How much are kwik trip eggs

Road Trip!

2009.08.05 02:37 MamsTaylor Road Trip!

/roadtrip is your source for everything road trip related. Whether you enjoy traveling by motorcycle, car, or recreational vehicle this is your destination for everything related to road trips!

2015.10.11 00:10 ConspirOC In Real Life Easter Eggs

You know in games or movies when you find a odd little secret that someone in production left unnoticed for the few in the audience that would look for it or happen to stumble upon it? This is the place to share those things you find in real life. This isn’t the area for posting digital Easter eggs, as in screenshots or photographs of screens (games, computer software, TV series, DVD menus); as those are regular Easter eggs and not IRL Easter eggs. Try /EasterEggs for such things.

2012.06.24 04:34 zapff PlantBasedDiet - Whole Food Plant Based Diet subreddit (WFPBD)

Home of the Whole Food Plant Based Diet (WFPB)! A whole-food plant-based, low-fat diet could reverse heart disease and diabetes.

2023.06.01 07:55 RejectedResume Converting my description and skills into clear bullet points.

I need help with creating bullet points. I received advice from a recruiter that it would benefit me if I condensed my skills/description section into a summary of bullet points that include the two together. I was told to describe your achievements and responsibilities in terms of impact and results. Use the PASTAR method: Achievement/Responsibility, how/what you did, and results. Keep each bullet point clear, concise and 1-2 lines max per bullet point. I have tried a few times but I was told each bullet point should have more of an action emphasis and be an attention grabber and my points were just boring and vague/unclear. I am at a loss here and would appreciate any help with making these descriptions into bullet points. Thank you in advance to anybody willing to help.
Job 1:
Responsible for the safe and precise assembly and disassembly of various gearboxes. Held to a high standard of quality while working efficiently to reach deadlines as required by individual contracts. Quality is an extremely critical process and adhering to planning and blueprint specifications aids in this. Inspecting for installation damage or imperfections in the machining process and communication with quality inspectors for repairs is important. Familiar with many practices for installation of gears and bearings requiring thermal fitting and tight tolerances in backlash between gears for proper alignment and meshing. Knowledgeable in the qualification processes of different sub-assemblies and assemblies requiring keen attention to details, often working with special instruction in the case of modified gearboxes. Knowledgeable in many tool combinations and custom fixtures used for specific gearboxes. Involves use of precision tools such as depth mics, calipers or inneouter micrometers for custom clearances and proper documentation of results for later use. Experienced in preparing gearboxes for shipment as well as receiving gearboxes and unloading for installation into stands for assembly/disassembly.
Job 2:
Follow engineering procedures filling out reports to remanufacture gearboxes from new components as well as refurbished. Often speak with engineers to discuss possible improvements, discovering new ideas to incorporate efficient work methodology. Responsible for inspecting imperfections in various sized gears and bearings during and after installation, keeping quality at top priority. Held to a high standard of precision and efficiency with minimal supervision during all aspects of the assembly process, daily use of inside and outside diameter micrometers, calipers and various gauges all used to keep hundredths of millimeter tolerances. Familiar with positive as well as negative fit, heating bearings for installation and freezing pins with liquid nitrogen for installation etc. Crimping and wiring electrical junction boxes with and without diagrams troubleshooting along the way. Additional experience in fully or partially disassembling gearboxes as required; installing, and uninstalling gearboxes on test stands, and troubleshooting issues found during tests. Always looking towards personal improvement, gaining as much knowledge as possible to make the best use of time and technique. Due to the nature of disassembling and assembling gearboxes, I am often facing new complications and using my own knowledge and abilities to solve the problems that arise.
Applies to both, if it fits.:
Tools used on a daily basis include but are not limited to: various sized cranes, mixing lubricants/sealants, precision measuring instruments, manual/power mechanics tools, torque wrenches with custom torque specification, pressing fixtures, heat lamps/guns for thermal fitting, lifting fixtures, and safety wire.
· Mechanically inclined
· Highly self-motivated
· Adaptability to work under pressure
· Problem solving / Analytically minded
· Blueprint / Procedure comprehension
· Precision instrumentation experience
· 50 Ton overhead crane experience
· Computer literate
· Some CSS / HTML
· Microsoft Word / Excel / PowerPoint
· Proficient typing skills
· Inspection / Quality experience
· FOD Prevention Trained
· Custom wiring harness assembly
submitted by RejectedResume to Resume [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:55 plathoskitty5154 How do I communicate that I want to spice things up in my sexual relationship when I feel like my partner doesn't want to do the same ?

Background: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. Him and I have a healthy relationship however both of us have only experienced unhealthy relationships prior to us being together. We're still learning to communicate but have done very well so far. In a sexual aspect I think there could be more communication on my part, but due to my experiences communication regarding sexual needs is one thing that can be very difficult for me to overcome. I'm 20 and I have trauma's in a sexual aspect from 2 forced experiences, and my previous relationship.
My previous relationship was very unhealthy is every aspect and it was a long term relationship. During this I lost myself, and truly shut down as a person and now have serious situational and social anxiety. Im still teaching myself how to maintain my current healthy relationship, and how not to shut down in certain senarious. During many situations I will shut down due to me assuming that things would go in the direction they had gone in my previous relationship, even though they never do.
My sexual experiences in my previous relationship was only ever to please my partner. Nothing was ever about what I wanted, when I wanted it, or what I had liked. My needs we're never met. This caused me to forget what I truly liked, forget that my needs and wants are also important, and I know this sounds weird but actually makes me scared to orgasm. I only ever gave head whenever he wanted and never had sex when I wanted to. In the rare instance that he had been pleasing me he always said "you take to long to orgasm." This still affects me now with my current partner because when I'm being pleased I feel that I take to long and most of the time end up faking orgasms. I've talked to my current partner about this fear and he's reassured me he wants to make sure I get pleased and would never think I take to long and doesn't want me to fake anything. Although I still get scared and end up shutting down causing no change. The only sexual issue my current partner and I have is my anxiety, overthinking, and head. He has given me head 5 or 6 times since we've been together, but still pleases me in other ways so it doesn't bug me much but it would be nice if he would do it more.
I've recently had a very high sex drive and been wanting to try and re-learn things in interested in and spice things up so to say. However my partners sex drive has been very low, and this has been difficult for me to do. I use to have the fear of initiating anything and now that I have been he's rarley ever wants to do anything. I've been wanted to get dressed up all sexy, get a vibrator, and possibly try new positions, or do new foreplay to learn what turns me or see what really would fulfill my needs. However my issue with this is communication. I want to try new things but how do I communicate that or explain what to try when I don't even know what we could do? We have very normal basic sex, and I know previously I use to be into very freaky shit I guess you could say. I always have liked the thought of being bossed around or even tied up. However my current sexual partner doesn't want to tie me up and never really is very dominant and rough. He's very sweet with me, and very gentle which is also sexy but sometimes I want to be told what to do or be pushed down or choked. I've asked my partner what he feels about this and he didn't seem very into it. I think he likes things to be very quick and normal probably due to the connection we have during the action. Which I still want but sometimes I want to have fun with it.
Especially due to his low sex drive and me wanting to try new things. I've recently wanted to get a vibrator, not only to spice up sex for him and I, but also to be able to have an orgasm quick without fear, or be able to do it myself when he's not in the mood. I've never had or used one before but I believe my partner is worried this may replace him because he always seems uncomfortable any time I've ever mentioned it and I don't know how to quite get him on board with getting it and using it every now and then. I also don't know how to implement getting dressed in seductive clothing as hes told me he doesn't really see a point as its just going to be taken off anyways.
I really feel like there's something missing in our sex life but how do I communicate that without making him feel insecure or like I'm not interested in him and want someone else. Im not even attracted to other men or have ever thought even thought about being disloyal. I really enjoy our sex but I really want to spice it up but I'm not sure he feels the same. I'm not even sure if he's been into it recently. He never moans, doesn't look at me during sex, he doesnt talk. Our sex has always been so enjoyable and he makes me feel so good and I feel like it's a very big love connection between us when we have it. I just really want to spice things up but have no idea how to communicate this. Any advice ??
submitted by plathoskitty5154 to relationships_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:54 Majestic_Cry_9234 Not sure how to process my breakup

So my girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and to be honest, it somewhat blindsided me. We dated for around a year and everything seemed perfect. We went on trips, never got into arguments and talked about our future with each other. She has depression (tends to get bad in the summer time and has been to the doctor multiple times for it) which I accepted and understood considering her life before me wasn’t the best. But about a week before she broke up with me, I could really see when she turned just based off her attitude towards things and tone through messages. She told me that I was the best person she’s ever met, our relationship was 100% perfect, and she really hopes one day we can get back together (has told me this multiple times after the breakup as well) but she needs to learn how to be herself and grow by herself. She says I don’t deserve to be treated anything less than the best even though I thought she was perfect. We even had each others locations on our phones (Incase of emergency situations which both of us have been through in the past) and she wanted us to leave it on after the breakup even after I offered we can turn it off since I’m the only one she truly trusts. I’m just having a hard time digesting the situation given what I’ve been told since I’m a believer in problems can be worked out together. We’re still in a relationship on Facebook and a lot of the people around us don’t even know we broke up since we still talk everyday and are on good terms. At the moment I don’t think she’s engaging with anyone new but obviously don’t know that for certain. I have no interest in moving on and even told her I’d wait for her but I know I can’t wait around for the rest of my life. Anyone ever been though sometime similar and have any advice?
submitted by Majestic_Cry_9234 to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:54 GradientRebel How to deal with a client that has endless revisions but pays extremely well?

I work as an freelance editor for a company that creates educational videos. The problem is that the post supervisor is awful at the job. He is someone that is never satisfied. He always has one more note to give. Then when you address that note, 3 more pop up. Or when we are close to locking he suddenly wants to change the whole direction and feel of a cut, starting the whole process again. Sometimes he even goes back to locked cuts and begins tweaking them again. I’m on version 82 of a cut and still going. It’s awful. I have no creative energy left to give. He doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that it’s been months and we still haven’t locked a short video. The company doesn’t care that they’ve spent thousands of dollars on an editor. I don’t know what else to do. When I ask for clarity on notes he says he doesn’t have time to explain and to just do my best.
They pay me well, so that is some comfort, I guess, but as an editor I’m exhausted of this workflow. There’s only so much I can do to a cut, and it’s truly awful feeling like the end is nowhere in sight. I’m not cheap so I’m baffled.
How would you handle a client like this? How do you get a client that is never satisfied to the finish line?
Would it be wrong for me to put minimal effort into this high paying job given how ridiculous their workflow is? Just cash the check and keep giving them edits?
TLDR: client has endless revisions, doesn’t mind paying me to work indefinitely on a cut.
submitted by GradientRebel to editors [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:54 Advice_SexWork How to count calories on a school trip?

I have a 4 day long school trip next week. The breakfast is included, for the rest we will probably just buy some stuff and make a cold meal or eat some frozen foods.
I know that it’s only 4 days but I can’t even weight my food and my friends are extremely against calorie counting which makes it difficult to scan the labels of the packages.
Does anyone have an advice on how to track my calories there?
submitted by Advice_SexWork to CICO [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:54 Parking_Ad_3123 How to dose properly while on psych meds

Hello! I want to trip again, but I have recently gotten on some Anti Depressants (both an SNRI and SARI) Dec'21 n ADHD Medication Feb'22. I recently stopped my SARI due to sleep issues. Sleeping has been better since. About a year ago I did some molly n i came out of the situation having lost my ability to be tickled. My partner has been devastated ever since. And i have a hunch my new medications are to blame, adhd meds being stimulants etc, n cause when I wasnt on meds n rolled I had a dandy ass time. Now im kind of avoiding Molly, we r aquaintances only for now haha ANYWHO Im fearful of having a similar affect with Acid. And I wanted to ask for any resources on how to properly dose myself? I tried googling, erowid, etc. Everything is from the 00s n back. My medication is newer brands. I am assuming I may need to ween myself off my psych meds a few days or a week prior to tripping? But idk. I want to be safe and I want to continue to feel proper emotions n physical responses lol having lost my ability to be tickled actually makes me want to cry sometimes, so i hope to do everything i can to protect my poor neural pathways as best i can Is acid even an option for me anymore? Is having lost my ticklishness a sign of some sorta bigger issue? Sorry I know yall aint my psychiatrists lol
Hope this makes sense!
Any and all advice, resources, chatting etc is appreciated <3
submitted by Parking_Ad_3123 to LSD [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:53 ATorridChauffeur Diagnosed at 35, processing and some questions.

OK, rant first, then questions, TL;DR at the bottom.
Hi, I'm new here. Like the title says, I'm still dealing and trying to understand. I haven't been diagnosed in a western country (expat) so I'm still holding on to some skepticism...but my god it does make a lot of sense. I've spoken with my sister, my wife and they all confirm I have behaviors that fit this condition. I get really obsessed with things and then suddenly it drops out of my life and I don't remember why. I'm godawful with remembering dates, commitments and will get a sense of panic and anxiety at the slightest task I don't want to do. My memory of facts and concepts is really good but my episodic memory...I barely remember any conversations I've had in my whole life, where I've been or what I've done beyond LONG strokes. I went to the doctor because I've had this memory thing for as long as I can remember. I feel like I don't have an identity because of it and life feels like performative art a lot of the time.
Here's the weird part: since I got the diagnosis, I feel better. I feel more focused than I have in years. I'm not as anxious about being overwhelmed. I'm still forgetting stuff, I won't see things that are right in front of me and my past is still a fog. But man, I feel like I've dropped some image that I had of myself; that I was wasting my potential, that I was lazy and undisciplined. I was out of work for my entire twenties, clinging to whatever I could find, hating the job hunt so so much and being crushed after every interview. I didn't understand it, I didn't understand why I couldn't function like a normal person. I could intellectually understand my shortcomings but I couldn't DO anything about them. I have been told I am smart since I was two years old. I've always felt like a failure. And now I feel like I can finally let go of that image of myself and start connecting with what I'm actually like.
TL:DR and questions:
I got diagnosed late, I feel like it makes sense but somehow I feel better now? Here are my questions:

What does a GOOD day or week or month feel like for you? If you aren't taking meds, how did you come to that decision? What are your challenges and what helps you overcome them? Are there any moments or contexts where you are able to celebrate your differences to neurotypical people? (I feel that this question may come off as ignorant and/or romantic and I apologize in advance if it does. I acknowledge that I AM ignorant and tend to romanticise things)
submitted by ATorridChauffeur to ADHD [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:53 HungryAnswer1776 What tips can you give me (24M) about a fresh start in my home city after being away for nearly a year?

For some background, I am 5'7", White/Hispanic mix, dark brown hair & eyes, and around 177lbs. As of today, I have only kissed 3, maybe 4, girls in my life, and none those interactions even mattered to any of them.
For the past 10-11 months, I have been in another state for a grad school program that I graduated from a few weeks ago. For the past few weeks after graduation, I have been eating far less and losing weight as a result, partially in an attempt to prepare for a Europe trip my family has planned. Right now, I'm in the process of packing all my stuff so that I can move back to my home city several states away.
However, I won't fully be there until late June because I'll be away on that Europe trip before returning approx. two weeks later.
After I get back, I'll be in my home city and have a fresh new start to the dating world in my home city. I know that I need to work out more to grow more muscle and lose less fat, but I want to develop more confidence as well.
I know a few places that can be viable spots for approaching girls. They include my church, the gym where I plan on working out, and, to a lesser extent, a restaurant (bagrill) where gen zs frequent. Call me "out of the loop," but I don't know any other places where millennials and gen zs often hang, so what can I do to reach out more? Furthermore, where else can I go that doesn't make me seem out of place generation wise?
What's even more troubling is that I will be living with my mother for the next 6 months to a year. She's the type of person who normally doesn't want me going out late at night and wants to know where I am any time after 9pm. I get where she's coming from, but she has to put more trust in me now that I'm a (mostly) mature adult. She doesn't even allow me to drink, with a few exceptions, even though I know my limit. I've lied to her so many times about where I am to not make her concerned as much. I don't like it, but that's often what I have to do to get her off my back, when both living with her and away from her in the past. If she knows that I drank more than one wine, mixed drink, or even beer, driving or not, I'd be a dead man. My long-term solution regarding mom is to save up enough money at my job (starting in September) to find an apartment in at least 6 months. I'll be making around 65k a year, so I'm hoping it's feasible. For now though, how can I endure mom's grip on me when dating is involved? She approves of meeting girls in the church and maybe gym, so I know I can start there. I can't go to bars anymore because that raises mom's concern to an alarming degree, plus I'd be driving more, so safety is taken into account too. Ultimately, what can I do to expand my horizons without her disapproving of them? Hopefully the following paragraph is at least a good shot at that.
I want to figure out how to make dating apps not useless for me anymore. In the past few years, every dating app that I have tried (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Match, OkCupid), both in my home city and away in my undergrad and grad schools, has all resulted in hardly any matches per month, very rare first dates, and only just one second date with a girl, and even that girl just wanted to remain friends. That is why I want to work out more often so that I can show more of my future toned body to get more matches, but what other methods can I try to make my profile look more appealing?
submitted by HungryAnswer1776 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:52 Ok_Difference_5079 Late night worries to my wife I (42/M) written down that I have no intention of showing her (36/F)

Context: Married 15 years. 2 children. No drugs. I almost never drink. She does maybe once a night, 2/3 a week.
I’m up awake and had late night thoughts…. Wrote this down “to her” but no intention of showing her. Fitbit context is her gift to me, and me playing around with her numbers and mine (hers on her phone, she knew I was digging into fitbit).
I’m not suicidal or any of that shit!
I have no clue what to do from here.
I think I figured it out. It’s deeper then being on different schedules, stress, time of day, etc. I love you more than when we were married. Aside from being deeply insecure about many things (hidden) I think I’ve gotten to a lost cause here. I guess the epiphany was the Fitbit. I think you love me as the alternative is someone with me because of life and children together.
I used to say I was frustrated about your lack of interest. Going into my insecurities it’s deeper than that. It’s not a lack of interest I think now, it’s a lack of interest in me. I get turned on by you a dozen times a day, and often when it’s obviously not going to happen (kids, out & about, etc). I don’t think you see me this way. And the infrequency isn’t the sickness it’s the symptom.
The Fitbit. I’ve lost 15 pounds; best shape on a decade. It’s not my ego that I wish or fish for compliments, it’s attraction to me. After Monday I looked at my heart rate. I cww see my put it into words how I love you and everything about you. Stupid Fitbit. 130 bpm; 25 minutes. Yours, barely blipped over 90 and about as nondescript as it could be in the middle bpm range the entire day.
That doesn’t lie. Why did I get wound up during your trip to XX with a work G/F? Because twice Saturday your heart rate hit 130 bpm, one at park mid day, and a huge spike for 10 minutes right as you got back to the hotel at 1030 at night, after 3 hurricanes (5 min before texting good night and you got back safe). I don’t think anything happened externally (she’s religious work friend first girls trip together) but what got your heart facing at the park? And what 1030 at night after a literal day of walking around and drinking prior, that would spike it? What was going through your heart?
The feeling I can’t do that to you, and the feeling like I don’t do that is what drives all my insecurities and moods.
And there is no use asking or bringing it up, as you’ll tell me it’s all in my head. But like that bullshit all those years ago; I found directions in your phone to a nearby hotel set leaving from work. You said it was for a weekend getaway, which we both knew was BS (random hotel getaway 1 hour from home on a random Saturday). I found it after one of your long work saturdays; and I saw you logged only half the time at work in the time that you were gone. You told me that you had thought about it but never went through it, that you had someone in mind, but wouldn’t say who.
I was wrong /distant at so much to get you/us to that point. Prior to that I never doubted a single thing that you ever said, period. But the thing that hurt me oiled me. What happened really? And you later saying my memory was wrong or you forgot. FORGOY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
But what is the alternative? The truth bared? Janet did that when I was 21 and I’m grateful I learned the truth. But that killed a piece of my heart and I hated her passionately. What then, knowing? Not that sudden death and bare laid emotions. I don’t wa you to see me like that. But I think I know.
Am I your husband, that you are stuck with while your heart beats faster for others in secret (like at XX)? Heart [rates] don’t lie. You had a faster heart rate [130] at 1030 than anywhere 25 minutes with me [it was 90]. You say you are happy; we are good. Do you dream of me? How bad I want you to desire me, mind and body? I feel like our moments are consolation prizes. You may as well. I’ve been randomly turned on by you, and once in a blue moon let you know it. What do you think about?
You say/will say it’s in my’s the right thing to say. Saying what I suspect is pulling the trigger on my heart and I don’t want you to see my world crash down in hearing you say it. There’d be no going back for either of us.
You used to jump me long ago. I remember once, driving home, I rebuked you. You rightfully became emotional. It was the start of whatever culminated at [work/hotel instance]. But I’ve said before something changed after that, and it never came back.
I don’t know how long my mind is going to be this way. I just want so badly to be your 130bpm.
It’s why perhaps you don’t try after 9pm, a glass of wine, kids in bed, and a week or two since last. When you close your eyes during, and squint them, where are you? I realize I almost never do; I’m truly to look into you. But your eyes are closed. I kiss you, and want to desperately kiss you deeper than my tongue allows. I’m looking for something I’m Trying to find fund in your mouth, through your tongue. I never liked to go down on anyone. But I do now earnestly still trying to connect and love you and give you, but you always turn me away and redirect. This can’t all be in my head. But maybe it should stay there. I write this having gently broached it before, but it’s always been “all in my head”. But vs the alternative that wrecks our lives and what we’ve built.
Maybe that’s why I’m so insecure. I write this but when tiniest voiced, it’s all in my head, there’s always a logical explanation for my piecemeal concerns or worries when shared.
I love you, you “love” me, we’re a happy family. You’re not going to ruin it. But I’m not dumb even though it took me a few years. Somehow my dumb self became more in love , passionately, and am desperately reading, reading you to find a skipped hint you have passion for me.
In sports my heart rate is 120 bpm and I love you at 130 bpm. Fucking Fitbit. I hit 90 bpm wondering what I’ll make for lunch. What’s in your heart when I’m at 130? What makes your heart hit 130 at 1030PM after 3 drinks?
Why can’t it be me? I want desperately it to be me.
How can I keep writing after all that. I want the truth. I think I know the truth, but can’t handle it. “We’ll make it another 16 years.” This fucking sucks. I’m so desperately seeking passion, desire, and if unrequited, but faked enough, then what.
Tell me it’s all in my head. Change my mind. —-
submitted by Ok_Difference_5079 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:52 ploppybird It's so hard to be your child, mom.

If there's one thing my mom hates the most, it's when someone lies to her. She grew up in a broken home, ping pong-ed back and forth by her parents. She grew up to be independent, developing a feisty and defensive personality so that she could protect her fragile inner child that was very lonely. Fast forward to a marriage that ended in cheating and other unpleasant events made her really sensitive when someone breaks their promise or lies to her. Anything untruthful will earn a meltdown from her.
As her kid, she was always such a strict and critical figure. She would always work and me and my sister (21 and 20) would be raised by our grandparents. Same thing happened with our now 13-year old brother but now instead of grandparents, it was mostly me who was tasked with watching over him, teaching him his homework, cooking, etc. I'm kinda like my siblings' pseudo mom and her partner. I knew her past my siblings don't so I empathize with her the most. I'll give it to her for being a good provider but she is so hard to rely on when it comes to emotional matters.
She expects things to be a certain standard all the time and never had the patience to teach us things. I remember being 14 and not knowing the proper way to do chores like laundry or cooking. She would make hurtful remarks about how nice it must be to live like a princess but she doesn't remember when I was 9 asking her to teach me stuff but was rejected because I would do a poor job anyways and her workload would just double since she would have to redo everything anyways. When I would ask her how to do simple stuff, she would dismiss me and criticize me or not knowing it "This is basic, this is common sense. How could you not know? That's because you don't pay attention to me and your grandma/pa when we do it since you're busy being a lazy princess. When I was young nobody was around to teach me anything yet I still did it."
That ^ plus her high standards when it comes to everything else made me afraid of failing everything at my first try. It cripples me to the point that I don't start something unless I'm 100% sure I am good at it. I'm also not good/confident of making decisions of my own because my mom would always question it.
TLDR; she has made it very hard for us to open up to her emotionally.
Recently, after checking through my brother's phone. She found out that he has a girlfriend and she is very much shocked. She nonchalantly said to him, lYou lied to me. Turned me into a fool." and confiscated his phone. My brother was so scared and went to school crying. While I do agree 13 is still too young to jump into relationships, the way my mom was ranting to me is throwing me off so bad.
She kept saying she doesn't deserve to be betrayed. Everyone lies to her, breaks promises to her. (She made it clear to my brother that she doesn't want him on a relationship until he finishes high school). "As expected I can only trust myself." "After all the hard work I put into your all of yours' futures, this is how I am repaid. I sacrificed everything but still..." She said she's just not gonna say anything because if she gets mad, "The tables will be turned against her and now she's the bad guy. I won't believe what all of you say to me now."
I was already under a lot of stress for my finals and seeing all of this tension puts me on the edge too. I told her calmly, I was just thinking she was setting herself up for disappointment. How does he expect him not to open to her when the last time he told her his crush, she continuously picked on the girl's facial features and teased my brother for his poor taste. Even now she still teases him about it. Not to mention that she was always working and when she's not working, she would always let out her stress to him and my sister. (I live in a different city due to uni)
My brother and my sister don't get along because she can be insufferable and recently he's been fighting back. We also don't have neighbors around his age so his only friends are the ones he has at school. Obviously with an emotionally absent mother and a hard-to-live-with sister, he's gonna go searching for companionship.
My mother likes to think she gave us everything we needed but in reality, she just gave us financial comfort. I love her but I always hated it when she rubs in our faces that she is always giving everything but we can't spare her our consideration. Where was she when we needed words of comfort when we opened up to our struggles? Where were the kind gestures? Where was she when we needed a safe space to vent out to without it turning into struggle olympics? Why were the days that shaped my insecurities just another Tuesday for you?
I feel like she's trying so hard to be the parent she wanted. Not what we needed. And just because she's a single mom who works hard to provide, she's automatically immune to criticism. She can't wrap her head around the fact that she also has to be emotionally available for us. I get that her life was hard and we are more privileged than her but I desperately want to have a caring figure that won't judge me and my siblings.
submitted by ploppybird to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:51 asscraq Is it worth complaining to my landlord that my next door neighbour obnoxiously bangs on the wall because I'm "loud"?

For context the layout of my building shows that the wall where my kitchen is, is directly their bedroom. I work afternoon shifts where I get off at 11pm and I want to cook myself a hot meal. I just do everything normally and I'm not even remotely loud but they just keep banging on the walls. How loud can cooking eggs be? I can't even talk to my girlfriend in the kitchen because they will bang on the walls. Should I confront my neighbour what their issue is or should I consult my property manager. I'm not going to stop cooking in my own kitchen let alone talk in my kitchen. I didn't have this issue with the previous tenants. It doesn't help that it's very obvious my building skipped lots of corners during construction so I wont be surpised if these walls are paper thin.
submitted by asscraq to Calgary [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:51 urshoesuntied69 New to polyamory. Need help.

hi, i recently joined a poly relationship and i’m unsure about it. here’s some context. so the relationship consists of me (19M) my boyfriend (19M) and our close childhood friend (20M). recently me and my boyfriend were talking and realized we both are attracted to our life long friend (we can call Dave lol) . we talked it over and wanted to ask Dave what he would think about being in a poly relationship with us. well Dave said yes. we have decided to start out with a trial period. we are about a week in and i’m not sure anymore. i don’t know if i wanted to be in a relationship with both of them or it just be me and my boyfriend but we bring Dave in every once in a while. we haven’t gotten a chance to hangout in person, for me i won’t know how i really feel until i get to be physical with Dave (like be in person and do all that couple stuff). i just need some advice and support. i thought this is what i wanted but i’m not sure now. do i wait it out and see how i feel after being in person with the both of them? i love them both so much, i don’t wanna mess anything up. :(.
edit: changed letter to name cause confusion lol
submitted by urshoesuntied69 to polyamory [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:51 Pinkkittycat_19 [F4A] Looking for a 1v1 fandom roleplay!! (Oc x Canon!!)

Hello! My name is Gabi/Quill and I’m looking for roleplay partners!!
-Style: preferably semi-lit to lit. I only do ** for jokes and short scenarios. I don’t mind how many lines you do, just as long it’s semi-lit! (Note: my lines varies from how much I type though I’ll try to mirror. I’m willing to try advanced and novella if needed.)
-I only do fandom based roleplays.
•Fandoms: creepypasta, madness combat, happy tree friends, fnaf, Sally face, Team fortress 2, JJBA, twisted wonderland, obey me, stardew valley, Demon slayer, Lego monkie kid, the game John Doe, Chainsaw man and many more (tell me what you’re into also but it depends if I know it or not.)
•Fandoms I’d mostly wanna rp: madness combat, team fortress 2, Sally face, John Doe, call of duty (modern warfare 2), happy tree friends (it can be anything besides these!)
-Oc x Canon only!! (I have nothing against canon x canon but I’m more comfortable doing oc x canon. Plus I only do oc x oc with close friends and mutuals. double ups are allowed!!)
-No irl celebrities.
-I’d like to add that I am 20yrs old and I highly prefer if you’re 18+.
-OOC chats is allowed!! As much as I’d love to rp, I would love to talk to you! :]
-Id also like to add… please don’t spam me. I’m not always gonna be online 24/7. I’ll reply to you with the best of my ability and whenever I can!
-Don’t be a creep. Just… don’t be a creep. I’m not asking for a hookup.
-I ONLY rp in 3rd person and as characters and ocs. I don’t do self roleplays for MANY reasons.
-Discord only!!!
-If anyone is interested, comment down or shoot me a message in dms!
submitted by Pinkkittycat_19 to Roleplay [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:50 NoOneKnowsIExist420 I have no idea what to do...

My brother got in to a car accident (hit and run, not his fault) with the only car we had, and shared, and my hours are being cut. I can't afford dates with my new boyfriend like before because I need to pay my bills. I'm going from working 25-28 hours a week to 15. I can't afford a car right away, so I'm stuck ubering until I can afford a new bike/new bike tires. $20 an hour isn't much when everything costs an arm and a leg.
My boyfriend is super understanding, and is appreciative of the heads up, but I'm screwed without a cabike. I don't know how I'm gonna make it to work over then next few weeks-months..
submitted by NoOneKnowsIExist420 to confessions [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:50 Nice-Dragonfly-7712 celibacy for supernumeraries

i know this is a strange post as most of the time OD and also others advertise the numeraries, assistant numeraries, and associates as the only celibates. but there are supernumeraries who have also decided to be celibate for life too, and this is not talked about, nor seen during discernment of vocation nor acknowledged. i know there are a few supernumeraries in my country who are single and privately they told me that its alright to be single as a supernumerary who has no intention of starting families. when i was a teenager i used to tell god that i would like to be a lay celibate, and then several years later i met OD, and decided that i want to be an associate, but a few years later the advisory found that i couldnt be an associate (cos i dun obey their stupid rules e.g i hv to consult and ask for money to buy a pair of socks for a hiking trip!) and they sort of pressured me to become a supernumerary or leave OD then. i couldnt leave at that point of time so i became a supernum. but i was always v discouraged that all the formation for supernum were centered around families, caring for husband, the mysogynistic views of josemaria, and nothing to offer single supernumeraries who have chosen to be celibate. i think it is very unfair because they clearly state that the different types of membership is due to a person's different abilities to commit their time and effort to OD. its not a matter of a different state in life, yet in reality they act and assume like a person who chooses to be celibate must hv enough resources to contribute to furthering OD's organisational goals, and totally ignore the spiritual needs for this small grp of ppl who exist in OD - the supernumeraries who choose to be celibate. i mean it is false advertising and also spiritual neglect and now after much research i see that it is a difficult topic that they cannot address because in josemaria's puny mind, all supernums are married or are widows with children, or single people who are looking to be married. i just feel angry and that i was cheated of good spiritual formation in OD. i then talked through things with a numerary i was close frens with, and asked her how many classes or talks does she have that specifically speaks abt and helps the celibate life as lay people, and she told me v few actually, like less than 5 a year and so i am not missing out. i was a bit shocked, because if they are not helped in that way, then what is the difference in content among the diff membership types and whats the purpose for separating the formation for nums, associates and supers then? just a waste of time and administration. this is still something that i struggle with, the feeling that i need OD to acknowledge that there are a grp of celibate supernumeraries. i felt that our singlehood is not taken seriously and left to hang in the air if all they acknowledge is yes there are young supernumeraries who are single, these ppl are looking for boyfriends or in a s and are getting married. or yes there are a few single middle-aged supers who for some reasons never got married. i mean there is a diff between not being able to find someone to marry and being intentionally celibate. well i just needed this safe space to express my frustration. thanks for reading, and appreciate if anyone have any insights to this
submitted by Nice-Dragonfly-7712 to opusdeiexposed [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:50 SaltyGingi I (27 f) keep having fights with my (27m) partner and I'm not sure why.

Hi peeps, long time lurker, first time poster. It's long, I'm sorry.
I need some advice, I (26f) and my new partner (26m), unnamed for privacy, have been dating "officially" for a month and a half after casually dating for another month and a bit.
At first it was great, nice dates, good conversations, we agree on a lot of things other than some slight political differences. He is new to my town so he doesn't have a lot of friends and had previously gotten out of a 2.5 yr long distance relationship a 8 mo back which ended not the best as per him.
I've been putting in lots of effort, planning and paying for a whole date day for him (we only got halfway through because he had a family emergency), bringing him cookies I baked specially for him, bringing snacks and food he likes, introducing him to my friends and family this early because he's asked, and doing thoughtful things like writing him letters on my night shifts to have some communication that's not over text or snap.
There have been a few pink flags like my partner deciding to go game even though I'm over at his apartment and he has ignored me for 1-3 hours, 3+ times, refusing to watch my shows after I watched one of his, and spending a good chunk of his income on take out which he eats while gaming. Also as far as I can tell, he games from the moment he wakes up till sometimes 5 am with his friends who are always on discord with him.
Also communication has nosedived since we first started dating. I'll ask questions and receive one word answers or nothing at all. No response to any memes I send, etc.
Anyways, most of the time when we see each other it's a lot of hanging out watching movies and sleeping, we both work shift work and his is very inconsistent compared to mine. Recently (beginning of May) I had a male long time friend come to town on vacation which was planned before I met my partner. He and I spent a lot of time doing activities etc. My partner was invited and encouraged to come to everything but he did not meet my friend once or try to make an effort to do anything while my friend was here, and my partner had made a gross comment about me and my friend, saying "tell me when you two confess your undying love for eachother". Which was weird and very much not the relationship him and I have.
We had a fight at that time where I was trying to reach out to him daily to include him etc, since he had been weird, and he shut down, we eventually spoke over the phone and we made up.
2 weeks ago we had another fight because I hadn't seen him in over 4 days and he seemed not to want to see me and I was sad and confused. He shared that communication can be hard for him and promised to make an effort/tell me when he needs space etc. He came over to see me after work and it was lovely
Today we had a fight because I had been waiting hours for him to wake up after not seeing him for 6 days and he was very defensive, he did not set an alarm (slept for over 10 hours and woke up at 7:30pm), and was only communicating sarcastically. I was sad I had to wait so long on one of my only days off when I had communicated I wanted to see him,, and his response was "I'm sorry I needed to sleep". It feels like my time is not being respected and I'm not sure if he actually cares. I had a whole bag packed to go over to his place and he told me not to come because he "didn't have the mental capacity to deal with this right now". I called him out for his behaviour and we got to a better place but this seems like a LOT for like a month and a half. I'm seriously unsure how to deal with it. I've brought up boundaries and relationship expectations 2 times now and I'm very upfront with what I need.
How do I broach the subject of how to communicate my needs in a way he'll understand? I can't do this much more.
TLDL: partner doesn't seem to care about wasting my time with me waiting hours to see him, made strange comments about me and an old friend being in love with each other and we seem to be fighting a lot because I'm expecting basic respect and treatment, how do I broach the subject of how to communicate my needs in a way he'll understand?
submitted by SaltyGingi to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:50 kazooples Burnout and not being able to handle any stimuli, even looking at someone hurts(tw: head hitting mentions)

I don’t really know what to do about this, but I’ve been in burnout mode for a couple years now and it’s getting worse, to the point where some days(mostly if I’m tired or sick) I can’t even look at certain things, mostly people but usually anything that moves annoys me so much I end up hitting myself. Sometimes it’s just someone standing near me that does it, I can’t take in any stimuli, sounds are the worst, but touch and visual are close seconds. I feel like I’m allergic to existing and I’m so tired and miserable, and scared that I’m gonna lose the few friends I have by isolating myself. I’m physically disabled too, so it’s not like I can just go for a walk to cool off, I’m pretty much stuck in bed on bad days.
Anyone else in the same boat? Or been in said boat in the past? How did you deal with it?
submitted by kazooples to AutisticAdults [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:50 Nolan710 Veganism - Bodybuilding and Ethics

Just watched a debate from a while back with Mike Isreatel and Vegan Gains discussing the vegan diet in relation to bodybuilding and ethics.
The bodybuilding aspect is relatively straightforward - (1) it’s much easietastier to get in lots of protein relative to carbs and fat with a diet containing animal protein (2) animal protein is packed with micronutrients and amino acids that are important for muscle gain
Verdict: animal protein diet is superior for bodybuilding purposes. You can be equally as effective with a vegan diet, but it requires much more due diligence and supplementation to optimize the bodybuilding/ gym performance lifestyle.
This section was less clear cut and discussed more thoroughly, so I’m going to break it into the PROS and CONS of an omnivore/carnivore diet.
(1) some intelligent animals in the American diet express anticipatory anxiety, or a feeling of impending doom as nearby animals are taken for slaughter (2) certain animals can quantifiably demonstrate that they experience love (3) factory farm conditions are brutal, mass slaughtering is always immoral (4) cow farts are bad for the environment, DUM
(1) nature is brutal and what we’re doing is pretty mild compared to what they could naturally experience in the wild (2) there is a spectrum on how much an animal can suffer based on its intelligence and emotional IQ, so shrimp and fish will suffer much less than a pig (3) humans are naturally omnivores, and part of the reason we’re intelligent enough to debate this in the first place is because we adopted meat in our diet. Also, if there was a life ending event like a meteor, it’d be up to us to save the planet, the animals we eat would be useless (4) eating meat provides the human species with a lot of joy, think cookouts and barbecues (5) we’re the apex predators of this planet, so what we say goes - not in the video I just wanted to make that point
Verdict: IMO - the morality of meat eating is a spectrum. It is likely less moral to eat cows and pigs than it is to eat chicken, fish and shrimp. Feel free to comment your own opinions
TL DR: I will continue to eat meat and this debate wasn’t going to change that, but it did provide me a new perspective, that I will ignore as I continue to eat bacon.
submitted by Nolan710 to moreplatesmoredates [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:49 cambrianraptor How do I avoid trying to address problems via text and fucking it up because of it?

I really do not have a good combo going on for me here.
So, I knew about the known symptoms of emotional dysregulation. well, the somewhat wonder years after being diagnosed where I off and on questioned if I do have borderline and the diagnosis was wrong…yeah, no. It was right. it was completely right.
So I still knew, for the most part, I had the two issues. One was impulsive responses towards problems that may cause me to either immediately snap, become silent and blank, or communicate extremely poorly and tinged by emotional distress let loose.
The problem with the communication part is not just BPD. I am autistic and have extreme impairment in communication. That got dismissed growing up after being in speech therapy briefly as a kid, insisting that I was better when I was not. I just became quiet.
we could not afford to hire a personal one. i am getting a new one soon after years. as in, I am nearing my mid 20s and iirc my speech therapy ended too early when I was 9 or 10.
As a solution to these issues, I stated that if a problem arises, to make sure I go to another room to process everything and write my thoughts down. I was able to exit into a separate room on my own. However, i was being picked up to leave soon, and so the problem left unaddressed.
But then I realized I forgot how to solve this issue with the fact I have a cell phone.
and you know what impaired communication can be seen worsened? in messages that are expected to be short. potentially not as long as I need. which would literally end up almost like an essay after five hours, because I can only write essays and stories well.
and you know what worsens that even more? Fucking bpd. Because now I had no barrier nor methods to cope with not getting mad in messages. and because of new meds that helped in other ways, it made my communication issues that were always there severely more obvious.
So not only did I keep messaging about it. I messaged a lot in complete sorrow at first that I could not get myself to stop sending. and it was too long and hard go read too.
then the cycles of my mood started shifting everywhere.
when I was able to come with a clear response, it started to get phrased too aggressively because of how urgent I felt. then I was remorseful. then I was more level headed and tried to communicate better, but it was still too vague. and because of impulse issues… I now am needing to mend it and have worked out a solution.
The solution involves leaving voice messages instead of text. i would also be more aware of tone. I could edit it, communicate quicker… it may still be confusing, but better.
and i am going to shift to calls when needed, letting the other person ask questions about what I am communicating so I can clarify as needed. But I am also going to make sure to take extra effort as needed to wait for in person. but hopefully the small parts will help. I am also going to talk to my therapist beforehand. I hope this works out.
So, if I feel like I have a solution, why am I making this post with this question? Well, I guess if you have any comments about how I am trying to solve it feel free. But I am seeking wider advice to prevent myself from any level of interpersonal problem solving through text. I am trying to get in a general habit of voice mail. But the specific issues is BPD making me text impulsively and impatiently. Made worsened by… I say speech issues, but I essentially have disorganized thoughts.
I never thought through how to handle the impulse of solving issues via text. So it doesn’t start as an issue in the first place.
i only got myself skills to use for serious communications of general life.
What advice might you have help stop myself from messaging in an inevitably incredibly harmful way in the first place? So I don’t send these sorts of messages and only register what I should have done instead both then and later? More-so with me already understanding later more.
But as known by the topic of the thread, I need help with an idea for before the act of messaging and/or to stop and not send the text or texts the first place at an inappropriate time. And doing so without consideration as to my impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and impaired communication skills. In this, to then be able to come back later. So i could not use texts if it cant help me get an important subject communicated and understood, regardless of my current emotional state. And learning to apply this as prevention as much as possible.
i am going go talk to my therapist, but I wanted to ask to see how people came up with or learned different preventive measures.
(btw, if this post has pointed mistakes… like I said with miscommunication. But if you are thinking how I, and I don’t know if I did, sounded like I could still do well enough here…. this post took several hours lmao. one post before took me five. just to communicate a question or idea. this definitely shows further it does not help the issue when I feel more rushed/having to keep things shorter, but struggling to.)
submitted by cambrianraptor to BPD [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:49 Nerindil *Last Days* by Brian Evanson: Maybe You Had to Be There (Spoilers)

I am so conflicted. Parts of this are amazing. Let’s start with the good!
I grew up Mormon and let me tell you he nails the patronizing attitude, platitude-laden doublespeak, and expert gaslighting of ranking LDS authorities. The atmosphere of anachronistic Americana and the feeling that everybody but you knows the score is delivered in some very sharply written dialogue. The story is weird, powerfully weird, (amputee cabaret is gonna stick with me for a while) without being obtuse or nonsensical and while it’s pretty violent, Evanson isn’t trying to gross you out and none of it feels gratuitous. Surprising, considering the subject matter.
Now the less good. It’s a fun story with interesting elements, but the plot itself, the events that unfold and how they unfold is just… SO bland. Guys show up to cart the main character, Kline, off to their cult compound. Kline meets with a cult leader, gets the runaround from him. Tries to imvestigate, gets nowhere, storms back to cult leader who’s like “lol yup, ain’t I a stinker, I gave you the runaround, now go solve this murder”. And this repeats like 3 times. Granted, that’s a very simplified version, but my point is that there is precious little detecting or mystery solving in this book about a detective trying to solve a mystery. Most scenes and situations either end in violence or with Kline kinda… giving up.
Another issue is that, for the first half at least, Kline is kinda a blank slate and even then he’s a fairly stock protagonist. Maybe this is a symptom of my recent foray into Laird Barron’s Isiah Coleridge novels, but I feel like Barron puts more character into a paragraph than Evanson did in 300 pages.
The ending isn’t bad, per se, but it is anticlimactic. The back half of the novel is Kline going kinda nuts (my man has had a rough week), and it’s entertaining for sure, but this book feels like it’s missing a final chapter. Kline kills a few cultists, sets a their building on fire, steps back and says “Boy oh boy, I’m nuttier than squirrel shit, huh? Wonder what kinda hijinks I’ll get up to next!” And then the next page is “about the author”. And like, it’s totally fine to end a story like that, I love At the Mouth of Madness, but in this case, killing not-Mormons and burning down buildings has been happening for a solid third of the book, so it’s not exactly the most impactful scene at this point.
And Gous and Ramse never even kiss! If those crazy kids can’t get it together what chance do the rest of us have at love?
Overall, I enjoyed this a lot, despite its flaws, and I think there’s a good chance others would too, but considering my closeness with the inspiration for the antagonists it’s hard to be objective. There are tons of little exmormon Easter eggs scattered throughout and those really hooked me in and got me invested, but those are gonna go over the heads of folks who just know Mormons as the friendly folks with the black name tags. You certainly don’t need this insight to understand the book, but a lot of my appreciation comes from having lived some version of this.
submitted by Nerindil to horrorlit [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:48 RCCOLAFUCKBOI Self Destructive at Job - Need Advice!

Dear Reddit,
I'm [35M] indecisive on what to do. I have an Accounts Payable job that I've been in for 10 years but lately have been losing steam and now it's affecting my work quality. This loss in quality is affecting my teammates and the people around me. I'm making my associates and managers look bad. I'm feeling very guilty but still burnt out at the same time. It's currently taking some willpower to do the basic.
Even though it would put them in a tight spot, I do want to leave the company, but I don't have another job lined up to do so. I'm thinking of leaving without finding another job? I have enough savings to last me a year without pay, while still paying for rent/utilities/food. I saved up quite a bit for emergencies.
What should I do? I almost can't do my job. I don't have another one. Even though I'm looking for another job, it won't be fast enough not to affect my coworkers, because, it's seriously getting to be a willpower problem for me. ah jeez.
I am not trying to be an asshole at all, but fuck, I'm like fucking things up alot lately. It looks intentionally self-destructive because it probably is. At this point, I'm dealing with myself like some split personality and it's getting out of hand. I procrastinate, and I break promises and etc.
Should I just quit my job? I mean, I have my savings, but what if there's another emergency? It's probably not a good idea, but boy, I'm really trying to get fired now? I don't want that either. I don't want anyone to get inconvenienced from all of this either, I truly do care about some of these guys, I worked with them for a long time. But dude, I've been pushing real hard, and it's suddenly breaking. (Well, it broke many times, but I was too much of a coward and idiot to do anything about it before, and now, for real it is breaking real hard this time. That, or I'm probably psyching myself out.)
Should I tell my coworkers/managers? You know, to work something out I guess? What if that's a bad idea like they take it personally or they judge me and think of me as some broken guy. Basically, what if they get scared by all this personal stuff?
Please provide any of your wisdom. I appreciate all of you.
-American Idiot.
[not required reading, skip.
Personal/background shit outside of the problem, for context]
I worked really hard at the beginning of my 10 years there. I have no degree, I have no education. I basically started working ever since I was 18. By 22, I have already bounced between low paying jobs until I was given a freak chance at this bank. I was trained and put in Accounts Payable for having basic computer skills. I did really well and held onto that job for another 10 years. I grew up poor, so anything above a fast food worker salary was incredible for me. I just wanted to survive. That's it. Now I've been "surviving" for 10 years and it feels like I've done nothing with it. Like, I just blinked and got old, and that's it.
I was always like this too: survival mode. Still, there are some days I dreamed big! I mean I would always be like "some day I'll get my act together" and then I'll shake my fist. I know I have ADHD, I got diagnosed by two different professionals and they both said it. I discovered it in my late 20s. So yeah, that explains A LOT trust me. So... didn't do well in school. I mean, I'm not trying to feel sorry/excuse myself, I just... lets just say I already made my peace with it.
Mid-30s and nothing to show for it except some cash to live without a job for maybe a year. That's who I am now.
Thanks for reading my rant so far. This is the most I've opened up in a while. The last time I saw a therapist was last year. I discharged myself thinking that I was in a good spot. I told that person that I would find a new job by this time this year. Today, nothing. When I look for new jobs, another Accounting-related job doesn't appeal to me, even though its the most experience I have. I did dream of being a nurse when I was younger, or an english teacher. I can be extroverted and apparently have some problem solving skills. Maybe I can try to pivot my boat in one of these directions? I don't know. I'm extremely indecisive, unfortunately. As you can imagine, I stayed at this job because it was safe and comfortable. I had a very unpredictable childhood so you can imagine how attractive the simple/mundane can be for someone like me. I just wanted to survive, that's all. I don't want much, I just like good people and good food.
Lesson to all youngsters out there, don't just "survive" (although I don't blame you if you grew up poor and neurodivergent).
submitted by RCCOLAFUCKBOI to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 07:48 thiccy_vicky My husband (40m) feels disrespected, I (38F) feel gaslighted

Ever have a reoccurring fight that you just can’t figure out? This is us right now. So for years my husband will randomly tell me he feels dismissed and disrespected in our marriage. He’s never been able to give me concrete examples other than my “attitude” when talking to him. This typically comes up when I’m holding him accountable for uncomfortable things, so I’ve always just figured it was him grasping straws to not be the only offending party during an argument.
So tonight, he finally gave me a concrete example of exactly what he means and I need objective third parties to weigh in on this because we just cannot see eye-to-eye.
Let me preface this by saying my husband is autistic. Many things (like communication) need to be approached differently. The standard cut and paste marriage advice isn’t always applicable. My husband has made a ton of progress to identify his triggers and developed coping skills to nip dysregulation before a meltdown. But, meltdowns still happen and I accept that as long as he continues to work towards being able to regulate himself in hard situations, that I will stand by his side.
So anyway, the example. My husband is NOT a morning person. He wakes up swinging (figuratively) and mad almost every day. It takes him a solid 30 mins to feel awake and be able to regulate himself and participate with the family. It is what it is. We got to our summer home a month ago and it’s always an adjustment to get into new routines. Travel is one of his biggest triggers, so things were rough for a bit. We’d all been waking up together since arriving, and my husband has been short and super cranky with us. I asked him for suggestions on starting our day better, he said me staying in bed to snuggle our toddler and letting him get up and get coffee going and wake up by himself would be really helpful. This house is MUCH smaller so he can’t go off to another part of the house to be alone like he typically does. I agreed and was fine with that. For another week he continued to get up and invite our kiddo to go help with breakfast, or check the bird feeders, or let the dogs out. He’d been in a relatively good mood each morning so I figured he’d been getting good sleep and all was well. Welllll this morning he woke up mad and started in on the fact I’m not holding up my end of our agreement, and was getting really worked up saying it’s all my fault and I just want to stay in bed. I insisted that’s not what was happening and asked him to disengage and we could talk about it later. He was escalating so I kept walking away to other rooms and trying to keep our kiddo busy. I left to run an errand and when I came back everything was fine.
So this evening we circle back and he didn’t realize he kept inviting our kid to do things right upon waking up. I was like, “I’m not going to be like ‘no sorry kiddo, you’re not allowed to go feed the birds with dad even though he invited you.’” And it made sense to him and he said he’d remember to have his quiet time to get his brain turned on before we start the day as a family. Cool, fine.
But… this made clear the crux of the issue… this ongoing fight we circle back to every few months. He feels disrespected, I feel gaslighted. He interprets things differently than many people and has a terrible memory (I’m assuming this is the autism) and wants me to agree/validate that he feels a specific way. I tell him that I don’t want to just agree to things that never happened, or validate things that didn’t happen. This leads to escalation because he doesn’t feel understood. I disengage and try and remove myself.
We just figured out tonight that me disengaging and moving away from him is interpreted as dismissal and disrespect. That is his giant bone to pick with me. I explained I feel like it’s not ok to misinterpret my acts of self preservation and/or deescalation (he has a history of verbal abuse/throwing things… again, the autistic meltdowns) as dismissal and disrespect.
So we are stuck here. He wants me to be able to say that his feelings are valid. I don’t want to validate things that never actually happened, or have no basis in reality. I want to be able to disengage if he is escalating without it being interpreted as dismissive. He wants to feel heard in those moments that I’m pulling away to feel safe.
Any ideas how to both feel like we get what we need?
submitted by thiccy_vicky to relationship_advice [link] [comments]