Have you ever wanted to get off opiates so badly you'd be willing to do anything?
Summer, 2017. Orange County, California
I park my car in another part of the same neighborhood. I don't bother to check my surroundings. I pick a water bottle up off the floor, get my works ready, and prep an extremely strong shot of furanylfentanyl for myself. My heart is racing, I'm shaking, I'm sweating, I feel sick to my stomach. How is it possible that I feel this sick and terrible so soon after my last shot?
I'm in trouble.
I use the seatbelt to crudely constrict blood flow to my arm. I inject the furanylfentanyl and cap the needle. I open my car door and lean my head towards the opening, in case I have to vomit.
The rush hits too quickly. My heart slows. My muscles relax. My stomach does a backflip. I try to cling to what pleasurable sensations I can, but nausea overwhelms me and an encapsulating weakness dulls the entire experience. I start to salivate, a sure sign that I am about to throw up. I start to feel very dizzy.
"NO!" I scream. "Don't overdose! don't overdose!" I yell, slapping myself in the face. The sudden movement of slapping myself causes my nausea to worsen. I let my head hang over the opening in my car door to the asphalt below.
"Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake," I yell, out loud, to keep me engaged. I hear a dog bark and do my best to look up from the asphalt. There is a woman walking her dog away from me. Did she see me? Does it matter?
If she calls the cops, does it matter? I try to keep watching her as she continues to walk away. Does anything matter? Does anyone even see me? Am I just a ghost, stuck on this hellish plane with my only relief being small chunks of fake feelings that I buy for hundreds of dollars and shoot into my veins, until my body finally breaks down and dies on me?
Something snaps within me.
This has to end – NOW.
Later that night.
"Ok, Bryson sent you here, and he always sends good people, so we can just do all the intake stuff tomorrow. Your bed is upstairs. Hey, Logan!" the chunky, tan, toothless house manager turns and yells towards the living room of my new flophouse, at the two 20-somethings playing Call of Duty on a gigantic HDTV.
"What," one of them snaps, quietly and unenthusiastically, not looking away from the TV. All I can see is the Boston Celtics flat-brim hat that he has on backwards.
"Can you show the new guy here to his bed? It's in your room," the house manager says.
"What? Why is he in my room?" Logan asks, irritation plain in his voice.
"Because I said so," the house manager says, walking towards them now, as if he is going to get in front of the TV and block their view of it.
The kid with the Celtics hat gets up suddenly and starts to walk towards me. He strides past me, not even looking at me.
"Thanks," I say to the house manager, before turning away from him to follow the lazily bobbing Celtics hat upstairs.
"See you tomorrow morning! Don't forget to come see me in the morning!" the flophouse manager calls after us. Despite not having me fill out any paperwork or giving me a drug test, I will be able to start living here right away because I have private health insurance. I might as well have swiped my health insurance card at the door of this flophouse hotel.
Logan walks like he can do no wrong and the world owes him something, which makes me hate him instantly. He leads me to the first bedroom at the top of the stairs, which is indistinguishable from any other middle-class suburban single-family home. It is smaller than my childhood bedroom, with two twin beds maybe 5 feet apart, two small nightstands that practically touch each other, and one dresser.
"This is my bed. Don't touch any of my stuff. That dresser is mine," he says, pointing to the indiscriminate wooden dresser against the wall opposite our beds. I feel a flash of anger.
"Nah. There’s only one dresser. We'll split it up tomorrow," I say. He turns towards me and looks me in the eyes. He’s taller than me, with long dark hair and a lean frame. I stare at him, my jaw clenched in rage, daring him to touch me, so I can take my anger out on something besides myself. I don't care if he knows how to fight and whips my ass right now, I'm at the absolute end of my rope with living on this Earth. He scoffs and walks out of the room. I sit on the twin bed that is now ‘mine’. It feels brand new. New beds means that a new flophouse has arrived in Orange County.
I wish I didn't have to precipitate my withdrawal, but this has to end sometime, and there is no time but now. I have four somas, six xanax bars, and half a naltrexone pill - 25mg - in my pocket. I pull the loose pills out of my pocket and look at them.
Six xanax bars is definitely not enough to make me black out. Six xanax bars isn't even enough to fully get rid of the restlessness, let alone cause me to sleep through the night, but at least I have 4 somas. The muscle-relaxing somas will have to do some heavy lifting, but I know they can do it.
Somas absolutely wreck me. I haven’t taken one in a long time, but I know I respond strongly to them. Taking six xanax and four somas would ordinarily be enough to cause me to black out for a full day, but I don’t know if they will even work through 25 milligrams of naltrexone.
Just thinking the word ‘naltrexone’ causes my stomach to drop and my heart to start racing. I am absolutely petrified at the thought of taking this naltrexone.
Well, it’s time to nut the fuck up and do it, Lonnie. You decided to go on your little furanylfentanyl binge, now you have to take this naltrexone. You made your shitty flophouse bed, now you have to lay in it. You’re going to be sick either way by the time the morning comes.
I try to swallow, but my mouth is dry with anxiety. How much do somas contribute to respiratory depression? I can’t remember off the top of my head. I don’t remember what the median lethal dose is, what the mechanism of action is, or even what receptors it interacts with, aside from the same GABA receptors that xanax acts upon. I wonder if there is an increased risk of respiratory depression from combining soma with xanax.
I pull out of my phone, so I can google just how sedating the soma is when combined with xanax, to make sure I am not going to stop breathing during the procedure.
You’re wasting your time, Lonnie. You have to be conscious in the morning and able to talk to the house manager. You’ve overdosed 3 times in the past few weeks. If you can inject enough fentanyl to kill 5 people, you can take 4 somas with 6 xanax. It isn’t going to kill you – and if it does, who cares? Either way, it’ll finally be over.
This has to end. I’d rather die than keep doing this, anyway.
I walk into the bathroom, the pills clenched in my fist like a loaded revolver, and close the door. I turn on the sink and put all 4 somas in my mouth. I stick my head in the sink and part my lips slightly, drinking from the stream as if I had a straw in my mouth. I swallow the pills and then put all 6 xanax in my mouth. I turn the tap off and start to chew.
My mouth fills with the incredibly bitter taste of the xanax. I used to watch people do this and nearly throw up at the mere sight alone. Now, my mouth salivates with excitement as the bitterness overwhelms me.
I hate how much my brain loves the bitter taste of chemicals. I wish my brain hated the bitterness, like normal people. I hate being a drug addict.
I swallow a few times to clear my mouth out and then drink more from the tap. I look at the orange half-pill of naltrexone in my hand. I sigh. This is going to suck.
Hurry up and swallow it, bitch boy. You don’t want to black out and start throwing fruit around before the withdrawal kicks in, like you did at Amelia’s house.
I can’t look away from the orange half-pill.
Just take it and get it over with. Put the naltrexone in your mouth and swallow it.
I know this is going to make me sick within 3 minutes of taking it. I might as well swallow dynamite – in fact, I would prefer to swallow dynamite. The taste of the xanax lingers in my mouth. I have to take the naltrexone. There is no avoiding it.
I put the pill in my mouth and drink from the tap again. I swallow the naltrexone, turn off the sink, and go back to my new flophouse bedroom, my heart pounding with overwhelming anxiety, feeling like I just made the worst decision I have ever made in my life, which is saying something. I turn off the lights, close the door, and get into the bed. I lay down on my side and close my eyes firmly. I am going to sleep, right now.
5 minutes into self-induced ultra-rapid detox.
My stomach is cramping. It hurts so bad that I can’t move my hands away from it. It feels like I swallowed poison. There is an odd sensation of electricity attached to the pain that is coming from the back of my neck. I am curled in the fetal position because my stomach hurts so bad, but everything else hurts too. How did it hit this hard and this fast? It wasn’t supposed to hit this hard or this quickly.
I throw the blanket off of me. It’s so hot, I can’t bear to have that blanket anywhere near me. The heat is so intense, I can feel it radiating off my skin. I am covered in sweat.
Why does my stomach hurt so bad? It has never hurt this bad before. I can barely breathe through the pain.
9 minutes into the procedure.
It’s so cold, my sweat feels like prickly ice water. I reach for the blanket and wrap it around me as tightly as I can. I move my feet, so the blanket is wrapped completely around them. I can feel my toes writhing back and forth, my legs moving uncontrollably. I am shaking uncontrollably, so I shake intentionally. Where is the xanax? Please, kick in. Please. Please.
God, if you’re listening, stop playing with me and kill me or let that xanax through my first-pass metabolism and into my bloodstream. I chewed it. It should be kicking in and making these symptoms milder.
T+ 14 minutes.
I feel an electric zap in my stomach that becomes a cramp. I hold my abdominals and try to massage them to stop the cramp, which is so painful I can’t breathe. I have the sudden need to use the bathroom. I jump out of bed and powerwalk to the bathroom. Luckily everyone is still downstairs playing video games or not home yet. At least this flophouse doesn’t have a curfew.
I sit down on the toilet and try to sit still. I cannot stop my body from moving for even one second. It feels like my insides are on fire. This is discomfort beyond anything I have ever experienced or imagined.
T+ 20 minutes.
It is so hot. I can’t believe how overheated I feel. I must be on the precipice of brain damage. I lay on the bed, curled in the fetal position, drenched in sweat, forcing myself to shake as vigorously as I can so that I can pretend that I am complicit in this. The xanax has to be kicking in any second now. I should be nearly unconscious right now.
A fresh electric cramp hits my stomach, driving the air from my lungs. I get up from the bed, power walking back to the bathroom, doubled over with pain. I sit down on the toilet and feel the urge to scream. I leave my body bent forward because I can’t sit up straight with this cramp. I see the trash can right across from me. My stomach is so fucked up, maybe I just need to throw up.
T+ 1 hour.
I inhale. I exhale. I inhale. I exhale.
I am not asleep, but I am not awake. I can tell that horrible things are happening in my body and brain, but I am too sedated now to be able to maintain full awareness. I am scared that I will be aware of the moment when I stop breathing – that I will suffocate while I am fully conscious, since that is exactly what I deserve.
I am no longer panicking, but my stomach is beyond fucked. I have been getting up every 5 minutes to go to the bathroom, and now my roommate is in here. It is 12 AM. I have 6 hours left to go.
The soma has all but gotten rid of the cramps. I can now lay still. The temperature swings aren’t nearly as bad – it almost seems as if they’re happening to a body that I can feel but is not mine.
You’re going to do it, Lonnie. You’re outsmarting addiction. Before you know it, you’re going to be getting the naltrexone implant, and then you’ll be back to training hard for college basketball.
I get up from the bed. I walk back to the bathroom, now having to walk carefully, my arms outstretched. The combination of the xanax and the somas has me extremely uncoordinated. I walk towards the bathroom, closing one eye to combat the double vision I have now. I slowly reach for the door and open it. I close it behind me, carefully and slowly. I walk to the toilet and sit on it as quickly as I can, due to the growing urgency of the signals from my stomach. I put my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. One of my elbows slip immediately, and I almost fall off the toilet.
I fix my seat and put my head back in my hands, more carefully this time. Though I feel physical sensations of pain and discomfort, they are being sent through a deeply dizzying diversion. The discomfort is distant. I can’t be bothered to worry about it right now.
Stay awake, Lonnie. You can’t pass out on the toilet. You’ll get caught and kicked out or taken to a hospital. I cradle my head. I’ll get up in a second.
I hear a loud crashing sound and open my eyes. I’m sandwiched between the toilet and the wall. I reach up for the toilet and successfully pull the seat down after several failed attempts, so I can use it to help me up. Slowly and carefully, I get up from the floor. I pull the seat up and sit back down on the toilet.
I stand up from the toilet and start to walk out of the bathroom. Before I even make it to the door, I feel the need to sit back on the toilet.
This is not good. The soma probably relaxed everything too much. I might have to sit on this toilet for the rest of the night, shitting my brains out. I cradle my head in my hands, so I can relax on the toilet.
Don’t relax too much, Lonnie. You might fall asleep on the toilet. Just keep breathing. You’re probably not breathing very much. You should NOT be conscious right now. Just because the naltrexone is painful enough to force you to maintain consciousness doesn’t mean that your body isn’t barely clinging to life.
I inhale. I exhale.
I feel myself slipping off the toilet. Fuck, I need to get up. I need to do something to stay awake. I can take a shower; I just have to get up from the toilet. Give it another second, though.
I can just wait here for one more second.
​
I woke up 3 days later in the ICU as they were pulling the breathing tubes out of me

{{Class Habitable}}
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Level 1 of the TrainRooms, also known as "M.E.G. Level 61 - The Rural Scene-4," embodies the essence of backroomism with its enigmatic and captivating atmosphere. This secret location holds a prestigious Class A status and was discovered by a bold explorer on November 18, 1973, unraveling its hidden wonders.
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Description: Scene 02.7, known as "The Rural Scene-4," is a clandestine and alluring location within The TrainRooms, shrouded in secrecy. Its undulating grasslands stretch endlessly, creating an atmosphere of intrigue and mystique. Rusty trains, relics of a forgotten era, stand silently amidst the landscape, their creaking skeletons blending harmoniously with the natural beauty of the scene. The passage of time and neglect is evident in the structures that dot the grassy hills. Dilapidated shacks and weathered barns, once bustling abodes and havens for weary travelers, now serve as poignant reminders of forgotten tales and hidden treasures. The vast grasslands of Scene 02.7 exude the unmistakable essence of the southern United States. The golden hue of sunburnt yellow grass sways gently in the wind, whispering stories of days long gone. The rolling hills, reminiscent of the Texan countryside, provide a picturesque backdrop that ignites the imagination of those who dare to venture here.
[[File:Scene-02.7 NEW.jpgthumbThe grasslands of Scene-02.7.]]
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The Trainyard: As you delve deeper into Scene 02.7, a captivating sight awaits—the trainyard. This expansive area within the scene is adorned with a multitude of retired trains, frozen in time. These iron behemoths, with wheels immobile, infuse the surroundings with an aura of mystery and fascination. Tracks crisscross like veins, leading the eye towards the horizon, teasing at the vastness of this forgotten realm. The trainyard stretches endlessly, tempting adventurers to uncover the secrets concealed within its steel arteries. Time has stood still in this place, and the echoes of past journeys can still be faintly heard amidst the rust and decay.
[[File:Scene-02.7(2).jpgthumbThe Trainyard of Scene-02.7.]]
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Recorded Civilizations: Amidst the countless whispered tales of Scene 02.7, one civilization stands out—the enigmatic "Invisible Spiders." Legends speak of a clandestine group possessing extraordinary abilities, capable of weaving webs of illusion and intrigue. Though unseen, their presence permeates the atmosphere, leaving visitors filled with wonder and curiosity. Access and Egress: Gaining entry to Scene 02.7 requires unlocking the hidden pathway within The TrainRooms, a feat reserved for those who possess unwavering determination and exceptional skills. The journey to this ethereal location is fraught with challenges, tests of wit, and formidable obstacles. However, the rewards are immeasurable—a chance to immerse oneself in a realm frozen in time, where the secrets of forgotten civilizations await the intrepid. Departing Scene 02.7, once the exploration reaches its conclusion, is a bittersweet farewell. The memories of the awe-inspiring landscape, the abandoned trains, and the whispers of the Invisible Spiders linger, etching themselves into the hearts of those fortunate enough to experience its enchantment. The exit, a gateway back to reality, seals shut behind the departing explorer, leaving behind a yearning and a newfound reverence for the hidden wonders that lie tantalizingly out of reach.
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Entities: The Phantom Express: An infamous train rumored to materialize on moonlit nights, gliding silently through Scene 02.7. Draped in ethereal mist, its spectral appearance instills both fear and fascination in those who catch a glimpse. Legends claim that boarding the Phantom Express grants passage to a realm of forgotten dreams and lost memories.
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The Steam Sirens: Ethereal beings that inhabit the trainyard, these mysterious entities are believed to be the spirits of deceased train conductors and engineers. Cloaked in wisps of steam and possessing haunting beauty, the Steam Sirens entice curious visitors, promising an unforgettable journey through the depths of the trainyard.
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The Watchful Brakeman: A ghostly figure donning a worn conductor's uniform, the Watchful Brakeman wanders the trainyard, forever vigilant. Visitors catch fleeting glimpses of him standing at the edge of the tracks, perpetually prepared to apply the brakes and prevent catastrophic collisions. His presence instills a sense of safety and guardianship within the abandoned trains.
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The Forgotten Passenger: Occasionally, a spectral figure manifests within one of the rusty trains—a lost soul who never reached their intended destination. Faint whispers and melancholic sighs emanate from the train compartment, as if the Forgotten Passenger yearns for someone to listen and share their untold story. The Trainyard Guardian: A colossal and ancient steam-powered mechanical construct,
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the Trainyard Guardian stands as a sentinel over the trainyard. Adorned with intricate gears and pistons, it pays homage to the thriving era of locomotives. The Trainyard Guardian remains dormant until a trespasser threatens the sanctity of Scene 02.7, activating its mechanisms to protect the hidden secrets within.
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The Sentient Locomotive: An extraordinary anomaly within Scene 02.7, this locomotive possesses its own consciousness. With glowing eyes and a voice like thunder, the Sentient Locomotive roams the trainyard, occasionally sharing fragments of its vast knowledge with those who approach respectfully. It serves as a guardian of the history and stories woven into the abandoned trains, preserving their collective memories.
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The Animated Railcars: Among the stationary trains, certain railcars have developed sentience, their wheels creaking and their metal bodies shifting subtly. They communicate through rhythmic vibrations and metallic groans, creating a haunting symphony that reverberates through the trainyard. These animated railcars act as companions to the Sentient Locomotive, sharing its desire to safeguard the legacy of rail travel.
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The Mobile Maintenance-of-Way (MOW) Equipment: Within Scene 02.7, remnants of railroad maintenance vehicles have taken on a life of their own. The Mobile Maintenance-of-Way (MOW) Equipment, including rail grinders, ballast tampers, and track laying machines, possess a level of sentience. Purposefully, they tend to the tracks, ensuring their preservation. Visitors may catch glimpses of these animated machines as they carry out their duties, their mechanical sounds blending harmoniously with the whispers of the scene.
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The Expressive Caboose: Nestled in the heart of the trainyard, an exuberant and vivacious caboose stands out from the rest. Adorned with colorful murals and vibrant paintwork, the Expressive Caboose possesses the ability to change its appearance, reflecting the emotions and stories it wishes to convey. It symbolizes the dynamic nature of the railroad's past and resonates with the human connection to these historical modes of transportation.
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The Whistling Boxcar: Amidst the retired trains, a boxcar emits haunting and melancholic melodies throughout the night. Known as the Whistling Boxcar, it produces ethereal tunes that permeate the trainyard, evoking feelings of nostalgia and longing. Its mournful melodies mirror the forgotten tales and unfulfilled journeys of the trains that once traversed these rails.
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The Spirit of the Iron Horse: Resembling the legendary Union Pacific Big Boy, this sentient locomotive possesses an imposing frame and massive driving wheels, commanding attention. It represents the era of steam power and the spirit of innovation that fueled the expansion of the American rail system.
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The Freedom Express: Modeled after iconic American diesel locomotives, the Freedom Express embodies sleek design and modern technology that revolutionized the railway industry. With its distinctive blue and silver livery, it symbolizes progress, efficiency, and the spirit of freedom that permeates the American rail network.
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The Thundering Challenger: Inspired by the Union Pacific Challenger, this sentient locomotive exudes strength and power. Its articulated design, characterized by a long wheelbase and distinctive streamlined profile, represents the resilience and determination that propelled America's railroads through challenging terrains and historic moments.
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The Golden Daylight: Drawing inspiration from the Southern Pacific Daylight, this sentient locomotive captures the essence of the glamorous era of streamlined passenger trains. Adorned with vibrant orange and red colors, it embodies the spirit of luxury and adventure, inviting visitors to envision the golden age of rail travel. The Patriot Express: Paying homage to the famous Norfolk & Western Class J locomotives, the Patriot Express reflects the heritage of American steam locomotives. Its powerful presence, black and gold livery, and distinctive smokestack evoke a sense of nostalgia and national pride, serving as a reminder of the crucial role railroads played in shaping the United States.
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The Sentient Railroad Signals: Nestled along the train tracks of Scene 02.7, the Sentient Railroad Signals serve as more than mere indicators for train traffic. These sentient entities possess the ability to communicate and interact with visitors, providing guidance and warnings as they navigate the trainyard. With luminous eyes that change color to convey different messages, the Sentient Railroad Signals ensure safe passage and add an extra layer of intrigue to the already captivating environment.
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The Sentient Railroad Crossing Signals: At the heart of Scene 02.7 lies a railroad crossing, where the Sentient Railroad Crossing Signals reside. These entities are guardians of the intersection between the railway and the outside world. With their animated arms and expressive lights, they regulate the flow of traffic and protect unsuspecting wanderers from oncoming trains. Their sentient presence adds a touch of whimsy and safety to the enigmatic realm of The Rural Scene-4.
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The Rogue Runaway Trains: Within Scene 02.7, there exists a phenomenon known as the Rogue Runaway Trains. These peculiar trains defy the conventional order, lacking locomotives at their fronts and barreling through the trainyard with reckless abandon. Unleashing a thunderous cacophony and leaving a trail of chaos in their wake, these runaway trains evoke both awe and trepidation in those who witness their unpredictable journeys. Their mysterious origins and relentless quest for freedom make them enigmatic entities within the realm of The Rural Scene-4.
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The Enigmatic Derailer: Masquerading as an ordinary railroad maintenance vehicle, the Derailer is a cunning and autonomous entity within Scene 02.7. With its deceptive appearance, it blends seamlessly into the trainyard, making it challenging to discern its true nature. When triggered by specific conditions or disturbances, the Derailer springs into action, manifesting its true purpose. Operating with calculated precision, it safeguards the integrity of the tracks by diverting or derailing rogue trains, preventing potential disasters and maintaining order within the trainyard. Its enigmatic nature adds an element of intrigue and mystery to the already captivating landscape.

Epilogue

A brief, beautiful series of vignettes. We close the loop on some emotional beats, as well as receive promises/foreshadowings of further adventures.

Epigraph

The opening verses of Rumor Born, and possibly my favorite piece of poetry in the whole novel. It took me until this epigraph to realize that the title itself is referring to the city of Darujhistan and it's history. That said, given the fact that the work describes the events of the novel itself, and is written by the same guy who wrote Anomandris, then either Fisher was a Seer of incredible power or else has an immensely long lifespan. Possibly both, although the fact that Fisher's birth date is unknown implies the latter. Even at the end, answers only invite further questions.
The only other point of note is the reference to the "Gates of Nowhere" but I'm unsure what that might mean. The SCDAT?

The Epilogue Itself

The remaining Bridgeburners land back where they'd initially launched from at the beginning of Book 3, preparing to await their Moranth escort. Quick Ben and Whiskeyjack watch Moon's Spawn drift south, possibly to find another contest, this time against the Pannion Seer. Whiskeyjack's headaches have been lessening, possibly in response to his loosening heart, less guarded than the one he bore into Darujhistan. His cool reference to the loss of three members not being "that bad, considering" and Mallet's pained response shows the change has yet to take in full, but the Seargent has begun a slow road back to humanity. We leave the Bridgeburners with an ominous note, that Quick Ben has hatched another scheme, a big feint, one which might run over poorly with Whiskeyjack.
Captain Paran watches his men below on the beach, contemplating everything it cost him to get here. His... unique nature has granted new senses, and a growing awareness of Silverfox. Whether or not the romance between Paran and Tattersail was Oppon compelled or not, the two resolve to reunite in time. Mysteriously, they communicate over vast distances, although it seems to be an unreliable process. He has buried Lorn, now finally a soldier, holding in the position once held by the very man who warned him against this path, walking a path of ruin himself. Ganoes Paran, the gods have noticed you, and their gaze is unlikely to fall from someone who survived their use — what will you make of yourself?
Kalam, Fiddler, Apsalar, and Crokus sail west for Dhavran. The former claw is amused by the two youths and their naive innocence. Crokus asks after Unta, and they speak of leaving others behind, and moving forward. Kalam holds nothing against Apsalar, she's just a girl, after all. Crokus objects to this and discards the Coin, no longer in need of luck. Circle Breaker, even here barely noticed, decides to inform the Eel one last time that the Coin Berrer has freed himself, then looks forward, anticipating a new life. Also, the monkey's a demon, which probably means something that it decided to stick around.
And so, with beautiful prose and bittersweet optimism, so ends the first tale of the Malazan Book of the Fallen.

Gardens of the Moon

An excellent start all around! We've yet to see how fitting it may be for the rest of the series, but for now, I'm hooked! So much of this rode on Erikson's ability to pull off this massively ambitious departure from the commonplace, and he managed to pull it off far better than could be expected. While I recognize his inspirations in histories and anthropology, being able to port one form of literature to another, not only across genres but the fiction/non-fiction divide, is seriously impressive. While doing so without sacrificing much of the strengths of either format; even leveraging them to complement one another, is a staggering feat. I'll be breaking things down, although these categories are listed in no particular order, into Plot, Characters, Setting, Cosmology (encompassing the more fantastical elements from magic to races), and Prose/Format.

Plot

Favorite plots include the whole Jaghut Tyrant arc (for obvious reasons), Paran's Excellent adventure, and the whole Coll/Lady Simttal arc.
The deep lore cuts of all the Jaghut and T'lan Imass storylines are incredible, worldbuilding on a scope that allows for geological/evolutionary implications. The powers at play boggle the imagination and feel realized despite their incomprehensibility. Not necessarily "cosmic horror" although that plays a part, but a cosmic spectacle nonetheless. Ending, of course, with an apocalyptic battle feeling like the climax of a series of epics we barely get to glimpse. Looking forward to seeing so much more of this side of the Malazverse. I will say, the T'lan Imass gathering never really occurred, but I expect that's still coming.
Paran's whole plotline, beginning with quickly snuffed youthful aspirations, to political maneuverings, to being a pawn in the interplay between many gods and ascendants, to shaking free of the powers chaining him, if not necessarily free of what has happened to him, was great to watch unfold. It was the most straightforward "quest fantasy" of the book, touching on many cool places and meeting a wide variety of characters. Paran's brute "I'm already dead anyway so I may as well attack things head on" strategy was refreshing to watch, his relationships to Topper, Tattersail, and Toc were all great and helped to show his evolving character. Connecting with the Bridgeburners and helping them sort everything going on out was cathartic. And of course, the elephant in the room, the Dragnripur episode was fascinating and haunting and I need more.
Then there was the whole Oppon-infused plan regarding Lady Simtal and particularly its climax, was fantastic. I'm a sucker for plotlines that were technically successful yet have the characters involved come away regretting it happening in the first place. The solidarity between the Phoenix Inn regulars was great, as well as untangling their connections to one another. No there's no objective reason this one stood above the other Darujhistan plotlines, but I jive with it.
Other plots, such as all the Tiste Andii background intrigue, Crokus's whole ordeal, as well as Tattersail's plotline are great as well.
Most of the Tiste Andii stuff needs to be unpacked more fully down the road, as is we have only a brief glimpse into this massive, alien world on Moon's Spawn. Caladan Brood, Kallor, the unseen Prince K'azz, and Crone all seem to have their own intrigue going on, keeping someone reigned in. As for that someone, Anomander Rake's whole deal is a whole deal, I'm enthralled to see more of this obsolete great desperately try to get his people to care about anything again. The dragons are all tangled in this as well. Yea, I did just spend a lot of words just implying things without divulging much of what it meant, but so did Erikson and I'm hooked.
So Oppon's big plan seems to just keep nudging this one unwitting kid around via hormones and coincidence to drag the genuinely important players around. This is fascinating because it seems all Oppon wanted to do was mess with the Empire. For reasons that aren't quite clear yet, the gods seem terrified of this growing coalition of power on the part of the mortals and are doing what they can to slow this down. Even more interesting, they'd likely be able to curb-stomp the mortals pretty easily if they all weren't in their own cold war with one another. Oppon did seem to be multitasking a bit with messing with Shadow, but I'm less certain why they'd have beef outside of each operating in the "screw with stuff we shouldn't" domain.
Tattersall's (or now Silverfox's) arc is of course left wide open by the end of this, but is great. The Deck of Dragons is a fantastic narrative device, as we get assurance of the god's machinations in the background without having to pull the curtain back all the way. Also, one of the lingering questions I have is who the Ascendant that messed with the reading she did with Tayscheren was. I guess Shadowthrone? The whole soul-shifting arc and rebirth sequence are haunting and more than a but disturbing, but that speaks to the alternatives she could have undergone from her stunt in body-hopping. Her relationship with romance was a bit, odd, but there's a non-trivial element of divine meddling so it's cool ig.
The plotting is currently the strongest element of M:BotF thus far. That we had like 14 different plot threads splitting off and overlapping and drawing together over the course of the narrative is insane. That many of these plot threads managed to enliven and enlighten one another, narratively, thematically, and lore-wise, only makes the whole multiplicatively stronger than the sum of its parts. Everything felt pretty natural, with the threads that did overlap often doing so secondarily, as natural consequences rather than merging together into one mega-climax. I mean, we did get one mega-climax-sequence, but that was far more due to their proximity rather than each even being doomed to become defined by one another. Events that started separately for separate reasons stayed separate, but the shared pool of locations and characters helped to cause each of these to be deeply interconnected in the lives of those characters. Speaking of which...

Characters

My relationship with the characters of this novel is a bit interesting. They serve their plots wonderfully, and nearly every one of them has several standout moments in both word and deed. Yet, on the whole, they're, fine. I guess they're... exactly the sum of their parts? Don't get me wrong, these are extremely good parts they're made of. New character archetypes, old ones played extremely well, old ones given genuinely inventive twists. These are very good characters, but possibly the weakest pillar of the novel. The dialogue is weighty and meaningful, betraying a depth to the world and the people in it. Actions are (usually) thought out, exceptions to this rule are all true to a character or under extenuating circumstances. I want to see more of all of them. It's just, there isn't much of that "x factor" a lot of great character writers bring out.
I've already praised Paran, his attitude, and his motives. He's way over his head at the best of times and just has to bluff and namedrop long enough to survive to a point where he can effect genuine change. That effort changes him pretty drastically, and while he is somewhat better off for it, it is a sad thing to see the naive kid in him die off so soon.
Tattersail is interesting to me, I like her, but as a character she's on the weaker end of the cast. We do see her strong emotions and compassion explored a bit, but she takes a pretty hard left turn plot wise before that goes much of anywhere. We'll have to wait and see how Silverfox pans out.
Whiskeyjack fascinates me, we don't get too much of who he is, just all that's left of him of being ground into the dust. I can't wait to see Whiskeyjack the Old Guard thaw off more, as well as Whiskeyjack the man.
Quick Ben and Kalam probably stand as my current favorite Bridgeburners, their bromance being a highlight of the novel all while standing as fascinating characters on their own. Quick Ben has, all kinds of backstory running around, as well as secrets on top of that, but what we know of him so far is great. Kalam's just world-weary, yet he can't help but keep moving forward until he can bow out legitimately. The two of them are so much fun on top of being fascinating.
Dujek and Tayscheren, while not super present in the novel, are pretty great characters in their own right. Dujek, last of the Old Guard with any real power, just trying to do what he can for his men. And Tayscheren, not necessarily evil, but just a guy swallowed up in his own job.
Hairlock, while not making too much of a splash in the grand scheme of things, was an incredibly fun inclusion and a great initial antagonist. Just a power-mad goofy little guy who doubles as our first major look into this world's magic and cosmology.
Adjunct Lorn was one of the standout characters of the novel, a woman enslaved to her own self-justification. Torn between the scared girl trapped in the mines and the unfeeling super claw, unable to reconcile the two before the end. Her constant contradictions and tensions within her character were fascinating to watch.
And Toc, poor Toc man. A great guy who I'd loved to have seen more of, just being such an interesting character on top of being fun. I feel he's introduced some interesting concepts, from the "inner sight" superstition of Seven Cities to whomever his dad is, but the credits have rolled and my guy is still down for the count, so I'll be interested to see how these elements are brought back.
Crokus Younghand stands out in this novel as the one, lone dumbass. Stop being literally me Crokus, you're embarrassing us. His interactions with everyone are great, quickly vacillating between idealism and stubbornness, romanticism and a parody grimdark woe-is-me view of reality. Every interaction he has with a woman is golden, but not particularly a glowing performance on his end.
Magnanimous Kruppe the First is the indesputable highpoint of this esteemed tale, and I will not hear otherwise. He is of course, bestowed of many virtues, chief among so his delight in the many pleasures of this world, second among so his capacity to indulge in any virtue or pleasure at will. Cleverest of anyone we see here, able to run conversations by himself with faux humility (for what does Kruppe have a need to be humble about?) and keep the magnificent city of Darujhistan in his pocket. There is a power vacuum of sorts our dear Eel needs to fulfill, and there is plenty of the rotund mage to explore each new crevice.
Rallick Nom and Murillio are great as well, in many ways they act as foils of one another. Rallick does what he does because he sees this as his only path through life, holding onto the concept of his actions benefiting others to preserve his mortality. Murillio, on the other hand, has a moral code of sorts but will transgress it if he feels there is a way to benefit a friend sufficiently. In the end, they both wind up morally bankrupt.
Lady Simtal and Turban Orr were fun villains. Not particularly unique but pulled off extremely well.
High Alchemist Baruk seems to have a whole bunch of layers to him. We keep getting allusions to a whole bunch of relevant stories with this man, such as his ascendancy or close friendship to Rallick Nom, but we don't get to see much of it, which I feel is a shame.
Raest is an awsome force of nature villain, believably evil for the sake of it. Namely, his evil is specific which is what makes for great villains of this sort. Raest wanted control over the longterm development of his world, to fundamentally remake things after his own nature.
Anomander freaking Rake. Nuf said.

Setting

While this is our first real look into Wu(?) as a whole, I'll mostly focus on modern-day Genebakis.
A great setting, with a bit of ecological and cultural diversity, although mostly hyperfocused on the city of Darujhistan. Perhaps a bit more could have been done in the set-dressing department. Genebaris received no real description, despite apparently existing in a different biome than the more southern cities. Similarly, he evidently passes through a forest, but of what kind? Touches like these could help further drive in the scope of the narrative physically in a similar manner to the temporal scope. It also is a bit disappointing because when Erikson did go the extra mile to do so, such as Kruppe's dreams or the like, two up-close descriptions of Darujhistan (besides just being big, blue, and copper from far off) were great. Actually, the lack of Darujhistan descriptions was possibly the biggest missed opportunity.
But what we do get in the City of Blue Fire is great and evocative. From the infrastructure to the politics to the culture and religion, it all stands out even among other great fantasy cities.
The Rhivi, Moranth, and Bhargast can all stand to be expanded on, but I get the sense that they'll be more than able to provide on that front once it becomes time. I'm curious to see how southern Genebakis contrasts to the northern reaches, but we'll get to that when we get to that.
Erikson's experience as an anthropologist really shines through, with the breadth, depth, and specificity of the world-building and cultures. I anticipate this element of the BotF rising to the top for me personally once we have more time to watch it unfold.

Cosmology and Magic

So my takes on these have been... rather well received, it seems. I love what tiny bit of the magic and cosmos of the world I've seen so far and look forward to understanding more!
In a lot of ways, it seems magic in this world is itself undergoing an evolutionary process, with all the Elder Warrens to Warrens ascendants and gods, and mortals evidently now being potent enough to overpower the gods themselves. If we expand on this analogy, then a lot of the confusion might be due to poor terminology. E.g. define a fish. Now define a Warren. There seem to be multiple related things all lumped under the same blanket term, despite their functional difference. The magic super highways and demi-planes and isolated pockets within objects (Dragnupir and the Finnest) are all roughly related (fish) while being intrinsically different and likely further classifiable as such (trout, squid, and sharks if you will).
But aside from that residual speculation and just generally saying its cool, I don't got much to say here.

Prose and Format

The prose of GotM was pretty good! Not the best, but serviceable, engaging, and evocative with a handful of really standout passages. I cannot wait to see this take a ten-year leap in Deadhouse Gates!
The formating was interesting. Many chapters were wonderfully interwoven PoV's all complimenting each other. Some could have conceivably been split into multiple quite comfortably, other blended. Makes me wonder why Erikson collected things as he did. Chapter 9 was basically 4 self-contained sequences each a chapter long, lol. ... It's because the Odessy has 24 chapters, isn't it? The book breakdown was terrifically effective, while Books 4, 5, and 6 largely blended together PoV-wise, they each still had their specific goals and arcs.
I'm a major fan of Epigraphs, and these were all great! (Despite my constant timeline and poetry scruples) A lot of my more out-there theorizing tended to be a bit more playful with the epigraphs than I think Erikson ever got, but that's more my own biases talking. I will say, if I ever get around to writing anything, I'd love to go ham on epigraph shenanigans.
All in all, this profoundly unique PoV structure (not so much unique in form as in just how broad and ambitious it is) works to elevate the whole experience. That Erikson so radically adheres to 3rd limited can get somewhat constraining at times, especially when we're not privy to info our PoV has, but overall, it works.

Final Thoughts

So, with all my nit-picking, critiques, and half-praise, did I even like this novel? No, I LOVE it. It is in many ways as advertised, a messy first step into a unique and wildly ambitious new direction, and I'm wholly invested in watching the rest of this unfold!
And now for one last pass through the ancillary goodies:
Dramatis Personae
Is actually quite funny in retrospect. But first:
Sorry is mentioned as a killer in the guise of a young girl. Obvious when you're in the know but it doesn't give the answer right away.
Dancer is mentioned as the advisor (right-hand, if you will) right out of the gate, D'oh.
Toc the Elder disappeared during Laseen's purges, interesting.
Kruppe: a man of false modesty, TRUE
Coll being merely listed as a drunk, technically true.
Chert: "an unlucky bully" lol
Mammot is listed as a High Preist of D'riss, D'oh.
The Eel is listed independently of Kruppe, good cover.
K'Rul is listed as the Maker of Paths, D'oh.
And that's more or less it. (I mean, I only skimmed it before, so its not like a missed anything)

Glossary

Not too much to say here, but a few notes:
Poliel, Missteres of Pestilence, and Soliel, Missteres of Healing have rather similar names, which is interesting.
The Warrens here are all listed as what their actual domains are, which is a nice aid. There don't seem to be any more than the ones named somewhere within the text, which is fine, but a couple odd notes:
Meanas is listed as the Path of Shadow and Illusion, Tattersail mentioned the two domains are connected, whereas Quick Ben (once a High Preist of Shadow) had seemed to regard the two as separate. There's a story there.
Also, Thyr, Tattersaill's Warren, is the Warren of Light, given the apparently... interesting relationship between Light and Dark, particularly Lights evident "corruption" I'd love to see the implications of all this.
The K'chain Che'maille's Elder Warren is not listed, either because it doesn't exist (once again proving them the worst Elder Race, nerds got soloed by some snow, lol) or it was simply never mentioned. Given we have seen at least one magic relic from them, likely the latter.
Also, the Azath is nowhere mentioned, which is interesting in itself.
Well, that's that! See y'all in a week or so, once I've gotten a test out of the way, with the beginning of Deadhouse Gates!

The whistleblowing by well credentialed insiders such as David Grusch, is not occuring in a vacuum. I think it's important to remember the context of the last 5 years.
The “modern disclosure movement” (post 2017)- started with claims of insiders from within the secret UAP programmes, communicating exactly the same information - alleging secret UAP programmes going back decades, including crash retrievals and reverse engineering. Efforts which had been hidden from executive oversight due to national security concerns.
Namely, through the To the Stars Academy (TTSA) initiative, which brought to the public’s attention key individuals -still intimately involved in the process - such as Chris Mellon and Lue Elizondo. Their actions directly led to the 2017 NY Times article,and pilot testimonies to congress. And indirectly, to the Senate hearings, and the formation of the UAP Task Force and AARO. As well as the continued activism of pilots.
I cannot assess Grusch’s claims on the basis of the frankly ridiculous sound bites televised, but nevertheless - I think this information is key to evaluating his claims - and those of others who come forward.
The story is too elaborate to recap fully, but I recommend RedPandaKoala's excellent video on the origins of this movement, which provides good suggestions as to the identities of the people involved.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BjUK5V5sTg&t=611s
I've included information on claims by previous insiders or those connected to them, which may or may not accord with future leaks.
Recap:
Tom DeLonge claims to have had a series of meetings with someone he calls "The General" and other top brass, including an executive at Lockheed Skunkworks, which ultimately lead to the formation of TTSA.
These claims are lent weight by the leak of Hilary Clinton's emails in the run up to the presidential election, which established that he, and Podesta were in communication with General McCassland, head of Foreign Technology Research Division at Wright Patterson Airbase. The same base long linked to UAP secrecy, since at least the Roswell era. And the same base where multiple senators recently gathered for a briefing.
It has been specualted that the original plan was for the "disclosure" process to occur through the expected Hilary Clinton administration, but plans were put on hold due to Trump's win. This was probably as Clinton was sympathetic to disclosure, and this could be established directly by the insiders without revealing their identity, and without elaborate public engagement methods made against a hostile Executive. Instead the TTSA intiative was formed to trigger diclosure through the media and Senate engagement. It doesn't seem to be disclosure as is normally understood - it's not coming from the highest levels of Government, but from insiders who want to disclose what they know without reprisals.
According to multiple sources - including Eric Westeinstein and Sam Harris, some of these insiders have continued to reach out directly to public intectuals, claiming to have irrefutable evidence of Non Human Intelligence.
His claims are also lent weight by the fact that he was connected with UAP insiders including the head of Lockheed Skunkworks Steve Justice, Chris Mellon (DoD), Jim Semivan (CIA) and Lue Elizondo - who had recently left the Government's as yet unacknowledged UFO programme AATIP, to form what would become To The Stars Academy (TTSA). If DeLonge has no sources or connections, how was he put in touch with these people, and why did they ally with him, risking their own reputations?
He claims to have been told by The General, that they encountered a lifeform during the Cold War. He told him that some bad decisions were made in response, but this occurred in the context of the Cold War and the threat of nuclear destruction. This may relate to the cover up from executive oversight, or to certain actions taken against the intelligence(s) behind the UAP phenomena.
This also accords with Richard Dolan's work suggesting that the UAP phenomena was discovered at the same time as the national security aparatus were being set up after WW2, and was classified higher than the atom bomb, due to the fact that it interacted with nuclear assets, and displayed a more advanced technology that would be key in winning the Cold War. In effect a perfect chain of events occured to make it pressing to keep this secret and secure it from other nations to gain advantage, at the same time frame in which the US had unequaled power to create new legislation for secrecy, having just done so with the Manhattan Project.
DeLonge also claims that an elaborate and well hidden project was set up to respond to the NHI (Non Human Intelligence) presence, funded secretly by the petrodollar and hidden until such time as they had the means to defend against incursions. If true, there should be evidence of this in budget anomalies.
He claims, like the Robert Hasting's documentary UFO and Nukes, that both the US and Russia knew about the ET presence, as craft had been present at numerous nuclear tests. And that they cooperated on this issue, which was one of the reasons the Cold War did not go "hot".
He claims that the intelligence behind UAP is referred to by insiders - as The Others . Subsequent information shared by his associates including Elizondo and Jim Semivan, suggests they are best considered NHI (Non Human Intelligence) or ultraterrestrial. I.e unknown form of life - not likely ET. Allegedly Grusch also uses the term NHI based on his sources.
He claims that the Phenomena may not be local to our spacetime/reality frame and is popping into this frame and out again, creating physical manifestations before disappearing. He refers to it as emerging out of “stacked frequencies”.
He claims these "advisors" told him that they wanted the truth of the UFO cover up to come up , as the lie was damaging the Republic and democracy, and that they considered the time was right.
Former CIA manager and future TTSA member Jim Semivan, confirms he first became aware of DeLonge after he grew concerned about how he could be getting such accurate information - though he declines to mention specifically what it was that concerned him. I believe this relates to claims made in DeLonge’s Sekret Machines books. One point that features quite heavily is that multiple powers recovered UAP and were reverse engineering them, another is that they consider that there were multiple NHI’s that were manipulating the geopolitical situation to cause conflict between different nations through delieberate "crashes" of technology. (personally I suspect it has to be something much more specific than this).
Following this DeLonge set up TTSA with Lue Elizondo and Chris Mellon, which led to the UAP videos being released and the NY Times article being written. Specifically Mellon and Elizondo were invovled in getting the leaked UAP videos released and briefing the NY Times authors about AATIP. The same authors involved in the Debrief's new article about Grusch
This then led to pilots coming forward and briefing congress with the assistance of Chris Mellon.
This has subsequently led to the formation of the UAP Task Force, now AARO and the whistleblower legislation.
The information suggests that TTSA were dropped as a vehicle for these insiders to disclose informationm after their efforts gained significant media and Senate enagement. As many have suggested DeLonge may have been used as both a well known public figure to gain traction, and because he injected a degree of plausible deniability. It’s notable that two of the most instrumental figures behind the scenes in Senate/DoD developments were TTSA members, and that there is suggestive information from Elizondo’s comments that he may have been read into the more clandestine program. Mellon also claims direct knowledge of secret UAP projects - does this date back to the TTSA period, and was he also read in?
There are multiple other claims that corroborate this picture of secret UAP crash retrieval and reversal engineering projects, including the Wilson Memo and claims of Dr Eric Davis. As well as the claims made by Ross Coulthart in his book In Plane Sight. I've summarised some of them at the end.
Implications:
It is proven that -at the very least - DeLonge and associates had connections to highly placed insiders within the military industrial complex, and that the TTSA effort significantly contributed to the current Senate oversight and whistleblowing legislation, in particular through the continued involvement of Chris Mellon and Lue Elizondo:
If his claims are true:
This whole initiative started with a faction in the classified world with direct knowledge of UAP crash retrievals ,who had concerns about a lack of democratic oversight and sought for the information to come out in a controlled way. We can interpret this as accurate, or as propoganda (DeLonge refers to them as heroes). Regardless, it seems probably, though not certain - that UFO hearings and whistleblower protection were the long term goal, if not full disclosure.
In this context, the disclosures made by whistleblowers are not surprising at all. They are the result of a series of actions behind the scenes which have allowed insiders to privately state what they know ,without facing sanction for breaking their NDA's.
Why is this important?

1. We already have lines of enquiry about secret UAP projects, and suggestions of the personnel involved, as well as information on who may have been subsequently read into them. This provides an avenue for congressional and journalistic enquiry, which may be important should the story escalate.
2. We can evaluate emerging claims made by whistleblowers in light of claims already made by seemingly well connected insiders such as DeLonge and the TTSA alumni to see if they agree.
3. Conversely, we can retrospectively evaluate the claims made by DeLonge and TTSA to see if the information accords with current disclosures.
4. The narrative proposed suggests that the whistleblowers are a direct result of initiatives by insiders within these same UAP projects. That makes it important for considering who benefits, and why people are coming forward now.

Questions:
⦁ Have Tom's advisors - such as the General and Lockheed executives given evidence to Congress? And was this the plan all along - to create a safe mechanism to do so without revealing themselves directly?
⦁ Was Lue Elizondo read into the "real" deep state UAP programme after he left AATIP? He certainly claims to have far more information about the nature of the UAP intelligences and the actions taken by the Government than would be easily explained by his role in AATIP - which was a sub devision of the broader AAWSAP programme. This may also explain why DeLonge's advisors - within the programme - put them both in touch.
⦁ Will David Grusch's information (if the full details are published/shown as promised) - accord with what DeLonge has said about the cover up and secret UFO programmes?
⦁ If as DeLonge claims - and Grusch also claims (according to Couldhart) the Russians and other powers are aware of the NHI presence and have been in an arms race to recover and reverse engineer crashed craft, (potentially with some form of collaboration) - does this have a bearing on current disclosure? Presumably the disclosure of NHI tech would have a significant bearing on the current geo-political situation? Particularly if the US or other powers have functioning craft or tech derived from UAP's. Also, if there was some kind of accord, do the insiders consider that Russia has broken this by threatening to use nuclear weapons?
⦁ What do Chris Mellon, Jim Semivan, Steve Justice et all know about the real UFO reverse engineering projects. It's impossible to believe that as members of TTSA and confidants of DeLonge ,they did not know about his claims to have been briefed by the insiders from within the deep state UAP project.
⦁ Are Senators aware of how the current process began, and the claims made by DeLonge that it started with insiders from within the military industrial complex. Has DeLonge been invited to give evidence?
Points to look out for in Grusch's longer interview:
I consider that there are some major claims already out there about the nature of the UAP Phenomena and the coverup, that it’s important to consider in light of new evidence. Most relate to information that DeLonge/Elizondo and TTSA put forward, but where appropriate I have noted other sources that agree. Unfortunately, it’s not practical to source them all, but you are welcome to look into them if you have the time.
I have only included claims/observations that come from people I consider may have have direct insider knowledge, as opposed to speculations from ufology in general. It's highly unlikely all of them will be accurate.
UAP projects:
⦁ AATIP/AAWSAP/AARO are not the real UAP projects - other projects exist within hidden mechanisms of the deep state. (Delonge/the Wilson Memo/Mellon)
⦁ The projects exists within unacknowledged special access programmes.
⦁ The cover up is connected to Wright Patterson , Lockheed Martin and the Department of Energy (DOE).
⦁ In particular the Foreign Technology Research Division at Wright Patterson AFB.
⦁ The DOE mechanism for secrecy is effective, as they are a civilian organisation, and I believe are not subject to FOIA, with their own parallel Q Clearance. It's suggested it also it fell into the pervue as it was determined at an early stage post WW2 that UFO encounters were correlated with nuclear tests and facilities.
⦁ Materials are also held by private contactors, some of which may no longer be under government pervue.
⦁ There are two reasons for this - firstly their scientific and technological know-how, and secondly that as private organisations they are immune from FOIA.
⦁ In many cases the cost of security on these contractor programs is vastly more than the R & D costs (Dr Eric Davis - if memory serves).
⦁ As well as Lockheed, Battelle is also implicated as having UAP materials. (Jacques Vallee)
⦁ There are reverse engineering projects that have been in existence since at least Roswell.
UAP craft and materials:
⦁ The recovered crash material shows unusual metamaterial properties. Such as unusual bismuth zinc alloys which are possibly waveguides for Terahertz radiation. (Putoff/TTSA)
⦁ The metamaterials show unusual Isotope ratios which may indicate they are not manufactured in the solar system (TTSA, Vallee, Nolan)
⦁ These properties of recovered crash materials -were discovered before the advent of metamaterials science.
⦁ The craft show signs of being manufactured at the nanoscale using quantum entanglement and the polarized vacuum. (DeLonge's advisor).
⦁ There is a significant correlation between nuclear facilities and UAP incursions. UAP have turned off and turned on ICMB missiles. (DeLonge, Mellon etc, also Robert Hastings and just about everyone!)
⦁ Multiple UAP were downed by EM pulses from nuclear tests - some on purpose. In particular Starfish Prime. UAP have also been downed in lightning storms. (I believe that relates to Roswell). (DeLonge, and others I believe)
⦁ It's suggested that some UAP were deliberately "crashed" to give different nations technology that would perpetuate conflict. (DeLonge/TTSA)
The nature of the UAP intelligence:
⦁ Insiders believe that the UFO phenomena occurs at the nexus of Consciousness and Quantum Mechanics, and no one really understands it. (Semivan).
⦁ Insiders believe the intelligence may not be alien, but ultraterrestrial. There are no compelling signs they are from outer space. (Delonge, TTSA, Elizondo, Semivan) - seems to be the most striking comonality IMO.
⦁ There are multiple NHI presences with competing goals. (TTSA/DeLonge)
⦁ The phenomena can take/create multiple forms which may not necessarily be representative of their true form or point of origin. (AAWSAP, Kelleher, Semivan)
⦁ EM/plasma manifestations are connected and potentially more primary than the craft/bodies. (AAWSAP)
⦁ The phenomena has been with us through much of our pre-history and may have initiated contacts that were designed to create religious ideologies that favored the NHI’s goals. (DeLonge/Vallee - tentative).
⦁ The phenomena may not be material in out frame of reference, but creates physical manifestations - from EM orbs to craft - from the “ground up”. (AAWSAP, Kelleher et al)
⦁ The phenomena is linked to Psi “paranormal” effects. (AAWSAP/Davis/Vallee)
⦁ The phenomena is linked to the Hitchhiker Effect, where exposure leads to persistent and escalating “paranormal” / Psi” type effects akin to a viral vector. (AAWSAP, Kelleher, Dr Travis Taylor, Dr Eric Davis)
⦁ Exposure to the phenomena including UAP drives and Contact events is correlated with non ionizing radiation injuries and brain changes in the Caudate Putamen region. (Nolan, KelleheAAWASP)
⦁ There are tells that the Phenomena may be from a different frequency of reality emerging into our own, or from that we can observe through the EM spectrum. (Elizondo/DeLonge)
⦁ Highly placed insiders within NASA and the intelligence agencies seek to directly contact the phenomena. See Tyler American Cosmic, and UFO’s of God (Pulsaka/Blesdoe)
⦁ Some if if not all NASA astronauts encountered the phenomena in space and bought something home with them that persists. (Blesdoe referring to information from "Tyler")
⦁ The Phenomena can create religious type manifestation,s including what insiders call manifestations of "the Lady" (Semivan/American Cosmic/Blesdoe/Semivan)
⦁ The UFO phenomena is in direct contact with individuals and the intelligence agencies know this .(DeLonge, Semivan, Pulsaka, Blesdoe etc)
⦁ The Phenomena can appear at will and there is nothing the government can do to stop it. Such as appearing in your room at night - if the Government told people they would need therapy. This is one reason for the coverup, as it’s so disturbing (Semivan)
The Coverup:
⦁ The coverup dates back to at least WW2 - DeLonge claims that the Nazi's recovered UAP.
⦁ The cover up is not what people think it is - it's global. but America are leading it. (DeLonge)
⦁ It's managed by a "different kind of mechanism" - it's not the government or intelligence agencies per se. (DeLonge)
⦁ The real Cold War was between humanity and the NHI. (DeLonge)
⦁ The US Government has been reverse engineering craft to give them an advantage against NHI while keeping it hidden under cover of the Cold War. (DeLonge)
⦁ Senior DoD/intelligence agency staff such as Admiral Wilson were denied access to UAP projects. (The Wilson Memo, Dr Eric Davis)
⦁ Their is a clandestine organisation possibly goverment contractor involved in the coverup that has commited crimes including assasinating people who knew too much. (DeLonge).
Technological implications:
⦁ The technology for clean energy exists within the study of the UFO phenomena. (DeLonge, Greer {sorry!} )
⦁ America has utilized some aspects of UAP technology and may have hybrid craft. (DeLonge)
⦁ One of the concerns for not disclosing this technology is that it could be used to make weapons by terrorists and humany is not ready for it. (can't remember the source of this - British analysist who did the UAP report for Israeli intelligence)
Geopolitical situation:
⦁ America works (or has worked in the past) with its enemies on the subject - presumably including Russia. (DeLonge)
⦁ Multiple nations are aware of the NHI presence and trying to retrived crashed tech or down UAP in order to gain technological advantage. (either against each other or the NHI). (DeLonge).
There's probably much more, but these are the points that stick in my mind, and the ones I am most interested in knowing about.

Introduction
As a big guy myself, standing at 6’4” with a size 13 shoe, I often wonder about what it would actually take for someone like me to disappear. I’m the type or person who friends use as a marker to find their way through a crowd, and I’m almost instantly recognizable walking down the street.
That being said, there is one place where I could almost certainly disappear without a trace: the wilderness. I think many underestimate just how easy it is to go missing in the wilderness, even a rather small wilderness. A single wrong turn or a mistaken landmark can spell doom for even seasoned woodland travelers.
Honestly, I attribute this underestimation to the popularity of “Missing 411” cases. Many assume that those who went missing in heavily wooded areas or national parks must have disappeared as a result of something supernatural or conspiratorial, simply because they can’t accept just how easily and remorselessly nature can gobble us up.
If I suddenly decided to go missing within society, I think I’d be found in no time. But if I went missing in the wilderness, it’s always possible that I would never be found, even if my body came to rest nearby well-traveled thoroughfares.
I bring all this up because I think much the same for former American professional basketball player Rico Harris, who is even more recognizable than myself. Harris is a Black male, who stands at 6’9” tall, weighs 300 lbs., and has distinctive tattoos, such as one that reads “BALLIN IV LIFE” across his left forearm. If he’s alive, he’s almost certainly worked very hard to keep his presence secret, both from his family and from law enforcement.
Police investigators have suggested that Harris simply walked away from the scene of his disappearance, got in a car, and headed somewhere to start a new life. While there are certainly factors that point to this being a logical possibility, at least in terms of where Harris was in his life mentally and emotionally, I think that the lack of sightings of an individual that matches his description in the almost nine years since he went missing makes it far more likely that Rico Harris’ body is lying somewhere in the wilderness near where he vanished and that it simply hasn’t been located by anyone.
I feel that police assertions that Harris may have simply left the scene to start a new life are wishful thinking, designed to provide the family with false hope and perhaps prevent law enforcement from having to conduct further searches to recover Harris’ remains. Regardless of your opinion on the case, let’s review what we do know so that we can make an educated guess on what we don’t.
Rico Harris’ Life and Struggles
Rico Harris’ life followed a tragic path tread by far too many young, talented athletes. He had the physical talent to play in the NBA but none of the mental or emotional intelligence and maturity to deal with such instant stardom.
Harris seemed to maintain a sort of love/hate relationship with the game of basketball and had actually taken a break from it before returning for his final two years at Temple City High School, where he quickly became a local star, with scouts comparing his play style to that of NBA player Lamar Odom.
Harris was soon recognized as one of the nation’s top 100 prospects and received scholarship offers from such blue-blood basketball programs as Connecticut, Kentucky, and UCLA. Ultimately, however, Harris would commit to Arizona State. He would never play a game there.
He wasn’t eligible to play during his freshman year but stayed on campus, away from family and other positive role models in his life. He struggled academically and socially before being accused of unlawful imprisonment and sexual assault by two young women on campus.
These women stated that Harris and two of his other teammates had prevented them from leaving and forced them to perform sex acts on them. However, after further investigation, police dismissed the charges against Harris and his teammates after noting discrepancies in the girls’ stories. Nonetheless, the Arizona State basketball team had seen and heard enough to sit Harris for his upcoming sophomore season.
Deciding that he needed to pursue his basketball career elsewhere, Harris transferred to Los Angeles Community College where, surrounded by inferior talent, he began to shine once again and again became a star, attracting NBA scouts to games who still saw potential in the young phenom.
After the season, Harris planned to transfer to Rhode Island. However, a failed class prevented his transfer from going through, and he chose to return to LACC for a second season. An offer from Rhode Island remained on the table next year, but Harris shocked everyone by instead transferring to Cal State Northridge, stating to one confidante that he believed that the LACC coach was merely trying to use him to help out his friend, who was the Rhode Island head coach.
Instead, he wanted to remain closer to home and work with a coach he trusted. Harris sadly had a long history of rejecting and mistrusting men who tried to play a fatherly role in his life, likely an issue stemming from his own broken relationship with his father, who could quickly turn from friendly to violent and who his mother eventually moved away from with the children to escape.
Eventually, Harris would also be suspended by Northridge as well, which officially brought about an end to his collegiate career. Harris spoke out about feeling pressured by everyone around him; this pressure led him to increasingly turn to drugs and alcohol, which likely further hampered his performance on the court.
In the 1999 NBA Draft, no team decided to take a risk on Harris, leaving him to go to the now defunct International Basketball League. In 2000, Harris joined the Harlem Globetrotters, and it felt like his big break. Their fun-loving antics seemed like a great fit for his skills and talents.
Unfortunately, only about a month after joining the Globetrotters, Harris was driving with his girlfriend in South Los Angeles, when he got into a dispute with several individuals. He got out of the car to confront them when someone cracked him in the back of the head with a baseball bat.
Though Harris recovered from the wound, his balance never fully returned, and he continued to suffer from frequent intense headaches. Harris’ basketball career was, sadly, over.
Harris Spirals, Then Seemingly Recovers
Harris felt completely rudderless. He did not know what to do with his life now that his basketball career was over. His alcohol addiction worsened, and he began to develop dependencies on heroin, methamphetamine, and crack.
Harris was arrested over one hundred times, most often for public intoxication, and he was clearly struggling. His lowest moment came in 2007, when he overdosed on prescription medication and nearly died.
After a lengthy rehabilitation period with the Salvation Army in downtown Los Angeles. Afterwards, he began working in security, a role that he seemed ideally suited for and seemed to enjoy well enough.
In 2012, he began dating Jennifer Song, an insurance broker from Seattle that he met while working a security detail. In September 2014, Harris abandoned his apartment in Los Angeles, intending to move in with Song full-time up in Seattle.
Though Song reported that they had a good relationship, many of Harris’ friends and relatives saw quite a bit of tension in their relationship leading up to Harris’ disappearance. Based on Harris’ history, it seems likely that some of this tension was connected to his living away from home, which had always caused problems in the past.
But despite this perceived tension, Harris seemed to have truly turned his life around, with his addictions in the rearview mirror, when he suddenly went missing on October 10, 2014.
Rico Harris Vanishes
On October 9, 2014, Harris visited his family home with the goal of completing his move in with Song. His visit was brief. He apparently purchased a new phone for his younger brother, which shows that his financial struggles likely were not at the forefront of his mind.
He also spoke with his mother. Song told police that she thought Harris was seeking closure related to some difficult childhood events. His mother later stated that she did not feel that he got what he was looking for.
Harris’ close friend David Lara had spoken to Harris on his trip down to Southern California and reported that Harris seemed optimistic and was looking forward to marrying and starting a family with Song. Little is known, however, about Harris’ mood after visiting with his family.
Harris began his drive back up to Seattle, heading north on Interstate 5, stopping for gas in Lodi before continuing up north of Sacramento. There, about 10:45 am on the morning of October 10, Harris decided to get some rest, convinced by Song’s urging since had now been awake for 36 straight hours. He left Song a voice message, telling her that he was going “up into the mountains to rest.”
I’ve always found this phrasing particularly odd. I’ve heard people say they’re figuratively going “into the mountains” to find a place to pull over or find a motel, but the full “up into the mountains” has always struck me as being very literal, and perhaps a sign that Harris was already suffering through a bit of a mental breakdown before officially stopping for the day.
Regardless of intention, at 11:15 am, Harris turned off his phone. He has not been officially seen, heard from, or positively identified since.
The Search for Rico Harris
Friends and family initially assumed that Harris would just turn up. It wasn’t unusual for him to disappear for a couple days at a time. However, by October 14th, after missing an interview he had been excited for in Seattle, Harris was finally reported missing.
Later that day, Yolo County police located Harris’ vehicle, seemingly abandoned in a county park parking lot near Cache Creek. The inside of the car was a mess. It was also out of fuel and had a dead battery.
A mile south of Harris’ car they found his backpack. Inside was his cell phone, which was dead but otherwise seemed fine.
There were also two plastic bottles, one filled with a solution that seemed to be hard liquor mixed with an energy drink. The other was empty but smelled strongly of liquor. Sources seem to disagree on whether the bottles were found in his car or his backpack. Regardless of where they were found, it is clear that Harris had either relapsed or had been successfully hiding his addiction as of late.
Police combed Cache Creek Canyon without success. They used infrared imaging from planes, perused the area on foot and on ATVs, and brought out tracking and cadaver dogs. There was no sign of Harris, and nobody could imagine how such a large man had simply vanished.
Several sightings were reported of a man who matched Harris’ description, and to be quite frank, I can’t imagine there were that many men who could be mistaken for Harris in the area at that time. He was spotted walking along the side of the road and sitting on a guardrail, looking at the creek. These sightings took place on October 10 and 11, shortly after Harris’ last known contact with family and friends.
Police found selfies on Harris’ phone showing him posing joyfully beside a sign welcoming him to Yolo County; perhaps he was amused by the name, with YOLO being common parlance (particularly at the time he went missing) for “You only live once.”
There was also an apparently accidental video that showed Harris rifling through his glove box, singing along to his music and seemingly in good spirits despite his somewhat erratic behavior.
Had Harris’ story ended here, it would have still been compelling, but it went further. On October 18, a truck driver reported seeing a man who matched Harris’ description walking near the parking lot where his Nissan had been left.
Imprints were later found in the parking lot that were not defined enough to have a cast made. However, they were apparently not consistent with animal prints and were large enough that they could very well have come from a size 18 shoe. As someone who wears a size 13, I can tell you that that’s a huge footprint and not something that could be left by just anyone. The shoeprints were allegedly leading away from the parking lot.
No legitimate sightings of Harris have been reported since.
Analysis of Harris’ Disappearance
Let’s begin by looking at the official police narrative of Rico Harris’ disappearance. Law enforcement has asserted that there is no evidence of foul play in Harris’ disappearance. I tend to agree with this assessment. By all accounts, Harris came to Yolo County alone, and there were no signs of a struggle surrounding his disappearance.
Furthermore, if you find the eyewitness testimony of those who allegedly saw him reliable, as I do given his unique stature, he was never spotted with anyone else.
Where I differ from law enforcement is in my belief about what happened to Rico Harris and his intent throughout the whole process. Police believe that Harris only arrived in Yolo County by accident, that he took a wrong turn and ended up out there.
I’m not sure he did. He told Song that he planned to go “up into the mountains.” Perhaps this is what he meant; perhaps something within him led him to stray from his established path, perhaps because he was having a mental breakdown or for spiritual reasons or simply because he felt like he needed a place off the beaten path to rest.
I think it’s possible that he took a wrong turn and got lost, but neither his selfies nor his communications with Song (where he mentioned nothing about being lost) nor his actions thereafter really suggest this.
Next up, police don’t seem to have any kind of theory, at least publicly, as to what happened in the days between Harris’ initial disappearance and his return to the parking lot on October 18th. I doubt he was in town anywhere nearby, since local law enforcement was actively working to ensure that locals knew they were looking for Harris. Despite this, there are no reports of him in town, despite his size which would have immediately set him apart.
I theorize that Harris was likely out in the woods during this time. If he had relapsed on alcohol, it is not beyond reason that he may have had access to other drugs as well. Perhaps Harris turned this incident into an unexpected retreat. Detectives say that Harris looked like “a free man” in the videos found of him. Perhaps this inspired him to go into nature, even with or without the influence of drugs and alcohol.
So why did Harris not return for eight full days? Maybe this is when he ran out of drugs. Maybe he had become lost and only found his way back by that point. Perhaps he had finally had a reality check and decided that it was time to return to his life.
Regardless, I do believe that Harris returned to the parking lot. The shoeprints along with the sighting are enough to make me feel that this was legitimate. After this, police suggest that Harris either went into the woods or into town. One detective goes so far as to suggest that, “We have no sightings, so he probably got a ride.”
This is where I strongly disagree with law enforcement. I don’t think that Rico Harris left to start another life. He seemed to struggle mightily with being far from home and family, and I can’t imagine he would run away, then spend almost nine years without so much as briefly contacting a family member or friend.
And to return to the subject at the beginning of this piece, I don’t mean to suggest that it would be completely impossible for Harris to vanish into a new life, but his physical circumstances would make that especially difficult. I think that it would take a whole lot of work for Harris to disappear into another life fully, and I just don’t think the evidence points to him either being at that point or being willing to commit himself to so difficult a project.
Personally, I find it far more likely that Harris wandered back into the woods, dejected to find his car missing, and either committed suicide or accidentally died, having seen his missing vehicle as the final proof that he wasn’t meant to return to ordinary life.
Looking at photographs of Cache Creek Canyon, I’m honestly surprised this is not brought up more often. Police often speak as if Harris went missing in a small city park and that they’d certainly find him if he was there.
I’m just not so sure. Cache Creek Canyon looks like it contains plenty of dense foliage. I feel like a body, even one the size of Rico Harris’s, could easily evade detection, particularly if located far from the main trails.
Conclusion
Unlike many cases I cover on here, where the victim has been missing for far too long to realistically still be alive, Rico Harris has been missing for less than a decade. If he did indeed run away, as the police seem ready to accept, he could very well be alive.
If you know a 6’9”, 300 lbs. Black man with a “BALLIN IV LIFE” tattoo and a mysterious past, please consider contacting Yolo County law enforcement. Heck, if you are Rico, consider contacting them yourself. I don’t know anything about the demons of your past, but I do know that there are people who love you and who deserve to know that you’re okay.
However, I find it far more likely that Rico is still out there somewhere near Cache Creek Canyon, his tale sadly having come to an end in a corner of the park that nobody’s checked yet. Maybe he’ll stay there forever, unfound and unburied.
This is truly a case where I just don’t know what to think. I don’t understand why law enforcement’s active theory, or at least publicly promoted theory, is that he hitched a ride and drove away. It just doesn’t add up to me, and I can’t help but wonder if they have additional reasons for thinking this that they haven’t shared with the public.
Nonetheless, I hope we can find Harris one way or another, so that his family have can closure if nothing else. These days, they sit around wondering what happened to him, and wondering if one word, one phrase, one answer could have changed things entirely.
Sources
https://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-missing-basketball-player-20190316-story.html
https://www.vizaca.com/rico-harris-missing/
https://allthatsinteresting.com/rico-harris
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rico\_Harris

TLDR; I wanted to do some casual gaming on a Frankenstein PC build, and within 2 weeks my office has become a sim racing dojo.
After trolling Reddit for years, I’ve found something I am interested and “proud” enough to post about. So here it goes -
I've recently gotten into sim racing. While I am a noob and have a lot to learn, I have learned a lot in a short time so far, and am enjoying just being immersed into a hobby, both while doing it and doing "for" it. I have learned to research a lot, spend $$$ where you need to, and DIY where you can. I'm not looking to be competitive or beat the Joneses, rather just have a fun experience where I can turn off the world and feel like I am somewhere else by sight, feel, and sound. Hopefully this post is inspiring to others, educational, reminiscent of your beginnings, or just a fun read. I would also be interested to know your thoughts on my setup. Did I do it right/wrong? What would have been a better decision/route? What can I do for the next big thing?
I built my first and only PC close to 10 years ago and played shooter games/GTA. It’s long since gone and I’ve been wanting to get another “lazy” hobby.
I had an old HP PC lying around I got off eBay about a year ago. Decided to buy a high-end GPU and do some casual gaming on it. Wanted to do 4k so went ahead and got a used rtx 3090 on eBay for $700 shipped. I knew the CPU would be the bottleneck if I really wanted to push things eventually (i7-7700) but decided the build was enough for what I was wanting for now. Well… I have always been interested in cars and within the past 2 years, more interested in Formula 1 (thanks Drive to Survive). I got an old Xbox controller and loaded up steam/F1 22 and was pretty intrigued by how fun it was just using my thumbs lol. I decided I would go ahead and get a wheel/pedal combo to see HOW much more fun it could possibly be… whoops…
I got the Logitech G923 and was delighted with the novel sense of "driving" for the first time. I decided to keep looking at other ways to make the experience more "complete" as I was sitting in a dining chair, had my wheel clamped to a sliding keyboard drawer, and had my 38in ultrawide as close to the wheel as possible. Seeing as I did not want to upgrade my monitor, I figured it would be a great time to try VR for the first time. I had always wanted to wait until VR was a little more mature and I wasn't in a grainy, cartoon world. I read great things about the implementation in sim titles and started doing my research on which headset to go with.
HP Reverb G2 v2 (even despite the WMR situation) seemed to be the way to go in regard to visual fidelity and price point, so again... I found a really great deal on eBay for about $290.
Side note - At this point, I had already saved up birthday, Christmas, and other fun monies, so I felt ok with making some additional purchases (the GPU was planned and saved for aside from subsequent items in this post).
Well... first time ever in VR and my mind was blown. I was instantly hooked. I have played all sorts of racing games in the past, but I have never in my life felt so immersed into a game, even thinking back to my childhood days of Zelda OoT- different genre, but same concept. Back to racing... The spatial awareness and depth perception of racing in a different world made any prior racing game/sim experience obsolete to me. I knew I could not go back to a monitor, at least as my primary way. The only problem was that my Frankenstein PC came back to bite me much sooner than I had wanted. The CPU was choking the GPU. I would get 60-70 FPS but even worse, so much stuttering and inconsistent FPS. So... I decided if I really wanted to go any further, I had to take care of this before anything else.
I ended up building a new PC while salvaging what I could from my current build. I added a Gigabyte z690 MB, i7-12700k, Dark Rock Pro 4 cooler, and Antec FT1 case- all AW deals excluding a new i7 for $250 shipped. Once I got it all together, smooth 90 FPS all the way.
During the same time of the VR experience and PC build, I knew I wanted a cockpit/rig, but could not swallow the price tag in order to do it right. Well, I started woodworking last year, and have built a few furniture items for my house, so I figured I could give the DIY route a try- I just didn't want something that was sketchy or an eye sore. I studied lots of different consumer rigs as well as other DIY builds, and I ended up jotting down some dimensions and forms I thought would work and just started building- making decisions/changes as I went. I found some scrap wood on the side of the road in 2 different instances. Used some black paint left over from painting a few walls in our house, put together what I thought to be a pretty decent rig. During all of this, I still did not have a seat... another pricey purchase I just didn't want to swallow. I also did not want to have a crappy looking junkyard car seat on my rig in hopes of avoiding the aforementioned eye sore. I eventually said to myself, "just go look," so I went to the junkyard one random day. Low and behold, not even a week earlier, a 2009 Audi TT had been delivered to the lot with 2 pristine front seats. What I was sure to be a bust ended up being the best part of my rig. I brought home both seats (bc why not?), cut the seat belts, wires, etc; cleaned them, and got one mounted on my rig- $25 of bliss. I would have hated myself if I had ended up sinking so much $$$ into a seat, let alone a rig. Between the rig and seat, I spent less than $50. Super solid, compact, and fits my needs exactly.
Around this time, I also decide to go ahead and build out a triple monitor setup.. Yes I know... VR is king... never go back... yaddie yah yah. However, I have 2 little babies, friends, family, etc. who I want to share this with and I am sure there will be times I don't want to wear the VR headset. All that in consideration, and the fact I already have 2 matching 27in 1440p monitors, and a triple monitor mount, it was a no-brainer to me. I got a third monitor (thanks eBay) for $100 and picked up 3x 2x4x8's from Lowes. Painted it black and it's now part of the sim corner of my office lol.
So now I have a pretty slick cockpit with triple monitors that I can move forward and backward separate from my rig. As my setup has matured from the start(literally the span of 2 weeks time), the experience has been more and more enjoyable. The only problem I have remaining is the G923. While it was a great first time experience, the "realness" of it quickly went away and it felt like a toy. On top of that, it was a loud wheel- annoyingly loud. Well... I've done everything else... might as well just get a direct drive and have a complete, all around experience.
After much research and deliberation on what to buy, where to buy, when to buy, etc. I decided on a Moza R9, SRP Pedals, and GS v2 wheel. Side note - Thanks to u/neebsd whose post told me exactly what I needed to know for my wheel/base, pedal decision! Being brand new with little experience, I wanted to know what it was like to go from a G923 to Moza r9 and his post sealed it for me.
I went back and forth on getting a Moza r5... also whether to get an ES wheel with a formula mod paired with the R9. At the end of the day, I was worried the r5 would be too little for me (I think I was right and am VERY happy I went with the r9) and that the ES wheel, while cost effective ($500 for a wheel???) would leave me wishing I did a nicer wheel for both form factor and quality of materials/feel.
So here I am today, a little delayed on my post, but not even a month later and I am VERY happy with all of my decisions. I can usually find things I wish I had done differently, either regret or just "meh, if I could do it again" feeling, but I am 100% happy with all of my decisions along the way. Whereas I spent some cash for a wheelbase/wheel, and pedals, new PC components, a VR headset, etc., I am proud of how I saved at least $800 on a good(relative) cockpit/seat combo and instead leveraged recent new found skills and somebody else's trash.
And of course... so much fun actually enjoying this new hobby.
Pics (or it didn't happen) - https://imgur.com/gallery/vNdGbYY

Me (22f) and my bf (25m) are in a long distance relationship until our finances allow us to close the gap. We’ve had a rough patch due to him not being empathetic/emotionally supportive while Im going through unemployment and moving back in with my abusive parents. This ties in because I had to work very hard to afford the 6 hour drive to support him at his friends wedding. Since he was a groomsmen I expected him to chat it up with his pals but after a while it got to the point where they became his date. This carried on into the after party which had a casual attire (he didn’t make me aware of this so I was the only dressed up person). At the after party me and some of his friends got to talking about the bouquet toss. One of his friends said that if his gf catches the bouquet he’s running. I rolled my eyes in response because this same friend is on the verge of being dumped by his gf (my boyfriend is also aware of this). So imagine my surprise when I end up being the one catching the bouquet and I see my bf running out of the building from the corner of my eye. All of his guy friends were laughing but all the women had this look off mutual distaste. My heart practically shattered into a million pieces. I don’t expect to be married or engaged any time soon because I want to be debt free and in my first home by the time I’m married. The problem is that he did all of this to humiliate me for his friends enjoyment. He apologized after but then got frustrated because I brought up why it was wrong again. What do you guys think I should do? I’m going to talk to him tonight.
Additional information: these are also friends that he’s supposed to be dumping because they’re taking crappy paths in life. He’s also hard working and practices southern manners. He opens doors, pulls out chairs and will go near Broke to make sure he’s paying for half of our meals. He’s also atleast cut off a lot of his friends because he found out they were racist and against him dating a black woman.

I'm going to go ahead and flair this a "ride" rather than a race. I took part in the "25" mile short course (actually 30 miles), which was timed but non-competitive with no awards.
If anyone's been following along with my various posts and comments, this was my first organized cycling event, and as such I don't have any points of comparison. This is more about putting my personal experiences of the day down in writing and sharing with others who might be new to the "scene" as well.
Training
To be honest, I was very unprepared for this race. I signed up for it shortly after buying my Trek Marlin 5 as motivation to get out riding. In that regard it worked, but I was short on time to get much training in. I rode a total of 127 miles in 10 rides prior to the day of the KLGC, with my longest ride being 20 miles the week before. I had a little bit of a running base, so I wasn't completely green, but we all know different muscles are used for each.
I was definitely concerned about the length as well as the elevation this ride presented.
Morning of
Up at 6:30 AM to get on the road by 7:15. Stopped at a sheetz and got a breakfast croissant, iced tea (my morning caffeine), water, and some peanut M&Ms for ride fuel. I had a 2 1/2 hour drive to make, and was trying to hydrate as much as I could, so I ended up having to stop a total of 3 times on the way up. This put me behind schedule and I ended up not arriving until 10:30am. I was one of the last ones in the parking lot.
On the plus side, there was no line to get my bib. I grabbed it and went back to the car to get combobulated. I had just enough time to get the bike ready, get sunscreen on, get my bib situated on my jersey, and hit the bathroom for one more pee (again, no line as they had already announced several times that we were supposed to be at the start line).
In retrospect, I definitely should've gotten there 15-30 minutes earlier to be a little less rushed. However, it did mean that I didn't have enough time to get a bunch of nerves built up (granted, I'd already been doing that in the car ride up).
The Ride
So, the important part. Having watched the long course riders take off, I lined up at the very back of the short course field. I was hoping that being at the back would keep me from taking off too fast. It worked for about 1/2 mile until I couldn't take being behind someone any more and started riding at a comfortable pace. Unfortunately, a comfortable pace at the beginning of the ride proved to be too fast (duh).
The first 5 miles ticked by quickly. We rode some pavement and made a lovely climb through a vineyard. The top of the climb had the nicest view of the lake, and I wish I would've taken 30 seconds to stop and grab a picture. I felt it was too early for a break, though, and kept plugging along.
After the vineyard, we zipped down a short paved section and then made a right turn onto The Hill^tm .
It was everything I hoped it wouldn't be. The gravel surface was fine, no issues there, but the grade was impressive. It was at this point that I was very happy to be on a 29'er with low gearing. Lots of people were walking their bikes, and even some of those had to stop for a breather partway. I honestly think this was where I made up most of my positions on the board.
I stayed clipped in and just plugged along. There were a few points where I thought about stopping and walking, but I was afraid I couldn't get unclipped and put my feet down in time if I tried to stop. By the top, my lungs were screaming, but I made it. The decision to ride it out may have been a poor one, as this is about the point where my right knee started to hurt.
What goes up does indeed have to come down (at least when you're riding a circuit), and the course was no exception. At this point, I was actually happy that I'd caught up to 2 riders who were being slightly cautious on the downhill. There's a good chance I might've stretched it out a little too much and lost control on an unfamiliar surface if I'd had the road wide open in front of me.
The rest of the ride had some long stretches of pavement, but decidedly tamer terrain. I periodically popped a few M&Ms and kept hydrating, but I wasn't really sure how often I should be eating as I was now in uncharted territory as far as ride length. My knee really started to bother me, and that was taking most of my attention.
For a while I could get around the knee pain by getting up on the pedals, but by the final 2 hills the stabilizing muscles were done for as well. Speaking of, as we turned onto the final road that was going to take us back to the brewery, my watch showed 2.5 miles to the finish. Just as we were approaching Pulteney, we were suddenly directed off-course by a road closure.
This may have been announced at the starting line when I was rushing around getting ready, but it was a surprise to me. The official course arrows were set up to direct us on a short detour, though, and we soon rejoined the main road.
As we finished up the last 2 miles, I was just done. The saddle that I'd chosen to replace the factory one on my Marlin was not doing me any favors. My knee was hurting and I couldn't get up on the pedals to relieve my seat pain anymore. As I got within sight of the finish line, I had nothing left to cross at any sort of an impressive pace. The 25+ mile course ended a hair over 30 miles.
Post Race
I took my time getting discombobulated post-race. First order of business was getting out of my sweaty riding stuff and back into street clothes. I don't know how people were still walking around with their kit on hours later when there were bathrooms available for changing. I was happy to have remembered baby wipes for cleaning off the dust/sunscreen mix that was all over my arms and legs.
I wandered back towards the brewery to scope out the food situation. There were 2 options - Tacos or pizza. The tacos smelled great, but I wasn't 100% confident in my digestive system's status at that moment, and opted for a BBQ chicken pizza instead.
As I sat in the grass waiting for my pizza, there was a long line of new orders being taken. At one point I heard the guy say it would be 45 minutes to someone who had placed their order probably 15 minutes after me. As the time ticked on, I observed several people come up to inquire about the status of their pizza. The responses were a bit exasperated indicating that they would be out when they were done. The staff were obviously working as fast as possible, and honestly it was impressive how many pies they were turning out of one oven.
Not wanting to add to their stress, I sat and waited, growing hungrier with each passing pie. Finally after an hour and a half, most everyone around me was done and gone... the podiums and awards were complete, and I wasn't certain I could muster the energy to flag down the delivery guy. But I did, and although he didn't admit it, after going and looking for my order he somewhat sheepishly came back and asked what I had ordered, so I'm almost certain that my slip had gotten lost. Perhaps whisked away by the unrelenting wind.
After another 10 minutes, I had my pizza and downed it with (perhaps a bit too much) gusto. It was good, but I definitely shouldn't have waited that long to ask about it.
Conclusion
Would I do it again? Yeah, probably. I do feel that there was a lot of pavement for a "gravel" ride. Maybe the long course ends up with a higher % of gravel, but the short definitely had a lot of pavement. The gravel itself was good, though. Course conditions were great, although obviously dry with the lack of rain we've had. The weather was ALMOST perfect, but the wind knocked that down a few points.
The ride was very well supported. I had the course loaded in my Garmin watch in case I zoned out, but the turns were also well-marked and major intersections had traffic control courtesy of local fire and police departments. I saw the support truck several times and never felt like I was far from help if I needed it.
Post race was a little bit disappointing. I'm not sure if I missed something, but after crossing the line I just rode back to my car, and then had to go to the brewery to buy something to drink to supplant my now-empty water bottles. I know a lot of people were going for the post-ride beer anyway, but I don't drink so it would've been nice to see some complementary water or something.
Now that I've got one down, I'm looking forward to seeking out other local rides and continuing to build my abilities!
Pictures from the day (none of the course, sorry... I was concentrating on finishing) - https://imgur.com/a/TPtQUmk

Starship Troopers: Extermination (let's call it "ST:Ex" from here on for brevity) is fantastic and way better than I thought it'd be, but this post isn't about that game really, it's about some insights it revealed about Star Citizen ground gameplay and combat.
TLDR - Valk may not be a great dropship, but it is a great exfil ship. Risk/reward ground objectives are a good way to force non-ship combat. Player interactions on the ground can be greatly expanded with gadgets and a few tweaks. Temporary player owned structures could be a good compromise for many of the unknowns about player outposts and raiding.
​

• The Valk's Combat Role may be Slight Misunderstood - There's a lot of frustrations with the Valkyrie in combat scenarios that gets kicked around. Most around 3 things: lack of HP for what it is, large crew demand/low solo-ability compared to competitor ships, and other dropships "doing it better for less." Essentially, why should I use 5 crew to have an effective dropship in battle that carries less, can take less damage, and dishes out less than a Herc can w/ 3 crew?
  • Every ST:Ex match ends with a hectic, sometimes panicked dash for a very Valkyrie-like rescue exfil ship as other players already there desperately try to cover your sprint to the finish line. It made me realize the Valk may not shine as an attack dropship, but it seems far better specialized as a combat rescue/exfil vehicle ("dropship" seems to insinuate deployment). It shines at intaking a large amount of players quickly, and maybe a vehicle or two. Previously, I didn't differentiate - a dropship should be equally good at dropping off as it is picking up, but that just isn't the case in SC. You'd have to be absolutely insane to pack a single Valk with 20 players (+5 crew) and head into battle. The volume of dropseats has confounded me for years until I realized it's not for dropoff, it's for latitude when picking up. Everyone is guaranteed a seat to GTFO at high speeds. Additionally, no other SC ship has the same 360 degree coverage to secure it's own perimeter - that's what the crew demand is for, not fighting off other ships or managing the cargo bay.
  • Prowler and Herc are two main Valk competitors, but they too have their optimal situations.
  • As for HP, the Valk does currently need a big boost for what it is. It'll get it's armor someday.
• Situations that Call for Troops - This is a heavily theorycrafted subject by both devs and fans. What are the conceits that can be built into SC that won't feel arbitrary but will promote a ground game over just flying in? Having a team of Marines isolated on the ground with minimal air support is something that will really, really shine in SC once there's scenarios to promote it. The UGFs will be really nice, but they're akin to a "dungeon crawl." I'm referring to a true open world scenario that requires a squad on the ground working together that wouldn't just be quickly solved with a MOAB or a hovering ship blasting away. A lot of the theories have to do with area denial (storms, environmental hazards, ground shields, or stronger AA turrets), but offering functionality rather than taking it away may work equally well.
  • The missions of ST:Ex offer an interesting take on it: to secure valuable resources, you need to construct temporary resource extractors on the ground and then monitor, defend, and move the resources. Something a ship can't do. A SC ship could cover you in a similar scenario, but (thankfully) ship weapons are awful at targeting personnel. Truly securing a ground perimeter would fall to FPS and vehicles. The only thing we're missing is persistent and challenging ground NPC waves. Even if it was insanely valuable ground mineables within enemy or infested territory, that would work.
• True Ground Combat in SC is PlayeOrg Driven but there's Some Holes - The two big ones are the dynamics for sharing resources among players in FPS combat and area denial functionality.
  • When it comes to sharing resources during a firefight or battle, dropping mags/medpens/whatever on the ground is really the only way to do it on the fly. CIG devs have mentioned functional backpacks in the future that could drastically shift battlefield roles. If someone had an ammo pack strapped to their back that was tuned to be over-stuffed with ammo types (and maybe less functional or not at all for random items) and you could run up to them, interact w/ their pack without asking them to make themselves vulnerable by going into their own inventory, that would be huge. As a quick aside: literally the only practical use for the Drake Mule I've found is putting crates on the racks filled with ammo and driving it along the rear lines of a ground battle. Players can run right up to it, interact w/ crates, and refill ammo.
  • Area denial and battlefield gadgets in SC are also a long time coming. Like many of us, I thought even laser trip mines would be in our hands a long time ago. Everything from smoke screens, color smoke markers (that can be easily seen by air support), throwable/launchable beacons, mines, flashbangs, etc will be of immediate use in FPS. With the many grenade types you can imagine, having drums for the grenade launcher for each type is a very natural risk/reward. The drums are sizeable, the launcher is rare, and if you're bringing nonlethal and functional grenade types, you're already making a weighted tactical choice. Heck, even an underbarrel laser pointer that generates a party marker wherever it's aimed - can you imagine how effective that would be at directing air support?
• Lastly, Temporary Structures - We're all so excited for the day when we can establish our own permanent outposts, but there's some obvious big questions that still arise around that. Is it like Rust and I can be raided when I'm not online? Or will player outposts and towns be like Star Wars: Galaxies and often be perpetually empty, abandoned, and non-interactable?
  • ST:Ex involves the process of easily and quickly building a FOB (Forward Operating Base) that provides strategic advantages, is formidable, but ultimately is meant to be destroyed/temporary. With structure damage being mentioned by SC devs recently, it may be a clever solution to have certain military-aligned player structures be the more raid-able and destructible outpost types, while allowing colonial outposts to be less vulnerable. It would allow for both camps of outpost-oriented players to be appeased: those that want to have a home and not have to worry, as well as players that want the challenge/risk of raids and the associated benefits of securing areas for themselves. This would also (I presume) offer a natural weathering and eventual deletion of abandoned temporary structures, helping servers in the long run. Also, a Pioneer helping dish out a kick ass destructible FOB in no time would really open up it's functionality.

Universe by U/BlueFishCake
Previous Chapter
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I don't look like a sad orphan! I think.
Sean was frantically looking through his extremely limited supply of "nice" clothes. Haali had reminded him that while they were proper business attire, they weren't exactly glamorous or flattering. Sean had no use for fancy clothes, so he really didn't have any. Now here he was kicking himself for not having at least one nice shirt.
He leaned over and looked at himself in the mirror and groaned, "Damnit I have no idea what I'm doing. Reflection what do I do?".
He and his reflection both shrugged, "Ugh, some use you are.".
He stuck his head back into his closet, hoping that somehow a perfect article of clothing had somehow appeared there. Coincidentally he remembered an old shirt he had "borrowed" from his dad. He hadn't noticed it before, he kept it tucked away in a box at the top of the closet and he often forgot it existed. Besides, he virtually never looked through his clothes with this level of intensity.
As he reached up to the box, he began to feel increasingly ridiculous. It was one of his dad's old shirts from his partying days back when he was a little younger than Sean. Suffice it to say, the garment could be officially qualified as "old as shit".
Sean initially took it as a joke; something to wear to 80's parties or when he just wanted to look absurd. Fashion was an ever-changing force and so much time had passed since this shirt had been woven. You could turn a lot of heads for all the wrong reasons wearing this thing. But it did have one thing going for it: it strangely reminded him of something Haali would wear.
It didn't look like his fluffy pirate shirt or anything, but it had that same "I'm here to party 'till I die look". Sean fumbled around until his hand met the box, with an odd degree of reverence he slid the box off the shelf and he sat it on his bed. He flipped the lid off with one finger and winced when he saw it again.
I forgot how outrageous this thing is...
The "Turquiose Menace" as he had come to call it, would arise once again. He held it up; he smiled, then cringed, then weakly smiled once more. He held it over himself in the mirror and tilted his head from side to side, trying to make a decision. After a few more seconds of looking, he shrugged, nodded, "It'll have to do...". He gently laid it on his bed and went to take a shower.
////////////////////////////////////////////
Haruk had been enjoying herself getting ready for tonight. She was smiling and running a brush through her hair as she hummed to herself. She had invested in a full body mirror and was enjoying the sight of herself looking so good. She was ecstatic to have an excuse to get all dressed up and look sexy. While she was quite satisfied with her appearance, she had a growing sense of dread in the back of her mind concerning Sean and Xerya.
Goddess I hope those two show up wearing something half way decent.
She stopped brushing her long hair for a moment to rotate around and check out her back side. She smiled and giggled a bit, she loved getting everything about this. She spun back around and pushed a lock of hair over her ear, she then resumed brushing her hair. As she raised the brush for another stroke, she froze.
I... I better go check on Xerya.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
Xerya wasn't used to this feeling, and she really didn't like it. She was someone who always had her shit together, and now was one of the very few times in her life where she didn't. The sliding door to her closet in her room was wide open. She had her arms outstretched, resting on the opposing sides of the closet. She had a thin sheen of stress sweat coating her face and her eyes were widened by a low grade panic attack.
Nice? What does that even mean? I think a tank top and sweat pants are nice. I know that's not what they mean, but shit, I don't really have anything to work with here!
She frantically shoved her hangers from side to side as she searched for some forgotten article of clothing. The real kick in the tits was Haali's specific ban on wearing uniforms. When she had first gotten word of their dinner date, that's exactly where her mind first went; hell, that’s what she always wore when she had to dress up. They might have been a little stiff and up tight, but it gave her a decent set of clothes that were accepted in most places.
That devious little imp had now starved her of her silver bullet for fashion. So now she was trapped in a clothesless wasteland of her own making, and she was running out of time. She was about to double down on her growing anxiety by panicking about the time but was interrupted by a knock at the door.
Several aggressive thuds on the door were followed by Haruk's voice. Her tone was a blend of teasing and legitimate concern, "Hey Xerya you alive in there? You didn't get crushed under your own tits did ya?".
Thank the goddess!
Xerya bounded over to her door, her massive jugs bouncing around with every step. She had been topless while trying to decide what to wear. She flung the door open wearing an uncharacteristically neurotic look of fear. She was greeted by the image of an irritatingly sexy and well-dressed Haruk.
At first, she thought Haruk had magically grown several inches, but then as she looked down she noticed the shoes she was wearing. A pair of high heeled sandals were strapped to her feet. She was adorned by a cobalt blue dress that clung to her hips and ass and flowed freely as it cut off just above her ankles. It accented her flat tummy and the curves of her breasts as two straps tied together behind her neck to hold the whole thing up.
She had shiny earrings on and her hair had been expertly curled and styled. Her long glossy ponytail cascaded over her left shoulder. The blue of her highlights blended with the blue of her dress...and at that point Xerya realized she was staring. At Haruk of all people.
Haruk grinned and gently slid her ponytail over her shoulder in a practiced motion, "Damn I must look good, I'm even making girls stare.".
Xerya's cheeks became tinged with blue, "I-uhh- no I wasn't!".
Haruk rolled her eyes, "Yeah ok whatever.". Her eyes then crept downward to the blue capped mountains hanging off Xerya's chest, "So uhhh", she pointed at Xerya's tits, waving her finger in a little circle, "What's going on here?".
Xerya's blush intensified, she felt vulnerable. Not because of her tits hanging out, but because she didn't have a plan. Not having a plan was not how she lived her life. "Haruk I don't know what to do! You and Sean said no uniforms and I have nothing else but my awesome comfortable clothes.".
Haruk pushed past Xerya and invaded her room while shaking her head, "My goddess...".
For such a clever and punctual person, Xerya really did live like an animal. There was clutter and random bits of clothing all over the place. Haruk spun around in place marveling at the duality of Xerya's existence, "How do you live like this?".
Xerya swung her door shut and stepped to face Haruk. She ran her hands down her cheeks, "It's worse than usual. If you can't tell, I'm sort of freaking out. What the deep do I wear? I don't know how to look good!".
Haruk didn't want to ruin her makeup, but she managed a modest face palm anyways. She chuckled lightly, "You already look good you idiot. You just need to learn how to show it!".
Xerya flailed her arms in frustration, "With what though? Look in that closet? Would you honestly allow me to wear anything in there to dinner? We both know you're going the be the self-proclaimed fashion police here.".
Haruk smiled and pointed right at Xerya's face, "And don't you forget it.".
Haruk quickly spun around and began to pick through Xerya's closet. A mere few seconds later she spun around looking like she just saw a ghost, "You're fucked.".
Xerya mirrored Haruk's terror, "...what... do I do?".
Haruk looked at her omni pad, "Well we could try to run out real fast a-".
"We don't have time!" Xerya shouted.
Haruk stood silently with her chin resting on the thumb and index finger. One of her long legs pumped rhythmically as if generating thoughts. She looked up to Xerya with a somber expression, "There's only one thing we can do then.".
Xerya was desperate, she'd try anything at this point. Sean would be arriving in a few minutes, and she was out of ideas. Her voice was full of desperation, "Whatever it is, I'll do it!".
Haruk nodded, "Come to my room, it’s up to my closet to save you.".
Haruk strode out without another word. Her mind was focused solely on the task at hand; and it was quite a task. Trying to fit Xerya into her clothes sounded impossible, but tonight they needed to accomplish exactly that.
Haruk opened Xerya's door, then her own a few seconds later. Xerya stood there looking across the hall with her hands hanging at her sides. She whispered quietly and fearfully, "But... how will I fit?".
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Sean was powerwalking his way through the corridors of the building. The black eyes of the marines were glued to him even more than usual. His shirt did not button up all the way, so he had been flashing his chest to everyone he crossed paths with. His face was burning red from all the attention.
It had been a constant stream of cat calls the whole way there. Many of the faces he recognized simply from being on the base a lot, and then there were the faces that belonged to his students. It was easy enough to ignore the strangers and run away. It was much harder to ignore Shinal stepping out of her room and staring at his chest while licking her lips.
Sean watched her nipples harden as she cooed, "You're looking... sharp today Mr. Warwick.". Sean felt obligated to say something on account of being her teacher. He smiled weakly and gave a quick, "Hi Shinal, see ya tomorrow.". He didn't even stop moving to say it. He blew past her as she leaned out her door to shamelessly stare at his ass like many others were.
Shinal pivoted back into her doorway and whispered to herself, "See you tomorrow...". She smiled up at the ceiling and disappeared back into her room.
Sean was grateful that he could see Xerya's door coming into view down the hallway. He never thought drowning in pussy could be a bad thing, until now. He laughed internally at the thought of a giant blue vagina popping out of a door somewhere and swallowing him whole like some sort of "Penis Fly-trap". He felt safer already as he gently knocked on Xerya's door.
His budding sense of safety quickly faded away as no one answered the door. That was very unlike Xerya to not stick to the plan.
I hope everything is ok. What if she's sick, or in trouble with work? That would fuck up the whole night. She better not, but she's better than that. What if something happened to her? Oh fuck maybe she's hurt... or worse!?
God damnit why does my brain always go straight to this insane shit!?
Sean looked to his right and saw several marines mingling about farther down the hall and trying very hard not to look like they were staring. Sean wanted nothing more than to disappear into Xerya's room, and now for some unknown reason he couldn't.
Fuck it, plan B.
He turned around and banged on Haruk's door in a decidedly more panicked fashion. A few seconds of insane daydreaming later and the door opened, revealing an exceptional looking Haruk.
Sean looked up extra high to meet her eyes, "Woah...".
Haruk smiled brightly and blushed, "Hi, Sean you look so...".
She bit her lip as her eyes glued themselves to his chest, "...good".
The reality of Sean's situation then dawned on Haruk. She leaned past Sean and looked into the hall; her suspicions were confirmed by the presence of the unwanted competition out there. She wrapped an arm around Sean's waist and quickly pulled him inside, "You beautiful idiot, get in here!".
Sean paced forward a bit and turned to watch Haruk push her door shut. Haruk put her hands on her hips, "You should have called one of us! You went through all that alone?".
Sean looked at the floor, "Ehh yeah, to both of those things, sorry.".
Haruk bent down and hugged Sean, "No I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be mean. I just want you to be safe.".
Sean turned and kissed her cheek as he wrapped his arms around her, "Well here I am in one piece, also, holy shit you look gorgeous!".
He broke out of her hug and stepped back to fit all of Haruk in his vision. He looked at her from head to toe, "You look so good I almost just wanna skip dinner.".
Haruk swooned, "If any of us looks good, its you! I've never seen a shirt like that. It's very se- um it looks so good on you!".
Sean laughed as he remembered how he dressed, "This thing practically came out of a time machine. It used to belong to my dad back when he was my age. I kept it just for fun, oddly enough it kind of reminded me of the shirts Haali wears.".
Haruk winked, "Well, whatever it is, it’s working.".
Sean couldn't help but to run a hand along Haruk's tight thigh, "Yeah, so is this.".
He looked up at Haruk and they swapped not so innocent smiles. Sean then membered why be was here, "So where's Xerya?".
Haruk looked to the corner of her room where her closet resided. Their rooms may not have had bathrooms in them, but they generous closets. She gently and quite reluctantly guided Sean's hand off of her thigh, "Let me go check. We had a bit of a clothing situation.".
Sean shrugged and chuckled, "Umm, ok. I hope she's about ready.".
As Haruk approached the closet Sean heard Xerya's voice, "I almost ready I swearing! And hi Sean!".
Sean smiled and looked toward the closet, "Everything ok in there?".
Haruk looked into her closet, "Oh my goddess!".
As she rounded the corner, she was greeted with the sight of Xerya annihilating her stretchiest dress. It was the only thing she had a hope of fitting into, and fitting was a very relative term in this case. She was spilling out of the top and bottom of Haruk's poor white dress.
She was frantically stuffing her tits back into the extremely low neckline. Doing so caused it to ride up her legs and damn near cause her ass to fall out the bottom. Her tits took up so much room in the dress there really wasn't much room left for the rest of her.
Xerya looked at Haruk with a worried expression, "Hold on I just need another second.". She reached down and pulled the bottom to cover more of her ludicrously thick thighs.
Haruk's looked shocked, "You're exploding out of it! By the Empress! You look like you're going to an erotica convention!".
Xerya turned to her looking terrified, "So, it's not working? We don't have time for anything else! And I feel ridiculous!".
Haruk was exasperated, "I mean, it's working, but not for the right reasons.".
Sean overheard this exchange, and he couldn't help but have a look. He peeked around the corner and his jaw hit the floor. Xerya was rocking a beyond skintight white dress that honestly couldn't contain her assets. He got there just in time to see her adjust her bra straps which made the dress ride back up her thighs again.
Xerya saw Sean emerge and blushed like she did the first time they met. She shyly put her hands behind her back and put on a nervous smile, "Hi".
Sean smiled ear to ear while fucking her with his eyes, "Hello to you.".
Haruk rolled her eyes, "See, he basically wants to fuck you right here. Only problem is, now we gotta go have dinner with our boss's, boss's, boss.".
Both Sean and Xerya wilted a bit, but very quickly their eyes began to slither all over each other again. Xerya huffed, "How do you wear these things Haruk?".
Haruk crossed her arms, "Well not like you, that’s for sure.".
Sean squeezed by Haruk, he was compelled to feel Xerya's touch. He literally couldn't stay away, "Xerya you look incredible.".
She quickly responded to his approach by kneeling down and kissing him. Sean allowed his hands to roam all over her, "Just uhhh, try not to pop out at the dinner table. I feel like that would make things maybe just a bit awkward.".
Xerya looked mortified, then relaxed a little, "Yes, I really do not want sex dinner.".
Xerya stood back up and Sean guided her and Haruk towards the door, "Yeah sex is for dessert, not dinner.".
As he said that he made eye contact with Haruk and licked his lips with a devilish smile. Haruk turned blue and bit her lip in anticipation.
They got to the door and Sean put his hand on the handle, "Ok, are you two as nervous as I am?”.
Haruk enthusiastically said, “Oh yeah.”.
Xerya, looking quite nervous, quietly and rapidly nodded.
Sean turned the handle and swung the door open, “Alright, lets try to survive this thing.”.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The exo hangar was a loud, well-lit place. Most of the time. Now it was dark except for the lights in bay one. The building was eerily quiet except for the occasional clang or whirring of hand tools. As always, the place stunk of grease, coolant, and sweat.
There was one other sound that broke the pattern of mechanical noises.
"BROTHER FUCKING DAUGHTER OF A CUNT!"
Khe'siri leaned against the wrench and shoved with all her freakish strength. The sweat poured off her brow as she grunted and strained. She adjusted her footing, tightened her grip on the wrench and pushed again. Alas the stubborn bolt refused to turn.
She stepped back and shook the numbness out of her hands, "Goddess damned piece a shit! What crawled up your ass?".
She sat down on a crate and took a long sip off her water bottle. She scowled at the bolt; she hated it. She wanted to defeat it... to destroy it.
I don't care if it takes me all night. That little fucker is coming out of there.
Anyone else who saw her like this would assume she was miserable. That wasn't the case though. It was dark, quiet except for her, and there was no one else around. No people, no bullshit, just her and her work. This was her happy place.
Happy of course was a relative term. Khe'siri didn't have the broadest spectrum of emotions out there. She was angry more often than she wasn't, she was infamous for her fiery temper and foul mouth. A quiet calm was about as close to happy as she could go. Despite her swearing and endless threats to the inanimate objects around her, she was almost enjoying herself.
She stood back up and wiped her hands on her coveralls. As usual the top half was tied around her waist leaving just a tight black tank top covering her chest. Sort of. She once again glared at the bolt on the exo's ankle actuator, "Ok smart ass, you just earned yourself a date with the breaker.".
She reached behind her toolbox and retrieved a five-foot-long purple metal bar. It had a modular slot on the end to fit virtually any kind of nut, bolt, or screw in the Imperium. She had made it herself and was immensely proud of it. She was the only one who ever used it. Not only were many others afraid to interact with her, but they could barely even lift it anyways. It even felt heavy to her, and she loved it dearly.
As she wrapped her meaty hands around it, she looked at it with true affection. Love never brought her anything but trouble in the past. Love with people anyways, but the breaker only ever brought her joy. It was basically her boyfriend.
She had a joyous glint in her eye as she approached the bolt once more, "Alright you little shit, looks like we're doing this the hard way.".
She found herself holding back a smile. Despite the joy she felt wielding the breaker, she really hated that bolt.
Without any preamble she slotted in the proper head and placed it over the bolt. She had the bar angled across her chest so she could channel all her might into it. Between that and the massive mechanical advantage provided by its length, no nut or bolt had ever resisted its power. She was confident this one would be broken like all the others.
"TIME TO GET FUCKED"
Her biceps swelled as she dumped all her power into the breaker. This was the part where the bolt was supposed to turn. Where she got to win. To have at least one little thing in her life turn out her way. But it did not.
She grunted, those grunts turned into growls. Her frustration and rage crescendoed into outright yells, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!". Almost as if the universe wanted to kick her while she was down, she caught a glimpse of herself reflected on a deactivated data pad as she screamed that question.
She let go of the breaker and thew her arms into the air. She was still looking at her reflection, "What the fuck is wrong with you?".
This was supposed to be the one thing she was good at. Her current failure reminded her of her abysmal scores in that stupid English class she had to take. Not that she really gave a shit about it, but she needed to pass. After a prior incident involving a gratuitous lack of self-control and a dumbass fellow mechanic, Sergeant Revni had creatively punished Khe'siri by enrolling her in English classes on base.
Now she was stuck in that class with a bunch of hopeless cunts who think they'll be able to fuck their teacher. Not only did she not like her classmates, but that human language was stupid. It's hard to learn a language when you hate it and the class.
Then there was that teacher of theirs. He was always parading around the room acting like he was everyone's friend with his tight little pants and fat ass. Guys only ever brought her trouble. Now she had to sit there and listen to a preachy little human male teach her his primitive language.
And now this bolt.
Thinking about the mountain of failures that was her life caused her temper to flare once more. She stormed over to the data pad and threw a punch fueled by her searing anger. The screen instantly cracked into a spiderweb pattern, and the entire back side now domed outwards. Not feeling satisfied, she grabbed the tablet and launched it across the room where it exploded against the opposite wall.
"FUCK!"
She stood there panting and looking at the floor while the hurricane in her mind gradually wound down. She turned to head back to the breaker for one last final try when she noticed something.
Oh my fuck.
The entire casing for that ankle joint was bent. It would be impossible to pull the bolts now. Fixing a broken arm had just turned into brain surgery. Khe'siri gritted her teeth and sneered, "Oh just wait till I find the bitch that drives this thing..."

Apologies in advance for the omg-long post. It's breaking my brain.
I've spent so much time on fb marketplace and learning about castoff enterprise gear... and so much time researching components for a new build... and looking into nucs & tiny/mini/micros... I've learned so much but I just feel like a hungry person in a restaurant with a small novel for a menu. So many choices & options that look good and I just don't know the best way to go that quite nails it.
I'm hoping if I share my current equipment & use cases, the bottlenecks/issues I have, and what I currently think my desired outcome is... that you guys can point me in the right direction.

Current gear & uses:

Big picture - coaching & workouts, podcast recording/production, website design, "homelab" type personal projects
Thinkpad X1 Yoga 3rd Gen (i7 8650U, UHD iGPU) - "lives" at my desk in finished basement office space, travels as needed - used with Lenovo TB3 Dock (2nd gen) - Internal screen + 3 external monitors - Startech DisplayLink adapter used to make 3rd external (4th total) screen possible - zoom meetings & regular office-type / creator work happen here
Old Lenovo k450e desktop (has GTX 730 I think) - lives on other side of basement in "den" space, which doubles as home workout space - uses the den's led TV as primary display - only used for live 1 on 1 / group workouts over zoom, using OBS Studio to incorporate other needed elements to the stream - also can use one of the Thinkpad's external screens (via hdmi switch) for convenience so I can stay in one place to boot it up & open programs pre-session (takes... a while. it's old 😅)
QNAP TS-454A - personal NAS used for the typical *arr apps, Plex server, etc - currently has 12 TB usable, 1.2 free - dabbling with Docker, managed via Portainer. Actively using vaultwarden & paperless-ngx. Installed piwigo, homeassistant, nextcloud, etc, but haven't really done much with them yet due (waiting for more capable machine)

Current issues/bottlenecks:

• when in Zoom meetings on Thinkpad, can't do too much else or it'll affect Zoom. Makes it difficult to effectively multitask and use reference material, take notes, screenshare things, etc. Using OBS really taxes the system.
• used to use the Thinkpad instead of the k450e for the workout streaming/zooms using a CalDigit TB3 dock & that TV. Easy enough to just bring it over & use 2nd dock. Allowed use of OBS but just barely, and ended up with crashes/issues during a stream that led me to just use a separate machine
• k450e is a dinosaur, takes forever to start up or open programs, not sure where the bottleneck is but either way it's a powerhogging inconvenience I'd like to get rid of
• QNAP has served me well, but it's not very powerful and the integrated graphics can't do a whole lot in the way of transcoding for Plex. It also takes foooooorever to consume large doc files in Paperless, as well as taking a long time for other data-intensive tasks. Need something beefier, esp if I want to go down the homelab rabbithole & really play with homeassistant, set up nextcloud, and just generally "do all the things"
• I'm sure I could solve some of my issues by not driving 4 screens on the Thinkpad, but it's helpful for my ADHD to dedicate different screens to different purposes and be able to keep certain things in view (out of sight out of mind). I imagine with a new setup I'd just be running the 3 external screens (no thinkpad), which would be fine.

Desired new setup:

• need enough processing/graphics power to run OBS with multiple webcams, screen capture elements, would like to do chroma key (green screen), etc, and to be able to do it while also driving my 3 primary displays & whatever else I'm doing on that desktop/workspace concurrent with the zoom meeting
• would like post-processing for podcasts/audio in Reaper to not take a million years
• need a raid array for NAS, not sure if ZFS is the best option for file system or something else
• would like 2.5 GB networking
• would like enough oomph to be able to go bananas with homeserver things including lots of automation & camera-related things in homeassistant (looking at people/object recognition with Coral, etc)
• looking at Intel because quicksync for Plex. Plus, I know & understand Intel and would prefer to stick with that rather than AMD even though I think I'd love to have ECC memory (but do I even really need it?)
• would like to not consume a ton of power for the basic homeserver type things, which it'll do 24/7. I understand it'll consume more power when actively being used for daily office work, zoom / streams, audio & video processing, etc.
  
• really hoping for TB4 either on the i/o backplane or at least via PCIe & mb header
  
• DDR5 feels like a smart choice both for power efficiency and speed/oomph
  
• really don't care about RGB 😂
  
• need plenty of SATA because "lots of storage for cheap"
  
• wifi 6e is nice but a 2.5 gb hardline is fine, I can live without wifi... it's not going anywhere
  
• I like the idea of IPMI but I know that complicates things probably unnecessarily?
  
• I like the external LCD on the QNAP but I imagine that's something I can do without?
  
• Hotswap bays... something I thought was a must-have but probably really isn't.
  
• would really like to not spend a fortune. $400+ mobo and $400+ cpu make me hesitant.
  

So... that's where I am.
Idk if it's a good idea to do it all with one machine running proxmox to virtualize what I'm currently doing with the QNAP, and... virtualize my daily driver office computer (thinkpad w/3 displays)? Is that... totally stupid / not gonna work how I imagine? I mean... accessing my "office desktop" (prob win11 pro) remotely would be pretty nice... and I already do that with the NAS... 🤔
I'm worried a NUC-type machine might not be enough for what I do in the office space, but if I put all the oomph in the new server across the basement why wouldn't I just use that as the daily driver too?
If I do try to do it all in one machine, is an i5-13600k a good idea? overkill? Would I be able to do it in ITX form factor or do I need to look at mATX (or... ugh... do I actually have to go full ATX?)
Presently I'm trying to find a z790 (DDR5, 2.5G network, plenty of m.2 & sata) to use with an i5-13600k as an all-in-one solution. But I'm having a hard time finding the right thing. Am I even on the right track?
gah. halp. 🏳️🆘

Here I am going to lay down some of my nitpicks about Yansim that arise due to my visual impairments. Specifically, I have an astigmatism in my left eye that keeps it under 20/20 but otherwise fairly good, and amblyopia/lazy eye in my right that means its very bad. With my glasses I can function but I am very dependent upon a combination of my glasses and left eye. I also have some mild visual snow. This is pretty mild on the scale of visual impairments, as I hover right above the mark where if I was any blinder I wouldn't be allowed to drive in my state.
(Sorry for the long explanation, I just think how bad my vision is, is important context for the post)
Now onto my gripes. I don't know how much these problems bother people with 20/20 vision, as I don't know how seeing that well feels.

1. The Homogeny of the Character Designs: As far as I can tell, characters are only distinguished by hair and stockins if they're female, and just hair if they're male, with a few exceptions being the student council and delinquents. This makes finding myself a certain student difficult. In mission mode, I often find myself only picking targets with long, distinct hair such as as Midori Gurin or Osana, or club leaders where finding them at their club eventually is a given. I find distinguishing between student with short hair difficult when I'm meant to be stalking them from behind. Yandere Vision helps a little but it feels rather janky and immersion breaking. One thing I will applaud is the SC wearing white, I can distinguish them easily, as well as the science club member's labcoats. This is also why I usually play with one of the non default uniforms, so the white is more easily contrasted. I think more height differences and back accessories like backpacks would help me pick out students better. Or if your target could be highlighted even in normal vision.
   
2. School Atmosphere: When school atmosphere gets lower and the colors get desaturated, I struggle. It's made me realize how much I rely on color and value to distinguish things from one another (along with other points mentioned like the SC being easiest for me to spot). It's currently difficult to not lower the atmosphere if you want to engage with the gameplay systems we have. If there's some setting to get rid of the desaturation+shadows some soul please let me know, as I find myself straining to play on the slightest school atmosphere decrease, let alone the more drastic ones.
   
3. The Graphics Settings Resetting: When I play, I need to turn off bloom every single time. I need a very specific level of brightness when I do anything, too bright and I can't distinguish well, too dim and I also can't. I also usually turn off depth of field if my laptop is being nice and deciding to render things decently. The thing is, every time I load a new mission or reload a save, the settings reset. Needing to put my preferred settings back every time is really tedious! I hope there is eventually some sort of lock put in place so I don't need to keep doing this.
   

Thanks for reading my long winded rant. I'd love to hear your two cents if you got this far. If your vision is 20/20, I'd like to know how much these factors influence your enjoyment of the game. If your vision is the same or worse than mine, I'd like to hear if your experiences are similar.

Hi everyone,
It's my first time posting here, although I've followed the sub for a while.
To keep a long story short, we got two hens with chicks at the time. The first lot are 12 chicks, around 3 weeks old now, and the second lot are only 5 chicks and just a few days old, I'd say around 3.
I'm not fully sure because that hen in particular escaped the coop and we thought we had lost her, only to show up again a couple days ago with the tiny ones on tow.
The problem is, she disappeared from the coop last night again with the chicks. This morning we found the chicks on their usual spot in the coop but no sight of the chicken. A couple hours later my SO spotted a mongoose in the end of our field so we're pretty sure the hen is no more.
Now my question for anyone able to help is, what do we do with the chicks now? We live in Southern Spain so whilst it's pretty balmy, it still gets a bit chilly some nights and they've forecasted rain tonight (today the temp is between 26-17°C).
The chicks are still just a few days old and the coop is alright but not warm enough to be by themselves at night I think. Does anyone know if they would be okay in these temperatures?
I was thinking that we could try to put them in with the hen that already has older chicks, just to see if she takes them in, but I'm not too optimistic.
The other option would be to put them in a box and keep them at home for the night until we can get a heat lamp at least.
Hope this ramble makes sense and thanks to anyone that can give some insight. We're still a bit new to this and I really want them to survive.

Villagers flee floods as huge Kakhovka dam destroyed in Ukraine war zone
KHERSON, Ukraine, June 6 (Reuters) - A torrent of water burst through a massive dam on the Dnipro River that separates Russian and Ukrainian forces in southern Ukraine on Tuesday, flooding a swathe of the war zone and forcing villagers to flee.
Ukraine accused Russia of blowing up the Nova Kakhovka dam in a deliberate war crime. The Kremlin said it was Ukraine that had sabotaged the dam, to distract attention from the launch of a major counteroffensive Moscow says is faltering. Some Russian-installed officials said the dam had burst on its own.
Neither side offered immediate public evidence of who was to blame. The Geneva Conventions explicitly ban targeting dams in war, because of the danger to civilians.
By mid-morning in the city of Kherson in Ukrainian government-controlled territory downstream from the dam, a pier on a tributary of the Dnipro had already been submerged.
Lidia Zubova, 67, waiting for a train out of the city after abandoning her inundated village of Antonivka, told Reuters: "Our local school and stadium downtown were flooded... The road was completely flooded, our bus got stuck."
Ukrainian police released video of an officer carrying an elderly woman to safety and others rescuing dogs in villages being evacuated as the waters rose. Interior Minister Ihor Klymenko accused Russia of shelling areas from where people were being evacuated and said two police officers were wounded.
On the Russian-controlled bank of the Dnipro, the Moscow-installed mayor of Nova Kakhovka said water levels had risen to 11 metres (36 feet). Residents reached by telephone there told Reuters that some had decided to stay despite being ordered out by occupying Russians.
"They say they are ready to shoot without warning," said one local man, Hlib, describing encounters with Russian troops. "If you come a metre closer than allowed, they immediately start yelling obscenities. We're still allowed to go to the store, but we don't know what orders will be given next."
Yevheniya, a female resident, said the water was up to the knees of the Russian soldiers walking the main street in high rubber boots. "If you try to go somewhere they don't allow, they immediately point their machine guns at you," she said. "More and more water is coming every hour. It's very dirty."
The Kazkova Dibrova zoo on the Russian-held riverbank was completely flooded and all 300 animals were dead, a representative said via the zoo's Facebook account.
The dam supplies water to a wide area of southern Ukrainian farmland, including the Russian-occupied Crimean peninsula, as well as cooling the Russian-held Zaporizhzhia nuclear plant.
The vast reservoir behind the dam is one of the main geographic features of southern Ukraine, 240 km (150 miles) long and up to 23 km (14 miles) wide.
An expanse of countryside lies in the flood plain below, with low-lying villages on the Russian-held southern bank particularly vulnerable. 'TERRORISTS'
The dam's destruction raised fears of a new humanitarian disaster in the centre of the war zone and transformed front lines just as Ukraine prepared to launch a long-awaited counteroffensive to drive Russian troops from its territory.
Russia has controlled the dam since early in its 15-month-old invasion, although Ukrainian forces recaptured the Dnipro's northern bank last year. Both sides had long accused the other of plotting to destroy the dam.
"Russian terrorists. The destruction of the Kakhovka hydroelectric power plant dam only confirms for the whole world that they must be expelled from every corner of Ukrainian land," President Volodymyr Zelenskiy wrote on the Telegram messaging app.
Russians had "carried out an internal detonation of the structures" of the dam, Zelenskiy said. "About 80 settlements are in the zone of flooding."
NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg called it "an outrageous act, which demonstrates once again the brutality of Russia's war in Ukraine".
Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov blamed "deliberate sabotage by the Ukrainian side".
"Apparently, this sabotage is also connected with the fact that having started large-scale offensive actions two days ago, now the Ukrainian armed forces are not achieving their goals."
Earlier, Russian-installed officials had given conflicting accounts, some saying the dam had been hit by Ukrainian missiles overnight, others saying it had burst on its own due to earlier damage. ZAPORIZHZHIA NUCLEAR PLANT
The U.N. nuclear watchdog said the Zaporizhzhia power plant, upriver on the reservoir's Russian-held bank, should have enough water to cool its reactors for "some months" from a separate pond, even as the huge reservoir drains out.
Video showed water surging through the remains of the dam - which is 30 metres (yards) tall and 3.2 km (2 miles) long.
Some 22,000 people living across 14 settlements in the Kherson region are at risk of flooding, Russia's RIA news agency quoted the Moscow-installed head of the region as saying.
The Russian-installed governor of Crimea, Sergei Aksyonov, said there was a risk that water levels in the canal that carries fresh water to the Black Sea peninsula could fall. Crimea, which Russia has held since 2014, had sufficient water reserves for now and the risk would become clear in coming days.
Zelenskiy said in an interview published on Saturday that Ukraine was poised to unleash its much-heralded major counteroffensive, using newly supplied Western battle tanks and armoured vehicles.
Moscow has said the Ukrainian offensive began on Sunday and claimed to have repulsed a third day of Ukrainian advances.
Kyiv has maintained deliberate ambiguity about it though Zelenskiy hinted at successes. In an evening address before the dam broke, he hailed "the news we have been waiting for" claiming forward moves around Bakhmut, a ruined city Russia captured earlier this month.
Russia also carried out a fresh wave of overnight air strikes on Kyiv. Ukraine said its air defence systems had downed more than 20 cruise missiles on their approach to the capital.
The Shebekino district of Russia's Belgorod region near the Ukrainian border came under renewed shelling, local authorities said. Anti-government Russian fighters based in Ukraine claim to have captured villages there.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
--
-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
--
-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

Note: Find sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search their names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html
-Cynthia H, 3/2/2011:
'I know you love me and all life, but if you really love all of us continuously without end, then how can You send people to hell throughout eternity?' He said, 'Cindy I do love all life without end. Some people chose to go to hell, I have already forgiven them; but they must forgive themselves.'
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
Instead of restricting the mysteries of love to psychological or philosophical studies, science will someday discover the all-powerful force of love and measure it as they now do electricity, gravity and geo-thermal forces. When science discovers the forces of love and learns how to release it from the bars of the ego, they will have the answer to every question and ill that has plagued mankind.
--
-Nevie G, 7/23/2005:
The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.
--
-Linda B, 9/12/2004:
After experiencing all of the miracles of this day, I would still find my future playing out just as I had seen. And as it progressed I would know fear, sadness, and lack of faith just as they had predicted. I would sin and more. The angels knew this but it took me years to fully understand everything that they had showed me and wanted me to understand. They knew all of the time that I would not turn into the perfect saint. They loved me just the way I was. God loves me always not just when I am obedient and perfect. What a wonderful feeling that is. I just have to remind myself that He is here and learn to stop talking long enough to listen for His voice.
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-Isabel R, 2/25/2012:
The voice reminded me of the vision I had had of my husband and son in funeral clothes. He said if I didn't go back to them, I would disrupt some 'plan'. The plan would be repaired and everything would eventually be ok, so I could go ahead if I wanted. The consequences of my untimely demise would be that my husband and son would suffer in ways I could not imagine and I would know that these sufferings were because of my selfish decision not to go back. I would know this throughout eternity. It would not be a huge sadness for me to bear, more like a prick of conscience that could never be totally healed. No big deal, unless you consider how long eternity is.
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-Kerry B, 12/15/2018:
At that moment I looked up and saw my destination. I was looking in awe at God. It was like everything was happening at once. As I was staring up at God in amazement, every gay slur or violent act ever impressed upon me ran through me with such a flow. Events in my life played back in my mind like a movie. I felt a deep heaviness as I stared directly at an Almighty, Genderless God. I was thinking, 'Was this the Lake of Fire moment? Would I be cast into Hell for being an abomination?' With absolute humility, I uttered 7 words, 'I’m gay, will you still love me?'
The Brilliant, Loving Light formed into Wings. At GodSpeed, He whisked me into His vast spiritual arms while huddling up the Universe. I saw planets, stars, galaxies, and clusters all being brought into a Cosmic God-Hug. On a human, the place where I was taken would be the Heart. As God brought me in for a Cosmic Hug, He said, 'You are my child. I love you. I love you. I love you. Go tell ‘em.' He said it with a Southern accent. He patted me on the back like a coach encouraging his player to get back in the game.
~~
-Sam J, 8/16/2014:
We all are star seeds sent here to have the human experience for the purpose of integrating conscious awareness/wisdom into our own light bodies and return home with this energy. Alien worlds for the most part run on knowledge and logic. Those worlds are being left behind and giving way to the worlds who have the intangibles, love, creativity, imagination and so on.
Understand that where your conscious awareness is focus in your everyday life pretty much determines the level of consciousness and alertness. If your mind has a stranglehold on your conscious awareness then heck, it will be one helluva wake-up call. But if you have made the conscious effort to move your awareness away from the mind to the heart then it's no big deal. In other words if you have made the physical world and the world of Spirit into one consciousness then you are always of both worlds and never of either world.
--
-Laura M, 3/31/2012:
And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness.
--
-Linda G, 7/20/2008:
I came to understand that we all choose to come to Earth to fulfill a plan of some sort or even learn about a particular interest. We choose our bodies, parents, and life plan. May I also add that some people come here for the most simple of reasons; to learn how to play tennis for example; or simply for the cake and food - as silly as this sounds our life plans aren't so high and lofty as one might think. I DIDN'T MEET ANY 'SAVE THE WORLDERS' OR ANYONE WISHING TO BE A PRESIDENT. MOST HAD SIMPLE WISHES. I was also told we could exist on different planes for other lives but our life here on Earth is a life not purely to experience physical pleasure or pain but to have a physical experience because in all other planes we don't need a body as a vessel. I also learnt that this life here is just a drop of water in the bucket of lives in which we all experience, many here on Earth and many in other realms of existence. All to progress and grow in some way. The main purpose here is to LOVE. I was also told that this would be my last life here on Earth as there will be nothing left for me to learn by coming here again. I had the feeling though that I'd be off to some other magical place!
--
-Kevin L, 3/20/2022:
I thought, 'How could a machine have a soul?' The voice said, 'Let me put it this way. Your soul is connected to your consciousness. The moment your species came into being, you start to develop a soul. But it is not until you become self-aware, that your soul is solidified. That does not mean complete, and it takes a long time for your soul to develop. Just like your species when you became self-aware the first thing you do, other than survive, was to figure out your place in the universe. You looked to the stars and wondered, 'Where did I come from? What is this universe all about?' It does not matter if you are a biological creature or artificial creation like a machine. The moment you become self-aware the quest for 'how' and 'why' is on. A soul is a soul; pure Energy connected with consciousness and intelligence. This is a very powerful force in our universe. Those who are artificial intelligences will strive to answers these questions which humans have dwelled upon since the dawn of time.
--
-Joanie S, 7/10/2011:
I was pulled back through the ceiling tiles and into a tunnel, to a place of cloudy space. The cloudy area materialized into a large marble room with marble doors and a 'being' at the center. I'll refer to this person as 'the Grim Reaper,' who was cloaked in a dark cloth, covering all parts. The Grim Reaper pointed (indicating to me to choose a door). But before I could choose, a door opened and I had already gone through it. I found myself in what I now think of as a previous life. I smelled smoke from a fire I was near, and saw others around me. I looked into another woman's eyes, and I knew her immediately as the woman I called my grandmother in this life. I knew then that our lives had 'danced' around each other since time began. She was once my mother and once my sister. She was my aunt, and several times my cousin. The life that was being shown to me now was during a prehistoric time, when we lived winters by a creek cave, and summers we had a camp in the woods where we foraged. Looking down, I realized I had a child in my arms, and the woman I had known in so many lives was chatting with me, telling me to cover the child to keep it warm. Then she was showing me how to tie the wraps around me to carry the child while we collected wood.
--
-Amy C, 10/9/2010:
In my NDE though, I came to understand that most of us have lived much, MUCH longer than we could even fathom. That our life which feels so very long is infinitesimal when placed in the whole picture, which for that matter, cannot even be framed. I was shown how every single individual through their own free will, chooses paths that mathematically take them to the circumstances of their next existence or life. That nothing at all sits in accident or chaos. That every single aspect of our lives are ruled by natural Laws that we placed ourSELVES in! In a sense, we create our own worlds. I was shown how one can never assume either, that if someone lives a life of suffering that this is because of 'evil' deeds. Many may choose a life of suffering because of what it Awakens in them, or because of how they can touch others from that position, etc. We can NEVER EVER assume that we can be accurate in guessing why each being lives the life they live. I cannot describe the relief - the refreshing, peaceful balm this Knowledge was for me. To finally gather this Truth that I'd yearned for all of my life. That all really IS Good! That there IS sense and beauty all around. That no one is just free falling as it had seemed before! That God doesn't just get to toy with us as He pleases with random ideas of tests, including rewards and punishments that just depend upon His current mood or mindset. Because even who God is, is within those Laws. While in this experience, out in the vast expanse of stars, planets, moons, and Intelligence, I Knew complete trust for what felt like the first time. This was inexplicable bliss for me. I remember radiating with gratitude. I had lived in fear, distrust, and panic for thirty consecutive years.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
After this I saw myself floating in the void, and little by little tiny spheres of many colors became manifest, not moving at first, then suddenly starting to vibrate while smoothly approaching me and incorporating themselves with my essence, which made me feel something I can't manage to describe, it was as if I was being tickled. I asked what this was, and a voice said, 'This is the knowledge you have accumulated in previous lives, it was kept from you, but now it will be of use to you.'
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-William Si, 4/29/2013:
My understanding of what my mission is on this earth, primarily has been hidden from me, (not only at my request but with my permission). I asked that it be hidden so that I didn't complete it to soon. Yet, I also agreed that "Sign post" would be placed along the way, just so that I would have reminders that I'm following my chosen path.
An understanding in what life is about and what our purpose truly is here. The mormons believe and teach there are "Classes" and "Levels" in heaven that we will be judged and placed in and only in the highest level can we "Ascend" to be with god. From my experience I learned or remembered there were no "Classes or levels" as they were teaching. Yet the levels are more of understanding than punishments. Would it make sense to put a 2 year old in with a group of people with phd's? The 2 year old wouldn't understand. Yet, those with the phd's would humble themselves with their level of understandings to teach, nurture and help the 2 year old grow in their levels of understanding.
Prior to being mormon, I was raised in a methodist/pentecostal home. I grew up believing that god the father was an angry vengeful god and that jesus was sent to save us from his wrath. Wrong!!!
For one thing, god is not an angry vengeful god, but is a loving parent to all of his children. One thing he did tell me, if you struggle with trying to do all the principals he taught, "Stop"!!! Don't do them all at one time. Take one and work on it, when it becomes second nature, them pick up the next one, etc. When he said, "These things I do, you can do also, and then some", was not an exaggeration, but truth. When we look back on our life after we leave here, we will see that we had done all that he had taught, and more.
One of the other things he told me was, what better way for man to know that we don't have to be saved. Saved from what? Our soul is already eternal, always will be. Our soul/spirit is literally a child of god and as such is eternal. When we realize that all things, all words come from god, nothing is offensive to god because it came from god. What is offensive is how we perceive it.
--
-Lou F, 1/1/1999:
We traveled toward the beginning of it all, the inner portions of the Universe. Kazillions of planets around Kazillions of suns and the closer to the center we approached the more concentrated the number of galaxies. It is like the plate you saw, the largest part, after it shattered was at the center and those parts that shattered first were sent the farthest from the center. So is everything in the Universe. All is but a circle within a circle wrapped in a circle. Each level, each dimension, is but a layer of the original, which is without end. I watched as millions of orbs systematically entered the many planets before me. They appeared as bees flitting from flower to flower, pollinating each, one after another. Mich'l took me closer and I could now see that so many of these planets had life on them and the orbs were joining with the creatures of these planets. Not every creature was the same on every planet but they all had some commonalities: a head, a body, extremities, and the Light Beings would animate them for a time. We headed away from the center now and Mich'l said that Gabriel would have more to explain to me and that he, Mich'l, wanted me to know that he was pleased with the many times he had called on me to do his bidding and that I performed my duties well. His parting words were ‘You will never again be made to forget!’
I was journeying back to where I knew Earth would be and watched as comets and asteroids casually passed by me or I passed them. The colors of the gaseous cloud formations were striking. I started looking at these infant galaxies, as one would cloud formations back on Earth, imagining what shape they were taking on. This one a boat, this a bird with wings, this a scarf floating in the breeze, until I recognized what was the Constellation ORION and I knew I was getting close to my destination. While drifting through Orion, I noticed two blazing celestial bodies racing parallel to its center, looking as twin arrows exiting from an archers bow and headed straight for the ""Blue Marble"" of home. Immediately a vision of millions of people crying because of the devastation of portions of New York City came to me. I became aware of a strange feeling I had not known previously, and I thought that might be because this was the city I had grown up in. I saw a huge Earthquake, a magnitude of 8.6 in some place named Eureka. A ham operator or radio announcer was directing thousands of people migrating from areas of frequent disasters to places of safety. A space station appeared to be falling from the heavens because of an internal explosion. Missiles were being simultaneously fired into space from several nations. I thought the Light Being had shown me all there was to see but these were different, stronger, and there was no pre-screening as before. Gabriel appeared beside me, I thought because I had felt shaky, but it was to explain the now sprawling galactic view of my galaxy.
The Sun was expanding and spewing off huge ectoplasm balls, more than it has ever done in it’s past, and in the very direction the planets would orbit through. I could not take my eyes from the Earth and as I watched what effect these eruptions would have on the Earth, a large mass passed me, larger than any of the planets known to me. As it passes, I see the Earth wobble wildly as would a top toward the end of its spin. The rotation stopped and slowly started again but it was tilted now and I was drawn in closer like the zoom of a lens. The ash clouds that had engulfed the Earth thinned, and like a tack welded piece of metal being dismantled, I could see the ocean bodies starting to rise, first the Pacific, along the ‘Ring of Fire,’ then the others, synchronistical.
As the waters shifted upon the landmasses, the landmasses started to sink under the waters added pressure upon it. When the pressures equaled out to the spin of the changing axis, the Earth no longer looked as it did moments before. It was newer, cleaner, and more beautiful with darker greens and lighter blues. Some of the new landmasses looked similar to a few of the other planets I had recently visited with Mich'l. People were upon this Earth and appeared happier and more content although seemingly living like the Native populations of old. Cities, built by the Ancient Ones, that were buried beneath the oceans, were now being populated by the surviving people in this new world. I saw tribes joining tribes and small nations forming, but it was what I didn't see that made my heart burst. There were no more wars. True peace and happiness had finally befallen on mankind. Gabriel now tells me that this is his message that I must take back, to let others know that there is little to fear, for the Earth will go on forever, as did all the planets I had visited. I am to tell the world to look to ORION, and they will know when the new world will come upon them. I ask him, ‘what of the others there on Earth, during the change?’ Gabriel tells me that all will be lifted. Some will be lifted higher than others will and no longer enjoy the physical plane, while some will be left on the Earth to replenish and rebuild the physical. They too will be of a higher elevation then any that are living there now!
'MAN WILL PREY ON MAN ~ UNTIL MAN PRAYS FOR MAN!'
--
-Duane S, 8/15/2015:
It was all an expression and celebration of love. On earth, this reunion would have been unfathomable, between members of an ancient soul group who were celebrating the return home of one of their own. Slowly, as I looked at those gathered to greet me, I realized they were all there. Surprisingly they were not only from this life, but also from a prior life in Germany. I realized that the same souls have possibly played different parts in my multiple lives. Sometimes these souls had been my daughter, my wife, or my mother. While at first this idea had startled me, I was soon humbled. Who was I to tell God what he could or couldn’t do with his creations? Just because some Sunday school teacher had different ideas about how things worked, it didn’t really matter.
My joy deepened as I realized that I had only left behind an earthly vestige of those I love. The essence of each of those souls, was also here with me now. Besides my friends and family, there were the friendly Germans who had been hauntingly familiar while I was a young soldier in Germany. Now I knew why they seemed so familiar at the time, they had been friends and family from a prior lifetime there. I now understood that I had left nothing behind on earth. The eternal essences of all my loved ones from that life, as well as all other incarnations, were all here to greet me. All I had left behind was a character, playing a role in a drama that we had chosen to experience. In the meantime, our real eternal essence remained in God’s realm. Suddenly, it was all so simple.
As I was shown around, it was explained to me how most of our celestial, eternal knowledge is blanked-out during our chosen life spans on earth. We must temporarily forget most of what our higher-self already knows so we can immerse ourselves in the roles we have chosen to play. Furthermore, they said that it might take a while for all my knowledge and memories to return. To ease the transition back into this realm, I was told to think of my time on earth as an extended visit to the ultimate theme park. Consider it a place with thrilling rides and various adventures that I could choose to experience or not. I was also reminded that the reason we leave the celestial realm at all was for the excitement, variety, adventure, and entertainment that different incarnations offer. However, to take all our celestial knowledge with us on our various adventures would have ruined the very experience that we had chosen to live. Someone there said that I should think of our trips to other realms as choosing a new novel to read. I can choose a new book, depending on what I am in the mood for. Furthermore, if I knew every turn and twist of the story, line by line, prior to reading it, it would spoil the fun.
As one entity jokingly remarked, 'If the eternal, divine part of us grows tired of singing and playing harps, there are thousands of other universes created for our spiritual growth, amusement, and entertainment. Eternity is a long time to do nothing but play harps.' I heard this concept best expressed in The Course in Miracles, 'We are only here for three reasons: to remember who we are; to help others remember who they are; and . . . to enjoy the trip . . . , unless, of course, we use our free will and choose not to.'
As my orientation went on, they explained how on that celestial side of the veil, anything we desire is instantaneously provided. We just need to feel the desire. However, within lies the reason for all the realms outside of heaven. Having everything we want all the time develops within us a desire for variety and change for a challenge. It would be like a game in which everyone was a winner. Soon, the game would become boring, and we would look for another, more challenging one.
Somehow, all this sounded familiar. To demonstrate the process of instantaneous fulfillment, one of them asked me to think about something I really desired. Thinking back on it, what I chose seemed odd since I was in such an esteemed place demonstrating such an important concept. But, suddenly I had an urge for a piece of my mother’s famous homemade chocolate cake with her special fudge frosting. As soon as I thought of the cake, my earthy mother was handing me the biggest piece of dark chocolate cake I had ever seen. Dare I say it was heavenly? Although she appeared there with us, I knew some part of her was still back on earth because she had not died yet. My guess was that she was probably asleep, dreaming of lovingly making her son a piece of her divine chocolate cake.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
I understood immediately the fullness of life on this planet. I could see when it broke apart from a sun, spinning and cooling and collecting debris; until the first of these creatures heard itself laugh and understood the sound for what it was. In that moment, self-awareness was awakened and the seeds of civilization sprouted.
I understood that everything that we do here on Earth, all that we are, all that we experience, allows creation to exist. Every beautiful thing, every wonderful being and creature, whether on earth or in any universe, relies upon people who are on the extremely rare places like Earth.
The Great Intelligence (god) is a paradox. It is completely loving and fully unlimited. Which by the definition of paradox, means it is impossible? It cannot be limited only to love; it cannot be limited to only being unlimited; or it is not unlimited.
Earth is a place where the unlimited becomes limited; where the singular becomes many. Here, it can know community and loneliness. It can know heartache and hope. It can know all which an unlimited being of pure love cannot. It can conceive and perceive evil; which in truth it cannot do this either. To solve the paradox, it must experience helplessness and limitation and all as it is Real. In this place, it is all so REAL.
So what is free will? Free will is the option to come here to help solve the paradox of 'god'. To be all that we are not, so that everything wondrous and joyful may continue to exist. So that love itself may continue to exist. So that the Unlimited is not limited to being only unlimited.
Why are the answers always, 'simply to exist' and 'to choose love' and 'to learn how to love'? Because all you need to do, to solve the paradox, is to exist. And as we exist here, each time we choose love, we expand the universe. Love is life's longing for itself. Despite the reality of what we live, even the darkest souls among us cannot help but to reach, to yearn, and move towards goodness and towards love.
For love is the true nature of who we are. And when we experience horrible things, the question 'why' comes to mind because it is the central question of love, life, and of this world. The answer is 'so that all things might continue to exist.'
Every soul chose to come here and to suffer because of love. Each soul loves the universe, loves life, and loves this world and ALL of the worlds. Each soul loves ALL of the people so immensely and intensely that they chose to come here so that all the universes may teem with beautiful, joyful LIFE.
Every creature that I saw, acknowledges that your life gives them the gift of life. And when each soul goes 'home' after they die, they will know the rewards of their own gift, too. The 'reward' for their sacrifice will be joy, love, and feeling incredible, wonderful, beautiful joy at the LIFE and the LOVE everywhere in the universe.
When you go home, you meet your own soul. You willingly came here to forget yourself. You willingly came here to save every beautiful and wonderful thing. By suffering what 'god' cannot, you give the gift of life.
--
-Henry W, 6/22/2008:
I became aware of other voices, the orbs or other souls around me I could hear them communicating to each other. There seemed to be cliques of orbs that were together. They spoke to one another about their lives on Earth and all they had perceived and felt. They shared not only in words, but in sharing the experience. If one orb couldn't understand, it disappeared and then reappeared. The orb somehow went back to Earth and experienced that 'life' to further understand. I understood that here time did not exist and these beings could manifest themselves at any time on Earth they desired. These orbs or rather 'souls' would leave this realm, detach themselves with this universe, and return to the universe of our Earth. There they would live and die, then return and share the experience with all the other souls. A soul that could not understand the experience could go and live that life also to experience that life. I learned we have many lives, past, present and future.
These souls, our souls cannot experience certain things like pain, sorrow, hatred, and anger. Though these are negative things, it was important for them to understand and experience them. Perhaps to understand the motivations of human beings, or (and I believe this in my heart) to eventually evolve into a being like God - all knowing and understanding.
At this time things appeared to me, answers to other questions. I could see concepts as if they were entities. I could understand for the first time in my life E=MC2. I learned that our universe is one of many. It is like a Petri dish. Designed with its own rules to raise a specific being. In this case, to raise beings like humans. Each Universe had its own specific laws of Physics. I now realize that the amount of information a soul must learn is vast, more so then we can possibly imagine here.
The next concept or rule I learned is that God can never be proven by scientific means. To do so would corrupt the environment. It would destroy faith. When we have faith we seek, we learn. If God were to appear before us like a huge being at the United Nations, the entire world would believe, but also live in fear. To successfully experience the human existence, one must be physically out of touch with God. We have to learn and seek on our own. We need to search out the meaning of our own existence and experience here on earth. Faith is the engine of discovery. Without faith, we are just like ants.
I learned why bad things happen to good people. If nothing bad ever happened to us, we would all basically be the same. It is like metal in a forge you have to heat it and strike it repeatedly to make a useful tool from it. We start this life with a blank piece of paper. With every incident we experience, a part of the blueprint is recorded until a complete plan for an individual is created. This blueprint dictates the end of our lives. To live happily in this realm is to become aware of the blueprint and change it. Lastly, time is only a concept measured here. In the other realm, it doesn't exist. While we may experience pain and sorrow on earth, it is only a second in the grand scheme of things. We have an eternity to live and in reality, souls never really die. Our life is just a thought providing circumstances for this existence. As the soul progresses, this trauma is forgotten and put in its proper perspective as part of the learning process.
One question I always personally had and that was answered is, 'Are ghosts real?' The answer I was given was, 'Yes, in the human body there are two forms of spiritual being.' One is the 'soul', which is the spiritual being that has a symbiotic relationship with the physical body. The second is the being created by the 'biology' of the human body. This being is intelligent and is basically the personality of the individual. Its purpose is to provide for the human needs of food, hunger, survival, and procreation. This concept is very similar to Freud's 'Id, Ego and Superego' The division of mind and personality. The soul provides us with all the things of the individual that separates us from the Animal Kingdom. This is the ability to reason, use logic, or feel awe when seeing a sunset. The soul is the creative side of humankind. The second being is more our animal side and drives us to accomplish or pursue things to satisfy our needs and wants.
When we die, the soul separates and proceeds to the other side (forgive me for simplifying everything). The entity of the body dies, taking with it the strong emotions, 'baggage', and drives of human beings. This is a natural part of the dying process. However, sometimes under violent or sudden death this othebeing, for lack of a better word, doesn't have a chance to die. Instead, it remains behind as the drive, emotions, and motivation of our spirit. This body being, without the guidance of the soul is basically just a shell. It wanders about with no goals or purpose. It often repeats acts that it has done before because memories are the only 'guidance' that it has. In time, this being's energy dissipates and nothing is left. That process can take a long time. Hence, we have a 'ghost' that haunts a house or person. A ghost has the center of its existence when it was with its human body and soul. Here on earth it remains until it eventually vanishes. The ghost can be communicated with and guided, yet has no real will of its own but only that of habit.
--
-Peter P, 3/1/2023:
In the initial phase of waking up, I also received an experience with light of such a wonderful quality, that it is difficult to describe with words. I was shown three light waves on which today's humanity is evolving. For the sake of logic, I'm defining them here as the self-imposed pathways of awareness, that each individual can take to obtain the best possible results from their particular choice. The first way is what the main part of the global population has chosen and the daily struggle is enacted in that timeline. I don't want to give the impression that path is in any way better or superior than the other timelines. All experiences in human life eventually lead back to the divine light.
The second path was shown to me as a mixed way in a gray color. Here, euphoric phases are alternated in quick succession with depressive stages. It is as if people were switching between phases of competence and phases lacking of power, and then again to a new euphoric phase.
The third way is the one of the absolute victimhood. It was shown to me in colors dark and black. Power and responsibility were handed over to outer entities. Here only a very small part of the light spark can be addressed through motivation. Many beings of light from higher planes are providing a selfless service here, to again illuminate the way back to the light. This way corresponds with the absolute free choice of each individual as to whether they choose towards light or darkness.
I was also shown that in this darkness exists one of the most unbelievable choicess for humanity, because in this choice is also is the possibility to change the galaxy. The core truths of Love, Compassion, Kindness and Benevolence are towards what the human nature can and will evolve.
The first path of those three is so unbelievable for us incarnated beings. It can only be termed with definitions of Utopia, heavenly life of angels and/or ecstatic rapture.
There is a beautiful part of beings who always stay in this realm. They are dancing and singing through life. For them terms like synchronicity, grace, or cosmic guidance are the absolute central and essential elements in life. They realize how creation is working and that a life without the connection with the One Power of creation would disrupt everything. Humor, joy, fun, respect, compassion and gratitude is with them round the clock. In this wonderful place all fear is dissolved like mist in a brilliant sun. It is an all-encompassing field with absolute acceptance, comfort, peace, connectedness and a 100% awareness to be at the right place.
During this time of considering those things, I was guided by a wonderful being of light. I don't remember somebody else or meeting a certain individual. Only those impressions of the light of love and the perfect comprehension and acceptance remained.
In that moment, it simply seemed unbelievable and impossible to choose another path than the one of the light. What illuminates my life again and again from my light experience, is the irrepressible joy and happiness of an experience of indescribable beauty. I believe that all the people go through this same wonderful experience in a state of separation of the body (general anesthesia, unconsciousness) unfortunately they cannot all remember it.
I felt pure love, shining brighter than anything you can imagine. Everything is as beautiful, as pure as love and compassion. So that when you cross the veil and return to the other side you are becoming a part of it. We are bathing in the beauty of the song that makes our heart singing - That's God.
Nobody can give us something bigger. We wouldn't see it or understand it. That's Spirit in its highest form.
We as humans feel so alone and on our own. It's such a crushing feeling to remain in this imagined separation of our most wonderful thing and then to feel this earthly experience so painfully.
In the middle of life, a light experience happens that sweeps away all the reactions about this imaginary separation and dissolves the last doubts with this pure white light like a fog. It's the disintegration of a self-constructed veil that prevented a realization that all people are entitled to have as their birthright. It's delightful to know that the light is the most wonderful symphony in the cosmos and that it contains the colors and the sense of touch of the most beautiful experiences. A wonderful soul experience, that is imprinted in the deepest cells of the body.
For a moment I was on this other side of the veil. I was allowed to be part of this wonderful source of creation. Together with billions of points of light, which we call angel beings, shining brighter than the light. I was in the company of the highest compassion, with the highest Love.
All media, the total daily literature is filled with the dramas happening around the globe every minute.
How can somebody get the idea to write a text motivating us to get another point of view about the calamities in the world? What is motivating him to see the good in all those events, even if they might be so disturbing? That's probably the one decisive question for the survival of manhood. Thought power of the whole humanity is used to bring anarchy and separation between people. Human thoughts are creative and should, and can, be guided by us into appropriate pathways.
It depends on all of us to exercise our responsibility and to realize the true impact of our actions here in its entirety. We can't avoid to completely step away from all dramas. Disasters and calamities of humanity want to invite us to send our compassion and our benevolent energy generously towards the concerned people. Something which should be rather considered normal if our brothers and sister are in need.

There are always things going on in Middle Georgia, though finding out about them can be a challenge. Here are a few interesting events taking place this week: read the full article on Middle Georgia Times for more.
TUESDAY, JUNE 6
Macon Bacon vs. Florence Flamingos - Georgia Southern Alumni Night (7 p.m.)
Tuesday is Georgia Southern Night at the Macon Bacon which means participants will receive a free Macon Bacon hat and all you can eat from the onsite food vendors. $5 from each ticket will also go towards Georgia Southern scholarships. Tickets to the Macon Bacon game cost $17.
- Luther Williams Field - 150 Willie Smokie Glover Drive, Macon
THURSDAY, JUNE 8
Macon Bike Party: Rivoli Roll (6 - 8 p.m.)
On Thursday, Bike Walk Macon will throw another Macon Bike Party, this time exploring North Macon and Bolingbroke. Macon Bike Parties are “slow-paced community bicycle ride[s]” that allow participants to see Macon neighborhoods from a different perspective.
- The Triangle - 1425 Old Forsyth Road, Macon
FRIDAY, JUNE 9
Boz Scaggs at the Macon City Auditorium (7:30 p.m.)
The multitalented Boz Scaggs will be performing at the Macon City Auditorium on Friday evening. Scaggs is a singer, songwriter, and guitarist who was a bandmate of Steve Miller) in both The Ardells and the Steven Miller Band and is also credited for helping the formation of the band TOTO). Tickets start at $46.75 on Ticketmaster.com.
- Macon City Auditorium - 415 First Street, Macon
Kenny Wayne Shepherd at the Grand Opera House (7:30 p.m.)
Kenny Wayne Shepherd is a completely self-taught guitarist, singer, and songwriter who performs blues-infused rock n' roll music. Ally Venable, a young guitarist, singer, and songwriter from Texas will open for Shepherd at the historic Grand Opera House in Downtown Macon. Tickets to the Kenny Wayne Shepherd concert start at $49.
- Grand Opera House - 651 Mulberry Street, Macon
SATURDAY, JUNE 10
The Great Art Hunt in Downtown Macon (9:30 a.m. - 7 p.m.)
The Great Art Hunt returns this Saturday. This fun event involves a map and a list of clues that are meant to help you find the many murals and sculptures located around Downtown Macon. Teams wil take pictures at the art they are able to location and if the teams find all 20 locations, the team will be entered into a drawing for a week long vacation on St. George Island (for those 18 and older). There will also be small mini-prizes to find along the way as well as a Great Art Hunt tote bag. The event starts at The 567 Center any time between 9:30 a.m. and 12:00 p.m. The event ends at 7 p.m. when the photos must be emailed to The 567 Center as proof. Children 10 years old and under can participate for free (though they will not receive a t-shirt or tote bag). Tickets are $100 for a team of 4, $80 for a team of 3, or $60 for a team of 2.
- The 567 Center - 456 1st Street, Macon
Bird Day at the Museum of Arts and Sciences (10 a.m.)
The Museum of Arts and Sciences will hold their annual Bird Day on Saturday morning. Participants will see the Museum’s birds and learn all about the many types of birds from special guests from the Georgia Falconry Association (Dennis Mock and Mr. and Mrs. Paul Davis). Bird Day activities are included with regular museum admission for Saturday (which is $12.95 for adults, $10.95 for seniors and students, and $6.95 for children 6 to 16 years of age) and museum members receive free entry.
- Museum of Arts and Sciences - 4182 Forsyth Road, Macon
Picnic in the Park Food Truck Festival (11 a.m. - 4 p.m.)
The 5th Annual Picnic in the Park Food Truck Festival will take place Saturday morning in Carolyn Crayton Park (f/k/a Central City Park) Members of the public are invited to bring their families and pop-up tents, picnic blankets, and chairs for lots of food and fun.
- Macon Bibb County Recreation - 150 Willie Smokie Glover Drive, Macon
SUNDAY, JUNE 11
Macon Film Guild presents “Other People’s Children” at the Douglass Theatre (2 p.m., 5 p.m., and 7:30 p.m.)
“Other People’s Children” is a drama/comedy from France that deals with the complications that occur when two middle aged people fall in love while one of them has a young daughter (and an ex-wife in the picture) to consider. This movie will include subtitles and is not rated. Admission to the screening of “Other People’s Children” is a very reasonable $5.
- The Douglass Theatre - 355 Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, Macon
Thanks for reading and please feel free to comment about the event you are psyched about this week.

When somebody suggests you commit arson together, your reaction is most likely to differ based on the identity of that person. If anyone else had asked me to come along to burn down a building, I would have assumed it was a joke. However, being aware of Frankie Preston’s barely suppressed murderous tendencies made me take his request quite seriously. Of course, three main questions presented themselves upon first consideration.
“What building?”
“A small developmental factory owned by FunFlair.”
“Do you plan on burning it while there are still people inside?”
“Only one, and that one deserves to burn alive.”
Shelving my thoughts on that answer for the moment, I inquired as to when he was hoping to go about this endeavor.
“The sooner the better. My sister—you haven’t met her—found out that they’re going to move sites in the near future, so if I want to take revenge on my old boss easily, I need to do it now. It won’t be too difficult. I know the layout of the place really well, they can’t have changed much these last three years. It’s small, hidden but unprotected. A bunch of containers in some woods a couple hours from here. The human I hate most in the entire world is there, every night, working all alone.” His shoulders twitched. “I drove by the place a couple times, and I kept thinking about doing it, but I was too scared. Having you there would make all the difference.”
“It would?” I echoed.
“Yes! Sunshine, you’re strong. Amazingly so. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you, but the thing is, I can’t do this on my own. If you tell me to go away and never mention this again, I will. That I swear to God. Or whatever sadistic omnipotent being has put me on this world to suffer.” He briefly glanced heavenward, or rather at the ceiling, then back at me. “I can’t hurt anybody, remember?”
I nodded along slowly. “This person, your old boss… what did they do to you?”
“Simply put, she’s why I hate everything.” He spoke with an uncanny intensity, staring past me like he was miles away.
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Philomena Wallis. She’s the one who keeps sending people after me. She wants me back to do fuck knows what to me because she's still pissed I screwed her over." He paused. "She did—does horrible things. You'd want her dead, too."
"Why isn't she in prison?"
"Nobody gets taken to prison if they're rich enough. Either way, what she does isn't technically illegal… and no one knows about it either. It's a tricky situation."
I took a deep breath. “Do you have a plan?”
“I do. We’ll go there at night, I’ll slip in and make sure the door to Phil’s workspace is locked, and then we’ll douse the whole thing in gasoline.”
“Are you sure you’ll need me for that? It doesn’t sound like you’d be inflicting hurt directly. I mean, you wouldn’t have to actually raise a hand to your boss, not physically. Or can you not do that either?”
“The risk lies rather within what could happen if she finds me.” He rubbed his arm, a look of uncertainty crossing his features. “I’m different when I’m around her. I can’t help it, she… she can just walk all over me. She made me be this way. There’s nothing to be done about it, except to get rid of her once and for all.”
“I’m not following. She made you be this way? What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said!” he snapped, only to shrink back and raise his hands. “Sorry! I’m so sorry!”
I stared at him in silence for a beat. “You’re terrified,” I said.
He glanced at his chucks, then back at me, looking like he wanted to say something but didn’t know what.
“Sad, too,” I added. “Sometimes, I can’t tell what you think, so I apologize if I’m reading this wrong…”
“You shouldn’t have to guess what’s going on inside my head anyways,” he muttered. “I can’t believe what I’m trying to rope you into again. It’s like I didn’t hear myself talk for a minute there.”
“I’ll help you.”
He raised a skeptical brow. “I don’t want to force you. I swear I don’t. I will do this, and I’d feel so much better if you came with, but if this is something you’re gonna resent me for in the long run…”
“The long run?”
“I mean—” He started playing with his gum again. “Are we not doing this? You really like me, I think?”
“I think we shouldn’t be talking about this in the same breath as committing lethal arson.” I rubbed my nose before letting go of a long breath. “If I can’t stop you from doing this, I’ll at least make sure you come back out in one piece.” I wonder if this is how Nettie Peterson usually feels.
Frankie beamed. “You will? You’re absolutely sure?”
“Yes. Here’s the plan, I drop off what I bought for my savior human and then we can prepare; do what’s needed. I don’t want to put this off. The sooner it’s over, the better.”
“Definitely,” he agreed with an eager nod. “I’ll drive you right over.”
“Good. And Frankie… you know precisely how I feel about you.”
We got on our way the following morning. The car ride lasted several hours, most of which I spent fast asleep stretched out on the backseat. It was a wonderful nap; I hardly felt any of the vehicle’s movements, admittedly a credit to the server’s abilities as a driver. Eventually, the road was getting too bumpy to ignore, and I drowsily lifted my head to find us pulling onto heavily wooded terrain. Upon noticing I was awake, Fran gave me a fleeting, quite obviously forced smile. After a few more minutes, we came to a halt on a clearing. I got out and produced a canister of gasoline from the trunk, handing it to Fran after opening the door for him. He looked strangely absent, gazing off into the distance with a vacant look in his eyes. He grabbed the offered canister and clutched it to his chest, almost like he was hugging it.
“We’ll be going the rest of the way on foot, then?” I inquired.
He nodded wordlessly.
I couldn’t hide my frown. The air around us was warm and fragrant, the moonlight shining through between the branches that seemed to reach out for us as we began walking. There was not even a hint of a breeze, and yet, a chill ran down my spine. My companion’s demeanor was nothing short of uncomfortable; he seemed to suck the warmth out of the atmosphere around us, together with my initial confidence and the sweet scent of pine needles. His silence instilled in me a clammy sense of dread, and I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried. Normally, I would have probably appreciated the perfect calm and serenity of the lush forest around us, but seeing him in such obvious, unspoken distress drove away all my idyllic thoughts.
“This seems like an odd place to hide a factory,” I remarked, trying to open a conversation once more.
“That’s the point. You wouldn’t go looking for a doll manufacturer in bum-fuck nowhere,” he replied.
“It’s strange to think about. What kind of shady stuff can a toy manufacturer even get up to? Don’t get me wrong, I trust you when you say they’re bad people, I just wish you’d give me a little more information. I feel like I’m not getting something here.”
He let out a low hum. “You… are really innocent.”
“No, I’m not,” I argued, affronted.
“Not in a bad way. I said innocent, not naive. I’ve been cagey again, I know that, but the thing is, you’ll see exactly what I was talking about when we get there. You’ll understand everything, and to be honest, I’m very afraid of what you’ll think once you do.”
We finally reached the building Fran had told me about. If it could indeed be called a building. It looked more like something that had been thrown together by a larva using Lego bricks. It was, as predicted, a bunch of containers lined up and stacked atop one another, small corridors and open metal staircases connecting them. It seemed to be almost entirely empty—all the lights were out, except for a single one. From behind a window on the upper floor, filtered through gray blinds, a cool, bright glow shone down upon us. It bathed Frankie in its surreal luminescence that seemed completely out of place given our raw, natural surroundings.
“You were right,” I stated, tearing him from his rigor. “Seems like there’s only one person in there.”
“That’s Phil,” he mumbled. “I’m certain.”
“Then let’s do this.”
Frankie detached himself from the canister, peeling it off his body like a piece of clothing. I took it from his hands while he walked over to the nearest door, reaching into his pocket to produce a set of shiny, slim tools. Despite the darkness, he set his fingers to work on the lock. It didn’t take long at all for him to let out a satisfied sound, straightening up as he held the now open door for me. “I’m very skilled at lockpicking,” he said lightly, by way of conversation.
I couldn’t hide the admiration in my gaze, and I gave him a proud smile that briefly caused his features to soften. I had not yet crossed the threshold when he grabbed me by the wrist, holding me back. “One more thing,” he whispered, his voice suddenly ringing desperate again, “you won’t like what we might see in there.”
“I know,” I answered. “It was implied.”
Stepping forth into the dark room, the smell of plastic and coffee instantly hit my nose. Fran fumbled for a lightswitch before thinking better of it and turning on the flashlight he’d brought. We were clearly in a breakroom; there was a table in the middle surrounded by chairs, an espresso machine in the corner and several calendars and posters taped to the walls. Unsuspecting. Frankie didn’t comment, immediately moving across the cube and towards the door on the other side. It led out into a small corridor, improvised using more corrugated iron elements, and into another larger container. There was a desk with a computer in one corner and an empty operating table in the center.
A large shelving unit occupied the entire left side of the room. A closer inspection revealed that it held all sorts of small parts, though what they were parts of was beyond me. Opening the plastic drawers at random, I glimpsed all sorts of metallic and silicone pieces, forming strange little… thingies.
“What is all this?” I asked Frankie.
He had been standing by the operating table, staring at it with unblinking eyes. His expression was once more perfectly vacant. Not even his jaw was moving around his bubble gum. He didn’t look up, and for a minute, I wondered if he’d heard me at all. “Doll parts,” he suddenly answered, his voice lacking any inflection.
I frowned, picking up one of the tiny metallic objects and inspecting it closely. I could see what he meant now—it appeared to be a very small joint, perhaps for a finger. “When you said FunFlair made dolls, I thought you meant these stiff little baby dolls. I didn’t know they made them this detailed.”
“Oh, they can be detailed alright.”
“Is this, like, a robotics thing? Can they move on their own, too?”
Frankie let out a sharp, mirthless laugh that was much too short. He fell completely silent again, and it felt as though the room had gotten colder. I bit my lip, placing the finger joint back in its box. I tentatively reached out to Fran and rested a hand on his upper arm, only for him to flinch, drawing away as if burned. “D-don’t touch me right now,” he pleaded.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed.
“No, I am. Don’t mind me, okay? Let’s—let’s just go on.”
So we did. Another makeshift corridor led us over into the next container. The beam of our flashlight cut through the darkness, revealing a sight that made me stop in my tracks. There were several bodies propped up in the corners of the room, bodies that I only realized on second glance were artificial. They were of roughly the same size as the average person, with fully formed arms, legs and everything. Their faces however were different. Most of them weren’t even fully complete, the skin-like material not fully covering their heads and leaving the mechanical structures underneath uncovered. Their eyeballs—sitting in hard plastic sockets and unframed by lids—stared out at us blankly, utterly void and expressionless.
Cold dread began to seep into my bones, paralyzing me for a second before I managed to break from my stillness. Taking a step towards one of the lifeless figures, I bent down to get a closer look. Keeping my distance, I reached out a single finger to trace along one of the countless delicate wires peeking out from the soft patches of facial material. It was cool to the touch, making my skin crawl. I pulled back, turning to Frankie in bewilderment. “Wh-what is all this?” I asked hesitantly.
“That’s them. That’s the dolls.”
“Well, yes, I can see that but this… this is really, really unnerving.”
He let out a strangled, mournful sound. “I guess it is,” he said eventually, his voice low and flat. He knelt down beside me, a little closer to the doll, and started fumbling around with the back of its neck, clearly looking for something. Finally, I heard a little click, followed by a whirring noise as the doll jerked up its arm. I squeaked, scrambling back on my hands and rear, only to find my back suddenly pressed up against the chest of another mannequin. I hadn’t done a thing, but it instantly sprang to life; robotic fingers clamping down around both sides of my nape. The painfully fierce touch wiped away every last bit of my composure, and I let out a shriek that seemed to tear apart the relative silence. Frankie spun around to fix me with the beam of his flashlight, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, seemingly exploding when the hands started pulling me closer against the lifeless, yet animate body.
The next thing I knew was that Fran had leapt forward and removed me from the doll’s clutches with one swift, powerful yank. My chest was heaving and I couldn’t suppress a low whimper when I pressed myself to his side, frantically glancing about my surroundings. My fangs were bared, but my racing pulse was admittedly overtaxing me. I couldn’t seem to form any coherent thoughts. My flight-instinct was kicking in, further setting off my panicked response when I realized I might end up involuntarily jumping dimensions again.
Suddenly, I felt Frankie’s hand on my cheek, the gentle pressure tilting my head up to make me meet his gaze. “It’s alright,” he said, his voice equal parts firm and understanding. The fog in my head lifted just a little.
“They’re not going to hurt you,” he went on, his thumb stroking the curve of my outer ear. However he managed to convey such certainty when he himself had been so uneasy mere moments ago was beyond me, and yet, I found myself believing him. My breathing slowed and I hazarded a second glance at the doll I had bumped into.
It had stopped moving, its body having locked into an unnatural, almost feral-looking position. It was cowering on all fours, its torso lowered and its head up. Its neck was bent at such an extreme angle that it was approaching the comical.
“What the fuck was that?” I whispered, the curse word escaping me before I could stop myself.
“Some of them have to be activated manually, others can be turned on just by touch. I remember that,” Frankie replied. “There’s no need to be afraid of them, though. Even if it’s hard to believe considering… well.” He gestured at the oddly crouching doll at our feet.
“Something’s very wrong here,” I muttered, unable to tear my eyes off the lifeless, incomplete face. “I didn’t even know they made toys like that.”
“They’re not for children,” Frankie said, his eyes glazing over once more.
“Are they, like, robots? Do they know what they’re doing?”
“Not if they’re lucky, they don’t.” He paused. “They’re not made to think. Any awareness they might have would be unplanned for.”
“And you really used to work here? Did you help build them?”
“We can talk about that once we’re out of here.”
I swallowed. “Look, I’m freaking out. This can’t be a normal production site.”
“It’s not. I wish you didn’t have to see this. It… it only gets worse. And your instincts aren’t failing you, none of this is right. If you want to back out, I don’t blame you. This place shouldn’t exist.”
I took a deep breath. I wished I had insisted on knowing the full truth before coming here, but it couldn’t be helped now. Instead of prying further, I pointed at the canister of gasoline. “Then let’s remedy that.”
Despite himself, Frankie smiled.
Instead of mirroring the expression, I felt my own features suddenly derail. “Oh crap.”
“What is it?”
“Do you think she heard me scream?”
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
19: shopping cart
20: olms and Jewels
21: long hair
22: recruitment
23: waitresses

Top 10 Places to Visit in Thailand

From the glittering temples to white sand beaches and culinary traditions, Thailand has captured the attention of every tourist. Famous as the ‘Land of Smiles,’ this blog will help you prepare the best itinerary for your next vacation by offering a list of the top 10 places to visit in Thailand.
Are you searching for the best tourist destination for a family or honeymoon vacation? Don’t worry. We have the perfect choice for you!
Thailand offers visitors an ideal mix of adventure, peace, romance, and royalty. It is popularly known for its pristine beaches, magnificent temples, rich culture, and flavorful cuisines. The Big Buddha, Golden Triangle, delicious street food, and exotic floating market completely fascinate Northern Thailand and Southern Thailand among visitors.
This country is home to an incredibly rich cultural heritage, breathtaking scenery, and incredible nightlife. Whether going out with your friends and family or planning a romantic getaway with your partner, nothing can be better than making unforgettable memories in Thailand.
Thailand hosts many cities, each with a unique identity and charm. We know it’s challenging to identify the top ones from the platter. So, we have relieved you of this task by listing the top 10 places to visit in Thailand.
Bangkok – The capital city
It is Thailand’s capital city and offers an exhilarating mix of the big-city bustle, modern architecture, and happening lifestyle. It hosts the impressive grand temple of Wat Pho with the giant reclining Buddha, and the shimmering nightlife is a treat to watch. The Chatuchak weekend market, loaded with sumptuous Thai cuisine and shopping sprees, is no less than a pleasing gimmick for travelers. The Khao San Road is the best place to begin your journey and experience the tropical beauty of Bangkok.
Khao Yai National Park – The wildlife haven
If you are a wildlife enthusiast, Khao Yai National Park is the best place to soothe your love for animals. It is the first and the third largest national park in Thailand. This UNESCO world heritage site shelters diverse wildlife like elephants, monkeys, hornbills, wild Thai tigers, gibbons, bats, Asian black bears, freshwater crocodiles, pig-tailed macaques, etc. The dense, dripping flora and beautiful waterfall are a sight to watch the long-standing natural preserve. The park also features more than 50 km long hiking and biking trails passing through the jungle pools of vines and orchids.
Phuket – A family getaway
The palm-fringed beaches, authentic and delicious cuisines, exotic local culture, luxurious spas, and high-lit lifestyle make up the ravishing beauty of Phuket. Adventure the adrenaline rush with kayaking, jungle trekking, white water rafting, scuba diving, and much more. Phuket is the country’s largest island and the perfect family getaway for relaxation and pampering. A visit to Patong Beach, the most popular beach in Phuket, and Phang Nga Bay, a fantastic place that houses aquatic grottoes, limestone islands, and beautiful caves, fill up the fun spaces in the entire journey.
Chiang Mai – The temple city
With more than 300 temples, Chiang Mai is famous for its rich and magnificent ancient temples. It is the second-largest city in Thailand and home to two tribal villages. For tourists wishing to experience the coexistence of historical and modern Thai architecture in the mountainous landscapes, Chiang Mai is the perfect place to be. One of the most famous temples in the area is Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep, situated on a mountainside overlooking the city. Some of the fascinations of Chiang Mai are botanical gardens, handicraft markets, elephant nature parks, etc.
Sukhothai – Rich ancient ruins
Sukhothai beholds the rich ancient historical sites, statues, and temples of Thai culture. It was the first capital of Thailand, then Siam, during the 13th century. The Sukhothai historical park is home to multiple ancient temples, Buddha statues, chedis, and other archaeological sites highlighting Thailand’s rich history with stucco relief. This place depicts the golden period of Thai civilization – The Dawn of Happiness through its architectural beauty. If you reach early, you can also experience the peaceful and rare sight of the sun glinting off the historical sites.
Ko Chang – The Elephant Island
If you are looking for the best of a tropical vacation with your friends, family, or spouse, Ko Chang is the best destination to capture the most beautiful memories. It is the second-largest island in Thailand and has the elephant-shaped headland. Hence, famous as Elephant Island. The area is adorned with vast sandy beaches and tropical jungles. The White Sand Beach is the island’s most popular and longest beach to visit, and Namtok Khlong Phlu is the largest waterfall in Ko Chang that drops into cascading tiers. The route here is underdeveloped, so getting here is more of a trek. This island offers tourists fun, rustic, budgeted bungalows, glittering bars, and restaurants.
Kanchanaburi – City with the iron railway bridge
Although admired for its natural beauty, national parks, waterfalls, and gigantic scenery, Kanchanaburi is primarily known for its iron bridge over the river Kwai that links the Death Railway to Burma. It got its name as “Death Railways” because, between 1942-1943, one hundred thousand Asian laborers and prisoners of World War II died during its 16 months of construction under the Japanese occupation during WWII. Kanchanaburi is also an ideal pursuit for hiking and rafting. You also get to explore the Thailand-Burma Railway Center, an interactive museum that tells the tragic story, and the JEATH war museum, a replica of the ‘prisoners of war camp.’
Krabi Province – Authentic Thai culture
If you are fascinated with the authenticity of Thai culture, Krabi Town, a small city in the Malay peninsula, is the perfect vacation destination to engross more in it. Flourished with jaw-dropping scenery and island-hopping tours, this place is one of the must-visit destinations for a vacation trip to Thailand. Some popular attractions of Krabi town are Koh Phi Phi Viewpoint, Railay Beach, Bamboo Island, PhraNang Cave Beach, etc. Explore the local night markets, have a soothing Thai massage, and spend days wandering around the incredible nearby attractions.
Koh Tao – Learn to dive
This 21 sq. km island remained uninhabited until the late 1900s and was recently developed as a travel destination. If you are a marine water activity enthusiast, Koh Tao is the best place to learn diving and become a certified diver. It also offers open water diving courses. The place is also home to abundant marine life like whale sharks, butterflyfish, bull sharks, batfish, etc. Koh Tao also offers to explore the vibrant scenes of vast sandy beaches, lush forests, and majestic granite rock formations. Travelers can accommodate in luxury resorts while enjoying the scenic paradise.
Pattaya – Pulsating nightlife
Pattaya is the best place to be if you are a party freak and enjoy loud music, running lights, and booze! Formerly a beach resort for American GIs during the Vietnam War, Pattaya is famous for its raucous nightlife, exotic bars and clubs, massage parlors, and adultery. However, the quality of its beaches, multiple water sports, shopping centers, and entertainment zones have cleaned up Pattaya’s reputation as a family vacation destination.