Est to mountain time

Hello. I have a 2 speed brompton that I recently bought a new KMC X8.93 chain for. Its my first time installing a chain. I cut the chain to the same length as the old one, but after installing it I can feel the chain slipping when I pedal hard in the smaller cog. I tried swapping back to the old chain and the problem goes away. Did I buy an incompatible chain or could it be something else? I noticed that the chain says its for 8 speed.

Hello fellow Redditors!
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out to this amazing community to share an exciting idea I've been working on and to gather your valuable feedback and insights. I am passionate about AI technology and its potential to revolutionize various industries. Specifically, I've been focusing on Chatbot Development, Web Development, Natural Language Processing, Machine Learning, Deep Neural Networks, Deep Learning, GPT-4, and Artificial Neural Networks.
I believe that AI-powered chatbots have the potential to enhance user experiences, streamline processes, and provide personalized solutions. They can be employed in customer service, virtual assistants, and numerous other applications. With the advancements in Natural Language Processing and Machine Learning, chatbots are becoming increasingly sophisticated in understanding and responding to human interactions.
Furthermore, Deep Neural Networks and Deep Learning algorithms have significantly contributed to the progress of AI. These technologies enable the development of powerful models capable of recognizing patterns and making accurate predictions. As we eagerly anticipate the release of GPT-4, the potential for AI-generated content and its impact on industries like content creation, customer service, and information dissemination is remarkable.
I am reaching out to this community in the hopes of gathering consumer feedback and insights. If you have any experiences or thoughts regarding AI-driven chatbots, web development, or the ethical implications of these technologies, I would love to hear them. Your perspectives and ideas are essential in shaping the direction and responsible development of AI applications.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, ask questions, or offer suggestions. Let's engage in a productive and open discussion about the potential of AI and its impact on our lives. I am looking forward to hearing from you and learning from your diverse experiences and perspectives.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post, and I'm excited to connect with this vibrant community!
Best regards

Im feeling lost, after an on and off relationship of 4 years. I've never felt these emotions until now.I feel I have lost sense of self, hope for future and excitement in life. it was 2 weeks ago. I stupidly reached out to him because I saw him at work. How do I move on from someone I have to see at work?
our story.
we both met online but recognized that we worked in the sample place but different departments. after a while we started waving at each other. eventually our worlds merged. we created a bubble of safety. I didn't set any boundaries and being an empath I felt all responsible for his depression/anxiety. while I was feeling his emotions. we both avoided difficult conversations. our backgrounds were very different. I came from a very cultural and conservative family as an immigrant. He grew up here, in a loving family. my parents expectations were very different (you date and get married). we spent our free time learning, watching documentaries, building leggos, cooking. I hid a lot of personal things I was dealing with from him, I felt like he never understood me. when I tried to communicate to him how back home my extended family tried to married me home he said he didn't want to know and it hurt him, he never made an effort when I needed him. we eventually fell into routine of reverting to avoiding our troubles. one day after years it got so bad that he told me I had to make a choice. having a very low self esteem I thought he was telling me to break up. we remained as friends for a few months until one day when I was at my lowest and depended on him for support he sent me a text telling me that he was seeing someone and that he didn't know how to tell me. I had gotten so bad when I needed him that I went to ER, it was my worst nightmare to get this text. due to my demand we met in person and talked. we cried and he kept telling me he feels the same way. after 2 or so weeks today I reached out to him because I wanted him to quit his job because I didn't know how to control my emotions. I hate seeing him around. I don't feel angry anymore I just feel like I didn't move on and im trying the best way I know how. I got an appointment at a therapist. Im trying to work on myself but it feels like I lost my best friend, and hope for my future.

We were 3 hours away from each other and I’d drive down to see her once or twice a month at least. There were times where I stayed at her family’s house for a few days up to just over a week for Christmas. In January she started study abroad in Spain, we’re from California. Since she moved to spain it all changed. She got much more distant and so did I. I hoped that when she came back to the usa in 5 months that things could go back yo normal. The day she got back I drove down to see her and spent the whole day with her. Everything seemed like it was before. We went to eat, walked around, had a lot of fun together. I had to leave to get ready for the busiest 2 weeks of the year for me. I had to travel out of state for a competition I compete in which takes up about 16-18 hours a day from me where I can’t have my phone. She knew that I would be busy. The second to last day of this competition right before the finals she texts me. She said “I don’t love you anymore.” I thought everything was going great again. I tried to talk to her but she kept saying there’s nothing that I can do she doesn’t love me anymore already. Her reasons were honestly valid, but we had talked about it many times in the past and said we’d make it work. Stuff about our future that we made compromises on. This all happened a couple days ago and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her for a single second since. We have come close to breaking up in the past and when that happened she wanted me to give her a squishmallow she gave me for my birthday. I’ve had the thought in my head to drive the 3 hours there and 3hours back to give it to her just so I can see her again. I know it’s wrong but I can’t fathom being without her anymore. We were friends for years before we ever got together and now we don’t talk at all. I haven’t left my bed other than for food or water since I got home. I need something to take my mind off of her

I never believed in corny stuff like that until I met them. We’ve both dated a ton of people and never felt like marriage was interesting until we met each other. Our relationship is one out of a million in so many ways but there are some things that are making me question it. I’d love advice about how to move forward.
The situation is a little complicated but basically we’ve been together about 4 years, for the first couple years we were non-monogamous but neither of us had any desire for others. We decided to be monogamous a couple years in because neither of us had acted on any desire for others, but we said we’d broach the subject if it came up for either of us.
3 years into the relationship my partner had some pent up resentment around me not pulling my weight with household chores. I put effort in and eventually got medicated for adhd but they still have frustrations around that. During that time I decided to take a job that would take me out of town for the bulk of 5 months. Our relationship wasn’t feeling great and neither of us felt good around our communication. My job and lack of involving them in my decision really took a toll on our relationship. It brought up a lot of feelings around abandonment and feeling unimportant for my partner and I started working overdrive to make them feel important and make compromises with my career because I could feel them slipping away. I changed my plans to have more time at home and started putting a lot of work in.
At the same time, they asked if we could be open and if they could pursue sexual relationships with others. They stopped being affectionate with me and would bristle at my touch when I came home. I knew that they fancied someone they had met that was now friends with all our friends. I’ve always been open to non-monogamy, but told them that I was very worried that the added stress of opening our relationship in the midst of so much change and disfunction might end our relationship. We had some communication breakthroughs and good conversations during this time. Eventually though it was clear that they weren’t being honest about their motives opening the relationship, they said they were sexually frustrated and lonely because I was out of town and just wanted to be able to casually flirt/hookup with strangers. I said it still felt like we needed to focus on healing our relationship, but would compromise with them because I know what a compromise it is for me to be away. They however didn’t like my boundaries of not dating friends and wouldn’t be honest about their attraction/priorities to a friend they would spend solo time with every week.
They never did anything with this friend, but they would have blowout fights with me about “changing the rules” of our relationship when I became uncomfortable with their lack of honest communication and acceptance of my boundaries. I’ve never felt so far from them. Eventually the fights were so toxic that we mutually decided to focus on just each other. They picked me over the other person, but it’s left a lot of repair. We want marriage and kids and the future together.
TLDR; sex and intimacy has been a work in progress since that time. We’ve hurt each other and have been working on the relationship together but they still have really bad communication sometimes and they aren’t as interested in sex. It’s been a year since our usual routine of daily/every other day sex. Now it’s maybe 1-3/month. We are working on it together and I’ve made progress with sharing chores evenly but it’s hard to not have my ego bruised or feel that they’ve just lost attraction for me. The part that makes me wonder if I should let it go is that when I talk about my feelings with them they always manage to make it about them or assigning blame. I’m working very hard to make the relationship work and practice good communication, but I want a relationship that is romantic and sexual as well as a best friend. They’ve shown me with their choices that they are committed to our relationship but it doesn’t always feel like they are as awake as me. They also deal with depression and anxiety. I’m hopeful, I’m just not certain.
Should I continue to rebuild this relationship that doesn’t always meet my needs/feel reciprocal? Or should I let it go and hope that I haven’t made a massive mistake?

Hope this allowed in here.
I need some advice on which computer will be better for me.
I do graphics design (InDesign, Illustrator, Photoshop), video creation and editing (AE, Premier) and a bit of 3D rendering (C4D with Vray renderer). I'd say the split is about 65/30/5 %.
At the moment I'm using a 2017 iMac pro, but I'm finding it slow, especially for C4D.
Should I get an M1 or M2 Max Mac Studio, or a beast of a PC with an i9 and GTX4090?
I'm happy with either OS, although I do prefer the Mac OS to Windows.
Would the M2 be fast enough at rendering for the small amount of time I do that? Would the PC be faster or slower rendering 4k video? How will compatibility be with others in my company using Macs for design work?

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It's in East Coast Bays. The rent is 350 per week including all the bills.
The studio is about 30 squares large, fully furnished and it's on the ground floor. It's attached to the main house but I don't need to share space with anyone. I have been living here for a month now and the neighbourhood is very quiet.
I'm a PhD student and I spend most of my time working at home. My routine is also different from most people's (I work during the night). So living alone is a better choice for me.
​
I'm struggling because for me 350/week is slightly over the budget (my ideal rent is around 280/week), For me, it's affordable but not cheap.
Is it easy to find a studio that costs less than the current one? If it's not, I'll just live here.
​
I am new in New Zealand and I browsed many ads on TradeMe but most of them are looking for roommates, so I have no idea how much a studio costs in Auckland. I think it's a good idea to ask the locals.
Thanks!

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Serious question. People say we read less, I believe we read more now than ever. You just read this and it invoked emotional response, even if not at the same level of Hemingway.

I stopped taking Zoloft about 5 weeks ago, and started taking it again today. It already feels therapeutic, but this could be placebo. I’m wondering if it’s going to take 4-6 weeks to be therapeutic or if you pick up right from where you left off. Has anybody done this?

I rarely post, but recently I've been reading some posts where people offer uplifting responses to strangers. It has been a source of comfort for me lately. At the moment, I feel overwhelmed and defeated, with a deep sense of loneliness. I want to express my emotions intelligently, as I am experiencing profound emotional wounds and a lack of direction in my life. This description reflects my current state.
The aspects that define me at this moment are a combination of permanent, temporary, cyclical, and circumstantial factors. I find myself in the deepest depression I have ever experienced in my 41 years of life. Considering my current circumstances and the metrics used to measure success, I feel like a complete failure. If one were to analyze my job history and performance, there were moments of incredible opportunities followed by brief success, only to be followed by utter failure. Similarly, if we were to evaluate my personal life in terms of social interactions, dating/marriage, friendships, and health, I would be considered among the lowest performers. It seems like my entire life has been marked by failure.
Furthermore, it seems as though the universe has singled me out for some special kind of punishment. For years, I have felt a sense of surrealism, where every decision or action I take inevitably leads to unfavorable outcomes. Every significant matter in my life has ended in prolonged consequences, worsened circumstances, or some form of material loss. I have missed out on numerous opportunities, chances for marriage and having children have slipped away, I am financially struggling, and I have very few friends apart from one in my former hometown of Chicago and another in Alaska. My spirituality and faith have also been deeply affected by the setbacks and obstacles I have faced, and I am dealing with all of this without the support of my estranged family.
My three best friends, my sisters, and I have not spoken in six years. I can't recall the last time I spoke with my brother, as he doesn't respond to my emails or texts. My mother is suffering from rapid-onset dementia, while my father has recently retired from a lifelong career as a doctor. Throughout my life, my family has systematically scapegoated me, starting with being labeled the black sheep. However, everything changed when I disclosed at the age of 27 that my brother had sexually and physically abused me as a child. Since then, life has been a constant battle against me. The universe seemed to shift its axis, and my life has never been the same. It is particularly disconcerting that my brother, a urologist by profession, is the perpetrator of such heinous acts.
My sisters, as research suggests, took sides between the "black sheep/fuckup/substance user" and the successful urologist. They accused me of lying, changing my story, waiting too long, claiming it was nothing, and even being jealous of my brother's life, which includes a mansion, a Porsche, wealth, and respect. Since I have accomplished nothing, they believe I fabricated drunken tales of childhood and only decided to reveal this ultra-specific story at the age of 27. I never imagined that I would lose my family in this way. It feels like I have lost my identity, purpose, support system, best friends, and confidants – my sisters. They have subjected me to the silent treatment, which my brother also employs, treating me as if I don't exist. My sister's last text message summed it up when she said that they don't get together to talk about me anymore because I don't come up in their conversations. It was the same sister who initially encouraged me to reveal the truth about the abuse but then betrayed me and twisted the narrative.
In my family, my case of sexual abuse was not an isolated incident. My father, a physician and at the time a pediatrician in Illinois, had a second case of sexual abuse and incest in his side of the family. His younger brother, the second oldest among seven siblings, also abused his own daughter, my cousin. He is also Dr. A few years before I disclosed my own abuse as an adult, my cousin trusted my father enough to disclose her abuse to him. Despite my father not knowing about my case at the time, he took no professional action to report the abuse committed by another doctor, his brother, who abused his now niece, and did nothing.During that same disclosure, my cousin admitted that her two brothers, who are also my cousins, had abused her as well. This meant that five members of her household, three of whom were abusing one child, were involved in these traumatic events. My father, along with his brother and siblings, did nothing legally to report these incidents. My uncle, the abuser, is now the president of a hospital in East Texas. So technically, my case was the fourth, following my uncle, cousin, and another cousin. One of those cousins is now a pastor of a small church community, while the other works for a former presidential candidate's company. As for me, I have been trapped in a cycle of failure to launch as an adult, mental health issues, and intermittent substance abuse problems for the past 20 years. And that's not even the end of it – the fifth case involves my cousin, who was arrested in a state capital where he worked as a therapist or counselor. He was arrested for filming his young neighbor through her window. I am aware of his arrest but do not have any information regarding the progress of his case or its resolution.
To put it all together, it is an intricate mess of narcissism, ego, power, control, and childhood trauma. I strongly believe I have developed complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) as a result of these experiences. In fact, I am certain that I have.
Fast-forward to the present, and I am writing this from a motel room, where there are too many details to recount from the past six months since my return from Montana. In a way, I followed the path of my other abused cousin – I left. However, I ultimately failed and had to return to a city near my parents, a city I despise. To add to my troubles, I was falsely accused of felony domestic violence soon after my return, further fueling my sense of failure and shame. My parents, upon hearing about the incident, made it clear that they wanted little to do with me. Speaking of Montana, my experiences and the year I spent there were truly nightmarish, to say the least. But that's a story for another time.
During the car ride to a hospital in a small town in the same county, my father and I had an opportunity for a discussion about the abuse. I wanted to understand why he did nothing in all five cases, why the eldest child seems to be targeted (true for my brother and cousin), why successful doctors are involved – including a pastor, a consultant, and now a urologist after the fact. Did he not notice the intergenerational pattern and his own parental negligence as a physician and a parent of adult children? I questioned why he took no action, why his behavior changed so drastically in the past three years, why he lied about his knowledge of nondisclosure agreements (NDAs) when he had used them for possible infidelity and had lied about private settlements. He even harassed me using the police, assassinated my character in our small town, and now charged me with striking him, resulting in false statements and allegations. As a consequence, my reputation has been tarnished while my father's remains pristine. We currently reside in a town where he practiced medicine, and the consequences for me are severe. Deep in my heart, I know that his post-arrest behavior towards me has been consistently inconsistent. He evades questioning, avoids contact and visits, and shows no signs of wanting a relationship. Instead, he guilt-trips me, shifts blame, engages in word salad and gaslighting, and pathologically lies.
As I sit here now, I wonder: What can one do in such a dire situation? There seem to be no options, no answers, no safety nets of money or emotional support, no motivation, and no joy – only the looming threat of a potentially harsh sentence. Even worse, my father has attempted to record my phone calls and offered me money not to hire a proper defense attorney or pursue litigation, just a week before I was supposed to accept a four-year adjudication plea as an innocent party. Then, when I decided to plead my innocence at the last minute during the trial, he abandoned me once again, signaling to me that money is somehow tainted. Regardless, it's gone now.
I apologize for unloading all of this on Reddit, and I understand that it may be quite depressing for others to read. However, I feel that I have reached the end of my fight, not against just one issue, but against a conglomerate of issues that have stolen my life and time, offering me nothing in return. I desperately need legal advice, emotional support, prayers, or any form of assistance. I find myself lost in a maze of confusion, where every turn I make is a miscalculation, distorted by backward perspectives and reflections off other elements. Over the past six weeks since leaving my job due to a problematic relationship with the owner, I have been living a transient and isolated existence in the dark corners of this wretched city. It feels as though I have been exiled from my own life. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I want to assure you that I'm not dramatizing this situation; I'm simply sharing my experience because I have no one else to talk to. I have been completely alone and isolated since losing my job.

Hello fellow Redditors!
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out to this amazing community to share an exciting idea I've been working on and to gather your valuable feedback and insights. I am passionate about AI technology and its potential to revolutionize various industries. Specifically, I've been focusing on Chatbot Development, Web Development, Natural Language Processing, Machine Learning, Deep Neural Networks, Deep Learning, GPT-4, and Artificial Neural Networks.
I believe that AI-powered chatbots have the potential to enhance user experiences, streamline processes, and provide personalized solutions. They can be employed in customer service, virtual assistants, and numerous other applications. With the advancements in Natural Language Processing and Machine Learning, chatbots are becoming increasingly sophisticated in understanding and responding to human interactions.
Furthermore, Deep Neural Networks and Deep Learning algorithms have significantly contributed to the progress of AI. These technologies enable the development of powerful models capable of recognizing patterns and making accurate predictions. As we eagerly anticipate the release of GPT-4, the potential for AI-generated content and its impact on industries like content creation, customer service, and information dissemination is remarkable.
I am reaching out to this community in the hopes of gathering consumer feedback and insights. If you have any experiences or thoughts regarding AI-driven chatbots, web development, or the ethical implications of these technologies, I would love to hear them. Your perspectives and ideas are essential in shaping the direction and responsible development of AI applications.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, ask questions, or offer suggestions. Let's engage in a productive and open discussion about the potential of AI and its impact on our lives. I am looking forward to hearing from you and learning from your diverse experiences and perspectives.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post, and I'm excited to connect with this vibrant community!
Best regards

Upfront: english is not my first language, so please pardon any grammar mistakes - thank you :)
Hey all, my girlfriend and i are planning on getting a veiled cham sooner or later. So far online recomendation for an enclosure all seem to suggest a fully closed one (wood on 3 sides, glass at front, for example) - the reason is to dont stress the cham with the moving environment. on this sub i mostly read (and see) about full mesh enclosures (i hope thats the right word - the material that looks like the thing you put in windows to stop flys from coming in).
Are those the general recomendation from the long time keepers here? We live in central europe (austria) and the temps and humidity can vary a lot through out the year, so i was thinking that with a fully mesh enclosure all these variables have to be balanced all the time.
I‘m planning on building the enclosure myself, so I‘m pretty flexible with what to produce, so every feedback/comment would be greatly appreciated, cause i want to do that right!
And for the size - depending on when we are getting the cham - a smaller enclosure for a younger cham is the better option right? I was thinking on making the enclosure modular, so i can like build another block on top of it to raise the height while the cham grows up.
Thank you very much. Really, any good tips for starter are welcome!

Hello fellow Redditors!
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out to this amazing community to share an exciting idea I've been working on and to gather your valuable feedback and insights. I am passionate about AI technology and its potential to revolutionize various industries. Specifically, I've been focusing on Chatbot Development, Web Development, Natural Language Processing, Machine Learning, Deep Neural Networks, Deep Learning, GPT-4, and Artificial Neural Networks.
I believe that AI-powered chatbots have the potential to enhance user experiences, streamline processes, and provide personalized solutions. They can be employed in customer service, virtual assistants, and numerous other applications. With the advancements in Natural Language Processing and Machine Learning, chatbots are becoming increasingly sophisticated in understanding and responding to human interactions.
Furthermore, Deep Neural Networks and Deep Learning algorithms have significantly contributed to the progress of AI. These technologies enable the development of powerful models capable of recognizing patterns and making accurate predictions. As we eagerly anticipate the release of GPT-4, the potential for AI-generated content and its impact on industries like content creation, customer service, and information dissemination is remarkable.
I am reaching out to this community in the hopes of gathering consumer feedback and insights. If you have any experiences or thoughts regarding AI-driven chatbots, web development, or the ethical implications of these technologies, I would love to hear them. Your perspectives and ideas are essential in shaping the direction and responsible development of AI applications.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, ask questions, or offer suggestions. Let's engage in a productive and open discussion about the potential of AI and its impact on our lives. I am looking forward to hearing from you and learning from your diverse experiences and perspectives.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post, and I'm excited to connect with this vibrant community!
Best regards

Context: 1st Place guy = let's call him Alex. 2nd Place is myself. The problem is 4th Place guy, let's call him Stinky.
If Arena ends at 12:00. Stinky keeps waiting at 11:57 to battle me.
I battle Alex and get 1st Place, then Stinky finishes his battle with me at the same time. Stinky now gets 1st Place and there's less than a minute left. Which means I can't battle him and can't get the 1st Place rewards anymore.
Anyone know a solution to this? It's very frustrating.

It's for a gallery app. I stead of updating in real time, i am gonna update it every time media inserted. What should I do.
ContentObserver may be an answer but article suggested to unregistered it to avoid memory leaks.
What should I do?

I am 29M now and my first dianosage with MG is when I was 4. From that time, I have had many relapse and remission. I didn't take anything other than Mestinon 60mg x 2-3 times a day. For all the time, only my left or right eye was affected with dropped eye lid and double vision.
Two months ago, I think by a little stress and exhaustion, MG came back. It hit me hard, even when I increased to 5 times x 60mg a day. I was taking vitamin and mineral supplements daily, but little did I know, I was taking the one with Magnesium - which is a RED FLAG for MG. I stopped taking the supplements a few days ago (because I ran out of them, lol) and only realized its negative effect today after consulting my doctor.
Today my doctor added Methylprednisolone (Medrol) 8mg x 1 per day for me as an attempt to get rid of my double vision. Can anyone share the tips you take to minimize the side effects of Prednisone/ Medrol?
TIA.

Waking up is always hard. You're disoriented, there's often loud sounds to force you into consciousness, you might be jolted out of a deep sleep or a strange dream, and if you wear a sleep mask like myself you have to let your eyes adjust from total darkness to light.
This morning was no different, except for two things. 1, my alarm didn't wake me, I'm not sure what did, and 2, I smelled something faint and unexpected, bleach. Being an insomniac I do have bursts of random cleaning late at night, but last night wasn't one of them. I live alone in my country house way off the road, so waking up to something so obviously inexplicable was very concerning. I tried to remember if I had woken in the night and done something to cause the smell, but after a few moments of deep consideration I knew I hadn't. The reason? I was out of bleach.
I got out of bed and my body hurt all over. This isn't new, I'm in my late 40's and a farmer, my lifestyle is hard on my meatsuit. What was new was the unfamiliar pains in muscles I don't normally use on a regular basis. Growing concerned I started looking around and checking the house for the source of the smell, but my two cows had started their crying to be milked and the rooster was crowing like mad to be let out of the coop with his flock, so I threw on clothes and got to work.
Later that night after helping my only pig birth her piglets, I was stretched out in my large deep tub to soak away the day's labors when I remembered the oddities of the morning. I pondered what it could have been about but growing increasingly tired I decided to try to make it an early night. I was just tired and confused, sure it was nothing.
The next morning it happened again. This time I was woken from a deep sleep, so was even more disoriented. It was still dark and early, but the smell was stronger. When I checked the time I realized it was only 3am and the bleach smell was so strong it burned my nose and eyes. I got out of bed determined to find the source of this disconcerting situation, but when I put weight on my legs they buckled under me. Something was very wrong with my body so I called 911 to send an ambulance. What they found will confound me forever.
One of my kidneys is gone. There's no evidence of a wound, no scar tissue, no evidence it was ever there to begin with. I also have somehow misplaced half my liver. Again, it's just...gone. Police searched my home and property and found evidence that my pig's trough had human tissue in it. The reason I couldn't stand? A quarter of my calves in both legs are gone as well. It's like the connective tissues never existed despite all the evidence to the contrary. They are holding me for two days while my brother came to care for my animals.
He called me this morning and told me something doesn't feel right. I asked him if he noticed anything strange, and he admitted that he woke up unexpectedly to the smell of bleach. I don't know what this is, how it's happening, or why, but it happened again. As I write this my eyes and nose are burning, and the nurses are looking for the source. I'm worried what part of me is missing this time, and just how much more can be taken before there's nothing left.