Blood on the river read aloud

Recently i was reading posts and comments asking where the trailer or gameplay of phantom liberty. While i was reading them i thought to myself why did the community aussume that anything related to the dlc will be showed on june 8th. Then it hit me yall didn't read the socials of cyberpunk 2077 and the summer games fest website. If you look at cyberpunk 2077's twitter page and scroll for post relating to phantom liberty or summer games fest it says the following.
March 30th
Exciting news, chooms: in June we’ll start to share more information about the #PhantomLiberty expansion. Stay tuned!
April 27th
ICYMI, we'll start talking about Cyberpunk 2077: Phantom Liberty this June! At @summergamefest: Play Days, we'll have hands-on sessions for press and content creators. We're also planning plenty of hands-on opportunities for our community at a later date, so stay tuned!
June 2nd
Wake up, chooms! In June, we'll reveal some hot info about #PhantomLiberty To ensure your enthusiasm doesn't fizzle out, we'll be inviting you to a Phantom Tour — a series of events around the world dedicated to showing the expansion to our community! More deets coming soon!
If you notice on april 27th they didn't say anything about it being showed today so i think what happened was that some of you or it might be all of you believed in content creators and game journalists that said that it will be shown at main event. Also it says plays days at during SGF. Now on the summer games fest website if you look at the schedule for SGF on june 11th there is the xbox games showcase. until then relax for 2 days and we will have something for that day.
Play Days
On the FAQ part of the site the question is what is play days and it says play days is a special invite-only preview event for media and influencers, produced by iam8bit, that takes place in Los Angeles after the showcase event. While you will see plenty of coverage from Play Days online, it is not open to the public. That said, game publishers and platforms will offer free digital demos of select games to fans during the SGF season.
All that being said please for anything related to cyberpunk 2077 go their socials for correct information.

The Be Abidan is/was a place where righteous non-Jews and those within the kehila would discuss manners pertaining of Torah and the nature of Messiah. Please read our rules and sources down below to be mindful. Please bear in mind that this is a place meant for Esav/Edom who are willing to learn Yiddishkeit as pertaining to them,so if you are Jewish or Christian/Messianic this please take sometime to read the following. In short answer we are promoting Torat Edom/Red Judaism Sotah 13a:10 חוּשִׁים בְּרֵיהּ דְּדָן תַּמָּן הֲוָה וְיַקִּירָן לֵיהּ אוּדְנֵיהּ אֲמַר לְהוּ מַאי הַאי וְאָמְרוּ לֵיהּ קָא מְעַכֵּב הַאי עַד דְּאָתֵי נַפְתָּלִי מֵאַרְעָא דְּמִצְרַיִם אֲמַר לְהוּ וְעַד דְּאָתֵי נַפְתָּלִי מֵאַרְעָא דְּמִצְרַיִם יְהֵא אֲבִי אַבָּא מוּטָל בְּבִזָּיוֹן שְׁקַל קוּלְפָא מַחְיֵיהּ אַרֵישֵׁיהּ נָתְרָן עֵינֵיהּ וּנְפַלוּ אַכַּרְעָא דְיַעֲקֹב פַּתְחִינְהוּ יַעֲקֹב לְעיניה ואחיך והיינו דכתיב ישמח צדיק כי חזה נקם פעמיו ירחץ בדם הרשע The Gemara relates: Hushim, the son of Dan, was there and his ears were heavy, i.e., he was hard of hearing. He said to them: What is this that is delaying the burial? And they said to him: This one, Esau, is preventing us from burying Jacob until Naphtali comes back from the land of Egypt with the bill of sale. He said to them: And until Naphtali comes back from the land of Egypt will our father’s father lie in degradation? He took a club [kulepa] and hit Esau on the head, and Esau’s eyes fell out and they fell on the legs of Jacob. Jacob opened his eyes and smiled. And this is that which is written: “The righteous shall rejoice when he sees the vengeance; he shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked” (Psalms 58:11).
Be-Abedan's (Red Judaism) purpose is to push against the influence of Gnostic Christianity and Islamism while promoting the Romaniote Minhag of Judaism to Hebrew Messianists and explain beliefs in Jesus from A Judaic perspective. We encourage Christians and Muslims to abandon anti-Judaism in order to live as Hebrew Messianists learning Judaism from its official Jewish preachers
Hushim was a deaf and did not know what all the trouble was about. When it was finally explained to him, he grabbed a weapon and swung it across Esau's head. The mighty blow severed the head, which rolled into the Cave of Machpelah. Esau's men then took the headless body of their leader, and carried it back with them to Seir. Thus, Rebeckah's prophecy was fulfilled, for both Jacob and Esau were buried on the same day.
Jacob was laid to rest in the Cave of Machpelah, and after Shivah (seven days' mourning), Joseph and his brothers returned to Egypt where they had left their small children and all their possessions in the land of Goshen.
Ein Yaakov (Glick Edition), Shabbat 16:6 Samuel, however, did not go to the house of Nitzraphi, but did go to the be-Abedan. Raba was asked why he did not go to the be-Abedan. En Jacob, translated by SH Glick, 1916 https://www.sefaria.org/Ein_Yaakov_(Glick_Edition)%2C_Shabbat.16.6?ven=En_Jacob,_translated_by_SH_Glick,_1916&lang=bi
Shabbat 116a:10 Yosef bar Ḥanin raised a dilemma before Rabbi Abbahu: With regard to these books of the house of Abidan, does one rescue them from the fire or does one not rescue them?...Rav would not go to the house of Abidan for conversation, and all the more so he would not go to the house of Nitzrefei, the Persian fire-temple....Shmuel, to the house of Nitzrefei he did not go, but to the house of Abidan he did go. The gentile scholars said to Rava: Why did you not come to the house of Abidan? William Davidson Edition - English https://www.sefaria.org/Shabbat.116a.10?ven=William_Davidson_Edition_-_English&qh=Abidan
Avodah Zarah 17b:11 The Romans said to him: And what is the reason that you did not come to the house of Abidan? This was a gathering place where debates on wisdom and faith were conducted. William Davidson Edition - English https://www.sefaria.org/Avodah_Zarah.17b.11?ven=William_Davidson_Edition_-_English&qh=Abidan
https://www.jstor.org/stable/41431612
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The slender and feminine frames of the four Star Sirens floated with an inhuman ease in the microgravity of their shuttle’s cabin, their prehensile feet and tails either dangling freely or clutching an opalescent perching rod. They stared with a novel curiosity out their window towards the small and relatively unsophisticated Earthly craft that had gradually been drifting its way towards their fleet.
“It’s still not answering hails, and I can’t find any sort of transponder or visual identification,” Akioneeda, the eldest of the group, sang in their musical and surgically precise language; the chevron-shaped slits over her trachea granting her a superhuman vocal range.
Using the glittering diodes embedded throughout her mauve skin, she fired jets of light to propel herself over to a crystalline computer terminal on the other side of the cabin.
“Why do they have to make their ships so ugly?” the magenta-skinned Pomoko asked; her large and bright cat-like irises constricting in their dark sclera as she squinted at the foreign craft in disdain.
Its design was a smoothly contoured rocket, with a rounded nose and a flaring aft that allowed it to hold both rear and forward-facing thrusters. Its dark hull was nearly invisible against the black of space, and coated in a radar-absorbent material that until recently had masked its approach. The Siren’s shuttle, in contrast, was a luminescent, bright-pink spiral seashell nestled in an array of gossamer-like radiators, sails, and solar panels that resembled blooming flower petals.
“I think the polite word is ‘spartan’,” the violet-skinned Kaliphimoa corrected her with an excited grin. The crystalline, oval exocortexes embedded on the sides of her elongated skull began flickering as she began reviewing any information that she thought might be pertinent. “Macrogravitals have a much harder time surviving in space than we do, so they have to be fairly pragmatic in the designs of their vessels. And remember that, unlike our ships, that rocket is meant to launch from and land on planets, so it has to be pretty rugged.”
“Kali, there can’t be any Macrogravitals on that thing; there’s no centrifuge,” the Cyan-skinned Vicillia pointed out. “Macrogravitals need macrogravity. It’s literally their defining characteristic.”
“They don’t die in microgravity, Vici,” Kali said with a roll of her eyes. “In olden times, baseline humans would spend months, sometimes even over a year living in space with no artificial gravity at all.”
“This isn’t the Apollo & Artemis Era, Kali. It’s virtually unheard of for Macrogravitals to leave cislunar space without a centrifuge,” Akioneeda said as she examined the telemetry on the intruding object. “That thing definitely has a habitat module, but Earth is on the other side of the sun right now. That’s weeks of travel, and that’s if its fusion rockets are functional. And it is a ship, not a habitat. Something like that is meant primarily for ground-to-orbit transport, and in a pinch travelling between the inner planets during optimal launch windows. It’s not intended to be lived in for prolonged periods of time. I don’t think it came here on purpose. It must have gotten knocked out of orbit and just found its way here. I wish I could tell for sure if there was someone inside, but its mini-magnetosphere is really scattering the sensor beams.”
“But doesn’t its magnetosphere mean there must be Macrogravitals inside?” Pomoko asked. “Even normal cosmic radiation is dangerous to humans without our enhanced DNA repair and chromamelanin, isn’t it?”
“They might have died before they had a chance to shut it off,” Kali suggested as tactfully as she could. “If there are bodies in there, we should recover them and send them back to Earth.”
“Wait a minute. It’s pretty suspicious that there’s no transponder or identifying markings on the craft, isn’t it?” Vici asked. “This could be a trap or terrorist attack of some kind.”
“An attack? Why would anyone want to attack us?” Pomoko asked in dismay.
“They wouldn’t. She’s being paranoid,” Kali said dismissively as she comfortingly slid her arm around her. “Vici, save your racist horror stories for when we’re not within visual distance of an Earth vessel, okay?”
“Reavers are real! Macrogravitals brains get cooked by cosmic radiation and they go crazy!” Vici insisted.
“Reavers are most definitively not real, Vicillia. Nonetheless, we probably shouldn’t rule out the possibility of an attack,” Akioneeda conceded. “Star Sirens now make up the majority of all humans permanently living off-world, and that’s not a lead we’re ever likely to lose. We’ve only been around a hundred years or so, and there are already over two million of us. We breed like rabbits.”
“That’s because we fuck like rabbits,” Vici said lasciviously, only to incur glares of confusion from the others. “Well, not directly, since we don’t reproduce naturally, but it’s good for our esprit de corps, right girls?”
“The point being, there are factions on Earth who view our current and forecasted success as a threat to their own potential expansion into space,” Akioneeda continued, failing to hide her annoyance at the younger Siren’s interruption.
“That’s backwards. Macrogravitals evolved to live on planets, and we were literally made to colonize space,” Pomoko objected. “Why shouldn’t we breed like rabbits? The solar system, the galaxy, the universe should be filled with as many Star Sirens as they can sustain!”
“And they will be – eventually. But if we prioritize our long-term survival over the near term, we might not have a future to prioritize,” Akioneeda gently reminded her. “Steady, safe, and sustainable growth is better than fast and risky growth. We don’t want to spook anyone down on Earth into doing something that might hurt us, which is why we have to abide by the Solaris Accords.”
“Exactly! We’re signatories of the Solaris and Orion Accords, which we’ve always been in complete compliance with,” Kali said. “We’ve already lowered our population growth to two percent per annum, and have agreed to lower it to point four percent when we hit two billion. Anyone attacking us over that would be in violation of the Accords and incur the wrath of every other signatory, including Olympeon, of which we are still a protectorate.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me that we’re technically compatriots with Macrogravitals,” Vici said in disgust.
“Vicillia, a little respect please for our creators and allies,” Akioneeda reprimanded her.
“I gratefully respect them, Preceptress Akio, because no one able to launch this ship out to us would ever do something so suicidally foolish as commit an act of war against Olympeon,” Kali insisted.
“You make valid points, Kali, and I’m not saying it’s likely this is an attack, but we should still proceed with caution,” Akioneeda reiterated. “At the very least, the scanner still has enough resolution to rule out the possibility of there being any potential high-yield explosives on the vessel. I think it’s worth the risk to jet over and see what’s inside; if that’s something you girls would be interested in?”
“Yes, preceptress,” Kali and Vici said in unison, each immediately assuming an attentive posture with their hands behind their backs as they nodded politely, eager for the opportunity to explore a non-Siren spacecraft. Pomoko, however, joined in a little more reticently, and solely because she didn’t want to upset her companions.
Unlike Vici, she never told stories about Macrogravitals driven into mad savagery by the harshness of space, because she found them unbearably terrifying.
The four of them filed into the airlock and grabbed a lungful of air before depressurizing, the short siphons at the base of their necks cinching shut to hold it in. The only things they brought with them were a small bundle of additional air pods and a field kit, both of which were carried by Pomoko.
The enhanced proteins and nanofiber weaves in their bare skin rendered them impervious to vacuum exposure, and their eyes were protected by transparent graphene lenses. Hundreds of small jets of light from all over their bodies propelled them across the gap between their shuttle and the errant vessel, with Kali and Vici taking advantage of the vast open space to perform challenging acrobatic maneuvers.
Akio was the first to arrive at the foreign spacecraft, circling it several times for any signs that might give her some idea about what it was and what it was doing there, but found none. She even peered into a porthole, but could see nothing of note in the darkened interior.
When she reached the airlock, she gestured for Pomoko to hand her a small but rugged cyberdeck from the field kit. While her exocortexes possessed more computing power than she could ever need, the cyberdeck contained a compact suite of sensor arrays for environmental analysis, as well as antennas and ports for electronic interfaces. Syncing the device with her own exocortexes, a holographic AR display projected itself on her bionic lenses.
It didn’t take long for her to find a frequency to engage with the airlock control mechanism, and even less time to find a skeleton key that could best that woefully inadequate security system. As the outer door of the airlock dilated open, Akio signalled for Kali and Vici to rejoin them, and they all funnelled into the ship together. The outer door snapped behind them, sealing them in complete darkness that was staved off solely by their photonic diodes until some emergency lights began to flicker on and off at random intervals.
As the airlock slowly began to repressurize, the Sirens – who were accustomed to an atmosphere maintained at conditions optimal for them - shuddered slightly at the feeling of foreign air creeping up against their skin.
“The air’s acceptable. It’s a standard oxygen/nitrogen mix with no detectable toxins or pathogens present,” Akioneeda assured them as she opened her siphons and exhaled the breath she had been holding since they left their own shuttle. “CO2’s a little high, but not dangerous.”
“Doesn’t high CO2 mean there’s someone here?” Pomoko asked, nervously looking about in all directions as she clutched her supplies close to her.
“Not necessarily. I’m not detecting any human environmental DNA,” Akio replied confidently. “I am however sampling some environmental DNA that doesn’t match anything on file. It might take some time to analyze it enough to make any sense of it. The power system is failing, which is why the lights aren’t working right. The electrical surges are generating enough EM interference that the sensor beam is still pretty scattered, so I can’t see much through the bulkheads. Keep your diodes lit up bright and stay alert.”
The shadowy main corridor was hexagonal in shape, spanning several meters across and roughly twenty-five meters from end to end. It was broken into six segments, with every other segment containing a pair of hexagonal doorways across from one another, along with a door at each end of the corridor.
“The door next to us should be the engine module, and the one at the other end should be the command and communications center,” Akio said, opening the door to the engine room and sticking her cyberdeck inside. “I’m going to do a quick scan of each room before we start rummaging through everything, so don’t go sticking your tails anywhere they don’t belong until I’m done.”
The other three Sirens all nodded obediently, and limited their exploration of the ship to a solely visible inspection. None of them were used to being in low light conditions, and their pupils were dilated so much they were nearly round. Though their visual acuity was raptor-like in its detail and they could see into the ultra-violet spectrum, night vision had not been a priority when they had been designed. Nonetheless, their large eyes and vertical pupils still let them see better in the dark than any unmodified human.
“The writing is Cyrillic, but everything I can see is just basic labels. I can’t tell for certain which language it is,” Kali said. “That doesn’t mean much though. This thing is definitely second-hand, likely even stolen. That would explain the lack of identification. Maybe whoever stole it got spooked and just set it adrift.”
“So, it’s a pirate ship then?” Pomoko asked, sounding slightly relieved. “That’s better than terrorists, or Reavers.”
“It is not. We’re space mermaids. Space pirates are our natural enemies,” Vici claimed. “If they catch us, they’ll pry the exocortexes from our skulls and pluck out our photonic diodes one by one, then bind us to the front of the ship as figureheads.”
“Vicillia, that is enough!” Akio reprimanded her as she scanned the next room. “Stop trying to scare her! Kali’s right. This is an old ship that’s been stripped of nearly every non-essential piece of equipment. Someone stole it, and then abandoned it when the authorities started closing in. That’s it. There’s not a raiding party of pirates hiding behind one of these doors.”
“Famous last words,” Vici muttered, defensively folding her arms across her chest.
Kali once again put her arm around Pomoko in comfort and gave her a loving kiss on the head.
The glowing, sylph-like Sirens continued floating through the dim and unevenly lit corridor like ghosts, checking one room after another and finding nothing of note until they finally reached the end.
“Now that we’re done checking for pirates, we can focus on the command center,” Akio announced. “Assuming they haven’t been wiped, we’ll check the ship’s logs and records for evidence of its origin and how it got here. If it was stolen, we’ll send it to Pink Floyd Station and they can deal with it. Otherwise, we’ll be free to keep it as salvage.”
She raised her finger to tap the AR command to open the door, but suddenly hesitated.
“What is it?” Kali asked.
Akio squinted at her HUD display in alarm, but seemed reluctant to answer.
“There’s something on the other side,” she whispered.
Without warning, the door was manually thrown open with a physical force that shocked the gracile Sirens. From the impenetrable gloom beyond the door’s threshold, there emerged a grotesque figure the likes of which the Sirens had never seen before.
Its round torso was squat and bloated, vaguely resembling that of a frog’s. Its veiny, crimson hide was mottled in purple splotches from where those veins had broken. Four long limbs dangled down limply, each possessing five boney, claw-like digits. As with the Star Sirens, its pinky fingers had been repurposed into a second opposable thumb; but unlike them, its digits were arranged more radially so that its hands resembled starving sea stars. It possessed a prehensile tail as well, though closer in appearance to an opossum’s than the Siren’s simian tails.
It was the front of the creature that was most alien to them. It had no neck or even a head distinct from its bulging torso. It had two eyes on mobile stalks, each a bloodshot blue with a crescent-shaped pupil. There was a blowhole near the top of its vaguely defined head, and near the bottom hung a toothless proboscis, as prehensile as an elephant’s trunk.
All four Sirens broke out into screams at the sight of the deformed creature, jetting backward as quickly as they could. Wheezing, the creature lurched towards them, slowly raising its proboscis in the air as it did so.
Vici grabbed the bundle of air pods that Pomoko had released in her panic and began beating the creature over the top of the head with it. Though she possessed just barely enough physical strength to walk in nothing greater than Lunar gravity, her love for her sisters and her fear, disgust, and contempt for anything else drove her to assail the hideous being as hard as she could.
The creature groaned, though it seemed to be more of sorrow than of pain. Raising its arms up protectively while keeping its proboscis elevated, it slowly sunk down to the bottom of the corridor as Vici bashed away at it.
“Vici! Vici, stop!” Kali commanded, grabbing hold of her and pulling her back. “It’s not attacking us!”
She was right, of course. Despite its fearsomely unfamiliar form, it actually seemed rather pathetic as it lay quivering on the floor, making no sound aside from laboured and gasping breaths.
“Alien! It’s an alien!” Vici cried in dismay, scarcely believing her own eyes.
Though that improbable, if more palpable, explanation for the being’s origin may have seemed the most obvious, Kali felt a growing sense of horror well up inside her as the pieces started to click together. She glanced over at Akio who was rapidly reviewing the readings from her cyberdeck, and could tell from the revulsion on her face that she had reached the same conclusion.
“Preceptress; please say that it’s an alien,” she pleaded in a softly cracking voice.
Akio looked up at her with pity, and slowly shook her head.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “But that, save for the skill and wisdom of Olympeon and the Grace of Cosmothea, is us.”
“It… it’s human?” Pomoko asked, floating up behind Kali and Vici and just barely daring to peek over their shoulders at the horrid beast.
“It’s bred from a human base, yes,” Akio explained. “Heavily modified, of course. Much more than ourselves, though nowhere near as adroitly. It’s a genetic chimera; probably because its embryo was cobbled together from multiple lines of modified cells. Its hide and at least a few of its major organs appeared to have been grown separately and grafted on in vivo. It’s literally a Frankenstein Monster.”
“What’s that old saying? Knowledge is knowing Frankenstein was the Doctor, not the monster; wisdom is knowing that Doctor Frankenstein was the monster,” Kali quoted, pitying the poor wretch that wallowed before her.
“Yeah. I think… I think that whoever made this was trying to make a new species of space-adapted humans, probably in the hopes of eventually surpassing us,” Akio speculated. “But it’s a failed experiment. All of its genomes are highly degraded and riddled with off-target mutations and poorly thought-out on-target ones. Its cells are barely functional, and it’s undergoing mass organ failure at this very moment.”
“It… he’s dying?” Kali asked softly.
“It was probably dying before it even decanted; it’s been held together with prayers and twine,” Akio explained.
“Good! It’s an abomination! It never should’ve existed in the first place!” Pomoko declared.
“Pomoko, shush!” Kali yelled, hot tears beginning to pool in her eyes. “Can… can he hear us?”
“It can hear, I think. Its brain size and neuronal density are actually over the optimal limit, and its neurochemistry and connectome are a complete mess,” Akio replied. “It’s probably an idiot savant, at best. It likely has some linguistic capability, but I don’t think it would be able to understand Sirensong. It doesn’t have any kind of speech organs or comm implant, either. Its digestive and respiratory systems are separate, and that blowhole doesn’t have any kind of syrinx.”
“In other words, he has no mouth and he must scream,” Kali lamented. “Did he escape, do you think?”
“It must have,” Akio nodded. “Pomoko may have been a bit insensitive just now, but she’s right. This thing’s a violation of multiple transnational laws, treaties and conventions. Its creators wouldn’t want anyone to know about it. It… it must have known that escaping its creators and whatever convoluted life-support system they were using to keep it alive would have meant a slow and painful death, but it did it anyway. All it could have hoped for was that someone would find it and be able to hold its creators accountable. We don’t understand enough about its anatomy to offer any meaningful assistance. The most we could do is prolong its suffering. I think we should just let it pass in peace; it shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours at most now. We’ll return to our shuttle, tell the fleet what we found, and then have the carcass put in cryostasis as evidence. We’ll send it and this vessel to Olympeon, and they’ll deal with it. They’ll find who’s responsible and bring them to justice.”
“Yeah, we need to get back to the shuttle immediately for decontamination and med-screening. We could be infected by whatever microbes and nanites they stuffed into this bloated wretch,” Pomoko said with barely restrained panic, jetting back to the airlock as quickly as she could.
Akio and Vici followed closely behind, but Kali lingered in place as she gazed at the creature’s proboscis, which it still held upright. She recalled that elephants on Earth would raise their trunks when they were dying, and that the ancient Romans, despite being one of the cruellest cultures of humans to exist, had still recognized this as a plea for mercy. Though the gulf between the two species was significant, one self-aware being could still recognize the suffering of another, and be moved to pity by it.
“I’m staying with him,” she announced softly.
“What?” Pomoko shouted, she and the others all spinning around to look at her in bewilderment.
“Until he passes. Akio said it wouldn’t be long,” Kali replied.
“Why?” Vici asked.
“So he doesn’t die alone!” Kali screamed.
Pomoko started jetting back towards her friend, but Akio caught her and gently shook her head in refusal. She silently ushered the two of them back through the airlock and, with some reluctance, left Kali alone with the dying creature.
Kali tenderly took hold of the being’s trunk with her left hand, compassionately petting it with her right. He shuddered slightly, letting go of a noticeable amount of tension in his malformed body. Snorting from his blowhole, he focused his teetering eyestalks up at her, and she could see in those eyes a great, crushing sorrow, both from the suffering he had endured and the lost potential of the life he could have had if fate had been kinder.
A life like the one Kali had led as a privileged and well-bred daughter of Olympeon, and would most likely go on to live for many centuries more.
The tears in her eyes reached a critical mass now, budding off into tiny orbs and floating out into the air.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she sobbed. It was all she could think to say, and she said it in English, hoping there was a better chance of him understanding it than her native language.
Remarkably, he reacted by raising the flat palm of his right hand up to the space beneath his trunk – a struggle for him even in the absence of gravity – and then lowered it with the palm facing up and out. Kali wasted no time in running the gesture through her exocortexes, frantic to decipher what the creature could be trying to tell her before it was too late.
It was sign language for ‘thank you’.

Now before i get eaten alive, i know that the game is far from perfect but i keep seeing people blindly hating on it. It's not well constructed arguments either, usually it just boils down to "dl1 better lol" and that's it. Dl1 took some time to get properly fleshed out as well as dl2 is now being worked on. I guess I'm just tired seeing everyone be so negative and harassing people enjoying the second game on almost every platform, even though techland tries to put their resources towards bettering what's there. I agree on criticism from the consumer's side and frankly I think that the call of juarez bundle being paid to get the outfit and such is weird and shouldn't be how events are done in the future. Anyways I just want people to acknowledge techland's effort and all. Thank you for reading this if anyone did, good luck and good night.

Hey boys, Please read the ENTIRE post before responding or messaging me. FYI, I I love domming. I’m a 23 year old femdom from sunny c. Let me you turn you into the submissive little slave boy you’ve secretly always wanted to be on S.C and nobody else will know. I realize if you’re searching this Reddit you’re probably looking for the perfect domme, and now you finally found me. Everyone will still think that you’re this tough masculine male, but I’ll know the submissive little slave boy that you truly are. I’m into all kinds of things, but some main kinks of mine include joi, cei, secret sissies/femboys, forced bi, cbt, masculine/muscular men, military men, first responders, married men, athletes/jocks, dress up, and when men let me completely control them. Obviously you don’t need to have all the same kinks as me in order to message me. I’ll be sure to respect any limits you might have and everything stays between you and I only. Dm me your s.Cc username, kinks, height, weight, body type, age, and general location. Also let me know if you already have any toys that you can use. If you leave out any of this info, I might not respond!

Hey boys, Please read the ENTIRE post before responding or messaging me. FYI, I I love domming. I’m a 23 year old femdom from sunny c. Let me you turn you into the submissive little slave boy you’ve secretly always wanted to be on S.C and nobody else will know. I realize if you’re searching this Reddit you’re probably looking for the perfect domme, and now you finally found me. Everyone will still think that you’re this tough masculine male, but I’ll know the submissive little slave boy that you truly are. I’m into all kinds of things, but some main kinks of mine include joi, cei, secret sissies/femboys, forced bi, cbt, masculine/muscular men, military men, first responders, married men, athletes/jocks, dress up, and when men let me completely control them. Obviously you don’t need to have all the same kinks as me in order to message me. I’ll be sure to respect any limits you might have and everything stays between you and I only. Dm me your s.Cc username, kinks, height, weight, body type, age, and general location. Also let me know if you already have any toys that you can use. If you leave out any of this info, I might not respond!

Is there another way to read the mac address off this modem. The sticker with this information has been damaged and is currently unreadable. I cannot log in to the modem to look at the device information as the password is unique and is located on the same sticker as the mac address.

I’ve always known that my “father” was a sperm donor, as my mother had undergone IVF. She always told me how wanted I was growing up and how much she loved me.
My family moved to Canada from Italy after WWII for a better life, so my mother grew up and was raised in a small town by two loving, but lived-through-the-war, and all it’s atrocities, parents. Life was only about survival - there was no time for emotions or well being. I don’t blame them. I’m grateful they survived. Fast forward to Canada, my mother grew up fairly sheltered, not many friends, and afraid of her own shadow you may say. She is a loving and giving person who will always put the needs of others, above her own. Looking back now, her childhood needs for love and affection were likely not met, and so now, she doesn’t handle criticism or conflict well, as it feels like a personal attack and brings out deep rooted insecurities. You’ll need to know this for later.
In her early 30s, she decided to go through with IVF and finally have a child of her own. She lost some friends throughout this, as it was still somewhat of a taboo topic in the 90s. Her parents supported her and she was successful with the process - as I write this here today.
She raised me all on her own. I don’t know how she did it, but her determination to provide for me was incredible. She bought her house in full, so she’s never had a mortgage, doesn’t have any car payments, always put food on the table, and gave me a quiet and secure life in that same small town. I might not have had the coolest toys or newest clothes growing up, but I had a roof over my head and food on the table. And for my mother to do all this, by herself, and still make it, is incredible.
Fast forward 20 years. I decide that I’d like to know some information about my bio dad. I ask my mom if she knows and she says no, she opted not to receive that information. Now I should mention, that I am one hard-headed and stubborn girl… not one of my best qualities. So when she said no, I said well, whether you wanted to or not, the facility/organization ethically, has to keep those documents. She quickly responded no, it was a different time back then, etc etc, and because she requested to not know any information, that information would be destroyed. Being as stubborn as I am, I took matters into my own hands and told her I’d call the hospital myself and ask for the records. She laughed in a defensive tone, and said “fine”.
The hospital had nothing. There was never any name given as my father on my birth certificate. I knew this, as it was IVF, but they had no documentation. When I called my mother again to tell her the news and that I felt a bit off and disjointed, as I didn’t understand how there could be nothing, she was quickly defensive and irritated by my will to know. Things like “well why does it matter anyway? “ or “I’m your mother, haven’t I done a good enough job?” Or “oh so I’m a bad mom, that’s why you want to know”. We had a huge fight, an absolutely massive blow up.
I went home a few days later and asked her why she was defensive. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t ask any questions and why it was causing such a response from her. We ended up in a yelling match. Eventually, she came out with a letter without saying anything. It was written by a man, one I did not know, professing his love to my mother. This man was my father. It turns out that my mother had an affair with a married man and got pregnant. He wanted to marry her after he found out she was pregnant, but feeling ashamed for falling into such a predicament in a small town from a VERY traditional family, she declined and decided it was better to tell everyone she got preganent through IVF. She didn’t want him apart of my life and refused his presence. She wanted to raise me all on her own.
My entire world had been shattered. For my entire life I’ve thought that I was a sperm baby and it was just “my mom and I”. Only to find out 20 years later that she did in fact, know my father. They kept in touch and he knew about me. She would send him photos of me and I even recall a conversation she was having with a “coworker” when I was younger, where she made me talk to them and say hello. I talked to them about my day and told them what shoes I liked. It wasn’t a coworker.
Immediately after revealing the truth to me, she made me swear to never contact him or tell anyone. She didn’t want to make a big deal of the matter, and I don’t blame her. She carries a lot of hurt and pain within her and she only did what she thought was best for me, as a child. … I don’t think I can adequately describe the shock and emotions I felt that went through me. I felt numb for approx 8 months and it didn’t feel real. It felt like a movie. I finally worked up the courage one night (8 months ish) to google his name and try to find some information about him, and about me. It was late at night after a long day. The first google hit that came up with my search, was his obituary, from 3 weeks prior.

1. Weeks. Prior.

I felt like I finally ‘started’ to maybe believe that this information was true, only to find that I was 3 weeks too late, cause he had just past away. Can you grieve someone you never met? Someone you never knew you even had? Maybe it was the fact that the opportunity I didn’t even know I had earlier in the year, was now gone. I called my mom the next day and asked if she knew. I was delicate with it, cause this was still the man she had a child with and loved at some point.
She knew. She found out the next day. Thought it was best not to tell me as it would upset me. Turns out it was his daughter that sent out a notice. A daughter from the first marriage.
I have a half sister?
If you’ve read this far, I thank you for listening to my story. Not many people know this and apart of me felt like it would be empowering to finally say it out loud. Even if it’s to a bunch of strangers on the internet. I don’t want to draw a bad light on my mother - with the resources she had and the life she was given, she did the very best she could. I whole heartedly believe and know that she loves me. But I think part of me, and I don’t know how big, will ever fully trust her again with this matter. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since. I don’t think it helps that after I found out that my bio dad had passed, I couldn’t cope with it and needed space from my mother. I took probably 4 months of no contact with family. When I did re-engage in family events, all I heard was how much I was hurting my mother and causing her pain for not talking to her. Cutting off family, especially in a strong knit family culture dynamic, is not easy. It is and was not received well. I faced a lot of backlash for it from them.
AITA for hurting my mother from distancing myself from her and my family after everything happened?
I thank you again for making it this far. I don’t know how I’ll feel after I post this, but im hoping a bit lighter by finally saying it out loud. Thank you for listening. I wish nothing but kindness and happiness for those who read all this!!!

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
I seek refuge in Allah, the Most High, from the cursed and outcasted Shaitan
"And hold fast all together to the rope of God, and never be divided. Remember God's favor upon you: you were once enemies, and He reconciled your hearts so that through His favor, you became like brothers. You stood on the brink of a pit of fire, and He delivered you from it. Thus, God makes His signs of truth clear to you that you may be guided to the Straight Path in all matters, and be steadfast on it." [Quran 3:103]
Almighty Allah has spoken the truth.
We begin with Allah's blessed name, we praise Him and glorify Him as he ought to be praised and glorified.
Oh Allah, send prayers upon Muhammad and upon the family of Muhammad just as You have sent prayers upon Ibrahim and upon the family of Ibrahim, verily You are the Praiseworthy, the Glorious. O Allah, bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad just as You have blessed Ibrahim and the family of Ibrahim, verily You are the Praiseworthy, the Glorious.
Brothers & Sisters,
We gather here today to reflect upon the challenges that hinder our unity as Arabs. As we ponder upon the state of our Arab nation, we must acknowledge that unity lies within our grasp. Throughout history, the Arabian Peninsula witnessed a remarkable display of unity during the lifetime of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his family. This unity is a testament to our potential to come together as one people. It is vital for us to realize that the only obstacle preventing our unity is ourselves. The forces that seek to divide us are powerless against the collective strength of the Arab people. The power to unite rests solely in our hands.
Honestly, what is it that is stopping the Arabs from uniting? The Arabs can unite any time they like, but we don't, and this is the problem, the only time we ever united the Arabian Peninsula was during the lifetime of the Prophet, May peace and blessings be upon him and his family. If I have one message, which I am delivering to the whole Arab nation, it is this, that the only thing stopping us from uniting is ourselves.
As long as our people are contempt to sit in coffee shops with their hookahs, blaming the USA, blaming the Turks, blaming the British, blaming the Zionists, blaming the Iranians, and most notably blaming Arab leadership, we will always be divided, and as long as we are divided we will be weak, and as long as we are weak they'll steal our wealth.
It's not rocket science, you don't have to be Einstein to work it out. Unity is strength. If we could only stop thinking like Sunni and Shia, like Beduwi and Hadhari, like left and right, like Khaleeji or Levantine or Masri or Maghrebi, if we could only stop thinking like that. We are 350 million people who speak the same language. You know in Europe they speak 150 languages. We speak one language, with one God, imagine the strength that we could have if we came together. But as long as we are ready to sit and blame other people we will never be united, and as long as we are not united we will be divided, and as long as we are divided they will steal our lands. That's why they are doing it. They don't care if we are Sunni or Shia, they genuinely don't...
During my time in England, in the parliament in which I actively use to participate in its' elections, there are six hundred and fifty members, if I ask them one by one to define the difference between Sunni and Shia, none of them could do so. None of them! they don't care if you're Sunni or Shia, They don't care if you pray or fast or make Hajj, They don't care about Islam, They don't care about religion, they just care about dividing us Arabs. They just care about making us fight against each other, because as long as we're fighting each other, we're not fighting the Zionists. We have allowed them to steal our oil, steal our gas, steal our water. Are the Zionists not dumping their wastewater into the Jordan River? The Zionists cannot control the streets of Jerusalem. the Zionists cannot fund its' regime without their supporters, the Zionists could not stop the Yemeni people uniting, and they cannot stop the Yemenis uniting, and they cannot stop the Yemenis and the Omanis and the Emiratis being together with the Saudis, Bahrainis, Qataris and Kuwaitis. The Zionists cannot stop the Arabs being together. Only the Arabs are stopping the Arabs being together.
We have allowed them to rob us of that which Allah gave us. I'm sorry if I'm passionate about this, because it's the most important thing of them all that the Arabs can find it within themselves to be one people, "One Arab Nation" / "شعب عربي واحد" , this is ourslogan. A marvelous slogan indeed. A call to Action. It encapsulates the essence of unity, strength, and shared identity. By embracing this vision, we can reclaim what has been taken from us and forge a future of prosperity and harmony.
It is crucial to recognize that the power to reclaim our collective destiny lies within us. We must rise above the divisions that have plagued us, fueled by external forces seeking to weaken and exploit us. United as one people, we can overcome any challenges that come our way, and build a brighter future for generations to come. To achieve this unity, we must foster a spirit of inclusivity, respect, and understanding among all Arab nations. We should celebrate our rich diversity while recognizing the common thread that binds us together. By embracing our shared heritage, language, and culture, we can bridge the gaps that separate us and work towards a common goal of progress and prosperity. By standing together as one, we can tap into this immense potential and create a new era of greatness.
It is time to reclaim our rightful place in the world and show the strength of a united Arab Nation. Together, we can chart a course towards a future where our collective voice is heard and respected on the global stage. Let us rise above the divisions, embrace our shared values, and work towards a prosperous, harmonious, and proud Arab Nation, "One Arab Nation" - a shining example for the world to behold. This a call to action, a reminder of our shared destiny, and a symbol of the boundless possibilities that await us when we stand together. Let us carry this vision in our hearts and work tirelessly towards its realization, for the betterment of our people, our region, and our world.
Oh Allah, show us the truth for the truth and help us to follow it, and show us the falsehood for falsehood and help us to stay away from it, and make faith in You the most beloved to us and beautify it in our hearts, and make disbelief, lewdness and rebellion most hated to us, and make us from those who are guided. Rectify the Arab leaders and guide them to that which is good for the whole Nation, make them a means for unity and cause for our coming together, you are the Ever Living, the One who cannot die, the Self Sustainer, the Hearer of our supplications, grant us Victory over your enemies.
Peace, love and blessings to you all.

I've been considering adding solar to my portfolio for a little while and reading up on all the growth the industry is experiencing looks promising. Considering how much the cost of going solar has dropped throughout the last decade and potential long-term savings, could only mean good things for everyone involved. Plus global warming basically makes acquiring new customers a garuntee

Apache
I would like to build an 'ideal' lamp development stack.

• Dual Server (Virtualised, ESX)
  • Apache / PHP on one, Databases (MySQL, PgSQL, etc) on the other.
• User (Developer) Manageable mini environments, or instance.
  • Each developer instance shares the top level config (available modules and default config etc)
  • A developer should have control over their apache and php version for each project.
  • A developer might be able to change minor settings, ie magicquotes on for legacy code.
  • Each project would determine its database provider in its code

The idea is that it is one administrate-able server that I can control, and provide globally configured things like APC, Memcached, XDebug etc. Then by moving into subsets for each project, i can allow my users to quickly control their environments for various projects.
Essentially I'm proposing the typical system of a developer running their own stack on their own machine, but centralised. In this way I'd hope to avoid problems like Cross OS code problems, database inconsistencies, slightly different installs producing bugs etc.
I'm happy to manage this in custom builds from source, but if at all possible it would be great to have a large portion of it managed with some sort of package management. We typically use CentOS, so yum?
Has anyone ever built anything like this before? Is there something turnkey that is similar to what I have described? Are there any useful guides I should be reading in order to build something like this?
Answer link : https://codehunter.cc/a/apache/ideal-multi-developer-lamp-stack

Hello! I am new to reddit and quite honestly have no idea what I'm doing. It took me a minute to even figure out how to ask this. I'd first like to say that this is the reason why I am here. Just to ask these questions. I would prefer to talk 1 on 1 but again I'm new so if you want wish to talk directly to me where we could get somewhere much faster and much more directly please lmk. I'm just looking for a nice civil discussion.
I am not Trans. I am not for Trans. However I'm not necessarily against it either. I'm not here to hurt anyone or anything like that. I would like to ask questions one at a time but obviously in a scenario like this you can't really do that so I'm just gonna list some of them out.
How do you know you are "in the wrong body" or "trans"? (Idk how all or you word it) What are your thoughts on child transitions? If they can transition, i.e. surgery, should children be aloud to get a tattoo, etc.? Why or why not? Do you think children should learn about LGBTQ stuff?
I'm sure you can guess what my response to these would be but I would love to have a back and forth convo with anyone willing so we can discuss this. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm a newsperson or something lol I'm just trying to see what all of you see is all. I believe the truth always come out at the end of the day so I'm willing to learn and adapt. It's just from what I understand there is so much more support about things opposite of what all of you think but I assume I only think this because of the algorithms on everything that is why I come here.
TL;DR I have questions, dm me.

We're 30 days into our LR4 experience. This is our first LR. I hemmed and hawed for literally years about whether it was worth it to spend the money for something like this, especially since one of my cats is skittish and I was afraid she wouldn't use it. I finally decided to give it a try (because of the 90-day in-home trial) and it did take a week or so to get the shy cat to use it, which I only accomplished by eventually taking away the old litter box altogether and hoping that didn't backfire on me.
​
On one hand I've been thrilled with some aspects of the LR4 - I've noticed no gross litter box smells unless I open the waste drawer. It's nice to not have to deal with scooping the litter box. But that's really where the good things stop. At first I was frustrated because the weight sensor is very wonky - it will show that my cats weigh 1.8 pounds, 3.1 pounds, etc. (They're about 9.5 and 11 lbs). Then I read the weight thing doesn't really work if you have the LR on carpet. I wish I had realized that before I bought it, but fine. We're eventually going to replace our carpet with hard floors, so I guess I just won't worry about that feature not working. Then I noticed that the waste drawer sensor seemed to be way off. It will say it's 45% full even after it's just been emptied. If we're supposed to do some extra step to reset it after emptying the waste drawer, I'm not aware of it.
​
But the most frustrating problem we're having is this "cleaning cycle interrupted" error. At first when it happened I assumed that a curious kitty was getting into the LR after brothesister had just used it, but then it happened when I was in the room and I realized it was throwing this error when there wasn't a cat anywhere near it. Sometimes it will happen 5-6 times in one cleaning cycle. Sometimes the globe gets stuck completely upside down (and empty, so not usable by the cats) and I don't know about it until I see it in that state. If I'm home and I happen to see the notification on the app, I can go investigate, but I'm not always going to be right here. I thought the whole point of this $700 monstrosity was that I could be more hands-off with it. Several times now I've had to do a bunch of frustrating troubleshooting to get it to work again. Tried a short press of the reset button. That didn't work. Fine. Tried a long press of the reset button. Tried manually starting a clean cycle from my phone. Tried powering it off and back on. Tried unplugging it and plugging it back in. Tried emptying the waste drawer (that was not even close to full). Eventually after cycling back through all of these things in random orders, I'll get it to complete the clean cycle, and then it will go back to normal use - until the next time.
​
I've tried to reach out to customer service a few different times through the live chat on the website and by phone, but each time was told that it's outside of their normal business hours. I sent them an email today and got an autoreply that they have a heavy email volume and it might take 1-3 business days to hear back. Which is frustrating, because I'm going to be out of town for 3 days and my MIL is staying with the cats. I really don't want her to have to troubleshoot this piece of shit, but I also don't want to get out the old litter box "just in case" and cause confusion for the cats that have already successfully transitioned to the LR.
Please, somebody tell me there's a fix for this, because I really don't want to have to send this contraption back and go back to the dark ages of scooping the litter box.

Well, as the title suggests i think UMD is canonically the hardest difficulty so here are my thoughts on it:

1. Radiant enemies would spawn(like cybergrind does)

2.Bosses would be reworked(like ultrapain): Like V2 being able to use his arms as a full weapon(cant wait to see a V2 boss fight of him using the whiplash, or using the knuckleblaster to reflect some of your bullets)

1. More enemy variants like one that damages you when you try to heal off its blood
   
2. Probably have some of the mini bosses(like cerebus or maurice) attack faster
   

Speaking of which, i wanna know what are your thoughts on what UMD must be like

Howdy, I'm Valerie from Australia and I have six or so years of roleplay experience. I'm looking for someone literate who won't leave all of the story progression to me, as well as a quick typer who can respond with good-length first-person messages that have actual personality. I prefer slice of life role ideas as a basis, but I often like to expand upon them with drama or horror elements; or at least with a unique setting. Please message me if you think we'll work together well, also please include a writing sample so that I know you have read my post properly. I'm fine setting up character and setting references, but I won't set up the story on my own.

Get ready to release your revenge with the ultimate destroyer, the BUMPER PIT! Bumper Pit is a gear that attached to the car's front or back exterior, allowing you to attack and overpower other vehicles in an urgent road situation, Bumper pit works like pit maneuver but comes with random gadgets, and only works if the vehicle on high MPH, Here the gear list, divided by 3 attack, 3 defense and 3 misc:
Lightning Rope: This gear attack with an electrifying rope stun enemy vehicle. If the enemy vehicle retreats (read: once the rope connects), the rope will expands and bind the vehicle. However, if the vehicle is strong enough to move forward, it can break free from the rope.
Spike Strips: This gear deploy Spike Strips from your bumper to puncture the tires of enemy cars. Essentially, its a spike trap, but you can move it with your car.
Explosive Barrel: This gear causing damage and explosions. Disabling the vehicle engine, slow it down. Imagine what happens when your enemy attaching it too
Turbo Boost: This gear provides an extra boost to your vehicle. If your vehicle hit by another vehicle.
Sonic Speaker: This gear reflects anything that damaged your vehicle. If your vehicle hit by another.
Smoke Screen: This gear imitates a smoke grenade (effect). If your vehicle hit by another.
Magnetic Claw: This gear has magnetic ability to attract (nearby) vehicles towards you. Additionally, you can control the movement of the vehicle and move it to the desired direction.
Flame Griller: This gear unleash stream of fire, making the vehicle a burn steak.
(Radar Stamp: This gear puts radar in your vehicle and everyone can tracks it)
​
bumper pit only available in vip, search on bumper category in garage, one time use why? vip server is kind of pro server, yeah its like normal one but with more advanced people
​

Just wanted to put up a post regarding SAP on AWS specialty as it is one of the lesser known certifications. Took me close to 3 weeks to prepare for it. The reason it took me less time is because this is my 11th AWS certification and I work with AWS daily, so most of the concepts are not new to me.
The reason I appeared for it is because I am aiming to get all the certs and secondly my company is slowly transiting to a new vertical, which is consultancy and SAP system migration to AWS will be big part of it.
For exam preparation I used Riyad's course on Udemy and I feel it was little underwhelming. I would have preferred a few introductory sections on SAP. But then again, it is expected to have some knowledge about SAP Systems before sitting for this exam.
The exam itself, on the difficulty level, is on par with the Database/Data Analytics specialty. Its easy to get confused when reading the questions as they throw in a lot of SAP specific terminology, which is expected. But you throw in AWS Services along with those and it is easy to get confused. So my first advice is to not get hung up on knowing exactly what SAP component/Version is being discussed. Just have a high level understanding of what the core SAP components like SAP ECC, 4/HANA, BW4/HANA, Fiori, SolMan, Web Dispatcher etc. are.
Secondly the exam focuses heavily on migration. The is the core of the exam as AWS mission is for companies to move their SAP workloads to the cloud. Luckily, my previous certification was Advanced Networking, which I cleared a few weeks back. So, that did help me when it came to networking between on-prem and AWS. So most questions would be around different types of migrations to be completed in the shortest amount of time, cost effectively etc. So there are different strategies the person should know to answer correctly.
Few questions on storage types. This includes different types of EBS volumes, EFS systems etc. HA & DR scenario questions were prevalent as well.
I used AWS Documentation where I felt I needed more details. Used Whizlabs for practice exams. They do a decent job. Sadly no practice exam by Jon Bonso are available at the moment.
Finally I would say this cert is definitely passable but I would expect someone to have solid knowledge of migration/networking in AWS. I would suggest only to take this cert if you plan on "Getting them All" or your work plans/consults on migrating SAP workloads for clients.
For me ML Specialty is the only one left and I plan on preparing at least a month for that. Good Luck!

Pretty much what the title says. I'm coming from the private sector and new to BCPS and the union life. I've already read through some of the administrative things on the website, but what was your actual experience like when you were onboarding?
Really curious about how quickly you dive in to work, team building activities (if any), the duration of the process, etc. Also any particular advice on how to get started off on the right foot?

Hello!
I am 31/F and was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia last year. I’m currently on Sprycel 100mg.
I noticed in the last month or two I have red bumps all over my arms and legs. When I looked it up, it looks similar to keratosis pilaris. But I’ve also read that my TKI can cause a similar rash.
I see my dermatologist next week and plan on asking. But is there anything I can do to help this issue? It’s embarrassing and uncomfortable.
Thank you!

I (19f) have been on lexapro since mid January, and upped by dose from 5mg to 10mg on May 1st. My psychiatrist also prescribed me 50mg Trazodone for sleep that I take every night since January as well, and .5mg Klonopin for panic/severe anxiety attacks. I take lexapro and Trazodone every day, and the klonopin occasionally when I feel uncomfortable and like jumping out of my skin. I have been making progress, everyone tells me they have noticed positive changes, even my psychiatrist, but I still feel huge amounts of anxiety and depression.
I still feel like my anxiety is creating barriers in my life, like not being able to pursue intimate relationships, maintain positive friendships, and even apply for jobs because i’m already nervous for how I will perform hypothetically at work and in an interview. Every night, I feel a sense of disappointment and dissatisfaction that this is my life- and shame for the fact that I want to move forward and immerse myself into society through a relationship and a job, but my fear of failure is more impactful than my want to do those things. that turned into a rant, and when I look back at it therapy is probably the solution. What is bothering me most is that I just still get physical symptoms from my anxiety (shaking, accelerated heart rate, lack of appetite, restlessness, headache) and depression, which almost feels like a deep pit being carved into my chest repeatedly- it almost feels worse than I remember. My life isn’t the most peaceful, and I’ve been and am going through a fair amount of trauma, and I don’t want to ignore that because that does play a part in my mental health. Along with the fact that mom, brother, and father are all bipolar. My psychiatrist is aware of this but I haven’t been diagnosed with anything (to my knowledge).
But overall, if anything, i’m disappointed because it took me so long to get proper care and now i feel like it isn’t even helping. anyway, thanks for reading through all of that if you did and let me know if you share a similar experience! feeling lonely here