible homes in a very green and quiet part of the city. Also has waterside access. Oceanview: Affordable community right on the beach. Still considered more working class, it is slowly looking to compete with the Virginia Beach Oceanfront as a tourist attraction. Home to the Bold Mariner Brewery and Jessy's Taqueria
NEON District: Growing Arts district, adjacent to downtown. Home to a variety of arts shops and artisan restaurants, as well as the Chrysler Museum of Art and the Harrison Opera house.
Park Place: Park Place is a historic neighborhood centrally located to the north of Downtown Norfolk. Park Place offers multimodal access to health and fitness facilities, dining, coffee shops, retail, visual art, live music, and community for people from all walks of life. This historic residential neighborhood is a diverse and inclusive community, and is comprised of a mix of single detached houses, condos, luxury, market rate, and affordable rentals homes and apartments. Located between 23rd street and 38th street, and between Granby street on the east, and Colley ave on the west, the Park Place area neighborhood includes two business districts, the 35th Street Business District and the Railroad District, and is walkable to the North Colley, Ghent, and Riverview business districts.
Railroad District: Rapidly growing former warehouse district located between Ghent and Park place. Home to the majority of Breweries in the city. While could be considered gentrified, is still home to novel cultural centers such as 757 Makerspace and Nomads Clothing Exchange.
Riverview: Immediately adjacent to the Norfolk Zoo and
Lafayette park. With waterside access and a small commercial corridor, Riverview is a good area for all ages. Also home to MJs Tavern, the largest LGBT bar in the metropolitan area.
St Paul's District: Under construction
West Ocean View: Turns into a parking lot for HRBT traffic every time the base lets out.
Willoughby Spit: Quiet residential sandbar. Remains somewhat isolated from HRBT traffic, but offers a commanding presence along the Chesapeake Bay.
VirginiaBeach Neighborhoods of Note
Chesapeake/Chic's Beach: "locals only" beachside community.
Oceanfront: touristy stretch of beach + boardwalk, hotels, and trinket shops.
Town Center: VB's Central Business District including Pembroke Mall and other high-end shopping, dining, and entertainment.

Join the Fort Worth discord to connect w/other folks in FW, chat & check out different meet ups: https://discord.com/invite/9KUdWdQVdJ
Thought this post would be the first w/o the PSA, but need to include it again: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Early voting begins May 30th-June 6th for the Sat, June 10 runoff election. The ballot will include District 11 City Council member, District 5 Fort Worth ISD school board member, and District 4 TCC trustee.
[Tuesday May 30th]
Gymnastics - Level 1 3:30 p.m. Southwest Community Center $20-$65 Kids ages 5-18 can learn basic skills in a well-structured class.
Free Yoga Burnett Park 5:30-6:15PM bring your own mat
Silent Book Club 6:30-8PM Hotel Dryce free Silent Book Club
Geeks Who Drink T&P Tavern 7:30PM
Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night University Pub FW 8-10PM
Trig44 presents Trig Tuesday ft. Dalton Torres, Taylor Ochs, Matt Gumley Tulips FW doors 7, show 8PM
[Wednesday May 31st]
Martin House Brewing Company new permanent food truck, The Barley Gastrovan, serves options like wagyu burgers, confit pork wings, & cheese curds Operated by the owners of Rye in McKinney, the food truck’s open Wed-Sun
“Lucas before Luke” 7-10:30 p.m. The Stage West Theatre Free Join the FW Film Club’s monthly screening party
Nature Hike 10-11:30 a.m. Nature Center, 9601 Fossil Ridge Rd. $5 Take in the beauty of the Texas countryside during this morning hike surrounded by blooming flowers.
Lunchtime Music Series Burnett Park 12-1PM Grab your lunch & enjoy the beautiful weather paired w/local artists
We Run Wednesday’s The trailhead at clearfork 6:30-8PM
Fort Worth Film Club May Signature Screening: Lucas before Luke The Stage West Theatre 7-10:30PM
No Pressure w/ Koyo, Illusion, & Fleshwater Tulips No Pressure, Koyo, Illusion, Fleshwater Tulips FW 7PM
Tekken 7 weekly meet 6-11PM, 21+ after 8PM Electric Starship Arcade $10 for the night/ $20 monthly pass Can bring your own wired controllefight stick or they’ll have some for public use If enough people, casual tournament bracket @ 9
BettySoo and Pat Byrne The Post at River East 8PM An intimate acoustic performance $20+
[Thursday Jun 1st]
Family Camp 6-9 p.m. $45-$200 Bring kids ages 8+ to learn how to make a glass vase, suncatcher, and daisy.
Happy HouCrazy Crowler Sale 4-9PM Salsa Dance Lessons 7-8PM Neutral Ground Brewing Company
Erick Willis LIVE Rusty Nickel IceHouse 6PM $10+
Summer Menu Tasting Taste Community Restaurant 6-8PM
Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra’s Concerts in the Garden Festival Gates open 6:30 p.m. start 8:30 p.m. Preservation Hall Jazz Band
Greater Tuna Downtown Cowtown at the Isis June 1-3 8PM 2-man comedy show
Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night HopFusion Ale Works 8-10PM
Crimson Wine Tasting at Neighbor’s House Grocery complimentary wine tasting for sipping & shopping. Guests get to try 4 different wines from Napa’s Crimson Wine Group Drop by anytime 4:30-6:30 pm
[Friday Jun 2nd]
First Fri-YAY All day Fort Worth Bike Sharing Stations Free Explore the city on wheels with a free bike rental courtesy of Fort Worth Bike Sharing and the Blue Zones Project — promo code “92020APP.”
Kimbell Happy Hour Kimbell Art Museum’s weekend happy hour 5-7 pm beverages & bites w/live music by the Allegro Guitar Society.
National Donut Day TX Whiskey 6 p.m. a donut + cocktail pairing, burgers, live music, on-site engraving, & a donut hole bar $35
FWSO’s Concerts in the Gardenl Gates open 6:30 p.m. start 8:30 p.m. Radio Highway Performs the Music of the Eagles *The orchestra does not perform on this concert.
Locals Only Hip Hop Haltom Theater 7-11PM
Live Music on the Plaza, Sundance Square 7-10PM every Fri-Sun
Dial Up - A 90's Party Experience Dial Up Tulips FW 8PM $15
Rhett Miller Tannahill's Tavern & Music Hall 8PM $28+
D.L. Hughley Arlington Improv Jun 2-4 times vary
That Texas Meskin Tour - THAT MEXICAN OT Ridglea Theater $40+
Special E.D w\ Dude-Man & MORE Doors 7:00pm, Start 8:00pm Lola's Fort Worth
[Saturday Jun 3rd]
Drag with Me! The Show: Brunch Located upstairs at The Red Goose Saloon the ONLY interactive Drag Show of its kind: 2 audience members will be selected each show to be transformed into a Drag Queen themselves, lip sync battle, & win their very own Drag with Me! Crown! Ticket price inc Meal & Show! 18+
FWSO’s Concerts in the Gardenl Gates open 6:30 p.m. start 8:30 p.m. Chicago Nights featuring Jason Scheff
Zumba Sundance Square Plaza 9:45am - 11:00am
Goat Yoga Bedford! Generations Park at Boyd Ranch 10-11AM $20+
Catalina Canned Wine Mixer Truck Yard Alliance 12PM themed after the movie Step Brothers. Wear your best tuxedo t-shirt for a wine tasting, photo ops, food trucks, & a Step Brothers cover band. Admission is free, but a $15 wine tasting is offered 7-9 pm, ft. six wine samples & a souvenir glass filled w/frose. Costume contests held 5 pm & 10 pm.
Random Direction artist pop up 1-6PM Love Sammy's chef popup 2-7PM Neutral Ground Brewing Company
CyberPunk w/ APT 75 + P!xel Ampersand 5:15-9PM
Miracle Nights Allmo$t Music US Tour Fort Worth Ridglea Theater 6PM
Ill Nino with Through Fire, Dropout Kings and more The Rail Club Live 6:30PM
WOODEYE (One Night Only) w/ Brave Little Howl + Vacation Dad Lola's 8PM $15
FANCY: Queens of Country Party - 21+ Tulips FW 10PM $15+
WOODEYE (One Night Only) w / Brave Little Howl + Vacation Dad Doors 7:00pm, Start 8:00pm Lola's Fort Worth
[Sunday June 4th]
Panther Island Beer Yoga Panther Island Brewing 10:30AM $20
Sunday Supper Club: Courtney Patton and Bri Bagwell The Post at River East 6PM $25+
The Damn Quails Fort Brewery & Pizza 7PM $10
FW Symphony Orchestra’s Concerts in the Gardenl Gates open 6:30 p.m. start 8:30 p.m. Classical Mystery Tour: A Tribute to the Beatles**The orchestra does not perform on this concert
Summer Afternoon Tea at Indulge Enjoy 3 courses inc chicken tarragon sandwiches, roasted vegetable phyllo cups, street corn crostinis, scones w/clotted cream & jam, cream puffs, madeleines, & shortbread cookies. The tea service is $65 & begins at 2 pm.
[Ongoing]
Riders of the Purple Sage Hip Pocket Theatre until June 11 Fridays-Sundays 9PM $10+ Featuring action, adventure, & romance in the wide open spaces, it’s a classic Western of the silent film era
“Lives of the Gods” until Sept. 3 Kimbell Art Museum $14+ Explore the divinity of Mayan art at this exhibition of nearly 100 rarely seen masterpieces & discoveries